I'm a pretty introspective person. I grew up with an emotionally abusive parent, struggled with my mental health from teenagerhood, and been to more therapy than I can remember since the time of my parents' divorce when I was eight. My siblings and I have done a lot of deconstructing over the years to figure out what the heck happened to us (the abuse was pretty insidious and, of course, we normalized it) and how it affected us internally. I'm also most likely autistic and have always struggled to socialize correctly, which led to a LOT of observation and imitation that was both conscious and unconscious.

Despite all this practice at introspection though, in the past few years, I've come to realize I am wildly out of touch with my own emotions. I am tempted to blame much of this on the fact that I was always collecting social "scripts" to follow, so that I could react appropriately to jokes, or good/bad news, or whatever. If you're acting, you don't actually need to know how you feel. And if you feel something different from standard, it's irrelevant because it's "wrong" to feel that way, so you ignore it. So it took me a long time to realize that my display for other people was actually pretty disconnected from whether I was actually feeling anything. I don't feel it was dishonest, though, because I still would have wanted to show sympathy, excitement, etc. for the people I care about. It just takes me so long to process things that I wouldn't have been able to do it within the same conversation if I didn't have a ready script.

I know that some autistic people experience alexithymia/emotional blindness, but it doesn't look terribly well understood. I know I should probably get back on the therapy horse, for a number of reasons including this one, but I'm pretty leery. I never felt like it helped me much. (Although most of it, at the time, was to help me with "depression". Which I certainly had, but there was no understanding from either my end or theirs that the cause was likely rooted in ADHD/autism.) And I did try to start up again last year; I found a psychologist who specialized in ADHD and autism, and although she seemed understanding at first, I felt like I couldn't establish any clear communication and we just kept talking past each other. At this time, I super don't have the energy to keep trying new therapists, and waste weeks or months on each one before I figure out we won't click.

So I ask: have any of you folks ever dealt with emotional blindness? If so, how have you learned to identify your emotions? Do you keep a feelings journal, and how do you even know what to put in at first? Any advice is welcome!

I know it's not even Thanksgiving yet (for those in the US), but Christmas shopping season has already started.

What gifts would you enjoy receiving this year? Large, small, fun, functional, or anything in between. I also acknowledge that some people try not to request anything as part of a minimalist or reduced waste mindset. In that situation, what do you request- money, donations to specific charities on your behalf, something else?

Hey, Tildes! cqns here -
After four-ish years, I've finally sat down and realized that my "novel thing" is...non-conventional at best. As such, it required a whole rewrite of the introduction, beginning with a cold open, an autopsy report. Problem with that is (1) I'm not a medical professional in any capacity and (2) I've already looked up how to do this (Reddit's no help, obviously). Basically, I want this autopsy report to look realistic and to also increase my understanding of how to decipher one so I can get an idea of how to write it...

Did you or someone you know go to [edit public private, parent paid] school, esp if the students' parents can't easily afford it? Did their parents actually move to be closer to a prestigious school? Is it worth it for folks who aren't old boys/old girls and in general are neither new nor old money? Does it ever make sense to use the college fund to pay for secondary education?

Week 4 has begun!

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Quick links:

• Backlog Bingo Site
• Week 1 Discussion and Event Guidelines
• Week 2 Discussion
• Week 3 Discussion

Week 3 Recap

12 participants played 12 bingo cards and moved 34 games out of their backlogs!
There were 0 bingo wins.

• 4 people played Flow bingo cards
• 8 people played Flux bingo cards

Thus far, a total of 87 games have been played for the November 2024 Backlog Burner.

Week 3 Game List:

• Ariel_Knight’s Never Yield
• BioShock 2 Remastered
• Call of the Sea
• Cave Story+
• Cavity Busters
• Celeste
• Cloud Gardens
• Convoy
• Eigengrau
• FPS Chess
• Garden Life: A Cozy Simulator
• Golf Club Nostalgia
• Hades
• Half-Life 2: VR Mod
• Lost in Blue
• Mining Mechs
• No Man’s Sky
• Paradise Killer
• Party Hard
• PictoQuest
• Portal 2
• Portal with RTX
• Praey for the Gods
• Prey
• Project Borealis: Prologue
• Project Warlock II
• Pumpkin Jack
• Slant
• Subnautica
• The Falconeer
• The Gardens Between
• Victoria 3
• Warhammer 40,000: Darktide
• Warpips