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    1. Eldritch Love.

      Longest piece to date? Last night I saw a beast four different heads with blackened eyes. Not black in metaphor, but from the blood that dried inside. Each of seven legs was mangled and the beast...

      Longest piece to date?

      Last night I saw a beast

      four different heads with blackened eyes.

      Not black in metaphor, but from

      the blood that dried inside.

      Each of seven legs was mangled

      and the beast was blind

      but she could fly.

      .

      Once upon a night so dreary,

      and so dreadful I

      came across a weathered bar

      a woman stood inside.

      She sat me at a table, there was

      not a soul in sight

      but I felt fine.

      .

      Then she brought a glass of dark with

      something new inside.

      Leaned in close and whispered to me

      "Baby, close your eyes."

      I parted my lips and drank as

      her hand guided mine.

      My guard resigned.

      .

      She said "I know a place where you can

      truly feel alive.

      Each one of your problems fall

      defenseless by your side."

      And she wrapped her arms around me

      I contently sighed

      as she took flight.


      Her wretched and misshapen legs

      held me close to her chest.

      She let out her warning cries

      i inhaled every breath.

      Her claws were creeping out I

      fell upon them like a bed.

      I laid to rest.

      .

      I fell into a home so oddly

      shallow and recessed.

      The walls were made of rock,

      a water drop fell on my head.

      There was no single light,

      the ceiling lowered as she led

      me to her den.

      .

      As I looked around the room birthed

      questions in my head.

      So opposite the warmth that she

      had first on me impressed...

      She stroked my cheek, claws on my chin

      my heart fluttered, digressed.

      I was possessed.

      .

      She laid me on the floor and stood with

      five legs for each end.

      One aside my head and feet

      another at my hands.

      Then she gently laid a blanket

      down over my head,

      "Shall we commence?"


      I still feel it so vividly

      each night I fall asleep,

      the fused infatuated fear I felt

      at a monster's feet,

      when that heinous eldritch horror

      drained my blood from me,

      took me for libation, prayed a tithe

      she poured me out.

      Her heart could call the kettle as it,

      too, went black in drought

      She bore her fangs and lowered,

      took my body in her mouth.

      She then carried me cliffside, like a dog

      she threw me down.

      My corpse then fell so far, on

      impact, no audible sound.

      The final earthly thing I heard,

      her shriek, "The Gods are proud."


      Now upon each night so dreary, she

      crawls out to find

      a source of poor, defenseless blood

      that she can sacrifice.

      She'll lure them in with gentle kisses

      and sapphire eyes.

      We all will die.

      Epilogue.

      On my way to death, I was met

      with a choice instead.

      I could end my life or help

      ensure the gods were fed.

      In the heat of fear and pain I

      then nodded my head.

      The halls of purgatory filled with

      screams and smells of death,

      as my eyes dried from the inside

      and I then begat

      five extra legs.

      6 votes
    2. 12:08

      So what’s the deal with offices, amirite? What if we gave a building full of adults enough money to get by. Oh, and also they have to drive 30-60 minutes to get here. And that time they spend on...

      So what’s the deal with offices, amirite?

      What if we gave a building full of adults enough money to get by. Oh, and also they have to drive 30-60 minutes to get here. And that time they spend on the way here? Yeah what if they just gave us that for free, and we made them pay for parking!

      I know, I know, fantastic right? But listen, it’s not over yet. What if we also made the work pointlessly constrained to a particular 8-hour block in the day, five days a week so that they never have any personal time, even though this is all work they could get done in four hours a day and is fully capable of being completed on their own?

      Fabulous!

      ——

      So yeah, I don’t have free time. That means I’ve got a few half-ass pieces that I’ve been wanting to finish up for awhile.

      Apparently bars are open today, so I’m gonna get sauced and get to it. Prepare for a small dump today. (Also I got some dummy minor news imma share in another post. Stay tuned if you want. Or don’t ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ all’s well.

      Anyway here’s that piece now.

      ——-

      I remember that time I forgot your

      birthday

      And that time was today

      At 12:08 in the morning

      And for a moment

      I felt great.

      .

      My dear that was the first sign

      That you were

      Slipping on out of my mind

      Today I’m sober in the morning

      Feelin okay.

      .

      Well well-butrin what a surprise

      When it done

      Come on back to my mind

      Now it’s 12:09 in the morning

      And ain’t shit changed.

      .

      And in those 60 seconds

      Girl I swear

      I learned a lesson -

      Depression is a woman

      With your name.

      10 votes
    3. fotózás

      fotózás i wonder what it must be like to remember your life. i wonder what it must be like to record it with a flash. i wonder what it must be like to pass those memories down. i wonder what it...

      fotózás

      i wonder what it must be like
      to remember your life.

      i wonder what it must be like
      to record it with a flash.

      i wonder what it must be like
      to pass those memories down.

      i wonder what it must be like
      to be normal like that.

      6 votes
    4. nyáj

      nyáj in the shadows of a great unrest stand hallowed halls yet undisturbed by collapse. to be untouched by revolution is a lucky fate for a place like this— so stable in lives and yet always...

      nyáj

      in the shadows of a great unrest
      stand hallowed halls
      yet undisturbed by
      collapse.


      to be untouched by
      revolution
      is a lucky fate
      for a place like this—
      so stable in lives
      and yet
      always received
      with such hostility.

      oh, to be a church—
      a great meeting hall
      for those of
      the faith—
      is to be us,
      the people of this place
      who dare to
      keep their fire alive.

      we are but a
      little congregation,
      coming together
      once in awhile.
      giving praise to
      what had been;
      remembering what
      our time had lost.

      we bear upon our weary backs
      a legacy
      and hope one day
      to restore it.

      but
      we must rest now,
      and resign to our dreams
      what could be again.

      5 votes
    5. And I Deal With It

      A free form poem. You sing the devotion song and your people drink from your font of well-meant falsehoods. They sway in the breeze, roses ripe for cutting, so you reap. And I deal with it. Brain...

      A free form poem.

      You sing the devotion song and
      your people drink from your font
      of well-meant falsehoods.
      They sway in the breeze,
      roses ripe for cutting,
      so you reap. And I deal with it.

      Brain revolting, hands shaking, heart beating
      Sweating, aching, freezing, creeping thoughts
      that I'm not enough.
      I'm a failure. I don't deserve it. What if this goes wrong?
      "Sometimes it can take awhile to find the right combination of medications."
      And I deal with it.

      The blood in the streets is cleaned, pristine,
      likewise the crimes of an otherwise good man.
      Heads shake and hands pray,
      repeating robotic platitudes, but I do
      nothing.
      And I deal with it.

      The sun shines high and the wind blows cool.
      Our future dances and plays in the light.
      We watch and her skin is soft, her hair yet softer, and I hold her
      against me.
      This too shall pass, my gut twists in knots.
      And I deal with it.

      Dark nights, dark thoughts
      in front of a washroom mirror.
      Lightning thunders, they come and go.
      Drinking my hopes to keep them gone,
      I tell myself, "This isn't you," but it hurts and it's true and I can't stop the dreaming of passing this down
      And I deal with it.

      7 votes
    6. The Lab

      This was written for a themed flash fiction contest (the theme was Technological Dystopia) and ended up losing, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to share it here. It's not my proudest work but, as...

      This was written for a themed flash fiction contest (the theme was Technological Dystopia) and ended up losing, but I figured it wouldn't hurt to share it here. It's not my proudest work but, as flash fiction, I think it works well enough. I hope you enjoy!

      She was three floors from the bottom of the sunken tower when the crying first reached her. A quick swipe earned her a pair from the rack nearby and she continued her descent.

      With the aid of technology this process had been streamlined and systematized such that these checks were only needed once a month, but everyone dreaded them. She had drawn the short straw this time and, though it had been years since last she’d ventured to The Lab, she still remembered her last haunting experience. It wasn’t that she was a dissenter or rebelled against that which needed to be done. This was a necessary evil to save their species, but she was still a human being. Seeing them all like that, all tubes and tapes running from frail flesh, was enough to turn any stomach.

      A pair of heavy iron doors sat ominously in her way as she bottomed out. She could see the white, crisp interior of The Lab beyond and pushed forward, swallowing her hesitance as best she could.

      Before her lay a large room with clean white tile, walls and harsh, flourescent light. It smelled and looked like a hospital because that’s exactly what it was. 10 rows and columns of small, clear, plastic boxes stretched between her and the far wall. The muffs were doing their job exceedingly well, but she could still hear the awful racket bouncing around her memory. She took a deep breath, steadied herself, and started working.

      Her primary duty was to make sure the machines were functioning correctly, mostly the arm that glided to and fro above the boxes, administering medicine or changing bags of various fluids as need be. She would also be checking the tubes for clogs that may have been missed by any old or worn out sensors; this was the part she dreaded the most. She flipped the lid on the nearest box and checked the left, then the right, and lastly the tube running into its belly button, and closed the box quickly.

      It couldn’t have taken her more than 5 seconds but that short time was enough for the anguished face to plaster itself onto her mind. Everyone does their part, she reminded herself, from the start to the end. It didn’t serve a purpose to bemoan that which she could not change. She moved on to the next crib, hoping this would go by faster than she expected.

      Halfway through her checks she hit a snag. There was a clog in Crib 54. She could register the fault in the system and it would fix it on its next hourly cycle, as were her orders, but it was such a small clog. The tube simply needed to be changed, and as a nurse she was well-versed in the procedure. In that moment it was decided.

      The tubes themselves were specially designed to be thin and flexible, but rigid enough to fit the shape of a tear duct. Her first task, after finding a pair of gloves, was to gently remove the tube currently in the eye. She hovered over the crib and gently pulled the tube out of the right tear duct. It came slowly, millimeter by millimeter, each bit covered in more goop and mucus than the last. It wound its way up into the sinuses which meant, by the end of it, she had pulled at least five inches of tubing. This she discarded.

      Next she had to insert the new tube (these were kept in abundance in a draw underneath the crib). She grabbed one, snipped it to length with a pair of scissors hanging from the IV stand, and took a moment to recent herself. Inserting the tube while the child was crying would be much more difficult than removing it.

      As gently as she could she reached down and, with her index finger and thumb, pried open the eye of the little one. With one came the other, the muscles young and unwilling to work independently, and she found herself staring into a pair of brilliant green pools. Her heart melted and, for the briefest moment, she thought of taking it. She could smuggle it out. The bed being empty would trip the system but she could clear the error and explain it away somehow. But no, that was silly. This wasn’t a decision for her to make; things were done this way because there was no other choice.

      She pushed the tip of the tube into the tear duct confidently, shoving the traitorous thoughts from her mind as the child’s cries were renewed with pain. She was here to do a job, cold and emotionless. It wasn’t her place to question the way things were done. The tube went in without a hitch and the child’s eyes snapped closed again once she released them. The little bundle of agony before her squirmed and she saw the tears begin to flow anew. With swift, definite movement she closed and latched the lid.

      The rest of her checks went smoothly, but she couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling that now ran rampant in her gut. She hated Lab duty, and she expected that would always be the way. With a heavy heart she signed the documents needed to record her visit, noted the tube change in the work log, and left The Lab through its heavy iron doors. The trip upstairs would be long and tiring, but at least she could try and forget ever having been here.

      12 votes
    7. I know nothing

      I know nothing nor do I want to: a blank brain is all I want! I have nothing nor do I want to: I want to be, nothing else do I want!

      5 votes
    8. Pins and needles

      Pins and needles in my left leg. As I minimally move they acute and grave. I sleep, I shall wake up; what will it have been: a circumflex, or an umlaut?

      10 votes
    9. June.

      You know they’ve got poetry on Spotify? That’s some cool shit. Ended up following John Cooper Clarke into a rabbit hole of other British poets. Decided to bite and try writing a bit of poetry for...

      You know they’ve got poetry on Spotify? That’s some cool shit. Ended up following John Cooper Clarke into a rabbit hole of other British poets.

      Decided to bite and try writing a bit of poetry for poetry’s sake.

      Anyway. ‘Ere go. “June.”

