y'already know who it is
bishop - little punk bitch.

's go. no need to comment or whatever. just yelling at the internet today.

Xes On My Eyes For Life.

tw: self-harm/suicide/alcohol/drugs

startin off the year all
alone inside my bedroom
lookin back in the past
what i been through
how you'd pet my hair,
cuddle close in my bedroom
now ain't nothin but depressive
air in the bedroom
look what i get up to
xans and the mushrooms
body don't have much room
left for me to love you
it pushes all the air out
in case you maybe come thru
you took all of my breath out
and i can't even speak you

name into the air
with no fingers in my hair
sippin whiskey in my chair
i can see your shadows here
you told me "lay it bare, give
your heart and boy i swear"
from now until the day you die
i promise i'll be there."

now i'm broken down
and wearing out
your voice in my head
get it out
i'm gettin up and pullin down
the liquor off the shelf

my empty bed is
screaming out
i'm praying that you'll
hear me while
i'm masturbating moaning out
"I'm gonna kill myself."

Прости меня,
Пожалуйста
now is my time
убей меня
princess - зайчик
i can't take it
baphometic
angel - wrists slit

cus i'm broken down
and wearing out
i know the truth you
hate me now
i'm gettin up and pullin down
the liquor off the shelf

my empty bed is
screaming out
i'm praying that you'll
hear me while
i'm masturbating moaning out
"I'm gonna kill myself."

ESKEETIT

ESKEETIT

ESKEETIT

ESKEEEETIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT

i like to save this wiine for special occasions because shit's a german specialty that i like to share with people but i only really talk to one other person in this whole fuuuuucking state so i spent it all on me.

out here wildin rn

i aint posted a new piece in a week(ish) so im doing two

but i post "qulaity" so im okay riiiiiight?

dont @ me if u aint catch tha links

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytVww5r4Nk0

https://i.imgur.com/LKIwWHa.png

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2p09lM19FpU ^{this here song issssss}

BIG MOOD

IMMA PLAY DEPRESSING
MUSIC TIL YOU
COME AND
HOLD ME

WENT AND BUILT A COFFIN
BUT I KEEP ON DRILL-
ING HOLES TO
BREATHE

IN HOPES I'LL SEE A PIGEON
WITH A NOTE THAT YOU
WROTE ON IT'S
FEET

SAYING THAT YOU'RE SORRY
WE FUCKED UP AND
YOU'LL COME HOME
TO ME

-.

DOPAMINE
UNKNOWN TO ME
BLACK AND WHITE
A KEATON SCENE

THERMOS FULL
OF KEROSENE
XANNY ON
DELIVERY

"DADDY WILL YOU
CARE FOR ME?"
I TRIED YOU WERE
NOT THERE FOR ME

SAW MY GRANDAD
BARELY BREATHE AND
THEN YOU TURNED
ABANDONED ME

-.

SORDID SCENES IN
SPOILED DREAMS WHEN
I THINK THAT YOU'VE
COME ON BACK

BRAIN AT REST I
FEEL MY FISTS
AS THEY POUND HARD
AGAINST THE BED

FUCK A LABEL
DON'T CARE IF
IT'S ABUSE, I
WANT IT BACK

ASKED ME IF
I'LL MISS YOU
HOLY FUCK I GUESS
I GOT IT BAD.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

FROM WALKIN' HOME
AND TALKIN' LOADS
TO NO MORE CALLS
LIVING ALONE

TO TEETH AND CLAWS
AND FRACTURED BONES
TO TOTALED CARS
AND BROKEN HOMES

LET IT GO
LET IT GO
DON'T HOLD BACK THE RIVER
LET IT FLOW

#DRAINGANG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CgvdbbuMQ_k

haha i'm really okay

post-mortem: holy actual beans dudes this is my most popular post by far! what'd you cats like about it so much?

i swear to god my brain and body work in tandom to make sure i never actually do anything productive.

i came to starbucks exclusively to work on some backend stuff for a project i've got, and i've spent the last hour sipping coffee, watching Joji music videos, and writing this lmao.

i wish there was something like cocaine that wasn't, well, cocaine, that you could take and then you'd be like "hey maybe i should clean my room. hey it's a nice day out i should take a walk. ya know if i get work done now, i can actually take a break without feeling like lazy trash later on!"

actually

that sounds like weed.

i need to move to a legal state lmao.

but in order to do that i gotta get better at programming so i can actually get a car (ya fucked up, bishop) and get a new place.

catch-22's are like so literally my favorite thing (:

anyway this isn't even the poem lmao i'm just sober ranting at the internet.

esskeetiiiiiit

there's this
black hole lingers
'round every corner.

obscure sounds
dark haze,
and no borders

it looms near,
strikes fear
when it's closer

heart runs,
hands shake,
i get colder.

