University at forty
(This post turned out longer than I planned. TLDR: I’m thinking about going to university at forty and I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with this and would like to share those?)
For those of you who would like to know more background:
I grew up in a dangerous household which is why I moved out from my mom’s house at seventeen and immediately started working. I worked as a freelancer and started some small businesses, mostly in advertising and technology.
About ten years ago (at 30yo) I felt both advertising and technology were not the places I wanted to work in. These were just the places that were accessible for me at the time in order to make a living and survive. But when the survival mode subsided, I found they didn’t fulfil me personally.
I had a daughter on the way and wanted to find a way to make more of a positive impact on the world. Because I had no idea how, I started interviewing people who I looked up to. People who are very aware of the issues that the world faces but are not paralysed by it. People who try to fix the biggest issues of our time.
Very unexpectedly, those interviews became a big hit. The response was so overwhelming, that it has now been my full time job for ten years. I’ve interviewed 150 beautiful people, published two books in the process and I’m working on the third.
In the past 6 months the financial stress of running this whole thing has lowered dramatically and we have found people who are helping us with the whole practical side of running this thing/interview series/podcast/art project/… (I don’t know what to call it). Which made me think about what’s next.
When I was seventeen, all my friends were at university. I loved having them over and talk about what they learned. At the time, I hoped my business would become so successful I would be able to afford private tutoring in everything that peaks my curiosity. That didn’t happen :).
The interviewing I do sometimes feel like private tutoring. I have learned an immense amount from these people. Albeit not really in a structured manner.
On of my favorite YouTubers had similar issues growing up as me, and recently posted a video where he announced he was going to college. It made me think about my own life. Maybe I don’t have to stay ‘a dropout’/“selfmade” (I disagree with that term but many people call me by it anyway).
My life is safe enough now to go to university. I can afford it, and I believe getting a formal education would very much challenge me, enrich my work and my writing and could maybe even be fun?
This is a long winded way of asking if anyone here has any experience in going to university at a later age. As I stated in the title, I am almost forty, and as much as this idea excites me, it also scares me and some relevant stories would maybe help in knowing what to expect.
Thanks for reading this far and sharing whatever wisdom you’re willing to share.
I went to university at 28, which while absolutely different from 40, still set me apart from the students who were undergoing the socially expected route. While I was there, there were students in my classes even older than I, though I didn't interact with them much. I hope that my thoughts on the topic help.
There's three major parts of going to university: the educational, the cultural, and the social. University isn't just to learn about individual topics, it's to provide a staging ground for forming young adults into a culturally similar cadre through shared experiences and information sources. (This isn't bad, but it is a thing that does happen.) As an older student, you'll get the educational portion, but the social and cultural parts will be harder. You will have had infinitely more life experience and different life experiences as compared to most of the students. Whether that would be a barrier for you in interacting with them isn't a question I can answer, but broadly my experience was that I did not get a social experience at university the way that it's obtained by people who go when they're younger. My wife had the classic experience of living in the dorms and then sharing a house with people the same age as her who were also going to university together, and those friendships have persisted for decades. Commuting to school while working and a decade older than my peers, I did not make any lifelong friends.
Those friends are also often the start of a young adult's professional network. Having shared experiences and a testing ground that showed what they were made of provides them a basis for networking and connections that will possibly help carry them forward. But this is again based upon social connections that may or may not form, and are less likely to if you attend at 40.
The education itself can be interesting, but if I were in your position I would ask myself what I was hoping to get out of it. Do you want a challenge that will play out over 4 years, expecting 20-40 hours of work a week for no immediate or concrete compensation? Do you want to broaden your life experience? Do you want professional challenges? University holds an outsized place in our cultural stories about bettering ourselves, and I'm with you on feeling the cultural weight we place on having a degree. I think it will be helpful to think about what, very specifically, you want to get out of it, and being very clear about what paths are most likely to get you what you want.
Ultimately, you will never have the experience your friends had when you were seventeen. It can be an experience you value, and it may be valuable to you, but it won't be the thing you heard about back then. Is what it is now something you want now?
I'm doing adult schooling part-time currently, and am also almost 40. It's not quite uni levels of commitment, though at the eu educational equivalent system it lands at level 6, which is quite good.
It was an adjustment, definitely, but I have definitely grown from the experience, beyond the actual school learnings. Having colleagues at various age levels has also been great
That’s nice to hear, thanks! That is something I wonder about: do you feel weird being older in that setting?
It's a little bit different in that there are often older adults doing the same schooling - In our class there's another person a bit older than I am, and the majority is mid 20s. Think the youngest is 21.
I wouldn't say I felt weird.. It was a bit of an adjustment, but I wouldn't say I felt out of place. The fact that we're all these to make ourselves better really makes a difference, I think. compared to similar age differences in other contexts.
I started school in my early 50s, and I’m now in my late 50’s. I’m not in a university because I can’t afford it and instead go to community college. I freaking love it.
I started a year before the pandemic. I had a lot of fear about things such as not fitting in, standing out, not being academically inclined, not being smart enough, and being lonely. Surprisingly, I wasn’t the oldest in all my classes though I was in most. What surprised me the most is how many people didn’t care how old I was. I made a point to join study groups which went a long way to being seen as just a normal college goer. I have noticed that some of the older people I’ve attended classes with feel the need to know everything (young people do this also), and constantly begin their “knowledge” sharing with something like “Well, I did such and such for x years so I know better than you.” I don’t want to be that person. Sometimes it’s difficult because I’m studying in a field that is adjacent to where I spent a good portion of my working life.