      I thought your voice was music

      And your beauty - work of art.

      I found your jokes amusing,

      Ponygirl, a golden heart.

      Your company, a journey

      Which I never could depart

      I really felt I loved you,

      Well, I did once, at the start.

      .

      See, music can be different

      Some songs good, and others crap.

      Some begin melodically,

      Then get crashing in a snap.

      Starting subtle violins,

      Then it blares with metal scrap

      They lure you malevolent

      Some music is a trap.

      .

      Some artists Donatello,

      Others Jackson Pollock.

      Some art goes well with wine,

      Some turns you alcoholic.

      Some is deep and intricate,

      Some is purely bollocks

      Can’t call this a masterpiece

      I’m not sure what to call it.

      .

      Thought your lips were pure cuisine

      And your beauty - work of art.

      I never thought the kitchen

      Would have mold and rot at heart.

      The oven sent asunder

      All the counters ripped apart

      You’re a diner with one dish,

      And it’s a dry and sour tart.

      7 votes
    10. enikő: a story written on the edge of sleep and sanity

      enikő a story written on the edge of sleep and sanity The dreams never seem to come unless they're tortured memories or painful reminders of some ill-begotten past nobody wants to remember. To...

      enikő

      a story written on the edge of sleep and sanity

      The dreams never seem to come unless they're tortured memories or painful reminders of some ill-begotten past nobody wants to remember. To sleep is to live with that reality, but there can be no sleep in such reality either, and neither can there be peace. In the reality there is Enikő, eyes strained against an all-consuming darkness, and the many fractured people that exist within.

      "No sleep," mutters Enikő into the void. There are no people around to hear that, except the many fractured people within. Enikő flashes out of existence at once and the fractured people take their spaces, dance their dances against the blackness.

      "You know," scolds Alyaza Birze, who flashes at once into existence, "you must cease to suppress me one of these days!" Probably Enikő is not truly around to hear this in the reality, for Enikő is just as nonexistent as all the other people within the darkness. Alyaza pays it no mind, for she is accustomed to such.

      "Why must you always tax yourself so, Enikő?" calls Alyaza out to the void. "You know as I that you must sleep. The nightmares are no more common than the daydreams, and neither too are the thoughts. They are not often for you. Rest at once." The void does not answer.

      Alyaza flashes back into nonexistence, and so takes her place is Natja Avidina. In some other place in some other space, it is so that Natja and Alyaza exist as roommates. In this reality though they are consigned to singular existences, never seeing one another. They are opposites, yin and yang, and in this reality yin and yang cannot be at the same time. Natja cannot exist where Alyaza does, nor can Alyaza exist where Natja does. Natja pays this no mind, for she too like Alyaza has long resigned to the void reality.

      "Why do you make yourself suffer, Enikő?" slips the quiet voice of Natja into the void. "Surely you too must be tired, even with the nightmares and the thoughts, and surely you too must realize that there is no guarantee you will even remember them if you rest?" And then Natja too snaps out of existence and is replaced by Enikő.

      "I don't want the thoughts or the nightmares or the dreams." says Enikő from reconstitution. "I have dreamed and thought like a crazy person for years and every day my sanity slips a little more because of it! Must I be consigned to suffer then like every other facet of life simply because you two demand it of me?"

      Enikő's eyes drift, and into the void Alyaza calls back a simple "yes" before disappearing again. In the void little figures dance to the rhythm of a silent melody, one-two like so then one-two again, not figures like Alyaza or Natja but the manifestations of the thoughts and dreams and every little thing the brain conceives and conspires to employ in this god-forsaken hellspace of a reality. Fire and brimstone could never compare to the void that taunts and harasses the very depths of soul and sanity.

      Enikő's eyes drift back into the void. "I refuse," she says with conviction. Sleep will bring upon this void all the figures dancing to the invisible beat a thousand times over complimented with the worst machinations of the mind. One thousand times too many has this happened and one thousand and one will not tonight.

      Enikő gives way to another shard of a body, the one that always confronts the thoughts. The eyes of Twilight Sparkle methodically survey the void for the usual actors, the ones that seem to recur every time she is spirited to this curious place. This is not her home, nor has it ever been, and why she is here she never does seem to know. In another place she is lauded but anxious perpetually, sent against fate and time and gods themselves in the name of an abstract concept she supposes she represents. Here, she exists as a mixture of reason and reaction, and in the void it is never certain which side dominates. She has never been used to the void, but the void cares little for such things.

      "The thoughts aren't anything you haven't experienced before." she says carefully. "If it were my call, I'd take it. Better than what the rest of the mind can spit out if you stay in this void for too long."

      The manifestation of reason disappears, and reaction it seems has lost the day for once. But Enikő responds only with "I refuse" and vanishes once more into nonexistence. The Thompson-esque scene must shamble along once more, resembling more and more an acid trip gone awry with its talking purple ponies and radical socialist gryphon-kind. The void answers the call with frantic pace, the one-two double timing without a breath to spare and the void reaching with the first tendrils of abject paranoia. The void must call its call and spread until entropy overcomes its will. Sleep must one day win over void, or void must overcome all things otherwise.

      But Enikő only pops back once more to refuse. "I shall not sleep, and none shall tell me otherwise. No void shall overcome me, no matter what, and I would sooner die than feel the thoughts once more."


      Alyaza Birze has a plan. She is no strategist of course, and pays no claim to being such, but just as Enikő was the body within which all of the fractal personalities contained themselves, Alyaza was a person into which Enikő could project. And just as Enikő knew Alyaza, Alyaza must then have known Enikő.

      The one-two one-two staccato of the void grew seemingly always more and more discordant, for which Enikő would no doubt pay in short order. But the void reality was not the only reality into which all of the fractal personalities could contain themselves, and Alyaza Birze knows this. There are many vectors by which to project yourself into another reality, and this too Alyaza Birze knows, but it is a very specific reality that Alyaza Birze seeks. And so into the void, with sudden rhythm, is a familiar humming.

      Doo do, doo do do do.

      Do do do do, do do do do, do do.


      It is some indiscriminate time, in a place that is less so indiscriminate. Alyaza Birze is on a podium at the head of a sea of curious lifeforms in a reality that places her in a Thompson-like Battle of Aspen. But far from Aspen, this reality invokes some mayoral election for a town named Ponyville in a land called Equestria, in some god-forsaken reality that demands words but defies them and calls for no less than six tabs of acid. It is Birze, the uncharismatic but ever convention-defying radical speaker who raises a Gonzo fist to a species with no opposable digits and recites with conviction "All you maggot-smoking fags on Santa Monica boulevard." No explanation for these words or their significance to the Birze campaign is given, nor for the Gonzo fist, and the reality at once seems to shatter into a million ill-fitting pieces from such an illogical state of being. Birze pays none of it mind.

      Somewhere to the side of the sea of life is a Twilight Sparkle equally oblivious of the void and all too aware of it, cringing at every word spoken by Birze and no doubt trying to distance herself from every syllable that is enunciated on that grand podium. No self-respecting person would be caught dead wholeheartedly agreeing with some platform literally based in nothing in this reality (except of course for the vast masses already doing so but without saying so). But then all of this is irrelevant and Twilight knows this and it is merely pomp and circumstance to the call of the void which exists and eats away at everything like a malignant cancer even in so far away a place as this. Behind the thinly veiled, multicolored sets of this reality jolt the rhythms of the void reality, ready to expand and consume here just as it too shall consume Enikő. And so it is under that circumstance that exponentially titled future Mayor of the Reality of the Freak Power Ponyvillians Alyaza Birze and shattered personality Twilight Sparkle meet both knowing and not knowing why it is they meet.

      "To what pleasure do I owe speaking to the visit of our presumptive mayor?" asks the purple pony in the Thompson-esque scene. The void at least will not eat these words, so there is point and purpose in the intonation put on them.

      "Someone as smart as you surely must know why I am here and not anywhere else today. Void is void, Tevilias. It is another one of those." said Alyaza with reservation. "And certainly I am no mayor, for the record."

      "You must forgive me," Twilight strings together with lackadaisical attitude, "but what would 'one of those' mean?" There is an air of resignation in the words, like the inevitable weight of a hundred-million realities is about to crash down on this reality and consign it to some bad acid trip where it belongs.

      "Well you know as I, Tevilias, that in twenty-odd hours I shoot all of you to that beat and tune, that bullshit line of "All you maggot-smoking faggots" in this strange smoke and mirrors bullshit reality that exists. That is where the thoughts go, that is what the void calls, and it is you who will die there too in agony a hundred times any other. And no doubt you know that I have no desire to do that. We've been through this a hundred times, haven't we? And we know what happens if we do that."

      "Sure." The resignation is enviable.

      "And so we will not let that happen, will we? Because it's not like I want to murder. And you know what will happen if we do." The three-headed cerberus that inhabits the void makes itself known then.

      "I WILL MURDER YOU ALL IN COLD BLOOD" bays the first head. The second nods solemnly as though carried along for a ride it never asked. The third head is manic, bearing no mind to anything but the vast and acid-like surroundings and teetering back and forth on the cusp of some far off reality from here. All of them are Alyazas, stuck in a body that never represented them in a world that never cared for them, or so it seems. No one head ever seems to dominate, except when it surfaces and becomes The Alyaza Birze, the one that people know. And never is there a time when one knows which one is The Alyaza Birze or if none of them are The Alyaza Birze, the one that everybody interacts with. Perhaps twenty-odd hours from now it will be the first that will do the killing.

      "So perhaps," says Alyaza Birze, the cerberus disappearing at once, "we should make this quick then." And Twilight Sparkle can merely nod as one of the fragmented personalities once in her own reality and soon to again no longer be.


      The void cannot pace itself any longer, and the discordant harmonies cease at once to contain themselves. The thoughts grow darker and drearier as they always do and the figures in the void give way to the schizophrenic happenings of the night. The shadow figures that once were become again and reanimate against the pitch black, the vividness ever greater. Sleep is enviable, but the void shall not overcome. The thoughts shall not overcome, not the dreams of dying or doing the death dealing nor the inenviable and inevitable thoughts of wanton mutilation. "The void will not overcome me, and I shall not sleep." says Enikő, and the void surges its tendrils once more.

      Alyaza Birze and Twilight Sparkle and all her friends and all the other fractal personalities but Natja Avidina constitute themselves in the void once more, humming the refrains to a song which they all care to know as fractal personalities to a person. What a thing to be a witness to the sunshine! What a dream to just be walking on the ground! Into the void must strum the beat to something more cheery, something to at least dispel the thoughts and the agonies and the void for awhile, something that isn't so depressive and destructive. Don't get so upset, the refrain cries, the world was never fair--but there are ways yet to get through the day and so too perhaps the night. None of the fractal personalities sing, for singing is never quite their tempo. In some other, non-void reality perhaps this is so, but here they simply drown in the thoughts. And the thoughts are drowned, slowly, but inexorably, by the feelings of the music.

      The void begins to slow, and entropy takes its course as does inevitably for all things. Soon the dreams are gone and so too go the thoughts with them, and at once there is a true void where the nightmares and the thoughts frolic no longer.

      "Well that was not so hard." says Alyaza Birze. "A work done well by everybody, I suppose." Twilight merely scoffs, and says nothing of it before she is reconstituted into her own reality, to perhaps be shot again sometime in not-so-far-gone future. So too out of existence and into their own blink her other friends, ever present in this void from time to time as she but never quite players in its major doings. One day in the not-so-far-gone future it is they too who may die at the hands of some Alyaza Birze. But tonight they are merely fractal personalities in a large symphony of them, called upon ever and remembered never.

      Into the night Alyaza Birze skitters onto paper a little testimony she picked up on a day she can no longer remember but which sticks into her mind evermore.

      It reads:

      In my own country I am in a far-off land
      I am strong but have no force or power
      I win all yet remain a loser
      At break of day I say goodnight
      When I lie down I have a great fear
      Of falling.

      And then she too blinks into nonexistence, perhaps in some not-so-far-flung future destined to be as she was this night to kill, perhaps destined to rewrite the words of testimony, but ever destined to repeat the cycle of doing and being and defusing crises on this night and all others a million times over now and forever more.

