I'm moving in with my partner in a few days, and we've picked a 2br, and will be sleeping in separate rooms. My partner snores, and I'm a really light sleeper, so it was a bit of a no brainer to...
I'm moving in with my partner in a few days, and we've picked a 2br, and will be sleeping in separate rooms. My partner snores, and I'm a really light sleeper, so it was a bit of a no brainer to us? Plus, we like the idea of having our own separate spaces to decorate, do hobby stuff in, etc.
I'm surprised they use such a heavy term ('divorce') for this arrangement. I understand that there's quite a social stigma towards couples who don't share a bed (and especially towards those who switch from a long period of sharing a bed to sleeping apart). But, calling it sleep divorce doesn't actually... Help with that negative perception? My mind immediately goes to very dark places when I hear the term.
I agree. The term is pretty intense for what it is. My girlfriend and I have lived together for about half a year now, and we both usually sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms. For one thing,...
I agree. The term is pretty intense for what it is.
My girlfriend and I have lived together for about half a year now, and we both usually sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms.
For one thing, we're just different sleepers. I snore, and get very hot, so I often have a fan on full blast with maybe just a sheet covering me, on a mattress designed to be cooling. She on the other hand still uses a giant comforter even in these insanely hot summer evenings.
Our beds are also different. Mines firmer, hers is like a marshmallow.
Lastly, we get up at different times. I can get up, and get ready for the morning without waking her up, and when she works weekends she can do the same.
Usually once or twice a week when we both don't have work the next morning we'll sleep together because we do like cuddling.
Divorce is a strong term for something that has a positive impact on our lives and relationship.
Agreed and seems to play into recent trends. Why is doing the job I agreed to do quiet quitting? And if I want to sleep in a different bed that is sleep divorce? Regardless, this article is so...
Agreed and seems to play into recent trends. Why is doing the job I agreed to do quiet quitting? And if I want to sleep in a different bed that is sleep divorce?
Regardless, this article is so poorly written that I'm not too worried about this stupid term catching on even if the practise is becoming more come.
They’re not even accurate terms. When someone quits a job, they don’t do the bare minimum, or even a slight amount of work. They do ZERO work. So, logically, the term “quiet quitting” would mean...
They’re not even accurate terms. When someone quits a job, they don’t do the bare minimum, or even a slight amount of work. They do ZERO work. So, logically, the term “quiet quitting” would mean someone who stays on the payroll and does zero work. They just hang out. That’s not what the term is intended to mean though, so it makes no sense at all. Similarly, sleep divorce would imply that there’s some sort of formal breakup because you no longer love each other at night or something? But that’s not what it means at all. You’re just sleeping in separate rooms. It makes as much sense as calling eating separate meals “dinner divorce”, or working separate jobs “work divorce” both divorce and quitting mean very specific things. You can’t just throw an adjective or noun in front of them and make them mean something not even related to the original concept.
Agreed. Thank you for being pedantic with me. Words having meaning. Smashing two words together and giving them an unrelated meaning makes me irrationally angry.
Agreed. Thank you for being pedantic with me. Words having meaning. Smashing two words together and giving them an unrelated meaning makes me irrationally angry.
But the idea generated interesting discussion. : ) How do you feel about Axios with its bullet point format? I've got it in my rss feed because it can be interesting.
But the idea generated interesting discussion. : )
How do you feel about Axios with its bullet point format? I've got it in my rss feed because it can be interesting.
umm... This term has already caught on. I actually read an opinion piece about "sleep divorce" in my preferred news website, but people complain about paywalls, so I decided to find another, more...
this article is so poorly written that I'm not too worried about this stupid term catching on
I actually read an opinion piece about "sleep divorce" in my preferred news website, but people complain about paywalls, so I decided to find another, more neutral, less paywalled, article to post here instead. Obviously, I made a bad choice.
I couldn't even make it past the first few paragraphs, this article is just horribly written. The grammar is stilted and awkward, and doesn't flow at all. My first thought was to reserve judgement...
I couldn't even make it past the first few paragraphs, this article is just horribly written. The grammar is stilted and awkward, and doesn't flow at all.
My first thought was to reserve judgement as maybe English isn't their first language, but I'm uncertain that's the case either.
It's written by someone who refers to themselves as an "Expert Blogger" and when clicking on their name you see that 85%+ of the posts are "11 things you wouldn't guess about XYZ, you won't...
It's written by someone who refers to themselves as an "Expert Blogger" and when clicking on their name you see that 85%+ of the posts are "11 things you wouldn't guess about XYZ, you won't believe number 7!"
