That is it. Just a personal post, a personal story, or a useless rant. You decide. Everyone knows men are bad at friendship. I know I am bad at friendship. There seems to be an invisible wall around each man. I had the hurtful experience of learning that some friendships are transactional. They last as long as both parties have something to gain from each other.

Many years ago, certainly more than a decade, I met this young fellow at a production van for a film we were both working on. He was a low-level production assistant; I was a script supervisor. He was an aspiring writer and learned that I was a screenwriter. I offered to teach him what I knew about screenwriting for free. I was a student myself, so it didn’t make sense for me to charge for lessons. He came to my house a few times, and I told him everything I knew. Loglines, storylines, outlines, structure, format. The works. It was awesome.

For many years he sent me his originals (usually short stories), which I reviewed diligently, as others had done for me in the past. One day, after reading one of his stories, I told him something along the lines of "You have surpassed me and I have nothing left to teach you. I will still read your stuff if you want, but now you will read my stuff as well because I want your advice." And I meant it.

Years passed, and we no longer read each other’s originals. I don’t know why; it just happened. He still visited me regularly, especially for lunches and dinners with my family (as Brazilians, the dividing line between family and friendships is either thin or nonexistent).

COVID happened, taking a slice of everyone’s personal history. I moved out of the family home, got married, had a kid. In the meantime, he sent me a message asking for help. He was depressed, paranoid, scared to leave the house. I visited him the next day and gave all the advice I had accumulated from being a psychiatric patient for the last 20 years or so.

After that I occasionally sent him messages asking how he was. Sometimes he answered. When my son was born, I sent him a picture and asked him to come visit. He responded but never came. I kept inviting him, making it clear that it was important for him to be a part of my life in that new phase. I invited him to the first birthday of my son. He answered with an emoji. He didn’t come. The last message I sent him was two weeks ago. Seen. No response.

He has an online presence, and I can see that he takes part in multiple social events related to his career as a writer. Book launches, lectures, online talks, academic events. Surrounded by people, calmly smiling and perfectly content. There are videos for a lot of that stuff.

Although the last time we talked he was emphatic that he was much better and able to work, it is conceivable that he is unwell. But it is hard to reconcile that with the fact that he seems quite capable of socializing with everyone except me.

Everyone, it seems, who is instrumental to his career. Which I no longer am.

That fucking hurts.

Is this just something men do? Is he scared of catching fatherhood from me like it's the flu? Is this an expression of his ideas of masculinity?

I'll never know because he doesn't answer, and if he did, he would never talk about that because men don't talk about anything that matter.

When I won my first grant as a screenwriter 18 years ago, I hired him as an assistant and we traveled together to a remote location where I thought I would be able to concentrate on my writing. He was supposed to help me and he did, even if a lot of what he did was just talk to me all day. That probably helped more than anything he could do in regard to the actual writing. And now I am asking myself, was that wonderful friendship-building experience just a paycheck for him?

I am ending this. I am ending this even if he does not realize. That is incredibly demeaning and I feel tired. Whatever the reason for him drifting apart, it is not for me to resolve. If someday he finds a reason to reach out, even if it is transactional in nature, I will be there for him. For now, I must say, it's goodbye, old friend.

I learned to play piano when I was pretty young and my parents wanted me to learn an instrument. Real acoustic piano, music theory, private tutor, recitals, the works. I stopped playing after high school and my lessons ended though, mainly since it felt like it was just another chore and I wasn't enjoying it or playing pieces of my own volition. It's been over a decade since then and most of my free time has been in video games instead. The piano's still there but it's been just another piece of furniture for the most part. I've never seriously considered dusting it off and trying it again, and I'm pretty sure I've forgotten everything I've learned at this point.

Recently though, I got the chance to play Taiko no Tatsujin in an arcade for the first time while in Japan and I enjoyed it a lot despite being a total amateur, and I wanted to go back and play more to get better. That's when a thought crossed my mind - if I could gamify piano playing too, wouldn't that be a good way to trick myself into learning and enjoying piano again?

So I did some digging into what gamified piano software was around now, and Piano Marvel seemed to be the one most suited for being both beginner friendly and also for sight reading. The software itself offers a fair bit of beginner content for free, with the more advanced stuff behind a subscription. You can also connect it to a digital piano to track key presses and score your performance, which is the important gamification part that sets it apart from me just pulling up some YouTube tutorials and trying to follow them.

