Man, it's really wild reading this for me, because I remember reading it roughly around the time it was published around 10 years ago. I was in a relationship that would turn into a marriage at...
Exemplary
Man, it's really wild reading this for me, because I remember reading it roughly around the time it was published around 10 years ago. I was in a relationship that would turn into a marriage at the time and I thought it was a great piece, but didn't really hit me too deep, because I'd honestly never had my heart broken. I'd only loved one other woman at that point, but it was a kind of juvenile, youthful love. My first love broke up with me for valid reasons, and I was sad, but I got over it in a week or two.
I got divorced from the woman I was with when I originally read this article about four years ago, and reading it again puts it in a whole new light, and it's insane how accurate it is. I can confidently say that my ex wife really did break my heart in the way the author describes. It was a really bad breakup, which began with her cheating on me for months without my knowledge while I was out of the country with the military. I'm not someone that has ever really struggled with long bouts of depression or anxiety, so dealing with those new feelings in my 30s was really difficult.
I'd always worked out to some degree, but I'd say I gave it maybe 60% of my effort. I never really pushed myself super hard. I just lifted weights, I started doing crossfit a few times a week and so on. After I got divorced, I really became a "gym guy". I worked out six days a week, sometimes twice a day. I learned about things like macros, Basal Metobolic Rates, optimal water intake, maximizing natural testosterone production. I actually spent time watching youtube videos about working out. I stopped drinking alcohol. I started bonding with other gym guys about lifting heavy pieces of metal and putting them down over and over. As a result, I got in incredible shape over the course of two or three years. I had a six pack without flexing for the first time in my life. I remember the coaches at my gym joking "From now on when any of the new members ask me the quickest way to get ripped, I'm just going to tell them to get cheated on and then go through a brutal divorce".
I think from the outside, a lot of people saw it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and I could see how it may have seemed that way. I became obsessed with my body fat percentage, my calorie intake, my run time, my PRs. I would decline drinks out at the bars with my friends. I would insist on going to bed at a reasonable hour. I wouldn't compromise my time at the gym for anyone or anything. Even so, it was nice to just care about something for once.
A few years later, I'm in a very happy relationship with my fiance who I'm going to marry in about a year, I still go to the gym regularly, but at a more manageable 3 days a week, and I'm still in pretty good shape, although I don't have a six pack anymore (I don't recommend trying to maintain a six pack for long periods of time unless you're very genetically gifted, it's a pain in the ass).
Overall I'm very, very grateful for that time in my life. I learned a lot, I made a lot of really good friends, I had a hobby I really enjoyed that occupied my time and got me out of the house, and I got to finally learn what it felt like to be the archetype "ripped gym guy" for the first time in my life. I don't think it's a really sustainable lifestyle unless you're single or have a partner that is also really into it and you make your whole lives about being in shape, which I was never really interested in.
I can at least attest that "hit the gym" is actually pretty good advice for someone going through a horrible breakup, at least it was for me.
I remember you talking about your difficult and heartbreaking divorce several years ago, so am super happy to hear that things eventually worked out (while you worked out ;) and you have a new...
I remember you talking about your difficult and heartbreaking divorce several years ago, so am super happy to hear that things eventually worked out (while you worked out ;) and you have a new fiance now. 🤗
❤️ p.s. Your username makes so much more sense now that I know you're a bit of a workout-a-holic. You mentioned the six pack, but clearly you don't skip leg days either. :P
❤️ p.s. Your username makes so much more sense now that I know you're a bit of a workout-a-holic. You mentioned the six pack, but clearly you don't skip leg days either. :P
Years ago this article helped me in a time when I really needed it. Sharing it now in hopes that others might find it helpful, too. I'm also curious to know if anyone has come across any similarly...
Years ago this article helped me in a time when I really needed it. Sharing it now in hopes that others might find it helpful, too.
I'm also curious to know if anyone has come across any similarly inspiring works?
