The best piece of advice is to remember that it's your wedding. There's pressure from all corners to do certain things. Planners tell you you need certain things or the wedding will suck; your...
The best piece of advice is to remember that it's your wedding. There's pressure from all corners to do certain things. Planners tell you you need certain things or the wedding will suck; your parents want to add people to the list, your in-laws want you to change the menu. Remember that it's your wedding - don't feel compelled to bend on that stuff.
My wife would tell you to make sure you don't scrimp on the photographer.
Yup. This is honestly the best advice here. Wife and I got married in 2019 and EVERYONE told us we were doing it wrong and needed x, y and z... and all these people to come. We just went and had...
The best piece of advice is to remember that it's your wedding.
Yup. This is honestly the best advice here.
Wife and I got married in 2019 and EVERYONE told us we were doing it wrong and needed x, y and z... and all these people to come. We just went and had an 'us' ceremony, no friends or family and a party later in the week.
We spent a week in a gorgeous stately home in the North of England and then spent a week going and seeing cool shit. We were happy as you could be.
Lots of people complained they didn't see our big day, I didn't really care. It was for us, no-one else.
Not in the slightest. A lot of friends have become distance since the Pandemic, but I also dropped a lot of my family over the same period when they decided that being angry at me for things long...
Not in the slightest. A lot of friends have become distance since the Pandemic, but I also dropped a lot of my family over the same period when they decided that being angry at me for things long in past was more important that a continued relationship.
My wife is what's important and I've got friends who've stuck by me through thick and thin by my side.
Yes! Forget what everyone else wants. A wedding is what you want it to be. For some people it's an elaborate ceremony that can be as expensive as a down payment on a home, and for others it's just...
Yes! Forget what everyone else wants. A wedding is what you want it to be. For some people it's an elaborate ceremony that can be as expensive as a down payment on a home, and for others it's just signing a legal document. Do the things that are important to you and your future spouse, and maybe throw in some consideration for what your families want.
Doubling down on this already good advice. It's your wedding, and while it is also a communal declaration of your union in front of friends and relatives, make sure that it remains yours. That...
Doubling down on this already good advice.
It's your wedding, and while it is also a communal declaration of your union in front of friends and relatives, make sure that it remains yours.
That means adding in the little sentimental things that only you and your partner will really understand the significance of, as well as keeping a watchful eye to make sure it doesn't become orchestrated by well-meaning but overly-enthusiastic family members.
Don't be afraid to add in the things you feel you need. My partner and I 'escaped' for an hour or so after the ceremony and before the reception. We just went and parked on a hillside and looked at the view and enjoyed the sensation of being wed. And then we went on to the reception.
I remember that one golden hour more clearly than I do the reception, TBH.
Best advice I got going into my wedding: focus on your significant other as much as possible. Everyone will be trying to steal your attention (for lack of a better phrase), but the day is about...
Best advice I got going into my wedding: focus on your significant other as much as possible. Everyone will be trying to steal your attention (for lack of a better phrase), but the day is about you and your significant other. It'll go by really fast so you gotta make it count.
Best advice I can offer looking back at my wedding: make certain you have someone who will run the show and call the "tough shots" during the wedding. We hired an event planner who was afraid to give orders to people and ended up wasting a ton of time because nobody could wrangle up the group for photos. One of the groomsmen ended up taking over the "chain of command" and got everyone where they needed to be.
Focus on the two most important people there and let everything else fall into place.
You're right and I misspoke. We hired a day-of coordinator who lacked one of the most crucial skills required for the job, which was not being afraid to tell people what to do.
You're right and I misspoke. We hired a day-of coordinator who lacked one of the most crucial skills required for the job, which was not being afraid to tell people what to do.
Stay flexible and don’t sweat the small stuff! Things might go wrong on the day, but your attitude defines whether it ruins the day or not - the day isn’t about a dress or the flowers or the food...
Stay flexible and don’t sweat the small stuff! Things might go wrong on the day, but your attitude defines whether it ruins the day or not - the day isn’t about a dress or the flowers or the food or the weather, it’s about your love for each other. If you keep that in mind, any disasters can be laughed off!
For allocating budget, think about what you remember about other weddings. Did the number and type of flowers make a difference to your enjoyment? Did the brides dress? Did the band? For us, music was more important than anything, so we spent a lot there and much less everywhere else.
Don’t be afraid to do things the way you want to rather than the traditional way. We didn’t have fresh flowers anywhere (my bouquet was made of felt flowers, so I still have it), we didn’t do speeches (they cause a lot of stress in our circles! No one like public speaking), we didn’t have a long ceremony (only the basics to make it legal) and we didn’t have a first dance (too shy). We skipped a lot of the traditional stuff and just had a brilliant party, it was great!
Sure. There was a band my husband had seen that he really wanted so we emailed them and they charged $2000. At first we said thanks but no thanks, out of our budget. But then we started thinking...
Sure. There was a band my husband had seen that he really wanted so we emailed them and they charged $2000. At first we said thanks but no thanks, out of our budget.
But then we started thinking about what makes a good wedding, and more specifically what makes a good party (we were both more bothered about the party part than the ceremony. Once the deed was done we skipped all the other weddingy stuff!) We agreed that we’d always had the best time when we really enjoyed the music, so we changed our minds and hired the band.
What hasn’t ever made a party better for us is decoration. So: we skipped any flowers except the bouquets and boutonnières (which we did in felt so that we could buy them cheaper and earlier, and they would last); we didn’t have any table decorations; our cake was entirely made of cheese, so for a late night snack we just bought loads of crackers and chutneys to have with it; we skipped having a bartender and let people serve themselves from bottles we bought. We put up our own tent on my in laws farm, which cost about the same as having it in a venue but gave us a bit more flexibility with what we wanted to pay or not pay for (though it was also A LOT more work!)
It was a mix, although we didn’t know at the time we booked what they’d do. They had a vibe we liked and a style that we thought would be liked (or at least not hated) by everyone coming from the...
It was a mix, although we didn’t know at the time we booked what they’d do. They had a vibe we liked and a style that we thought would be liked (or at least not hated) by everyone coming from the oldies down to the kids.
We did also have a friend come and dj after the band finished so we could party late into the night, but a playlist would have been fine too, I think
I do like the look of flowers but I could not fathom spending so much on something that would be dead within a week! The felt flowers came from Global Goods Partners, made by women in I think...
I do like the look of flowers but I could not fathom spending so much on something that would be dead within a week!
The felt flowers came from Global Goods Partners, made by women in I think Nepal who might not have an opportunity to work and are paid fairly, so our flowers also did some good for the world which I loved!
