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    1. Parents: have your kids been affected by age-inappropriate content?

      I was having a conversation with one of my coworkers who mentioned that her child showed a fascination with scary, Halloween-type stuff starting around age 6. She and her husband had a hard time...

      I was having a conversation with one of my coworkers who mentioned that her child showed a fascination with scary, Halloween-type stuff starting around age 6. She and her husband had a hard time with whether they should let him enjoy it or limit it. They weren't sure whether to let him read scary books or watch spooky stuff on YouTube, particularly because it's the type of content that can very easily be age-inappropriate--especially for a 6 year old. Nevertheless, it was relatively easy for them to keep it to stuff like Jack-o-Lanterns and black cats since he was so young.

      The boy is now older but has retained his interest, and the parents are still struggling with decisions about allowable content, especially because he is starting to age into books and movies that deal with much darker stuff, particularly ideas about death/violence.

      I'm not a parent, but I am a teacher, and I have to admit that I'm uncomfortable with some of the stuff my students are exposed to. Over the years I've heard students as young as twelve discuss horror movies like the Saw series or The Human Centipede. I've had middle school students bring books like Gone Girl and 50 Shades of Gray to class. On one hand, I think kids are resilient, and I think a lot of the more difficult or disturbing stuff doesn't quite land for them because they don't really have a context into which to put it yet. I also believe that fictional media is a mostly safe way for us to explore troubling or disturbing ideas.

      On the other hand, I think the internet has caused our children to grow up a lot faster than they used to, as they are exposed to mature content (whether intentionally or accidentally) from a very early age. When I was growing up the worst I could do was check out a slightly-risqué book from the school library and hope my parents never found it in my backpack. Now kids are watching violent (often real-world) and pornographic content starting as young as elementary school. Nothing can make your heart sink quite like sixth graders talking excitedly over lunch about a video of a real person getting crushed to death.

      What I genuinely don't know is if this has any negative developmental effect. Am I just clutching my pearls here? I'd love to hear some parents talk about how they've handled the decision of what's right for their kids and whether they've had fallout from their kids consuming content that's not appropriate for them.

      26 votes
    2. How to deal with a friend gone cynical?

      I have a friend at the office, who is very dear to me. I don't have many friends, and I've known this person for over five years. But recently they've become increasingly cynical and sometimes...

      I have a friend at the office, who is very dear to me. I don't have many friends, and I've known this person for over five years. But recently they've become increasingly cynical and sometimes outright toxic. Saying things like "our job doesn't matter", "nobody cares", and "you should stop trying to improve things". The company we work for had incompetent managers for the last couple of years, who were ignoring issues and basically making it up as they go. The management was basically purged, and now there are a lot of new people. So I guess it is my friend's way to cope with the situation. But it feels unhealthy, because recently they started lashing out on people, including new people who have done nothing wrong yet.

      I am honestly kind of afraid to bring this issue up to them, because (a) I am afraid to lose them and (b) they will probably respond with something along the lines of "you don't know what I've been through", or "eff off", or plain old silence. I feel like they are hurting, but I don't know how to help.

      What should I do? Should I do anything at all?

      10 votes
    3. Motivation through consumption

      Hi all, I've been trying to transition to an anti-consumption and zero-waste life for a year or two now. Just a disclaimer that I'm using "anti-consumption" and "zero-waste" really loosely here....

      Hi all,

      I've been trying to transition to an anti-consumption and zero-waste life for a year or two now. Just a disclaimer that I'm using "anti-consumption" and "zero-waste" really loosely here. The changes I've made so far are all pretty small, but I'll like to think, consistent and sustainable (at least for me).

      Today, I wanted to specifically talk about my hobbies. I play video games, board games, read, write, paint, and do a variety of crafts (jewelry making, crocheting, sewing, card making and more). As you can imagine, my hobbies have been a very consumption and plastic waste heavy part of my life. I had games I never got to or played only once, shelves of books I never read, paint supplies I never opened, boxes of crafting material I never used and more.

