Friends believe in peace, kindness, simplicity, listening, non-violence, emotional understanding, activism, continuous learning and revelation, silence, togetherness, the inner light within all people, silent togetherness, friendship, love, respect for life. You may know Friends as Quakers. Some of your children may attend Friends schools. Friends gather at Meeting for Worship. Meeting (unprogrammed) is quiet and contemplative; individual; punctuated by the voice of spirit (you and I); an opportunity to be heard, and not be judged, and to hear, and to not judge; to connect. It is thoughtful, and beautiful, and somber, and joyous. And unlike anything else in my life.

I attend meeting in a very old house. It is beautiful and smells of ancient wood, with benches far beyond the years of the bricks around them. History runs deep in such spaces. Death, too: it is a burial ground many generations over, but these days we find it to be a garden both literally and otherwise. For a time, this place had dwindled (so I am told), but now it seems fresh and full of life. We come and we sit and we stand and we speak and we sing. The little ones do their best to keep still, but we know they're moved to run about, for that is the way of things. I don't mind. They are our future.

I was grateful to have been invited by Friends to a retreat out in the country. The residence was rustic and the setting was scenic, calm, and I had been there once for another purpose. I could tell that it was full of meaning. There was space to adventure. I did so. My cohort, which you might broadly call young adult, does not often have space to reveal ourselves. After so many years of repression, we instinctively put up barriers and we forget what it means to really laugh and feel. The goal of the retreat was to provide an open forum for emotional communion, especially getting in touch with who we were (have been), are, and will be. It was not prescriptive. As time passed, our leaders invited two elders to share in and expand our thought with teachings, music, video, movement, objects. Some examples of tone:

• "Welcome."
• "Friend speaks my mind."
• "That of the spirit is within you and I."
• "You were once very small; smaller than this seed."
• "Spirit moves me to vocal ministry."
• "You are among Friends."
• "What do you think?"
• "We love you."

A few specific words stand out to me from the retreat: "BREATHE" "DELIGHT" "LISTEN" "MUSIC" "VISION" "SMALL" "GROW" "THANK YOU" "HELPING" "FRIEND" "FRIENDS" "WORSHIP" "MUSTARD" "LAUGHTER" "JOY" "COMMUNITY" "REVEALING" "HEART" "SING" "SPACE" "CLEAN" "LIGHT" "STARS" "PEACEFUL" "PASTORAL" "WOODPECKER" "SUPPORT" "GREEN" "IDYLLIC" "DOG" "SOCIAL" "WHOLE" "MELANCHOLY" "INTIMATE" "CRY" "HOLD" "BELIEVE" "SEE" "RENEW" "SHARE" "APPRECIATE."

It is not very often that you meet a group of strangers and in just a few days leave each other with such bright smiles and quite a few hugs. And it is quite a bit rarer for those hugs to be deep, meaningful embraces. To be realistic, you can only get to know fifteen people so well in a weekend, but the grace in which these Friends held each other eased my reservations more than I expected. I am learning to see the light within other people (and within myself) more clearly. I find this highly instructive as well as reassuring.

There's talk in our society about the absence of community, especially for young people. Economy, government, technology, culture itself seem to disconnect us. Children are pushed too hard and yet they are left behind. I had opportunity in retreat to think about what it means to be a child and what it means to be an adult. I think everyone in our group had a different and personal takeaway on that matter. I also had opportunity to spend time with people who I would verily call role models. They were (are) kind and considerate and it was a gift to be with them, and to be called Friend (and friend).

I take great comfort in knowing that I have a path of forward support here. I can see myself continue to nurture my emotional maturity among this community, something I think I've neglected until relatively recently. I am grateful that this is not the final time I will see my new friends. We have our entire lives to live. It can be together. Suddenly, I start to see a fullness in the world that I was missing before.

That's what I wanted to share. Forgive my esoteric sentences: it's challenging to express the feeling of emotional/internal dialogue in conventional language. I'm more than happy to expand on anything I wrote here. I also welcome your reactions and your own experiences with faith of any kind.

I recently took the Amtrak/Via Rail "Maple Leaf" train all the way from New York City, NY, USA to Toronto, ON, Canada. It took about 13 hours each way. I had taken portions of this route before but never the whole thing. There is only one trip each direction per day. It stops at several points in the US and Canada.

I was pleased with the journey even though I would have preferred the train to run at twice the speed it did. It was a beautiful and scenic ride punctuated by a number of historic cities. The Amtrak personnel on longer-distance routes like this are particularly pleasant, funny, and personable.

• NYC (Penn) to Albany–Rensselaer (~150 miles): about 2.5 hours on paper plus a slightly excessive wait at the Albany station (which is quite nice, through located nowhere near Albany proper). I believe this time is used to change the locomotive. This was the most gorgeous part of the trip by far: the train follows the east side of the Hudson River for the entire stretch and you have a constant view of the Palisades across the water. This is the fastest part of the journey. Going north, you want to be on the left side of the train; going south, the right (but it gets dark early this time of year).
• Albany–Rensselaer to Canadian border (~300 miles): about 6.5 hours on paper. Here, the train turns to meet each of the western cities, including Schenectady, Utica, Rome, Syracuse, Rochester, and Buffalo (twice). This segment isn't as scenic as the Hudson, but it takes you through a lot of farm country, which is nice to look at too. The train's average speed along this route is considerably slower than the southern section. I assume this is because there are more at-grade crossings or some track alignment slowdowns.
• Canadian border to Toronto (Union) (~80 miles): about 2 hours on paper. Not the most aesthetically pleasing section of the route, and dark for me going north. The train runs abysmally slowly in this section both because there are a lot of stops in short intervals and more importantly because there are an absurd number of at-grade crossings throughout the route, plus, I assume, various engineering-based speed restrictions from windy track alignments. But Union Station is a gorgeous building and very easy to navigate. Connections to the UP Express and subway are trivial.

You'll notice that the times I listed don't add up to 13 hours, the full length of the trip (on paper). This was because the train stops for an irritating amount of time at the border, the only part I didn't like, which unnecessarily adds ~2 hours to the trip. What happens is:

1. Amtrak personnel provide you a customs declaration form to fill out about 30 minutes before you arrive at Niagara Falls. Have a pen handy.
2. Train stops at the Niagara Falls, NY (NFL) station for upwards of 45 minutes, nominally so that the border control agents can "get ready" to receive you. Why they did not prepare during the 10+ hours they had all day I could not say. If you're crossing the border, you do not get out here, but wait until the train starts moving again.
3. Train goes to the Niagara Falls, ON (NFS) station in about 5 minutes. Now you disembark with all luggage and walk into the building for security screening. On the Canadian side, they just ask you a couple questions: no complex screening. It took about 15 minutes. Then, for some indecipherable reason, they direct you outside the station and instruct you to walk around and go into the main entrance to wait. (Yes, truly magnificent routing.)
4. You sit in their waiting room for at least 30 minutes with the other passengers. The reason you are waiting is so that they can search the entire train for contraband. When finished, you are ushered back on board. The business class passengers reboard the train (the same train) first, then coach passengers. The rest of the trip is operated by Via Rail. (Note: you don't have to buy anything from Via except maybe if you are starting in Ontario and going to Toronto. Amtrak's ticket covers the whole route from the US and back.)

Going from Canada to the US, the process is basically the same, except that the Americans force you to go through an airport-style bag screening check, which I consider utterly redundant. They also have multiple dogs sniffing you for drugs (I assume). The dogs are cute, but do not touch, for they are deadly creatures hard at work. All the scanning and sniffing and waiting takes at least 45 minutes to an hour. Thankfully you can keep your shoes on. I'm a US citizen with TSA Pre-Check and whatnot, so they don't give me trouble with the security questions, but they have no problem interrogating people for a long time and painstakingly searching multiple bags because the dog thought it smelled a piece of bacon.

It is an incredibly stupid and unnecessary process. Bags are not scanned when driving through the border by car. Dogs do not sniff your belongings and person when driving by car. You do not have to exit your car, take out all your belongings, and sit around in a waiting room for an hour when driving by car. Frankly airport security is faster than this was. It's no wonder this train isn't the preferred method of travel!

Despite the pointless border security, the trip was enjoyable and I will do it again the next time I visit Toronto from New York. It was also cheaper than flying at the time I booked it: ~$134 in coach (minus 10% for my Rail Passengers Association discount! So really $121) vs. ~$185 for a one-way flight (when I was looking). I think if you book far enough in advance, you can get a flight for as little as $90, but you usually have to fly out of LaGuardia or JFK for the cheap tickets, which are the worst airports known to mankind and also are not on the NEC. LGA is particularly hard to access. (I almost always fly out of Newark for these reasons.)

It does take... the entire day, though. So you have to treat it more like an experience than strictly transit. If you have friends in upstate New York, this is a good opportunity to visit for a night or two!

So, this won't be like the usual posts on Tildes. This will be on the long side and rambly, so I apologize for that in advance. Maybe this would fit better on a blog, but I don't have one so I'll post here instead. But while this post is definitely meant to be cathartic for me, I think maybe this will help some people too. Especially those who haven't experienced a super close or sudden loss yet.

I want to talk about neurodivergence and grief.

To start, I'm a 28-year-old woman. Higher end of the autism spectrum (diagnosed with Asperger's, though that term is out of favor now) and ADHD, and my parents managed to get me diagnosed by first grade. I've always known I perceived the world a bit differently from others, and this is further impacted by the fact I'm a writer. I often say one strange silver lining to being a writer is that everything is experience for writing. I've always been able to "detach" myself from reality pretty easily and view it from an almost outsider's point of view. Not full-blown disassociation, but I can step back more easily than most and start analyzing myself and others' actions. That definitely came into play here.

Two weeks ago on Wednesday, August 23, my dad died at the age of 68. Heart attack while golfing, stemming from a lifelong heart defect (structural issue, discovered when he had a heart attack at the age of 17). He had no other health issues, he went to regular checkups every six months or so and his heart checked out as fine as it could at the last one. There was zero warning, he was in perfect health that morning and everything was totally fine and normal up until the attack. The autopsy confirmed there were no external factors like the heat at play, just his heart suddenly giving out.

Just, one minute he was fine, and then less than 24 hours later my mom and I were sitting in a funeral home talking about packages and then to the cemetery to buy grave plots. It's the definition of a sudden death.

They say that everyone grieves differently, but I've been aware for a while that my grief is different from others. Until now, my experience with loss has been limited to three grandparents and pets. No aunts or uncles died during my lifetime, no cousins, no friends barring a former classmate who I didn't know too well but who committed suicide. With my grandparents, I definitely noticed I reacted differently. For example, I ended up checking out caskets during my grandmother's wake and talking to the workers about things like cremation jewelry. I still feel a bit bad for my dad who patiently followed me in there during his mother's wake. With my maternal grandfather, I remember thinking about a book I gave my grandmother while at their house, and I'm pretty sure I mentioned it to my cousins. Keep in mind, this would be like two hours tops since he died.