While these pieces of advice may well be good for actual weight loss, they're extremely irrelevant to the actual content of the linked article, which is not really about weight loss.
While these pieces of advice may well be good for actual weight loss, they're extremely irrelevant to the actual content of the linked article, which is not really about weight loss.
Kinda like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Which has very little to do with either Zen or Motorcycle Maintenance. I was hundreds of pages in before I figured that one out. (I am still...
Kinda like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Which has very little to do with either Zen or Motorcycle Maintenance. I was hundreds of pages in before I figured that one out. (I am still bitter about that.)
Insulin response is a whole lot more important than people expect. Shocking your body with insulin causes inflammation, and long term inflammation can cause autoimmune disorders. But perhaps more...
Insulin response is a whole lot more important than people expect. Shocking your body with insulin causes inflammation, and long term inflammation can cause autoimmune disorders. But perhaps more important to the topic is how the balance of the major macronutrients and fiber affect satiety. The lack of fiber in white bread is why it’s not as filling as whole wheat bread, and a more extreme example is how juice and soda is a whole lot of calories that doesn’t make you feel full at all.
I mostly have this down, but how do I deal with portion control when I'm not at a restaurant? Anyway, once I tackle #2, I'm looking forward to checking out number three! Really excited about...
I mostly have this down, but how do I deal with portion control when I'm not at a restaurant? Anyway, once I tackle #2, I'm looking forward to checking out number three! Really excited about what's in store for me!
Thank you for sharing this. It really is a great piece. Resonant with anyone who found working out during a time of grief/loss. On the other side of it all, it makes me miss my gym friends.
Thank you for sharing this. It really is a great piece. Resonant with anyone who found working out during a time of grief/loss. On the other side of it all, it makes me miss my gym friends.
Aww, it's an article about loss :) Good solid advice, 1, 2, and 4. And 3 is very beautiful. Thanks for posting it; good content is good even if older. I haven't read this before.
Aww, it's an article about loss :)
Good solid advice, 1, 2, and 4. And 3 is very beautiful. Thanks for posting it; good content is good even if older. I haven't read this before.
Quite a while back I had my heart broken by a flipflopper who just could not tell me the truth to my face. Spent about 8 months listening to Bill Bailey's Love Song on repeat and seeing a shrink...
Quite a while back I had my heart broken by a flipflopper who just could not tell me the truth to my face. Spent about 8 months listening to Bill Bailey's Love Song on repeat and seeing a shrink because I'm not used to being lied to. Lost about 8 pounds just from stress. Finally realized he and his ex deserved each other and came back to life.
He's worked with Conan for a long time - he used to cohost the Clueless Gamer segments on his show (among other things). Conan even shows up in the video version of this essay (timestamped to when...
He's worked with Conan for a long time - he used to cohost the Clueless Gamer segments on his show (among other things).
I was reading this thinking "this is so familiar that it has to be a rip off of something" but its just an old post phew I just spent the last year losing 60lbs and i too was emotionally...
I was reading this thinking "this is so familiar that it has to be a rip off of something" but its just an old post phew
I just spent the last year losing 60lbs and i too was emotionally distraught at the start of it. Loss really is a hole you fall down, and whatever finally catches you, grips you tight.
Pretty sour comment/vent so probably don't bother reading it. Number 3 is supposed to be funny (and it is) but as someone who just can't seem to lose weight, I'm really disappointed :( Hoped the...
Pretty sour comment/vent so probably don't bother reading it.
Number 3 is supposed to be funny (and it is) but as someone who just can't seem to lose weight, I'm really disappointed :( Hoped the 40+ votes on this post meant it was actual great advice but it's just the generic crap you see everywhere (of curse) but for a moment he had me on step 3 about the gym and I was like "wtf, nothing is easy about that". But ya he's funny.