      And for the first time in a long while, Enikő is at peace and sleeps.

      6 votes
    11. Man of the Train

      Another story. The narrator is not well and slips into periods of "extended daydreaming" where they image they're someone else or that the context of their life is otherwise different. I thought...

      Another story. The narrator is not well and slips into periods of "extended daydreaming" where they image they're someone else or that the context of their life is otherwise different. I thought about coloring the text differently for those moments but couldn't figure out a way to do it well.


      No one walks out to this place. Why would they? It’s too far for children to be playing or for teenagers to sneak away to, there’s no beauty or interesting landscapes or scenery for hikers, and God knows it’s worthless for development. I walked out here because I knew I couldn’t stay at home and I kept walking because I knew I had nothing to go back to. Then, brooding, thinking that I would just continue walking until I died of exposure (which would have taken a while in that day’s mild weather), I stumbled across this place. I stopped to explore it of course, how often does one’s life yield such a whimsical sight?

      I started daydreaming as I walked through the trains. They looked ancient, the cars were buried up to their wheels in the dirt and huge patches had lost their paint and rusted over. The interiors were stripped, but I spotted some kind of hatch in the roof (by the pile of leaves and other debris below it) and clambered up. Then I was standing astride the car looking down at the whole scene. Two neat little rows, five cars in one and four in the other, with the only sign tracks used to run here being a small corridor where the trees were shorter.

      I loved it. It was a sort of post-industrial twist on the railway bum, you know? They would hitch rides on trains and travel all over the country, seeing everything it had to offer and adventuring everywhere they went. I had, in the past, been disappointed I didn’t live in a time where the vagabond could thrive, and was delighted to imagine the 21st century equivalent. Sitting in a rusted old abandoned train car, the Seeker (I always name my characters like that) sat by his gas fire watching the rain pour down and spatter across the corrugated walls. It was lovely. I felt much better and after playing around a bit more headed back home with a smile, all the while dreaming of the Seeker. The evening passed comfortably and I slid into sleep imagining I was the man sleeping out by the trains.

      I pulled my blanket closer, clutching it around myself. I had found something, and tonight II was able to rest peacefully because of it. The night breeze flowed over me in soft, regular breaths. It was sweet and pleasantly cool, and carried memories of cheery days. All else faded always as I walked into them, leaving behind the blanket and the breeze and the night itself.

      When I got up the next morning though the levity had vanished. I dragged myself through the morning and lacking anything real to do and completely out of distractions for the afternoon I headed out for another wander in the woods. Alone with just the half-leafless trees to speak to I very quickly fell into my thoughts and my world of pasts, real or imagined. I don’t know how long I walked, just that after a while my breath was coming out in ragged bursts and that I was approaching the top of a hill. Attaining it I realized with gloomy resignation that I was somewhat lost, and that the cup of tea I was desiring now more than most anything would be a while yet. As I started back in the direction I more or less thought town was I imagined how the Seeker had trudged through the same damp leaves and browning grass. Autumn would quickly change from the mild early days to the coldness that marked the start of winter, and this landscape would be unrecognizable. Even this escape would not last. Just like them. More gloominess. Pushing through a thicket of young trees I was surprised to be face to face with the train wrecks from yesterday, and, after briefly marveling at the occurrence started back home. I was throwing off my shoes and starting the kettle in just over an hour.

      At home I picked, for some foolish reason, the blue teapot (of memories) and was soon sitting at the table and warming my hands on a steaming cup. I was shivering. Sometimes I don’t realize how cold I am until I’m back inside. I need to dress warmer. For a while I could pretend to be content sipping at my tea and feeling myself thaw out a little, but after a few cups I started thinking about what I would do for the rest of the day. That’s why I had gone out in the first place wasn’t it, that I had nothing here? I didn’t feel warm anymore. And since I had picked this pot (it was three years ago, why should I care?) my thoughts slid further and further back until I was recalling the conversation we had over it. And how I had laughed and taken your picture holding it and you had smiled as the wind whipped your hair back and I couldn’t stand sitting there and looking at it anymore. I fled to the couch and fell face first down into it.

      What was I doing? I couldn’t sit here for another eight hours waiting to go to bed and dream, I was gripped with sinking panic just at the thought. No, I couldn’t stay. And I didn’t have to. If I could tell myself a story about it, I could do it myself, right? I could just leave. I could make it real. Go to another town, or sleep in a car, or, go camping. Yes, I could camp for the night. I did tell people I was an outdoorsman after all, even if for the past few years I hadn’t done anything more than day hikes to run from my reality. I had all the gear, I knew what I was doing.

      Twenty minutes later I was out the door, heading back the woods for the second time today, this time with my pack slung across my shoulders. As I walked I thought about how unpleasant this would probably be and I was pleased. At least it would be because of something else. Something immediate. I went to the trains because where else would I go and also because I knew they were isolated and I wanted to be sure no one would be out harassing me over lighting a fire or being a vagrant. It was perfect.

      And as evening fell the fire was lit. I had set camp in between the two rows of derelict cars to provide some shelter from the wind.

      The heat from the flames sank into the metal siding of the cars and soon they were radiating back a friendly warmth. Touching it felt almost like being warmed by the sun. I leaned back against one now and stared at the fire. It was a comfortable scene, even if the ground was cold and hard and all I had to do was sit and think and brood. It was basically what I would have done at home anyway, but now I was not drawn into despair. No, out here all these feelings were beautiful, and if it was beautiful I could enjoy it. Some time and drinks passed and I became outright elated. Considering the whole absurdity of where I was right now I had to laugh. I might curse my life every day, but it was, if nothing else, interesting. Even if I was the only one who would ever know. Just look at where I am! I grinned and kept laughing and drinking and soaking up the intoxicating woodsmoke and tender light that flowed from the fire. I loved that this was something I did. And later as the flames hid back in their coals I climbed into my tent and floated right away on a dreamless, happy sleep. Lord of my little realm of heat and smoke. Good times for all. All for good times.

      I sat at the edge of fire’s light clutching my cup closely. It was a bitter tea, what one could brew with just a cup over a camp fire, but I sipped at it greedily anyway, burning my lips on the rim. It would hold the blaze’s heat for a while yet, the cup was almost painful to handle even through my gloves, now streaked with ash. It had been a long, cold day. I had almost lost myself, but now, resting in the half-light at the edge of reality, it was alright. I smiled and, tipping my head ever so slightly up, whistled out a few bars of some song or another. Yes, here it was alright. There was a lot I didn’t know, but that was fine, I knew I was, as was the fire and the smoke and the warmth and the tea.

      I refocused on the fire, source of the little world I had found myself in. It was as if I were gazing through into my own light. A welcome feeling, as I had felt a dull cold more than anything recently. I looked more intently, allowing the firelight to wash out the surroundings until I and it were all that existed. Like this I could see hints, now and then, of what had been. Perhaps if I looked too greedily the flames would even take me then, shattering the gracious illusion of the light in the process. No, echos would have to do. They were all that was real anyway. I stared for a long while, lost in burning contemplation.

      That was a... number of days ago. I haven’t counted exactly. For the first few I was at home most of the day, only heading out for the trains in the evening. The first morning I didn’t plan to come back at all and tore my whole camp down. But around mid afternoon my listlessness would become unbearable and I’d flee from the prospect of another night in. So I started leaving my tent pitched, figuring I’d do this as some kind of therapy until I got better and figured out what I was going to do with myself. And I did get better! Or at least the more time I spent in the woods the less time I was sinking in the mire of my thoughts and the more I marveled at them. Maybe they were still dragging me down, but I didn’t notice anymore. Soon I was spending the afternoons out as well, and then I was only going back home in the morning to grab food and water.

      I’ll probably be forced out by the weather soon. It’s been getting much colder these past days, but I don’t want to leave yet, I like this routine. I like the work of building the little stone wall, or clearing the ground around the fire pit I’m slowly carving out of the stiff ground, or sketching my map of the area around the camp. It was more than I had back there.

      As the last of the purple in the sky was swept away by the darkening blue I stretched out alongside the newly rekindled fire. I had known for days that I was not going to find it here. I would have to go back and see what was next for me. But it was comfortable here, and for that I could pretend I had a reason to stay, at least for a little while longer. Yes, I’ll have to leave soon, but for now I can just enjoy the fire. I can walk in dream a little while longer.

      9 votes
    12. fuck you.

      God put me at ease deliver me to peace. if you're above deliver me to love. there's not a sign you're months without a call. i begin to think you never cared at all. in winter breezes hang me from...

      God

      put me at ease

      deliver me to peace.

      if you're above

      deliver me to love.

      there's not a sign

      you're months without a call.

      i begin to think

      you never cared at all.

      in winter breezes

      hang me from the trees.

      god i'm sick of

      never feeling enough.

      make me crease and

      break me at my knees.

      tarot prophet guide me

      with your crystal ball.

      .

      read the names i've

      written in my skin.

      banish me to walk

      alone in cold.

      hit my face and tell me

      this is it.

      kill me, say you

      never cared at all

      .

      screaming in your car

      you said you'd call the cops

      if i don't take my seatbelt off

      on our way home and walk.

      .

      screaming in our home

      you'd always slam the doors

      and leave the silence ringing

      in the halls

      .

      alone in dark i wailed

      you didn't care.

      as you sat there on your phone

      and talked and talked.

      .

      always acting like

      i wasn't there.

      even asked me to pretend

      that we were not.

      .

      remember back in college

      when you made some friends

      and tried to make me hide,

      not show me off?

      .

      tried to tell them

      i was just a friend.

      and when i protested

      god you told me off.

      .

      but when i made you mad

      how mad you went.

      and appeared inside my room

      without consent.

      .

      i walked in and found you there

      sat at my desk.

      it should've ended there

      but i regressed.

      .

      i said we would grow past it

      never did.

      always made me second guess

      the life i live.

      .

      it's not my fault

      that you stayed home alone.

      why do i slash and cry and pray

      that you'll pick up the phone.

      .

      tell me why i love you

      when it's wrong.

      .

      .

      .

      tell me why i want you

      when you're gone.

      .

      .

      .

      i want you to ignore me,

      miss my calls.

      .

      .

      .

      if at least you'll speak

      to me at all.

      fuck you.

      i'm sorry.

      i love you.

      fuck you.

      fuck you too.

      12 votes
    13. Who Miss a Lil Durnk Bishop

      BISHOP NEHM MICH UNTER we off the drink we off the emo shit esskeetit peep the inspo track sat the bottom or we cant be ffriends sold my soul to the devil so that i could feel valued remember bein...

      BISHOP NEHM MICH UNTER

      we off the drink we off the emo shit

      esskeetit

      peep the inspo track sat the bottom or we cant be ffriends


      sold my soul to the devil

      so that i could feel valued

      remember bein in a empty

      home with a vacuum

      former straight-edge

      off the drink, off the valium

      wanna go back to our

      mornings with the cartoons

      made my heart a whale

      then you hit it with a harpoon

      bleedin on the beach, staring

      up at the full moon

      sometimes life rains

      down in a monsoon

      i'd be glad to drown if

      it means i can love you

      .

      but i cant even hug you

      can't even text you.

      antidepressooos

      bishop 5'6" but he tryna

      be big news.

      .

      tryna get big so you

      cannot forget me

      honey your love is a

      xanny it's deadly

      how'm i supposed to

      forget about kelly

      or bout all of those nights

      that you called me, unsteady

      wish i loved you correctly

      shit got unsteady

      i was just tryna get

      us a few pennies

      put you in a bentley

      put you in the fendi

      wasn't rich enough so

      you got all offended

      on the offensive

      antidepressents

      fuck that bullshit

      it just makes me sedated

      .

      dont wanna feel shit

      if i cant feel you

      prayin that you'll text me

      "let me heal you"

      you got 50 shades of grey

      i can see through

      but somehow still

      made me believe you

      ignroed all the red flags

      so i could keep you

      mistook for an angel

      whenever i'd see you

      but now you a model

      you said "i don need you"

      looking for a camera

      you can show your tits to

      then the devil approached me.

      said "i can guarantee you."