So, yeah. I've been aware for a while that my reactions to death and grief thus far aren't really "typical". I sometimes felt a bit guilty with how easily I felt okay after my grandparents died while seeing everyone around me nearly break. And more than that, I've been concerned about how I might react to other deaths. Particularly my parents.

So what I'm saying is that my dad was my first brush with super close and sudden loss.

So, now that you have the facts, I'll just start explaining my experiences with grief.

The Initial Reaction

My very first reaction: shock. Not even numbness, just shock.

My mom came home, and said she had bad news. I immediately thought it must be my grandmother, who's currently 97 and whose health has been on a steady decline. Instead, she told me my dad had a heart attack at the golf course (oh my gosh, is he okay?) and was pronounced dead at the hospital. For the first time in my life, I found myself asking if it was a dream and genuinely wishing it was. I hugged my mom and whispered "please be a dream", just like I often read and wrote in emotional scenes, and I meant it.

Almost right after she said that, the garage door opened and my first thought was that it was my dad, but instead it was my aunt.

That's around when my "writer-brain" kicked in. I looked at her and said "(Aunt), Dad's..." I couldn't finish the sentence—or maybe it wasn't a matter of could not but did not, because my writer-brain pulled upon all the similar scenes I'd read and written. My aunt pulled me in for a hug, followed by my two uncles, and I cried into their shoulders. I repeated this when my dad's brothers and their wives showed up, and pretty much everyone else who visited in the coming days.

Writer-brain led me to making a couple of docs on my phone: the first titled "Feelings of Grief", the second titled "Dad". "Feelings of Grief" was a bullet-point list of observations of my feelings and reactions. My arms felt heavy and kind of numb. Lifting my phone could be hard, every time I'd set it down or lower my arms in general my arms would just flop down to my side. I'd randomly start to cry and tear up. My chest hurt a bit. I felt empty. It was stronger when alone, maybe because I could distract myself with other people. Noted later in the evening that my arms were still kinda limp, and I didn't have many photos of dad on my phone, and please please PLEASE let mom's phone be synced to the cloud and the photos she had still there.

One interesting note I left: it wasn't the same hollow feeling as the former classmate who committed suicide. Writer-brain had kicked in similarly back then. I remember noting to myself how my jaw just naturally fell open of its own accord, I even closed it and it automatically went slack. When our vice principal first mentioned he'd died, my first thought was "oh no, it must be a car accident". But when he revealed it was suicide, it was a gut punch and the feeling was just... hollow. I reaffirmed this the next day while talking to my mom that there's a difference between "hollow" and "empty", not one I can put into words, but a difference nonetheless.

The second document on my phone, "Dad", started on Wednesday night as an obituary. When my grandfather died, my dad had told me how sad he always found those short obituaries, so I knew we'd have a long one. I'm a writer, so it felt natural that I start on it to take some of the burden off mom. The next day, I read it to mom and we ended up using it with minimal changes.

What I didn't tell her was that the rest of the document was basically me journaling. I don't journal, but I know writing helps me process things and organize thoughts, so I just wrote. Starting with the words "Dad, I love you." I wrote out all my thoughts, a letter he'd never get to read. I wrote about checking the Ring camera and it automatically pulling up the video of him getting the paper with the dog that morning. I made my bed and cried, put away dishes and cried, couldn't finish folding the laundry because I realized some of it was his. At that point it clicked in my head that the format was poem-like, and I wrote lines with questions that could fit a poem structure. I'm not even a poet, I've always preferred prose, but that's where my brain went.

And I also wrote about how I knew I'd be okay, because I already knew my grief was different. And how awful that made me feel. How I felt guilty that I wasn't there when mom was downstairs. She got the call while doing laundry, and I think I came downstairs right after she left. She went there alone, my uncle meeting her at the hospital, and had to wait until the doctor came out, while I was at home totally oblivious to the fact the most important man in my life was gone.

So, I never saw my dad in the hospital. Never saw how awful he looked after the attempts to revive him, only saw him on Monday at his calling when he'd been cleaned up. Both docs had me wondering if maybe the fact I hadn't seen him let my brain detach more, let me distance myself from his absence and the situation, and if seeing him on Monday would be when it really felt real.

Day 3 and Onwards: Weirdly Okay

On Friday, Day 3 after my dad died, everything felt... weirdly normal.

I think on Thursday, my brain was already starting to push me out of heavy-grief mode. Every time I hugged people on Wednesday I'd automatically cry, but I think towards the end of Thursday that reaction was dwindling. I think on Friday itself, it stopped entirely. I'd hug people but tears wouldn't automatically spring like the previous two days. I could even already tell, "Oh, I'm gonna get kinda tired of all these hugs, aren't I?" On Thursday I randomly cried a couple times, had to run upstairs to hug my mom as it crashed into me once again, but that didn't happen as much on Friday.

I'd already joked about "literal Covid flashbacks", because I got Covid this year and my primary symptom was an eternally runny nose. I went through at least one tissue box on my own and by the end my nose was just sore from blowing and wiping it so much, so I joked my brain didn't want a repeat of that soreness.

Inwardly though, I was reflecting on my previous experiences with grief. I knew I'd enter an "okay" state sooner than others, but I didn't expect it to happen so fast after my dad died. I still felt sad, but I wasn't randomly crying anymore. I live at home, never moved out and even attended a commuter college, we've always been an incredibly close family, so his death should be more... I guess devastating? Heart-breaking? It felt bizarre to me, to already feel like I was edging back towards okay.

My theory: it's an evolutionary trait promoted in neurodivergence, to ensure that at least one member of the "pack" won't be vulnerable. Make sure someone can be functional enough to identify potential threats and such, maybe go out for supplies. I mentioned this theory to a few people in the coming days. My mom said it was almost like a superpower when I explained it.

And as the child in the situation, it sucks. I don't have the experience or knowledge to do all these arrangements. All the financial stuff is on my mom since she has the accounts, she knows who to inform and could estimate how many people to expect, she had all the contacts who could help arrange and set up a reception at our house, etc. And even besides that, as the child in the situation, it wasn't exactly "my place" to do a bunch of that stuff. I couldn't directly help with anything but the obituary, provide tech support for getting the photos for the calling, and providing emotional support.

So, yeah. That sucked for me because I knew I felt much better than mom did, but couldn't really do much to ease her burden. So it felt like I was largely leaving her on her own to navigate the funeral process. We had my aunts and some of her friends present to help, including some who'd experienced similar abrupt loss and could help guide and advise her, but there's still a lot of stuff she needed to do herself. She didn't have much time to really process it on her own because she was just so busy, I don't think she really got a chance to relax until Wednesday after everything was over. So for most of the process, I was much more cognizant of my mom's grief than my own.

And I was honestly quite open with this. I didn't flaunt that I was weirdly okay, but people would ask how I was feeling and I'd be honest: "I think my neurodivergent brain is helping." By Sunday, I was still weirdly okay. The calling was the next day. I helped mom submit the pictures to the funeral home's website. We had a small horde of friends and aunts help move stuff to the backyard to prepare for the post-funeral reception at our house on Tuesday. We got through the day, and picked out dresses to wear.

The Calling

At the calling on Monday, I got to see my dad for the first and last time.

My mom originally wanted a closed-casket calling, but agreed to open-casket because we knew some people needed it. Including my uncle, who'd been present at the hospital and who my mom described as even worse off than her.

It turns out, my mom needed it too, more than she realized.

My dad had an autopsy for a few reasons. I kind of expected one given his heart defect, but there was also the fact it was an incredibly hot day and he hit his head when he fell, so the coroner wanted to confirm what exactly the cause was. And as I said near the start, it was just his heart. As far as I'm aware, he most likely died instantly from the heart attack itself, but they tried to revive him for a while before calling his death, maybe half an hour. The doctor at the hospital said he'd tried everything he could to bring him back. Surgery, intubation, etc.

To sum it up, he didn't look too good in the hospital. When I expressed regret I hadn't been with mom, she said she was glad I hadn't been there. I still wonder if that might have helped me get "okay" so quickly, since I didn't have the traumatic memory. He died away from home, so there's no traumatic memories associated with his body in our house. My first and only time seeing him post-mortem was at the funeral home, after he'd been cleaned up and dressed.

My dad in the casket looked peaceful. I don't know if I'd say he looked like he was sleeping, but he looked so much better than I had feared. At one of the last funerals I attended, I felt like their body hadn't looked like them (and my mom also felt that way when I mentioned it to her later), so I'd worried that might happen here. It was a relief that dad still looked like dad. Later, one of the morticians commented about the nasty bruise on his head from the fall, and I know that bruises can be particularly stark on corpses, so. Big kudos to the mortician. I think seeing him like that, instead of her last memory being at the hospital, was a big help to my mom.

Mom and I hugged in front of him and cried. We talked to dad a bit, and then people poured in. Relatives first, and then friends started coming, both friends of my dad and my mom. My mom is a social butterfly and has a MASSIVE social network in the local branch of her industry, to the point there's an actual joke about "Six degrees of separation from (Mom)", so there were a LOT of visitors just to support her. So my mom was in her element talking to people, while I floated around a bit talking to people I knew, hanging out with my cousins, helping introduce one of my dad's friends to other specific people he wanted to meet, etc.

I myself had four friends visit during the calling. And this is what inspired me to make this post.

Neurodivergence and Grief

One of my friends also abruptly lost her dad a few years ago. It's been a while so I can't remember the exact cause, but I think he'd died of a heart attack too. And like me, she's also neurodivergent. So of everyone I know, she's the one person who could relate to me the most.

So naturally, I told her about how I felt weirdly okay. I'd mentioned to others about how my neurodivergent brain seemed to be helping, mentioned my theory about it being an evolutionary advantage, but I went into more detail with her. I opened up a bit more than I did with everyone else, because I knew she'd gone through the same loss.

And she'd had the same thing happen.

I won't try to summarize everything we talked about. Some of it is personal and I reached some internal conclusions about her own experience she might not want me to share, but one thing that stuck out was that she told me not to let others act as if I was grieving wrong. She assured me that everyone grieves in their own way, and while everyone says that, hearing it from someone who went through the same experience as me just gave it so much more weight.

I'd been aware my reactions to loss would be different since my grandparents died. I've had years to think on it, and by the calling I already accepted that it was a quirk of my brain. It didn't mean something was "wrong" with me, that I didn't love my dad any less. It's just my brain being kinda weird and helping me adapt faster. I'd once read a theory years ago that autistic people don't struggle with feeling emotions at all, they struggle with feeling too much, and their brains get overloaded and just shut down the emotion. I don't know how true that is, but at times like this, I think that might be true.

But despite knowing and accepting this, hearing that I wasn't alone, that it wasn't just my brain and someone else had experienced this weird "okay-ness", helped more than I expected.

