(inspired by a deleted post. I'll respect the user and just make this a generic topic.)

What was the hardest part about growing up into an independent adult for you? Was there some advice or mental Eureka! moment that gave you a big boost?

Affordability and employment are at a crisis level for our youth these days. Want to share some hardships you experienced, or big hurdle you had to navigate out of, as a way to encourage others that things will get better?

When do you decide you can no longer ethically work somewhere?
What would be your line?
Would your ability to do harm reduction or meaningfully change the situation make a difference in your decision?

Have you acted on these stances before?

I'm in the midst of wedding planning and would like to hear your experiences, as I have only been to one wedding.

I'm curious about if you've picked up on any unique considerations that went into the structural/event design as well as the emotional takeaway from attending the event:

What made that wedding distinct from the others?
What aspects of the wedding did you find thoughtful and memorable?
How did that wedding make you feel as a guest?
How do you want to feel as a guest at a wedding?

The Reboot!

I used to run a series of "Screenless Day" monthly posts that were aimed at nudging people to put a short pause on the toxic aspects of tech in their life. They never got much traction, but it was also hard to tell if people were participating because they wouldn't necessarily be here commenting on it and would instead be, you know, off doing other things.

There has been some renewed interest in the idea recently, so I decided to reboot the series and see how it goes now (especially because the wider tech landscape is arguably worse than it was back when I first started them).

The spirit of Screenless Day remains the same as it always has been:

a simple event aimed at encouraging people to take a temporary step away from toxic or consuming aspects of technology and spend their time and energies elsewhere

Anyone can choose to take a Screenless Day at any time, but the idea is to nudge people towards doing it over the first weekend of the month. Each new discussion topic will go live on the first Friday of the month, and it will remain open for the duration of the month.

It is strongly encouraged that you talk about your Screenless Day here, as part of the fun of the event is that, even though you might be doing something independently, your actions fit into a larger community picture of other people here sharing the same values.

Also, to promote both reflection and discussion on the goals of Screenless Day, each month I will be including a new discussion question to provide people the opportunity to reflect on their relationship with technology and keep the topic more “alive” and visible.

This Month

In addition to the once again regularly scheduled Screenless Day, there are a couple of housekeeping things for our first month back:

1. Building a notification list.

I will be building a notification list to be pinged each time a monthly Screenless Day topic goes up. Anyone commenting in this topic will be included by default. If you do NOT want to be included in the list, please let me know in your comment.

2. Changing the name?

"Screenless Day" can be a bit misleading (see the FAQ below), so I'm open to other name ideas. Everything I can come up with tends to sound negative however (e.g. "Pause Toxic Tech" day or something), and I want the name to be a simple but positive one.

Monthly Discussion

Use this topic to:

1. Talk about your plans for an upcoming Screenless Day.
2. Tell everyone what you chose to do for your Screenless Day, and how it went.
3. Reflect on your relationship with technology.

This month's discussion question:

• Of all the tech you use in your life, what platform/app/device/etc do you feel has the most overall negative impact on you? Why do you think that is?

FAQ

Bureaucratic nonsense; a glaring inefficiency; “that’s just how we do things here”; etc.

Whatever it is, it’s absurd, but you’re also powerless to do anything about it and just have to live with it.

Tell us all about it.

Note: “workplace” can refer to career, school, home — wherever you do work in the face of absurdity

I've been having a bit of a midlife crisis (well, I'm 31 so technically not there yet but...) and was hoping maybe some kind folks on Tildes could give me some perspective. Apologies in advance for the long-winded post.

I currently work my "dream" job. I put that in quotes because I'm a freelance translator which, as you might expect, has not been the best place to be at for the last couple of years. Nonetheless, it was the job I wanted to do when I got into university 7 years ago so it's what I'd say is the only "calling" I've had.

Because I've only ever done this, I feel like I missed out on opportunities and soft skills that a person might typically develop early in their career at more typical jobs. I was fortunate to have an accommodating family who really let me try as hard as I could in the translation field until I could succeed, which unfortunately I haven't as much as I wanted to.

Because of all this, I've now been looking for non-specialized jobs anyone can do in order to at least have a more stable income. But I feel like just working at say a McDonald's or other less skilled jobs won't get me very far in life. Yes I can do translation on the side as a supplement and maybe one day I'll get lucky enough to score a well-paying client (I know it's possible but just haven't had the chance yet), but that's a lot of ifs for comfort. At the moment I can't even focus on paying my bills, let alone try to have a life outside my job or a partner or basically anything, and that's what also sorta torpedo'd the intense anxiety I've been having.

So I've been pondering seriously going back to university to get another degree, as some of my friends and acquaintances have done. The problem is I just don't know how to even go about finding something that can give me a better professional life and that I connect with in some capacity. I've been so sheltered and non-diversified for 7 years that now I have very little to connect with.