I tried 16:8 for 2 months, now been eating one meal a day for 1 month and it just isn't working because I really just need that comfort food - it will still be the only meal I eat that day though - so while I'm not gaining anymore, I'm just maintaining my weight now. And I'm overweight. I know it's this that's the problem but I'm on between 700 and 1200 kcal each day and then I fast for between 20 and 30 hours until my next meal the next day. So even though the comfort food is the worst possible things you can eat, it is still only about 1500-2000 calories and it is at worst twice a week, so I just don't understand because your body is supposed to start eating away at your fat after a lot less than the amount of time I am fasting.
Calories in, calories out.. somehow I'm still not on a calorie deficit - I have calculated down to a single kcal how many calories my meals are (my scale goes down to 0.1 gram) but somehow I'm still getting it wrong. I'm sedentary so my expenditure of calories is according to the internet at least 1300.
This sounds like something to see a professional about, perhaps? Either dietician or some other medical person? You mention that you're sedentary, and you've been doing great about sticking to the...
This sounds like something to see a professional about, perhaps? Either dietician or some other medical person?
You mention that you're sedentary, and you've been doing great about sticking to the calories in - what are you doing about calories out? Even a long walk can burn some, if other physical activity isn't an option.
Bodies tend to get to a balance point where more weight isn't lost due to various factors (hence the medical professional advice, maybe you're just getting bloated with water everywhere, which I think can be a diabetes thing)
< what are you doing about calories out? Even a long walk can burn some, if other physical activity isn't an option. Nothing :( I truly am sedentary. I rarely get out except to get groceries in...
< what are you doing about calories out? Even a long walk can burn some, if other physical activity isn't an option.
Nothing :( I truly am sedentary. I rarely get out except to get groceries in the market on the corner. Heavy social anxiety, probably even qualifies as agoraphobia at this point.
I will bring it up with a doctor, thanks for this advice!
Do you make much money? If you're that uncomfortable going out, you could get an exercise bike with Zwift integration. They're expensive, but if your expenses aren't too high and you feel this...
Do you make much money? If you're that uncomfortable going out, you could get an exercise bike with Zwift integration. They're expensive, but if your expenses aren't too high and you feel this strongly about wanting to lose weight, you could probably justify it.
I call treadmills "dreadmills" so I wouldn't recommend one of them, and I love rowing machines but if you aren't exercising much, I think the video game/simulation that comes with Zwift would be better as a motivator to keep up with it.
You really don't even need an expensive Zwift or Peloton bike. I bought myself a relatively cheap ($250 CAD) exercise bike on Amazon about 5 years ago, and (besides diet changes) that's how I lost...
You really don't even need an expensive Zwift or Peloton bike. I bought myself a relatively cheap ($250 CAD) exercise bike on Amazon about 5 years ago, and (besides diet changes) that's how I lost a decent portion of my own excess weight, @smoontjes. I just set mine up in front of my TV so I could veg out to shows/movies/youtube while pedaling away on it.
I make enough to only just get by day to day. So no, can't afford something like that sadly - and even if I could, I don't have the space for it (20 sqm (200 sqft)). Looks like it would be pretty...
I make enough to only just get by day to day. So no, can't afford something like that sadly - and even if I could, I don't have the space for it (20 sqm (200 sqft)). Looks like it would be pretty engaging though.
I know cash is tight, but you can buy folding exercise bikes (e.g. fitshop.dk one for kr. 1.556) if space is an issue. And they're actually usually cheaper than the non-folding kind too, since...
I know cash is tight, but you can buy folding exercise bikes (e.g. fitshop.dk one for kr. 1.556) if space is an issue. And they're actually usually cheaper than the non-folding kind too, since they generally have much simpler designs and fewer advanced features. I was considering getting one when I bought my own, since I also had somewhat limited space.
Generally, that'd be because you're underestimating how many calories you're eating, whether that be by measuring the calories in the meal incorrectly, or by not adding things like snacking, or...
Generally, that'd be because you're underestimating how many calories you're eating, whether that be by measuring the calories in the meal incorrectly, or by not adding things like snacking, or liquid calories like a starbucks frap in the morning.