And that's why I'm writing this.

Neurodivergent brains don't process things the same as "normal" people. Anyone who's ND knows that, and every person's experiences with it is different. Even if you, the person reading this right now, also have ADHD and autism, you probably don't have a "writer-brain" analyzing events and your own emotions for writing reference the way I do. I got lucky to be born to two amazing, loving parents who never made me feel like I was wrong or broken for my differences, and to help me adapt to the world instead of trying to suppress those. They helped me accept it as part of myself.

But while I've always known and accepted this, it doesn't change the fact that knowing others feel the same way can be a relief. Confirming that it's not just you, that there are others—it can mean so much.

It's why I proudly identify myself as asexual to people I meet, to help educate others that it's a thing that exists and they're not broken. It's why I was so ecstatic to learn immersive and maladaptive daydreaming are things, to discover that my lifelong game of pretend isn't just some quirk of my autism and ADHD but something thousands of other people do, including full-grown adults. It's why people find pride and comfort in having labels at all, why even diagnoses can be a reason to celebrate: just being able to know you're not alone.

I got lucky with my parents, who have loved and supported me throughout my whole life. I don't even like referring to ADHD and autism as disabilities, because to me, they're just different forms of cognition. Nothing to be ashamed of, they're just a part of who I am. I've spent years thinking and reflecting over myself, and managed to understand the core pieces of myself as a person fairly early on. And I'm happy to say I like who I am.

Unfortunately, my story isn't nearly as common as I'd like though. Many neurodivergent people grow up thinking something is inherently wrong with them, either due to not knowing about their conditions, or because their own families tell them as much. Far too many people think they're awful people, stupid because of learning disabilities, or even just broken. Our "normal meters" are off by default compared to neurotypical people, and if you don't know why, it can really bother you.

This strange okay-ness and quick recovery from grief seems like one of those things that would haunt people, lead to all sorts of guilt for not feeling grief strongly enough when you "should". The words "everyone grieves differently" feels like a kind of hollow platitude in the face of those feelings. It's one of those sayings that everyone spouts, like "time heals all wounds", but there's a huge difference between saying something and experiencing it. It's just one of those things that people say, regardless of experience with it. Especially when it's "normal" people saying it.

So, take it from me now, someone who's neurodivergent and has just experienced close and sudden loss: You might feel okay sooner than you expect, and that's perfectly fine. It's just our brains being weird, and it says nothing about how we feel about the person we lost.

Maybe the circumstances of the death will make it easier or harder for you to adjust. Maybe it will hit you harder when you're alone. Maybe you'll find comfort in surprising details. Or maybe it will hit you in bits and pieces, in the smaller things you notice as time passes.

There are so many ways you can react. It really is true that everyone grieves differently. No matter how you react though, it doesn't automatically mean you're a bad person or don't miss them enough. It just means your brain processes things differently, and might be trying to shield you from the full brunt of the pain.

And besides, even if you feel like you’re recovering too quickly, I think there’s a good chance you feel that loss more strongly than you actually realize.

Nighttime Talks with Dad

The last time I saw my dad was Tuesday, August 22, before he went to bed.

I don’t remember our exact final conversation. We had a nightly ritual though where we’d either try to get our dog Zoey on the porch, or step out there ourselves. Zoey hates people hugging and kissing. For some reason at nighttime, just standing near each other can set her off. Every night when dad would come upstairs from the basement, the second one of us spoke, she’d start barking because she knew that was a precursor to physical contact. (Also, yes, this DID make the initial hug-fest after the news broke a bit frustrating since she barked constantly.) I like to say that she’s brought our family closer together than ever, and she hates it. Dad would go out of his way to give extra hugs and kisses just to set her off, laughing while she’d go crazy. Usually we’d try to get her on the porch so she couldn’t jump up on us while barking, but even after letting her back in he’d still sometimes give an extra hug and kiss just to mess with her.

If she wouldn’t go on the porch, we’d just go out there ourselves. And in more recent months, we’d step outside on the deck to look at the night sky. Dad would usually go out there in the summer before going to bed, so I just started joining him. I think the only constellation either of us can identify is the Big Dipper, but it was still nice to look at the stars and moon.

On Tuesday, August 22, we went outside as part of that ritual.

The next night before going to bed, I stepped outside to talk to dad again.

And I’ve done that most nights since then.

I just step outside and talk to him. I don’t know if he can hear me. I’m not particularly religious and honestly terrified of the unknown eternity that is the afterlife, and I told him that. But I want to believe he can. I tried talking to him from the porch one night, but it felt wrong so I stepped outside to do it. So maybe it’s just psychological and in my head, or maybe it actually means something.

And when I do, I usually end up crying a bit.

That’s one thing I’ve noticed: while I stopped randomly crying throughout the day by like Friday or Saturday, I still cry at night when I talk to him. I think that little note I made on night one that I might feel the grief more strongly when I was alone was right. I’ve even said as much out loud, just asked, “Dang it, why do I only do this at night?” It’s the kind of time where I’d want to hug someone like mom, but by that point she’s in bed.

I’ve probably weirded out Zoey with the near-nightly hugs after these talks. I doubt she understands dad is gone for good, and I don’t think she fully gets we’re sad. That dog lives in her own world and isn’t the brightest. At least she’s finally made the connection that water helps with thirst (no, I’m not joking. We genuinely questioned if she realizes water helps with thirst, and now that she’s drinking regularly we’re pretty sure the answer was “no”).

Right now, I think during the day I can function fine. I think I am mostly fine already, wrong as that feels. I know that it will be the little things I’ll miss the most. Like him making my bed every day, or being able to suggest watching a show, or messing with the dog together, or coming home from visiting friends to see him and mom slow-dancing in the living room.

But at night, when I step outside to talk to dad... Well, I think that’s when I allow myself to really process it. To process his absence on a subconscious level that I just can’t do consciously. Maybe it’s because it’s too much to process, like that theory about autism I mentioned earlier. I don’t know.

One thing I do know: everything still feels surreal.

My mom and I went to my cousins’ lake house over the weekend. We had already planned to go before, and last Wednesday my mom said “Screw it, let’s go up anyway.” We needed the change of scenery and time to decompress after the funeral. She later said it’s basically us avoiding the situation for just a little longer, and I think she was right about that. Being away from the house made it a little easier to act as if it was just a normal vacation, almost like a "girls' trip".

I didn’t talk to dad while up there, maybe due to avoidance, or maybe due to my brain suddenly deciding it doesn’t like being surrounded by water in the dark. It was never an issue on previous visits. Last time we were up there, dad and I sat on the dock staring up at the stars and just being in awe. We’ve been reminiscing about it all summer long. I planned to talk to him, but the first night on the dock I turned off the flashlight on my phone and my brain basically went “nopenopenope, water everywhere verybad runrunrun get to land runrunrun”. So that's a thing now, good to know I guess?

So, yeah. We got back on Tuesday, and were exhausted from a seven-hour car trip. And then I talked to him again last night. Cried a bit, because that’s just how those talks tend to go, and then I went inside to hug the dog before sitting on the couch to resume my usual quasi-nocturnal routine. (I got upstairs and into bed before 4 am though, so I'm getting better! Little victories.)

Closing Thoughts

There’s a lot more I could say, but I don’t know what. Usually I like to edit these sorts of rambles to heck and back, but this time I’m doing minimal editing. (Editing note: I apparently lied, just went back to reread and edited it as I went along, dang it.) For now, I want to focus on some more closing thoughts and miscellaneous details. Things I couldn’t fit above too well, but think need to be said and shared. Maybe it can help you, maybe it won’t.

The benefits of how my neurodivergence is impacting my grief: I can help my mom more. I’ve already decided I’ll take on the task of figuring out all the account transfers (e.g. Netflix, Ring, etc.). I was also able to go through my dad’s laptop to find photos, just quickly page through them and look for any photos with him. I’m not sure my mom could have done that herself without getting sucked into each memory they held.

I will say that, as a writer, I like to think I understand emotions better than most people. I like putting myself in people’s shoes to figure out why they feel a certain way, understand their mindsets and how it influences their thought processes and actions. I’m definitely incredibly empathetic compared to the average person. That said, just because I understand their feelings, it doesn’t mean I know how the heck to handle it. My brain tends to freeze up. Happened when my aunt burst out crying and hugged me when my grandfather died years ago, and it will probably happen again now.

So I’m still out of my element if mom suddenly breaks down sobbing and crying. I think this will apply to many of us. So uh. Sorry guys, I don’t have much advice for comforting people other than “just hug them as needed and let them vent”. Hugs can REALLY help though, I think some people these past two needed the hugs more than I did.

On that note, feel free to reject the parade of hugs. I know a lot of ND folks don’t like physical contact or hugs anyway, but neurotypical folks can get over-hugged during these times too. One of my mom’s friends who lost her husband told us that we might get sick of hugs. So don’t feel obligated to accept them just because of the occasion. You're the one grieving, so they can't judge you for refusing. If they judge you anyway, they're assholes and don't deserve to have their opinions considered.

One of my main coping mechanisms is humor. I try to be mindful of it and keep some of them to myself, but I might've made some jokes that are "too soon". For example, our dog is the only thing now standing between my mom and I from becoming crazy cat ladies. Previously it was my dad's allergies, so yeah. If you also cope with humor, just be careful about telling the jokes. The pain can be more raw for some than others, and some jokes might be too much. Some people are really good at putting up a strong front, so you can't always be sure how they'll actually take it. So be careful.

I mentioned earlier that when my mom told me the news, I first thought it was about my grandmother. At the time, part of me wished it had been my grandmother, which made me feel guilty. But I later found out pretty much everyone had this exact reaction, including my aunt (her daughter) and I think even my grandmother herself. We've all been sort of mentally bracing for her death, and she's 97 so she’s lived a long and good life. It would still be sad of course, but, well, we’re expecting it. No one was expecting my dad to die though. So if you find yourself with similar thoughts, don’t feel like that makes you an awful person.

One of the biggest benefits of my neurodivergence though: I was able to give a eulogy for my dad.

I honestly expected I’d give one from day one, but apparently no one else did until I talked to the minister right before the service. Originally we said I’d go second, between my dad’s best friend and his brother. After his best friend’s speech though, I realized I should definitely go last. I could tell they’d be telling more lighthearted stories, and mine would set a different tone that served better for the end.

I wanted to talk about dad’s love, his most defining trait and the most important thing he passed on to me. He was the kind of man who’d sacrifice for the people he loved, who’d go out of his way to find a specific restaurant despite wanting to go home just because we mentioned wanting milkshakes from there. Heck, last Christmas we all agreed to buy just three gifts each, and guess who didn't stick to that rule? I swore I'd buy a blu-ray player sometime this year instead, our DVD player doesn't work with the new TV we got in the basement so just needed to run to a store together. (I still might, but it's a lower priority now.)

