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What's your favorite read of 2023 so far?
We're halfway through 2023, and I thought I'd check in and ask if anyone has a favorite book they've read this year. Doesn't have to be released this year, just a book that wow'd you in 2023 up to this point.
My contribution I read this year is Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden. Two boys with Cree upbringing find themselves enlisting in World War I. A hard book to read that doesn't pull punches, with descriptions that put you right there with them. Broke my heart several times.
How about you?
My favourite read of the year so far is On Writing by Stephen King.
I've been putting it off for years after having been told countless times how good it is. It only took me about a week to devour it though. I would say for anyone aspiring to be a writer, even if you're not a fan of King, this should be considered mandatory reading. For everyone else, it's a damn good read and I'd still encourage you to pick it up.
It is not a technical book on how to write. It is an auto-biographical account of King's experiences growing up and becoming a writer. It's full of anecdotes and entertaining tales from his childhood.
I've been meaning to read a similar book, Novelist as a Vocation by Haruki Murakami. I don't write at all, but I'm always interested in reading books about things I can't do myself.
I love that book from King. And part of the reason is that he does not shine away from his drug and alcohol abuse. To the point where he had said that he did not remember writing some books that he had wrote.
He narrates the audiobook version which is great, it’s like listening to an extended lecture by him.
The only book "On Writing" (hah) that I can stand. I understand there's a lot of valid wisdom to be found in more technical books, but they put me to sleep. No wonder so many people love King's.
I read The Dispossessed this year and it just blew me socks off. Such a great exploration of a true anarchist society.
This is definitely on my list for this year. I love the Earthsea Cycle and also really enjoyed The Left Hand of Darkness. Have you read any of the other books from the Hainish Cycle?
Always Coming Home just released on audiobook and I'm super excited to listen.
I have not yet. The Left Hand of Darkness is about the Hainish, no? I have read a lot of her short stories and plan to start digging into her novels.
I think my favorite so far has been Contact by Carl Sagan. I've seen the movie many times but had never read the book until now. I'd say the movie got it mostly right (compared to, say, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep vs Blade Runner, the latter of which left out pretty much all of the parts I found most interesting in the former).
On the other end of the spectrum...I recently reread Frankenstein, having had good memories of reading it in college, but man, I just couldn't get into it this time around. I think it's one of those books that benefits greatly from additional context and discussion (what I lovingly refer to as "English Major Books"), and since I didn't have that this time around, it just fell flat.
'Contact' is a great book. And, you're right, the movie does do it justice.
The Lost Metal. It's the last book in the Wax and Wayne series from Brandon Sanderson.
I thought the pacing felt a bit off in The Lost Metal, to be honest. I appreciated the Cosmere connections, but I would have liked some parts of the story to be better developed. I liked the earlier books in that Mistborn generation better.
I've also read Tress this year, which I liked way better, and, since I'm one of Brandon's beta/gamma readers, I read the next Skyward book as well. I'm only allowed to say that I think people will enjoy it! I liked it better than The Lost Metal too.
I really need to go back and re-read that series. I read the first two books and then got distracted and never went back. It's been on my list for a while to get back to.
This is likely my choice as well, excellent ending to the Wax and Wayne series.
Toss up between the Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells (series) or the Martian by Andy Weir.
With the Martian I am kind of kicking myself by the fact that I did not picked it up to read earlier because it is such a great read. Mostly because I did watched the movie and really liked it. I am half way through reading it.
As for the Murderbot Diaries, I had picked it up by complete chance at my library, saw that it was a series of novellas. Read the first one and completely fell in loved with Murderbot, everyone's favorite anti-social, soap opera loving construct. Read the available books from my library within 3 weeks.
I LOVED PHM. We read it in my book club and it was such a vibe. I'll have to check the audiobook out for a rerun
The audiobook of PHM is really great. The Bobiverse series is narrated by the same guy (Ray Porter), I'd recommend those too.
PHM has more Fiction in its SciFi than the Martian and I didn't find it quite as engaging, but on the flip side it was funnier. Weir does the Crusoe setting very well.
Currently about halfway through PHM and it keeps getting better and better!