/

sometimes
i get close
take a peek in

low growl
sounds loud
gotta feed it

audrey
she's hungry
when you're bleeding

jumped in-
to my blood
i'm her beacon

/

now i can't shake
this damned desire, god
i think i gotta call her

am i safer when she's
gone? she's in my dreams
do i still love her?

my best friend is
mad, the shit i do
only appalls her.

the pit, it's in my
stomach, god i
feel it getting stronger.

/

audrey

audrey

keep the peace, please.

audrey

audrey

play my heart strings.

you told me to

obey you baby,

you control me.

audrey

lay me

to rest in peace

bishop

(p.s. i noticed that there always seems to be a vote on my post like the second after i post my poetry shit. whoever you are you're cute af and i love you ok)

my head is aching,
day four in sobriety.
is it the drugs or every-
thing that runs about my dreams
all the people in my night-
mares never let me sleep.
my angry father, my old
lover, or my mother's screams.

i go to bed at noon
and i wake up at three.
no power left, make some coffee
just whatever's cheap.
folgers tastes like cigarettes,
a cup of apathy.
wanna sleep inside a noose
on a dramatic tree.*

eyes on gucci cus
they're catching bags
they're getting dark, like the
stones came, painted them black
i wanna move to where the dems are at.
to the palm trees and the medicine.

i fantasize about a booked flight,
goodbyes, and a packed bag.
fresh check, laptop,
in my backpack
new friends, new home,
and a black lab.
but that's all in the clouds
and my drugs are a jetpack.

but now i'm sober
and i'm jetlagged.
and now she's back
turning my dreams bad
woke up, aching head,
and a hurting back.
dig in my closet
for a white bag.

if i'm lucky it's a heart attack.

• this line isn't mine, wish it was though, i love how self-aware it is when it comes to the hyperdramatic bullshit i always write. would love to write some more stuff in this style.

oddly enough, it's from a game grumps episode of super mario galaxy lmao

maybe adding that and fixing the meter in these. i feel like the meter in my sober stuff is really jumpy - i can hear the different parts in my head but i don't think im piecing them together well.

idgaf we going two in one day. ban me if my shit's annoying, just give me my posts first. 's all i ask.

i know a lot of the shit i write is blunt.

i know a lot of it is too straight-forward for people to be comfortable with.

i honestly don't care.

i don't write for them.

i write for my sanity.

i want my words to be your drug.

more drunken poetry.

god bless those who support. you keep me here. i'm glad you enjoy my works and i hope, at the very least, i help you find catharsis or explore a morbid curiosity into the lives of the damned.

i am here for you. i am an example.

from dust we're built,
and to ash we fall
wanna get so high, that
i can't move at all.
turns out her secret
was xan all along
i need some harder shit
just to push me along

never thought that love
was really a drug
that was just some dumb
shit they'd say in the songs
but now it's done, you're
gone, and i'm having withdrawals
i'm getting into drugs and
i'm carving my arms

and you couldn't give a fuck,
you never call
guess all of those years
didn't matter at all
all the shit we went through
can suffer the fall
so why am i even here,
or breathing at all.

had me in a trance, girl
i was under your spell
every command, on
my knees i knelt
really suicidal, that's the
hand i was dealt.
kiss me on my scars, i
think it's sexy as hell

the only thing that turns
me on - facades of real love
so if you're tryna lure me
in, give me a real hug.
pull me close, give a kiss,
that's the best drugs
need you to take the
breath out of my lungs

fuck. i want to die.

"i'd still blow my brains out just for you"

hey you, reading the text sample on the homepage. open this. read the whole thing.

god i remember why i write when im drunk. i'm back
#bishop babyyyyyyyyyy

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she entrusted it in me
and i don't know if i can keep it.
i've got a little friend
who told me a little secret
it's the best i've ever heard
my god i wish i could relive it

she asked me
do you trust me?
as rain poured down on the window

.

i replied honey
would you hurt me?
'course not, i didn't think so.

