Users of Tildes, what are your morning routines like? What do you do when you first open your eyes and get out of bed? What things do you think are beneficial and help you start your day? What improvements do you think you could make?

I initially tried to find an existing thread, but my Google Fu was not up to the task. My apologies if this has been asked before.

For me, my usual morning goes like this:

• Get woken up before the alarm by my dog
• Take her out while doing the daily Wordle
• Feed my dog while drinking my morning coffee and reading a chapter from one of the books I’m currently reading
• Get dressed and tidied up
• (If it’s a work day) I prep my things/lunch
• (if it’s the weekend) I’ll typically read a couple more chapters or go directly to the next step
• I’ll catch up on news/Tildes/Instagram
• And then I continue my day (either by going to work or planning out what needs done around the house)

I think the only improvements I could really think of is possibly adding a block of 10-15 minutes to journal. I think a bit of self reflection would be beneficial. I usually do some journaling in the evening, but having both my pre and post day thoughts catalogued could be beneficial.

What about you guys? What do your mornings look like?

I know for basic living for one single person and no pets, a bathroom, and kitchen+living room+bedroom are the bare essentials. So basically a studio.

What I'm looking for is some opinions on what separated rooms are needed/wanted for a house, and also how needed/wanted are they? I'd say the bathroom and "studio" room would rank as #1 and #2, unless you plan on having the "studio" area separate. In that case, these are ranked as:
Bathroom -1
Kitchen - 2
Bedroom - 3
Living room - 4

Maybe add in closets here and there, and a laundry room?

Bthrm closet - 5
Laundry - 6
Bdr closet - 7
Pantry - 8
Lvgrm closet - 9

But I know nothing of what rooms are necessary (or lesser known possible rooms/areas) for living, or even how big they should be. I know in my state, NC, the bare minimum is 720 sq ft, so shooting for slightly over that would be ideal for me. I don't want to have a huge house to clean, and I love cozy, small spaces. If I want to see some larger space, I'll look out a window or go outside.

So what would be your numbered list for priority rooms in a house?

Hey all. I have a room that's currently lit (during the night) by two light fixtures attached to the same wall and on the same switch. Each fixture has two LED lights with a 2700K or 2800K color temperature (don't remember exactly), 230lm brightness, 3.9W power consumption, for presumably a theoretical total of 920lm and 15.6W. These bulbs are angled some 45 degrees forward aimed at the (white) ceiling in order to reflect diffuse light for the rest of the room.

I'm going to add two tall bookcases to that wall which are going to cover where the lights currently are, so I need to figure out another solution for lighting. I don't want to damage the ceiling. Currently, my idea is to extend the wiring from the walls up behind the bookcases and place lights at the top of the bookcases, similarly angled forward so they reflect off the ceiling closer to the middle of the room.

But I'm not finding appropriate fixtures, devices or anything else that I can place on a horizontal surface in order to angle a directed diffuse light forward. The closest I have right now would be something like these outdoor waterproof floodlights.

They have a number of problems, though, chief of all the temperature being 3000K (that's the lowest available; you can get them a lot colder). For some reason, no one seems to be making 2700K/2800K versions of these. I'm afraid if I buy these, the light in this room will be noticeably different from the rest of the house. They are also very bright at 1000lm each (these are the darkest available; they make them even brighter) for a total 2000lm, more than twice the current brightness. I'm afraid if I sit in a room lit by these, it will affect the quality of my sleep.

Does anyone have any ideas that might yield something closer to what I currently have, but which can be placed atop the bookcases and directed forward and up, as desired? It's also important that replacements don't require waiting for a 6 week cargo ship voyage from somewhere in China, that the power consumption isn't significantly higher, and that there won't be some huge monstrous device on the bookcase visible from the ground.

Some normal everyday things have "premium" alternatives which are more high-quality and pleasant to use. Some examples of what I mean

Ballpoint pens -> Fountain pens
Cartridge razor -> Double edge razor
Nespresso -> Brewing coffee
Membrane keyboards -> Mechanical keyboards

Those things can be overkill, but if it's something that you use often, it can become a great investment.

