One thing I loved doing that sort of fell out of my life was keeping a small note book and transferring everything important to a journal. Its what kept me mostly organized throughout high school and uni but things got a bit hectic after I started working. I just jumped to scattered Google Keep notes that are difficult to follow up on. I've since tried Obsidian to scratch that itch but that became even a more chaotic mess than Keep.

Jump to last week and my phone battery and USB port both gave up while traveling. Fortunately the person hosting me was happy to sell the old Samsung Note phone that had been gathering dust. Not a fan of the Samsung Ecosystem or the weird oversized form factor. But the integrated stylus is something I didn't think I needed. I just pop it out and the screen instantly goes into note mode. it's helped when I just need to jot something down or illustrate some idea. I could easily minute a casual meeting and shared the outcomes as an image set. Was a lot more personable than the ignored pdf document or a wall of text in a slack group and people were more likely to check it than ask for information that was right there.

Beyond that, I'm more likely to jot down ideas, reminders and notes, and actually come back to them. I've also found the mazec3 keyboard that let's me write to text reliably and I prefer it to longer typing on touchscreen (used it for this post). The problem is that I really want to combine these tools into an actual workflow. Just checking if anyone has a consistent toolset to easily take stylus notes and to effectively organize and catalog the results?

I've tried messing around with Obsidian Canvas with the ink and draw.io plugin but it doesn't seem geared for spontaneous scribbles and complex shapes. And it all just ends up as a formatting chore that I keep putting off. Also spent some time looking through the Play Store for something off the shelf but everything there is now "AI Powered" and it's another red flag on top of overpriced in-app purchases. It all feels like a data harvesting or advertising scams and google is incentivized to push revenue generators and ad mills over actual functionality.

Most of my time in any given day is spent sleeping (eight hours), working (nine hours, plus another one or two for commuting), chores (maintaining the home, personal hygiene, etc.), and spending time with my wife (and occasionally with friends and family).

This means that I don’t have a lot of “spare time”. I maybe get one or two hours a day, and a few more on Saturdays and Sundays.

I often feel anxious and depressed about this inescapable reality. I have a lot of projects and hobbies that I would like to fill my spare time with, but not enough for all of them.

Years ago, I began to try to reframe the circumstances of my life in my mind in order to prevent a complete mental collapse. I tell myself that this life is finite, that I will never be able to have all the experiences that I would like to, and that’s OK. I can live with that reality. And I should instead, focus my energy on dedicating myself to the projects and hobbies that I absolutely do not want to miss out on.

I still struggle to stick to just a few of those, because there are so many (especially creative) activities that I enjoy. I regularly go through cycles of taking on too many of these, then becoming overwhelmed because I don’t have enough time for each, then cutting out most of them to focus on the ones that I want to prioritize, and repeating the cycle.

Today, I have reached the part of that cycle where I will cut some of them out.

Whenever I do that, it really helps me to take inventory of what those activities are, so that I can stay focused, and delay taking on more or new ones until I am satisfied with where I got with my current ones.

So, here are the projects and hobbies that I want to spend my spare time on, starting today:

• Reading one hour every morning (been diligently doing that since January 1). Two books I am reading through the year. A third book I read as much as I have time left (have read more than ten this year already). I also occasionally read some blogs on Bear Blog.
• Writing on two blogs (one daily, one occasionally), as well as writing my book.
• Occasionally chatting on a forum, Tildes, and four Discord guilds.
• Taking one daily walk while listening to a podcast.
• Occasionally watching YouTube videos (I am—coincidentally—subscribed to exactly 50 channels, almost all of which have an upload schedule of one video every other week or slower).

What are your activities?

Side notes: The list above is a summary. My list is a lot more precise, to help me focus. Also, I’m currently unemployed, but before I quit my last job, I had actually been working almost without interruption for several years. My day-to-day routine back then was exactly as I described it in the beginning of this post.

I recall this thread https://tildes.net/~health.mental/1l62/adhd_diagnoses_are_surging_among_older_americans that I responded to in January, 2 months after my diagnosis, but about 3 weeks before I started medication. At the time, I was "self-medicating" with cannabis every weekend and I did implement positive changes, but I knew I needed something for the week and I knew I didn't want to smoke every day or take cannabis every day.

The medications

I started using Vyvanse in late January, after my diagnosis was confirmed in October, but my doctor wanted to wait for my heart results because I had consulted about my heart many many years before and it was the only thing I could answer to her when she asked me: "any past problems about your body?". In retrospect, she did well, because I now realize that most ADHD drugs are stimulants.

Anyways. My first day on Vyvanse was absolutely I N S A N E. I felt like I was the guy from Limitless taking NZT for the first time. It was like all my mind clutter got removed at once. Normally, I felt like I was losing frames every second, but with Vyvanse, I felt focused, every discussion I had that day, I was fully focused. Everything I had to do that day, or wanted to do, I did. I'm a teacher and there are TONS of stuff we need to do that is not really talked about, stuff like printing papers, organising papers for my groups (I'm in high school), reorganising my desks because someone messed with them, and so much little planning for different projects, future exams, future classes. Most of those things include some sort of planning with others, which can lead to a long list of things to do that just never ends. Well, that day, I did everything I needed to do and I felt like I wasted zero time with everything. I was efficient, quick, did all my tasks and more. I was used to doing thing fast, but I was maybe ~80-85% efficient most of the time. Well, with Vyvanse, I was at 120%. That lasted for a couple of days... and then the side effects started to really pile up.

