I'm gonna be a dad!

3 month old at home right now.

Have a baby shower. Have two if you can. Get as much stuff as you can. There's a lot you'll need. My wife says, "tell him to ask for a lot of diapers in several sizes."

My wife said your wife (or you) should join the Facebook free sites for moms. My wife got so much new or like-new stuff on there. Like thousands of dollars in brand new baby equipment. So much of it was still in boxes. Then pass it on when you're done with it. Lot of this stuff is only useful for a few short weeks or months til baby outgrows it.

Enjoy your hobbies now! They're going away for a while but it'll be okay and you'll mostly be happy about it.

Read about safe sleeping. Read about it a lot. Never sit in a recliner with your newborn if you're even slightly tired. They're helpless. I was so exhausted during week one that I fell asleep with my newborn on my chest and I woke up with him slid down to my side and his face was mostly pressed into my shirt. He was completely swaddled so he couldn't have done a single thing if he had slipped down further in between me and chair arm. I shudder to think about it still. But dude you're gonna be TIRED.

Someone here on Tildes gave me pretty good advice a while back. Keep the baby fed, keep both ends clean, and you'll be fine. Babies are built to survive first time parents and as long as you aren't drinking or drugging, the odds of something bad happening to the baby are pretty slim!

It's a lot but you adjust quickly and you won't want to go back. You'll love them more than you thought possible.

Other things I've learned:

It doesn't matter if it's a boy or a girl. I wanted a daughter. Was disappointed to find out I was having a son but once you hold them you couldn't care less. You won't want any other baby.

Also, my wife was madly in love with the baby instantly. Meanwhile, I, like my dogs, had to poke around and sniff for a while before that feeling kicked in. I think maybe I loved him a little but I felt guilty that my wife loved him more. Then a few weeks passed and I just fell for the little guy. I read some posts online and apparently this is common for dads. We don't carry baby so we have to do all of our bonding after the baby comes.

My wife says: "The hormone shift is insane. Tell him to be very doting and calm with his wife. Especially that first month after birth."

I'll add to her comment - yes. Dude my wife was nuts after the kid was born. Just bursting into tears over the most mundane things and finding deep meaning in everything. Then laughing and being cool as a cucumber minutes later. She was totally goofy. But she handled it like a champ and other than a few small frustrations I think I did a good job being level. You have to be intentional and remember that she's pretty much on drugs from all the hormones. You won't get a lot of credit as the man (perhaps rightfully) because mom is going through a lot. Make sure you also pat yourself on the back and give yourself some credit.

Oh and congrats!

All good advice in this thread, but there's one I want to reiterate and another I want to bring up that hasn't been mentioned:

1. You may not love or have any interest in them to begin with. This is normal. With both of mine, they were just sacks of potatoes for a good few months of their life and I was otherwise indifferent to them. Sure I did all the care that was necessary, but otherwise...meh? But I remember with my first, the first time they followed me with their eyes, I was so excited and from that moment, they were so much more than a sack of potatoes.

2. Don't. Shake. The. Baby. when I was a teen I used to see this commercials and always laughed at what a ridiculous idea that was. Who needed to be told that? Why would anyone shake a baby?

You're going to want to. When you've slept two hours in the last three days and your kid won't stop crying, you can't feed them, you can't coo them to sleep, you can't bounce them to being calm, you'll feel frustrated, you'll feel rage. It's ok to just set the baby down and walk away for a spell. Assuming your crib is setup appropriately, nothing unsafe can happen to them there, but you yourself can be unsafe. So just go calm down, let them cry, it's ok, get your head straight.

Also, if you have more than one: Two is not 50% or even 100% more work, it's more like 200-300% more. It's a lot more effort. Worth it, but heaps more work.

Father of 3 here. Congrats! It's a shit show, but it's a fun shit show.

Assuming you've got a while for the birth, my biggest piece of advice is: start cleaning and clearing out crap yesterday. There's so much shit you need to have for the baby, and it takes up a lot more space than you might think. It'll never be just in the nursery, don't bother pretending like it will.

Literally anything you can do to make your life easier in the first 3 months post birth are totally worth whatever expense, so long as you can afford it. We did full delivery service food for a while so I only had to go shopping maybe once every 7-10 days for staples. I wish we'd hired a maid service. We had a huge supply of frozen Soups made by the time the baby came, so we also had a lot of backup meals for the "I'm fucking dead" days.