I thankfully live in a country where university is not a big financial investment, so that's not an issue. But as I've been warned by others (and agree myself), jumping into a degree when I only have nebulous ideas about my future in it is a good way to ensure I burn myself out and waste my time. I can't just pick a degree because "it'll pay well." It has to be something I can actually concentrate on and feel the drive to work toward. Otherwise I'll probably be back on this road again, just in a different way (low end skilled work is as poorly paid as unskilled work where I live).

I've been eyeing typical big engineering degrees like computer science and mechanical engineering. Looking at jobs they can provide makes them sound somewhat interesting (robots are cool, right?), but it still all feels very nebulous, like nothing fully clicks. It's like I can't find something that's more guaranteed to pay well and where I also feel "this is where I want to be."

I'm also constantly worried about "what if I choose wrong" and wondering if I won't be good enough or stand out and just set myself up for another bad career. The choice paralysis is very real. And reading testimonials online, no matter for what field, just makes things feel more bleak (I should probably stop that), though there is occasionally some positivity.

The way I describe my mental state right now is "I want a job that will let me not have to worry about surviving 24/7, but I don't know what that might look like." It could be working at McDonald's or some menial office job and then doing translation on the side (AKA the only "calling" I've ever fully clicked with), it could be becoming an engineer, or maybe it's something else entirely I haven't found yet. I don't know.

I also know that sometimes all it takes is to try something out to see if you like it, so I'm not ruling the possibility that maybe I'll just click with a degree after I get into it, but until I have that opportunity I'd like ask fellow Tildeans: how would you go about finding a new calling in life in a situation like this?

I know there's no silver bullet answer and that nobody can decide my life for me, but I feel as though I'm missing the tools to make that decision for myself.

Life is especially stressful lately, and with that my usual sleep struggles are just getting worse. When I was younger, I struggled to fall asleep - and at times, I still do - and I was able to develop some strategies that helped me soothe my overactive mind (ADHD brain goes brrrrr). As I'm getting older, I'm having a different problem come up though.

Now the trouble isn't so much getting to sleep as it is staying asleep long enough to get the rest I need, or at least want. For example, this past week has been the first week of school for me as a teacher. It is absolutely exhausting. I crash out between 8/9pm every night. Then I find myself awake at 2/3am without fail and just toss and turn until either I eke out a half hour of sleep before my alarm at 5am or just give up and get up.

Of course those hours I spend lying awake in bed are the perfect time for my mind to turn to dark and terrible thoughts as well. The small hours of the morning are apparently perfect for this. That's a whole other thing I'm working on dealing with.

I know this isn't a unique problem, I know that there isn't a catch all solution, I'd just love to hear some different ideas on what to do about it.

I know each person is different and if there's one autistic person's experience that's one person's experience. I'm aiming to spread a wide net here and gather stories to see the diverse range. What I'm looking for is something beyond the "well, you just do it / you start with small steps" experience: assume one can't.

Second hand accounts welcome if you know someone who has difficulties they were able to overcome.

I was talking to someone who could visualize something with microscopic clarity in their mind and that's why they couldn't draw, because any approximation, no matter how close, is not 100%, and that produces enough internal suffering that the task can't be done.

That the sentence "if it's good enough it's good enough" is nearly offensive and also nonsensical: there is the perfect and then there is failure which causes suffering, nothing exists in the middle.

So I'm curious: as an individual, do you have difficulty with .....

• breaking down a complex task into smaller achievable tasks?

• competing very simple tasks that have been broken down for you that leads to that complex task, whether because it's trivial or because now you're being told or some other hurdle?

• mentally being okay with practice / rudimentary exercises because it's not the whole completed perfect thing?

How did you learn to do something that requires practice [from you] to become good at? Do you tend to over rely then on skills that came "for free" to you? If you can see yourself getting better with practice doing that free talent, and you have a hard time learning a new thing that you couldn't also instantly do, why does the experience of improvement from one area doesn't translate into feelings of possibility that it could apply to another?

Hi, my family is moving to Japan in November, from US Midwest to Noto/Kanazawa area, and I’m wondering if there are things recommended to specifically bring from the US or things to wait to buy in Japan due to quality or price differentials (or straight up availability).

I’m 6’3”, so I’m buying shoes/boots/sandals in US, as well as pants/shirts. My wife is similarly tall. Kids are tall for their age, but still will get clothes in jp.

We are moving solely by plane, so no shipping containers or other moving services— it has to fit in suitcases.

If anyone can speak to online shopping in rural Japan, let me know if that’s as ubiquitous as it is here (it’s something I personally almost never do here, but i assume I’ll have to do more in jp just for sizing when it comes to clothes, though I’m not a big wardrobe guy anyway).