So I did some digging into digital pianos to see what would work for me learning and budget wise. From what I could glean off of various subreddit and other forum posts, if the end goal is to learn piano and not keyboard, an 88-key with weighted keys is the only thing that comes close, which bumps the cost up to a minimum of about 400 USD for the cheapest decent one, a Yamaha P45. If I didn't have a piano that cost would be fine, but I do and it most definitely sounds better, I just can't connect it to software or plug headphones into it so I don't bother my family if I'm playing at night, and I kind of want both of those. I'm also slightly concerned that my parents might be a bit upset if I do get a keyboard since, again, there's a perfectly good acoustic piano right there that they definitely paid more than 400 bucks for, though I imagine they'd be happy to just see me take an interest in learning piano again.

The most important part of this is that I actually commit to it and play regularly, since it'll all be for nought if I lose interest or turn it into a chore again and stop playing after a few weeks or months. I don't know if a gamified piano software will actually do that for me or if I just don't actually like playing piano after all, but I would like some thoughts. Is there other good software for relearning piano in a fun way? Any keyboard recommendations, preferably not too expensive? Am I being a coward and should I just use my acoustic piano instead?

The other day, I happened to stumble on a YouTube video where the creator explored the problem of “discoverability” of video games on platforms like app stores, Steam, and Sony, Microsoft, and Nintendo’s shops. That’s something that has been bothering me for a long time about the Apple App Store.

By pure coincidence though, this morning, as I was browsing through the “You Might Also Like” section at the bottom of a game that I am interested in, I began to go down a rabbit hole where I ended up finding a good handful of games I had played on Steam that I wasn’t aware were available on iOS/iPadOS as well. It’s quite sad, because these are games that I really enjoyed, and I paid for them on Steam, a platform that Valve (understandingly) neglects on macOS, whereas I could have played them optimized for iOS/iPadOS.

The creator in the YouTube video didn’t really have a solution for this problem, and it seems to me that as the industry grows, and more and more “slop” begins to flood these platforms, it will only become harder and harder to discover the good indie games buried underneath it all.

I feel this intense urge inside me to start some kind of blog or website to provide short reviews so that at least some people will discover these games. We definitely need more human curation.

I’m also appalled that so many of these games on the Apple App Store have little to no ratings. No one makes an effort to leave behind a few words so that other people can get an idea of whether it’s worth to invest their money in a game.

I guess that there isn’t really anything that can be done about the issue of discoverability. As an indie developer and publisher, you just have to do the that best you can to market your game, and hope to redirect potential customers to your website or socials, where you should clearly list all the platforms that your game is available on (surprisingly, a lot of developers don’t do this). But that’s about all that you can do. The rest is luck.

I've been deep in learning how to rewire sections of my house, trying to understand the logic behind my older (1950s-era) electrical system. In the process, I came across a free game on Steam called Wired developed by the University of Cambridge's Engineering Department. It's a puzzle game that gradually introduces core concepts in circuitry and logical flow. It doesn't replace proper training, but it is an engaging supplement compared to reading electrical code books.

But anyways, I though I would ask about games that don't just entertain but also teach. Not strictly edutainment in the shallow sense, but games that impart understanding, intuition, or practical knowledge through their mechanics.

What are some games you've played that taught you something substantial? I'm thinking anything from real world skills, conceptual insights, functional knowledge, or anything that stuck with you after playing.

Hello Tildes!

I've been trying out a lot of open-source apps these past few months but I've always hosted them on a VPS. It's been great and educational so far. However, I started considering to host my very own server on-prem so that my data is absolutely physically with me and nowhere else.

With that short intro, I'd like to say I'm in the market for a home server. I can install OS's, docker containers, etc. And that's how I managed to install Jellyfin, Immich, Paperless, Portainer, etc on my VPS right now.

What out-of-the-box miniPC can be good for someone dipping their toes in the home server scene? I feel like I might need the storage to be extendable somehow? And it must be able to stream music and video through Jellyfin.

The choices in YouTube videos are overwhelming that I keep jumping from saying "ooh I'll get that" to "oh wait maybe I'll get that other one".

I also am not very handy in terms of hardware so I would prefer something out-of-the-box (if possible). Maybe a max budget of 500? But around 400 euros would be preferred. (Edit: In EU also, if possible)

Thanks for reading! Hope to hear from you guys!

It just so happens that I was asked to write a paper about goals I hadn't achieved and I just thought about how I haven't touched my video game engine project in any meaningful way for around two months or so. On reflection, the main thing that is preventing me from working on it is that when I try to get back into it, I don't really know what I'm doing. I'm unorganized and can't figure out what exactly to do next because it's so open-ended. I'm absolutely terrible about writing down plans for what I should do.

I know that I'm not the only person who is trying to work on big solo projects, so I thought I'd ask: what are you doing to keep your project organized? Are you using any tools to help you? What do you find is most helpful to help you anticipate steps you'll need to address when things aren't very clear?