I only passed 8th grade because I aged out of it and only spent a few months in high school, so I thought I wasn’t good at school. The reality is that life was just a freaking mess back then, and there just wasn’t any bandwidth left for school. But I didn’t know that going in. I think that fear, the fear of not being academically inclined, served me well. I immediately set up a large whiteboard mapping out all my classes with assignments, due dates, and what times I was working on what, and then adjusting everything on the fly based on reality. I wouldn’t have known to do that for myself when I was younger. It was something I learned from working for myself. I also brought a work ethic that I didn’t have when I was younger.
I dropped out during the pandemic and then changed my academic track when I reenrolled. I can only go part time now. Socially it has been more difficult. I struggled for a while feeling like I was further behind than everyone else, like I didn’t know where to go for help, and that I was working in a black hole all alone. It dawned on me that previously I had forged contacts in classes that everyone has to take and that as we started funneling to more specialized studies and class sizes became smaller, we all kind of knew each other at some level. This time I entered outside of that cycle and am kind of the “new” face and the oldest buy at least 15 years. Once I realized that, I took a deep breath and started making an effort to put myself out there. It’s paid off.
I’m doing this because I want to have gone to school. I want to have this experience. I like to stretch and expand my mind. I always felt less than because I didn’t go to school, and I have often been treated like I’m dumb or ignored because of the way I speak or write. Those thoughts and feelings also played a part in going to school. But they don’t really motivate me anymore. I just really freaking like it!
I would stress you consider why you want to go to college because what I’d tell you would change dramatically based on that.
If you want to learn specific skills or things about the world, college is great. I’m not sure I’d use that as an excuse to get a full degree.
If you are looking to do it to become employable, well, it really depends on what industry you are trying to enter, but generally I don’t think they’re worth it at this time because companies are generally going to want younger people who will be more compliant to their operational bullshit. If you are going into tech… uh, good luck?
If you are doing it just for the experience and to become more well rounded, go nuts. If you intend on doing in person classes, be prepared to be alone in a sea of youth. On the other hand you probably have the rhetorical skills to shatter all of their viewpoints, which might be fun. 😅
I wasn't 40 when I finally finished school, but I was in my early 30s. I was a bad student in my traditional college years. Like too busy partying and all that. My ability to buckle down was quite outmatched by my ability to shotgun beers and do shots night after night. I eventually stopped going to school in my mid-20s, finally realizing I was just wasting money left and right. Money that I'd have to pay back and am still paying back. And will be.
Anyway, I got to experience college as both a traditional student and non-traditional student. And honestly, I was waaaaay more prepared and disciplined as a non-traditional student. I wish I would've waited to go to college. So being older, and having matured and ideally having more self-discipline will put you at an advantage.
And self-discipline is a big one in college. If you don't want to study, no one is going to make you. If you don't want to show up, it's usually NBD. At university, at least when I was there, no prof is giving points for showing up (though at community college, they were definitely taking attendance). If you don't want to do the homework, that's your choice. No one will make you participate. But if you do all those things, profs will usually more lenient with you. I once skipped a term paper for a class, but I participated all the time, showed up all the time, and literally did everything else. The prof knew I knew my shit. Still got an A in the class, lol.
Many classes only give points for exams and projects/papers. Your whole semester will be based on a mid-term, a final exam, and whatever major papers/projects you have. That's it. So if you fuck up even one, it can hurt a lot.
When I finished my degree, I took pretty much all night classes. Mine were often twice a week, 3hrs each. That's crazy for some people; I loved them. Anyway, those night classes tend to attract other non-traditional students. But there were still some younger traditional students. And I interacted with them. I wouldn't call any of them friends and no one was inviting me to a kegger (😭), but regardless, I think there's a realization that we're all adults and it doesn't matter if you're 18yo or 40yo or 60yo! And I've had 60yo classmates before. Not many, but a few. That said, you'll probably naturally gravitate towards the folks closer to your age. But keep an open mind; you're all there to learn. Lean on them, let them lean on you.
Congrats on finally doing it though! You'll settle in quickly and get the hang of it. And it'll be over before you know it!
My partner returned for an additional degree in his mid-30s. It may be a different perspective because he got a degree when he was young, and this time returned for a specific field of work.
Before he ever considered going back to school, he spend time with a career counsellor to figure out what exactly he wanted to transition to, and got an entry level job in the field to get a sense of whether it was a good fit. He also took a couple online standalone courses first, which I think helped him get into the learning mindset.
For me, seeing him in school with this focus and passion, and contrasting it to my own approach when I was younger and in school, has left me thinking 'damn, I wish I'd had that pragmatism and drive back when I was in university.' I think there can be huge advantages to getting a degree when you're older and know yourself, the world, and what you want to get out of the effort. But also, his preparation was because although he didn't need loans for school, it was a financially tight decision that felt like a bit of a scary leap of faith to attempt, so he wanted to be sure he was doing the right thing for him. In school, and in his new field, I can say I swear he sometimes comes home with more energy than when he left in the morning, so that leap certainly seems to have been worth it.
On the social side, his classes have been very collaborative (this would be very program-specific though), and he's gotten along great with his classmates despite age differences. He hasn't socialized outside of classes really, but also, he has his own life and doesn't really want that.
One idea if you're not sure: can you take one-off or continuing education classes at your local university in subjects you're wanting to learn about? It might be a way for you test the idea, see if you'll get what you're hoping for, before fully committing.
And on a side note, can I just say that your life story sounds like you've led an interesting and fulfilling life so far.