You say
I have calculated down to a single kcal how many calories my meals are (my scale goes down to 0.1 gram) but somehow I'm still getting it wrong.
But then
So even though the comfort food is the worst possible things you can eat, it is still only about 1500-2000 calories and it is at worst twice a week
So clearly it's not down to the single kcalorie if you're having to estimate. And is it just twice a week?
Either way, though, if you're at maintenance while being almost completely sedentary, that's not a bad place to be. If you start adding on physical movement, you'll be in a caloric deficit in no time - you just have to absolutely make sure you're eating the same amount, and not more. That can be as simple as getting your 10k steps in a day, or doing some basic strength training at the gym. I would recommend the latter eventually, it's just very beneficial for your overall health, weight aside.
Well, sure. My first wife died. I then lost (... does math...) at least 55 pounds in a year, exercising twice a day just to get enough dopamine... Trigger warning... to survive another day and not...
Well, sure. My first wife died. I then lost (... does math...) at least 55 pounds in a year, exercising twice a day just to get enough dopamine...
Trigger warning... to survive another day and not kill myself.
I also obsessively calorie counted to the point of eating disorder, denying myself food if I hadn't worked out enough to burn the calories. That's an eating disorder. But then I had the total absence of that since I was age 10. Hoping tirzepatide makes a dent.
I pretty much gained it all back over the next decade. At least I'm remarried now and we're finally figuring out how to live properly with each other, two neurodivergent people we've discovered we are.
Man, it's really wild reading this for me, because I remember reading it roughly around the time it was published around 10 years ago. I was in a relationship that would turn into a marriage at the time and I thought it was a great piece, but didn't really hit me too deep, because I'd honestly never had my heart broken. I'd only loved one other woman at that point, but it was a kind of juvenile, youthful love. My first love broke up with me for valid reasons, and I was sad, but I got over it in a week or two.
I got divorced from the woman I was with when I originally read this article about four years ago, and reading it again puts it in a whole new light, and it's insane how accurate it is. I can confidently say that my ex wife really did break my heart in the way the author describes. It was a really bad breakup, which began with her cheating on me for months without my knowledge while I was out of the country with the military. I'm not someone that has ever really struggled with long bouts of depression or anxiety, so dealing with those new feelings in my 30s was really difficult.
I'd always worked out to some degree, but I'd say I gave it maybe 60% of my effort. I never really pushed myself super hard. I just lifted weights, I started doing crossfit a few times a week and so on. After I got divorced, I really became a "gym guy". I worked out six days a week, sometimes twice a day. I learned about things like macros, Basal Metobolic Rates, optimal water intake, maximizing natural testosterone production. I actually spent time watching youtube videos about working out. I stopped drinking alcohol. I started bonding with other gym guys about lifting heavy pieces of metal and putting them down over and over. As a result, I got in incredible shape over the course of two or three years. I had a six pack without flexing for the first time in my life. I remember the coaches at my gym joking "From now on when any of the new members ask me the quickest way to get ripped, I'm just going to tell them to get cheated on and then go through a brutal divorce".
I think from the outside, a lot of people saw it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, and I could see how it may have seemed that way. I became obsessed with my body fat percentage, my calorie intake, my run time, my PRs. I would decline drinks out at the bars with my friends. I would insist on going to bed at a reasonable hour. I wouldn't compromise my time at the gym for anyone or anything. Even so, it was nice to just care about something for once.
A few years later, I'm in a very happy relationship with my fiance who I'm going to marry in about a year, I still go to the gym regularly, but at a more manageable 3 days a week, and I'm still in pretty good shape, although I don't have a six pack anymore (I don't recommend trying to maintain a six pack for long periods of time unless you're very genetically gifted, it's a pain in the ass).
