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What advice or wisdom would you give to someone 10 years younger than you?
It can be specific or broad, and it can be aimed at a particular type of person based on your experiences (e.g. people in my city, people with fibromyalgia, etc.) or just people at large.
Also, given that age is a very identifying piece of information, feel free to give a range if you're not comfortable sharing your exact age (e.g. "I'm in my 40s" rather than "I'm 42").
- What advice or wisdom would you give to someone 10 years younger than you?
- What would you have wanted to know 10 years ago that someone older could have shared with you?
- If you'd heard the kind of advice you're giving, would you have listened to it 10 years ago?
Eat out less on your lunch breaks. It saves lots of money to make something at home and bring it to work.
Avoid freemium games that you can see the paywall from at the very beginning. You're essentially playing a psychological experiment that pits your fun threshold against your wallet. Remember that time seems to "speed up" as you get older; if you are spending a lot of the game watching timers and bars filling up, maybe ask if the fun you're having is worth it.
Planned obsolescence is a legit thing that exists. You do not always need to have the newest version of whatever thing you're about to get, especially if older models are still going strong.
Understand your insurance, and be ready in the event that you need it. If you drive a lot, have a checklist in the car of things to do after an accident. Just consider having preparations in place for if shit ever hits the fan; you will thank yourself in those moments for having taken care of most of the work.
If someone takes offense to something you say, and you don't think of yourself as a mean person, consider why that person took offense, and don't just dismiss it as them being too sensitive (although there's always the possibility that they were).
This is worth emphasizing. I was unprepared for how much my perceptions of time have changed since I was younger. I remember when I was a kid and single afternoons seemed endless. Now entire years pass by faster than I want them to.
I had older relatives who would really drive this concept home when I was younger to the point that I developed anxiety about it. In an effort to mitigate it, I read a book called A Geography of Time, which was the author's journey through the world's populace and their perceptions of time.
The take-home was that your perception of time feels faster the older you get because your mind throws moments away that it might've experienced before. IIRC memory kind of works like a survival tool that's always on the outlook for new information on account it's new information that might impact your life moreso than routine bits (the idea being if they were a threat, they wouldn't be routine). So if you're living a relatively routine life, time can absolutely feel like it's speeding up the older you get. The trick the author suggested was to form new memories as best you can, to reflect on the ones you have at the end of each day, and to consider getting a journal to help you keep your records.
Since "forming new memories" sounds like it's a bit expensive, I essentially turn that into the old "Variety is the spice of life" and just try new things whenever I can, even if it's just a different menu item at a place I regularly go to. I also just try and explore any new interests whenever possible, be it learning something new, or just diving into another TV show/comic/world of lore.
To build on that, I'd say meditation has helped me a lot, as well as forming an observational sense of humor. My brain has become a constant Seinfeld wherein I'm just cracking pretty dumb jokes about every little thing I see around me that leaves itself open to humor. It really helps me live in the moment, and can be an entertaining exercise to boot (much to my wife's chagrin I'm sure). Aside from that, I just continue to try and refute the idea that time is speeding up: anytime I catch myself saying "Boy that week went by fast!" I kinda keep myself in check with a "Wait, no it didn't! Let's re-cap on everything you did!"
Thanks for this. I'm university age, and mortified by the thought that I might have perceived half of my life already, and would like to do my best to ensure that this does not transpire to be the case!
Yeah man. As a kid, summers truly felt endless at times. Recently I was thinking, "Man I haven't made it outside to play any tennis yet this summer. Well, at least it's still the beginning of the season." Nope. I immediately realized it's nearly August already. Going back to school to become a teacher is sounding pretty good compared to the job I'm working now.
A dash cam wouldn't hurt either. I got one about 4 years ago.
Mind sharing what model you have? I've been thinking of getting one for quite some time, but I'm cheap, and I don't really know what features or qualities I should be looking for in a good dash cam.
It is a Black Box G1W-H, but I think they've discontinued that model. I'm not really in love with it, I just have no reason to buy a new one when it serves its purpose alright.
Ah, I gotcha. Thanks!
This is great advice. The shock after an accident causes people to make bad decisions. Have a plan and follow it.