What other similar improvements have you found?

I'm curious about people's thoughts/opinions on how a vet (or someone offering a pet service) should interact with a dog. It seems as though people have wide ranging and shifting opinions about how dogs should be interacted with and how they interpret the dog's behavior. Some people are extremely sensitive about their dog's mental well being. They do acupuncture and meditation exercises with their dog, speak about the dog's mental health and choose vets that take a very non-threatening and holistic approach to dealing with dogs.

On the flip side is the vet that, although kind and somewhat sensitive, takes a more treatment focused approach and are more direct (the "gentle but firm" approach). Although the dog may be nervous and scared, IME that's pretty common for many dogs. This more direct vet would acknowledge the nervousness but still do what they need to do, often saying "I know you don't like this buddy, but we've gotta do this".

I'm curious what people's thoughts are on this. I'm asking about this because I had an experience at a vet that took a more sensitive approach. And while I appreciate that, my dog was sick and needed treatment. Because of this sensitive technique, the vet didn't examine my dog. He did the "let the dog come to me" approach, which, heh, doesn't really work when you have a sick dog that needs a diagnosis and treatment. You kinda HAVE to put your hands on the dog, feel their vitals, chest, check for lumps, etc. The vet also did the "don't make eye contact" approach, which, heh, means you also aren't looking at my dog to see what their issue looks like. Basically the vet crouched down in the corner of the room, didn't look at my dog and didn't touch her. Because I'm very cuddly with dogs, my dog took his behavior as being uninterested and ignored him. When the vet pointed to her ears and said they were laying down because she felt threatened, I corrected him and said her ears were down because she was being submissive (she was calm, sitting with her ears relaxed, not flattened down against her head). I was getting frustrated because I just wanted my dog examined and treated. I'm fine with my dog being uncomfortable during a wellness exam because that's just the way it goes, even for humans! I do want a vet to be somewhat sensitive but firmness and directness can be done sensitively. Idk if it's because I'm older and have an older mentality about this. I grew up watching vets kinda manhandle dogs and saying "they're dogs, they're fine, don't worry so much". I don't treat dogs like hunting dogs (that's just too harsh imo) but I acknowledge that dogs are tougher than we think sometimes.

What are your thoughts and/or opinions on this?

(This is my first post, so please do add tags or tell me if I've missed anything. Thanks!)

After a recent incident I've had with a male colleague at work this past week, I feel lost and downtrodden on how to move forward in my career. I've experienced various forms of misogyny in most roles I've held, but this has been the worst offense I've encountered. It honestly has me sick with stress and I feel so alone in how to handle it.

For context, I am often the only woman on meetings and regularly have to lead groups of all men. I've done this all throughout my career and have accepted it as a norm. While I have encountered issues in the past, never anything as egregious as what I dealt with the other day. I am often having to verify and source technical information to ensure project items are on track and this requires me to connect with various individuals. When some recent concerns were brought forward for an ongoing project, I was continually given the runaround by this male colleague. Due to days passing and the lack of cohesion for the issue of concern, I attempted to have a group discussion amongst the relevant folks.

This action sent that male colleague into an absolute rage of which I was the target. An action that I have regularly done for months without issue and is a run-of-the-mill thing for communication was misinterpreted by him. Instead he viewed it as an attack and ran to my lead to accuse me of running to higher-ups to assert he isn't doing his work properly; a completely opposite story from what I had done. This male colleague proceeded to yell at me like an abusive ex and is proceeding with excluding me out of important discussions. My lead is also male and due to this male colleague running to him first, he sided with him when I attempted to connect about how I was treated. When talking with both men to explain or try to understand their perspective, I was continually talked over, hushed, and essentially silenced into submission. I was told I am now a risk to team cohesion and that I am causing problems when I have been receiving nothing but praise from all others for my work.

I'm honestly so distraught from this experience and the lack of support from my lead. Each meeting with the male colleague that screamed at me has me on edge and I feel sick when determining how to get the answers I need for my work. Instead I am having to find a way to get placed on another project and the stress of sorting this with my company's HR. My confidence in my capabilities feels wounded and I am filled with anxiety now even when talking about topics I am familiar with. I am struggling to move past this and have the energy to find something better.