Get an inflatable mattress if you can. Get used to the idea of sleeping alone sometimes, or when you can. Having one adult that is truly sleeping in the night makes the day so much more manageable overall. I got a 4" memory foam topper on mine, and it's incredibly comfortable.

Any time you're alone with the baby, you should be talking as much as you can to it. And actual talking, not stupid baby noises. Doesn't have to be creative or interesting, you can just explain whatever you're currently doing to them. It'll have a strong positive impact on development. Similarly, shoot to read a minimum of 5 books a day to them. My wife would usually just read one quickly whenever they were going to sleep (as they sleep/wake so much in the beginning).

Trust your instincts. A lot of it is way less scary than it seems to some, but real shit can happen too. Our eldest wouldn't be alive if we hadn't trusted our instincts (as 6 week new parents) that something was actually wrong and taken him straight to the ER. Within a few weeks, you'll start to "know" your baby. You're going to know them best from then on, so trust yourself.

The baby will have a personality a lot sooner than you think. It was genuinely surprising to me the difference in overall demeanor between my 3 as newborns, by about a month. It's a crapshoot, pray for an easy first baby.

Co-sleeping, at least with the mom, is what we ended up doing and it worked the best. It's technically not recommended anymore, as there is an increased risk of SIDS. But honestly, historically what women have done since... always, basically, is co-sleep. It is so much easier to manage the baby.

Finally, you will fail. You will fail at some aspects of parenting, and it's unavoidable because at the end of the day, you're just a person with flaws too. Personally, I know I get too angry at them sometimes. But I also acknowledge it, and apologize to them. I just tell them what I said to you - I'm just a person with flaws too. So when you inevitably fail: just give yourself a break, and do better next time.

Father of a 16 month old here, was 100% convinced I never wanted a kid. Couldn't imagine life without him now (but am 100% convinced I don't want a second, we'll see how that goes).

It's absolutely insane watching your little guy (or girl) figure out the world, one of the coolest things is watching them try to master a new skill for weeks and finally nail it (like flipping over, walking, jumping, saying a word). Really an amazing feeling.

Here's a couple of my tips:

Pre baby:

GO TRAVEL RIGHT NOW. Seriously. Putting off a trip to Japan, go next weekend. Cold? Go to Mexico. Seriously. I miss travel so much. We just did a trip to Miami with our 16 month old, was so exhausted that I thought about home the whole time (the weather was beyond awful, and a hotel has nothing for a kid to do).

Enjoy your hobbies as the other dad commented, also enjoy your friends. Your friends without kids will be surprised when you drop off the face of the Earth and honestly it will be a bit difficult hanging out with them in the future. Not to sound mean, but the don't get it. You'll plan stuff and be late, you'll have to leave early, a lot of activities you won't be able to do. You'll definitely find yourself gravitating to your friends with kids (and playdates are a great way to tire the kid out).

Get your home in order. Finish up those DIY projects (DO NOT START NEW ONES). If you've been thinking of moving, do it now (the more space you can have the better). We moved from our starter home to a much larger home a few months after birth....holy crap that was rough.

Look at your paternity leave benefit. If it sucks, consider job hopping. Nothing is more important than have a few solid months with your newborn (and your wife will thank you for it).

Don't know how a car seat works? Take it to the local fire department or police station, they usually have sessions showing you how to install and use it.

At the hospital:

Take the zip up swaddlers or magnetic swaddlers to the hospital, so much easier than doing the blanket swaddle method.

USE THE NURSERY AT THE HOSPITAL. Seriously....that might be the only sleep you get for awhile. Also, be prepared for a nonstop barrage of people entering your room (social security, local newspaper release form, etc, etc, etc).

Hospital food universally sucks, be prepared. Also, it's the only place they list the oz of ketchup that comes with your fries (and charge accordingly).

There's lots of advice out there and a lot of here in this thread. Take it all in man, you'll learn something and see where/why its valuable.

My kid is 16 months and I have some sleeping advice. We didn't co-sleep (except during a super hectic first week where my wife had to go to the hospital and I was alone with the baby). We did sleep training at 5 months (it was hard but worth it, our babe loves bedtime and sleeps on his own no problem). Get into a regular routine with the naps - overtired babies don't nap well (oddly enough) and enough naps in the day will get them sleeping through the night.