Overall I'm very, very grateful for that time in my life. I learned a lot, I made a lot of really good friends, I had a hobby I really enjoyed that occupied my time and got me out of the house, and I got to finally learn what it felt like to be the archetype "ripped gym guy" for the first time in my life. I don't think it's a really sustainable lifestyle unless you're single or have a partner that is also really into it and you make your whole lives about being in shape, which I was never really interested in.
I can at least attest that "hit the gym" is actually pretty good advice for someone going through a horrible breakup, at least it was for me.
I remember you talking about your difficult and heartbreaking divorce several years ago, so am super happy to hear that things eventually worked out (while you worked out ;) and you have a new fiance now. 🤗
Well I appreciate the well wishes, and I'm honestly surprised anyone remembers anything I say here! Thanks!
❤️ p.s. Your username makes so much more sense now that I know you're a bit of a workout-a-holic. You mentioned the six pack, but clearly you don't skip leg days either. :P
Hah, yep. Someone finally cracked the code! The back squat is my absolute jam.
Years ago this article helped me in a time when I really needed it. Sharing it now in hopes that others might find it helpful, too.
I'm also curious to know if anyone has come across any similarly inspiring works?
While these pieces of advice may well be good for actual weight loss, they're extremely irrelevant to the actual content of the linked article, which is not really about weight loss.
Kinda like Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance. Which has very little to do with either Zen or Motorcycle Maintenance. I was hundreds of pages in before I figured that one out. (I am still bitter about that.)
Insulin response is a whole lot more important than people expect. Shocking your body with insulin causes inflammation, and long term inflammation can cause autoimmune disorders. But perhaps more important to the topic is how the balance of the major macronutrients and fiber affect satiety. The lack of fiber in white bread is why it’s not as filling as whole wheat bread, and a more extreme example is how juice and soda is a whole lot of calories that doesn’t make you feel full at all.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9mbp0DugfCA
In case you don't want to read.
I mostly have this down, but how do I deal with portion control when I'm not at a restaurant? Anyway, once I tackle #2, I'm looking forward to checking out number three! Really excited about what's in store for me!
Thank you for sharing this. It really is a great piece. Resonant with anyone who found working out during a time of grief/loss. On the other side of it all, it makes me miss my gym friends.
This was beautiful. Thank you for sharing it.
Aww, it's an article about loss :)
Good solid advice, 1, 2, and 4. And 3 is very beautiful. Thanks for posting it; good content is good even if older. I haven't read this before.
Quite a while back I had my heart broken by a flipflopper who just could not tell me the truth to my face. Spent about 8 months listening to Bill Bailey's Love Song on repeat and seeing a shrink because I'm not used to being lied to. Lost about 8 pounds just from stress. Finally realized he and his ex deserved each other and came back to life.
This guys works for Conan O'Brien right? He helps with the "Conan Needs a Friend" podcast.
He's worked with Conan for a long time - he used to cohost the Clueless Gamer segments on his show (among other things).
Conan even shows up in the video version of this essay (timestamped to when he appears).
I was reading this thinking "this is so familiar that it has to be a rip off of something" but its just an old post phew
I just spent the last year losing 60lbs and i too was emotionally distraught at the start of it. Loss really is a hole you fall down, and whatever finally catches you, grips you tight.
I like this, it has a good vibe. thanks for sharing.
Pretty sour comment/vent so probably don't bother reading it.
Number 3 is supposed to be funny (and it is) but as someone who just can't seem to lose weight, I'm really disappointed :( Hoped the 40+ votes on this post meant it was actual great advice but it's just the generic crap you see everywhere (of curse) but for a moment he had me on step 3 about the gym and I was like "wtf, nothing is easy about that". But ya he's funny.