For those of you who have experienced similar misogyny in the workplace, how did you overcome incidents like these? How did you stop feeling so broken by how it affected you? I'm so worried about landing another project or job that will have these same issues and I really don't know if I can take being treated by men like this in the professional world anymore. How do you interview or gage a company to determine you won't encounter this again? I am so bitter of continually seeing men have this behavior, yet have been rewarded in their careers by being elevated to positions of authority. Any advice, sharing of wisdom, or any support would be greatly appreciated.

Hey all! Long time no see.
So, I'm dealing with a problem that I can't find many other people having online and I thought I would ask you very well informed people.

So, I recently got a double mastectomy, went from I believe C cups to an extremely flat chest.
Since then, I've had quite the trouble with shirts, specifically t-shirts.

They never did this before, but now, the shirt collar rides up on my throat every few minutes. It doesn't seem to matter too much what the size is, large or medium(the 2 sizes of shirts that I regularly wear).
Of course, they also fit looser, but I expected that.
Is this causing the shirts to ride up? Is there any way I can fix this?
Additional, may or may not be relevant details:
I have been on testosterone for 2 years, so could it have something to do with mass increase around my shoulders/neck?
My weight is around 210lbs, and I'm 5'7/5'8.

If anyone knows anything, or could point me to a better place to ask this question I would really appreciate your insight!

I am helping someone look for a job related to coding (in Canada). Software development, web development, app development, etc. You get the idea. I have no connections in tech to help them network. And I don't understand what the difference is between an intermediate/intro position, what qualifications to help them highlight on their resume, or what is preventing them from finding a job. I know they've applied to hundreds of posts on LinkedIn and Indeed, etc. but they have only received a single interview (but no job).

I am at a loss - how do I help this person? How do you help someone find a job in a field you don't understand or have any network to help them meet the right person? Tech specific advice would be a godsend, but really any job-search related tricks, tips, etc. that I can pass on would be greatly appreciated.

I have a problem. My wife is currently training for a half-marathon and getting really into it. She's getting anxiety about being able to finish her training runs, she's telling me how much this is going to mean to her, and comparing the race with her giving birth to our children.

My problem is that I just don't "get it".

As a good partner, I'm really trying to support her. I have never said anything negative about her running, I've always watched the kids when she needs to train, and I'll absolutely be there during the run to cheer her on. But deep down it just doesn't feel like a 'big deal' to me.

I'm glad that she's healthy and exercising regularly, and that she's getting some mental relief from being a stay-at-home-Mom. But just running a long way is just that. I liken it to saying everyday after dinner, I'm going to go stack some rocks in the front yard. And then one day saying "Wow, I'm going to stack them 10 feet high!". And really expecting her to get excited for me because of that.

Running feels like a personal accomplishment, and because of that, I'm sure she's excited personally, but I'm just not that impressed. I've always hid that part, and just said things like "way to go babe!" or "I knew you could do it", but she could tell this morning that I wasn't truly excited about it.

To compound things, her sister and brother-in-law are avid runners, and they've both done marathons. She is just in awe of them, and they all hype this up to each other. On his last run (a 30 mile trail run) he was faltering, but made it through. Everyone is just so impressed with his accomplishment. I mean its cool that he's good at his hobby, but also that kind of shit cannot be good for your body, and he had like a 3 day recovery period where his wife is watching the kids almost exclusively.

Why is he doing that to himself, and even more importantly, why is everyone around us so excited that he did? I feel like they're getting excited that someone went to the gym and worked out, but just in an extreme manner.

What is wrong with me? Please help me understand why I'm not excited that my wife is running a long distance.

This question is particularly regarding kids ages 5-12. I've read some great tips, and I'm wondering what you have found to help. Here are a few:

1. Emphasize boundaries with frequent caretakers, such as grandparents and neighbors.
2. Share science facts, religious traditions, and a variety of creation myths with young kiddos to neutralize Bible stories.
3. Talk regularly about your own ethics and values.
4. Explain others' beliefs and contextualize those beliefs as part of their culture.