Don't be afraid of formula if you need it.

Take as much shit as you can - clothes, bed stuff, clothes - especially clothes. Don't skimp on the important shit like crib, stroller, or car seat if you can't.

Read to the baby - everything. The news, the kids books, everything. We try our best to not be on our phones with the baby or watch TV around him either.

Edit - someone mentioned pat-leave and yes - definitely take your pat-leave if you have it. Its there for you to take care of your kid.

Finally, just be there man. Your wife/partner would have just gone through some serious physical trauma and you have the advantage of being able to physically do more. As the baby grows, try and be 50/50 with your wife/partner about taking care of them. The kid is an amazing thing and you're going to love like you've never loved before.

Also - congrats!

Be prepared for your woman to be totally wiped out after giving birth.

Once the baby pops out, watch the nurses, then do a nappy change while they watch.

Babies are kinda boring initially. Get something like a Baby Bjorn for walks each night. Wrapped up warm in winter.

Start reading books as early as possible. I started when the baby couldn't even see straight. Routines are important.

Everyone's already covered a lot of stuff here, and I too just had a baby and did a ton of research to prepare just like you are now. That included taking some classes at the hospital where we would be having the baby. And in one of those classes, I got the single best piece of advice that I didn't even know I needed:

• You do not need to warm up the bottle.

We took this 4-hour long breastfeeding class for new parents. It had tons of great info. And at the end, I realized the the presenter, a lactation consultant/nurse with decades of experience, hadn't mentioned anything about warming up the bottle. So I asked "What temperature should I raise the bottle to? Room temp? Body temp? Warmer?" and she told me what I told you above. You do not need to warm it up at all. You can if you want, but you don't need to. Give it to them straight from the fridge. I was shocked since I always thought bottles needed to be warmed. They even sell bottle warmers! But nope, straight from fridge is fine, heck even better than fine, she said, because it can make the baby open to more temperature options. If you only ever give the baby milk/formula at the exact same temperature, the baby could get used to that and end up not liking it when it's colder or room temp.

So I've been giving the baby some milk straight from the fridge and it's honestly saved me so much time and stress. It doesn't sound like a big deal, but those extra few seconds or minutes when the baby is crying at full blast are a godsend. Or it can even prevent the crying altogether if you notice the baby start to fuss and then get a bottle straight away without having to wait for a microwave or bottle warmer.

Good luck!

Congrats! You've already gotten lots of advice, but I have a few things to mention I haven't seen listed directly.

• Keep trying new things (and ignore bad advice)
  People love to give advice about relationships and kids. You've seen it in this thread already; within 24 hours, your post has garnered more comments than most ever get. Some people have really strong opinions about the "right" ways to raise kids. There isn't one right way because every child and family is a little bit different. There are, however, reoccurring patterns. Things that tend to work better. The challenge is to listen to advice, think about why it might work, compare it to what you've tried, and iterate over it until you find something that works. Feel free to ignore people or call out people who are pushy with advice.

• Set healthy boundaries.
  Back to pushy people. Your kids will be the pushiest of people for a long while. Set healthy boundaries for yourself. When I became a dad, there were a million things I wanted to do with and for my kids. But time, energy, and resources are finite. Think about what is most important to you and for them, identify the things within your control that will enable those outcomes, and follow through. And give yourself a pass on the little mistakes along the way. You will lose your temper. You will need to tell them, "No, I can't play right now." You might even regret some of those times. Forgive yourself, and focus on the future with your kids, not the past.

• Look out for your partner and yourself.
  You two won't always agree, will both be tired and stressed and will struggle to find a new normal for a while. Make sure you do your fair share, and then don't feel bad resting when you need to. I suffered from guilt for quite a while, and I struggled to relax if other people were working. For example, I felt bad going back to sleep while my wife was doing night feedings. Well, both of us being awake just means I'm less able to help while she sleeps later. Divide and conquer.

• Buy a little canister of formula, even if you don't plan to use it.
  Lots of people have strong opinions about breastfeeding. And the data shows it is important. But for many reasons outside of your control, the baby might struggle to latch, or your wife might struggle to produce milk, and so on. Do follow up and address those things with your healthcare provider. But at 2 am, if you think the baby isn't getting enough food through no fault of anyone's, having the tools on hand to supplement while you figure things out is a godsend.

