Recently, I went to a meetup for a blog I follow. I was expecting and (in part) hoping for it to be really strange. Similarly to this post "Developers Aren't Nerds", I think a part of me held the expectation that I really would become an adult who sat around with other people who read something intellectually stimulating and joyfully kind of debated it amongst ourselves. Sort of like being on Tildes or any good forum. And being around these people and the environment was fun-- it was mostly casual, but when it wasn't, I felt challenged and like I was talking about things I cared about. And above all, unlike being online, it still felt human-- there wasn't that weird anxiety of saying something and getting piled on.

I'm blessed to have a pretty good life, which includes (now) a fairly diverse and broad social life I worked to grow. I believe there is emotional support too (though I have a smaller circle for that). But it feels like we spend more time talking about (their) travel, music festivals, clubbing, whatever. And I know part of the issue is that I don't "get" it (I am an introvert, I like small groups), or I did enough of those experiences and feel sated for the time. But man, would I like to be a little weird and just randomly talk about the random shit my head puts together after reading. (Today, it was global fertility rate projections, sperm counts, IVF. Other times it was blockchain and other architectures I was learning about. Overall, things that are difficult to bring up randomly.)

Do people have that outlet offline? Where did you find it?

This is a thought I had, and I'm not saying it's necessarily true, or at least cynically true. But I think it brings to the fore an interesting point, and I want to emphasize how it feels like.

I feel like people are mostly interested in politics from a distant and uninvolved point of view. For example, in more progressive spaces, there's all this talk about fear of climate change, deteriorating international politics, rise of right wing authoritarianism, populism, nationalism, etc. However, I feel like people expect others to do something about it. There's this passivity and inaction, and no real effort to combat such changes. I feel like debates, talking, ruminating and such perform a theatrical function that makes you feel as if you've contributed to "doing good", but you actually don't do anything. This is what I mean by performative.

This is not to say talking is unimportant. It's a major component of politics, and it's a core value and function of democratic and egalitarian approaches. However, it feels to me like doomscrolling and dreading or being angry about political things is seen as being politically conscious and active, while political consciousness can't exist without action.

What are your thoughts about this? Have you had similar thoughts, or do you think differently? How do you emotionally handle this?