Sorry if this is a bit materialistic.

I think furniture reveals a lot about people, and the way that people organise their space is really interesting to me. For example I allocate a vast amount of space for bookshelves, whereas some people like to have big open spaces.

Personally my favourite furniture brand is probably Vitsoe. There's also often some fantastic furniture on EBay, or available at auction from offices (a really mad thing is that it's fairly common for office rental contracts to require the entire fitout to be ripped out and the office returned unfurnished – this often means everything including the ceiling panels and floorboards is throw out – even if the next tennant would happily accept the fitout) as people move out.

p.s. people who buy really expensive furniture which looks super ugly just so that they can flex their expensive furniture are the worst

I'm interested to hear your methods, tools, and philosophies. Do you write meticulous to-do lists? Pen-n-paper, or a favourite app? Rigorous habit building?

Whatever it is you do that keeps your life in check and gets you to do things on time, I'd love to hear it.

I'm in the market for a set of dishes. The consensus is:

• Corelle - lightweight and solid
• Fiestaware - built to last

I'm not a fan of either unfortunately. Not because these brands are bad, but I'm looking for a particular look. Something akin to stoneware with a darker color. I also prefer heavier dishes. Unfortunately stoneware is known (or said) to chip easily. I'm not looking for something that will survive being dropped (I don't remember the last time I dropped a plate). This is the first selling point that gets brought up I've noticed.

What did you choose and what has been your experience? Has your stoneware chipped after washing & stacking?

EDIT
I forgot to provide more details about my situation to help with recommendations.

• I'm in the US
• No family/single, but plan to host for a small group on an occasion (~4 people)
• I'm starting from scratch and would like a set that works in all situations + everyday use. I'm willing to splurge (assuming it's quality and lasts).

I’m a software engineer. Any time this topic comes up it’s clear I’m the odd one out. Recruiters will tell me “don’t worry, we’re fully remote!” but that’s not what I want to hear. Co-workers that are mandated to return to office go on a quiet rebellion to stay at home (and to be clear, I love that they are displaying the power that laborers have even without a union). But for me the quality of the work is lower when remote. Video calls suck and are emotionally draining. Collaboration is core to doing work for me. Sure I can close tickets just fine from home. But what if I’m there to wrap my head around the entire system and all of the people involved in it?

A few things I’m aware of that influence my opinion here:

• I don’t have kids
• I am comfortable asserting my free time. I take plenty of time off and typically work six hour days, never with any push back from anyone. I can usually get much more done in six hours than is asked of me
• Programming is my dream job

Thankfully I am still able to find fully in-person opportunities around me. So this is really just a matter of understanding the rest of the labor market. I don’t need to or want to change anyone’s mind here.

My kids are 17, 15, 14 and 3. The eldest have heard my repertoire over and over again. I speak of my beloved dad favourites such as:

2 cows are in a field. One turns to the other and says "Moo!", the other cow says "Oi, I was going to say that."

2 sausages are in a frying pan. One says "Phew, it's hot in here!" And the other says "Oh my God. A talking sausage!"

Did you hear about the magic tractor? It was going down the road and turned into a field!

Now that you have finished laughing, I need some fresh stuff. So what hidden gems do you have for me to steal and use to cause more groans?

Any advice on how to clean & control dust in the home?

I live in an apartment with no central HVAC, and i suppose certain life choices contribute to excess dust build up.. like

1. Air drying clothes-- All the fibers & dust don't get trapped in the dryer, they kind of stay on clothes until they dry and fall off in my apartment
2. windows are left open (depending on weather)
3. working on sewing projects

Not willing to change any of the above, so i might just have to deal with dusting all the time.

But dusting itself is difficult... Dusters that move dust off surfaces seem perpetually inefficient and can't capture 100%.
Wiping down surfaces is better but even microfiber cloths don't pick up everything either. Clumps up weirdly. And don't want to use a wet rag for dusting off books e.g.

Any suggestions are appreciated!