Heads up folks, this deals with sexual assault. If you haven't heard of the Cornell sexual assault case in the news, a woman has filed a civil suit against her 7 alleged assaulters, all part of a...
Heads up folks, this deals with sexual assault.
If you haven't heard of the Cornell sexual assault case in the news, a woman has filed a civil suit against her 7 alleged assaulters, all part of a fraternity at Cornell, where at a fraternity house they didn't just rape her, they offered her out in the house group chat. The university Title IX investigation allegedly ended with 2 expulsions and 5 essays/apologies. The criminal case was dropped but has recently been reopened.
There is a lot of not just anger but rage in women's spaces as this story has come out. At the seven students, at the university, at the DA... But also at every single other man in that group chat. Not one objected in the chat to an offer of "free pussy". Not one called the police. Not one physically intervened. Maybe one was a witness to an investigation, but there's no sign of anything and I'm not inclined to make positive assumptions.
People tend to think of it as a dichotomy of good vs bad men, and therefore "not all men" is separating out the vast majority of good men from these few bad actors. 15% of the group chat raped her, allegedly, but the other 85% said nothing. Comment sections already include accusations of her lying out of regret, calling her names, etc. This is where the rage comes from. There are no self-proclaimed protectors to be found. There is only silence, doubt, and mockery.
This is genuinely what I expect to happen. I am not shocked by this, even as I'm so very angry about what happened to her, and every Title IX sexual assault situation I deal with every day; this is normal. This is what "rape culture" means.
I hesitated to even post this topic but I think it's important, and I hope that for folks who are not in spaces with women shouting "You say not all men but not one of you spoke up? Not a single man?!" in their frustration, anger, grief, and their own trauma, it will inspire empathy and understanding. This is a horrific thing in isolation. But it's not isolated. And it's something we have to address as a society, especially in the face of increased calls for the revocation of women's rights.
ETA: New Cornell Statement clarified that there were expulsions and suspensions, but no "just an essay" outcomes. I suspect Jane Doe did not get notified of the sanctions imposed and only had word of mouth for her lawsuit, and it sounds like she had to/chose to push for a full hearing (the respondents may have) where she had to face her accusers, though questioning should have happened through intermediaries.... I've been the intermediary assisting a complainant and it can still be very intimidating, even virtually. Credit to her still.
Indeed. When I was an undergrad at Cornell (~2016), I had a friend who was in a fraternity. I knew him through Cayuga's Watchers, a non-profit that trained undergrads on how to be...
This is not a dark chapter in Cornell’s history, it’s a morbid pattern
Indeed.
But also at every single other man in that group chat. Not one objected in the chat to an offer of "free pussy". Not one called the police. Not one physically intervened. Maybe one was a witness to an investigation, but there's no sign of anything at all.
When I was an undergrad at Cornell (~2016), I had a friend who was in a fraternity. I knew him through Cayuga's Watchers, a non-profit that trained undergrads on how to be non-confrontational, active bystanders around dangerous/risky drinking behaviors.
At the end of a frat party, one of the older fraternity members was carrying a nearly unconscious woman upstairs with him. My friend gently interrupted him, suggested that they find the woman's friends, and found someone to take her back to her dorm and keep an eye on her. She ended up being fine.
My friend, on the other hand, was punched in the face in front of his entire fraternity for interrupting the other member's opportunity to "get laid." Not one single member of his fraternity, all of whom knew exactly what had happened, did a thing about it.
Greek life at Cornell is an absolute plague. It reinforces the most hideous and violent tendencies of college-age men (and women, for that matter — the hazing that happened at the "top tier" Cornell sororities was horrifying). The administration knows this, just like they know that their insistence on banning freshmen from attending official Greek life events during their first semester drives all of the social events into unmonitored, unregulated parties in college town, which leads to more hospitalizations. But those happen off campus, so they don't affect the university statistics, so they don't care.
I appreciate your friend, and wish he'd gotten justice for that punch. And I appreciate the work you did. We have student orgs, see student employees, professional staff, all trying to make things...
I appreciate your friend, and wish he'd gotten justice for that punch. And I appreciate the work you did. We have student orgs, see student employees, professional staff, all trying to make things safer. But we cannot be everywhere and we can't stop everything.
We could create a world where every other dude there would also have stood up, and would never have let your friend get hit.
Ultimately, while I met a lot of good people at Cornell (especially by my senior year, when I found my way into some of the activist circles that I wish I had found much earlier), I left the...
Ultimately, while I met a lot of good people at Cornell (especially by my senior year, when I found my way into some of the activist circles that I wish I had found much earlier), I left the school feeling an immense bitterness and anger toward its administration. I ran Cayuga's Watchers for a year, and during that time I interacted with the administration regularly. They were inexcusibly passive on issues regarding student safety, and they would not hear a single argument about actually reigning in Greek Life.
I actually think that a Cornell that is safe for its students, especially for its undergraduate women, cannot coexist with its Greek Life system. Simply declaring fraternities against the rules would not actually fix the ingrained social problems that the student life has organized itself around, but it should be seen as a prerequisite component of any plan that wants to meaningfully address student safety.