I tried to get people to read Murderbot who I'm very convinced would love it, but the title really makes it sound like I'm fanboying for a gore title. Which does happen, on occasion, so I don't blame them for being reluctant, but just in case someone is reading this and wondering if they should pick it up and the title doesn't sound enticing to them: the book doesn't shy away from topics like armed conflict and institutionalized violence (the whole existence of Murderbot, for example, is a sign that the society that created them is a bit unhinged), but it likes to linger on the wholesome moments much more than on the dark ones. If you will, it is about finding beauty in unexpected places, about someone created with a specific purpose and no agency liberating themselves. So if that sounds enticing, definitely pick it up.
Oh I am completely in agreement with you all the points that you had made.
The title does seem to be a gore filled book series, but that happens like two or three times. Mostly because Murderbot really does not want it's interactions to end that way. In fact it's definition of the perfect relationship between itself and humans is that leave it alone and it leave them alone.
I would argue the existence of the Combat Units and robots in that universe is a lot better example of institutionalized violence because they are the ones that are truly dangerous, much more than the SecUnits, including rogue ones.
Yes, I didn't mean "because SecUnits are so dangerous", but rather that
Spoliers
we learn that while treated and sold as machines, they are actually cyborgs with a very human mind, enslaved with a punishment chip, which is both the ultimate form of slavery and invisibly so, making a lot of people who wouldn't stand for it unwittingly implicit.Ah okay.
The Three-Body Problem by Liu Cixin. It's the first book in a trilogy, also referred to as Three-Body, and I read all of them this year. They are translated from Chinese to English but the translation is excellent. The trilogy spans centuries and follows multiple characters through Earth's discovery of extraterrestrial life (and them discovering us) and the consequences that follow.
Agreed! I actually liked the second book, The Dark Forest, even better than TTBP. Waiting for the third book to be available from my library
I have just started the second book! I really liked the first one, blasted through the second half in just a couple of days. Excited to dive into the second and third books.
This year I finally stuck my nose in the Discworld series by Terry Pratchett with Sourcery. It’s been decades since I read some tongue in cheek fantasy and I’m glad I did. It was funny with substance thanks to characters who grew and rapid world building. If you don’t have time for a big series don’t worry. It begins and ends on its own.
Mine is easily East of Eden by John Steinbeck. My wife is reading it now and I’ve loved to hear her take on it.
Love this book so much.
I somehow completely missed all 8 books of The Expanse by James S. A. Corey (as well as the Amazon TV show that came later) until the ninth and final book was close to being released. Not only is it an amazing series of books with some of the best world-building I've ever seen, but I feel so incredibly lucky that I've been able to essentially binge-read my way through all of them, picking up the next as soon as I finish one. I'm working my way through the ninth book now, and I'm a little worried about how sad I'll be when it's over.
Highly recommend checking out the first book, Leviathan Wakes, if you haven't already!
Midnight in Chernobyl, by Adam Higginbotham. It's a well written book that doesn't shy away from technical details, gives some insight on the state of nuclear technology in pre-Chernobyl USSR, and delivers a balanced, humane overview of the tragedy without appealing to exaggerations or emotions.
All in all, a good follow up read (that I ironically read before this one) is Voices from Chernobyl, by Svetlana Alexievich, a nobel prize winning journalist that spares no effort to deliver the memoirs (naturally, not all of them are printed in full) of over 500 interviewees in what is a truly fascinating read.
Oh my gosh I loved this book! It was so chilling in how it told the story. Voices From Chernobyl is on my to-read list now, but I haven't felt in the right headspace to tackle it yet.
Cartel Incorporated - The Ballad of James Layne. Mostly because I wrote it 😁
It took me more than 20 years to get past all the internal bullshit and actually get it down on paper, then another two years of reaching out to agents and publishers who don't want to touch science fiction with a ten foot pole before I gave in and self-published. It's the story I wanted to read but could never find.
I love some good sci-fi, added it to my KU backlog.
That's awesome! Thank you so much!
I'm having a hard time choosing one. Lions of Al Rassan for fantasy, Remnant Population for science fiction, The Sympathizer for historical fiction. (trigger warning on the Sympathizer for those who care about such things) Edit Travels With Charley is the best travel narrative I have ever read and I read it this year. It makes Steinbeck seem convivial as well as insightful, definitely someone I would happily have a drink with.