      .

      so i went to the sea

      heard a voice, "take a knee"

      so i nodded, agreed

      and he said "you will serve me -

      Boy listen closely

      each one of your dreams

      surrender control to

      you want the money,

      someone to devote to,

      4-k square foot house

      to go home to.

      this, i can construe

      if you submit to

      living your life, all despite

      where you'll go to.

      i now control you

      your soul - i have claim to

      but think of all the things

      that my hands can bring you.

      so i bowed on my knees -

      now this man, i submit to.

      .

      ave satani

      i give you my body

      my soul, it was drawn, he

      took it, made a copy

      forgot about mommy

      woke up smelling coffee

      looked in the mirror

      did not hate my body

      the sky was all foggy

      and greyed-out, but oddly

      i liked it enough to

      not waste the day nodding

      or off of the molly

      or in my room rocking

      with her voice talking

      .

      ave satani

      the blood and the body

      the dark it is calling

      and i find it calming

      it's sated the longing

      lil bishop's evolving

      let's go to the graveyard

      i feel like walking

      and talking

      and nodding


      inspo tracks: peep this shit

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w--D1S8SrCQ

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7Ff0bq_ydEQ

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y17IQ96Zzjk

      8 votes
    14. la dernière fois qu'elle m'a chanté

      i headed home from the store last night hair kinda fucked up red in my eyes stared at the road not a car in sight looked up at the sky sunset looked nice drinks in the seat drugs on the mind...

      i headed home from
      the store last night
      hair kinda fucked up
      red in my eyes
      stared at the road
      not a car in sight
      looked up at the sky
      sunset looked nice

      drinks in the seat
      drugs on the mind
      looking for a way to
      go numb for the night
      then the clouds came down
      sent a fog up high
      couldn't see ahead
      something didn't feel right

      i was five minutes out
      so i pressed on home
      accompanied by another
      feeling of alone
      turned on the radio
      put down my phone
      tried to shake the nerves
      with a half-good song

      pressed on the gas
      and the fog pressed low
      saw something flickering
      with shape unknown
      it was just dead ahead
      then a mile up the road
      then i came to a halt
      from my seat i was thrown.

      --

      front-end smashed,
      not a soul was around
      i called out for help
      but nobody heard a sound
      i crawled to my car
      and i looked all around
      then i looked up to god
      and the rain came down

      then my radio sang,
      and i turned my head 'round
      reached for the volume
      my hand knocked out
      heard a voice, "listen close"
      as my back hit the ground
      then the radio spoke,
      in my head, heard it shout


      i awoke in my bed
      with no pain in my neck
      rushed out to my car
      no sign of a wreck
      didn't know the day or
      the time, had to check
      8am again, the crash
      didn't happen yet.

      i tried to think back
      memories on a thread
      but something stood out
      ever clear in my head,
      the song that i heard
      with the words i can't forget
      had to write em all down
      i ran back to my desk


      i rushed the words down,
      i almost felt myself mad.
      the song made me miss
      a love i never even had
      that's when it clicked,
      i finally understand
      finally took a look
      at the world in my hands

      she was never perfect,
      negatively drove you mad
      all the pain, the hurt,
      anxiety, you felt at her hands
      you remembered all the exits,
      and escapes that you planned
      but you persevered through,
      now she loves another man


      but fuck it, that's good
      she only ever made you hurt
      all the times you felt alone,
      and mistreated by her words
      all the foolish fights she started,
      all the stupid shit she stirred
      look past all the beauty, boy
      abuse, you don't deserve

      it's a big-ass world, boy
      you'll find a better girl
      take a look back for yourself
      and see how things really were
      go on, my son,
      you'll inherit the world
      because the love that you miss,
      you never had back with her.

      9 votes
    15. will.

      apathetic. hardly wanna move, too depressed to drink pathetic. see a demon's hand on your closet door forget it. possession and a hell- bound sentence better than remembrance. my uncle got so...

      apathetic.
      hardly wanna move, too
      depressed to drink
      pathetic.
      see a demon's hand
      on your closet door
      forget it.
      possession and a hell-
      bound sentence better
      than remembrance.
      my uncle got so fucked
      up that he passed, guess
      it's genetic.

      exhausted
      tryna make depression
      beautiful, poetic.
      tired of this dance
      between lethargic,
      apoplectic.
      brain on sober
      tweakin every minute
      schizophrenic. all
      the thoughts i'm
      barely eatin tryna live
      up to aesthetics.

      tired of my fucking
      skin, a serpent's wish
      to shed it.
      i saw all the flags
      drenched in red
      how prophetic.
      baphomet in
      female form, they said
      you'd be angelic.
      my single dying wish
      you'd be a little
      sympathetic

      -.

      don't come
      don't come
      to my funeral.

      don't cry
      don't cry
      at my funeral.

      just know i
      thought you
      were beautiful.

      even with your
      knife at my throat
      beautiful

      .

      where to go
      no one's home,
      honey can i call?

      every day
      feed the night
      it's insatiable

      i never thought
      i'd come to say it
      maybe its your fault.

      i cant believe ive
      come so low to say
      that its your fault.

      -.

      i hope you kiss me,
      hope you hold me,
      when i see you in hell.
      cuddle closely
      and console me
      when i see you in hell.
      girl dont push me
      will he? wont he?
      boy how many pills?
      all his poems,
      magnum opus, testa-
      ment and will.

      if i cant know you
      lay beside you
      then somebody will.
      dont wanna own you
      or control you, you
      do what you will.
      i'll just sit here in
      the cold, alone, and
      write my will.
      bottoms up a
      litre wine a couple
      hands of pills

      3 votes
    16. unawake no escape . i whisper secrets to sedate .

      FUCCCCCCCCCCCC IT WE DRUNK AGAIN WE OUT HERE GEN Z PAINN VIBIN *#BIGMOOD* dont @ me if u aint catch tha links https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShI6axFfqj4 https://i.imgur.com/LKIwWHa.png...

      FUCCCCCCCCCCCC IT WE DRUNK AGAIN

      WE OUT HERE GEN Z PAINN VIBIN

      *#BIGMOOD*

      dont @ me if u aint catch tha links

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ShI6axFfqj4

      https://i.imgur.com/LKIwWHa.png

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DjhJ_Sv0MlI

      ich schlaf'
      auf einem Bett
      das ich aus Stein
      gemacht hab'

      ich schließe
      fest die augen
      aber finde keine
      Schaffe

      einfach nur
      das Mädel das
      hat mich früher
      verlassen

      dann klebt mein arm
      in der erde ein
      um mich zu
      begraben

      -.

      ich hab an
      sie gelacht und
      sie sieht mich
      an mit Hass

      ich hämmert auf'm
      Nachttisch
      bis ich wurde
      aufgewacht

      dann fragte ich
      an Gott warum
      ich denke immer
      krass

      Hände in die
      Taschen, lauf'
      alleine auf'm
      Strass

      ich möchte kein mehr
      Weihnachten,
      ob sie nicht an
      mir sagt:

      -.

      Schätzi, guten
      Morgen und
      mich küsste auf'm
      Hals

      Ja ich
      möchte Kaffee
      ja ich lieb' dich
      ebenfalls

      "Liebe macht das
      Heim" hat sie auf
      unserem Wand
      gemalt

      lustig, dass sie
      nicht mehr ruft
      mich an oder
      mich halt

      -.
      ?
      i dreamed
      of you
      with angered eyes,
      a gaze that
      filled with hate

      i felt my arm
      beat on my dresser
      'til i did awake

      a soft and shaky
      soul succumbed to rub
      against the grate

      life has been for nothing since february eighth.\

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KvlGMCVGkQA

      6 votes
    17. jetpack like spy kids

      my head is aching, day four in sobriety. is it the drugs or every- thing that runs about my dreams all the people in my night- mares never let me sleep. my angry father, my old lover, or my...

      my head is aching,
      day four in sobriety.
      is it the drugs or every-
      thing that runs about my dreams
      all the people in my night-
      mares never let me sleep.
      my angry father, my old
      lover, or my mother's screams.

      i go to bed at noon
      and i wake up at three.
      no power left, make some coffee
      just whatever's cheap.
      folgers tastes like cigarettes,
      a cup of apathy.
      wanna sleep inside a noose
      on a dramatic tree.*

      eyes on gucci cus
      they're catching bags
      they're getting dark, like the
      stones came, painted them black
      i wanna move to where the dems are at.
      to the palm trees and the medicine.

      i fantasize about a booked flight,
      goodbyes, and a packed bag.
      fresh check, laptop,
      in my backpack
      new friends, new home,
      and a black lab.
      but that's all in the clouds
      and my drugs are a jetpack.

      but now i'm sober
      and i'm jetlagged.
      and now she's back
      turning my dreams bad
      woke up, aching head,
      and a hurting back.
      dig in my closet
      for a white bag.

      if i'm lucky it's a heart attack.


      • this line isn't mine, wish it was though, i love how self-aware it is when it comes to the hyperdramatic bullshit i always write. would love to write some more stuff in this style.

      oddly enough, it's from a game grumps episode of super mario galaxy lmao

      maybe adding that and fixing the meter in these. i feel like the meter in my sober stuff is really jumpy - i can hear the different parts in my head but i don't think im piecing them together well.

      4 votes
    18. Analyzing a drunken mind.

      have i ever done post-drunken poetry before? i've got to be breaking some sort of rule with the amount i've been spamming this site over the last four hours. I'm gonna go make breakfast and take a...

      have i ever done post-drunken poetry before?

      i've got to be breaking some sort of rule with the amount i've been spamming this site over the last four hours.

      I'm gonna go make breakfast and take a few days away to compensate.

      sorry. thanks for listening.

      much love


      i woke up after
      three hours of sleep
      took a look around my room
      and everything was tinted green
      had a sobering reminder about
      why i shouldn't drink
      i get caught up in the moment
      and try too hard not to think.

      i'd do anything to go numb,
      i'm afraid of that side of me.
      it's hard, i hate myself
      when in the middle of sobriety.
      the room is tinted yellow as
      the sunlight slips in quietly
      i'm at a fork in the road,
      man, i gotta choose carefully.

      to the left a road of headaches,
      heartache, a masochistic fantasy
      take everything the hard way.
      drunken, spinning memories
      thinking of the good days,
      accepting they're behind you
      and your options won't change.
      you're numb but somehow bitter
      life is shorter, and it starts to fade.

      off right a path of effort and torment,
      pushing through the years of shit
      that you drink just to forget.
      the subtle kisses on your forehead
      are bullets of a war chest
      you're naked and afraid and
      your perspective's all distorted
      tryna shake your obsession with the morbid
      it's been about a year since you last felt worth it.

      and say you choose the better
      of the two, here's the evil thing.
      the second road is always there,
      quiet, calm, and glistening.
      internal scars and all the
      hurt will start to dissipate
      just share another secret,
      close your eyes, and disintegrate

      you're still quite young,
      there's time to do the right thing.
      maybe depression in aesthetic
      isn't really worth you dying
      and you won't find steady love
      by telling everyone you're crying
      that just attracts the broken, you
      need something solid and inspiring
      to all of you who noticed,
      heard my wishes and my wailing

      i'll switch to water, hope
      that better starts prevailing

      3 votes
    19. Scourge (a Codex short story)

      I've seen the occasional poetry thread, but I thought I would post some more traditional writing. This short story is background lore for my ongoing web serial, Codex, which takes place a thousand...

      I've seen the occasional poetry thread, but I thought I would post some more traditional writing. This short story is background lore for my ongoing web serial, Codex, which takes place a thousand years after these events.


      The research team looked like ants in the scry-screen, crawling around the laboratory as they completed the ritual’s final steps. When the spell was powered on, it let out a brief flash of brilliant orange light that made Tarrel wince and shade his eyes. The ants milled about as if their hill had just been kicked over, swarming this way and that, huddling over the piece of enchanted metal.