• Plan, but not too much.
  Planning is great to prepare you for what might come, but the more beholden you are to the plan, the more disappointment will occur when things don't go right. You might plan on a certain style of birth, and the baby may have other ideas. You might have plans for their education or things to do together that they don't find fun. It's great to plan and brainstorm; just don't try to make life fit the plan when it clearly is headed another way.

I think everyone else has most other things covered. Just remember, take things as they come, keep mixing things up until they work, and focus on teamwork with your partner. Best of luck; it's a lot of fun!

Dad of one who is now 8 years old.

Pregnancy

If you are early in your pregnancy, get some ginger and sour candies to have on hand -- they can really help with morning sickness, although after a while my wife said, "I never want to see anything ginger flavored again."

If there is a doula organization in your area, they probably have open meetings to find out about their services. Studies show that having a doula improves outcomes. Go to one with your wife and see if you think it's for you. Ours was amazing, and worth every penny (I think it cost us around $600). She was familiar with the hospital and the process and she was with us the whole time (unlike the nurses/doctors who come and go). She coached me on what to do to support my wife, and it was very helpful. 100% would do that again.

If there are pregnancy/birth classes, they are definitely worth it. You'll learn a lot about pregnancy, the birth process, and newborn care.

Pack your "go bag" for the hospital earlier than you think. Our daughter came three weeks before her due date (everything was fine, she was 6 hours from being "full term" when born), but I was rushing around the house like I was in a bad cartoon when my wife's water broke.

After the baby comes

You're going to be tired at the beginning. Be patient with yourself. If you're not taking care of the baby, cooking, or working, you should be sleeping. It's okay to ask for help. One week into being at home with the baby, I wrote "we may never eat warm food again." But we did eventually.

Never leave the baby unattended on a changing table or a high surface. Even for a second. Even if you think they can't roll over yet. If you forgot something at the changing table, it's fine to put them on the floor naked or dirty and clean up the mess afterward.

Diapers: we did cloth for the newborn (breastfeeding only) phase, but switched to disposables when she started eating solid food. I preferred the cloth diapers in the early days but was happy to switch when the poop got stinky.

Even if you don't do cloth diapers, you can use the waterproof covers with disposable diapers. They are great for avoiding blowouts, especially on car trips. There are lots of different options (snaps, velcro, etc). If there is a store that sells cloth diapers, they can walk you through the differences and help you choose. The #1 thing is to get one with "double gussets" (two layers of elastic around the leg openings).

Make an emergency baby kit for the car (or each car if you have more than one) with some diapers, wipes, a change of clothes, and emergency snacks (once they are old enough for snacks). Invariably you'll end up somewhere without the diaper bag and it will save your bacon.

It's more rare these days, but eventually you will hit someplace that doesn't have a changing table in the men's room. Don't be embarrassed to ask someone to scout the ladies room for you.

Pack plastic bags in the diaper bag for tying up stinky diapers. This will help in your car, but it is basic human decency everywhere else.

You might want to look into baby-led weaning. Basically, you introduce solid foods around 6 months, and the main idea at the beginning is that they get used to the idea of eating while still getting the majority of their nutrition from breastmilk or formula. We never bought a single jar or pouch of baby food, just gave her a little of what we were eating. It worked very well for us. You do have to be aware of things that young kids shouldn't have (like honey before they are 1 year old), but unless they have allergies, they can have almost anything.

Sleep training is very polarizing, but it worked well for us. Basically, have a consistent routine before bed that signals to the baby that sleep time is coming.

Gear

Get as much used baby stuff as you can. There is a lot of it, and a lot that you don't use for very long, so splashing out for new stuff rarely makes sense. Except for car seats.

Car seats: all of them are safety tested and the cheap ones are as safe as the expensive ones when installed correctly. However, my experience was that very low end ones were harder to strap in tightly. The Chicco ones we had had a ratcheting system on the strap that made is significantly easier to snug down. Make sure you learn how to install it correctly. Often police or fire stations will help you with this. If you have multiple vehicles, it's worth having one per vehicle so that you can get them installed correctly and leave them installed.

Don't buy a used car seat from a stranger. It's okay to take a used seat from someone you trust, but keep in mind that they do expire (check the date printed on it). Car seats should be replaced after a crash of any kind. You can't wash the straps of the car seat in the washing machine.

Put a changing table (or make a changing station) on every floor of your house.