Oh my gosh, I'm such a Guy Gavriel Kay fan! I've read most of his newer stuff (as well as a few of his older ones too), and actually have Lions of Al Rassan on my to-read list for this year.
The Lions of Al-Rassan is incredible, one of my favourite books of all time. It's Kay at his best, in my opinion.
The push and pull of emotions is incredible. I've never felt torn in so many different directions as I did reading Al-Rassan, but I loved every page of it.
I finally picked up Glen Cook's Dread Empire series after much recommendation, with the 3-book omnibus A Cruel Wind, and I'm just loving it. It's just as good as his Black Company series, and I'm super excited to read the rest.
I haven't read that one, but it reminds me a bit of Django Wexler's Shadow Campaigns books.
I'm not familiar with that beyond having heard the name before. I think my favorite thing about Cook's writing is that he doesn't waste your time. He tells a lot of story with a few well-placed sentences and his stories just move in a way that few others even try. If Wexler has the same style, I may check them out.
Most of my reading this year has actually been *re-*reading. I bought an e-reader last year, which has totally reinvigorated my love of reading. So, I've been buying a lot of old favourite print books as e-books and re-reading them as I go. There have been a few new books this year, but they've mostly been old favourites.
In that context, my favourite read of this year has been Mirabile by Janet Kagan, which I've read a few times before. I love this book! It's actually a collection of a series of short stories, each of which is a stand-alone stories, but which are also loosely connected by a narrative thread. It's a great series, with just the right combination of hard science, science-fiction, world-building, and grumpy old lady humour.
I adore Mirabile, but if you enjoyed that, you'll like Kagan's Hellspark just as much if not more. One of my favorite re-reads.
I already have 'Hellspark' on my to-read list. I added that and 'The Collected Kagan' to my list late last year, when I discovered that Kagan had written more than just 'Mirabile' and 'Uhura's Song' (because I went shopping for the e-book of 'Mirabile' and found those other e-books I didn't know about).
Unfortunately, I read 'The Collected Kagan' before getting to 'Hellspark' (because I like short-story collections), and that left me a bit disappointed. I know short story collections are going to be a hit-and-miss affair, but there were more misses than hits in that collection, so I decided not to move on to 'Hellspark' in case it was another miss.
It's still on my to-read list, and I'm sure I'll get to it some time... :)
The Lost Rainforest of Britian is a book about temperate forests in the the UK that have existed for thousands of years but until recently have been overlooked and under-protected. They are forest that exist due to the warm and wet weather that is brought in by the north alantic drift that allow these moss covered forests to exist. The UK until a few thousand years ago was covered in forest but have largly disappeared following the agricultral revolution and the use of land for grazing. Places like Dartmoor and Exmoor would be a wholly diffrent place if public grazing didn't stop woodlands from developing. The book does not advocate getting rid of farming communities by banning the grazing of land but instead argues that we should find a compromise by using public spaces more wisely and giving farmer insentives to help manage and protect new growth. It talks about how these woods can be used as carbon sinks and to help with water storage in local aquifers that will help the local communities stay protected in the coming years from drought and the overuse of the existing soil. The book does not present itself as a solve all solution but does argue that it can be part of the biggers solutions that the UK and the world will need to resolve in the coming decades.
The writing of the book is very nice with a good mix fof well researched and sourced studies as well as anecdotal observations and stories from the author and several people he meets while researching and writing the book.
My partner's sister spent several years working on efforts to protect and rewild Scottish rainforests. Have you read any of George Monbiot's books on the subject such as Feral?
I'm from Northern Ireland and the island is one of the most deforested places on the planet. The English really went to work cutting down trees, the British Empire and the Royal Navy left the island essentially barren.
This is what I've always liked about Monbiot's writing, he never tries to present some miraculous solution. He describes though the damage is already done and climate change is bleak, the efforts we can take such as fencing off land from grazing can have far greater and quicker results than possibly imagined.
One thing to note, forests like that don't act as carbon sinks. Back during the carboniferous period we had an explosion of plants using lignin and almost no fungi/bacteria that could break it down. That allowed plants and early trees to die without decomposition and form shale/coal etc.
When a tree dies in Britain today, it is rapidly broken down and its carbon is released into the atmosphere. The tree while alive is technically a carbon sink, but compared to coal/oil/gas reserves and co2 already emitted it is immaterial. Their ecological impact is massive and vital for the planet, acting as a temporary carbon sink is here nor there.