Besides all that, I wanted to share a story he told me, that I’ll also tell you now.

When my grandfather was a little boy, one day at school a classmate came in raging mad about a fight with his own father. They’d had some argument, and this kid was ranting about how he hated his father. Petty, empty words because he was still mad at his dad over whatever they'd fought before.

Well, his father died at work that day. Car accident, I think. And the boy grew up knowing his last memory with his father was that awful fight.

Yeah, that sounds like an awful story to tell a kid, huh? I must have been five or six when he told me, and it was probably because I was pretty angry at my mom for some stupid petty reason. Just a kid throwing a tantrum, you know how it goes. Maybe it was a true story, maybe he just made it up on the spot to show me that being mad at my mom over petty little things was wrong. Either way, it worked. And I think it worked better than my dad ever knew. Thanks to that story, I grew up aware in the back of my head that death can happen suddenly and without warning. Maybe that’s a bit of a bad thing, but I’m grateful I got to understand that so early on without experiencing that sort of sudden loss myself. And it stuck with me, just how awful it would feel to have your last memory be such a bitter one.

So, I made a point to always say “I love you” to my parents and any others I care about. They go to bed, “Good night, I love you.” They're going on a trip, “Have fun, love you!” when they leave and at the end of every phone call. They’re just running to the grocery store five minutes away, I open the garage door to stick out my head to say “I love you” just to make absolutely sure it’s the last thing I said to them, just in case.

I don’t remember my exact last words with my dad. But I know that it was almost certainly “Good night, I love you” just like countless other nights. And I am so damn grateful I can say that.

So I passed on that story at his funeral. And afterwards, I got countless compliments about how strong I was for speaking at all, and how I didn’t stutter or need notes (someone asked if I had public speaking experience, and I don't, so I guess I might have a natural knack for speeches??), but... I think that was most definitely because of my neurodivergence. I think I’ve already made it quite clear over the course of this post, but by the time of his funeral, I was, weirdly, okay. Sad and empty, but not devastated. So I could deliver my message clearly, the same one I'll pass to you:

My dad was a wonderful, loving man, and everyone should remember that you never know which goodbye will be the last one. So make sure you always punctuate your farewells with an “I love you”, and try not to ever part on a bad note. Not even when you’re just going to sleep.

If you’ve read all of this, thanks. And I hope maybe this ramble of mine can help people a bit too, especially those who have yet to experience such a loss themselves.

Remember, everyone experiences grief differently. Maybe it will devastate you and you won't be able to function for a while, or maybe you'll be able to largely go back to "normal" a bit faster than you expect like I did. Brains are weird, even without throwing neurodivergence into the mix, and there's so many factors in grief that makes every experience truly unique. I'm not sure I'd be nearly as composed if I'd seen my dad at the hospital, or if he'd died in pain or of heatstroke. The inevitability and quickness of his death, the fact we could have done nothing to prevent it, has been a surprising comfort to both me and my mom because there are no agonizing "what ifs" to haunt us. We're not sure how we'd feel if it was something preventable, that's a "what if" I don't want to consider.

Just remember that no matter how you respond, somewhere out there, there's likely someone else who's had the same feelings and reactions as you. You're not broken, you're not an awful person. You're just you. Your reaction won't diminish whatever feelings you have for the person—and note that I said have and not had: just because they're gone doesn't mean those feelings are gone too. He's still my father, I'm still his daughter. Death doesn't change that, it just means I can't hug him and tell him that directly anymore. The same applies for every other loss we'll experience. There's a reason some people refuse to date widows and widowers.

Today, my aunt left. She’s been staying here since he died, she flew in from out of state. Tonight will be the first night with just me and mom at our house. This is the first night of our new “normal”. I don’t think we’ll have anyone over tomorrow besides the cleaning lady (who last came the day after he died—felt kinda bad for her to visit that day knowing what happened), so tomorrow will be the first day it’s really just us. The first day we won't have any real distractions from his absence.

I don’t know how we’ll feel in the coming days, how things will go from here. Maybe his death will finally really hit us now that we’re not in funeral-preparation or vacation mode, and can sit and breathe in our own house. Maybe I’ll have a delayed grief reaction. Maybe my mom will break down sobbing in her bed tonight or tomorrow. I don’t know. Everything feels almost dream-like, like we’re in a weird limbo but also not. The world’s still moving without us, and we’re slowly moving with it.

All we can do is take it one hour at a time.

Getting a reply to your comment or post on Reddit was always a double-edged sword, it could be a helpful reply or just someone saying "THIS." or commenting on your punctuation. On Tildes I feel much more certain that it's a well thought out reply every time I press the red link.

Thanks for being a great community and thanks to @Deimos for keeping the place civilized.

First I thought to myself, "I seem to use too many commas." Now I'm no writer, but I've noticed that professional writers (and editors) clearly use less commas than I do.

For example, here's a sentence in a book that I'm reading: “As the victim was usually unconscious it was obvious they were totally reliant upon third parties and whatever action they took would determine their fate.”

I thought it was interesting, because I would've put a comma after "unconscious" and a comma before "and."

So, I found this helpful resource on grammar rules: https://www.grammarbook.com/punctuation/commas.asp. 4a and 5b in particular were situations where I learned I could get rid of commas.

Still however, in the example sentence above, you'd think to put a comma before the "and" to separate the two clauses. I haven't found an explanation for omitting it, other than some writers are grammatically correct in a stricter sense, and others use commas more stylistically.

Is the use of commas more of an art, if you will, than I thought? How do you use commas personally?

Interested to read others' opinions!

Apple Music - https://music.apple.com/us/album/backyard-bastards/1532748158?i=1532748159
Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/album/5pdpC268ZugcBl48WGVe4j
YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X3Rnppk23jI

At the risk of just posting every new Wargasm single as they drop, UK duo Wargasm is back with a new single that continues their genre mash-up goodness. Backyard Bastards evokes feelings of Treats era Sleigh Bells. Like Sleigh Bells, the programmed drum beats sound like the fall out of the sky as the punctuate some super distorted guitar riffs. But noise rock is just one layer of this track, which includes Sam Matlock's growls and shouts along side Milkie Way's super smooth cleans.

Lyrically, the band seems to take a step into politics just a bit rather than just the general rage of their past efforts with selections like

When you're tired of living for these bastards
I'll teach you how to kill your gods
and hunt your masters
I'm sick of feeling but this feeling's too strong
I wanna kill somebody but I know it's wrong

A section that may speak a lot to fellow young people like them, who feel they've been dealt a raw hand by a generation that swam in comfort in excess in pervious decades.

For fans of Sleigh Bells, My Ticket Home and Papa Roach.

'sup.

As promised, here's a text discussing the minutae of Tetris the Grandmaster, its sequels, and the game mechanics of Tetris in general. If you want more, there's some market analysis, drama and politics in the comment.

Tetris the Grand Master is probably the most beautifully designed game I know. I hope you will share my passion for this when your are finished with this post.

Since Tetris is a "pure" videogame where pretty graphics and/or enticing plot is irrelevant to the game^†, this will focus a lot on the game mechanics.

Also: this is based on a draft script for a video I wanted to make for a while now. Presumably this thing would flow better with some illustrations at the same time. I tried to include some, but of course it's not the same as someone narrative over image.

Also: weird language ? Missing words ? Misplaced punctuation ? This probably comes from me, writing in English as a second language. Picture this article with a vaguely French accent if it helps (although I'm not actually French).

^†I am aware of Tetris Effect. I am happy if people find TE a transformative transcendental synesthetic experience, but for this matter I much prefer Rez and particularly its Area X.

So: make yourself comfortable, get a hot beverage of your choice, perhaps enable the reader mode in your browser and prepare for a 4k-ish words long read.

Tetris, the arcade game

Tetris. The little game from the Soviet Union, the killer app of the Gameboy, and until Minecraft happened the most sold computer game of all time.

Despite its tremendous success, the general perception is that this title has not evolved since its initial release in 1984. We would effectively be playing the same game plus-or-minus some gimmicks and/or yearly graphical updates.

This is of course false. The evolution of Tetris game mechanics is a story for another time, but the skinny version is that there's two main branch to the Tetris tree: Nintendo, and Sega. What I want to talk about now is a representative of the Sega branch.

Did you know ? Sega means "Service Game". The company we know today as a publisher with a blue mascot originally sold arcade games. And even today, Sega has a strong presence in the arcade world.

Tetris the Grandmaster is an arcade game, made by Arika, a company made by ex-Capcom employee whose more notable works at the time include Street Fighter Ex.
Arcade game design is a delicate juggling act between two parties:

• the game operator: wants money, and for single player game that could mean a short and/or difficult game.
• the player: wants fun. If the game is too difficult and/or unfair and/or incomprehensible, he or she will move to the next game

With this definition, vanilla Tetris is a pretty good arcade game:

As you play the game, the game ramps up in speed and consequently its difficulty. But it never feels unfair: you may complain having bad luck and getting a crappy piece distribution (more on that later), you are still responsible for that terrible stack you just made.

However, there's a finite limit to the speed of the game. Past a certain point, you end up in a kill-screen where it is impossible to play. The piece just falls and lock immediately, with you being powerless, unable to do anything.

How lock delay extend the base game

Video: Godlike high gravity NES Tetris game from JdMfX_, Godlike high TGM game from 777

What is remarkable with Tetris the Grandmaster is not only it has found a way to extend the base game past this seemingly hardcoded limit, but it also focus nearly all of its design toward this idea of speed. Speed is the focus of the game, and if you don't believe this, there's a giant chronometer at the bottom of the screen acting as a constant reminder.

So, how do you survive to the kill screen?

You could try to make the piece move faster (which they did) but this is not enough. At some point, the piece will still spawn on the ground and immediately lock.

Enter the Lock Delay.

Illustration: lock delay

Lock delay is the mechanic in which if a piece falls into the ground or the stack, it will not immediately lock but can react to play inputs and "slide" for a few frames before locking into the stack.

This has deep, deep consequences.

Obviously, you can make the game faster than anything we've seen before. All the while still have a viable game^†. At maximum speed, or "20G" as it is known in the jargon, the piece directly spawns on the stack without floating at any point in the air.

^†for the pedant: historically, Sega Tetris was the one of the first game to feature lock delay; and the mechanics was already there in some other falling blocks game such as Puyo Puyo.

At high speed, and especially at 20G speed, the piece movement becomes severely limited. Having the game viable at 20G completely re-contextualize the game, its moment-to-moment tactics and its general strategy. Not only you have to think about a given piece placement, but more than ever you have to take the next piece into account. Some sub-optimal piece placement or "bridges" have to be made in order to make the whole game continue.

