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What made that wedding that you attended particularly memorable?
I'm in the midst of wedding planning and would like to hear your experiences, as I have only been to one wedding.
I'm curious about if you've picked up on any unique considerations that went into the structural/event design as well as the emotional takeaway from attending the event:
What made that wedding distinct from the others?
What aspects of the wedding did you find thoughtful and memorable?
How did that wedding make you feel as a guest?
How do you want to feel as a guest at a wedding?
The ceremony itself was like five minutes, did not include a pitch for the officiant's religion, and the vows were not full of trite, bad poetry.
Weddings should be for celebration, not solemnity, IMO. Give me BBQ and dancing, not an hour-long ritual you may or may not have invented just for this occasion.
I agree with both points. My wife and I are Lutheran, and we trimmed out the communion and all the hymns from our mostly-traditional wedding ceremony - almost none of the guests would be able to participate in the communion (since Lutheran communion excludes non-Lutherans, even if they're Christians in another denomination) and we had enough non-Christian guests that we didn't want to make feel left out or forced to participate. The vows had nods to our favorite geeky interests, but not overt quotes, and I think they went smoothly.
Hey what is Lutheran? I attended a funeral last week in a Lutheran church and it just seemed to be the belief that we live again after we die, which seems like an oversimplification, and then wikipedia gave too much info, so I'm still confused.
warning: am not lutheran, though it's what probably most people around me are
basically, instead of having to speak through a priest to talk to god, you can talk directly to god. Cut out the middle man. This is different than catholicism, and it was a big change, and it didn't go well.
Oh that's...Not what I thought at all. You know, the sermon was probably just because I was at a funeral.
You did kind of catch one of the core parts of Christianity though. Christians believe that when believers die, they are reunited with God in heaven where they will live eternally. This is the "live again after we die" that you mentioned. What happens to non-believers is less clear - the book of Revelations, which describes the end times, claims their souls will be cast into a lake of fire alongside Satan. What happens after that isn't really mentioned. The idea of Hell as a place of punishment that is ruled by the devil is a pop culture fabrication, however.
He really seemed like he meant like 'live again in the same body' like on Earth and I was super confused about that too, I guess he was just being dramatic?
He may have kind have meant that. One fairly orthodox belief across many Christian denominations is that eternity will be some sort of bodied existence in a new/restored united heaven (God’s space) and earth (human space). This is a major simplification, but Paul talks about how when Jesus rises from the dead in a resurrection body (still a recognizable body that can eat and do normal human stuff, but he appears/disappears a bunch of times and then is able to enter heaven), he is the beginning of the new creation, and we will participate in that kind of resurrection/new creation with him. This also includes the idea that the world was created good and as a place for humans to thrive, but we/sin broke that down, so God overarching plan is to restore creation and live with us in what he made for us. Again, some major oversimplifications, but maybe that helps interpret what you heard?
Christianity is broken into many denominations, all of which believe the same core tenets but differ in the details. Lutheran is one of those denominations, named after its founder Martin Luther.
For a very long time the Catholic Church was the most dominant Christian belief system, and they had significant political power. There was also the Eastern Orthodox Church but that's a different story. In the early 1500's, a big schism formed due to disagreements with some church practices and the church fractured. Catholicism remained as a major denomination but many other protestant denominations, including Lutheran, Calvinist, Methodist, Protestant (a specific denomination), and Anglican all formed as a result.
If you want more info, I recommend looking into the Reformation as a general starting point. I can also answer more specific questions that you have.
People seem to frequently bring up the part where we did a sideshow to hide the announcement my wife was pregnant. Not sure if you want to go for that one.
One I went to had a wall fold away to reveal - set to Willy Wonka - that there was an additional 50% of the hall just dedicated to a dessert buffet with everything from the cake to jello shots to chocolate, dark chocolate, and white chocolate fondue fountains. I was impressed, but that may just be because I really like white chocolate.
One thing we did at our wedding, and something I've seen done at others, is to give centerpieces, flowers, etc. to your guests if they would like to take them. Obviously don't do this if you want to keep some of it for yourself, but if it's something that would get thrown away or otherwise discarded, it can instead become something nice for your guests to remember the wedding (especially close family).
Important note is to make them obvious as giveaways. My aunt prepared my cousin's wedding and bought the flowers, vases, and wine glasses. The glasses were giveaways, but they weren't labeled. Nobody took any except us and one lady who asked about them when we were cleaning up.
They had chocolate bars as giveaways too. If they had simply put one in each wine glass, I'm sure people would have realized they could take the wine glasses.