I'm in my mid-30s now and, surprisingly, I think I made every right move I could possibly have made since my mid-20s. Unfortunately, that's because I slacked hard enough in my mid teens that I felt like the only option I had left myself was to join the Navy, and that was a big enough wakeup call that I got my shit together and buckled down and actually tried when I got out.
So the advice I'd give, that's got things going really well for me, it's to look at the activities you're doing and ask yourself if they are productive or not productive?
Is what you're doing right now moving you towards something you want to do in the future, or is it not?
Are you building skills that will help you in the future, or are you wasting time?
I spent a lot of time leveling up in Battlefield 2142, Battlefield 4, spent a lot of time in Team Fortress 2, spent a lot of time mining for diamonds in Minecraft. A good clanmate friend of mine developed a serious gambling problem when Valve came out with crates, and that was kind of what snapped me out of it. So you have a digital hat? So what? So you've got a digital chest full of digital diamonds? So what?
What does any of that actually get you? I tried to move from virtual games to hobbies. Robotics, programming, modeling, 3d printing. You know what you can call those hobbies? A portfolio. That's something you can show a professor and get into graduate school with. That's something you can show an employer so you don't start out at an entry-level position.
It's possible to have fun while doing hobbies, and it's possible to learn skills while you're doing what feels like wasting time.
The important thing is whether or not the skills that you're developing are something that anyone is going to care about. Can you talk about flying a helicopter sideways so both door gunners can strafe the flag while you dodge missiles, or can you talk about what your can-dispensing robot project taught you about actuator selection and the importance of atan2 instead of atan for path planning?
They're both fun, they're both challenging, and one of them gets you a shitload of internet points and one of them gets you a shitload of money (life points).
Personally, I don't think that's a healthy association to make (money==success). I agree with your overall advice, think about how you spend your free time carefully. Your hobbies can absolutely help you further your career, but IMO a hobby is primarily to offer the freedom to explore things that are explicitly not part of your day job. A good mix is healthy.
I didn't say success exactly, I said life points in that it's something that can make your life better. Money won't necessarily make your life good, but it can make it better and can certainly make things easier.
Anyways, I think that rambling post I wrote can be better expressed as: look carefully at the things you're spending your time doing and ask yourself at the end of it what you have to show for your time.
Probably not helping things is this existential crisis I've been in since an extremely close family member of mine died years ago. What is the point? What are we humans to do?
And the thing screaming in my head all day, every day: what am I doing that will make things better for my children and everyone else in the next generation? Am I contributing or am I wasting time?
My initial reaction, given your comment about being in the Navy, I thought this would be a rather impressive skill compared to actuator selection...
No, video games lol
In my 40s... never quit sports/start NOW. Getting back into shape is so fucking hard now compared to my 30s (or 20s, lol), and it's more important than ever.
Be more active and eat less is the exact same advice that I would give.
It's so hard to get back into shape, and I'm so far out of shape. It's ridiculous.
Maintenance is the name of the game. Just like any piece of equipment, your body needs regular maintenance as well.
Now more than ever is when you might want to look into someone planning your workouts for you. It's really easy to try and get back into it and push the envelope far too hard and too fast and end up with an injury or burning out. Age is still on your side as compared to someone older than you, but a 20yo body can take a much sharper increase in volume each week than most 30 or 40yos.
I appreciate this, I'm 31 and decided a little while ago that it's time to get in the shape I want to be in for the rest of my life. Your comment will be motivation for me!
Switching to Diet Coke is a pretty good start!
Regular cocaine just has too many calories
Getting into rec basketball (with no prior experience) has been one of the more challenging, but enjoyable experiences for me. Highly recommend sports without many equipment requirements—unless said equipment-dependent sport is widely played in your area.
Unless you're ultrawealthy the GOP is not fighting for you. For the love of christ stop voting for them.
Ultrawealthy is key here. Lots of people think they're nearly one-percent-ers, when in reality, most of the US is lucky if they're upper middle-class.
Do not underestimate what type of substances you put in your body. Alcohol alone is poison to your system. Sure a beer every now and then is fine but be very aware of how much you are drinking and such. If you have a family history of addiction it is a very slippery slope, because that shit will come back to haunt you.
Be mindful.
I wish I could give this advice to one of my friends in highschool and have him listen.