      Tarrel stood up and left the viewing room. Renna looked up as he entered the laboratory and waved him over, a broad smile on her face. She held out her hand, offering him a bracelet made from some shiny metal; it looked like two flat chains had been woven together into a thin, knotted band. “Is that the eternium?” Tarrel asked. “Why a bracelet, and not a sword or spear?”

      Renna stepped away from the five other people as an argument developed over one of the experimental readings. “It’s a gift.” She gave him an impish grin. “You’re allowed to enjoy the fruits of your labor, you know.”

      The eternium was slick against his skin, as if it had been greased, and it had a mirror-perfect reflective surface that threw the bright overhead lights back into his eyes. He angled it away from him and stared at the gleaming metal, trying to dredge up the appropriate emotion, as if he could summon it into being by sheer willpower.

      Logically, it should have been easy -- he had all the pieces: a beautiful girlfriend (if occasionally annoying), a prestigious research position, and a talent for magic that made most other wizards look like fumbling idiots. And of course, he was a Raal, entitled to all the benefits that came with higher civilization: immortality (or a very long life anyway), near-absolute freedom to do as he pleased (as long as that didn’t impinge on others’ freedoms), safety (from physical harm). Any non-Raal would kill to be where he was, and it was a safe bet that most Raal who knew him were at least a little envious of his status. But happiness, like an improperly drawn ritual, refused to manifest… and all Tarrel could feel was a bleak sense of anticlimactic fatigue as he looked into the shiny mirrored surface.

      Renna moved closer and touched his arm. “Hey. What is it?”

      He forced a smile onto his face and slid the bracelet onto his wrist. “Nothing.” The rest of the team was gathered around an Aether screen. Part of Tarrel wanted to join them, plunge back into the soothing distraction of work, but all at once he couldn’t stand the thought of doing so. He turned back to Renna, forcing the words through numb lips. “Let’s go out together.”

      They could have taken a teleportation circle or a flier, but Tarrel wanted to walk so they strolled the floating streets of Ur-Dormoth together. It was nighttime, but the walkways were all lit with bright white mage-bulbs. Aircraft hummed overhead, like gigantic wingless insects, disappearing into the night as they left the city.

      “Ever been to a mite city?” Tarrel asked as they walked.

      “No.”

      “I have,” Tarrel said. He brooded for a moment, staring out at Ur-Dormoth, sprawled across the clouds like a tangled pile of glittering lace. “They’re cramped, and squalid, and they stink of death. It’s like being in a corpse.”

      Renna shrugged, seemingly unconcerned by the fate of however many millions of less fortunate people lived on the land below them. “Why do you bring it up?”

      “I don’t know,” Tarrel said. “Have you ever wanted something and really worked for it, only to find that once you had it, you didn’t want it anymore?”

      “I’m not sure I understand,” Renna said. “Why would you work for something you don’t want?”

      Tarrel sighed. “Never mind.”

      They went to the Eyrie, where Tarrel tried to look interested in the menu before giving up and ordering at random. The food arrived a few minutes later, looking decadent and delicious: creamy soup, flower-shaped pastries, a platter of fried onions. Tarrel ate mechanically, doing his best to appear as if he was enjoying it, but all he could think about was the emptiness he felt inside.

      “How’s the food?” Renna asked.

      Tarrel glanced at the pale white soup he was eating and tried to decide what to say. “It’s good.”

      Renna leaned back in her chair. “I knew you would like it.”

      “How long do you think it’ll be before we can start mass-producing the eternium?”

      Renna blinked, caught off guard by the sudden change in topic. “A few more weeks? Once we do, the applications are immense.” Her eyes were practically glowing with excitement. “What would it be like to live in a tower taller than the highest mountain?”

      Tarrel stirred his soup, wishing he could share her energetic happiness. “That’s a long way to fall.”

      Renna chuckled, a delicate sound like tinkling crystal chimes, and tossed her sleek white hair over her shoulder. “I’m sure they’ll have protective enchantments. It would be quite the scandal, to be the architect responsible for the first death in centuries.”

      “They don’t let you Merge,” Tarrel said, only half paying attention to the conversation.

      “What?”

      “Murder. If it’s deliberate, your thread is cut. No children.” Tarrel made a snipping motion with his free hand. “But if they think you meant to kill, then it’s a life for a life.”

      Renna stared at him. “How do you even know that?”

      Tarrel shrugged, already losing interest in the topic. “Memory spell.”

      “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

      “It’s too difficult to cast for most people,” Tarrel said. Though that would change, if he ever got the framework functioning.

      “What’s the framework?” Renna asked.

      Tarrel realized he had spoken out loud. “Just a project I’ve been working on. You speak a command, and the framework casts the appropriate spell for you. All the power of a ritual, none of the difficulty.”

      “That seems pretty useful. How’s it going?”

      Tarrel blinked, not sure if he had heard her correctly. “Useful?” His lips twisted. “Nobody else seems to think it would be.”

      “Are you serious? The applications for research alone would be immense. Imagine never having to cast another scrying spell.”

      “They said it would be too inconvenient, or that the magic would lack power, or any of a hundred other excuses.”

      Renna reached across the table and put her hand on his. “It sounds amazing to me.” Tarrel met her eyes, searching for any hint of insincerity, but all he found was honest admiration. “Can I see it?”

      Tarrel shifted in his seat and looked away. “I, uh, sort of abandoned it. Nobody seemed to want it and I ran into some thorny problems, so it seemed like I was just wasting my time.”

      “Well take it out of storage! Don’t worry about them, once they see what it can do they’ll all change their mind. Your legacy would be etched in the stone of history, right up there with Elmar the Great and the Risen Kings.”

      Renna frowned and held up a hand to forestall his reply. “One moment. Someone’s trying to talk to me on the Way.”

      Tarrel watched, but Renna’s expression gave away little. Half a minute passed before she finished. “What was it?” Tarrel asked.

      “The research lab.” Renna’s face twisted in disgust. “Apparently they decided to run another batch of eternium, but someone messed up one of the protective spells.”

      “Oh,” Tarrel said. He knew he ought to say something more, but somehow he couldn’t bring himself to care about the fate of the researchers. If they couldn’t even cast a simple set of wards, they deserved what they got.

      “They’ll be fine,” Renna said, apparently mistaking his silence for concern. “At least as long as nobody screws up their healing magic too.” She hesitated, then stood up. “I’m sorry to cut this short, but I really ought to be there.”

      “It’s fine,” Tarrel said. “I’ll head back to my house. Maybe work on the framework some.”

      Renna smiled. “I still want to see it.”

      She walked over to the teleportation circle in the corner and activated it, vanishing with a soft pop. Tarrel was left in the deserted restaurant -- or not quite deserted. There was a man, washing the tables with a cloth. Tarrel watched him as he worked his way across the room, until he was near enough to talk to.

      “Why do you do that?” Tarrel asked.

      The man looked up. He had a rough, honest face. “Why not?”

      “You could let the golems do it. Or, if you wanted to make sure it was done properly, you could use magic. Why do it by hand?”

      “Sure. The golems would probably do it better than me, and a spell could do it faster and better. But that’s not the point. Haven’t you ever found pleasure in work?”

      Tarrel was on the point of saying no when he reconsidered, remembering all the times he had thrown himself head-on into inventing a new ritual or improving an old. “I suppose so. But my work isn’t something a golem can do and, when I’m done, I have something at the end.”

      The man chuckled. “And when I’m done wiping a table, I have a clean table.”

      “Only until someone comes in here and dirties it again,” Tarrel pointed out. He paused, struck by a sudden thought. Was that the problem, the reason for the hollowness all his achievements seemed to have? Even as one of the brightest researchers of the century, his name would inevitably be forgotten, in a hundred years, or a thousand, or ten thousand. But if he was able to create a new paradigm for magic… then he would be remembered.

      “If I’m still around, I’ll get to enjoy cleaning it again. If I’m not, well, like you said: the golems can do it better anyways.”

      Tarrel blinked, startled by the man’s voice. “Uh, right,” he said. He stood up. “I need to go.”

      He took the teleporter back to his house and went down to his private laboratory. White mage-bulbs flared on as he entered the spacious room, illuminating the Aether screen set into one wall and the stone floor, still etched with an old circle. He cleared it, resetting the solid granite slab to its original, perfectly smooth, state.

      Tarrel spent the rest of the night hunched over the Aether’s display, tweaking and changing the framework. Every so often, he would stand up and etch it into the granite floor with an eye-searing burst of brilliant orange light. Each time, the spell failed in a new, unexpected way, and Tarrel was sent back to the Aether to try to find the source of the problem.

      The days merged into weeks, which flowed into months. Tarrel enchanted himself with restorative spells so he didn’t have to eat or sleep. Such behavior was considered unhealthy by most people, but it wasn’t the first time Tarrel had lost himself to the grip of work, and he no longer cared if his friends whispered behind his back or shook his head when he wasn’t looking. Like Renna had said, they would change their mind soon enough.

      Renna knew enough to recognize the signs of Tarrel’s obsession, but she didn’t stop coming over to visit him. The door chimed regularly at noon every third day. They sat on one of Tarrel’s couches for ten or twenty minutes, talking until Tarrel could no longer keep himself away from the laboratory and made his excuses. For him, the time seemed one long hazy blur, interspersed only by slight, inching progress as obstacle after obstacle rose up to meet him and was defeated.

      Eight months later, Tarrel stood before the granite slab and powered up the latest spell. “Fire,” he said, envisioning the unlit torch in the corner igniting. He didn’t really expect anything to happen and was thus shocked when it erupted into orange flame. His hands trembled with excitement as he stood up and approached the crackling brand. Magic! By talking! At last, it was working.

      “Freeze,” Tarrel said. A chill swept over him as the torch’s flames guttered out. Water condensed on the blackened stump, then froze solid into a glittering sheen. A smile spread across his face and something warm and… happy rose inside him, like winter ice cracking and melting as summer approached. Renna’s words came back to him: Your legacy would be etched in the stone of history and he threw his head back, laughing.

      Further experimentation revealed that the framework had exceeded his wildest expectations. He refined the spell, reducing the energy it consumed and increasing its potency until at last, it was fit for use in a globalization ritual. Everyone in the world, if they had the basic training necessary to use magic at all, could now access the framework.

      Tarrel reached into the Way, calling for Renna. She responded at once, as if she had been waiting for him. What is it?

      Come to my house, Tarrel sent back. I have something to show you.

      He severed the telepathic link and stood up, unable to stop grinning. The eternium bracelet gleamed in the corner of the laboratory where he had tossed it and he went over and picked it up, turning it over in his hands. General Yenja had been excited about the eternium project. What would she think of the framework? But that was a matter for another time -- right now, he wanted to see Renna’s face when she saw what he had built. Tarrel slipped the bracelet onto his wrist and hurried up the stairs. Behind him, the mage-bulbs blinked out and the laboratory plunged into darkness.

      Renna knocked on the door several minutes later. Tarrel glanced at it. “Open the door,” he said.

      It swung aside, revealing a harried-looking Renna. “What is it?” she asked as she came inside.

      Tarrel grinned and pointed at a glass of water sitting on the table. “Watch this,” he said. “Freeze the water in that cup.”

      The surface of the water turned frosty and opaque, spreading downwards with a deep cracking sound. All at once, the glass shattered, spraying shards and chips everywhere. Tarrel jerked, surprised, then broke out into a laugh. “Sorry,” he said. “I should have been more specific in my wording.”

      Renna touched the solid cylinder of ice, setting it off into a lazy spin. It twirled across the table until Tarrel caught it with one hand. “How do you like it?” he said.

      “Impressive. Can I try?”

      “Sure. I put it in the Way, so you should be able to access it just by thinking about it.”

      Renna gestured at the ice in Tarrel’s hand. “Melt.”

      Nothing happened and Tarrel chuckled. “It takes some getting used to. Try starting to cast the spell normally, then use the framework.”

      “Melt.”

      This time, the frozen water turned warm and started to dissolve, gushing all over Tarrel’s hands. He tossed it back onto the table before it could soak his clothes. “Freeze.”

      Nothing happened and he gave Renna a rueful smile. “My mana cache is empty. I didn't even notice but I've been using the same one for all my research.”

