Working on my graduate degree and desperately need to get better at writing. I want to write and publish a lot but my grammar and general style is quite bad. The allure of AI is forever present but I resist it to maintain my own skill.

Edit: Thank you for all the kind replies.

I've been having a bit of a midlife crisis (well, I'm 31 so technically not there yet but...) and was hoping maybe some kind folks on Tildes could give me some perspective. Apologies in advance for the long-winded post.

I currently work my "dream" job. I put that in quotes because I'm a freelance translator which, as you might expect, has not been the best place to be at for the last couple of years. Nonetheless, it was the job I wanted to do when I got into university 7 years ago so it's what I'd say is the only "calling" I've had.

Because I've only ever done this, I feel like I missed out on opportunities and soft skills that a person might typically develop early in their career at more typical jobs. I was fortunate to have an accommodating family who really let me try as hard as I could in the translation field until I could succeed, which unfortunately I haven't as much as I wanted to.

Because of all this, I've now been looking for non-specialized jobs anyone can do in order to at least have a more stable income. But I feel like just working at say a McDonald's or other less skilled jobs won't get me very far in life. Yes I can do translation on the side as a supplement and maybe one day I'll get lucky enough to score a well-paying client (I know it's possible but just haven't had the chance yet), but that's a lot of ifs for comfort. At the moment I can't even focus on paying my bills, let alone try to have a life outside my job or a partner or basically anything, and that's what also sorta torpedo'd the intense anxiety I've been having.

So I've been pondering seriously going back to university to get another degree, as some of my friends and acquaintances have done. The problem is I just don't know how to even go about finding something that can give me a better professional life and that I connect with in some capacity. I've been so sheltered and non-diversified for 7 years that now I have very little to connect with.

I thankfully live in a country where university is not a big financial investment, so that's not an issue. But as I've been warned by others (and agree myself), jumping into a degree when I only have nebulous ideas about my future in it is a good way to ensure I burn myself out and waste my time. I can't just pick a degree because "it'll pay well." It has to be something I can actually concentrate on and feel the drive to work toward. Otherwise I'll probably be back on this road again, just in a different way (low end skilled work is as poorly paid as unskilled work where I live).

I've been eyeing typical big engineering degrees like computer science and mechanical engineering. Looking at jobs they can provide makes them sound somewhat interesting (robots are cool, right?), but it still all feels very nebulous, like nothing fully clicks. It's like I can't find something that's more guaranteed to pay well and where I also feel "this is where I want to be."

I'm also constantly worried about "what if I choose wrong" and wondering if I won't be good enough or stand out and just set myself up for another bad career. The choice paralysis is very real. And reading testimonials online, no matter for what field, just makes things feel more bleak (I should probably stop that), though there is occasionally some positivity.

The way I describe my mental state right now is "I want a job that will let me not have to worry about surviving 24/7, but I don't know what that might look like." It could be working at McDonald's or some menial office job and then doing translation on the side (AKA the only "calling" I've ever fully clicked with), it could be becoming an engineer, or maybe it's something else entirely I haven't found yet. I don't know.

I also know that sometimes all it takes is to try something out to see if you like it, so I'm not ruling the possibility that maybe I'll just click with a degree after I get into it, but until I have that opportunity I'd like ask fellow Tildeans: how would you go about finding a new calling in life in a situation like this?

I know there's no silver bullet answer and that nobody can decide my life for me, but I feel as though I'm missing the tools to make that decision for myself.

I've got a "holy grail" TT faculty position at an R1 university, but I'm seriously considering leaving academia. It's a fit issue, and I've had a major mental health development that has definitely changed the equation for me. I would welcome non-academic or non-TT or non-faculty input as well. It would be an immense life change for me and my family, so I'd like to look at it from all sides, and I think Tildes would be a great place to do that.

Please let me know if you're interested in a discussion or just give freeform advice. I'll update this post with specific questions if this gets any traction.

My thanks!