Illustrations: possible piece placement at 2G, at 20G, at 20G with a bridge

And thus: while the core gameplay stays the same, the game becomes more demanding both physically and mentally. You have to react faster and input your command quickly and confidently; and at the same time you have to constantly think about your stack, the area where work is needed and how you can accommodate unwanted pieces. You can even manually control the pace of the game by cancelling the lock delay (done very naturally by pressing down.)

Lock delay is probably the most important game element added to Tetris, but it's not the only thing in which TGM also innovates. Several other additional mechanics exists, and they have this common idea of a "speed enabler". Let's review them:

"Speed enablers" game mechanics

DAS

I mentioned earlier that the way you move the pieces was faster. This seems like a straightforward thing to do at first sight but there's some subtleties hidden in it.

So: when you hold left or right, the piece moves automatically (in the jargon it's called DAS - Delayed Auto-Shift). It's a nice and natural movement akin to letting a key down in your keyboard, but there's actually two parameters to take into account.
First, how fast the auto movement is triggered, and second, then how fast the repeat itself is. In TGM, both happens at a brisk space (16 frames before auto-movement, and a movement of 1 case per frame). This is essential for 20G play. And, in the context of 20G, the DAS enable a family of movement techniques called autosynchro^†that bring additional depth to the game.

^†manual synchro also exists, but requires significantly more skill, as it requires a 1-frame combination. Yup, just like in fighting games and their 1-frame links!

Wallkicks

There is another mechanic that involve automatic movement, called wallkick. A wallkick happen when you try to rotate a piece near a blocked cell, such as the stack or a wall. Normally, if the rotation mask overlap a blocked cell, the rotation will fail. However with wallkicks, the piece can automatically move so that the rotation can still happen. In modern standard Tetris, the rule of how the piece move is quite complicated (to my eyes) but enable advanced placement such as the infamous T-Spin Triple. In TGM however, it's dead simple: try to move one case toe the right or one case to the left in that order, and if the piece fits, it gets moved.

Illustration: wallkick

So yes: at first sight those wallkicks are concessions given to player that make the game easier. However, some advanced movement techniques takes advantage of wallkicks. The goal of course is to move a piece faster, leading to tiny but compounding time saves.^†

^† in the jargon, optimal piece movement is called finesse

IRS

Continuing on the theme of rotation, let's now talk about the Initial Rotation System or IRS. So in most game, when a piece is locked, the next one immediately enters the playfield.
This is not the case with TGM: there's a tiny interval in which nothing happens (except perhaps a line clear animation). ^†.

^† of course there's a jargon term for this: it's called ARE^{††
††} it's not an acronym, it literally means "that thing" in Japanese (あれ)

This interval have a dual purpose (Mark Brown would be happy): first, it serves as a buffer to charge the DAS. But it is not limited to rotation: you can also charge a rotation.

And that is what IRS exactly is: press a rotation button during this time and then the piece will spawn already rotated .

IRS usefulness is not only limited to make the game smoother to play: it solves a problem inherent to Sega Tetris. All game in that lineage have most piece spawning with a pointy end toward the ground^†. This can be problematic in high gravity, and especially in 20G. If you IRS such pieces, you can then confidently slide them to the side without worry of them being stuck somewhere.

Illustration: trapped without IRS, saved with IRS

^†why not having them spawn flat-side down ? I think this is partly for historical reason (establish a clear lineage with Sega Tetris), but also because this this extra-difficulty is coherent with an arcade game design.

And yes, of course, IRS is also a time saving measure, helping to shave some milliseconds here and there.

TGM history-based randomizer

Let's talk luck. Earlier on, I half-jokingly said that "luck" as a hallmark of a good game of Tetris. Well it is a bit more profound than that.
Any competitive Smash player can tell you this: consistency is king in a competitive game. That's why random event affecting the core gameplay are frown upon, and that's why tripping in Smash Brawl was so negatively received.
You can probably see where I'm getting at: there's one giant thing in Tetris that's by definition random: the way the piece sequence is generated. And yes, TGM has a optimized random generator, and in fact most Tetris game have one.

An analysis of the history of the different random generator is a story for another time, but here's the gist of it:

In a purely random sequence of pieces, a sufficiently long series of S and Z tetraminos is bound to appear. Such sequences is mathematically proven to lead in a game over. Of course, this doesn't happen in practice. Especially in TGM, there's a finite number of piece given and thus the change of that happening is infinitesimally small.
However this does gives us insight about the piece distribution: flood (too much of a piece) and drought (not enough of a piece) is not fun. In other word, waiting for that g!%d!3mn long bar piece sucks.

So how does TGM counteracts this ? It implements a history system that prevent recently given piece to be distributed again^†. This is a flood prevention measure and make the game much more consistent while still having an element of unpredictability. And being unpredictable is not necessarily a bad thing, particularly in an arcade context where you still want the player to finish the game eventually. Fun trivia: modern standard Tetris nowadays implement an extremely predictable randomizer, which is mathematically proven to be infinitely playable at low gravity^††.

^†historically TGM is not the first game to implement a history system, there was already a rudimentary one in NES Tetris
^†† this is less of a problem in recent years due to the focus on multiplayer, enabling stuff like openers, but this is a story for another time

Consistency in randomness is not directly tied to the notion of speed, but being confident in that you will not screwed by the piece distribution definitely helps in the elaboration of reliable strategies.

The graphics helps too

Illustration: An actual screenshot of TGM

So far I've describe how the game is mechanically inclined toward speed, but aesthetically there's also some elements that are helps during high speed games.

First, look at what the stack and notice how the active piece contrasts with the rest of the stack. There's a clarity of graphics that comes not only by the fact that the locked pieces have a darker hue, but also because of the of this white border that surrounds the stack. The goal is to have an instantly readable playfield.

Continuing on this trend, each piece type is color coded so you can instantly read what you're getting by using your peripheral vision, leaving the focus clear on the stack. You can then more easily confirm the placement of your current piece, which is further helped by a very noticeable flash.

The next-piece window is also aligned so that the piece previewed is placed directly above where it will spawn. This unconsciously helps the tactical decision of where to put your piece. Speaking of unconscious effect, the whole series have this auditory gimmick in which each pieces have its own jingle. From what I know, nobody use this consciously, even the one that can tackle the invisible challenge (more on the invisible challenge later).

Scoring, grading, and speedrunning

So we've seen the mechanics and the aesthetics of speed within TGM.

But what would would be an arcade game without a good I piece measuring contest ?

TGM has three metrics exposed to the player: Score-grades, level and time.

Time is a straightforward metric, and is the main point of comparison for players having reached the Gm grade. Finishing the game under 13 minutes is ok, under 12 min is pretty good, under 10min is exceptionally good, and approaching 9min is godlike.

Score, as in most videogame is a measure of how "good" you are at the game, but takes here a subtly different meaning. The exact detail of the scoring system is not super interesting to see^†, but its implication is. Let me explain:

^† here : Score = (roundUp((Level + Lines)/4) + Soft) × Lines × Combo × Bravo ; Combo = Previous Combo value + (2×Lines) -2

The optimal strategy with this scoring system is to clear as much line as the same time as possible. In order words, Tetris, triples and even doubles^†makes a lot of points, whereas Singles proportionally don't score as much points.

^†Tetris: four line cleared at the same time; triple: three lines cleared at the same time; double: two lines cleared at the same ; single: one line cleared

This has an interesting side effect, as it incentivize to have a clean stack. A clean stack is a stack without holes. If there's holes in your stack, and particularly in they are all over the place, you tend clean them by performing singles. Sidenote: in TGM1, grade is directly correlated with score, except for the titular last grade, which is gatekeeped by some time requirements.

So in TGM, the score still describe how "well" you play, but you may have noticed that there's no notion of time at all^†. I would argue that scoring here doesn't reflect how "well" you play but rather how "clean" you play. Keep that in mind for later.

^†To be perfectly pedant there's the level factor in the equation that would incentivise you to play fast to reach high-yielding level as fast as possible. But please don't ruin my narrative.

I mentioned just before that the last grade had some time requirements. Now, this is a perfectly reasonable requirement for a game that is focused on speed but, and I guess you are used to me saying that, there's some subtleties to it.

Let's say the only requirement to get the last grade would be to reach X amount of point in Y amount of time, and reaching the last level. A viable strategy would be then to play as clean as possible so that you reach the point threshold, and then you just have to survive. This would mean that in that last part can play as sloppy as you want, you will still reach the Gm grade. That's, of course, not ideal as it doesn't push the player to play at its maximum (you can cheese the last part).

What TGM did is neat and two-fold: First, it takes the "level" metric, which was until then a measure of how fast the game is, and turned it into a progression gauge. So you know that at level 100 you are at the beginning of the game, 500 is midgame and 900 is the last push. The gravity is still tied to the level, so at level 0 it's quite slow and at 300 it's significantly faster. But the thing doesn't have to be linear or monotonic, in fact there's a speedbump at level 200 (people told me it's for dramatic effect), and maximum speed is reached at level 500 (to let the new 20G gameplay shine.)

Now here's the catch: you can progress faster in the game by clearing lines. Indeed, the way you gain level is that you increase the counter by one each time you land a piece, but more interestingly you get a bonus level for each line cleared.

This ties everything together: if you want to play fast you have to play well, and if you play well the game will get faster.

This positive feedback loop is in fact a system with dynamic difficulty curve: as good players will be presented with a more appropriate challenge faster, as more novice player will get challenged at their pace.

So there you have it: even the scoring system is meant to go fast. Isn't that beautiful ?

The sequels

There were two sequels to TGM.

The first one, known as TAP within the community because of the subtitle of the final version of the game ("The Absolute Plus"), builds on the building block of the first. There's now a dedicated 20G mode with a brutal speedcurve to it (it is, after all, named "Death" mode). For the main game (now called "Master" mode), there's a much appreciated addition of an instant drop. This significantly speeds up the pre-20G game. The point system is now decoupled from the grade, and a secondary but hidden point system is used to calculate the player grade. The detail of which is complex, but the take-away effect is that consistency of play is now taken into account.

Video: a a TAP Gm game recorded during a livestream

The second sequel is known in the community as Ti (again with the subtitle: Terror instinct). It had implements some gameplay elements mandated by the Tetris Company: three pieces preview, a "hold" function, and floorkicks (i.e. piece can always rotate on the ground even if it collides with it). As a happy accident, this enabled TGM to go the even higher, borderline absurd, speed. I want you to look at the sheer insanity of the Death Mode's replacement: Shirase. And then look toward the end of the run where pieces turns into brackets (a nod to the real original Electronica60 version), nullifying the convenience of both color-coded pieces as well at the white-border. It's glorious.

Video: Cleared Shirase game by KevinDDR, the best Western TGM player.

Now, on the Master mode side, there's two major changes: there's a revamp of the progression/level system, where now the speedcurve itself becomes dynamic, and a further focus on consistency. You not only have to be consistent within a game, but also across games. Indeed, there's now an account system that is tied to an examination system. It inspects your performance and randomly challenges you with an special exam game in order to reach the grade it thinks you deserve.
The last grade is of course locked behind an exam, and is only reachable through that mean.