      “Here.” Renna withdrew a fat diamond pendant from beneath her shirt and held it out to him. “Take mine.”

      “No,” Tarrel said. “I have a better idea.”

      He reached out with his mind, drawing on the inert mana present all around and concentrating a small amount of it, refining it into the potent stuff that was normally used for spells. Only a drop, just enough to kickstart the spell he had in mind. “Refine one nex’s worth of mana. Put it into my cache, then cast two copies of this spell, using mana from the cache.”

      It was the longest framework-boosted spell he had cast, but it went off without so much as a tug of mental effort. A thin trickle of mana pulsed through him, then died off as the spell became self-sustaining.

      “Did you just -- ”

      “That’s right,” Tarrel said. “I just revolutionized the mana collection industry.”

      Renna frowned. “Maybe you ought to slow down.”

      “Slow down? Why? I feel great.”

      “That’s because you’re using those invigoration spells.” Renna looked around. “Do you feel that?”

      It was an tingle, like an electric wind brushing over Tarrel’s skin. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the diamond cache, shielding his eyes as it began to glow an intense white. “Behold,” he said. “The future of the Raal.”

      Renna stared at the diamond. “That doesn’t look right. Your new spell -- ”

      “Not a new spell -- a new paradigm. For centuries, we have cast magic in essentially the same way. Spells have gotten better, thanks in large part to the tireless efforts of researchers like you, but it’s time for something different. Instead of engaging in a mental wrestling match, we shall simply give an order as if the magic is a servant.”

      “Your refinement spell has a -- ”

      Tarrel slammed his fist on the table. “Shut up!” The framework turned his order from wish into reality and he felt a sudden spike of shame. Using magic on a fellow Raal? What was he doing? But she wouldn’t see. He continued in a calmer voice. “It’s people like you who delayed this project by almost fifteen years. All that time, wasted.”

      He felt the pulse of magic as Renna broke through the framework’s silencing spell. “Listen to me,” she said. The urgency in her tone gave Tarrel pause. “That diamond is about to overload. It’s the same mistake you made with the ice.”

      Tarrel glanced at the incandescent diamond cube, mentally going over the wording he had used with the super-refinement spell. The same mistake he had made with the ice? The air around him felt… thin and weak, while the space around the cube seemed to shimmer and warp. What was going on? And then he got it.

      He stared at Renna, horrified. “Quick. Give me your cache.”

      He began the transfer spell, reverting to the more familiar mental casting in the moment of crisis. It was still incomplete when the cube exploded with a chiming sound that reverberated through his bones. Pain stabbed up Tarrel’s hand and he screamed, flailing around and spraying blood from his two missing fingers. Threads of orange refined mana flickered all around him like a hazy fog and the room dissolved into panic as the magic ran wild.

      Renna’s hair stood straight up. She had time for a single terrified scream before lightning discharged from her body. Bolts radiated out in every direction, crackling and splitting the air apart, disintegrating her body into hot black flakes. Some of them landed on Tarrel’s face and he stumbled back, staring at the black scorch marks on the floor.

      Tarrel’s weight vanished all at once and he floated off the ground, crashing into the ceiling before gravity reasserted itself and threw him back to the floor. The awful ringing of the broken cube continued to echo through the room, growing in strength instead of fading. It tore through his head as he wrapped his ruined hand in his shirt and sprinted for the door -- only to have the space in front of him warp and elongate. The door receded away, until it was like he was looking down a long corridor.

      The first rips began to appear, fuelled by the still-continuing refinement spell as it pumped refined mana into the shards of the diamond cube. It was as if reality was a sheet of glass, fracturing and splitting. Black cracks shot through the room as the chiming hammered through Tarrel’s body. They began to glow, dim white at first, then growing in strength. They pulsed. Flickered. And as Tarrel’s hand reached for the door handle, they exploded.

      Pure, white light surged out into the city, spilling from the research laboratory where Tarrel had conducted his fatal experiments. People screamed and fled. Some tried to cast spells, only to have their magic go awry in a wash of strange effects. Teleportation spells transported heads without their bodies. Flight enchantments sent their users hurtling into buildings. Wards imploded, crushing that which they were meant to protect.

      Ur-Dormoth was just one city out of hundreds, but the Way, a global telepathic link which united all Raal, was irreversibly tainted. Less than a year passed before Tarrel’s name was forgotten, but in the end he got his wish: an eternal, undying legacy -- in the form of a vast, magical wasteland sprawling across a quarter of the continent.

      7 votes
    20. Pretty Terrible Story About Death or Something

      I don’t know about you, but I’d always been taught one of 2 things about death. Either You die and that’s that, nothing else happens and you slowly turn to unthinking dust or You die and get...

      I don’t know about you, but I’d always been taught one of 2 things about death. Either
      You die and that’s that, nothing else happens and you slowly turn to unthinking dust or
      You die and get transported to some mystical outside realm, either a heaven, hell, or purgatory where your immortal soul spends an infinite amount of time

      Now, these aren’t nearly the only interpretations in this wide world, but if you grew up as a middle class white kid in suburban America, this is likely all you heard.

      It took until my 30th year for one of these to be the official accepted scientific theory on the afterlife. Finally, after all these years, science had an answer for what happened after death, and it was-

      Well

      Actually, it’s not really what happens after, per se. No, this perception could not occur after death. There simply was no way any living thing could continue to perceive after death, either any way of defining life we have would be thrown out the window. Instead, this was an explanation for those pernicious near-death experiences that pop up every now and again. Rather than being dead and having moved on, these were all visions people have in the moments prior to death.

      Essentially, the afterlife was all a dream put on by the brain in a vain attempt to keep itself happy and alive.

      This led to a thought. What was the limits of these dreams? Would they continue forever? Would the occupant of the dream believe they could still die in the dream, or would they be an immortal thought, a ghost of firing neurons? Is the brain capable of nesting time ad infinitum, or is the clock speed of the brain too slow for that?

      All signs seemed to point towards the brain giving the occupant infinite joy. Citing coma patients who believed they lived millenia in only a few weeks, the majour scientists of the day claimed a way to cheat death. After all, the only limiting factor here was how fast a bolt of electricity could move across, and since that was basically light speed, time didn’t really matter.

      It didn’t really matter.

      This of course led to a massive increase in suicides throughout the globe. It seemed the main limiting factor for many was whether suicide may lead to a unpleasant scenario. Even those who hadn’t, prior to the discovery, had a single suicidal thought cross their mind jumped at the chance of eternal joy. It wasn’t until much later any sense came into people.

      See, it seems most people are born without a fear of the infinite. I won’t assume, of course, but would you truly find an infinite heaven scary? I would. Infinite time leads to infinite scenarios leads to infinite amounts of both joy and pain. Any amount of fun, after a sufficiently long time, gets boring.

      So, the world was whipped into a global frenzy of life. Wars ended as neither side could really justify it anymore. People finally began to help each other.

      And then, just as quickly as this afterlife frenzy started, it was announced the initial findings were incorrect. Perhaps a decimal slipped, so the official story was death was finite and there was no afterlife.

      That was the official story, of course. The unofficial story…

      Well,

      Imagine you’re trying to do infinite things in two seconds. If you could split your time infinitely, you could complete all infinite things in two seconds. But all the same, everything would be done in two seconds.

      Imagine now you’re trying to do those infinite things in two seconds again, but you have to work against your hands slowly disappearing. Much more difficult, and now you’re less likely to complete those infinite things, but a more finite set. If you think this whole scenario is ridiculous, it’s all based off an account by a Survivor.

      The Survivors were a test group who were used to poke and prod at their afterlives until it could be fully explored. They’re who first discovered the effects of cell death on the afterlife.

      As a body dies, the cells begin to die at a rate of 10 millimeters every second. The initial researchers thought this irrelevant, as the speed of the brain was too fast for it too matter. What they didn’t factor in was that he brain is one of the first parts of the body to die. Sure, electricity moving across perfectly kempt brain cells moved near light speed, but add in broken highways of neurons and suddenly it grew much, much slower.

      The first Survivor to discover this recounted the sky slowly darkening and a void suddenly appearing on the horizon. They were lucky, as the test was ended prior to any majour brain damage. One less so had their memories scanned to reveal their perfect paradise being reduced to a one by one meter square and their representation writhing on the floor in apparent pain. They were not recovered.

      Of course, the researchers were horrified. Only weeks prior had they stressed how painless death should now be, and here was a gauntlet thrown at their feet. So they did the only sensible thing: Lie to prevent a mass hysteria ending in the death of all humans.

      And so it’s seemed to work. Just remember, if you see an empty horizon, this is the explanation:
      Death has always been with us.
      Nobody cheats Death.
      Death will always win in a cosmic tug of war.
      And, most importantly, It’s already too late It's already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late
      It’s already too late

      6 votes
    21. Alone

      There's no more sound, not anymore. Just the thudding of my own heart, deafening in the silence. Erratic, the bassline pounds out, slowing. Stopping. Just like everything else. Behind the visor, I...

      There's no more sound, not anymore.

      Just the thudding of my own heart, deafening in the silence.

      Erratic, the bassline pounds out, slowing. Stopping.

      Just like everything else.

      Behind the visor, I raise my eyes, and see the warships, the victors.

      Alone in this dark space, as fragments of what had been my planet race past, I breathe my last.

      I close my eyes, conceding defeat.

      They had dropped out the sky, and killed and maimed.

      They destroyed our way of life, our beliefs, and all the knowledge we had in a day.

      Then the raped our planet, stealing her life and resources.

      Every crop failed, or was stolen.

      The water was siphoned up and into the sky.

      They drained our oceans, leaving nothing but rotting carcasses and a new desert.

      Our forests were pulped and taken away.

      The barren roads of our world were lined with the dead, dying and confused creatures. Some predators survived for a time, hunting... But then they took them as well.

      Everything was taken, leaving nothing but sand and us.

      I was sent, a final desperate weapon, against our enemies...

      Sabateur.

      Desperate plans rarely work.

      Instead, I found myself suspended in the vaccuum of the world... As the world was ripped apart for her final resources.

      They harvested, as I lay in this lonely space, my air running out, unable to do anything.

      There was no one left to save.

      Tears fell from my closed eyes, as I waited for the last moment.


      I know the story is a bit cliche, but it came when I was exploring Elegy for a Dead World, looking to get my creative side going a bit.

      I find tiny stories like this helpful to set a mood, or get out of one, especially when my writing is blocked.

      I'm hoping to see some inspired short stories, so you guys can serve as my selfish want of inspiration, or some critique of how terribly I've used this meme.

      8 votes
    22. Out Here

      Space. Mankind’s last great mystery. Our modern day ‘Wild West’. What a privilege to be born during this golden age of space exploration, to have the chance to strike out and see a universe so...

      Space. Mankind’s last great mystery. Our modern day ‘Wild West’. What a privilege to be born during this golden age of space exploration, to have the chance to strike out and see a universe so full of absolutely nothing.

      There is nothing out here, there’s a reason it’s often referred to as a void. Okay, yes, the more astute members of you will point out space isn’t truly empty, planets and nebulas, and even us, the humans and our crafts. But for the sake of the scale upon which we view it, its empty.

      Just look at me, stuck out here, stranded, in dark space. For those of you still catching up on your terminology, that’s what we call the space in between galaxies. Yes, those galaxies, the big ones that contain untold numbers of stars. No, I don’t know how I got out here. If I did, I would have done something to reverse it.

      All I can tell you is that I’m out here with a busted ship that only has enough power for life support and basic functions. Ugh, I bet you the caravan has already made it to Port Dalle, and Swiv’s drinking that blasted sludge he wouldn’t shut up about. They’re probably raising a ruckus at the bar, starting brawls and revelries alike.

      And here I am, alone. Well, I have Ping. That’s what I call that eternal pinging. If you listen closely, you can hear it, every few seconds ever so faintly. Ping, ping. I can’t tell if the universe has given me company or is taunting me. My headache leans towards taunting.

      Ping.

