I recently went through some old boxes and found my collection of mementos - birthday cards, love letters, ticket stubs, etc. - from years gone by. I'm not convinced marriage will ever be for me, but I've always imagined if I were to get to that point, I'd want to show such a collection to my SO as a way for them to fully understand my story, so to speak. On the one hand, I think of it as a pretty powerful expression of trust in your partner... but I realize the potential for that to massively backfire by introducing jealousy and insecurities. At the same time, I'm very strongly of the belief that what is shared within a relationship is not to be shared with others outside it without mutual consent. I hate gossip, and have had my share of conflict throughout the years over desiring more privacy and discretion in my various SO's conversations with their friends and family about us. That means I would probably choose to leave aside certain things out of respect for my exes, but then I'm not sure if that devalues the gesture.

Any thoughts?

I'm sitting here, not being able to sleep and watching every single John Mayer music video ever made, finding myself a little stuck.

I've got good friends, I've got a free environment to do whatever I want to do, and I've got enough stuff around me to keep me alive. Somehow, this isn't what I hoped for.

Ever since I was a kid, I always dreamed of this moment. I'm on my own. I've got my axe, and I'm ready for battle, but, I can't swing this thing, man. I don't have enough motivation, something I've been struggling with since I was born. I'm a chronic procrastinator, even when it's about something I actually want to. I want to sit down, write music, and make people smile. I want to do all these things, but I can't find enough willpower to do it. Maybe it's just my current emotional state holding me back. I miss the connection I used to have with someone that put me at my absolute peak in life.

It's so unbelievably unfair to me that someone that seemed to help me so much and bring me up can just walk out on me like that with no explanation. She made me a better person when she was around, and a worse person when she's not. I don't understand why I still think about it every single day. I guess this is more of a rant / self help post, but I do pose one question:

How do I get rid of the constant thought of someone? She's connected to everything I do in life and I really gotta fucking stop. Is there something I'm missing when it comes to getting over someone? Do I chase her? I've tried before, but it ended worse the second time around.

Anyone have similar experiences? I'm sure there are some sad wrecks out there tonight. Come and share your story about the best person you've ever met that you'll never meet again.