I agree that gifts for the guests are memorable
My husband and I didn’t want to do wedding favors because they felt like a colossal waste of money for kitschy stuff that’s most likely going to end up as either forgotten clutter or trash.
Instead, my husband came up with a brilliant alternative.
We placed a little heart token at each seat at the reception. On one of the side tables we placed three jars, each with a big sign of a charity we support (we did the Special Olympics, a local LGBTQ youth organization, and the adoption agency through which we got our dog).
Guests were instructed that, in lieu of a party favor, they could deposit their heart into the charity of their choosing, and we would make a donation to each charity based on the amount in the jar (we set the value of each heart to $8, as we had been together for 8 years at the time). We had little table tents explaining the process, and also had the DJ announce it.
This was SUCH a hit. People LOVED it. It essentially felt like they were donating their wedding favor to charity (which they did more than willingly), and the fact that they had to choose between them sparked a lot of really good discussions and made their choices meaningful. We genuinely got a ton of compliments about the idea. I’m really proud of my husband for coming up with it, and I think it speaks wonders to the kindness of his heart.
In the post-wedding, post-honeymoon blur, we sat down together, counted out the hearts, and then made large donations to each organization. This felt really good because we had just spent a lot of money on ourselves for the wedding+honeymoon and also received a lot of money in gifts. With all the focus on us, it was really satisfying to do something significant for others and share our goodwill. It made our wedding feel like it fit into a bigger, more meaningful picture. It made us feel more connected with the world.
Now, this charity idea was memorable on its own, but what really made it stick is that some of the people in attendance at our wedding also chose to do it for theirs afterwards. We’ve been to two weddings since where the same setup was used (and know of more who did but we weren’t there).
For the first one we went to, I actually cried when I saw their setup mirroring ours. The wedding was mere days after Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, and I ended up crying again when I went to spend my token later in the evening and saw that the jar for Ukrainian aid had gotten almost every single one. Some people even put in additional cash. The hurt everyone was feeling was undoubtedly fresh, but the want to help was also urgent and powerful. It was genuinely beautiful to see such strong, unequivocal support from so many different people.
At the second wedding, the bride and groom, during their announcement about the charity tokens, had my husband and I stand up and let everyone know that they got the idea from us. It was quite an honor.
That's a great idea. And could be done at other kinds of parties too.
Speaking of party favors (and another comment about centerpieces), I've been to a few weddings where the centerpieces are actual potted plants which guests can take home. One of them had centerpieces that were all cuttings of plants from their own garden, propagated months earlier.
We were told to dress in a way that made us feel magical. Most of the guests, especially the older folk, wore pretty standard semi-formal attire. I chose to dress in a tie-front shirt from the renfest and a bright red woven vest. A friend who saw pictures after asked why I looked like a hobbit, which is the exact vibe I was going for!
The ceremony was short and the celebration was long, the venue was gorgeous inside and out and the food was splendid. As a guest I felt comfortable and welcomed but I also felt the weight of the occasion. I think that was as perfect as I have ever felt as a wedding guest.
Coming from someone whose wedding was less than two years ago, I think there are two key things for you to keep in mind:
Congratulations on the engagement! If you have questions, feel free to ping me.
20 years later and we still get comments about our wedding. Short non denominational ceremony. We each had a brides maid and bridesman and a groomsman and groomsman which raised a couple eyebrows with the older folks. But it was 15 min long, then 3 hours of apps, food, drinks, dancing. We had buses between the hotel and venue so none had to drive, the hotel had views of NYC. We just wanted our guests to be well fed and have a stress free good time.
The bus! I had forgotten about this, but weddings with busses between the hotel(s) and the venue were great. Not only were they their own little pre and post party, but they absolutely improved safety for the majority of the guests.
Oh yeah, the bus was fun.
Venue helps a lot. The best one I went to was at some farm on a hill, converted of course to a fancy event venue. The neighboring plots were still farms. I vaguely recall one even had some sheep that wandered up to the fence. Up on that hill, with nothing but low farmland all around, the sunset and night sky were fantastic. They had a bunch of comfy chairs and tables set up outside so you could take a break from the dance party, relax with some friends, and enjoy the view.
One had agua de plátano (banana agua fresca), which was uncommon enough to be memorable.
One had the ceremony and reception at the same venue - guests just moved chairs from the seating in the middle to the tables and suddenly we were ready for dinner and dancing.
Comforts:
Hot food wins over fancy food. I fondly remember shredded brisket in big chafing pans.
Having places at the reception that aren't all loud music and pressure to dance, where you can decompress or have a conversation, is always appreciated.