Additional challenges

Sprinkled around the main game are some additional challenges that are a bit adjacent to the main game.

Illustration: A secret grade pattern build by ohshisaure

There's a ">" pattern you can built within the game. Doing so will award you a "secret grade" depending on how complete your chevron is. This is a nod to TGM predecessor (Sega Tetris), where bored players in the arcades invented this challenge and became popular. This is totally optional to the game, but really challenge your creativity, a bit like the golden and silver block in The New Tetris.

Video: KevinDDR and crew performance at AGDQ2015

And then there's the infamous "invisible" challenge first appearing in TAP. It is in fact a mandatory requirement to get the Gm grade. If, and only if, you played well enough in the main game, you are then presented with the invisible challenge during the credit roll, in which you have to survive during 60 grueling seconds.
I don't know the whys of this challenge, but I assume this is an extrapolation coming from the following observation: when playing the game, most players are in fact not directly looking at the stack (to convince you, look at this eye-tracked demonstration).
Looking at the stack only serves as some sort a placement confirmation, and so there's somewhere a mental model of the playfield. The invisible challenge thus forces the player to exclusively rely on this pre-existing mental model.
Fun trivia: the credit order is randomized so that you can rely on the name to estimate how much time is left.

Conclusion

So that's it for this gameplay analysis.

Hopefully you'll understand now why some people play one or several of those games 15, 20 or 22 years after their releases. All games are still played and there's no "superior version" as each version has slightly different priorities on the theme of "speedy Tetris": Ti has raw speed, TGM is careful and methodical, and TAP is a happy medium between the two.

As a game designer, what general lessons can we learn from TGM ? I'm just a random dude on the internet, but let me suggest one:

"Brevity". I keep thinking back to a textual Let's Play I've read about the second addons of Neverwinter Nights 2 (Mask of the Betrayer) . During a story recap just before the game climax, Lt. Danger offers an analysis of the expansion and writes (highlight from me):

Instead let's focus in on what makes Mask good - and I think the answer ultimately boils down to 'brevity.'
[...]
Obsidian knew what they wanted to do with Mask and wrote it accordingly. Too often in games I find some puzzle, some encounter, that could have come from anywhere; the most egregious example is Bioware's reliance on the Towers of Hanoi puzzle (which thankfully has come to an end). There's too much that has barely anything to do with the premise or purpose of the story (if they bothered to have one at all). In Mask, though, I struggle to find wasted space. I've mentioned it before, but it bears repeating: there are no irrelevant sidequests. Every quest and every NPC ties back to the core themes in some way.

If, looking back at your game, you can say "it's a game about X, hence Y", you may be on to something.

That's why remakes and sequels that "go back to their roots" are generally perceived as positive. It's an change to remove cruft and focus on the core of the game. Take Zelda Breath of the Wild for instance. Zelda 1 was a game about adventure, exploration and mystery. Hence: very few handholding, an open world, and no limits to exploration.

Of course, super-concise game shouldn't be the ultimate guiding principle of any given game. Case in point: I recently finished Yakuza 0. This is an excellent, excellent game, yet in terms of gameplay and pacing, it is all over the place: one moment you are in a crime drama, and five minutes later you're managing a cabaret club, and 10 minutes later you're in a karaoke booth singing baka mitai Judgement with a biker costume at the end.

But brevity sure can sure made your game more elegant and enjoyable.

I used to work at Amazon, and one of their internal "chatter" mailing lists had a tradition that every Friday people would write haiku, often about how their week went, or something in the news, or just something random. Going to try to resurrect that here.

If you want lines to color within, the "normal" requirements for a haiku are:

The essence of haiku is "cutting" (kiru). This is often represented by the juxtaposition of two images or ideas and a kireji ("cutting word") between them, a kind of verbal punctuation mark which signals the moment of separation and colours the manner in which the juxtaposed elements are related.

Traditional haiku often consist of 17 on (also known as morae though often loosely translated as "syllables"), in three phrases of 5, 7, and 5 on, respectively.

A kigo (seasonal reference), usually drawn from a saijiki, an extensive but defined list of such terms.

But of course often the 5-7-5 syllable structure is the only part used in Westernized haiku. Feel free to follow the guidelines above as narrowly or as loosely as you want.

What are your thoughts on the Fediverse style model of social media/websites in general? If you are unfamiliar with it, https://peertube.social/videos/watch/9c9de5e8-0a1e-484a-b099-e80766180a6d and https://peertube.social/videos/watch/d9bd2ee9-b7a4-44e3-8d65-61badd15c6e6

EDIT: Punctuation

Apple Music
Google Play
Spotify

Progressive metalcore outfit Silent Planet has finally released their third studio outing after teasing with almost half a dozen singles released. Like their previous efforts, the album is drenched pathos.

Garrett Russell's lyrics continue to impress and be the thing that truly sets Silent Planet apart from other heavy rock outfits on the scene right now. His employment of footnotes in his lyrics to help the listener know his purpose in word choice has become a hallmark of the band's output. But while Russell's lyrics have always been good, When the End Began marks a new level in his delivery. His guttural lows are booming and intense in songs like Northern Fires, while his understanding of timing and beat helps punctuate his words much better than he's ever done before, really shown off on Share the Body. Not to be content with that, he even attempts some clean vocals on the albums with a fair amount of success.

This is all complimented by guitarist Mitch Stark's djenty riffs on the guitar. While Silent Planet has been known for their emotional aesthetic, Stark sneaks in a bit of catchy riffs in tracks like Firstborn. Planet has always straddled the line between ambient and heavy, and they continue to in When the End Began, as guitars will effortlessly switch from chunky riffs to fleeting noises.

If there is a better heavy rock album coming out this year, I'd like to hear it, because I honestly want the feeling of being blown away that When the End Began gave me a second time.

Today I had to leave a social site group dedicated to original Haiku poetry from its members. I enjoy the format and structure, and find hard not to get whiskers flying when people violate either or both. Everyone in the group was posting maligned content. Haiku is strictly about nature. Insult to injury was their improper use of structure. The first two lines are a fluid combination of thought. The third is a separate observation tied to the first two. Everyone was making all three lines what would be a single sentence if punctuation was included, like this:

land gives way to sea’s
constant struggle where they clash
yet life strives to be

This is a Hailku, as I have come to understand based on teachings and learned poets:

milky morning fog
smothers inner forest realm
doe rests peacefully

Many were posting what they must have thought was Haiku, but was in fact Senryu (theme based on human feelings and condition) :

moonlight shimmers bright
across the pond’s smooth stillness
a peace flows through me

Granted, there is still international debate over the rules and intent of the Japanese art of Haiku. Most American poets agree with the 5-7-5 English language syllable count, the last line distant but related by theme to the first two lines, and that they be strictly about nature.

So look, we've all heard of Grammar Nazis, relating to nitpicking and over-zealous protection of grammatical structure in written content. In this case, I'm addressing the simplest structured form of modern poetry in use. Three freakin' lines. Seriously, shouldn't Haiku be composed correctly, like any other form of structured poetry?

There was a recent thread on ~talk about which linguistics habits people find annoying, and much to my horror, I have most of those which were mentioned. After thinking about it a little more, I realized that a lot of these habits were picked up from the media I consume and the people I interact with. I also feel that this problem is exacerbated by my poor knowledge of English grammar.

While I was taught grammar at an elementary level in school, I didn't quite grok it back then, and mostly relied on my instinct, as to what "sounded" right. I have since forgotten most of what I had learnt, and my instinct is failing me - my grammar is atrocious, my punctuation is terrible and I only have auto-correct to thank for my spelling.

I understand that English, like other languages, is constantly evolving. What is wrong now might be right tomorrow. However, I believe that this is no excuse for my shortcomings as there is merit speaking and writing in accordance with what is considered correct in the present day.

I would like to learn English from "first principles", and would greatly appreciate if some users could suggest some books/resources which could help me (bonus points for resources pertaining to British English). Any other suggestions would also be great.

Thanks, and have a nice day.

New release today, Erra's Neon.

Apple Music
Spotify
YouTube

Currently the number one metal album on iTunes' chart, Erra's Neon is the latest release from the underground metalcore act. While they've attracted a cult following, Erra rarely gets headlining tours. Neon is their newest attempt at reaching the next step.

My personal opinion is that this is the perfection of the sound the band switched to with their last release, Drift. Just as atmospheric, with little less of the chug-chug-chug of most metalcore outfits, Erra may have finally found out how to make what some call "progressive metalcore" a bit more accessible. I personally enjoy how present the bass is in the mix. Metal and hardcore both seem to forget about the instrument and put it low in the mix as an after thought. The clean vocals have always been reminiscent of post-hardcore's darling Anthony Green, and Neon is no different.

It's a little bit of a shame that we have to wait until track three to really hear some of the noodling guitar solos they are known for. In a genre more punctuated by breakdowns, Erra is a breath of fresh air when it comes to lead guitar work. But when it does happen, it is up to the standard they've put out for themselves. They seemed to have moved even further away from the djent sound of their earlier work here. I don't mind that, even if I do like djenty sounds, as I think this crisper sound is better overall for Erra. While the uncleans do hit like a truck on first listen, they stay in a mid-range throughout most of the album and it would have been nice to see them go low, as JT has been known to do live.

Overall, I gotta say this is one my favorite albums of the year so far. Every song slaps a bit, gets the head bopping along at the very least.

It's been over a week since the last programming challenge and the previous one was a bit more difficult, so let's do something easier and more accessible to newer programmers in particular. Write a function that takes two strings as input and returns true if they're anagrams of each other, or false if they're not.

Extra credit tasks:

• Don't consider the strings anagrams if they're the same barring punctuation.
• Write an efficient implementation (in terms of time and/or space complexity).
• Minimize your use of built-in functions and methods to bare essentials.
• Write the worst--but still working--implementation that you can conceive of.