.

and we laid back
here it fades black
a few things i can't tell you.

.

you'd be angry
try to stop me
don't wanna know what things came to

.

but we laid there
sipping night air
as the rain fell, room was candlelit

.

she felt a little-bittle afraid.
are you okay?
i promise you i can handle it.

.

she laid back, she said alright
i hope that you're right
don't wanna send you scrambling

.

then she got close,
told me a secret
my god i felt outstanding

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she entrusted it in me
and i don't know if i can keep it.
i've got a little friend
who told me a little secret
it's the best i've ever heard
my god i wish i could relive it

(oh my god)

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she trusted me with it, by-
god i can barely believe it
i've got a little friend
with an itty-bitty secret
god i never knew that
i would come to need it

then she made me promise
that i wouldn't go and spread
the word about my findings

.

said she'd be upset with me
and told me all these nasty things
about what she would do to me

.

i gotta tan baby with
a little white secret
......can you believe it

....
....
..my god i can't believe it

.

.

WHISPERS IN THE DARK

WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE A PLAYGROUND

NOW YOU WENT AND GOT IT BAD

WENT POKEMON AND WHITED OUT

YOU GOT A GOOD FRIEND

SHE GAVE YOU A SECRET

I'VE NEVER MET SOMEBODY WEAKER

HOW THE HELL COULDN'T YOU KEEP IT

i've got a little friend
with an even smaller secret
she entrusted it in me
and i don't know if i can keep it.
i've got a little friend
who told me a little secret
it's the best i've ever heard
my god i wish i could relive it

.

i dont know why i even try to write sober lmao.i cant wait to move to a legal state and just stay crossfaded 24/7.

imagine the shit i'll come up with.

making my own music. putting my heart in the lyivs, actually being able to record.

you lot might actually be able to hear one of these "peoms" put to music

cool to see i'm not the only person writing poetry on here anymore. shoutout to @precise and @zoec for sharing their works recently. def looking forward to more in the future.

bishop.

do you think i'm pretty?
do you think of me at all?
i've been laying here and shrinking
oh my god i'm feeling small
every bit of stock that i had
in myself, i auctioned off
invested it in you, hoping
you'd return my calls.

mama i just need a hug
baby need a little love
miss how every day you'd tell me
"baby you look cute as fuck"
now you're gone i'm feeling rough
wonder if i'm good enough
used to be so confident
now i'm into hella drugs
every time i look into the mirror
i start pouring up
yeah she was your better half
you're the worse, and quartered up.
your nose is too big, hair thin
need a tummy tuck
need someone to show you love
warm kisses and tummy rubs

you were my rock and now i sniff rocks.
we had a ball, and now i pop bars.
suicidal thoughts, and crashed cars.
i'm not good enough for any heart.
catch a bag, catch a nose job.
dark eyes, need to nod off.
5'6 never get tall.
take my brain with a sawed-off.

god i wish somebody told me
that the world was gonna roll me
up into a piece of paper
light my ass on fire - smoking.
laying in the dark and dosing
tryna keep my eyes from closing
took you to my favorite cities
love was in St. Louis, growing.
boy you're getting kinda fat,
acne's bad, already know it.
chipped a tooth back in the crash
people cannot help but notice
looking down at my whole world eroded
can't seem to control it
guess this is the life i've chosen
getting high and never coping

mama i just need a hug
baby need a little love
girl what happened to the old
days of us not giving up
you gave me euphoria
fuck, i never needed drugs
i know we had some hard times
i guess i didn't love enough
i know that we would argue, we
would yell, and i would wanna cry
but at least i had someone
to hold and didn't wanna die
hope you have a better life,
peacing out for now cus i'm
gonna take a couple drugs and
pray to god i die tonight

hello.

so all of my works have been on here thus far. either existing as posts on tildes if it's something new, or on my desktop if it's a piece from earlier in the year.

i've not gotten the chance to head into a studio yet, thought i'm curious. would anyone care to hear any of these pieces put to music?

if so, which one? i imagine myself being on limited funds for the first few months once i get the fuck out of texas - furnishing a new apartment from the ground up is gonna be money, so i'm limited on how much studio time i'll be able to get but it's definitely going to be a priority.

also - what'd you have for breakfast?