He got heavily into the drug scene, eventually dropped out of college because he suffered a psychotic break, and doesn't really have any ambitions now. It's heartbreaking to me.
Life is not a race. It doesn't matter in the end if you save $10 a month or $1000. It doesn't matter in the end whether you get your degree in 3 years or 10. It doesn't matter if you start a family in your 20s or 40s (or never). It doesn't matter if you retire in your 50s or 70s (or never). What does matter is that you enjoy the journey, for you may never reach your destination.
In the sense that “the end” means death, you’re right.
But All that time before you die, it really does matter. It makes a difference in when (or if) you can retire and stop working to do what you love. Having a decent cushion in the bank (even if it’s only $1,000) makes a huge difference in your life. You don’t have to worry about some small unexpected expense ruining your life or keeping you from being able to pay for rent. To me, worrying all the time about a small expense ruining my financial well being is enough to keep me from being happy and thus ruin the “journey”.
So I’d give the opposite advice. Start saving while you’re young. It doesn’t matter if it’s $10 per week or $1,000.
30s advice to 20s:
Plan to retire at 65 or 70. If you start making more money and don't see any reason to spend it and think about pushing that forward to 60 or 55 or earlier don't. There's about a decade of my life where my career kept going forward but I didn't get to live. I could have been hit by a car or diagnosed with cancer or died (or be dying) for any other number of reasons by now and my regret is that I haven't truly explored the world like many of my friends and coworkers have. I'm making up for lost time, but there's really no knowing what life will bring your way so keep a balance between what you're doing for the future and what you're doing for the now.
Live alone for at least 6 months to start to figure out who the hell you actually are. I haven't been alone (and sans partner) until very recently and it's brought forth a lot of questions about my identity - questions that didn't arise earlier for a variety of reasons. I'm not saying you should separate from your partner to have this experience, but I found my ex provided a lot of comfort and identity that made it easy to ignore questions I should have been asking myself about who I really am and who I want to be. It's also easy to avoid thinking about yourself if you have other people to interact with and keep your mind off itself.
Would you be comfortable providing a little more detail? It's okay if you would rather not, I'm just not quite understanding what you mean here. I've lived alone for about a year now, and that's the longest I've ever lived alone. Lately I've been thinking maybe that's a problem, and I should have a roommate or two just for the forced social interaction. But I sure love playing guitar as loud as I want, or watching TV in the middle of the night.
I'm not sure if you're familiar with the concept of a "social chameleon" but the general idea is that people put on different "masks" when they interact with people. I think the most obvious example of this is any retail worker or any worker who directly interacts with a customer - the kind of person they are in these interactions is a different kind of person than they might naturally be. At the very least, they're probably swearing less, smiling more, and trying to help out the customer more than they might if they owned the company or had free reign to interact however they wanted to.
Take that concept and dial it up to an 11 for me. There's a lot of reasons to ignore the Meyers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) personality test, but I've received every possible combination of the 16 configurations. I struggle with personality tests in general, because nearly every personality question has me immediately thinking of reasons why I might act one way or the either and it's very easy for me to construct entirely reasonable and feasible situations in which I would react extremely in either direction. For example, a question such as "you find it difficult to introduce yourself to other people" has me immediately thinking of situations in which I have readily introduced myself to others as well as situations in which I did not care to introduce myself to other people and it's entirely dependent upon the setting, my goals, what role I'm playing (professional, personal, support, etc.), if I'm alone or there with others, etc.
Having spent about a decade with my ex, I've also found that the support you get from a constant companion shapes who you are and what you enjoy. There are activities I participated in because my ex participated in them that I thought I enjoyed a little, that I'm finding myself not interested in doing at all. My exes emotional support, as well, helped me to avoid asking myself uncomfortable questions about my identity and in some cases entirely suppressed aspects of my personality. For example, I've always had issues with my body (diagnosed with body dysmorphic disorder some time ago). During the time I spent with my ex, this was significantly reduced, but I also reached a point at my own physical fitness where my dysmorphia didn't cause me enough distress to probably be classified as BDD anymore. Since my ex no longer lives with me, I've found it's represented itself in ways it has not in a long time, and has had me questioning the very nature and root cause of it. I'm asking myself questions about my body that I haven't asked myself since I was a child.