I have insomnia, trouble staying asleep, I always wake up during the night and was also diagnosed with sleep apnea last year. So, insomnia coupled with stimulants was just not a good combo. I was not sleeping at all, probably getting 1-3 hours of sleep for multiple days in a row. My heart was often racing very much, often times at non-usual hours, such as at like 3 am...

I was super happy with the positive effects, it was exactly what I needed. I was able to start routines I had wanted to start for years, such as cooking, cleaning, planning, exercising, etc. I was able to do all that, but my heart racing and my lack of sleep really took a toll on me.

So I went to see my doctor, we tried Concerta for about a month and a half, but it did just nothing. It was maybe 15-20% of what Vyvanse was AND it still affected my heart, while not helping my insomnia. So I went back to my doctor.

We then tried Strattera. Oh boy, did Strattera work. I started it around early April and it's exactly what I needed. It's about 85-90% of the positive effects that Vyvanse had, while having close to zero side effects. I'm prepared to be on Strattera for the rest of my life. I'm on 40mg now and I don't need to up the dose, but through the years, I could go as high as 120mg, so there is room to keep the same effects for many many years.

How it changed my life

I must state that I'm in my early 30's. I've been living alone all my adult life. I had wanted to make positive changes in my life for years. I wanted to cook more, I wanted to exercise more, to organize my life, to decorate my apartment, to improve everything about my life. I had the willpower, my body just didn't follow. So, in that sense, the medication was just the final push before implementing everything in my life.

I had already started to make positive changes when I used cannabis during Fall 2024. Every weekend, I would write up a list, smoke a joint and go to work. I just wanted to be able to do that during my work week because, obviously, pot is not an ADHD drug and I couldn't be high all the time.

I can confidently say that Strattera and the medications just completely changed my life. Yes, I implemented every "positive life changes" you can think of. My life is organized, I can keep agenda updated, I can easily plan needed appointments, I follow-up on people when I tell them too. Remember all the times you've told people "oh yeah, I'll do that later!" and didn't follow up? Well, now I do follow up every time. I have planned my whole summer (yeah, teacher vacation!) easily... the list just goes on.

Being organized helped me in myriad of ways, in fact, it helped me use cannabis for (what I think is meant to be used) creativity. Now, I smoke a joint every Sunday, when all my chores are done, and I just think about creative projects I have always had and I work towards them, but it's mostly just thinking and writing some of it down. I made huge progress in a fantasy story I had in mind for years. I made huge progress in planning some class changes I wanted to implement next years; stuff like changing the desks configuration, offering benefits for work, changing the work style of my students, etc. And you know what? I'm thrilled to work towards that. I have some camping planned this summer where I plan to go alone and just think about that stuff in nature.

Anyways.

The biggest change is honestly just being able to switch from a short-term, adrenalin-energy-based life, to a long term life. I'm hopeful towards the future, because I know I'll be able to see my projects come to fruition. Even if it takes 10 years, I know I can do the work. I understood that, ultimately, life is work. There is stuff you just need to do. I cannot just not do the dishes, I cannot just not pick up after myself. I cannot just not take out the trash. But now, my brain is not tuned around maximizing short-term dopamine, my brain is now tuned around maximizing overall happiness, so I can do that "needed" stuff, while doing everything else while not being more tired than I was before.

I can just be the man I have always wanted to be. I always wanted to help people, to love people. Every other weekend, I go see my sister and help her with her house. Sometimes, I work like 7-8 hours a day, and I'm happy to do it.

Don't get me wrong, I still have time in my week where I have leisure time: I game about 10-14 hours every weekend, I surf reddit and youtube ~2-3 hours every day, but I just plan those moments better and end up enjoying them more, honestly. Every time I meet up with my friends, I fully enjoy it. It's not like I'm "no, sorry, gaming is not productive, so I won't do it." It's more like "yes, I can game freely now!".

Anyways, thank you for reading me, I just wanted to share my experience and I hope you'll free yourself from the judgement/negativity around being diagnosed/medicated with ADHD. If you think you might have ADHD, go to a doctor. Once I reached for help and got my diagnosis, it absolutely completely changed my life for the better. My only regret is not going to the doctor earlier, but I didn't, because "everyone has ADHD", yeah.

After my last post on procrastination, it got me wondering what are successful strategies that are used by other Tilders to keep their lives on track.

When I was in university and needed to get myself on track to graduate after a bad year of school, I adopted the Getting Things Done methodology which worked great for me then, but I didn't find myself applying it as consistently post graduation.

I've been reading Atomic Habits lately as I want to improve my own habits, but I'm also thinking about a more general "how I want to organize my life" and be more proactive on managing things.

Are you a user of to-do lists, calendar reminders, sticky notes, or something less conventual? I'm interested in hearing about it.