Thank you for the suggestion this was the first book of his I have read but it certainly won't be my last I've added Feral to my Play Books wishlist.
It is interesting what you where saying about tree not having bacteria and fungi to help break down forests must have been a maze of dead wood and plants walking along the forest floor proper must have been impossible to large creatures?
Do you have any further reading about this?
I have read a few books that discuss the carboniferous and several studies on lignin, its breakdown and the formation of shale/coal. But it has been several years and I don't have anything to hand. Feral does cover it.
More recently I have read about the importance of horizontal gene transfer in the rapid adoption of novel genes for things like lignin across the world. When lignin evolved, on evolutionary timescales its spread across widely unrelated species was rapid. There is no real definition of a tree, two trees that seem similar in appearance can be utterly unrelated to each other. Having gone through convergent evolution and horizontal gene transfer they end up looking the same.
It took tens of millions of years before fungi evolved the genes to break down lignin, but when it happened those genes also spread across the world rapidly.
When googling for this reply I came across https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S1674205222000491 seems fascinating, I've only started reading it. Horizontal gene transfer blows my mind.
From what I can remember, the forest floor was constantly being compacted by the huge weight of fallen trees, sinking it into the ground. If you combine that with the mulch from leaves and other organic matter then you are continuously creating a new forest floor. Ferns I assume would be everywhere.
Take into consideration it is lignin, not plant matter as a whole. Leaves, shrubs, moss etc. would still die and decompose. From what I can remember that period also had a far higher percentage of oxygen in the atmosphere. When lightning started a fire, the high oxygen and enormous quantities of fallen trees created stupendously impressive wild fires that make today's seem like children's campfire.
I really loved The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune. Would recommend.
It's got Terry Pratchett energy which is fun
Have you read anything by Mark Stay? He has a series for teen readers that's very Tiffany Aching series vibes
Ooooh, I'll have to check him out. Thanks for the rec
This book made me sad I don't have kids!
I don't want kids, but I'd adopt those kids XD
Bunny by Mona Awad. That book is a trip and a half, but super enjoyable and very well-written. I had trouble putting it down. It starts off like Mean Girls almost but then turns into something all it's own.
Mine is definitely How To Read A Poem by Edward Hirsch. It's got a title like a stocking stuffer from the impulse bin but it is genuinely one of the best books I've read in my life. Hirsch is accessible and welcoming. Without being too generalist or too technical, he structures the book as one neverending invitation to read and enjoy poetry, any poetry, and he ambles genially across such a spectrum of examples that there's something here for everyone. I've already given away two copies as gifts.
Thank you for mentioning How to Read a Poem. In light of that, you might enjoy Subjects in Poetry by Daniel Brown. It's an extended critical essay but it is a very straightforward non technical book to read and he mentions many many excellent poems to make his points. These poems are easily found online.
The Light Pirate by Lily Brooks-Dalton.
I kind stumbled upon it and thought I'd give it a shot. It's about climate change and collapse set in the future in Florida.
I was listening to the book and got it from the local library. The timing was interesting too, as the early start to Atlantic ocean storm naming started about a month earlier than it should. We had just a ton of rain during the time as well.
It made the book feel very .....front and center , and important.
Just the idea that collapse and climate change are becoming a normal topic in this way feels like a shift in the larger public understanding, I'm for that.
I'll be honest and say that I don't read as much as I'd like, I've only read like 3 books this year so far... podcasts take up most of my time I'd use for reading.
However, I have recently been reading a book that just came out, 50 Years of Text Games. As the name suggests, it's a book about text-based games dating back from the 70s to present. Each chapter focuses on an influential text-based game, complete with drawings of maps people created, snapshots of gameplay, and source code snippets. I hardly have any experience with actually playing text-based games but I've always found them really interesting. I might have to go play some of the ones that are mentioned in the book!
Can't wait to receive my physical copy, I've been reading the e-book version since the physical copies haven't quite shipped yet. Quite a lot of thought seems to have gone into the formatting of the e-book though, no complaints (although for a book like this I'd probably still prefer physical).