I tried 16:8 for 2 months, now been eating one meal a day for 1 month and it just isn't working because I really just need that comfort food - it will still be the only meal I eat that day though - so while I'm not gaining anymore, I'm just maintaining my weight now. And I'm overweight. I know it's this that's the problem but I'm on between 700 and 1200 kcal each day and then I fast for between 20 and 30 hours until my next meal the next day. So even though the comfort food is the worst possible things you can eat, it is still only about 1500-2000 calories and it is at worst twice a week, so I just don't understand because your body is supposed to start eating away at your fat after a lot less than the amount of time I am fasting.
Calories in, calories out.. somehow I'm still not on a calorie deficit - I have calculated down to a single kcal how many calories my meals are (my scale goes down to 0.1 gram) but somehow I'm still getting it wrong. I'm sedentary so my expenditure of calories is according to the internet at least 1300.
/sourness
This sounds like something to see a professional about, perhaps? Either dietician or some other medical person?
You mention that you're sedentary, and you've been doing great about sticking to the calories in - what are you doing about calories out? Even a long walk can burn some, if other physical activity isn't an option.
Bodies tend to get to a balance point where more weight isn't lost due to various factors (hence the medical professional advice, maybe you're just getting bloated with water everywhere, which I think can be a diabetes thing)
< what are you doing about calories out? Even a long walk can burn some, if other physical activity isn't an option.
Nothing :( I truly am sedentary. I rarely get out except to get groceries in the market on the corner. Heavy social anxiety, probably even qualifies as agoraphobia at this point.
I will bring it up with a doctor, thanks for this advice!
Do you make much money? If you're that uncomfortable going out, you could get an exercise bike with Zwift integration. They're expensive, but if your expenses aren't too high and you feel this strongly about wanting to lose weight, you could probably justify it.
I call treadmills "dreadmills" so I wouldn't recommend one of them, and I love rowing machines but if you aren't exercising much, I think the video game/simulation that comes with Zwift would be better as a motivator to keep up with it.
You really don't even need an expensive Zwift or Peloton bike. I bought myself a relatively cheap ($250 CAD) exercise bike on Amazon about 5 years ago, and (besides diet changes) that's how I lost a decent portion of my own excess weight, @smoontjes. I just set mine up in front of my TV so I could veg out to shows/movies/youtube while pedaling away on it.
I make enough to only just get by day to day. So no, can't afford something like that sadly - and even if I could, I don't have the space for it (20 sqm (200 sqft)). Looks like it would be pretty engaging though.
I know cash is tight, but you can buy folding exercise bikes (e.g. fitshop.dk one for kr. 1.556) if space is an issue. And they're actually usually cheaper than the non-folding kind too, since they generally have much simpler designs and fewer advanced features. I was considering getting one when I bought my own, since I also had somewhat limited space.
Generally, that'd be because you're underestimating how many calories you're eating, whether that be by measuring the calories in the meal incorrectly, or by not adding things like snacking, or liquid calories like a starbucks frap in the morning.
You say
But then
So clearly it's not down to the single kcalorie if you're having to estimate. And is it just twice a week?
Either way, though, if you're at maintenance while being almost completely sedentary, that's not a bad place to be. If you start adding on physical movement, you'll be in a caloric deficit in no time - you just have to absolutely make sure you're eating the same amount, and not more. That can be as simple as getting your 10k steps in a day, or doing some basic strength training at the gym. I would recommend the latter eventually, it's just very beneficial for your overall health, weight aside.
Aside from seeing a doctor/dietician (which I agree is good advice), are you interested in more advice or personal accounts on weight loss?
Yes, definitely!
Spite is a powerful motivator.
Well, sure. My first wife died. I then lost (... does math...) at least 55 pounds in a year, exercising twice a day just to get enough dopamine...
Trigger warning
... to survive another day and not kill myself.I also obsessively calorie counted to the point of eating disorder, denying myself food if I hadn't worked out enough to burn the calories. That's an eating disorder. But then I had the total absence of that since I was age 10. Hoping tirzepatide makes a dent.
I pretty much gained it all back over the next decade. At least I'm remarried now and we're finally figuring out how to live properly with each other, two neurodivergent people we've discovered we are.