Bonus question: family cargo ebikes in Japan? Is that common yet? I’ve got an Urban Arrow here and it’s probably by favorite object of mine, and would love to get something similar (or long tail passenger rack) in jp.

Thanks!

I have often wondered if I over prepare - if I have a tendency to carry too many things with me “just in case”. I aspire to minimalism, but I definitely fail to achieve it in practice. Indeed, it’s not rare for me to go on holiday and pack several items of clothes for situations which do not materialise, or simply to realise that I’ve been carrying some item in my backpack every day for several months while never using it.

Well, today I was very happy to have a random item in my backpack that had been sitting there unused for god-knows how long.

European Tilderinos are likely also looking forward to the imminent near-total solar eclipse. I‘ve been really looking forward to it, and my partner and I had made plans to rendezvous at a park in our city after to work view it. But as I go to leave work, I realise: (minor) disaster! I am an optically-impaired person (I need glasses), but since I did not put on my contact lenses this morning, I will have to wear my eclipse-goggles over my spectacles! What a fool I will appear to everyone else at the park!

…and then I remembered: I almost always make sure to have a spare pair of contact lenses in my most-used bags (I wear dailies, so it’s cheap to set a small handful of pairs aside for this purpose) such that if I have a contact lens emergency while I’m out, I can safely remove the problematic pair and replace them with a fresh pair. Of course I also usually carry around my glasses if I’m wearing my lenses, but this isn’t always practical, or it may be important for me to be able to resume wearing lenses (if I am to playing sports, for example).

Now you might wonder why this fact slipped my mind initially, that would be because I’ve been wearing contact lenses for well over a decade, and in the last five or so years I don’t think I’ve had a single incident. But I remain hopefully that a past version of myself may still have been practicing over-preparedness…

So, I go a-rummaging in my backpack and, lo and behold, I do indeed have a set of emergency contacts! Now I will be able to stare directly at the sun mildly more conveniently! Thanks, past me!

(Perhaps you can tell that this situation made my extremely happy, hence why I felt the need to share.)

Have a lovely solar eclipse day (to all who celebrate)!

https://ibb.co/8gNqgSKR

so, I want to create a sliding shelf system

ideally, in its stationary state (ie when its near the roof and not taking up any walking around space), its only 27 inches tall so that its not low enough to get in the way of me
and when I need it, I can I pull it down to access stuff on it. the lowest I can pull it without it getting in the way of anything is 63 inches from the roof. but I doubt I would ever need to pull it that low, just wanted to make it clear the range I have the potential for.

it can be a max of 20 inches wide without getting in the way of either cabinet door on either side.

the kitchen is too small for me to allow it to rest on the ground and since I live in a rental, I don't want to drill into the wall and am instead looking to anchor it to piece of wood that would be resting on top of the cabinets on either side.
the piece of wood (or multiple pieces of wood, I don't know what is best) can be 4 inches wide by 11 inches high and the space above the cabinets can provide for 10 inches of depth for the wood to rest on.

is what I am envisioning possible?

I assume I have to custom make this myself and cant order something like this from a store?

Hi all,

I know this is probably going to be a bit of an incoherent mess of a post but my wife and I have not had a very good day and I'd just like to share my feelings, and make a simple request for anyone who might be reading this. This is also a sad story, so if you are not in a great headspace, I'd suggest skipping this. I swear I'm not trying to be a burden.

My wife and I have been fostering dogs with a local rescue for years now. We absolutely love it and it truly is one of the only things that make us feel like we are able to make the world a little bit of a better place. It can be tough sometimes but we always say "There will always be another dog to help" and that has helped keep us going.

Three or four years back we had a lovely old man foster dog named Elvis. Absolute sweetheart. If you thought of a soft gentle dopey old man dog, it was Elvis. He loved his toys, but in a funny way. He would just carry them around with him ENDLESSLY. But not all of his toys, it was either his little marshmallow stuffy or his little cookie stuffy. And I mean he took these things everywhere. To bed, on the couch, walking around the house and even outside to hold while using the bathroom. He would even try it on walks if we let him. He was the perfect old man dog and we loved him dearly.

Well, eventually he had an application for an adoption and he was picked up by an older individual and that was the last we saw or heard of Elvis. Life just kind of moved on.

Until this week.

The universe sometimes works in cruel ways. Earlier this week, my wife, while scrolling through social media happens upon a post from another local animal shelter we follow. The post was about a stray dog whom has been picked up and the owner could not be contacted. My wife showed me and said it looked like Elvis. And initially, I didn't think so. Maybe? I mean like sure, but a shell of his former self. He was so thin. He looked like a skeleton. He was so unkept and neglected that it really only kind of looked like him. There was no way it was him. He was so old and frail looking. I wasn't so sure.