Yeah this choice of nomenclature seems like a clever SEO ploy. It gets people arguing about whether it makes sense which just gooses search engine ratings even more.
Yeah this choice of nomenclature seems like a clever SEO ploy. It gets people arguing about whether it makes sense which just gooses search engine ratings even more.
the article is talking about separate beds: Same room or different room, with no implications of the overall quality of the marriage. The advantages are easily imaginable. Heres a Guardian piece...
the article is talking about separate beds: Same room or different room, with no implications of the overall quality of the marriage.
The advantages are easily imaginable.
Heres a Guardian piece briefly about the history of couples sharing a bed:
Separate beds began to be seen as a sign of a distant or failing marriage in the 1950s. In 1956, birth-control advocate and eugenicist Marie Stopes railed against them: “Many of their inhabitants get devitalised, irritable, sleepless and unhappy, I think, because of them. The twin bed set was an invention of the Devil, jealous of married bliss,”
An older /r/AskHistorianpost is also very interesting. In brief: those who can afford to heat rooms and have seperate beds, did. It was even somewhat of a wealth signifier.
Those people also had servants to do the housework, governesses to mind the children, and didn't regularly clock in for a job with routine hours though. I reckon there was a decent amount of...
An older /r/AskHistorian post is also very interesting. In brief: those who can afford to heat rooms and have seperate beds, did. It was even somewhat of a wealth signifier.
Those people also had servants to do the housework, governesses to mind the children, and didn't regularly clock in for a job with routine hours though. I reckon there was a decent amount of napping throughout the day involved as well. I think the modern arrangement is probably as much a consequence of our lives being much more regimented despite the comparative material luxury.
You're right that those people would have had servants do all the heating work, all the laundry stuff, waking up with the children at night, and don't have regular hour jobs and probably napped. I...
You're right that those people would have had servants do all the heating work, all the laundry stuff, waking up with the children at night, and don't have regular hour jobs and probably napped.
I think when it comes to the modern arrangement, perhaps you're comparing present middle class, to the yester-year upper class, though. Upper class people today still have servants do all of that (including HVAC maintenance) and despite not needing to, probably still have one big shared matrimonial bed beside their many other bedrooms and many houses.
I think present upper class are still working fairly regimented hours though. The really idle rich, I imagine, are gallivanting around the world enough to where they don't actually sleep in the...
I think present upper class are still working fairly regimented hours though. The really idle rich, I imagine, are gallivanting around the world enough to where they don't actually sleep in the same house much.
That IS very interesting and I think I'll have to agree with you: there are more rich people today than ever before even if the idle rich remain in the same percentage. A lot more of us have a lot...
That IS very interesting and I think I'll have to agree with you: there are more rich people today than ever before even if the idle rich remain in the same percentage. A lot more of us have a lot more stuff, even those of us who still work or can choose types of work.
Heck, I have far more resources and luxuries than most kings in history.....
The term is awful, the article reads terribly. The intent is reasonable (promoting awareness that couples can sleep apart and maintain a healthy relationship). Yet, it's just not for me. I believe...
The term is awful, the article reads terribly. The intent is reasonable (promoting awareness that couples can sleep apart and maintain a healthy relationship).
Yet, it's just not for me.
I believe that sharing a bed, making a conscious decision to go to sleep at the same time and maintaining slight physical contact are all actions which reinforce intimacy in the relationship.
I just hit 10 years married (together 17 and lived together for 13). We are both light sleepers and learned very quickly that of we wanted to stay together (or not murder/get murdered) it was beat...
I just hit 10 years married (together 17 and lived together for 13). We are both light sleepers and learned very quickly that of we wanted to stay together (or not murder/get murdered) it was beat we sleep separately. I preach the gospel of separate beds to who ever will listen.
I'm also a light sleeper so my partner and I sleep in seperate beds. The benefits keep stacking up. Time we make for each other feels more meaningful than making it the default behavior. I like to...
I'm also a light sleeper so my partner and I sleep in seperate beds. The benefits keep stacking up. Time we make for each other feels more meaningful than making it the default behavior. I like to do things at night like yoga and using a Theragun. Recently she started getting up at 6am to go on runs while I sleep in. I have my own space and office while she has hers. I like to sleep with a fan on for white noise, she doesn't. All of this effortless synergy just by having separate beds. I'm with you, separate beds is the way to go.
My wife and I sleep in separate rooms and it has been amazing for both of us in all aspects of our relationship. I also am full-time work-from-home and she doesn't work so it also gives us some...