Treat it like an a la carte menu and only include aspects you and your spouse care about. Don't disregard your spouses preferences, but don't feel forced to do things the 'right' way. There are...
Treat it like an a la carte menu and only include aspects you and your spouse care about. Don't disregard your spouses preferences, but don't feel forced to do things the 'right' way. There are creative ways to reduce expenses if you are thoughtful/careful about it, but don't trade away the parts you care about.
Cake tasting is fun. I chose a dress I liked with sleeves, in a year when almost every wedding dress was strapless. Everyone said I looked beautiful.
Make sure you don't ask bridesmaids/groomsmen to spend amounts of money they aren't comfortable with. Friendship is more important than a cool experience one day.
I have heard horror stories about wedding guests being coerced into doing setup or take down work. We chose a venue where the caterer handled seating and decorations, but whatever you do, make sure that anyone who does work has either agreed ahead of time or is an enthusiastic volunteer.
To reduce expences, you might be able to find a friend/loved one/contact with a large back yard who will agree to host. You might be able to just buy flowers and arrange them yourselves rather...
To reduce expences, you might be able to find a friend/loved one/contact with a large back yard who will agree to host. You might be able to just buy flowers and arrange them yourselves rather than buying bouquets, or have a friend or family member do it. You might have the meal be a picnic, or have the reception be an afternoon gathering that is just snacks/hors d'oevres. You can limit booze to just wine/beer, or only fund a few drinks per person before they have to pay themself. It's up to your creativity and your or your friends and families resourcefulness and interest in self help rather than professional options. Music can be a friend acting as dj or a playlist on a laptop. Some people find a source for homemade cake.
I would 100 percent not use an amateur photographer. Edit also photographers are correct when they say that their wedding package is substantially different than shooting photos for a generic party.
I also agree with the forget what everyone else wants. It's your money and your priorities. My wedding was about $2000 and that included the Hall rental and dress. And it was casual -- on our...
I also agree with the forget what everyone else wants. It's your money and your priorities. My wedding was about $2000 and that included the Hall rental and dress. And it was casual -- on our wedding invitations the dress code was 'don't attend naked'.
My advice -- some of which may apply to those of you wanting to spend 20K instead of 2K:
Focus more on experiences than decor/etc. Does it really matter if the flowers aren't the exact same shade as the table cloths?
Have a disposable camera (do these still exist?) on each table for guests to take candid shots. And have a dedicated video camera or cellphone for guests to record videos. The images plus videos of funny stories and well-wishes were meaningful and hilarious.
While everyone can (and may) use their phones,having something dedicated can signal 'permission' to others to feel comfortable going up to strangers and asking about a funny story/etc.
Delegate to opinionated family members -- e.g., let them put their money (and time) where their mouth is.
Don't force bridesmaids to all buy and wear the same dress and style. We gave them a colour and the world didn't end when they didn't wear the exact same shade or style (and they appreciated not having to spend a lot on something they might not like and/or never wear again).
Keep ceremonies/speeches short as long ones are boring for guests. We also wrote our own short vows which added some meaning and humour.
Limit how many staged/posed photos will be taken as it's boring for guests to spend an hour (or more) waiting for their turn to get positioned and photographed. Plus the smiles tend to look fake anyway.
Try hard to delegate and relax and be in the moment. Even with trying...it may all still end up a blur.
My advice would be to enjoy the mistakes and errors. They are the things you'll remember most. Things will go wrong, you'll laugh about later. We also did the bridesmaid dress thing. It was a...
My advice would be to enjoy the mistakes and errors. They are the things you'll remember most. Things will go wrong, you'll laugh about later.
We also did the bridesmaid dress thing. It was a black dress and we gave them a ribbon which brought it together and made them look like a team. But they really appreciated being able to buy a dress that fit them well and they could wear more than once.
For photos, you can create any number of online storage places for them. But if there are kids, give them a digital camera to get shots from their perspective (pawn shops are a good place to buy em cheap that work properly). What I would say is to turn the camera around. Take pictures of your guests taking pictures of you. It's fun to see that. Take pictures of them because they are your friends :)
Oh and as for money and budget, there are some things you will splurge on. Do it. We spent more money on candy than wedding dress and suit (combined) and I wouldn't want it any differently. It was...
Oh and as for money and budget, there are some things you will splurge on. Do it. We spent more money on candy than wedding dress and suit (combined) and I wouldn't want it any differently. It was the only time in our lives we could justify spending that on candy, it made a great bomboniere, as people filled their own jars, and the kids loved it. When my wife asked about spending that much on candy I originally said no, but then realized that we were budget conscious on everything else, so why not go a bit crazy on one of the small things she wants.
Nice ideas -- I forgot how much I enjoy the photos my child took (not wedding related in this case) and seeing the world through their eyes. I recall there were lots of photos of candy and the...
Nice ideas -- I forgot how much I enjoy the photos my child took (not wedding related in this case) and seeing the world through their eyes. I recall there were lots of photos of candy and the pets. :D
I also forgot to say -- small bubbles bottles with wands at each table after the meal even if there are no kids attending.
Man, I have my big day coming up in a alittle over a year. All I feel is dread in planning this event and required monetary spend. I understand the value of it and my partner is excited for a...
Man, I have my big day coming up in a alittle over a year.
All I feel is dread in planning this event and required monetary spend. I understand the value of it and my partner is excited for a wedding, but I just can’t see past the other issues.
Sorry for being a little off topic, just wanted to add a perspective.
Start your planning as early as possible. You'll find that everything suddenly becomes more expensive just because it has "wedding" attached to it, so it helps to be as early as possible in...
Start your planning as early as possible. You'll find that everything suddenly becomes more expensive just because it has "wedding" attached to it, so it helps to be as early as possible in regards to venues, catering, flower arrangements, etc.
It's important to remember that it's all about you and your partner, and don't be pressured by family members or friends to do something you don't want to just to appease them.
Won't wedding-related things be expensive anyway? I figure the extra lead time works for securing a date with a venue.
Start your planning as early as possible. You'll find that everything suddenly becomes more expensive just because it has "wedding" attached to it, so it helps to be as early as possible in regards to venues, catering, flower arrangements, etc.
Won't wedding-related things be expensive anyway? I figure the extra lead time works for securing a date with a venue.
You're right, but taking floral arrangements as an example, you can easily find yourself paying double if the florist knows that it's being done for a wedding. You can simultaneously argue that...
You're right, but taking floral arrangements as an example, you can easily find yourself paying double if the florist knows that it's being done for a wedding.
You can simultaneously argue that you'll receive a better product for the extra price, but I'm not sure I fully believe that.
In that situation, does the florist need to know it's for a wedding? I wonder how one could get around these predatory price hikes.
