In mythology the phoenix is an immortal bird that, when it's time, burns to death. In some versions of the myth, it's intentional. Sometimes things happen to it and it's forced to begin the cycle anew.

I admire the phoenix so much. After all, immortality is just another way of expressing the will to endure.

But sometimes I also wonder. I wonder if the phoenix, in the moments of burning, regrets it's choice, secretly hoping to prolong it's current pace because it's happy where it is. I wonder if, the moments before it's forced to start the cycle, it looks back at it's choices that lead up to it, and wishes it chose differently. I wonder if it regrets it didn't do more in that life. I wonder if it looks forwards to it's new life.

When it's done burning, I wonder if it can look back at it's old life. Would it look and wish that it burned again, hoping to get back it's old life? Is it able to carry it's old memories and grow and be a better phoenix? Would it hope that some of it's old life comes with it? Does it look at it's next burning with dread, or hope?

I don't know where to put this, was thinking in ~creative or ~health.mental or ~misc. I've been pretty out of it and super depressed still, but this is just some of the things I've been thinking about.
I wrote a bit about where I've been here