A comfortable glider or rocking chair is a great addition to the nursery. Doubly so if your wife is breastfeeding.

Strollers: A good jogging stroller (big wheels) is great for walks, the zoo, etc. You want it to be easy to get outside and get some exercise. Get an umbrella stroller for backup / times when you don't want to lug the big one around.

Pac-n-play: it's handy to have even at home so you can put the baby down for a nap somewhere other than the nursery. My wife did a fair amount of traveling with the baby (both flying and driving), so we got this baby bjorn one because it was the lightest one available.

Finally, I designed this mobile for the nursery that you can make for yourself by printing the parts on cardstock.

When they are first born, babies can mostly see high-contrast shapes, which is what this is geared for. When she got older, I replaced it with one that had colorful versions of the platonic solids. If you do want to make it, do it now. You definitely won't be doing arts and crafts after the baby comes.

Lots of other good advice and I agree with most of it but I’d advise against getting too much stuff.

You really don’t need that much stuff, for infants. Or toddlers. Everything is a toy to a toddler.

Clothes, lots of clothes, and diapers. Because newborns are filthy puke and poop machines. And a couple sleep sacks. The hospital may well throw a sleep sack your way.

Some bottles, even if you plan to breastfeed. And if you plan to breastfeed a pump and maybe a nipple-nipple in case the little person has trouble latching.

A car seat, a spot to sleep, some nail clippers, and thermometer. That should just about do it for the first few months.

And a spot to sleep for the baby doesn’t need to be fancy or expensive to be safe. It could even be a cardboard box.

If you want a super sweet stroller grab a baby yo-yo. Great for travel since it fits in an overhead. Gate people in the US have no idea about it so they’ll always try to get you to gate check it but you can just say ok and then ignore them. Gate people in Europe say “Oh, it’s a yo-yo. You’re good.”

And the bassinet for it makes it easy to go sit at a coffee shop or a friend’s house and have them in a safe sleeping position rather than in a car seat or in someone’s arms.

But you don’t need much. Seriously, you don’t. You’ll be shocked how little you use regularly, other than clothes, diapers, a car seat, and a spot to sleep. Oh and a little tub to bathe them.

Need to change the baby? Towel on the couch or on the bed.

Need to pour water on their hair at bath time? Grab a cup from the kitchen. Preferably plastic, but a measuring cup could work.

Need to wipe up during a dirty diaper? A cold wet wipe works just as a well as a warm one.

Oh, and limit screen time. Seriously.

When I see an announcement like this a little part of me stresses out because there’s so many things I want to share with you as a dad of two boys, but it’s honestly overwhelming and there’s tons of great tips already posted.

To keep things simple, I’ll leave you with what my dad told me when I found out I was gonna be a dad:

“You can never love them too much.”

Congrats!

The best advice I got was - listen to all of the baby advice you get, understand why that person is giving it to you, and then ignore about 80% of it. Your baby will be unique, your circumstances are unique. What works for one family in one context may not work for you.

Oh and stay off anything like Mumsnet. It's toxic.

I advise you and your partner to do a lot of the things you love for the next 9 months. Go to nice restaurants, travel, go to concerts, and have as much sex as you possibly can. You know, all the things you won't be able to do as much once you have the cutest kid in the whole world ;)

Also, take it one day at a time. It's easy to go a little insane with all that's ahead of you, but remember that you won't have to deal with everything at once. You got this. It'll be fine.

Congratulations ;)

Congrats!! As a soon-to-be STM, a lot of great advice here from dads; I hope it's okay to chime in too. Things I would highlight:

• Accept help. Having our family/friends come over to hold the baby just so I could sleep was a blessing.
• It's okay that you don't bond with the baby as soon as you hold him/her. My husband didn't bond until a few weeks after delivery, while for me it was instant.
• Be patient with your wife and keep an eye out if she's had depression before or even if she hasn't for PPD (Postpartum Depression). I asked this of my husband to not only be patient with me but also be aware of the possibility. Sometimes as women, we don't see it because we're in the hormones/emotions after delivery.

Not a parent, or a man but lots of childcare experience.

Congratulations.

Any high surface, they are at risk for rolling off. Pay attention and hold them steady with one arm or change diapers on the floor. Consider wearing an apron while changing diapers

After they start to crawl, everything they encounter will be tasted, possibly swallowed. Police your floor for choking hazards. Likewise get those covers for electric outlets.

