I am 20 and I was going to move to a different country to pursuit my bachelors. I was going to make my parents proud! But, 2 days ago, I had a severe panic attack in the middle of a night and a terrible nightmare which preceded the attack. I started seeing weird things when I closed my eyes and I couldn’t manage a day without crying and continuously kept having tremors so I sought professional help.

Now, I have been diagnosed with severe depression and moderate anxiety and I have deferred my plans to pursuit my higher education.

I was once ahead of my peers and enthusiastic about life but now I just feel stuck in life, I feel worthless, undeserving and a piece of shit. I haven’t accomplished anything in the past 4 years which could work as a groundwork for my motivation and I only seem to fall deeper into despair. 

I feel as if I won’t be able to accomplish my goals or achieve anything in my life.

I haven't thought of harming myself but I think the fear of not being able to achieve anything might just make me suicidal.

I have found the tildes community to be observant and kind, I was a lurker before and asked someone for an invite just to post this here. I don't know if I am looking for advice or comfort or anything else but I sure wanted to put this out here.