You're right, but taking floral arrangements as an example, you can easily find yourself paying double if the florist knows that it's being done for a wedding.
In that situation, does the florist need to know it's for a wedding? I wonder how one could get around these predatory price hikes.
I've seen florists complain that what they provide for other events is not the same as what they provide for a wedding, but if you and spouse are ok with that, just don't tell them.
I've seen florists complain that what they provide for other events is not the same as what they provide for a wedding, but if you and spouse are ok with that, just don't tell them.
Yes, exactly. Someone orders flowers for a party and it turns out to be for a wedding. I'm not a florist, so I don't know if they actually provide different service to go with the wedding tax...
Yes, exactly. Someone orders flowers for a party and it turns out to be for a wedding. I'm not a florist, so I don't know if they actually provide different service to go with the wedding tax prices. Photographers on the other hand absolutely do different work and more work for weddings. Also they are providing service on the day. If you lie to them to get a cheaper rate, they can legitimately walk out leaving you with nothing.
I tend to find that weddings go on for too long. They generally start at lunch time here and end well after midnight. So we had ours at 4pm which gave us and everyone else loads of time to...
I tend to find that weddings go on for too long. They generally start at lunch time here and end well after midnight. So we had ours at 4pm which gave us and everyone else loads of time to prepare.
We had the ceremony at the wedding venue itself and that allowed us to have the meal very shortly after in nice weather because of the time of year that we chose. We left at 12:30 to get the bus for our honeymoon and guests still say it was a memorable wedding (for the right reasons).
My husband came up with an idea that we used for our wedding that continues to be remembered and get praise to this day. We've even been to other weddings where people we know have implemented the...
My husband came up with an idea that we used for our wedding that continues to be remembered and get praise to this day. We've even been to other weddings where people we know have implemented the idea for themselves!
He suggested that, in lieu of party favors (which tend to be both expensive and a bit kitschy), we allow each person to choose a charitable cause that we will support on their behalf. The way we implemented it was that we gave each seat at the reception a token, and we had some jars set up near the bar, each labeled with a different charity. We specifically chose smaller, more local operations that were close to our hearts.
There were table tents on each table explaining what the tokens were for, and that each token was worth an $X dollar donation that we would be giving on their behalf.
Throughout the evening, guests went up to the jars, evaluated the different charities, and deposited their tokens in the jars they chose. We designated a person who, at the end of the evening, counted the number of tokens for each charity and reported the numbers to us. After our honeymoon, we made donations to each charity proportional to the tokens each received. It felt way better to donate to those causes than buy some party favors that are going to end up tossed in a drawer or thrown away. It also felt nice to, in a big event with a lot of spending that was focused on us, spend some money that was focused deliberately on others.
I can't tell you how many people told me and my husband that they loved the idea during the actual ceremony itself -- to say nothing of the people who still remember it fondly years later! I also know now how it feels from the other side, having been to two other weddings as a guest for people who lovingly stole our idea. One of them we went to took place shortly after Russia invaded Ukraine, so one of the jars set up was for a relief fund specifically for Ukrainians. It was genuinely moving to see that the jar was nearly overflowing.
Anyway, I throw out this suggestion both because I think it's a great idea and also because I think it falls under the umbrella of the general advice I'd give about a good wedding: don't do something simply because you're expected to do it because "that's how weddings are". Feel free to take a tradition and tweak it into something more interesting, original, or suited to you and your partner. My husband looked at the expectation of wedding favors and changed it to better suit what we wanted and felt was important, and it ended up being way more meaningful for everyone than if we'd just gone with what was expected instead.
I've been to many many weddings (including my own), and have been a groomsman or bridesman in over a dozen. In my experience, with few exceptions, weddings only very peripherally involve the...
I've been to many many weddings (including my own), and have been a groomsman or bridesman in over a dozen. In my experience, with few exceptions, weddings only very peripherally involve the actual bride and groom -- in most cases weddings are all about the bride's mother. Unless she is out of the picture or otherwise just not that interested for whatever reason, for all practical purposes this has been true regardless of the bride or groom's stated desires or intentions. Recognizing that and coming to terms with it (one way or another) will significantly reduce the stress and misery you might otherwise incur.
Besides that, there's some good advice in that other comment thread: don't get hung up on it being "the perfect day," no one's going remember the details (except that time your belligerent drunk uncle takes a swing at one of the groomsmen and ends up puking in the bushes), they're mostly just going to remember if they had a good time; and be prepared for the "wedding tax" where the cost of mundane things is hyper-inflated b/c it's for your "special day" -- you can avoid that in some cases, but it won't be totally avoidable; and plan/make reservations far in advance, and be prepared for something to go sideways at the last minute (don't freak out, you'll just have to roll with it).
and be prepared for the "wedding tax" where the cost of mundane things is hyper-inflated b/c it's for your "special day" -- you can avoid that in some cases, but it won't be totally avoidable
Pairs of shoppers called the same photographers, florists, caterers, and other party vendors at least a week apart and got comparative estimates for a wedding and a 50th anniversary party that were identical in every other respect. (We told photographers, for instance, that we needed their services only during the reception.) In more than a quarter of cases—28 percent—vendors quoted us prices that were higher for the wedding than for the anniversary party. That kind of wedding surcharge played out more in some areas than in others.
Edit to add another quote.
We also uncovered built-in wedding-based gratuities of up to 26 percent and found an eye-popping $7 per-person cake-cutting fee buried in some caterers' fine print. The Westin St. Louis, for instance, levies a 24 percent taxable service charge and a 5 percent taxable event fee. Add on the 10.179 percent sales tax that's applicable to any party, and an $18,000 wedding reception becomes a $25,584 affair, an increase of 42 percent.
Best piece of advice I can give is pizza buffet, with salads, sides, etc. It was cheap for us and all the guests loved it, it ended up being way better than having some generic catered food.
Best piece of advice I can give is pizza buffet, with salads, sides, etc.
It was cheap for us and all the guests loved it, it ended up being way better than having some generic catered food.
Scale. If you are happy to attend and not stressed out, that's a good indicator that you've delegated well. If you're stressed out it means you need to either step way back, or hire more people....
Scale. If you are happy to attend and not stressed out, that's a good indicator that you've delegated well. If you're stressed out it means you need to either step way back, or hire more people. If you don't want to spend more time hiring people scale it way back.
These are my recommendations for a easy to survive European wedding: Agree with your SO on what you two expect from the wedding. Hold the line against your parents together. Your biggest worry,...
These are my recommendations for a fun easy to survive European wedding:
Agree with your SO on what you two expect from the wedding. Hold the line against your parents together.