Do not leave them unattended in the bath. Small children have extremely limited capacity to perceive danger or rescue themselves.

Toddlers climb furniture. An unstable bookcase can be very dangerous. They are like cats. They like going up and don't at first know how to get down.

In public places, leashes can be a great idea. Kids are fast and don't signal their impulsive plans.

Physical play can be a lot of fun. Enjoy

Congrats!

My most important advice: find a way that you're comfortable with to say to people giving you unwelcome, unhelpful, unsolicited advice "thanks, but no, shut up and go away". Sometimes people can be quite insistent that they are right and you are wrong, even though you're following advice from your healthcare team and that is supported by modern evidence.

Also, you need to protect your child from harm. But don't stress it. So long as you're not neglecting or abusing your child there's a wide range of parenting from "great" to "it'll be fine, you'll get through this". And sometimes caring loving parents are having a tough time and they get caught in a feedback loop - "this is hard", "I'm not doing well", "my child is suffering as a result" and it's not helpful. The child will be okay, take a breath, you can do this. Part of my work is in patient safety and I talk to parents who had post-partum psychosis and who were detained in MH hospital (SUCKED because they were separated from their child) or in a mother and baby unit, and at the time they felt dreadful because of it. Now, we do want to try to reduce this happening, I'm not saying it's great, but five years later the child is doing well and the parents are doing well too and they've got a lovely family. tl;dr don't beat yourself up, parenting isn't something conducive to optimisation.

Hey there, I'm happy for you and I wish you all the best :) I have two daughters (one is two and the other is one month old) and I can give you the following advice:

• Spend as much time with your kid as you can and turn off your phone, put your books aside, and so on. Babys are so tiny and sleepy only for a very, very short time.
• I find books by Jesper Juul (a Danish family therapist) on bringing up children invaluable. There's so much good advice in there and I also appreciate the general mindset a lot.
• Do a first aid course and a birth preparation course with your partner. Also, save phone numbers such as the poison emergency hotline.
• Search for checklists for all the bureaucratic stuff you need to do in your country. We filled in most of the stuff in all of the documents and it made everything much easier.
• Be prepared that there won't be any time for yourself anymore. Also, know that this is only temporary and that it's absolutely worth it.
• You guys should learn how to wear a baby sling. That will give you a lot of freedom.
• Be prepared for the baby blues.
• Pack a bag with useful stuff for the hospital (clothes, food, tooth brushes, etc.) asap.
• And most importantly: Enjoy the time with your child as much as you can. At some point they won't need us anymore and will want to spend more time with their friends than with us :')

Again, congratulations!

Apologies this is a bit negative in tone, but just wanted to give a perspective that the birth can be a bit of an overwhelming and rough patch so you can try to keep your wits about you.

We had a problem with breastfeeding where our baby likely had a posterior tongue tie and wouldn't properly latch. So my son bit starting from the first feeding, and my wife got very sore and cracked to the point where it was excruciating. The nurses or lactation consultants would offer helpful information like "wow, he's a biter!" and one just straight-up ignored my wife's pain. Only one lactation consultant really paid proper attention to all this at the end and suggested pumping instead of feeding, but it was too late at that point and we abandoned breastfeeding to my wife's disappointment. He's a happy little guy now, but he dealt with reflux for 6-7 months and we'll never know if they could've gone better.

Couple lessons I give off that:

• As someone mentioned, consider a doula. If you have any expectations for how the birth will go, this is the kind of thing they can help look out for as an experienced third party. You may need to be there to help your wife if she's having a rough go and someone else will really be able to help with the blind spots there.

• Your wife lives with this 24/7 and certainly will have expectations about what this will all look like once the baby's out. She and you should know it's not her fault and it's not the baby's fault when things, minor or major, don't line up quite right. It'll be alright, but make sure to keep an extra eye out and an extra shoulder to lean on.

• Keep your skin thick. People will offer all sorts of advice, solicited or not - I am now! - and sometimes it's masked or flat-out aggressive validation seeking that they're raising their kids right. My wife sees a lot of vitriol around breastfeeding especially, with some dickheads online circling around support groups talking about how formula is child abuse or whatever the fuck. You're the parent; do your due diligence, but live with your decisions and don't let morons get too far in your head.