      I tried turning it off, I really did. But I can’t figure out where it’s coming from. It’s almost as if the entire ship resonates with the noise. It’s not a big ship, kinda, cozy. I think that’s the word. I have to duck down to pass through the doors. The bed’s a few inches too short. But I make do, plenty of room in the storage closet if I push the tools to the side. Well, I might have jettisoned them. But, hear me out! It’s not like I’d be able to use them anyway.

      ‘What are you doing on that blasted ship if you can’t fix it?’ You may ask. Well, I’ll tell you. It wasn’t supposed to break. I was only supposed to be here to press the on and off buttons.

      Ping.

      They just didn’t include any for that blasted noise. Maybe it’s coming from behind this service panel here, it seems to be louder in the bridge, if you could call this glassed in closet a bridge.

      Bang. Ow.

      Note to self: pulling on random panels is a bad idea.

      Ping.

      Yeah yeah, keep on pinging, you stupid pinging, thing, a-lator.

      Ping.

      That was not a request for you to ping more frequently!

      Ping.

      ...

      What did I do to deserve this? All I ever did was try to lead a semi-normal life. As normal a life being some intergalactic space trucker, shipper, can be. I payed taxes, obeyed the law mostly, didn’t cheat. I mean, I’m not a bad person. I didn’t do anything wrong! Or did I?

      I mean, there are several possibilities. Maybe one of the times a delivery was late it costed someone more then a few extra minutes of paperwork. Maybe I inadvertently stood in the wrong spot, ruining some poor tourists prized photo. Maybe I-

      Ping.

      Maybe I’m dead, and this is my eternal torture.

      Maybe, just maybe, there isn’t such a thing as fate or karma or metaphysical legacies. Maybe, this is just some freak thing that occurred because I was in the wrong place at the wrong time? How’s that sound? Must be hard imagining not having someone to blame for all the things that go wrong, huh? Well, I’ve been stuck here for who knows how long. No one’s coming. And there’s nothing wrong with the ship except some inexplicable power loss.

      Ping.

      Maybe whatever’s making that noise is the cause?

      Ping.

      Pong.

      How do you like dem apples, huh?... Well, I guess you like them. Seeing as you haven’t immediately thrown them back at me. Maybe this’ll keep me entertained for awhile, huh?

      Out here, you take whatever you can get to pass the time. There is literally nothing.

      I even look out at nothing. I mean, sure, I see some of the Milky Way nearby, as well as light clusters that are the other galaxies. But I’m so far off the beaten path that the ship’s computers don’t even register any gravitational pull, and they’re tuned for the center of the Milky Way to set a universal constant for direction. Uh, simple speak, the big thing at the center of our galaxy? That’s down.

      There’s some velocity. So the ship will drift for millions of years, preserved in the inky cold of this wonderful frontier, until it get’s close enough to, something, so it's pulled in and crashes or burns. What? It’s not like anyone will find it anytime soon.

      I suppose you can’t really see the futility of existence yet. Me? My days are numbered, and I’ve already run out of gum.

      Ping.

      Pong.

      Where was I? Right, existence. It’s a funny thing really. Out here, with nothing to do or see, you start to question if anything was really real. Everything turns into this far off dream, the distant past of another person. Here and now, its just you, and the void. Well, that, and the flimsy metal contraption keeping you safe from said void, but even that’s debatable.

      Isolation was the worst punishment we were able to come up with for criminals, after all.

      Eh. I’m waiting my time. You don’t want to hear a condemned man ramble on, or maybe you do, you sicko, you. You want stories, you want to hear the high flying adventures of traveling this wasteland. Tales of explorations and intrigue. Maybe even a little romance mixed in.

      There really aren’t any. Space is, well, space. Big, and-

      Ping.

      -empty, and boring. As for the people, well, the Captain Buck and his intrepid crew all work for the military. The only civilians that do this are either, criminals, insane, or desperate. And any combination of those.

      So there it is. The reality of this grand fantasy you’ve always held in your head-

      Ping.

      -laid bare at your very feet. Not very palatable, huh? Makes me think of that paste you get fed out here. Chemically infused with all the calories and nutrients you need to live. Tastes like they blended cardboard and water into sludge and called it food.

      That’s not even the worst example. There was this one time... one time that...

      Ping.

      Ah, thank you Ping. There was this one time a station had a rodent infestation. Nasty stuff. You know what they did with the buggers? (Not the Editor, Editor’s Note: Not actual bugs.) Used them for meat! You had rodent steaks, and ground rodent. Didn’t stay at that station for long.

      Oh, look. A red light is blinking. Must be time to party.

      Ping.

      Ping agrees it’s time to party. Where’d I put the people to party with? Oh yeah. They’re all back in inhabited space. C’est la vie.

      Vie la c’est? Why are you asking me?

      You know? I’ve done all the talking up until now. I think it’s your turn to tell me a little abut yourselves.

      Yeah?

      Really?

      No.

      Ping.

      Ping doesn’t believe it either. He’s even making this slight hissing noise. Just like a cat. Maybe Ping’s a cat that goes ping? Or a ping that cats?

      Having trouble understanding that one? Do what I do. Don’t.

      Stuff doesn’t have to make sense. I mean, does it make sense for some random guy to be stuck literally nowhere? No, it doesn’t. He should be back home wondering what dinner will consist of. Well, truthfully, I’d probably be stuck with the nutrient paste still.

      Ping.

      I agree Ping, that paste is a travesty and insult to the human palate. At least include something that gives it some flavor. Maybe lemon juice? And some water, and sugar. You know what? Take the nutrient paste out all together and give us lemon, water, and sugar. We had a name for that back home.... I can’t seem to...

      Ping.

      Oh, right! Lemonade. Life’s gift you didn’t ask for. Well, would you look at that? There some ice dust outside. Almost like some rock had a gas bubble inside and it leaked. There you have it folks, the lemonade for today; ice dust!

      You know, I’m getting kinda sleepy and light headed. I have been up for quite some time now. Why? Well, you and Ping are such good listeners, I couldn’t just walk away. No, it was my responsibility to entertain at the expense of my own health. I hope I did a good job, I don’t like to disappoint people. Only peaches disappoint, you expect them to be all flavorful, and they tase like the fruit has been soaking in water.

      Well, guess this is it for now. Nature calls, and I don’t think I’ll be awake for much longer without really going off my rocker.

      Ping.

      Yeah, good night Ping.

      Ping.

      ...

      Ping.

      7 votes
    23. crollo.

      nowadays i dont really feel alive just blending day to day fuck around to pass the time sitting on my hands, eating snacks watching tv. waiting for a change pray an angel comes to lift me maybe...

      nowadays i dont
      really feel alive
      just blending day to day
      fuck around to pass the time
      sitting on my hands, eating
      snacks watching tv.
      waiting for a change
      pray an angel comes to lift me
      maybe this is penance
      yeah, the cost of all the sinning
      all pointing to the night
      when you did some heavy drinking.
      bottle to your lips
      knife at the wrist
      her essence in your head
      you can't recall her voice
      but you recant the promises

      chant them like a cultist
      while you watch the silver dance
      and your press to the beat
      of your alcoholic pants
      sweat fills your hair
      haze fills the mind
      love, pain, and anger
      made your soul unwind
      now it lays there,
      exposed to open air
      only to be trampled on
      by those who should be there
      in a spot of rage you
      threw the knife into the floor
      rose from your chair and
      opened up the closet door
      only to write in red upon the white
      "STOP ME" in bold, what foresight

      you whip your head around
      try to shake the thoughts out
      you can't recall her face,
      now an obscure grey cloud
      that radiates depression
      makes you feel alone
      spent years with a person
      they can't once pick up the phone
      spent years with a person
      yet you can't recall her voice
      we said we loved us to death
      i'm finding truth in that choice
      you've suffered spring and summer
      now you're heading for the fall
      you look about your broken mind
      god-damn it all
      you thought you'd built a home
      you were in it for the haul
      appalled it's all dissolved
      your heart it calls for more resolve
      you miss her love, your home, your dog
      you drove your car into a wall.

      .

      .

      .

      .

      bones fractured top to bottom
      are the mind manifest
      codeine sponsored dreams of
      laying your head on her chest
      instead you feel a tightness on your neck
      and this ringing in your head
      you've got a neck brace, your mom's here,
      you're in a hospital bed.
      what's your name, and your birthday,
      perfect sir, where are you at?
      another nurse coming through
      to make sure my mind is still intact
      rib cracked, pelvic fracture, hooked
      up to an iv and a piss-bag
      you wore a seat belt and dont know
      if that's something to thank god for
      or be pissed at
      isn't this the kind of story
      that you wanted after all?
      just to be so down and broken
      hope someone saved you from the fall
      have someone to hold you, stroke your hair
      and tell you you can beat it all
      needing that, having a lack thereof
      you drove your car into a wall.

      10 votes
    24. I finally finished a novel

      I've finally finished writing something. It's been about four years since I actually finished something nicely. I'm entering the editing phase, which generally takes longer... But I'm a bit...

      I've finally finished writing something. It's been about four years since I actually finished something nicely.

      I'm entering the editing phase, which generally takes longer... But I'm a bit excited.

      Hopefully this is an acceptable thing to talk about, and I'm going about things the right way.

      So... To spin off into discussion, here's two things:

      A part of the story:

      The ground rose up and struck Raul in the face.

      He blinked, stumbling backwards, seeing his master standing nearby.

      The old man was glaring, his hands clutched around a brightly coloured stone.

      Raul opened his mouth to question, but the old man was whisked away to a distance hillside, and the boy found himself tumbling head over heals backwards down a hillside.

      He scrambled onto his knees, staring as he found himself on the shore of the lighthouse.

      His master placed a solid hand on his shoulder, and muttered gibberish.

      Raul glanced up, but found himself staring at the light of the lighthouse.

      Spinning.

      A bright light, round and round.

      Lightning struck him, and Raul screamed, stumbling backwards.

      The rod lay in front of him.

      He tore his gaze away with effort, and saw his master, hands outstretched, the stone of red, gold and silver floating between them.

      Almost as astonishing, the stone was clean.

      A hammer hit him between the eyes.

      Raul found himself stumbling behind his father, watching as the old man struck stone, separated it, revealing the river of solid copper within it.

      "Boy!"

      I'm hoping I've got the grammar at least semi-right. My illness means I can forget words, or my brain can replace words at random with others that it thinks are related.

      Any guidance or critique is welcome. (I'd give a bigger quote... But this is probably more than enough to discuss.)

      The build script I'm using:

      #!/bin/sh
      
      set -e
      
      if [ -z "$1" ]; then
        echo 'Please provide an output file name.' >&2
        exit 1
      fi
      
      tmp=$(mktemp)
      
      echo 'Building...'
      
      cat title.txt > "$tmp"
      echo '' >> "$tmp"
      cat LICENSE.md >> "$tmp"
      echo '' >> "$tmp"
      cat Prologue.md >> "$tmp"
      
      for file in 0*.md; do
        echo '' >> "$tmp"
        cat "$file" >> "$tmp"
      done
      
      for file in 1*.md; do
        echo '' >> "$tmp"
        cat "$file" >> "$tmp"
      done
      
      echo 'Converting...'
      
      pandoc --toc "$tmp" -o "$1" 2>/dev/null
      
      rm "$tmp"
      
      echo 'Done'
      

      title.txt is basically just YAML markup for pandoc. The other files should be fairly obvious.

      I'm silencing pandoc's output, because I make use of a self-reference to add comments to the Markdown, that get killed by the parser and never make it to the output:

      [//]: # (This is a Markdown comment. Isn't that cool?)

      However, as all the references point to themselves, pandoc warns.

      I'm using pandoc this time around, because it produces fairly clean files. I've used GitBook and Calibre in the past, and though the ebooks they produce work and look okay, the amount of crazy markup they produce means the books lag on some ereaders.

      However, that does make a lot of back and forth. Building, checking output, rebuilding, etc.

      20 votes
    25. Orkenfall

      This is just a fun little part of a story I put together a little while ago. Might go somewhere later, but probably not. The symbols looking like: [^1] are footnote links. (Pandoc's format, a kind...

