I've been thinking on this for a while, and was inspired to ask about it while reading through the blackpill thread. I don't intend to actually look for a relationship for a while; it's been six months since the breakup, and my ex and I didn't agree to no-contact until two days ago, so I still have a long healing process to get through. But I have a lot of... dread? around not having a life partner forever, with the key factor being not having a close friend like my ex was pre-relationship. If I could emotionally and financially handle all life matters on my own that would be beautiful, but even just thinking about getting to the place I want to be financially while still maintaining a certain lifestyle is anxiety-inducing on its own. So again, even as I do not actively prepare to download any app and put myself out there, I'd like to take some notes as someone who has never used an app and whose previous relationships were by chance (classmates while in school, ex was from MMO).

For starters: I'm a cis woman, early 30s, and identify as lesbian, demisexual, demiromantic. I don't know where I am on the scale of conventional attractiveness. I'm extremely short and skinny. I've never really gone through the initial "dating" process (I knew my exes before getting in a relationship with them so we kind of jumped into being exclusive/"official").

The demi- bits mean a lot to me. I feel it makes sense to just seek spaces for activities that I enjoy and go on from there, but I feel like it's a difficult numbers game because statistically most people will be straight, right? And I don't think I exude any non-straight energy either, if that's even a thing. So this brings me to why I feel I inevitably will need to use dating apps - I fear the environment, I have never applied makeup on myself and couldn't tell you the difference between mascara and eyeliner without Googling, and the blackpill thread is filled with commentary on how these apps really cultivate a landscape with a focus on appearance. But simply being not-straight makes me feel I have to use an app for the basic filter of gender preference.

I don't see myself going to a gay bar (prefer not to drink). I can see some queer-friendly dating-focused events in my area that sound okay but I fear my issues with social performance will keep me away (I can perform for one person but the few events I see right now are speed-dating or casual mixers). Also some of them are hosted at wineries/pubs and I get that alcohol is normal, but I really don't like the vibe of bars themselves (too loud).

I also don't know if there are... things to "know" when trying to date as a lesbian? Like when folks talk about being masc/femme, those things don't really mean anything to me - I have male-dominated hobbies and don't wear feminine clothing, but to say that any bit of me says "masculine" in any way just doesn't seem right. I also honest to god do not know what expectations are regarding trans women. I can't write them off as I've never dated or been romantically interested in a trans woman, but I do fear that the... equipment, for lack of better phrase... might matter to me, and I don't want to offend too late? Is it transphobic to say I'd prefer to date cis women?

Apologies as I realize that this is definitely becoming more of a ramble on "how date, I've never dated strangers" and less on advice for use of dating apps specifically. But at the end of the day, yes, I feel that I will need to use dating apps but fear the experiences that I read about from using them.

i'm a huge lover of music. i listen to music, i collect music (digital and vinyl) for 25 years now. i organize and go to festivals. i play music as a dj (mostly cumbia, afro and house). i looove pop, but as a genere. just everything that is authentic and makes me feel and groooves.
my heart beats to the beat of this amazing hip hop beats. jazz-funk-house and everythig around and in between. and mexican music, be it traditional. modern traditional or pinche rancheras que escuchaban los abuelos. but fuck generes, if it grooves and makes me happy or a special kind of sad, i love it.
but as i get older, it just seems to be getting harder and harder to find and connect to music.
i think part of it is that i just know soo much already. but in comparison to what exisit... thats just bullshit, is it me taking less time and love for music or is it that i get less sensitive to music as i grow older?

i dont know where i'm going with this. but i think i want to connect to other people who i can share music i love with. but its so hard to find people who share my kind of taste.

whatever this post nothing structured, but if you like some of the following please reach out.

Natalia Lafurcarde

Fat Freddy's Drop

Lineli Concept

or Griz, or Gramatik, or St.Germain or ASM or soooo much more i can not even grasp what i like., its just too much and diverse.

i just miss discovering music.. maybe its my process.. i dont use any streaming sites, exept for youtube sometimes for its accesibility to share. i pirate and buy and go to concerts. but it seems everybody arround just shares spotify playlists... and i'm just not getting into that, fuck algorithms deciding my taste. fuck big music.

what do i do? can i find back to the joy of finding a new album i like and loose myself for days and weeks in it? is this a possibility? do i need to find a new way to enjoy and discover music?
is it me? or is it getting harder?

just as a disclaimer, i like what happens here on tildes music wise, but it mostly feels quite far from my tastes. no bad feelings, i like you anyways ;-)

edit: the covers topic going hot atm is just the best in a long time.