• Watch for post-partum depression or anxiety. She was really overwhelmed by the whole lack of breastfeeding thing, but then it turned silly and took being scared that CPS would come over a diaper rash to seek some care and medication. Hormones are gonna be nutty; give your wife some space, but you may want to discuss with her now how you should both handle it if you think something is off.

All the above stuff was most of the worst - plus some scary pre-eclampsia, losing a month of leave because my company's HR was shitty at communication, and waking up to learn I was sleepwalking while holding the baby on top of a pillow. (I was holding two copies of him in a VERY vivid dream. Sleep when the baby sleeps!) The scary stuff is worth it - just gotta roll with the punches sometimes.

If you're ever feeling down in the first couple months, tell yourself to wait until they smile for the first time - I promise all that melts away in an instant. Huge congratulations :)

Everyone's giving good advice. This isn't advice, but more of a story. After a couple days, mother in law stayed with wife and told me to go home and sleep for a bit before coming back. I walked home, walked to bed, and laid down. I was probably out in 10 seconds. It was the best nap I've ever had in my life.

If there's a lesson here, it's that you're going to be very tired for a very long time. The first week, me and my wife looked at each other and said "we can't do this". But every single week gets better. Your body adapts and normalises everything.

Your life's gonna change. You can't even imagine :-D

Kids are great!

Congratulations!

I'm in the hospital holding my two-day old son in my arms right now as my wife naps in the hospital bed. This experience has overwhelmed me in every way possible and I have tears coming down my face as I write this. This is the best experience of my life.

I'm too tired to give any advice except to enjoy it, and do skin to skin contact as much as you can to get the oxytocin flowing.

Already posted a few times in this thread, but another thought occurred to me: Don't make the child/ren the absolute center of each parents world.

Kids are great, I love mine, I try to do all I can for them, but I can't let them be the end-all-be-all of my existence and neither can my wife, nor should she. These children were built from the people and the relationship that came before and will only be raised adequately if that relationship and those people remain a strong foundation. It's for this reason that my wife and I try to make sure each other is taking care of themselves and has time to do the things they want to do by themselves or with their own friends.

For instance, my wife was very lovely this weekend and took mine to TWO birthday parties Saturday and Sunday and let me just focus on my hobby all day both days and I will do the same when she finds something that she needs or wants to do for herself.

But also, it's important to maintain this relationship. Both of us try to make sure the other come first before the kids. We do everything for the kids all day, every day, but we ensure that we maintain our own relationship by getting out when we can (trying to get childcare as often as possible, which is an incredible challenge. Thankfully we have lots of family nearby), even if it's just for an hour or two to go to dinner or see a movie. Speaking of, we do "Adult Movie Night" (Not what it sounds like) every Wednesday, after the kids are in bed. Here we're obligated to put our devices down and focus on one particular thing and spend the time together on the couch; neither of us are allowed to pick up our phones and be distracted. This has helped alleviate some of the need for a consistent date night (which again, is hard to achieve) and really allows us to just be together.

If your partner is planning on breastfeeding at all find an IBCLC near you and schedule a visit for a week or two after she gives birth. Our IBCLC has been more helpful than all other medical providers for the baby combined. The way your baby eats (or doesn’t) has a huge impact on their happiness! Plus for a first time mom, breastfeeding can be a huge challenge. Get her the support she needs!

Congratulations mate!

Make sure you and your partner look after your own physical and mental health.

When you're a dad, it can get pretty lobely in a weird way because all your energy, as well as your partner's, is focused on something new. So take some time for yourself and reach out if you need to.

And relax. Babies are actually pretty sturdy, and a lot of fun.

Good luck!

As a parent, the only piece of advice I've been giving to parents-to-be is to document. Someone above mentioned photos and videos, but I've favored just a simple text log. While at the beginning this will mostly be 'firsts', both positive and negative (e.g. first solid food or first medical emergency), later on it can become a log of the kid(s) efforts to interact with the world around them. Sometimes these are FUNNY as hell, as mine still crack up when I remind them of the completely illogical thing they insisted on back when they were five.

I don't know if this is allowed but I have a whole email with advice to first time parents that I share with expecting friends. It includes registry ideas, sample birth plan docs, stuff to ask a potential pediatrician, etc. Any interest in all that? If so, let me know how to contact you to email you. Not a scam, just a parent trying to help other parents. :) No need to reinvent the wheel, right?