ASCII table , ascii codes :
American Standard Code for Information Interchange
The complete table of ASCII characters, letters, codes, symbols and signs.
[ Home ]
[ español ]

ASCII control characters
00NULL(Null character)01SOH(Start of Header)02STX(Start of Text)03ETX(End of Text)04EOT(End of Trans.)05ENQ(Enquiry)06ACK(Acknowledgement)07BEL(Bell)08BS(Backspace)09HT(Horizontal Tab)10LF(Line feed)11VT(Vertical Tab)12FF(Form feed)13CR(Carriage return)14SO(Shift Out)15SI(Shift In)16DLE(Data link escape)17DC1(Device control 1)18DC2(Device control 2)19DC3(Device control 3)20DC4(Device control 4)21NAK(Negative acknowl.)22SYN(Synchronous idle)23ETB(End of trans. block)24CAN(Cancel)25EM(End of medium)26SUB(Substitute)27ESC(Escape)28FS(File separator)29GS(Group separator)30RS(Record separator)31US(Unit separator)127DEL(Delete)
ASCII printable
characters
32space33!34"35#36$37%38&39'40(41)42*43+44,45-46.47/48049150251352453554655756857958:59;60<61=62>63?64@65A66B67C68D69E70F71G72H73I74J75K76L77M78N79O80P81Q82R83S84T85U86V87W88X89Y90Z91[92\93]94^95_96`97a98b99c100d101e102f103g104h105i106j107k108l109m110n111o112p113q114r115s116t117u118v119w120x121y122z123{124|125}126~
Extended ASCII
characters
128Ç129ü130é131â132ä133à134å135ç136ê137ë138è139ï140î141ì142Ä143Å144É145æ146Æ147ô148ö149ò150û151ù152ÿ153Ö154Ü155ø156£157Ø158×159ƒ160á161í162ó163ú164ñ165Ñ166ª167º168¿169®170¬171½172¼173¡174«175»176░177▒178▓179│180┤181Á182Â183À184©185╣186║187╗188╝189¢190¥191┐192└193┴194┬195├196─197┼198ã199Ã200╚201╔202╩203╦204╠205═206╬207¤208ð209Ð210Ê211Ë212È213ı214Í215Î216Ï217┘218┌219█220▄221¦222Ì223▀224Ó225ß226Ô227Ò228õ229Õ230µ231þ232Þ233Ú234Û235Ù236ý237Ý238¯239´240≡241±242‗243¾244¶245§246÷247¸248°249¨250·251¹252³253²254■255nbspThe complete table of ASCII characters, codes, symbols and signs most consulted ñénye, n with tilde(alt + 164)■black square(alt + 254)²superscript two, square(alt + 253)°degree symbol(alt + 248)'apostrophe, single quote(alt + 39)µletter Mu, micro, micron(alt + 230)©copyright symbol(alt + 184)®registered trademark(alt + 169)³superscript three, cube(alt + 252)áa with acute accent(alt + 160)
frequently-used
(spanish language)
ñalt + 164Ñalt + 165@alt + 64¿alt + 168?alt + 63¡alt + 173!alt + 33:alt + 58/alt + 47\alt + 92
vowels acute accent
(spanish language)
áalt + 160éalt + 130íalt + 161óalt + 162úalt + 163Áalt + 181Éalt + 144Íalt + 214Óalt + 224Úalt + 233
vowels with
diaresis
äalt + 132ëalt + 137ïalt + 139öalt + 148üalt + 129Äalt + 142Ëalt + 211Ïalt + 216Öalt + 153Üalt + 154
mathematical
symbols
½alt + 171¼alt + 172¾alt + 243¹alt + 251³alt + 252²alt + 253ƒalt + 159±alt + 241×alt + 158÷alt + 246
commercial / trade
symbols
$alt + 36£alt + 156¥alt + 190¢alt + 189¤alt + 207®alt + 169©alt + 184ªalt + 166ºalt + 167°alt + 248
quotes and
parenthesis
"alt + 34'alt + 39(alt + 40)alt + 41[alt + 91]alt + 93{alt + 123}alt + 125«alt + 174»alt + 175Brief History of ASCII code:
The American Standard Code for Information Interchange, or ASCII code, was created in 1963 by the "American Standards Association" Committee or "ASA", the agency changed its name in 1969 by "American National Standards Institute" or "ANSI" as it is known since.

This code arises from reorder and expand the set of symbols and characters already used in telegraphy at that time by the Bell company.

At first only included capital letters and numbers , but in 1967 was added the lowercase letters and some control characters, forming what is known as US-ASCII, ie the characters 0 through 127.
So with this set of only 128 characters was published in 1967 as standard, containing all you need to write in English language.

In 1981, IBM developed an extension of 8-bit ASCII code, called "code page 437", in this version were replaced some obsolete control characters for graphic characters. Also 128 characters were added , with new symbols, signs, graphics and latin letters, all punctuation signs and characters needed to write texts in other languages, ​​such as Spanish.
In this way was added the ASCII characters ranging from 128 to 255.

IBM includes support for this code page in the hardware of its model 5150, known as "IBM-PC", considered the first personal computer.
The operating system of this model, the "MS-DOS" also used this extended ASCII code.
Almost all computer systems today use the ASCII code to represent characters and texts. (151) .

How to use the ASCII code:
Without knowing it you use it all the time, every time you use a computer system, but if all you need is to get some of the characters not included in your keyboard should do the following, for example:

How typing: Spanish letter enye, uppercase N with tilde, EÑE, enie ?
WINDOWS: on computers with Windows operating system like Windows 8, Win 7, Vista, Windows XP, etc..
To get the letter, character, sign or symbol "Ñ" : ( Spanish letter enye, uppercase N with tilde, EÑE, enie ) on computers with Windows operating system:

1. Press the "Alt" key on your keyboard, and do not let go.
2. While keep press "Alt", on your keyboard type the number "165", which is the number of the letter or symbol "Ñ" in ASCII table.
3. Then stop pressing the "Alt" key, and ...you got it! (152)