I think my favourite book this year so far has to be Waybound by Will Wight. It’s the 12th and final book in his Cradle series of martial arts fantasy novels, and despite coming out about a month ago, I can’t get the series out my head. I’ve been following it for a few years and now I’m just down because it’s over.
Have you read The Captain yet? I know its not the same as Cradle, but its still decent writing.
I personally liked The Captain even better: I feel like he's grown a lot as an author over the course of the Cradle series.
I would still recommend starting with Cradle to new readers just because the feeling of having a finished 12 book series in front of you is quite comforting these days.
Yep! I thought it was really fun, good start to a Will series. There’s a going theory that it’s set in Fathom, another iteration in sector 11, but I don’t know if it holds up tbh
Salvation Sequence by Peter F. Hamilton
Wikipedia blurb:
Cool worldbuilding, interesting characters, some timeline shenanigans, and possibly the most satisfying plot twist/reveal I've read. Hamilton is my favourite author, and he didn't disappoint this time either.
I love Peter F Hamilton's ultra libertarian wormhole technology futures. He's way too optimistic (yes, I know what that sounds like in response to a post about "Salvation") but he writes the best cool action thriller science fantasies. They'd make awesome multi-season TV shows, with a sufficient budget.
Red Rising series. I had been struggling to get the motivation to read over the last several years, but that series grabbed me like no other in recent memory. I burned through the released set and am anxiously awaiting the next book.
The Red Rising series is easily one of the best series of books I’ve read in years. Such an awesome story!
Mine's is definitely The Gone World by Tom Sweterlitsch. Always loved bleak detective murder stories, always loved nerdy sci-fi, and this book is an improbable though pretty much perfect blend of the two. And I really dig Sweterlitsch's understated writing style, reminded me a bit of Cormac McCarthy.
I've been reading Ken Liu's "Dandelion Dynasty" series, which starts with The Grace of Kings. I was looking for something a bit Game of Thrones-esque, and while this series (so far) hasn't quite been up to the mark, it's still been entertaining enough.
My supervisor recommended the series to me early on, but the further it went along the less she recommended it. I think I'm still going to give it a shot, but maybe not right away.
Yeah, I noticed a bit of a drop-off in quality between the first book and the second. Together with some pretty odd behavior changes for some characters, I'm nervous for the third book (which I just started).
Unfortunately I've only finished one book so far which was American Elsewhere. There were some parts where I was slightly bored but overall I enjoyed it and it was worth reading. Currently veeeery slowly reading Marquis de Sade's "Justine".
I've not read as much this year as I did last year, but a now very active one year old child is being blamed for that. However I went through a Stephen King phase end of last year and the first few months of this year and while I loved all of his books I read, Misery was my favourite.
Annie is just such a great villain, believable as a psychopathic shut-in and as I read the story and discovered more about her character I couldn't believe how much more evil she got. The story within the story of Misery is great as well and the gradual falling apart of the typewriter is a great metaphor for Paul's mental health and hope.
The hobbling scene as well...
I really enjoyed Sorrow and Bliss by Meg Mason. I probably wouldn't have picked it out from the description, but read it through my book club and I'm happy I did.
The book follows the life of Martha, a woman with an undisclosed mental illness, and her family. It's sad, it's laugh out loud funny, it's lovely really. I found the characters relatable and well written, and the writing style makes it a quick and enjoyable read.
Discipline Is Destiny: The Power of Self-Control (The Stoic Virtues Series) by Ryan Holiday. Each chapter is short, about 5-10 minutes long, about various modern-day or recently historical people in situations we remember from history. He uses his ability to tell these stories illustrates the Virtue of Temperance (which he makes the case is Discipline).
I have ADHD so the short chapters are appreciated. I read one a day. I've been learning about Stoicism for about 5 years now. Ryan isn't a Stoic academic, and he is criticized for not being what he isn't (which is weird as the critics claim to be Stoics themselves and they're not, either.).
I read a lot but tend to forget what I’ve read so usually my favourite of the year is whatever I’ve just finished.
The 3 books I finished in the past week were all brilliant (don’t you love when you have a reading run of no misses?!):
Who They Was - Gabriel Krause. An unflinching autobiographical account of street crime in London.
Gingerbread - Helen Oyeyemi. A whimsical tale about a girls life travelling from the (possibly magical) country of Druhàstrana to England.