My wife and I sleep in separate rooms and it has been amazing for both of us in all aspects of our relationship. I also am full-time work-from-home and she doesn't work so it also gives us some needed time apart so we don't want to kill each other. We are both diagnosed autistic/ADHD so we also have sensory issues that we can better accommodate in our separate spaces. I'd even say our sex life has improved as a result.
My wife and I got a split king ages ago, and it was the best decision for our sleep after the earlier decision to get separate blankets. Now she has a heated mattress cover, and I have a bed fan...
My wife and I got a split king ages ago, and it was the best decision for our sleep after the earlier decision to get separate blankets. Now she has a heated mattress cover, and I have a bed fan under the sheets, while we each have our separate nightstands with white noise for me, and random tv/whatever audio for her to fall asleep to. There's nothing wrong with sleeping together if you can actually both sleep like that, but I radiate heat like nothing else, and can't stand additional heat sources, while she needs external heat in order to be comfortable enough to even fall asleep in the first place.
Having an honest conversation about what you each need most in order to get a proper nights sleep can make an enormous difference in the overall sleep health of both of you, and getting that proper sleep in makes just as much a difference in how you both feel about each other and life in general.
This term is terrible and unnecessary. Sleeping separately can be hugely beneficial for some couples. Before my boyfriend and I moved in together, we decided mutually that we would want separate...
This term is terrible and unnecessary. Sleeping separately can be hugely beneficial for some couples. Before my boyfriend and I moved in together, we decided mutually that we would want separate bedrooms. We share a bed on the weekends and also when one of us has medical concerns or something that need monitoring. I have a dog that he doesn't always want to sleep with, and he sleeps with fans, which dry out my sinuses etc if I sleep with them regularly. Also, having both the bedrooms in our house regularly occupied means that our parents don't feel like they can invite themselves to stay at our house whenever! (Lol.)
This has been our arrangement for two years and it definitely works. I have a very strict sleep schedule and his is more irregular due to obligations for his sports hobbies (late night games several days a week). I also have migraine triggers related to sleep, so getting the right amount during the work week is vital. It's weird bringing it up with people who have the idea that healthy couples MUST sleep together, but I think it's good to talk about it so that whatever stigma there is (especially if they're going to try to make this term a thing, yeesh) can fade away.
I have an aunt and uncle who have slept apart for most of their 50 year marriage. It seems to work fine for them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it if both partners are on board, I don't...
I have an aunt and uncle who have slept apart for most of their 50 year marriage. It seems to work fine for them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it if both partners are on board, I don't understand the stigma.
I am personally grateful that I can share a bed with my husband. It adds comfort to my life. However, my grandparents had separate beds and seemed happy. I definitely know people with snoring...
I am personally grateful that I can share a bed with my husband. It adds comfort to my life.
However, my grandparents had separate beds and seemed happy. I definitely know people with snoring problems. If I married one, I could not possibly share a bedroom with that person.
It’s not for me—sleeping with my spouse is lovely—but of course there are lots of good reasons this isn’t the best choice for every couple. But wow, let me add to the chorus of complaints on the...
It’s not for me—sleeping with my spouse is lovely—but of course there are lots of good reasons this isn’t the best choice for every couple. But wow, let me add to the chorus of complaints on the writing quality. I had to stop most of the way through because I was losing IQ points.
Yeah sleeping apart is not our thing either. In fact, we're currently debating whether to upgrade from a full, which we've shared for 14 years, to a queen. I can certainly see the advantages of...
Yeah sleeping apart is not our thing either. In fact, we're currently debating whether to upgrade from a full, which we've shared for 14 years, to a queen. I can certainly see the advantages of separate sleeping. My wife a I got separate blankets immediately which helps a ton with sharing a bed. Fortunately our late night habits are similar so there's no contention there.
If you look at a modern RV its very rare that they dont have a one large bed for a couple as well as additional single beds, presumably for the kids... but if you study older RVs from the 60s and...
If you look at a modern RV its very rare that they dont have a one large bed for a couple as well as additional single beds, presumably for the kids... but if you study older RVs from the 60s and 70s it was quite common that the 'master bedroom' had separate twin beds instead of a queen or king. Guess it wasn't cool to let the kiddos know that mom and dad actually slept together.
I'm moving in with my partner in a few days, and we've picked a 2br, and will be sleeping in separate rooms. My partner snores, and I'm a really light sleeper, so it was a bit of a no brainer to us? Plus, we like the idea of having our own separate spaces to decorate, do hobby stuff in, etc.