-bishop

how can creativity
be so void of itself
writing poetry is grabbing
beats from off the shelf
finding other words to
talk about the shit you felt
and repeating endlessly
that you want to kill yourself
you turned into a druggie
after mommy up and left
you did the best you could
and now you're feeling all depressed
no money, think you're ugly
and you're wanting to regress
dreaming of the days you'd
lay your head upon her chest

it's the same shit.
ain't shit changed
in the last 90 days
with your lame quips.
hit the drain switch.
catch a liquor wave
write about wanting a grave
in a krater.
baby face it -
your mind is going numb
because you're never number one
in your focus.
but you chose it.
saw the flags, you were blind.
joy in second to the grind
man it's hopeless.

hope we find some other shit now.
find some new words to write down.
otherwise i'm going down.
otherwise i'm going down.

crawl into a corner, fade
into obscurity
never did i think my love
would be the death of me
conflicted, wanting peace,
but i also want to scream
wicca bloody sacrifice
when you show on my screen
tired of this fucking state
i really wanna leave
head out to the west
spend all my money on some weed
maybe in stay in Texas
do some harder shit for free
they say be yourself but
even i'm tired of me.

and i'm solo.
friends don't understand
family do what they can
but they don't know
i feel so alone.
try to play it safe
but the xan's a call away
i could go numb.
is it good though?
maybe shit's laced,
put me in a better place
never come home.
am i done now?
have i said all i can say?
will these ever go your way?
i feel dumb now.

hope we find some other shit now.
find some new words to write down.
otherwise i'm going down.
otherwise i'm going down.

doing it again, i keep
on repeating myself
telling everyone that every-
day's like i'm in hell
never new ideas, why
am i always compelled
to write all of these poems
that are copies of themselves
is this all cathartic,
or at all good for my health?
nowhere else to turn, i
guess i'm feeling overwhelmed
maybe i should call it quits
and keep it to myself
and pray to god that i
will not see november twelfth.

howdy there. had a good day today, landed a new contract! but of course i can't close out the week on a happy post, where's the fun in that?

so i put some drugs in my tea and wrote a thing.

jouissez.

manny couldn't stand in his corner
for his last fight
wilbur turned around, downwind
on his last flight
osipova sat down, and rolled
off her tights
big sigh
tongue-tied
tryna get their words right
don't cry big guy
i know you'll be alright
life builds character out
of all the bad times
why do my characters
always end up bad guys
even james evans is
falling in some bad times

had a pet, but she
left and took it with
every time he close his eyes,
her visions dance around his head
doesn't want to sleep, so
he's turning to the cigarettes
kinda hard to cuddle up
next to a slilhouette
he craved depth, but
he had nowhere to lay his head
so he grabbed a shovel, headed
out and dug a grave instead
no more confidence, put
some holes in his esophagus
crossed his arms and fell back
into his own sarcophagus

blind optimists start
to make his stomach sick
you say he'll be fine,
how are you so sure of it

(beat.)

how are you so sure of it

times are hard, sui-
cide epidemic
one heated moment,
rash decisions
one year feeling this shit
i can't live with
remember when you made
me liberated

used to be a loverboy
now i'm all jaded
look at myself in the mirror
and i hate it
wonder if i'm thought about
well, or i'm hated
tryna forget, get
numb in this krater
wondering now if
you were a sadist
otherwise how could you
lie to their faces?
tell em that you'd be
there when they need it?
i'm not the only body
you left bleeding

he craved depth, but
he had nowhere to lay his head
so he grabbed a shovel, headed
out and dug a grave instead
no more confidence, put
some holes in his esophagus
crossed his arms and fell back
into his own sarcophagus
"FUK LUV" blood-etched,
tatted on his chest
eyes closed, smile wide, now
that he can get some rest.
high hopes that there's
life in the next.
what he wouldn't give,
just to start over again.

so i know nobody asks for my shit poetry lmao.

i just wanna take a second to thank tildes for being a place for me to get shit off my chest.

i wrote a comment on another site earlier today about catharsis, artistic expression, and depression. and it really made me appreciate the little community we've got going here.

i have a feeling it's the same 5-6 people who upvote my posts whenever they come through, and i love you six to hell and back.

i doubt i'd even get that kinda traction anywhere else.

thank you for the support.

thank you for letting me vent.

much love.

bishop.

it's 3:11 like
the band you like
remember dancing
under flashing lights
ripped off your bra
threw it up high
heading home, arm in arm
what a night
i couldn't see it i
guess i was blind
fetish for pain meant
you loved a fight
you came the loudest
when you held the knife
and drove deep into
my chest that night.

you held me close
and kissed me soft
sat in your lap
and gently rocked
empathic smile and
a lying tongue
you made a promise
that we'd still talk.
behind your back you
held a loaded gun
pulled the trigger took
off in a run
into his arms
into the sun
things are getting dark
in our garage.