Losing It - Moira Burke. A teenage girls life of drugs, parties and sex in 80s Melbourne, written in a very enthralling way (second person, past tense - extremely hard to do well).
The two that stand out the most for me so far are I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy and Remarkably Bright Creatures by Shelby Van Pelt. Funnily, quite opposite each other. One a dark humor memoir and the other a feel good novel.
The Light From Uncommon Stars has been my fiction win so far. I don't usually like the overused Faustian bargain trope, but that's handled gracefully as a structure for weaving together the characters' stories. Ryka Aoki's prose is achingly gorgeous, and she genuinely made a new, lovely story from old materials.
In non-fiction, Chris Miller's Chip War: The Fight For the World's Most Critical Technology was well-written and certainly more engaging than I expected. I'd thought I was familiar with most of the events already - Miller managed to make the history fresh. There is an evident pro-American nationalistic slant, but it's almost elegiac in its nostalgia for the era in which we were still inventing and making things.
Beyond Words: What Animals Think and Feel by Carl Safina
And
Violence of Mind by Varg Freeborn
The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships by Niel Strauss.
Read it at the absolute perfect time and could relate so fucking much it was scary. I read The Game many years ago to satisfy my curiosity and couldn't get through it. It was horrible. I now know it was horrible because I actually could relate in some way I just didn't know. Or didn't wanna admit it to myself. The Truth hit me like a freight train and his brutal honesty is so raw, scary and appealing to me I couldn't put it down. I've yearned for authenticity and admired honesty all my life and this book helped me get there...along with therapy and general personal growth through courses and conversations.
Just finished Edith Wharton's Age of Innocence. Finished reading right before I created my Tildes account, so my profile is named after one of the major characters. Absolutely beautiful book. Bone-dry sense of humor. Sarcastic in ways older American authors often aren't. Extremely detailed about a world long gone (19th century Manhattan high society). And with something utterly heartbreaking and sincere at the heart of it.
Highly recommend this book to Succession fans who want more high quality writing about mostly useless rich people. It's not the same thing in the slightest. But if that sort of thing could be called a genre, then this book would fit. Just don't read it lightly if you're over 40. The book's ending is absolutely gutting to those middle aged with regrets. I speak from experience.
Mine would have to be “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie. The simple rules laid out in the book along with stories and written illustrations of the rules put into practice make this a simple book to understand. As someone who works with people (like I’m sure many of us do unless you’re a zookeeper or something) a better understanding and mindset that this book teaches is so useful. Couldn’t recommend it enough to anybody.
I listened to the audiobook of "Midnight Riot", by Ben Aaronovitch - the first of the "Rivers of London" series, urban fantasy with a London constable as the protagonist. I really related to Peter's kind of sardonic outlook on life and police work, and appreciated his very level-headed reaction to discovering that magic was real - plus, the book offered a view of London that a lot of media really can't (or doesn't) convey to Americans well. Kobna Holdbrook-Smith was an outstanding choice of narrator - I will hold this performance up as an example of why I would never listen to an AI-narrated audiobook.
I very much enjoyed A Swim in a Pond in the Rain by George Saunders.
In this book, George shares a version of how he teaches a class on Russian short stories to his students. He looks at why a story works (or doesn't), and the craft that goes in to creating a powerful short story. There are 7 stories included in the book (Chekhov, Tolstoy, Turgenev, and Gogol), with matching sections discussing the stories. Very entertaining and thought provoking. This isn't the type of book that I would normally pick up, but I am glad that I did.
Finally got around to finishing the (published as of now) Southern Reach series by Jack Vandermeer. I'd loved Annihilation since someone passed it to me in the book club in grad school, but never read any of the others. They're so good! I can't wait for the fourth one!
Another good one for this year has been Project Hail Mary by Andy Weir. If you liked The Martian, or hard sci-fi in general, give it a go. It's fun.
I've been trying to read more non-fiction and one of the best books I may have ever read was my Spring read (I'm a slow reader okay!). The Body Keeps the Score by Dr Bessel Van Der Kolk. To become more trauma-informed is an excellent reason to read this book but you may find out a lot more about your own life experiences than you expect. If anyone has recommendations for more well-written and educative books like this please hit me up. I'm loving neurodivergence, trauma, etc right now.