Your biggest worry, the make-or-break of the wedding, should be the plan for the festivities held. Try to remember or invent as many fun games for everyone to be able to partake in as possible. There should not be over 30 minutes between different activities like eating, drinking or a game up until 21:00 when the dance floor stays open indefinitely and people are drunk enough to be able to chat with just about anybody.
Seriously, just plan enough stuff to do. Taking photos. Food. Toast. Shoe game. Toast. Photos from childhood with witty comments from your siblings. Toast. Cake. Raffle call. Telling your partner blindfolded by touch. Toast. First dance. Toast. Raffle call. Some kind of group dance. Toast. Raffle results. And so on. You get the idea.
Don't hesitate to make the wedding topical. Dress up in the regency era costumes, paint yourself in war colors and shoot each other in a paintball or laser tag tournament, organize it by a pool with swimming, diving and polo competitions. Force guests to hike up a nearby hill (except for elderly, obviously) so that have something to complain about to each other. Anything to make it more interesting goes.
Designate your siblings or friends to help you organize. They will need to herd the people, announce events and sometimes drive around.
As for the ceremony, the most important people are not you two. You are not holding the wedding for your benefit. You are holding it to announce that from now on, you two are together. And you are announcing it to your grandmas. They are the #1a and #1b guests. They have the best places, closest to you, so that they can hear the person performing the wedding ceremony loud and clear. Next come your parents, because that's expected and they should be close to the grandparents to cry together. Leave the rest of the seating order up to the guests. Ideally keep 1/3 to 2/3 of the guests standing or seat everyone so that nobody feels underprivileged. At the absolute minimum, grandmas and mothers sit. They are the guest of honor and everyone should know that. If required, assign grandma shifts (1h at most) to family members.
Food and alcohol. Make sure to provide plenty protein for everybody. Determine your guests dietary requirements beforehand and accommodate them. If there are not enough desserts, side dishes etc., people will just fall back to protein and non-alcoholic, carbonated, sugary drinks to keep them going. As for the alcohol, the higher (perceived) quality of drinks, the lower chance of drunk people vomiting all around the place. The moment your uncle brings in his "home made" moonshine, people will turn into animals. Make sure not to allow that before 20:00 so that you have enough time to excuse yourself and go enjoy your wedding night. That's acceptable at about 22:00.
Pool music ideas beforehand and designate a DJ. Make sure to provide a laptop with the music player and Firefox + μBlock Origin connected to the speakers for guests to play whatever they want past 21:00. Or later if you have a band.
Everyone has put some excellent advice here so I'll chip in with my go to small/funny advice. Let your maid of honour/best man know of family members/guests you don't want to talk to for too long...
Everyone has put some excellent advice here so I'll chip in with my go to small/funny advice.
Let your maid of honour/best man know of family members/guests you don't want to talk to for too long so they can rescue you from the conversation. Did that at my wedding and my best man was an absolute hero. He'd just apologise to the family member and say "oh CosmicCrisp you're needed for [made up thing]" and I was able to sneak away.
Just for a different perspective to a lot of the comments here, I come from a Greek background and a wedding is a very important "community event" for lack of a better term - It wasn't just about...
Just for a different perspective to a lot of the comments here, I come from a Greek background and a wedding is a very important "community event" for lack of a better term - It wasn't just about me and my partner, but about our families and friends all coming together from near and far to celebrate together. While we definitely did things our way, we did also compromise on some things to make it a better "family" event for both sides, and in the end as long as you compromise on things that you're not super passionate about and that aren't going to hurt you financially/detract from other areas, you can make the wedding a more fun and meaningful event for everyone attending
Have the wedding you want and can afford, but no more than that. Maybe it's less valuable advice because my partner and I are still in the middle of planning for next year. When all is said and...
Have the wedding you want and can afford, but no more than that. Maybe it's less valuable advice because my partner and I are still in the middle of planning for next year. When all is said and done it will probably end up costing around the £25k - 30k mark, including the honeymoon. It sounds ridiculous for one day (and a holiday after) but the venue and catering for larger numbers of people add up fast - this is the approximate figure with me doing my own hair and makeup and baking my own cake! If you want a cheaper wedding then definitely keep the guest list under 80, or even 60 people.
Statistically that kind of expense puts us in the disaster zone but we're very open with each other about finances. We have a massive budgeting spreadsheet for this and we look at different ways to trim things down. On that note, I strongly recommend becoming a data head and tracking dates/ expenses like this! We're also lucky to be in a position where we're getting some generous contributions from parents and the remaining balance won't put us in jeopardy. There are never, ever any arguments about money and I think that makes a big difference.
My other tip is figure out entertainment that's not dancing. We'll have a quiet area with an assortment of board games and set up a different area for some DDR (I hate real dancing but arcade videogame dancing is great!).
Maybe I'll feel differently about this advice once the big day is done, but I'll let you know if that's the case!
Three things that I learned from our wedding day. Don't be afraid to delegate. You and your spouse should be enjoying the day and each other as much as possible, so don't worry about doing little...
Three things that I learned from our wedding day.
Don't be afraid to delegate. You and your spouse should be enjoying the day and each other as much as possible, so don't worry about doing little stuff yourself. We needed our car moved between wedding and reception, so we asked a good friend to do it. SIL and mothers set up the centerpieces at the reception. FIL was in charge of directing people in the reception venue. If you have an event planner, they should handle this, but if it's more DIY, just ask for help.
Hire a professional photographer. I've had a few friends use an acquaintance or someone "just starting out" and they were very disappointed with their pictures. We hired a pro and have some wonderful photos that we often look back at. It was our biggest expense after the venue/food but totally worth it.
Enjoy the process. Hopefully, you only plan one wedding, so make sure to enjoy all the little things leading up. I'm one to always rush to get things finished and focus on the end result. But I really made an effort to slow down and enjoy the planning process. I have fond memories of choosing tie colors, picking invitations, listening to first dance songs, etc. To quote Dawes, "it's not some stupid little ring, I'm getting a little bit of everything".
This answer won’t work for everyone but it worked for us: we eloped! We started planning a traditional wedding, realized it was more work and money than we wanted to deal with, and had a vacation...
This answer won’t work for everyone but it worked for us: we eloped! We started planning a traditional wedding, realized it was more work and money than we wanted to deal with, and had a vacation planned already anyway so we decided to book a officiant and bought a plane ticket for our wedding photographer/witness and made an adventure of it. We sent out mass announcement postcards with the secret insta handle we made with all our wedding and vacation pics to our friends and family that were expecting invitations and surprised everyone.
My experience has been that there's an inverse correlation between the amount spent on the wedding and the duration (and happiness) of the marriage. Correlation isn't causation, though. I think...