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

it's 3:11 and
i'm home alone
asking questions
that nobody knows
should i buy
some xans
buy
some coke
would i be upset
if i overdose
it's been some months
and still here i am
hooded sweater, scarred
arms, kicking cans
a black sheep,
a lost lamb
still in the kiln -
shell of a man

dysthymia
is in my blood
and i cant end
it soon enough
but i just do not
have the guts
yet.
water my tongue
with shitty rum
and pray that i
will find the one
and she'll still love
me when i'm drunk
and
dysthymia
i'm getting high
and i don't really
wanna die
it's just i never
feel alive
man
dripping knife
a sacrifice
mr. sandman
please be nice
i don't wanna
see her face
now

bishop.

tw: death

i remember the day that they died.
you called me at work in the
middle of my shift shooken up,
you wailed and cried
you were hours away
divorce was on the horizon
your mother
she went to get the last of her things
brothers in tow, each under her wings
wanting to grab their toys, their cars,
living in an apartment, left the trampoline

the pool's mostly empty now, and green.

i was always taught that ghosts scream
that any haunted house is a broken record
out of a low-budget horror scene
blood on the walls, ripped at the seams,
what they never tell you in the movies
is that the real scare is going to the house
six months later and finding it empty

and silent.

all that's left is the memory of the violent
no one left to water the yard
grass is yellow, in the garden
wilted violets
and the paintings still hang on the walls.
the lamp is still there on the nightstand
the pots and pans are still in the kitchen
the paper is still on the desk
everything is still where it should be
every item right where it was left
except this sudden void in your soul
and the unending feeling of being depressed
and lost,

scared

a lost lamb in a land once shared
a home where you would draw or write
and now all that's left is light
flittering in through the windows
that just feels so out of place
paintings on the floor covering up
the holes where the bullets laid
open casket you broke down
at the sight of his little face

god what a fucking monster

two years now since the day you lost her
and i have no idea how you are.
i took it upon myself to watch over you, a foster
and hoped to show you real love after this imposter
came into your life and ripped it in pieces
with this targeted hatred and ceaseless screaming
god if i could go back in time.

even still now i wish to trade their lives for mine

even if it just meant another day,
maybe one last time for you to
share a smile or say goodbye
to make peace and hug your mom
or read harry potter to your brothers here
in person and not occasionally from beyond
the grave that plays that same god-fucking-forsaken
song as the house does when you visit.

silence.

why dont they play music in the graveyards.

why dont they play music in the graveyards.

ive had this idea in the back of my head for awhile, roll with me.

sad parties.

so much emphasis on things being perfect, people being perfect, work being perfect, life being perfect. so many people caught up in social media subconsciously at battle to live a filter-perfect lifestyle.

sad parties.

a bunch of people youre close to get together at a comfortable apartment, good food, lots of drinks, lots of drugs. everyones free to indulge as they wish. all the lights go off except for a fireplace or some low-impact nightlights by an easel, and theres just a stream of sad music in the background. no words spoken unless you directly enter a conversation with someone. no forced interaction. just lots of pillows, blankets, and vibes.

really want one of these. might make it a regular thing once i head out west.

anyways, back to the reason we're all here. more sad drunk poetry<3

thank you for all those who leave the comments. i honestly wouldnt keep posting if it werent for you all giving me that little nudge of support. it means a lot.

much love.

bishop.

metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
just another sad white kid, rest in peace Peep.

maybe some lives werent meant for the living
maybe some dreams were meant to go missing
kinda miss the way you would scream like a banshee
kinda miss the way you would threaten to leave me
wanna go back to the days when you need me
always liked how youd cut me deep, and then heal me
if it makes you smile when i cry, then abuse me.
really wouldnt mind if you came back to use me,

cant feel good enough on the nicotine therapy
oxygen coming through airily, barely
slaps on my face were a heavenly remedy
soft pink lace was a beautiful heresy.
pain, drugs, suicidal tendencies, obscurity
wanna fade to black, tell God roll the credit scene
another funeral in the wake of our legacy
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream

(beat.)

metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
take a double scoop, hope i dont see the morning
leaded kiss orgasm, baby send me out moaning
dropped my puppet strings, guess im not worth controlling.
metal must be the best flavor of ice cream.
must be in a coma, two years been a bad dream.
poor lost lamb caught up with a black sheep
knocking back four different drugs just to get sleep

metal is the only thing i feel around me
liquor by the half cup never stops pouring
you held me down, now i feel like im falling
up to the sky, sunshine in the mourning.

fuck anybody who says my shit isn't cultured.

sorry if my language isn't okay on the site.

v drunk at the moment

here it goes anyway

enjoy.

or don't i guess,

either way.

j'en veux plus
exister
içi.

c'est impossible
à dormir
depuis

février quand
t'étais
parti

la bouteille
à remplacé
therapie

Tu m'as
donné pas de
sympathie

c'est parce'que
toi que je
ecris

tous les chansons
qui parle'd
mourir

ouais c'est
vrai q'je rêve
d'suicide

Je plonge
dans l'alcool
comme piscine

Daily still
wonder if
you miss me

Daddy still
gonna miss
his baby

I really miss
the way you'd
reassure me

comme

"Oauis, papa
c'est que tout va-t-
allez bien

Non, monsieur,
tu ne mourras pas
cette semaine.

Je vais, faire
sûr que je prends
soin de toi

I will love you,
cross my heart and
swear to God. "

"Oauis, papa
c'est que tout va-t-
allez bien

Non, monsieur,
tu ne mourras pas
cette semaine.

Je vais, faire
sûr que je prends
soin de toi

I will love you,
cross my heart and
swear to God. "

J'en veux plus
exister
sans toi

Je m'ai demandé
chaque nuit
pourquoi?

Tu m'as laiseé
completement
pantois

Je'm sens
maintenant
trop inadéquat

Would you like me
better if I had
some photoshop

Would you come to
visit if my breathing
ever stopped

Better yet, I
wonder if I'd rather
have you not

I just wish I had
some truth before
I fade to black

ouais, monsieur.

tu ne mourras pas
cette semaine

been sitting on two of these most of the day, might be a little messy.

i feel like it's a little stale since i left it waiting, and i'm significantly more sober than when i usually write.

as always, comments welcome. or ignore this entirely if you're not feeling it<3

bless.

bishop

also this one gets somewhat graphic, gonna start leaving these trigger warnings up top - drugs, alcohol, suicide, covers it i think, let me know if i should add anything else

been smoking and drinking
just so i can cope
gave her the ring
she put me on the ropes
new girl show up but
i don't got no hope
my heart is still sinking
i'm trying to float like

Gretel, baby, where did you go?
no crumbs left I can throw
Hansel in the forest alone
put me out of house and my home
hands full of green and some blow
no drinks left but the coke
she's laughing now - am I the joke?
turned my heartthrob into a stroke -

your bedside's left wide
open to the moonlight
head high, red eye
stranded on the roadside
you kissed, i cried,
while i watched papaw die
No sleep, four nights
you told me it's alright
helped me keep my head high
helped me say my goodbyes
then you hit me blindside
didn't get a goodbye

peace, bye, next flight,
right into his arms like
you've been biding time,
waiting for the day to strike me

down.

down.

down.

Left me tied strapped to the bed
Headphones looping what you said
Promises we could stay friends.
Cool ones pour down my head
I know the river Styx runs red
Little siren told me "Baby, dive in"
Closed eyes, woke up dead.
Didn't know God's a raven.

Now you got your Raybans
and your black Timbs
Got your new Amex,
one in the black print
Hope it was worth it
on your conscience
that you lied through your teeth
and he fucking lost it

costless

Must be nice right?
If it's not on the bill
it don't have a price
Fuck being nice,
Fuck doing what's right,
What's another sad white
boy taking his life?

Masochistic statistic
when his legs kick
Fuck vacation,
Miami,
Fuck a new chick
Cool one rain straight
to the forehead
Gorgeous.
One less problem
to deal with. Lord, yes.

