I've got a group of people at work with whom I started a games lunch club. Sometimes we also try to make games happen in the evening after work, or on a weekend. I noticed that some of the guys often use these terms:
"I have to ask the boss."
"I got permission! I can go to the after-work game."
Mind you, I think these are also the guys who have kids. For transparency, I do not have kids, but I do have a partner and dogs.
So, what do others think of this line of thinking? These are the 3 options that I always think about:

Option 1: These guys will use their spouse as a convenient excuse to say they don't feel like going to the event. "It's not me. I wanted to. But she calls the shots." I find this pretty silly. Just be honest. Why lie and, worse, pull your spouse into your lie?

Option 2: Shouldn't relationships be more equal? There should not be a "boss". You should not need "permission". Just be accountable and responsible. Prioritize your family over a game, and just say it. "Sorry, can't make it. Family commitments." This is totally ok. If you want to go, but know you have a previous commitment, and you have to ask your spouse if you can bail out of the previous commitment to play a game, I think you should probably make that decision yourself. She's not your mom, she's your partner in life! You should probably skip the game.

Option 3: They are saying it in jest. They may think saying it like that is funny and it implies they prioritize their family (a good thing).

In general, these types of phrases remind me of "happy wife, happy life" or "yes, dear" which I associate with something a senior citizen from a different generation may say. I thought my generation (millennial) was over that and had more egalitarian relationships where the couple is a team.

What do others think? It's hard to rely tone in text-only, so I will just say I'm writing this not out of frustration or anger, but just because I found it interesting and sometimes I like thinking of these things and seeing how others perceive them.

Some of you may remember me from another thread, where I hemmed and hawed and fretted my way through trying to navigate my struggling relationship. I thought I'd reached the final chapter, I moved out and established a place for my child and myself. I cut as many ties as I could with my now ex, but of course several threads still remain.

Yesterday (April Fools of course) I found out that they had been cheating on me since last May, at least. Potentially longer. Of course, I'm devastated. I knew they had found someone else already recently, but I thought it was in the last month or two. This new piece of the puzzle has solved so many unanswered questions I've had, while also creating many new ones.

I feel used, financially/emotionally abused, gaslit, and more. I'm still working on processing everything. I'm trying to remain calm for the sake of the kids (especially mine) but it's really, really hard. I know it isn't a reflection on me - I tried everything I could to fix things. It is hard however not feel that utter sense of betrayal in my gut and soul like a knife.

What resources, reading, supports, guides are there for this? I'm just trying to get through today and then I have a three day weekend to work on processing this all.