My experience has been that there's an inverse correlation between the amount spent on the wedding and the duration (and happiness) of the marriage.
Correlation isn't causation, though. I think that the folks that let themselves be happy with a simple wedding are more likely to be forgiving with each other later in life.
The weddings I've most enjoyed are the ones that don't stand on ceremony, when people can laugh when things don't go to plan. A guest list shouldn't ever grow so large that anyone is there out of obligation. If grandma can tell a dirty joke that makes one of the groomsmen blush, you're doing it right.
One thing I see missing from the advice here, but wish I'd have had, was to have more time around the wedding. I got married on a Saturday. I took off the Friday for the rehearsal dinner, got...
One thing I see missing from the advice here, but wish I'd have had, was to have more time around the wedding.
I got married on a Saturday. I took off the Friday for the rehearsal dinner, got married Saturday, had a brunch on Sunday at my in-laws house, then we left that afternoon to start a 20-hour drive home, then we flew out on a Tuesday to Europe from the US. We landed in Europe and my wife had these recurring nightmares about her mother. The wedding was the last time we saw her mother before she died suddenly two months later. What I would give to have spent another evening with our families after the wedding...
My wedding was during covid, so it was the first time most of my family had gathered in 1-2 years. Our friends traveled from across the country to see us. In the end, it almost felt like a blur. Take the time for yourself, with your family, and with your partner in the days leading up and after the wedding.
Aside from taking time for yourself, there are a few things I would recommend to anyone getting married.
Determine what aspects of the wedding really matter to you and voice your opinion. My wife had preferences for lots things, and I was happy to let her have the final say. But, I had strong opinions on things like music programming and that's the part of the day that I remember. The wedding is for both partners, so it's good to make part of it yours.
Be aware of what's going on. A lot of wedding details mattered more to my wife than to me during the planning phase. But, on the actual wedding day, I was the point of contact for everything. Wrong bow-tie color? Late flowers? Questions about table settings? I had those answers. It was important to me that she could just relax with her wedding party all day while I made sure things shaped up.
Find a venue that does as much of the labor as possible. Set-up/tear-down, food service, alcohol, tables/chairs, silverware, etc. are all a lot to wrangle by yourself. We found a very nice venue at a golf club (of all places) that was $750 for 3 hours with waitstaff/tables/chairs/PA (speakers + mic)/alcohol/food + a day-of-coordinator. We did a 65-person seated dinner and didn't have to worry about any coordination. Food/drink were on-top-of the $750, but that was a reasonable place to start for us.
Expect your family to have a lot of unsolicited input. We compiled a list of wedding traditions and made it clear what wasn't on the table, then reviewed it with our family. This helped to find areas of commonality about what traditions were important to each party. I see a lot of advice that your wedding is ultimately for you. Ultimately, I think that is really going to be case-by-case. I have a large extended family and my parents are fairly religious/conservative. It's naive to think there aren't expectations about the wedding that need to be addressed. We found lots of compromises and everyone was happy.
Don't sweat each person having the same sized wedding party. Comprise your wedding party of people you trust and can confide in, and don't just fill it up to have symmetric photos. You will probably end up needing someone in the wedding party to do something last-minute, and it helps that they are reliable.
Keep the wedding short (and appropriate for the crowd). We had our ceremony from 6pm-9:15pm and planned to have an after-party with our friends. Our older family was able to stay through the cake cutting and not miss anything, while the younger crowd/our friends partied until we left the venue and reconvened. This helped avoid guests getting too drunk during the reception, thus preventing unfortunate/embarrassing moments.
The best piece of advice is to remember that it's your wedding. There's pressure from all corners to do certain things. Planners tell you you need certain things or the wedding will suck; your parents want to add people to the list, your in-laws want you to change the menu. Remember that it's your wedding - don't feel compelled to bend on that stuff.
My wife would tell you to make sure you don't scrimp on the photographer.
Yup. This is honestly the best advice here.
Wife and I got married in 2019 and EVERYONE told us we were doing it wrong and needed x, y and z... and all these people to come. We just went and had an 'us' ceremony, no friends or family and a party later in the week.
We spent a week in a gorgeous stately home in the North of England and then spent a week going and seeing cool shit. We were happy as you could be.
Lots of people complained they didn't see our big day, I didn't really care. It was for us, no-one else.
Are you concerned this might've cause some long-time resentment among friends and relatives?
Not in the slightest. A lot of friends have become distance since the Pandemic, but I also dropped a lot of my family over the same period when they decided that being angry at me for things long in past was more important that a continued relationship.
My wife is what's important and I've got friends who've stuck by me through thick and thin by my side.
Yes! Forget what everyone else wants. A wedding is what you want it to be. For some people it's an elaborate ceremony that can be as expensive as a down payment on a home, and for others it's just signing a legal document. Do the things that are important to you and your future spouse, and maybe throw in some consideration for what your families want.
Doubling down on this already good advice.
It's your wedding, and while it is also a communal declaration of your union in front of friends and relatives, make sure that it remains yours.
That means adding in the little sentimental things that only you and your partner will really understand the significance of, as well as keeping a watchful eye to make sure it doesn't become orchestrated by well-meaning but overly-enthusiastic family members.
Don't be afraid to add in the things you feel you need. My partner and I 'escaped' for an hour or so after the ceremony and before the reception. We just went and parked on a hillside and looked at the view and enjoyed the sensation of being wed. And then we went on to the reception.
I remember that one golden hour more clearly than I do the reception, TBH.
What's the best way to contain this?
Best advice I got going into my wedding: focus on your significant other as much as possible. Everyone will be trying to steal your attention (for lack of a better phrase), but the day is about you and your significant other. It'll go by really fast so you gotta make it count.
Best advice I can offer looking back at my wedding: make certain you have someone who will run the show and call the "tough shots" during the wedding. We hired an event planner who was afraid to give orders to people and ended up wasting a ton of time because nobody could wrangle up the group for photos. One of the groomsmen ended up taking over the "chain of command" and got everyone where they needed to be.
Focus on the two most important people there and let everything else fall into place.
I've heard these people are called day-of coordinators. They seem different from an event planner.
You're right and I misspoke. We hired a day-of coordinator who lacked one of the most crucial skills required for the job, which was not being afraid to tell people what to do.
Crazy. Best thing would be to find a day-of coordinator whose got that "dog" in him or her.
Stay flexible and don’t sweat the small stuff! Things might go wrong on the day, but your attitude defines whether it ruins the day or not - the day isn’t about a dress or the flowers or the food or the weather, it’s about your love for each other. If you keep that in mind, any disasters can be laughed off!