Absolutely horrifying. I avoided joining a frat because of stories like this, but I can't help but wonder if I, too, would've stayed silent at that age. I should look up bystander training for...
Absolutely horrifying. I avoided joining a frat because of stories like this, but I can't help but wonder if I, too, would've stayed silent at that age. I should look up bystander training for these situations.
I don't want all the blame to go to fraternities. I have plenty of issues with Greek life, but this is not something where my expectations were low because it was a frat. The fraternity just made...
I don't want all the blame to go to fraternities. I have plenty of issues with Greek life, but this is not something where my expectations were low because it was a frat. The fraternity just made the group chat larger and in this case provided a physical location but this is pervasive.
I was friends with a lot of frat guys who were not like that, but I've met some of the shitty racist/sexist ones. Like any other friend group it really sounds like who's around you, frats just...
I was friends with a lot of frat guys who were not like that, but I've met some of the shitty racist/sexist ones. Like any other friend group it really sounds like who's around you, frats just have a weird power dynamic.
Also surprising because I've met so many smart Cornell alumni and students, including feminists and LGBTQ activists.
Do we know for a fact that none of them reported anything? Apparently the chat was reported using screenshots and I'm not sure how those would have been acquired without anyone speaking up in some...
Do we know for a fact that none of them reported anything? Apparently the chat was reported using screenshots and I'm not sure how those would have been acquired without anyone speaking up in some way. Not that it excuses anything. What I'm curious about is if this was a (semi-)regular occurrence in this chat and this is the only occurrence we know about.
I went right to this, it is very hard to find reporting on what Cornell did in this investigation even when NY state is criticizing this. I posted earlier about the girl at the University of...
I went right to this, it is very hard to find reporting on what Cornell did in this investigation even when NY state is criticizing this. I posted earlier about the girl at the University of Florida dealing with a similar situation, so it triggered me to look for the details on that and I hope the reality comes to light. It really sounds like the investigation was poor.
Also, with the "not all men" I like to imagine that a lot of my friends would pull someone out or send a girl home with her friends when she is intoxicated like that, but it unfortunately seems like culture is shifting further and further downward. I'll do my part and reinforce this with the younger men in my life, but it seems a lot of men aren't doing that with their boys. We need outside accountability, but it seems law enforcement isn't upholding their end either.
And by no means to detract, but merely to add: This is also roughly what is meant by only being able to be a racist or an anti-racist. It's not enough to simply not be one of the perpetrators of...
And by no means to detract, but merely to add:
This is also roughly what is meant by only being able to be a racist or an anti-racist. It's not enough to simply not be one of the perpetrators of overt racism. Just by ignoring the existing passive (and systemic) racism you are perpetuating and/or benefiting from it.
This is the same reason all cops are bastards. When faced with the choice of outing a corrupt cop or keeping theit mouths shut, almost all choose silence (at best) in solidarity.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
There is the well-documented bystander effect, where in a crisis like a car accident most people will be dumbfounded and do nothing assuming someone else will do something. One of the first bits of CPR and First Aid training is to instruct you to take charge of a situation, to assign a specific person (not "someone") to call 911, another as an aide, and then to administer aid.
We need to respond to all of these cultural ills with that level of assertive straightforwardness, or people will fall back on the bystander effect figuring someone else will do it.
Heads up folks, this deals with sexual assault.
If you haven't heard of the Cornell sexual assault case in the news, a woman has filed a civil suit against her 7 alleged assaulters, all part of a fraternity at Cornell, where at a fraternity house they didn't just rape her, they offered her out in the house group chat. The university Title IX investigation allegedly ended with 2 expulsions and 5 essays/apologies. The criminal case was dropped but has recently been reopened.
There is a lot of not just anger but rage in women's spaces as this story has come out. At the seven students, at the university, at the DA... But also at every single other man in that group chat. Not one objected in the chat to an offer of "free pussy". Not one called the police. Not one physically intervened. Maybe one was a witness to an investigation, but there's no sign of anything and I'm not inclined to make positive assumptions.
People tend to think of it as a dichotomy of good vs bad men, and therefore "not all men" is separating out the vast majority of good men from these few bad actors. 15% of the group chat raped her, allegedly, but the other 85% said nothing. Comment sections already include accusations of her lying out of regret, calling her names, etc. This is where the rage comes from. There are no self-proclaimed protectors to be found. There is only silence, doubt, and mockery.
This is genuinely what I expect to happen. I am not shocked by this, even as I'm so very angry about what happened to her, and every Title IX sexual assault situation I deal with every day; this is normal. This is what "rape culture" means.
I hesitated to even post this topic but I think it's important, and I hope that for folks who are not in spaces with women shouting "You say not all men but not one of you spoke up? Not a single man?!" in their frustration, anger, grief, and their own trauma, it will inspire empathy and understanding. This is a horrific thing in isolation. But it's not isolated. And it's something we have to address as a society, especially in the face of increased calls for the revocation of women's rights.