Gretel, baby, where did you go?
no crumbs left I can throw
Hansel in the forest alone
put me out of house and my home
hands full of green and some blow
no drinks left but the coke
she's laughing now - am I the joke?
turned my heartthrob into a stroke -

last one for today, feel like i've been littering all over tildes and i dont want to be the only thing people see on the homepage.

i normally only do these like once a week, but i kept finding words that work today.

sorry for the clutter,

cheers.

bliky at the forehead
hit the floor dead.
i give you advice
so that i feel important
tell me to stay im
a little distorted
cross-faded vision
is going contorted

take off my seatbelt
and i start to floor it
fuck all your comments
i know its abhorrent
i only go out in the
night when it's dormant
in hopes that I'll see
a brick wall and ignore it

gorgeous.

tell me, do you cry or get lonely?
Do you ever feel soulless?
Do you ever stop and reminisce?
Baby I want to feel free.
Free.

(beat.)

dagga in die bak - smoke
til the morning
i just want you back
still hear you moaning
hard to look back,
know that you happened
hard to look back,
see what we had then
knife hits the floor, saying
what the fuck man
you're a grown man how
do you function
why do you do this
you're above this
Cus I don't know what's real
Baby I want to feel free

Free

Free

Free

bliky at the forehead
hit the floor dead.
i give you advice
so that i feel important
tell me to stay im
a little distorted
cross-faded vision
is going contorted

take off my seatbelt
and i start to floor it
fuck all your comments
i know its abhorrent
i only go out in the
night when it's dormant
in hopes that I'll see
a brick wall and ignore it
it's gorgeous.

nevermind.

my stoep is warm.
my stoep is warm.
can't keep my calm
it should probably raise alarms if
my stoep is warm
my stoep is warm
that there's a problem
and I dont know how to stop it

fucked up his arm
with bleeding scars
that kid's an addict he
has no idea how to quit
Insha'allah
One day he'll stop
If he ever dulls the edges of
the shards of broken promises

'llahu-allah
'llahu-allah
That a broken-legged lamb
can still hobble into Providence
i hear the caw
i hear the caw
woke up in a sweat and
saw a raven at my doorstep

(beat.)

messed up inside
messed up inside
only when he's fucked up
does he really feel alive
the pain you feel
the pain you feel
is the happiness you had before
So pay it up boy, that's the price.

my stoep is warm.
my stoep is warm.
can't keep my calm
it should probably raise alarms if
my stoep is warm
my stoep is warm
that there's a problem
and I dont know how to stop it

fucked up his arm
with bleeding scars
that kid's an addict he
has no idea how to quit
Insha'allah
One day he'll stop
If he ever dulls the edges of
the shards of broken promises

the stoa's hot
the stoa's hot
how you gonna run from
a problem that's inside your head

it's going dark,
it's going dark
beautiful curse if you
find that you woke up again

hi there.

before you read this, it's another one of my shitty sad poem/lyrics doohickeys.

i generally just post these up here as a way to vent, clear my head when i cant sleep.

if you're alright with sad stuff, feel free to read along. if not, that's cool too. just wanted to give a heads up in case there's stuff on your mind you're trying not to think about.

anyways,

thanks for stopping by,

bishop.

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side

been in my head so
long that i lost my mind.
running little low on
words, because you never write

cant get to sleep until 4am
nothing feels home like an angry bed
cant find a shoulder to lay my head,
missing warm lips and your icy legs.

trying real hard not to fuck with meds.
goddamn hard not to fuck with meds.
can't get the picture out of my head
of you in my bed so i guess instead

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side
hard to want to try if you
don't want to be alive
only crashing hard now
because you made me feel high
in a week you were gone,
couldn't get a kiss bye
bled your name out of my arm
once upon a midnight

can't stop looking at
your shadow on my bedside
all the worst demons
are the ones we have inside
splashing turned to drowning in
the ocean of her blue eyes
x on the map,
wherefore does her love lie
Nyctophobic and you
took my dog and my flashlight
Guess I didn't know that
certain spiders can spin lies
diamonds in midnight
can try, but still won't shine
cant turn it down, honey,
do you hear a loud cry?

(

beat. sip some tea.

)

if the whole world's upside
down, can you stand upright?
guess this is the toll for
the road less traveled by
caught in the valley of the
dark - ride, baby, ride
make me feel high and
you can hurt me until i die

i just want to sip
four bottles of wine
fall asleep in the bath
pray to god that i die
summer's on hold
only winter in the night
i only felt right
when i was by your side
hard to want to try if you
don't want to be alive
only crashing hard now
because you made me feel high
in a week you were gone,
couldn't get a kiss bye
never heard that sound before,
do you hear a loud cry?