I'm surprised they use such a heavy term ('divorce') for this arrangement. I understand that there's quite a social stigma towards couples who don't share a bed (and especially towards those who switch from a long period of sharing a bed to sleeping apart). But, calling it sleep divorce doesn't actually... Help with that negative perception? My mind immediately goes to very dark places when I hear the term.
I agree. The term is pretty intense for what it is.
My girlfriend and I have lived together for about half a year now, and we both usually sleep in separate beds, in separate rooms.
For one thing, we're just different sleepers. I snore, and get very hot, so I often have a fan on full blast with maybe just a sheet covering me, on a mattress designed to be cooling. She on the other hand still uses a giant comforter even in these insanely hot summer evenings.
Our beds are also different. Mines firmer, hers is like a marshmallow.
Lastly, we get up at different times. I can get up, and get ready for the morning without waking her up, and when she works weekends she can do the same.
Usually once or twice a week when we both don't have work the next morning we'll sleep together because we do like cuddling.
Divorce is a strong term for something that has a positive impact on our lives and relationship.
Agreed and seems to play into recent trends. Why is doing the job I agreed to do quiet quitting? And if I want to sleep in a different bed that is sleep divorce?
Regardless, this article is so poorly written that I'm not too worried about this stupid term catching on even if the practise is becoming more come.
They’re not even accurate terms. When someone quits a job, they don’t do the bare minimum, or even a slight amount of work. They do ZERO work. So, logically, the term “quiet quitting” would mean someone who stays on the payroll and does zero work. They just hang out. That’s not what the term is intended to mean though, so it makes no sense at all. Similarly, sleep divorce would imply that there’s some sort of formal breakup because you no longer love each other at night or something? But that’s not what it means at all. You’re just sleeping in separate rooms. It makes as much sense as calling eating separate meals “dinner divorce”, or working separate jobs “work divorce” both divorce and quitting mean very specific things. You can’t just throw an adjective or noun in front of them and make them mean something not even related to the original concept.
Agreed. Thank you for being pedantic with me. Words having meaning. Smashing two words together and giving them an unrelated meaning makes me irrationally angry.
Any time I encounter this type of article, I presume AI-driven article farming.
It would be nice to not face that sort of tripe on a site like this.
But the idea generated interesting discussion. : )
How do you feel about Axios with its bullet point format? I've got it in my rss feed because it can be interesting.
umm...
This term has already caught on.
I actually read an opinion piece about "sleep divorce" in my preferred news website, but people complain about paywalls, so I decided to find another, more neutral, less paywalled, article to post here instead. Obviously, I made a bad choice.
I've deleted the post now.
I couldn't even make it past the first few paragraphs, this article is just horribly written. The grammar is stilted and awkward, and doesn't flow at all.
My first thought was to reserve judgement as maybe English isn't their first language, but I'm uncertain that's the case either.
It's written by someone who refers to themselves as an "Expert Blogger" and when clicking on their name you see that 85%+ of the posts are "11 things you wouldn't guess about XYZ, you won't believe number 7!"
Yeah this choice of nomenclature seems like a clever SEO ploy. It gets people arguing about whether it makes sense which just gooses search engine ratings even more.
the article is talking about
separate beds: Same room or different room, with no implications of the overall quality of the marriage.The advantages are easily imaginable.
Heres a Guardian piece briefly about the history of couples sharing a bed:
Rolled over: why did married couples stop sleeping in twin beds? A new cultural history shows that until the 1950s, forward-thinking couples regarded sharing a bed as old-fashioned and unhealthy
An older /r/AskHistorian post is also very interesting. In brief: those who can afford to heat rooms and have seperate beds, did. It was even somewhat of a wealth signifier.
Those people also had servants to do the housework, governesses to mind the children, and didn't regularly clock in for a job with routine hours though. I reckon there was a decent amount of napping throughout the day involved as well. I think the modern arrangement is probably as much a consequence of our lives being much more regimented despite the comparative material luxury.
You're right that those people would have had servants do all the heating work, all the laundry stuff, waking up with the children at night, and don't have regular hour jobs and probably napped.
I think when it comes to the modern arrangement, perhaps you're comparing present middle class, to the yester-year upper class, though. Upper class people today still have servants do all of that (including HVAC maintenance) and despite not needing to, probably still have one big shared matrimonial bed beside their many other bedrooms and many houses.
I think present upper class are still working fairly regimented hours though. The really idle rich, I imagine, are gallivanting around the world enough to where they don't actually sleep in the same house much.