Until I looked at a photo of him on my phone. We were convinced it was him. My wife immediately called our foster agency and they contacted the shelter. The microchip confirmed it. It was Elvis. The shelter nor the foster agency could get ahold of the adopter. And no one had any idea what had happened or how long he had been like this. It was so upsetting to hear. My wife and I both knew immediately we had to go and get our boy back, even if it meant we held onto him for the rest of his days. Didn't matter. It was devastating but we were glad to know he had been picked up and was safe at the shelter.

But it wasn't that simple. He had to be on stray hold for a few days to give his owner a chance to come and get him, and was on medical hold too. Initially they had thought he had been hit by a car because of his inability to stand and he was in really rough shape. My wife and I said that's fine, we can pick him up on Friday and we will make sure he gets the care he needs. We are fortunate that our foster agency has a lifetime promise to always take care of an animal should an owner surrender the dog or cat.

Not to stray from the story too much but my wife and I also have a cat. We've had since we were first together. He is our first real pet. We have had him for years now and he is our baby. Well, he's been battling cancer for the last year or so and these last few weeks have been tough. Long story short he had an emergency today and had to go to the vet.

Things did not go all that well. He had a lot of fluid in his chest and it made it so he was having a very difficult time breathing. He needed to have the fluid drained immediately and it was jaring to watch. While this is going on, someone from the shelter that was holding Elvis called. It turns out that he hadn't been hit by car. His heart was failing and he was likely to be put to sleep. Today. It was a complete shock on top of an already shitty day.

Once our cat was was stable and we were able to take him home, we wanted to go and be with Elvis for his final minutes. It only seemed fair. We didn't want him to be surrounded by strangers and scared.

But the shelter wouldn't let us.

They wouldn't let us see our boy one last time. I know he hasn't been our boy in years, and I know he was never really our boy, but I still remember him like it was yesterday! And I just wanted to apologize for what happened! I just wanted to hold him one more time but I couldn't.

Elvis, I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry for this lengthy and probably stupid post but my wife and I have been dealing with a rather emotional day and I wasn't sure how else to process it. We've talked and it's been hard,. We just held each other and cried. I've cried while writing this. Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully it will be better.

I have one simple ask for anyone who might consider adopting. Please, please, please, get the contact information of the fosters, if the agency allows it. Send them photos of the dogs, or cats. It's a hard thing to do and just getting those little reminders that's our foster dogs and cats are out there living a beautiful little life genuinely fills my wife and I with so much happiness it's impossible to describe. Anyone who has fostered would feel the same. Even if it's once a blue moon. Please. Do it. It's means more than I could ever really state.

I'm going to stay off the Internet for a bit to try and get in a better state of mind and spend sometime with my wife. If you made it this far and read this whole thing. Thank you. I appreciate you and I hope you have a good day.

Please give your pets a big squeeze and forehead kiss for me, and for Elvis.

Edit

Its been a few days offline and my and my wives mental health has improved considerably. We ended up going to Trader Joes, then to our friends kids birthday and catching the new Spiderman movie. Its been a nice reprieve.

Thank you all so much for the kind words. I found myself getting emotional again reading through all of the comments. I really cannot express how much I am grateful for the support. Hearing the stories from the other fosters in this thread who have shared their experiences has been so reassuring.

Some good news - we did hear that the shelter is going to going to send us copies of his paw prints. While I appreciate the thought and the sentiment, I really would have just preferred to see him one last time. Our cat is doing better, but we and his vet, do not think he will be with us much longer so we are enjoying every moment we can. Our current foster dog has an application and is set to get adopted sometime this week and we will be picking up another foster as well.

Found myself working a bit too hard lately, started to experience some stress from my pointless busywork white collar job. Remembered this time to wonder why am I stressed about something that doesn't matter?

Perfect timing, my boss decided today to let me know that he won't be approving any more vacation for the rest of the year because even though we have unlimited, apparently the limit is 20 days.

We've got a deadline coming up and honestly I'm just gonna take a break for the rest of the week. I need it, I deserve it, I've been busting my ass for no reason cause the end result is the same and no one uses our product, a year from now it probably won't even exist any more, and five years from now I'll have to go back to school and retrain to do some other job.

I was really doing fine until today. I make great money, I work from home, I actually get vacation, I know I can just take a sick day with no planning and that's fine, it's just so fucking stupid that they WANT me to take an unplanned day off or quiet quit for a few days when I need it instead of just allowing me to plan some fucking vacation.

Edit - this blew up, I don't mean to be all doomer. I'm just upset. There's beauty to life outside of my work situation.