ETA: New Cornell Statement clarified that there were expulsions and suspensions, but no "just an essay" outcomes. I suspect Jane Doe did not get notified of the sanctions imposed and only had word of mouth for her lawsuit, and it sounds like she had to/chose to push for a full hearing (the respondents may have) where she had to face her accusers, though questioning should have happened through intermediaries.... I've been the intermediary assisting a complainant and it can still be very intimidating, even virtually. Credit to her still.
Indeed.
When I was an undergrad at Cornell (~2016), I had a friend who was in a fraternity. I knew him through Cayuga's Watchers, a non-profit that trained undergrads on how to be non-confrontational, active bystanders around dangerous/risky drinking behaviors.
At the end of a frat party, one of the older fraternity members was carrying a nearly unconscious woman upstairs with him. My friend gently interrupted him, suggested that they find the woman's friends, and found someone to take her back to her dorm and keep an eye on her. She ended up being fine.
My friend, on the other hand, was punched in the face in front of his entire fraternity for interrupting the other member's opportunity to "get laid." Not one single member of his fraternity, all of whom knew exactly what had happened, did a thing about it.
Greek life at Cornell is an absolute plague. It reinforces the most hideous and violent tendencies of college-age men (and women, for that matter — the hazing that happened at the "top tier" Cornell sororities was horrifying). The administration knows this, just like they know that their insistence on banning freshmen from attending official Greek life events during their first semester drives all of the social events into unmonitored, unregulated parties in college town, which leads to more hospitalizations. But those happen off campus, so they don't affect the university statistics, so they don't care.
I appreciate your friend, and wish he'd gotten justice for that punch. And I appreciate the work you did. We have student orgs, see student employees, professional staff, all trying to make things safer. But we cannot be everywhere and we can't stop everything.
We could create a world where every other dude there would also have stood up, and would never have let your friend get hit.
Ultimately, while I met a lot of good people at Cornell (especially by my senior year, when I found my way into some of the activist circles that I wish I had found much earlier), I left the school feeling an immense bitterness and anger toward its administration. I ran Cayuga's Watchers for a year, and during that time I interacted with the administration regularly. They were inexcusibly passive on issues regarding student safety, and they would not hear a single argument about actually reigning in Greek Life.
I actually think that a Cornell that is safe for its students, especially for its undergraduate women, cannot coexist with its Greek Life system. Simply declaring fraternities against the rules would not actually fix the ingrained social problems that the student life has organized itself around, but it should be seen as a prerequisite component of any plan that wants to meaningfully address student safety.
Good on your friend, I hope he knows that. It takes a lot of strength and courage to do that.
Absolutely horrifying. I avoided joining a frat because of stories like this, but I can't help but wonder if I, too, would've stayed silent at that age. I should look up bystander training for these situations.
I don't want all the blame to go to fraternities. I have plenty of issues with Greek life, but this is not something where my expectations were low because it was a frat. The fraternity just made the group chat larger and in this case provided a physical location but this is pervasive.
Defnitely agree, this behavior is not in any way unique to Greek life
I was friends with a lot of frat guys who were not like that, but I've met some of the shitty racist/sexist ones. Like any other friend group it really sounds like who's around you, frats just have a weird power dynamic.
Also surprising because I've met so many smart Cornell alumni and students, including feminists and LGBTQ activists.
Do we know for a fact that none of them reported anything? Apparently the chat was reported using screenshots and I'm not sure how those would have been acquired without anyone speaking up in some way. Not that it excuses anything. What I'm curious about is if this was a (semi-)regular occurrence in this chat and this is the only occurrence we know about.
I went right to this, it is very hard to find reporting on what Cornell did in this investigation even when NY state is criticizing this. I posted earlier about the girl at the University of Florida dealing with a similar situation, so it triggered me to look for the details on that and I hope the reality comes to light. It really sounds like the investigation was poor.
Also, with the "not all men" I like to imagine that a lot of my friends would pull someone out or send a girl home with her friends when she is intoxicated like that, but it unfortunately seems like culture is shifting further and further downward. I'll do my part and reinforce this with the younger men in my life, but it seems a lot of men aren't doing that with their boys. We need outside accountability, but it seems law enforcement isn't upholding their end either.
And by no means to detract, but merely to add:
This is also roughly what is meant by only being able to be a racist or an anti-racist. It's not enough to simply not be one of the perpetrators of overt racism. Just by ignoring the existing passive (and systemic) racism you are perpetuating and/or benefiting from it.
This is the same reason all cops are bastards. When faced with the choice of outing a corrupt cop or keeping theit mouths shut, almost all choose silence (at best) in solidarity.
If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.
There is the well-documented bystander effect, where in a crisis like a car accident most people will be dumbfounded and do nothing assuming someone else will do something. One of the first bits of CPR and First Aid training is to instruct you to take charge of a situation, to assign a specific person (not "someone") to call 911, another as an aide, and then to administer aid.
We need to respond to all of these cultural ills with that level of assertive straightforwardness, or people will fall back on the bystander effect figuring someone else will do it.