That IS very interesting and I think I'll have to agree with you: there are more rich people today than ever before even if the idle rich remain in the same percentage. A lot more of us have a lot more stuff, even those of us who still work or can choose types of work.
Heck, I have far more resources and luxuries than most kings in history.....
The term is awful, the article reads terribly. The intent is reasonable (promoting awareness that couples can sleep apart and maintain a healthy relationship).
Yet, it's just not for me.
I believe that sharing a bed, making a conscious decision to go to sleep at the same time and maintaining slight physical contact are all actions which reinforce intimacy in the relationship.
Married about 40 years; separate bedrooms for the last 10 years; I do IT off-shift (7pm-7am) so my separate bedroom is also my home office.
I just hit 10 years married (together 17 and lived together for 13). We are both light sleepers and learned very quickly that of we wanted to stay together (or not murder/get murdered) it was beat we sleep separately. I preach the gospel of separate beds to who ever will listen.
I'm also a light sleeper so my partner and I sleep in seperate beds. The benefits keep stacking up. Time we make for each other feels more meaningful than making it the default behavior. I like to do things at night like yoga and using a Theragun. Recently she started getting up at 6am to go on runs while I sleep in. I have my own space and office while she has hers. I like to sleep with a fan on for white noise, she doesn't. All of this effortless synergy just by having separate beds. I'm with you, separate beds is the way to go.
My wife and I sleep in separate rooms and it has been amazing for both of us in all aspects of our relationship. I also am full-time work-from-home and she doesn't work so it also gives us some needed time apart so we don't want to kill each other. We are both diagnosed autistic/ADHD so we also have sensory issues that we can better accommodate in our separate spaces. I'd even say our sex life has improved as a result.
My wife and I got a split king ages ago, and it was the best decision for our sleep after the earlier decision to get separate blankets. Now she has a heated mattress cover, and I have a bed fan under the sheets, while we each have our separate nightstands with white noise for me, and random tv/whatever audio for her to fall asleep to. There's nothing wrong with sleeping together if you can actually both sleep like that, but I radiate heat like nothing else, and can't stand additional heat sources, while she needs external heat in order to be comfortable enough to even fall asleep in the first place.
Having an honest conversation about what you each need most in order to get a proper nights sleep can make an enormous difference in the overall sleep health of both of you, and getting that proper sleep in makes just as much a difference in how you both feel about each other and life in general.
This term is terrible and unnecessary. Sleeping separately can be hugely beneficial for some couples. Before my boyfriend and I moved in together, we decided mutually that we would want separate bedrooms. We share a bed on the weekends and also when one of us has medical concerns or something that need monitoring. I have a dog that he doesn't always want to sleep with, and he sleeps with fans, which dry out my sinuses etc if I sleep with them regularly. Also, having both the bedrooms in our house regularly occupied means that our parents don't feel like they can invite themselves to stay at our house whenever! (Lol.)
This has been our arrangement for two years and it definitely works. I have a very strict sleep schedule and his is more irregular due to obligations for his sports hobbies (late night games several days a week). I also have migraine triggers related to sleep, so getting the right amount during the work week is vital. It's weird bringing it up with people who have the idea that healthy couples MUST sleep together, but I think it's good to talk about it so that whatever stigma there is (especially if they're going to try to make this term a thing, yeesh) can fade away.
I have an aunt and uncle who have slept apart for most of their 50 year marriage. It seems to work fine for them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it if both partners are on board, I don't understand the stigma.
I am personally grateful that I can share a bed with my husband. It adds comfort to my life.
However, my grandparents had separate beds and seemed happy. I definitely know people with snoring problems. If I married one, I could not possibly share a bedroom with that person.
It’s not for me—sleeping with my spouse is lovely—but of course there are lots of good reasons this isn’t the best choice for every couple. But wow, let me add to the chorus of complaints on the writing quality. I had to stop most of the way through because I was losing IQ points.
Yeah sleeping apart is not our thing either. In fact, we're currently debating whether to upgrade from a full, which we've shared for 14 years, to a queen. I can certainly see the advantages of separate sleeping. My wife a I got separate blankets immediately which helps a ton with sharing a bed. Fortunately our late night habits are similar so there's no contention there.
If you look at a modern RV its very rare that they dont have a one large bed for a couple as well as additional single beds, presumably for the kids... but if you study older RVs from the 60s and 70s it was quite common that the 'master bedroom' had separate twin beds instead of a queen or king. Guess it wasn't cool to let the kiddos know that mom and dad actually slept together.
This a a ploy by big mattress! The proper way to sleep is inside your partner.