Full list of ASCII characters, letters, symbols and signs with descriptions:
ASCII control characters non printable :ASCII code 00 = NULL ( Null character )
ASCII code 01 = SOH ( Start of Header )
ASCII code 02 = STX ( Start of Text )
ASCII code 03 = ETX ( End of Text, hearts card suit )
ASCII code 04 = EOT ( End of Transmission, diamonds card suit )
ASCII code 05 = ENQ ( Enquiry, clubs card suit )
ASCII code 06 = ACK ( Acknowledgement, spade card suit )
ASCII code 07 = BEL ( Bell )
ASCII code 08 = BS ( Backspace )
ASCII code 09 = HT ( Horizontal Tab )
ASCII code 10 = LF ( Line feed )
ASCII code 11 = VT ( Vertical Tab, male symbol, symbol for Mars )
ASCII code 12 = FF ( Form feed, female symbol, symbol for Venus )
ASCII code 13 = CR ( Carriage return )
ASCII code 14 = SO ( Shift Out )
ASCII code 15 = SI ( Shift In )
ASCII code 16 = DLE ( Data link escape )
ASCII code 17 = DC1 ( Device control 1 )
ASCII code 18 = DC2 ( Device control 2 )
ASCII code 19 = DC3 ( Device control 3 )
ASCII code 20 = DC4 ( Device control 4 )
ASCII code 21 = NAK ( NAK Negative-acknowledge )
ASCII code 22 = SYN ( Synchronous idle )
ASCII code 23 = ETB ( End of trans. block )
ASCII code 24 = CAN ( Cancel )
ASCII code 25 = EM ( End of medium )
ASCII code 26 = SUB ( Substitute )
ASCII code 27 = ESC ( Escape )
ASCII code 28 = FS ( File separator )
ASCII code 29 = GS ( Group separator )
ASCII code 30 = RS ( Record separator )
ASCII code 31 = US ( Unit separator )
ASCII code 127 = DEL ( Delete )
Printable ASCII characters :
( alphanumeric, symbols and signs )ASCII code 32 = space ( Space )
ASCII code 33 = ! ( Exclamation mark )
ASCII code 34 = " ( Double quotes ; Quotation mark ; speech marks )
ASCII code 35 = # ( Number sign )
ASCII code 36 = $ ( Dollar sign )
ASCII code 37 = % ( Percent sign )
ASCII code 38 = & ( Ampersand )
ASCII code 39 = ' ( Single quote or Apostrophe )
ASCII code 40 = ( ( round brackets or parentheses, opening round bracket )
ASCII code 41 = ) ( parentheses or round brackets, closing parentheses )
ASCII code 42 = * ( Asterisk )
ASCII code 43 = + ( Plus sign )
ASCII code 44 = , ( Comma )
ASCII code 45 = - ( Hyphen , minus sign )
ASCII code 46 = . ( Dot, full stop )
ASCII code 47 = / ( Slash , forward slash , fraction bar , division slash )
ASCII code 48 = 0 ( number zero )
ASCII code 49 = 1 ( number one )
ASCII code 50 = 2 ( number two )
ASCII code 51 = 3 ( number three )
ASCII code 52 = 4 ( number four )
ASCII code 53 = 5 ( number five )
ASCII code 54 = 6 ( number six )
ASCII code 55 = 7 ( number seven )
ASCII code 56 = 8 ( number eight )
ASCII code 57 = 9 ( number nine )
ASCII code 58 = : ( Colon )
ASCII code 59 = ; ( Semicolon )
ASCII code 60 = < ( Less-than sign )
ASCII code 61 = = ( Equals sign )
ASCII code 62 = > ( Greater-than sign ; Inequality )
ASCII code 63 = ? ( Question mark )
ASCII code 64 = @ ( At sign )
ASCII code 65 = A ( Capital letter A )
ASCII code 66 = B ( Capital letter B )
ASCII code 67 = C ( Capital letter C )
ASCII code 68 = D ( Capital letter D )
ASCII code 69 = E ( Capital letter E )
ASCII code 70 = F ( Capital letter F )
ASCII code 71 = G ( Capital letter G )
ASCII code 72 = H ( Capital letter H )
ASCII code 73 = I ( Capital letter I )
ASCII code 74 = J ( Capital letter J )
ASCII code 75 = K ( Capital letter K )
ASCII code 76 = L ( Capital letter L )
ASCII code 77 = M ( Capital letter M )
ASCII code 78 = N ( Capital letter N )
ASCII code 79 = O ( Capital letter O )
ASCII code 80 = P ( Capital letter P )
ASCII code 81 = Q ( Capital letter Q )
ASCII code 82 = R ( Capital letter R )
ASCII code 83 = S ( Capital letter S )
ASCII code 84 = T ( Capital letter T )
ASCII code 85 = U ( Capital letter U )
ASCII code 86 = V ( Capital letter V )
ASCII code 87 = W ( Capital letter W )
ASCII code 88 = X ( Capital letter X )
ASCII code 89 = Y ( Capital letter Y )
ASCII code 90 = Z ( Capital letter Z )
ASCII code 91 = [ ( square brackets or box brackets, opening bracket )
ASCII code 92 = \ ( Backslash , reverse slash )
ASCII code 93 = ] ( box brackets or square brackets, closing bracket )
ASCII code 94 = ^ ( Circumflex accent or Caret )
ASCII code 95 = _ ( underscore , understrike , underbar or low line )
ASCII code 96 = ` ( Grave accent )
ASCII code 97 = a ( Lowercase letter a , minuscule a )
ASCII code 98 = b ( Lowercase letter b , minuscule b )
ASCII code 99 = c ( Lowercase letter c , minuscule c )
ASCII code 100 = d ( Lowercase letter d , minuscule d )
ASCII code 101 = e ( Lowercase letter e , minuscule e )
ASCII code 102 = f ( Lowercase letter f , minuscule f )
ASCII code 103 = g ( Lowercase letter g , minuscule g )
ASCII code 104 = h ( Lowercase letter h , minuscule h )
ASCII code 105 = i ( Lowercase letter i , minuscule i )
ASCII code 106 = j ( Lowercase letter j , minuscule j )
ASCII code 107 = k ( Lowercase letter k , minuscule k )
ASCII code 108 = l ( Lowercase letter l , minuscule l )
ASCII code 109 = m ( Lowercase letter m , minuscule m )
ASCII code 110 = n ( Lowercase letter n , minuscule n )
ASCII code 111 = o ( Lowercase letter o , minuscule o )
ASCII code 112 = p ( Lowercase letter p , minuscule p )
ASCII code 113 = q ( Lowercase letter q , minuscule q )
ASCII code 114 = r ( Lowercase letter r , minuscule r )
ASCII code 115 = s ( Lowercase letter s , minuscule s )
ASCII code 116 = t ( Lowercase letter t , minuscule t )
ASCII code 117 = u ( Lowercase letter u , minuscule u )
ASCII code 118 = v ( Lowercase letter v , minuscule v )
ASCII code 119 = w ( Lowercase letter w , minuscule w )
ASCII code 120 = x ( Lowercase letter x , minuscule x )
ASCII code 121 = y ( Lowercase letter y , minuscule y )
ASCII code 122 = z ( Lowercase letter z , minuscule z )
ASCII code 123 = { ( braces or curly brackets, opening braces )
ASCII code 124 = | ( vertical-bar, vbar, vertical line or vertical slash )
ASCII code 125 = } ( curly brackets or braces, closing curly brackets )
ASCII code 126 = ~ ( Tilde ; swung dash )
ASCII Extended Characters :ASCII code 128 = Ç ( Majuscule C-cedilla )
ASCII code 129 = ü ( letter u with umlaut or diaeresis , u-umlaut )
ASCII code 130 = é ( letter e with acute accent or e-acute )
ASCII code 131 = â ( letter a with circumflex accent or a-circumflex )
ASCII code 132 = ä ( letter a with umlaut or diaeresis , a-umlaut )
ASCII code 133 = à ( letter a with grave accent )
ASCII code 134 = å ( letter a with a ring )
ASCII code 135 = ç ( Minuscule c-cedilla )
ASCII code 136 = ê ( letter e with circumflex accent or e-circumflex )
ASCII code 137 = ë ( letter e with umlaut or diaeresis ; e-umlauts )
ASCII code 138 = è ( letter e with grave accent )
ASCII code 139 = ï ( letter i with umlaut or diaeresis ; i-umlaut )
ASCII code 140 = î ( letter i with circumflex accent or i-circumflex )
ASCII code 141 = ì ( letter i with grave accent )
ASCII code 142 = Ä ( letter A with umlaut or diaeresis ; A-umlaut )
ASCII code 143 = Å ( Capital letter A with a ring )
ASCII code 144 = É ( Capital letter E with acute accent or E-acute )
ASCII code 145 = æ ( Latin diphthong ae in lowercase )
ASCII code 146 = Æ ( Latin diphthong AE in uppercase )
ASCII code 147 = ô ( letter o with circumflex accent or o-circumflex )
ASCII code 148 = ö ( letter o with umlaut or diaeresis ; o-umlaut )
ASCII code 149 = ò ( letter o with grave accent )
ASCII code 150 = û ( letter u with circumflex accent or u-circumflex )
ASCII code 151 = ù ( letter u with grave accent )
ASCII code 152 = ÿ ( Lowercase letter y with diaeresis )
ASCII code 153 = Ö ( Letter O with umlaut or diaeresis ; O-umlaut )
ASCII code 154 = Ü ( Letter U with umlaut or diaeresis ; U-umlaut )
ASCII code 155 = ø ( Lowercase slashed zero or empty set )
ASCII code 156 = £ ( Pound sign ; symbol for the pound sterling )
ASCII code 157 = Ø ( Uppercase slashed zero or empty set )
ASCII code 158 = × ( Multiplication sign )
ASCII code 159 = ƒ ( Function sign ; f with hook sign ; florin sign )
ASCII code 160 = á ( Lowercase letter a with acute accent or a-acute )
ASCII code 161 = í ( Lowercase letter i with acute accent or i-acute )
ASCII code 162 = ó ( Lowercase letter o with acute accent or o-acute )
ASCII code 163 = ú ( Lowercase letter u with acute accent or u-acute )
ASCII code 164 = ñ ( eñe, enie, spanish letter enye, lowercase n with tilde )
ASCII code 165 = Ñ ( Spanish letter enye, uppercase N with tilde, EÑE, enie )
ASCII code 166 = ª ( feminine ordinal indicator )
ASCII code 167 = º ( masculine ordinal indicator )
ASCII code 168 = ¿ ( Inverted question marks )
ASCII code 169 = ® ( Registered trademark symbol )
ASCII code 170 = ¬ ( Logical negation symbol )
ASCII code 171 = ½ ( One half )
ASCII code 172 = ¼ ( Quarter, one fourth )
ASCII code 173 = ¡ ( Inverted exclamation marks )
ASCII code 174 = « ( Angle quotes, guillemets, right-pointing quotation mark )
ASCII code 175 = » ( Guillemets, angle quotes, left-pointing quotation marks )
ASCII code 176 = ░ ( Graphic character, low density dotted )
ASCII code 177 = ▒ ( Graphic character, medium density dotted )
ASCII code 178 = ▓ ( Graphic character, high density dotted )
ASCII code 179 = │ ( Box drawing character single vertical line )
ASCII code 180 = ┤ ( Box drawing character single vertical and left line )
ASCII code 181 = Á ( Capital letter A with acute accent or A-acute )
ASCII code 182 = Â ( Letter A with circumflex accent or A-circumflex )
ASCII code 183 = À ( Letter A with grave accent )
ASCII code 184 = © ( Copyright symbol )
ASCII code 185 = ╣ ( Box drawing character double line vertical and left )
ASCII code 186 = ║ ( Box drawing character double vertical line )
ASCII code 187 = ╗ ( Box drawing character double line upper right corner )
ASCII code 188 = ╝ ( Box drawing character double line lower right corner )
ASCII code 189 = ¢ ( Cent symbol )
ASCII code 190 = ¥ ( YEN and YUAN sign )
ASCII code 191 = ┐ ( Box drawing character single line upper right corner )
ASCII code 192 = └ ( Box drawing character single line lower left corner )
ASCII code 193 = ┴ ( Box drawing character single line horizontal and up )
ASCII code 194 = ┬ ( Box drawing character single line horizontal down )
ASCII code 195 = ├ ( Box drawing character single line vertical and right )
ASCII code 196 = ─ ( Box drawing character single horizontal line )
ASCII code 197 = ┼ ( Box drawing character single line horizontal vertical )
ASCII code 198 = ã ( Lowercase letter a with tilde or a-tilde )
ASCII code 199 = Ã ( Capital letter A with tilde or A-tilde )
ASCII code 200 = ╚ ( Box drawing character double line lower left corner )
ASCII code 201 = ╔ ( Box drawing character double line upper left corner )
ASCII code 202 = ╩ ( Box drawing character double line horizontal and up )
ASCII code 203 = ╦ ( Box drawing character double line horizontal down )
ASCII code 204 = ╠ ( Box drawing character double line vertical and right )
ASCII code 205 = ═ ( Box drawing character double horizontal line )
ASCII code 206 = ╬ ( Box drawing character double line horizontal vertical )
ASCII code 207 = ¤ ( Generic currency sign )
ASCII code 208 = ð ( Lowercase letter eth )
ASCII code 209 = Ð ( Capital letter Eth )
ASCII code 210 = Ê ( Letter E with circumflex accent or E-circumflex )
ASCII code 211 = Ë ( Letter E with umlaut or diaeresis, E-umlaut )
ASCII code 212 = È ( Capital letter E with grave accent )
ASCII code 213 = ı ( Lowercase dot less i )
ASCII code 214 = Í ( Capital letter I with acute accent or I-acute )
ASCII code 215 = Î ( Letter I with circumflex accent or I-circumflex )
ASCII code 216 = Ï ( Letter I with umlaut or diaeresis ; I-umlaut )
ASCII code 217 = ┘ ( Box drawing character single line lower right corner )
ASCII code 218 = ┌ ( Box drawing character single line upper left corner )
ASCII code 219 = █ ( Block, graphic character )
ASCII code 220 = ▄ ( Bottom half block )
ASCII code 221 = ¦ ( Vertical broken bar )
ASCII code 222 = Ì ( Capital letter I with grave accent )
ASCII code 223 = ▀ ( Top half block )
ASCII code 224 = Ó ( Capital letter O with acute accent or O-acute )
ASCII code 225 = ß ( Letter Eszett ; scharfes S or sharp S )
ASCII code 226 = Ô ( Letter O with circumflex accent or O-circumflex )
ASCII code 227 = Ò ( Capital letter O with grave accent )
ASCII code 228 = õ ( Lowercase letter o with tilde or o-tilde )
ASCII code 229 = Õ ( Capital letter O with tilde or O-tilde )
ASCII code 230 = µ ( Lowercase letter Mu ; micro sign or micron )
ASCII code 231 = þ ( Lowercase letter Thorn )
ASCII code 232 = Þ ( Capital letter Thorn )
ASCII code 233 = Ú ( Capital letter U with acute accent or U-acute )
ASCII code 234 = Û ( Letter U with circumflex accent or U-circumflex )
ASCII code 235 = Ù ( Capital letter U with grave accent )
ASCII code 236 = ý ( Lowercase letter y with acute accent )
ASCII code 237 = Ý ( Capital letter Y with acute accent )
ASCII code 238 = ¯ ( Macron symbol )
ASCII code 239 = ´ ( Acute accent )
ASCII code 240 = ≡ ( Congruence relation symbol )
ASCII code 241 = ± ( Plus-minus sign )
ASCII code 242 = ‗ ( underline or underscore )
ASCII code 243 = ¾ ( three quarters, three-fourths )
ASCII code 244 = ¶ ( Paragraph sign or pilcrow ; end paragraph mark )
ASCII code 245 = § ( Section sign )
ASCII code 246 = ÷ ( The division sign ; Obelus )
ASCII code 247 = ¸ ( cedilla )
ASCII code 248 = ° ( Degree symbol )
ASCII code 249 = ¨ ( Diaresis )
ASCII code 250 = · ( Interpunct or space dot )
ASCII code 251 = ¹ ( Superscript one, exponent 1, first power )
ASCII code 252 = ³ ( Superscript three, exponent 3, cube, third power )
ASCII code 253 = ² ( Superscript two, exponent 2, square, second power )
ASCII code 254 = ■ ( black square )
ASCII code 255 = nbsp ( Non-breaking space or no-break space )
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