I also found that my personality adapted quite a bit to suit the needs of my ex. Over time I adapted my behavior - not just how interacted with them, but how I dressed, the friends I kept, the kind of support I reached out for and many other aspects of my personality and presentation. With my ex now gone, I'm finding myself free to act in ways that I know would have caused my ex some distress and exploring them to understand what is truly "right" for me - A lot of these activities and objects are things that I felt were easy to give up for my partner because I didn't find them particularly important or necessary to express myself.
Wow, thanks for sharing! I'm surprised how much I identified with this. Not so much the stuff about your ex, moreso about personality tests and dysmorphia. I'm happy you're finding activities you enjoy! I know that is something that's been weighing on me, and I need to get out and try more things.
As a 25yo, I'd tell any 15yo like I was back then: go to that fucking therapist. If I am drunk enough, I could even beat and drag them there until the therapist</hyperbole>.
I am really happy with who I am today, but it's been a long process. Back then, a few sessions of therapies alone would've dramatically changed the course of my teens. My teenage depression has taken so much away from me that is irrecoverable, and even tho I've moved on, I can't blame myself for feeling sad and nostalgic for those lost times every now and then.
I'm 50. If you're 40:
And you think it is too late to go to school (or anything else you think you missed your chance at because you're too old), don't think that, and enroll in school or do whatever you think you're too old to do.
And you think it's selfish to want things for yourself, don't think that because it's okay to want things for yourself. It's also okay to get things for yourself. Corollary: It can be okay not to share.
And you find yourself with a limited / nonexistent friend circle, reach out to people you would like to be friends with.
And there are things you would like to do, but you don't have anyone to do them with, do them by yourself. This was super hard for me. It has been weird because once I just started doing things by myself, people started asking to go with me! Corollary: Things you thought you would only enjoy doing with other, you may enjoy doing by yourself.
More general:
If you're anxious about the way - your clothes look - your hair looks - your boobs looks - spend the next month noticing all the clothes, all the hair, or all the boobs. I realized that I only seemed to focus on only the "perfectly" put together people or only notice the "perfect" thing about someone. When I started, for example, looking at all the boobs, I found they aren't all sitting up there "perfectly" perky, "perfectly" separated, and "perfectly" presented,. Actually most of them aren't. Sames goes with hair. I have thin, frizzy hair, but for some reason I only noticed thick, glossy hair. When I started looking at all the hair, I couldn't believe how many people were walking around "imperfect" hair.
I'm young, in my 20s, so I get to give some simple advice:
Spend as much time as you need to in your own head. Be introspective.
...but, don't think you'll find salvation in your head. You know that advice you've probably heard about needing to be secure in your own mind before you can be good to someone else, or before you can appreciate the love of others? That's bullshit. Healing and happiness is collaborative.
Don't compromise your morals when it comes to who you befriend. I don't just mean "don't do dumb shit from peer pressure," I mean that you'll be a lot happier if you genuinely believe in the goodness of the people around you.
Don't compromise your morals and peace of mind in general. If doing something makes you feel like shit, stop it. Pissing yourself off and dealing with the internal conflict born from all of that is not worth it.
Don't get in your own head about being "productive". Your goals are your own, no matter how worthless they are to anyone else. Following passion is infinitely more important than the product of that passion.
That said, if you don't find yourself with a passion, that's okay. You might have to force them into existence. Set your goal as "know more and make stuff". I had a friend who memorized football and movie facts while making shitty fake scripts, posters, and home movies. He was absolutely fixated on those, and through that he created a big trail of things he can be proud of or look back on and laugh about. The quality doesn't matter and the outcome doesn't matter, what matters is that he learned more and he made stuff. That motherfucker knew how to live. Copy that and do it with anything you care about. If you just have an interest, make it a passion by involving yourself. Make it your goal to know everything about it or make something related to it. It doesn't matter what it is.
If that person was me rather than just someone:
Come out earlier, dumbass. You're going to get put through hell without the people who care about you even knowing about it.
Watch Gurren Lagann.
Finish things.
Would I have listened? I dunno, maybe some of it if it came from someone I really respected. I think there's a limit to wisdom that can be passed from one person to the next directly. If we could pass what we've learned on and it would actually get through, we'd have life figured out by now. People have to be tricked into thinking they came up with stuff on their own. That, or finding it through art, or god, or something of that kind. Straight-up advice does not feel anywhere near as personally applicable as discovery that way does.