For allocating budget, think about what you remember about other weddings. Did the number and type of flowers make a difference to your enjoyment? Did the brides dress? Did the band? For us, music was more important than anything, so we spent a lot there and much less everywhere else.
Don’t be afraid to do things the way you want to rather than the traditional way. We didn’t have fresh flowers anywhere (my bouquet was made of felt flowers, so I still have it), we didn’t do speeches (they cause a lot of stress in our circles! No one like public speaking), we didn’t have a long ceremony (only the basics to make it legal) and we didn’t have a first dance (too shy). We skipped a lot of the traditional stuff and just had a brilliant party, it was great!
Can you share your experience doing this?
Sure. There was a band my husband had seen that he really wanted so we emailed them and they charged $2000. At first we said thanks but no thanks, out of our budget.
But then we started thinking about what makes a good wedding, and more specifically what makes a good party (we were both more bothered about the party part than the ceremony. Once the deed was done we skipped all the other weddingy stuff!) We agreed that we’d always had the best time when we really enjoyed the music, so we changed our minds and hired the band.
What hasn’t ever made a party better for us is decoration. So: we skipped any flowers except the bouquets and boutonnières (which we did in felt so that we could buy them cheaper and earlier, and they would last); we didn’t have any table decorations; our cake was entirely made of cheese, so for a late night snack we just bought loads of crackers and chutneys to have with it; we skipped having a bartender and let people serve themselves from bottles we bought. We put up our own tent on my in laws farm, which cost about the same as having it in a venue but gave us a bit more flexibility with what we wanted to pay or not pay for (though it was also A LOT more work!)
Thanks for the insight. Did the band perform covers, original material, or a mix?
It was a mix, although we didn’t know at the time we booked what they’d do. They had a vibe we liked and a style that we thought would be liked (or at least not hated) by everyone coming from the oldies down to the kids.
We did also have a friend come and dj after the band finished so we could party late into the night, but a playlist would have been fine too, I think
Hey! We also didn't pay for flowers lol. My sister in law bought some long stem roses on the day and put together a bouquet.
I do like the look of flowers but I could not fathom spending so much on something that would be dead within a week!
The felt flowers came from Global Goods Partners, made by women in I think Nepal who might not have an opportunity to work and are paid fairly, so our flowers also did some good for the world which I loved!
Treat it like an a la carte menu and only include aspects you and your spouse care about. Don't disregard your spouses preferences, but don't feel forced to do things the 'right' way. There are creative ways to reduce expenses if you are thoughtful/careful about it, but don't trade away the parts you care about.
Cake tasting is fun. I chose a dress I liked with sleeves, in a year when almost every wedding dress was strapless. Everyone said I looked beautiful.
Make sure you don't ask bridesmaids/groomsmen to spend amounts of money they aren't comfortable with. Friendship is more important than a cool experience one day.
I have heard horror stories about wedding guests being coerced into doing setup or take down work. We chose a venue where the caterer handled seating and decorations, but whatever you do, make sure that anyone who does work has either agreed ahead of time or is an enthusiastic volunteer.
Any examples from your experience?
A concern with this is the travel expenses.
To reduce expences, you might be able to find a friend/loved one/contact with a large back yard who will agree to host. You might be able to just buy flowers and arrange them yourselves rather than buying bouquets, or have a friend or family member do it. You might have the meal be a picnic, or have the reception be an afternoon gathering that is just snacks/hors d'oevres. You can limit booze to just wine/beer, or only fund a few drinks per person before they have to pay themself. It's up to your creativity and your or your friends and families resourcefulness and interest in self help rather than professional options. Music can be a friend acting as dj or a playlist on a laptop. Some people find a source for homemade cake.
I would 100 percent not use an amateur photographer. Edit also photographers are correct when they say that their wedding package is substantially different than shooting photos for a generic party.
Great advice. Thank you.
I assume the price goes up if liquor and cocktail are involved?
Yes.
I also agree with the forget what everyone else wants. It's your money and your priorities. My wedding was about $2000 and that included the Hall rental and dress. And it was casual -- on our wedding invitations the dress code was 'don't attend naked'.
My advice -- some of which may apply to those of you wanting to spend 20K instead of 2K:
My advice would be to enjoy the mistakes and errors. They are the things you'll remember most. Things will go wrong, you'll laugh about later.
We also did the bridesmaid dress thing. It was a black dress and we gave them a ribbon which brought it together and made them look like a team. But they really appreciated being able to buy a dress that fit them well and they could wear more than once.
For photos, you can create any number of online storage places for them. But if there are kids, give them a digital camera to get shots from their perspective (pawn shops are a good place to buy em cheap that work properly). What I would say is to turn the camera around. Take pictures of your guests taking pictures of you. It's fun to see that. Take pictures of them because they are your friends :)
Oh and as for money and budget, there are some things you will splurge on. Do it. We spent more money on candy than wedding dress and suit (combined) and I wouldn't want it any differently. It was the only time in our lives we could justify spending that on candy, it made a great bomboniere, as people filled their own jars, and the kids loved it. When my wife asked about spending that much on candy I originally said no, but then realized that we were budget conscious on everything else, so why not go a bit crazy on one of the small things she wants.
Nice ideas -- I forgot how much I enjoy the photos my child took (not wedding related in this case) and seeing the world through their eyes. I recall there were lots of photos of candy and the pets. :D
I also forgot to say -- small bubbles bottles with wands at each table after the meal even if there are no kids attending.
Man, I have my big day coming up in a alittle over a year.
All I feel is dread in planning this event and required monetary spend. I understand the value of it and my partner is excited for a wedding, but I just can’t see past the other issues.
Sorry for being a little off topic, just wanted to add a perspective.
I'd be interested to read about your experience.
Start your planning as early as possible. You'll find that everything suddenly becomes more expensive just because it has "wedding" attached to it, so it helps to be as early as possible in regards to venues, catering, flower arrangements, etc.
It's important to remember that it's all about you and your partner, and don't be pressured by family members or friends to do something you don't want to just to appease them.
Won't wedding-related things be expensive anyway? I figure the extra lead time works for securing a date with a venue.
You're right, but taking floral arrangements as an example, you can easily find yourself paying double if the florist knows that it's being done for a wedding.
You can simultaneously argue that you'll receive a better product for the extra price, but I'm not sure I fully believe that.
In that situation, does the florist need to know it's for a wedding? I wonder how one could get around these predatory price hikes.
I've seen florists complain that what they provide for other events is not the same as what they provide for a wedding, but if you and spouse are ok with that, just don't tell them.
I don't follow. Are you saying florists complain about being misled by a customer?