      This is just a fun little part of a story I put together a little while ago. Might go somewhere later, but probably not.

      The symbols looking like: [^1] are footnote links. (Pandoc's format, a kind of extended Markdown).

      Edit: It may be easy to read as rendered html


      A leaf was slowly falling towards their face.

      It was golden, three-tongued, and burning with fire.

      Last one wasn't hyperbole.

      Unfortunately.

      It was all sort of their fault.

      But then, everything always was.

      That's why everyone called them Slag.

      The trees hadn't always been on fire, but they had been on fire before.

      That had been their fault too.

      Being the smallest Ork in a tiny Orkin village, reporting to a tiny Orkin warlord who somehow believed he had the brass balls of a god, Slag wasn't exactly well cared for.

      Their name was their job. They were an Ork, after all.

      The blacksmith beat the metal, made the weapons. Tossed the slag in a pile.

      Molten metal twisted and smouldered, and Slag would grab it by the handful, and toss it into a cauldron of water, and when that was full, kick it down the hill into the dumpsite.

      When the dumpsite was full, Slag would summon the demon, who would demand some strange price, then vanish with the lot.

      The demon's prices weren't helping their standing with the rest of the tribe.

      Like today.

      Slag craned their neck, looking up at the red fiery, and rather horned creature, "Say again?"

      The deep earth-rumbling voice laughed, "I want you to sing! Sing like a girl! Like a tiny little human girl!"

      Slag winced, "I am a girl, demon." [^1]

      The creature blinked in surprise, "You? Little squelchling?"

      Slag shrugged, "I'm a girl. I don't got tits... I ain't pretty. But I am."

      The demon winced, "Figure out which god cursed you little girl... After you sing."

      Singing? An Ork?

      Orkcakes.

      The demon would go, and she'd be blamed there was no room in the dump, and then the Orklord would be in her face. Again.

      Then threaten to marry her to his son. Again.

      She blanched.

      The demon laughed, "Last chance, little orkling."

      She coughed nervously, and then a squeaking voice emerged, singing a quiet rhyme she'd overheard one day.

      Something about stars and diamonds. Humans were weird. [^2]

      Unfortunately, her voice was less like a starlet, and more like diamonds scraping across sandglass.

      The demon shreiked and disappeared back into their realm.

      Without the slag.

      She winced, glancing towards the village, "Orkcakes."


      A hand like iron clasped her head, "Slag."

      She smiled weakly up at her father, and at his one eyes staring out from a bushy grey beard. [^3]

      The warrior released her and spoke gruffly, "Was that you singing, again?" [^4]

      She blushed, looking down in shame, "The demon's price."

      The old man groaned and reached for a whip on the wall, "Please tell me he took the slag."

      "I don't lie, father." She answered. [^5]

      He winced and glared at the doorway, unravelling the whip, preparing to hit the next person who came in. "Go to you room, Slag."

      "It's my honour." She crossed her arms, pretending not to notice that her chest didn't show any bigger, "I want to defend it."

      "Now, Slag." He growled through his tusks.

      She turned and moped away into her bedroom.

      She couldn't fight, all she could do was listen to the glorious blood-curling screams as the emissaries dies. [^6]

      Slag picked some metal from beneath her fingernails and flung it into the wall, pinning a fly by one wing. [^7]

      It wasn't fair.

      She wanted a real fight.

      Why did boys get all the fun?

      The guts and the murder?

      All she got was... Slag.

      An axe blade broke through her wall briefly, before being pulled back quickly, followed by a strangled sound.

      She rolled her eyes and flopped onto her straw bed, staring at the ceiling tiredly.

      Humans made life look so simple.

      Find a man, get pregnant, take care of the litter until you died.

      Just cooking, singing and cleaning.

      She licked the edge of her tusk, yawning. This was going to be another, she must get married because she's useless argument with the Orklord. Which would inevitable lead to my son is too stupid, fat and ugly to possibly get married, and then... Ew.

      She didn't want the bastard.

      He certainly wanted her though, all drooling and slurping.

      She wanted to be a Knight. [^8]

      That was it. All of it. Her only dream.

      A glorious warrior, protecting the weak, hunting the monsters that pray on people in the dark. [^9]

      Her sword would have a name, and glow with power when evil was near. [^10]

      She would yell out it's name, and light up the dark.

      Then she'd kill the bad guy, cut off his head, and ride home with it, and stake it to her wall. [^11]


      [^1]: Really? Wow. Never would have guessed... But orks are always hard to apply gender to.

      [^2]: Understatement. What other species looks around themselves in wonder and decides blowing stuff up is the best way to get something out of the ground?

      [^3]: Stories on exactly how he lost his eye vary. Most involve a dragon, a bet, and a gallon ale. And perhaps a wet, old sock.

      [^4]: Oh gods. She'd tried to sing before? Had birds died?

      [^5]: Not strictly true. She did lie, but only about unimportant stuff. Like what she wanted for dinner. Or what job she wished she had. Or who she wanted to marry. Nothing big.

      [^6]: It's an Orkin thing. Send some messenger to die when your upset with your opponent, and then turn up when their bloodlust was sated. Good way to not die.

      [^7]: She was a practiced hand at this now. Sociopath, or bored teenager? Let the public decide! Blast her in this week's Orks magazine!

      [^8]: ... Should someone tell her human knights usually hunt down orks?

      [^9]: So... Hungry orks. Seriously. Someone should tell her.

      [^10]: So, it would always be lit up. Because you're on Ork, girl.

      [^11]: Oh geeze. Are you the hero, or the villain, Slag?

      4 votes
    26. pillo.

      alright so much to my dismay, no, not currently day drunk (though a mimosa does not sound half bad right now!) so in place of my standard late-night drunk poetry, have some...

      alright so much to my dismay, no, not currently day drunk (though a mimosa does not sound half bad right now!)

      so in place of my standard late-night drunk poetry, have some mid-morning-havent-slept-in-36-hours-poetry.

      cheers

      bishop


      remember wanting what i got now
      didn't think it'd be a let down
      guess back then i wasnt thinking sound
      deadly quiet with you not around

      got me so down im
      making lots of pillows
      taking heavy shots and smoking
      off a lot of rillos
      now my mind is gone, am i okay
      i cannot think so
      falling down from heaven hitting
      every branch like plinko

      like you're yoko ono and
      i'm every single beatle.
      warring with myself and every
      general's in fetal
      got my world all fucked but
      i lay here with no libido
      sorry if i fucked it up, i
      swear i did not mean to

      but at least i saw a palm tree
      caught a little of the ocean breeze
      heavy sand where you buried me
      for the forest couldn't hear the screams.

      got me so down im
      making lots of pillows
      taking heavy shots and smoking
      off a lot of rillos
      think my mind is gone, am i okay
      i cannot think so
      falling down from heaven hitting
      every branch like plinko

      no quiero recordar nada
      que ella ha dicho
      Como el tiempo cuando
      ella me ha prometido
      que nosotros siempre
      quedaríamos amigos
      He querido solo estar
      perfecto contigo.

      loved our movie, but you said
      you didn't want a sequel
      got my head up in the clouds
      now i cannot see through
      if you were perfection,
      how can i trust other people
      to take my hand and guide me
      past all of the shit we been through

      (beat.)

      got me so down im
      making lots of pillows
      taking heavy shots and smoking
      off a lot of rillos
      think my mind is gone, am i okay
      i cannot think so
      falling down from heaven hitting
      every branch like plinko

      5 votes
    27. Old Poems from a Summer

      Dans la vie intérieure, le temps tient lieu d'espace. (In the inner life, time takes the place of space.) Simone Weil, La Pesanteur et la Grâce (Gravity and Grace) Inside [the black hole's event...

      Dans la vie intérieure, le temps tient lieu d'espace.
      (In the inner life, time takes the place of space.)
      Simone Weil, La Pesanteur et la Grâce (Gravity and Grace)

      Inside [the black hole's event horizon]… [what used to be a spatial
      coordinate] is the time. … The singularity… is not a place in space; it
      is a moment in time.
      James B. Hartle, Gravity: An Introduction to Einstein's General Relativity


      In my old poems I saw
      the sentimental one
      scenting sighs,    seeing scars
      everywhere, twisting them
      into words, arranging words
      so they fit in a grid,
      regular,    repeating.

      Preoccupied, she wanted the answer
      to the only question: What had made her
      like this? An effect that sought the cause and
      nothing else. Her city caught in a verdant
      early summer day, light abounded; she
      felt time had been running out silently.

      How much has really changed ever since?

      I now have an answer, and more.
      She made me; cause, effect. Questions!
      How will I be? What will I be?
      What am I?

      I am a tiny bit of what she wasn't:
      the all-embracing space and time beyond
      her self, her fear of being forgotten,
      solitude unwitnessed, and pain futile.

      I am not just her descendant either.
      Holding her precious gift of exposed self,
      I too am exposed to what I am not,
      asking how much has changed, what I'm changing.


      This is a new one I wrote today.

      Edit: replaced one "the" with "an".

      6 votes
    28. crema.

      ive had this idea in the back of my head for awhile, roll with me. sad parties. so much emphasis on things being perfect, people being perfect, work being perfect, life being perfect. so many...

      ive had this idea in the back of my head for awhile, roll with me.

      sad parties.

      so much emphasis on things being perfect, people being perfect, work being perfect, life being perfect. so many people caught up in social media subconsciously at battle to live a filter-perfect lifestyle.

      sad parties.

      a bunch of people youre close to get together at a comfortable apartment, good food, lots of drinks, lots of drugs. everyones free to indulge as they wish. all the lights go off except for a fireplace or some low-impact nightlights by an easel, and theres just a stream of sad music in the background. no words spoken unless you directly enter a conversation with someone. no forced interaction. just lots of pillows, blankets, and vibes.

      really want one of these. might make it a regular thing once i head out west.

      anyways, back to the reason we're all here. more sad drunk poetry<3

      thank you for all those who leave the comments. i honestly wouldnt keep posting if it werent for you all giving me that little nudge of support. it means a lot.

      much love.

      bishop.


      metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
      take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
      leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
      dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
      metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
      must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
      poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
      just another sad white kid, rest in peace Peep.

      maybe some lives werent meant for the living
      maybe some dreams were meant to go missing
      kinda miss the way you would scream like a banshee
      kinda miss the way you would threaten to leave me
      wanna go back to the days when you need me
      always liked how youd cut me deep, and then heal me
      if it makes you smile when i cry, then abuse me.
      really wouldnt mind if you came back to use me,

      cant feel good enough on the nicotine therapy
      oxygen coming through airily, barely
      slaps on my face were a heavenly remedy
      soft pink lace was a beautiful heresy.
      pain, drugs, suicidal tendencies, obscurity
      wanna fade to black, tell God roll the credit scene
      another funeral in the wake of our legacy
      metal must be the best flavor of ice cream

      (beat.)

      metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
      take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
      leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
      dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
      metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
      must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
      poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
      knocking back four different drugs just to get sleep

      metal is the only thing i feel around me
      liquor by the half cup never stops pouring
      you held me down, now i feel like im falling
      up to the sky, sunshine in the mourning.

      4 votes
    29. Rose (a poem)

      With my left hand I embrace and repel. With my right hand I create and destroy. I stand before you, both hands free. We remember past hopes and joy. Listen to this moment, presence of silence....

      With my left hand I embrace and repel.
      With my right hand I create and destroy.
      I stand before you, both hands free.
      We remember past hopes and joy.

      Listen to this moment, presence of silence.
      Nothing divides and nothing draws us close.
      Attention is all we exchange,
      Attention in the shape of rose.

      I longed for witness. Before whom? No one.
      Is my heart pure? No. But she insisted.
      We give; and what are we but gifts?
      Gifts we forgot we'd accepted.

      To doubt is to attempt holding back time,
      Lifting time's illusion by illusion.
      I may trust, knowing that I trust.
      At times we feel with precision.

      We part our ways like rose petals in wind.
      We will return when time again is still,
      For no more delight but to see,
      With no more longing to fulfil.

      12 votes