Yes, i appreciate weddings mostly for seeing old friends and talking. Any opportunity to sit somewhere a little quieter, comfortably, and chat with old friends over a drink is something I'll take.
My wife and I hired the DJ who did my sister's wedding because we thought he was great. He was the 2nd most expensive part of the day (behind the venue) but was absolutely worth it. He coordinated with all of our vendors, MC'd the whole evening (obviously), met with us several times before the wedding to find out what we definitely wanted to do/didn't want to do, what kind of music to play, coordinated a trivia game so our guests weren't clinking glasses to get us to kiss all night, got facts about all of our bridal party so he could roast everyone during the grand march. It was great, 100% would hire him again
The last wedding I went to had a great DJ, and I realized that every prior wedding had only mediocre DJs. Just good mixing, actually read the room well, had a good lights setup, etc. Not as good as yours sounds, but still good.
Guests were asked for song picks along with their dinner choice on the RSVP, and those songs were incorporated into the set list.
Yeah my wife and I compare the DJ at every wedding to ours and no one even comes close. A good DJ makes all the difference for the reception imo
One cool thing at my brother's recent wedding was that each table was numbered, and then given "time capsule" cards where you could write a private message that would not be opened until that numbered anniversary.
They also hired not just a photographer and videographer, but a "content creator" who would record fun shortform candid videos that could be more immediately shared with people who couldn't make it.
I imagine that you are well past making a similar decision, but here is what my wife and I did (and our 9 year anniversary was yesterday*).
We got married in the Boundary Waters (BWCA) in northern minnesota, on a beach on a lake. BWCA only allows 4 canoes and 9 people in any group, only one group per site, and sites are always solo, a few around a lake. We had the trip planned with friends for a few months, and with a few more months left before we went we decided we would get married and that we would do it on the trip.
I'm so glad we did it this way, and honestly it was never a hard decision. A few days before we left for the trip we had a professional photographer take wedding photos with us and my parents and grandma at a an outdoor location in the city. It was like $300-400, way cheaper than at a wedding and more fun. We wore our wedding clothes, and got great pictures.
Speaking of clothes, I wore a suit I already had and my wife bought a white bridesmaid dress for $100. Her ring was $300 or something, mine was $60 (was a returned but otherwise new ring).
For the 5 day canoe trip we told friends that we would pay for the BWCA permit, a baseline of food but nothing fancy, and they could bring better food if they wanted. We said no gifts, but someone bought us some nice camp chairs that we still use weekly. Everyone brought some food upgrades, including one guy who secretly hauled a yeti cooler in his duluth pack, filled with bacon wrapped beefsteaks, fresh fruit, veggies, butter, cream, cheese, etc. That guy ended up catching us a walleye dinner for our wedding night.
The actual wedding date was decided on the day-of since the weather was nice. It happened on a beach, with a friend officiating. The wine cooled in a natural cold water spring that came out of the woods, pooled on the beach, and emptied into the lake. The ceremony happened at sunset, we got some more photos of us canoeing around in our wedding attire, and then danced on the beach until it eventually rained.
We spent maybe $1500 on the trip, total. As a result of the amount of money we saved, we bought a house soon after, and honestly I just can't believe how much money is spent on a single day. Financial burden is at the root of so many relationship issues, it's insane to me that the first day of a marriage can be responsible for starting that stone rolling. My parents were relieved to not have to do any planning or having big expenses themselves. So many people I've told this story to say "man, we should have done that".
I totally understand it's not for everyone, but I do think people get tunnel vision about weddings and aren't looking at the day after.
Edit: I asked my wife how much the photos were and she says "are you telling people to not have a wedding again?". I'll come up with more ideas that actually answer your question later.
I worked a few weddings. The only one I particularly remember was a Jewish wedding where the couple brought a 12 Liter bottle of Champagne (from California, not true champagne). We poured it from decanters, and the couple was planning to have the guests sign it as a keepsake. I thought it was a fun idea.
It didn’t end up working well, mostly because the event planner didn’t communicate the plan to us. We chilled it on ice as we would normally do, so the label was soaked and didn’t dry out enough to write on in time.
If you want to do something like this, I would recommend trying it before hand on as close to the exact bottle you intend to use. Ask the winery if they use the same label type for their large formats and test it on a 750mL. Possibly get one that has an engraved label and have people write on the glass with sharpie. Make sure to communicate with the venue to chill it in a fridge or freezer if possible, not an ice bath. And if using sharpie on bare glass, the glass will need to warm up to room temperature and be dry before it will work.