      My hobbies were also a very easy part to let go off. I had very limited hours in a day, so acknowledging there was no reason to buy anything in advance was already a huge change. Now, I never get anything I'm not immediately using (even if it's on sale or the last one). I also try to only buy second hand, which is really impossible when you need a specific paint colour or something, so I usually end up just making do or doing without. I also stopped watching YouTube tutorial or product comparison videos because I found they all felt like advertising. (I do still watch YT when I'm looking for something specific, like how to fix a X, just no longer browsed).

      ...until last night. I don't know why, but I started watching a bunch of watercolouring technique videos. Little history, I went from watercolouring pretty much every day and then sort of just stopped around March this year. Life got busy and I just didn't find the time.

      And I couldn't help my notice that consuming these videos, and wandering around art supply shops and buying new paint was a huge motivation for me to paint. I wanted to try new techniques or new products. Browsing let me daydream about what I could do, what I could make. Buying something new gave me a certain excitement to be creative, to get to work.

      So now I'm thinking maybe I need to adjust my balance a bit and give myself a treat a bit more than I have. Though the idea of basically buying motivation doesn't sit all that well with me...

      So, I'm done babbling, anyone else feel this way? Any tips?

      11 votes
    4. How do you prevent burnout?

      Heyo guys, Long story short, I'm a college student in his final semester right now. I've gone through many different phases of my college life between not being sure of my future, wanting to take...

      Heyo guys,

      Long story short, I'm a college student in his final semester right now. I've gone through many different phases of my college life between not being sure of my future, wanting to take advantage of my last point in life of youth, trying to grow up and learn to be a competent adult at home, trying to grow up and learn to be a competent adult in the workforce, and everything else in between. Right now, I'm coming off of a summer where I took 9 credits and managed to get As in all three classes while also feeling very accomplished that I felt I've taken many valuable skills and lessons away from those classes.

      At the moment, I am taking 18 credits for this Fall semester, sitting at six classes and I'm finally happy that I'm able to be taking a lot of productive and worthwhile classes in my major. I love all of my classes and professors so far and I'm very eager to learn and continue developing myself to be the person I want to be. However, my concern is the heavy burnout that I feel is imminent within a few weeks to a month, as I'm already beginning to feel it come on within the last two weeks.

      How do I deal with this or prevent it? How do you personally handle situations where you uphold a lot of responsibility to yourself and you want to keep in top form? Personal stories, experiences, advice, and all of the above are welcome.

      24 votes
    5. What do you appreciate about your partner(s)?

      In all of the recent talk about incels, gender differentials in home tasks, and domestic violence, there's been little discussion about what makes a good relationship - sexual, psychological,...

      In all of the recent talk about incels, gender differentials in home tasks, and domestic violence, there's been little discussion about what makes a good relationship - sexual, psychological, experiential or other compatibilities. There's a great deal of "Psychology Today" material on what makes for successful relationships, but it seems facile and the product of research on young WEIRD participants.

      So, dear Tilders, if you have or have had a partner(s) you've been genuinely happy and satisfied with, and felt like your relationship was healthy, please discuss what made you so...

      24 votes
    6. How to allow another person to sink their claws into your heart?

      I've gone through heart break a lot and I just recently met someone that I really like. We haven't even been hanging out for 2 weeks and we both really feel strongly about each other already....

      I've gone through heart break a lot and I just recently met someone that I really like. We haven't even been hanging out for 2 weeks and we both really feel strongly about each other already. Honestly it's pretty scary becoming this vulnerable to another person. My last gf I didn't feel this way with like when it was over I was like meh but this gf is like... I don't know if I want it to end. Not for now at least.

      Sorry I'm just sorta typing my thoughts out etc etc if anyone has any input feel free to comment.

      I'll be moving out of state in Nov so the longest it will probably last is until then because I'm not sure if I want to do long distance. Like, I just had a buddy come home to a gf that was sleeping with another dude IN THIER HOUSE soooo I just don't want anything like that to happen to me but I also know when it comes to leave I might not be willing to break it off. Plus, I think she already wants to last longer than November but she hasn't explicitly said so.

      Idk life and stuff and bullshit and yea... anyone out there feel me?

      9 votes