Yes, exactly. Someone orders flowers for a party and it turns out to be for a wedding. I'm not a florist, so I don't know if they actually provide different service to go with the wedding tax prices. Photographers on the other hand absolutely do different work and more work for weddings. Also they are providing service on the day. If you lie to them to get a cheaper rate, they can legitimately walk out leaving you with nothing.
I tend to find that weddings go on for too long. They generally start at lunch time here and end well after midnight. So we had ours at 4pm which gave us and everyone else loads of time to prepare.
We had the ceremony at the wedding venue itself and that allowed us to have the meal very shortly after in nice weather because of the time of year that we chose. We left at 12:30 to get the bus for our honeymoon and guests still say it was a memorable wedding (for the right reasons).
My husband came up with an idea that we used for our wedding that continues to be remembered and get praise to this day. We've even been to other weddings where people we know have implemented the idea for themselves!
He suggested that, in lieu of party favors (which tend to be both expensive and a bit kitschy), we allow each person to choose a charitable cause that we will support on their behalf. The way we implemented it was that we gave each seat at the reception a token, and we had some jars set up near the bar, each labeled with a different charity. We specifically chose smaller, more local operations that were close to our hearts.
There were table tents on each table explaining what the tokens were for, and that each token was worth an $X dollar donation that we would be giving on their behalf.
Throughout the evening, guests went up to the jars, evaluated the different charities, and deposited their tokens in the jars they chose. We designated a person who, at the end of the evening, counted the number of tokens for each charity and reported the numbers to us. After our honeymoon, we made donations to each charity proportional to the tokens each received. It felt way better to donate to those causes than buy some party favors that are going to end up tossed in a drawer or thrown away. It also felt nice to, in a big event with a lot of spending that was focused on us, spend some money that was focused deliberately on others.
I can't tell you how many people told me and my husband that they loved the idea during the actual ceremony itself -- to say nothing of the people who still remember it fondly years later! I also know now how it feels from the other side, having been to two other weddings as a guest for people who lovingly stole our idea. One of them we went to took place shortly after Russia invaded Ukraine, so one of the jars set up was for a relief fund specifically for Ukrainians. It was genuinely moving to see that the jar was nearly overflowing.
Anyway, I throw out this suggestion both because I think it's a great idea and also because I think it falls under the umbrella of the general advice I'd give about a good wedding: don't do something simply because you're expected to do it because "that's how weddings are". Feel free to take a tradition and tweak it into something more interesting, original, or suited to you and your partner. My husband looked at the expectation of wedding favors and changed it to better suit what we wanted and felt was important, and it ended up being way more meaningful for everyone than if we'd just gone with what was expected instead.
I've been to many many weddings (including my own), and have been a groomsman or bridesman in over a dozen. In my experience, with few exceptions, weddings only very peripherally involve the actual bride and groom -- in most cases weddings are all about the bride's mother. Unless she is out of the picture or otherwise just not that interested for whatever reason, for all practical purposes this has been true regardless of the bride or groom's stated desires or intentions. Recognizing that and coming to terms with it (one way or another) will significantly reduce the stress and misery you might otherwise incur.
Besides that, there's some good advice in that other comment thread: don't get hung up on it being "the perfect day," no one's going remember the details (except that time your belligerent drunk uncle takes a swing at one of the groomsmen and ends up puking in the bushes), they're mostly just going to remember if they had a good time; and be prepared for the "wedding tax" where the cost of mundane things is hyper-inflated b/c it's for your "special day" -- you can avoid that in some cases, but it won't be totally avoidable; and plan/make reservations far in advance, and be prepared for something to go sideways at the last minute (don't freak out, you'll just have to roll with it).
Like what?
I'm not the person you responded to, but here is a link to a Consumer Reports study.
Edit to add another quote.
Best piece of advice I can give is pizza buffet, with salads, sides, etc.
It was cheap for us and all the guests loved it, it ended up being way better than having some generic catered food.
Scale. If you are happy to attend and not stressed out, that's a good indicator that you've delegated well. If you're stressed out it means you need to either step way back, or hire more people. If you don't want to spend more time hiring people scale it way back.
These are my recommendations for a
funeasy to survive European wedding:Agree with your SO on what you two expect from the wedding. Hold the line against your parents together.
Your biggest worry, the make-or-break of the wedding, should be the plan for the festivities held. Try to remember or invent as many fun games for everyone to be able to partake in as possible. There should not be over 30 minutes between different activities like eating, drinking or a game up until 21:00 when the dance floor stays open indefinitely and people are drunk enough to be able to chat with just about anybody.
Seriously, just plan enough stuff to do. Taking photos. Food. Toast. Shoe game. Toast. Photos from childhood with witty comments from your siblings. Toast. Cake. Raffle call. Telling your partner blindfolded by touch. Toast. First dance. Toast. Raffle call. Some kind of group dance. Toast. Raffle results. And so on. You get the idea.
Don't hesitate to make the wedding topical. Dress up in the regency era costumes, paint yourself in war colors and shoot each other in a paintball or laser tag tournament, organize it by a pool with swimming, diving and polo competitions. Force guests to hike up a nearby hill (except for elderly, obviously) so that have something to complain about to each other. Anything to make it more interesting goes.
Designate your siblings or friends to help you organize. They will need to herd the people, announce events and sometimes drive around.
As for the ceremony, the most important people are not you two. You are not holding the wedding for your benefit. You are holding it to announce that from now on, you two are together. And you are announcing it to your grandmas. They are the #1a and #1b guests. They have the best places, closest to you, so that they can hear the person performing the wedding ceremony loud and clear. Next come your parents, because that's expected and they should be close to the grandparents to cry together. Leave the rest of the seating order up to the guests. Ideally keep 1/3 to 2/3 of the guests standing or seat everyone so that nobody feels underprivileged. At the absolute minimum, grandmas and mothers sit. They are the guest of honor and everyone should know that. If required, assign grandma shifts (1h at most) to family members.
Food and alcohol. Make sure to provide plenty protein for everybody. Determine your guests dietary requirements beforehand and accommodate them. If there are not enough desserts, side dishes etc., people will just fall back to protein and non-alcoholic, carbonated, sugary drinks to keep them going. As for the alcohol, the higher (perceived) quality of drinks, the lower chance of drunk people vomiting all around the place. The moment your uncle brings in his "home made" moonshine, people will turn into animals. Make sure not to allow that before 20:00 so that you have enough time to excuse yourself and go enjoy your wedding night. That's acceptable at about 22:00.
Pool music ideas beforehand and designate a DJ. Make sure to provide a laptop with the music player and Firefox + μBlock Origin connected to the speakers for guests to play whatever they want past 21:00. Or later if you have a band.
Everyone has put some excellent advice here so I'll chip in with my go to small/funny advice.
