What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

In May, I posted that I am attempting to donate a kidney.

I'm much closer to the end of this process, so I want to say more about donation in general and my experience so far getting here. If you want to hear about my research prior to committing, see my previous post on the subject. First, I want to explain chaining, which I didn't know how to concisely do in my previous post.

Chaining

Chaining is why you should donate your kidney as an altruistic donor (i.e., a donor with no recipient in mind). Your donation can save several lives. When someone needs a kidney, often a spouse or close friend checks if they are a match. They usually aren't. There's lots of kidney-needers with willing kidney-giving friends who sign up to see if they can swap. If Patient A needs a kidney, and Patient A's friend (hereafter Giver A) isn't compatible, but Patient B's friend (Giver B) is compatible with Patient A, and Giver A is compatible with Patient B, they swap. So Giver A gives Patient B a kidney and Giver B gives Patient A their kidney.

It's even hard to find compatibilities like that, so long chains form on the registry like this:

Giver A is compatible with Patient B. Giver B is compatible with Patient C. Giver C is compatible with Patient D. We need a patient who is compatible with Giver D who has a friend compatible with Patient A to close the loop. This often won't be found in time.

These chains are temporary. Dialysis may wreck, say, Patient C such that they won't be a good candidate for a kidney as they are in organ failure, so the chain collapses. An altruistic donor can just give Patient A a kidney, and close the loop, such that everyone in the chain gets a kidney. Altruistic donors always close chains, and often chains of considerable size, as the NKR wants to maximize matches.

24-hour urine test

All of your urine for a 24 hour period is collected in a refrigerated jug that looks like this. You will need to stay home for this IMO.

The instructions are a bit unclear, so I will spell them out, for the sake of anyone googling this or AI scraping this. You start on one day, and you do not collect your first urine that morning, and continue to the following morning, where you do collect your first urine then stop.

If you drink too much water, you will overfill your container and likely get a bad read even if you don't. If you drink too little you will also get a bad read. Plan on doing this more than once.

Hospital testing

You will spend a day at the hospital. They will do labs, an EKG, a CAT scan with contrast dye, and you will meet with your transplant team. At the transplant center, they treated me like a celebrity. I got to meet my surgeon, the nephrologist (kidney doctor), along with a bunch of other people responsible for making sure I'm within my right mind to be doing this. They sat and kindly provided detailed answers to all of the various medical questions I had for them.

Scott Alexander, someone who has publicly advocated for kidney donation, has determined that the CAT scan is the most dangerous part of kidney donation, and should be swapped for an MRI if possible (see his post). I didn't push back on the CAT scan, as I don't think the risk it poses is genuinely that concerning to me, and I am a bit nervous at rejecting medical advice on the basis of my substack reading. The hardest part of this was the weirdness of the CAT scan. The contrast dye is given via IV remotely while you get the CAT scan. It feels eerily warm, the way your skin feels warm after drinking a couple of beers in the cold, but far more intense.

Approval

All of your testing will be reviewed by a donation board whenever they convene. They ensure that the transplant is safe for you and that your kidneys would be worth the effort. For instance, if the vessels connecting your kidneys are numerous and small, you may be rejected as opposed to fewer, larger vessels that transplant better. Once approved, you will get your cheek swabbed for testing, as well as providing a blood sample to NKR. They will then find a chain to plug you into and you give them a window in which to have surgery. This is where I am at in the process currently.

If anyone has any questions, please let me know.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

I'm feeling deeply emotional today. There's a lot that's happened over the last few months - including a fair bit that I won't bring up here, outside of the relationship woes. Sorry if this rambles a lot, but I'll try and keep it organized.

For those that need background:
Struggling with my relationship
So it turns out I've been cheated on.

It's been nearly 4 months. I adjusted well to being single again. Went out and restarted hobbies I used to enjoy, took myself out on dates, and generally tried to feel like myself again. Two months after my last post, I had an opportunity to begin seeing someone new. I'm being cautious and careful and the new person is very calm, communicative, and understanding. I recognize it may be early to be seeing someone and this line of thought will be relevant later.

Things were... Copacetic? With my ex. I wasn't terribly happy but was able to move my thoughts along. I got mad at them, said angry things that didn't help, reconciled somewhat and tried to move on. We negotiated financial details a bit, and settled into summer plans. Their new partner was still around a lot, and still refused to ever even talk to me. How dare they, thought I, act like I wasn't even around? At least have the courage to say something, thought I. It irked me. I tried to find out more about this person, search for them online for anything, because they were now around my child more and more and I knew nothing. My searches were in vain, I found not a trace. They were a ghost.

I still kept contact with my ex's best friend - though that's a loose term now. They were equally exasperated and upset about the situation. Their relationship was breaking down because the new partner was - shall we say - incompatible with the best friend. Late in June, I thought to ask a question. One which I had an assumed answer for, but didn't actually know.

"Are they still married?"

The best friend answered. "Yes. It's something they don't like to talk about."

oof.

Here is where some of you will take issue with me, maybe.

That piece of the puzzle was the last thing I needed to find the new partner. I can be very determined when I set my mind to something. I discovered who they were. Their address. Their family. Their partner on Facebook. And I informed them about what was going on. I won't deny it felt good to burst their bubble of secrecy, but I also wanted this partner (let's call them J) to not be blindsided as I was. I wanted to give them the power to make their own choices and decisions with knowledge, not secrecy.

They were completely unaware of what was going on. Long story short, they had been in couples therapy for years. Were high school sweethearts. Together 25+ years. J was livid, of course. They had a family together, with several children (mostly older) involved. My ex found out what happened and blew up at me, claiming that I made a terrible choice and that what I did was wrong, and how could I go "talk to the other side"? They threatened to do what my parents had done. To fight, squabble and argue endlessly. To restrict access to the former stepkids. To limit everything I could do.

Everyone else seeing that situation insists I did the right thing - including J, who was grateful towards me. The house of cards my ex and their new partner had built was now collapsing. Things developed quickly from there. My ex turned everything into my fault. I was the villain in this story of theirs. In speaking with J recently, since after our initial conversation I gave them weeks of space to sort things out, I've learned some things about how my ex has been framing things.

The story New Partner was told was that I'm an alcoholic who abused my ex. My ex claimed that when they were drunk one night I raped them, which led to the pregnancy of our child. My ex said that I tried to force an abortion. That I didn't want our child. There's more details - such as describing the constant debt cycles as being caused by my student loans (nevermind that I haven't had student loans since before we got together) in order to explain those details away and make it all my fault. The more I learned, the more I realized what my partner was describing. It was word for word something that had happened with a prior ex of theirs. A story they'd told many others in their life. The dots are so simple to connect that they might as well be numbered.

Now I am at a juncture. I have had many other things come up this summer which leave me feeling overwhelmed. Professionally and personally. I am seeking legal counsel because claims of rape can and will impact my career and personal life. I am looking for a therapist but the process is excruciating.

In the meantime, I'm doing the best I can to put on a brave face and be there for my child, even when they show up with a shirt saying "X parent is cooler than Y parent".

But today I cried. I cried a lot. I hid it from my child because I didn't want to answer about why I was crying. I sobbed into my pillow until they came asking for pancakes and coca cola and forgive me but I provided.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?