I'm tempted to answer, because it would be pretty funny (to me), but only if you promise not to laugh, or worse.
I can't speak for anyone else, but as long as it's appropriate you've got my word.
Okay then:
I wish it were more substantial, but preoccupation with more serious stuff comes in meagre amounts at that age.
The way you set it up I thought you were planning to tell an off-color joke or something. That was my misread. I didn't realize that hestitation was because you were young!
Don't feel like you need to be ashamed of your age, or that the experiences of children are less than those of adults! Reading is an essential life skill and is quite a challenge for many, so your advice to get started early is both valid and important. Thank you for sharing, and know that your ideas and experiences are welcome here.
Thanks, that's very kind of you to say. I was born somewhere remote, but had unrestricted access to my parents' library, which was pretty extensive; and I found that books really can form you, show how things are elsewhere, substitute for companionship even. That's why I think reading early is a very useful skill to have. Again, thanks for the welcoming words.
That's excellent advice!
You are not old enough that you can't change any and everything about your life. There's so much time left, if the current situation sucks, go chase something else. And keep yourself in shape (it gets harder to get back in shape the older you get, plus endorphins) and play the sports you love until your body tells you to stop, but not before.
The same thing (although I did keep in shape and am still playing my sports).
Probably, but I'm not sure. I do hope I'm more receptive to advice now than I was 10 years ago, and I hope I'll be even more so in 10 years.
Start a damn retirement account and regularly fund it.
Don't be lazy. But don't get hung up on "productivity."
Read more. Challenging stuff, though. Not fluff fiction, but stuff with depth.
3b. Enjoy fluff fiction every once in a while
Practice whatever it is you want to be better at more often.
Move your damn body.
5b. but also, relax.
Don't be afraid to just be who you are and be real, which is definitely harder done than said, but it is only through this that one can know who they are and find the people that truly care about them.
Secondly, get involved more! And develop your interests now instead of waiting for some idyllic future to come do it for you. That future will never come.
My advice would be pretty universal, I think - start a business, mind your own.
Running my own business sounds difficult and burdensome to me, especially the risk and stress of getting it started. I don't see much upside compared to my current stable and comfortable employment situation. What am I missing?
Having formerly co-owned a small business myself... you're missing out on stress and overwork and penury.
They say running a business makes you free, but that's a lie. You're a slave to the business. You can never do anything that isn't for the business. The business becomes your life. As the saying goes, you'll be living to work, rather than working to live.
And you're not guaranteed to earn an income while you're working (especially not in the early days). Much of your early earnings will have to be reinvested in the business to help it grow. You'll need an independent source of income to support you until the business can support you.
You won't be free until the business gets large enough for you to employ someone to take over some of the managerial work (not just a kitchenhand or a clerk or a codemonkey). But that can take years.
I'm a representative for a small local company working on commission, and this is exactly how I feel. I really need to find a full salaried job. This work is killing me, and the pay is pretty low anyway.
I think that's quite fair; it's very dependent on your situation, goals, and personality.
A direct link between the value you create and the value you receive
A share in the successes of the company as a whole
The realistic prospect of a passive income in the longer term
Of course, you're also missing the stress, the significant possibility of utter failure, and the opportunity cost from not taking a full market salary in the early days.
For me, the stress and risks are more than worth it to have left the "boss makes a dollar, I make a dime" world - but I wouldn't blame anyone for thinking it through and coming to the opposite conclusion.
“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.” - Teddy Roosevelt
@Greg summed it up pretty well, but I think there are also major intangible benefits that aren't easy to really quantify the full significance of. If you think of anyone who's had any type of self-made success (and by self-made, I don't mean got a small loan of a million dollars), they all share a few traits - tenacity, integrity, understanding the value of money, empathy, willingness to help others, ability to sacrifice, etc. The world sorely needs more people like that, fully invested in their communities; it would go a long way to solving a lot of the problems we're facing. Much of the general apathy we seem to take for granted nowadays, particularly in the US, stems from the fact that you have no real power and no real stake in the outcome as an employee. One of the best ways I can think to combat that and develop the right mindset is through starting your own enterprise.