Let your maid of honour/best man know of family members/guests you don't want to talk to for too long so they can rescue you from the conversation. Did that at my wedding and my best man was an absolute hero. He'd just apologise to the family member and say "oh CosmicCrisp you're needed for [made up thing]" and I was able to sneak away.
Great advice.
Just for a different perspective to a lot of the comments here, I come from a Greek background and a wedding is a very important "community event" for lack of a better term - It wasn't just about me and my partner, but about our families and friends all coming together from near and far to celebrate together. While we definitely did things our way, we did also compromise on some things to make it a better "family" event for both sides, and in the end as long as you compromise on things that you're not super passionate about and that aren't going to hurt you financially/detract from other areas, you can make the wedding a more fun and meaningful event for everyone attending
Have the wedding you want and can afford, but no more than that. Maybe it's less valuable advice because my partner and I are still in the middle of planning for next year. When all is said and done it will probably end up costing around the £25k - 30k mark, including the honeymoon. It sounds ridiculous for one day (and a holiday after) but the venue and catering for larger numbers of people add up fast - this is the approximate figure with me doing my own hair and makeup and baking my own cake! If you want a cheaper wedding then definitely keep the guest list under 80, or even 60 people.
Statistically that kind of expense puts us in the disaster zone but we're very open with each other about finances. We have a massive budgeting spreadsheet for this and we look at different ways to trim things down. On that note, I strongly recommend becoming a data head and tracking dates/ expenses like this! We're also lucky to be in a position where we're getting some generous contributions from parents and the remaining balance won't put us in jeopardy. There are never, ever any arguments about money and I think that makes a big difference.
My other tip is figure out entertainment that's not dancing. We'll have a quiet area with an assortment of board games and set up a different area for some DDR (I hate real dancing but arcade videogame dancing is great!).
Maybe I'll feel differently about this advice once the big day is done, but I'll let you know if that's the case!
Please do.
Three things that I learned from our wedding day.
Don't be afraid to delegate. You and your spouse should be enjoying the day and each other as much as possible, so don't worry about doing little stuff yourself. We needed our car moved between wedding and reception, so we asked a good friend to do it. SIL and mothers set up the centerpieces at the reception. FIL was in charge of directing people in the reception venue. If you have an event planner, they should handle this, but if it's more DIY, just ask for help.
Hire a professional photographer. I've had a few friends use an acquaintance or someone "just starting out" and they were very disappointed with their pictures. We hired a pro and have some wonderful photos that we often look back at. It was our biggest expense after the venue/food but totally worth it.
Enjoy the process. Hopefully, you only plan one wedding, so make sure to enjoy all the little things leading up. I'm one to always rush to get things finished and focus on the end result. But I really made an effort to slow down and enjoy the planning process. I have fond memories of choosing tie colors, picking invitations, listening to first dance songs, etc. To quote Dawes, "it's not some stupid little ring, I'm getting a little bit of everything".
This answer won’t work for everyone but it worked for us: we eloped! We started planning a traditional wedding, realized it was more work and money than we wanted to deal with, and had a vacation planned already anyway so we decided to book a officiant and bought a plane ticket for our wedding photographer/witness and made an adventure of it. We sent out mass announcement postcards with the secret insta handle we made with all our wedding and vacation pics to our friends and family that were expecting invitations and surprised everyone.
For the postcards, I assume you would've gotten 100 for, like, $10?
My experience has been that there's an inverse correlation between the amount spent on the wedding and the duration (and happiness) of the marriage.
Correlation isn't causation, though. I think that the folks that let themselves be happy with a simple wedding are more likely to be forgiving with each other later in life.
The weddings I've most enjoyed are the ones that don't stand on ceremony, when people can laugh when things don't go to plan. A guest list shouldn't ever grow so large that anyone is there out of obligation. If grandma can tell a dirty joke that makes one of the groomsmen blush, you're doing it right.
One thing I see missing from the advice here, but wish I'd have had, was to have more time around the wedding.
I got married on a Saturday. I took off the Friday for the rehearsal dinner, got married Saturday, had a brunch on Sunday at my in-laws house, then we left that afternoon to start a 20-hour drive home, then we flew out on a Tuesday to Europe from the US. We landed in Europe and my wife had these recurring nightmares about her mother. The wedding was the last time we saw her mother before she died suddenly two months later. What I would give to have spent another evening with our families after the wedding...
My wedding was during covid, so it was the first time most of my family had gathered in 1-2 years. Our friends traveled from across the country to see us. In the end, it almost felt like a blur. Take the time for yourself, with your family, and with your partner in the days leading up and after the wedding.
Aside from taking time for yourself, there are a few things I would recommend to anyone getting married.
Determine what aspects of the wedding really matter to you and voice your opinion. My wife had preferences for lots things, and I was happy to let her have the final say. But, I had strong opinions on things like music programming and that's the part of the day that I remember. The wedding is for both partners, so it's good to make part of it yours.
Be aware of what's going on. A lot of wedding details mattered more to my wife than to me during the planning phase. But, on the actual wedding day, I was the point of contact for everything. Wrong bow-tie color? Late flowers? Questions about table settings? I had those answers. It was important to me that she could just relax with her wedding party all day while I made sure things shaped up.
Find a venue that does as much of the labor as possible. Set-up/tear-down, food service, alcohol, tables/chairs, silverware, etc. are all a lot to wrangle by yourself. We found a very nice venue at a golf club (of all places) that was $750 for 3 hours with waitstaff/tables/chairs/PA (speakers + mic)/alcohol/food + a day-of-coordinator. We did a 65-person seated dinner and didn't have to worry about any coordination. Food/drink were on-top-of the $750, but that was a reasonable place to start for us.
Expect your family to have a lot of unsolicited input. We compiled a list of wedding traditions and made it clear what wasn't on the table, then reviewed it with our family. This helped to find areas of commonality about what traditions were important to each party. I see a lot of advice that your wedding is ultimately for you. Ultimately, I think that is really going to be case-by-case. I have a large extended family and my parents are fairly religious/conservative. It's naive to think there aren't expectations about the wedding that need to be addressed. We found lots of compromises and everyone was happy.
Don't sweat each person having the same sized wedding party. Comprise your wedding party of people you trust and can confide in, and don't just fill it up to have symmetric photos. You will probably end up needing someone in the wedding party to do something last-minute, and it helps that they are reliable.
Keep the wedding short (and appropriate for the crowd). We had our ceremony from 6pm-9:15pm and planned to have an after-party with our friends. Our older family was able to stay through the cake cutting and not miss anything, while the younger crowd/our friends partied until we left the venue and reconvened. This helped avoid guests getting too drunk during the reception, thus preventing unfortunate/embarrassing moments.