Hi Tilderinos!

I've recently found myself being less and less interested in posting to Tildes and reading less, which surprised me as it had become a pretty strong habit for me. After giving it some thought, I've realized it's because I have noticed a sharp uptick in negative sentiment being posted about/shared here (largely in the forms of pessimism/defeatism and/or apathetic/indifferent responses to people's struggles and experiences), and so I wanted to actually do something about it rather than simply grumble and let it continue unabated.

This isn't to shame or tone-police anyone - it's rough out there, and I don't think posters are on here trying to put struggling people down. But I wanted to come back with something firmly, boldly optimistic: I believe that we are actively making the world a better place. Yes, even you, random reader who might feel like they're stuck in a rut and/or doing nothing notable. Just by frequenting a website that's explicitly geared towards constructive communication and deeper thinking, you're making the world a better place. I truly mean that!

I think good things are still happening, and I think a lot of really smart people aren't giving up on trying to make the world a better place, one small step at a time. To quote one of my favourite BlueSky Poster's Username: Better Things Are Possible.

Never forget it!

I'll share a few positive trends I've noticed lately in the comments, and hope others will share as well - but no pressure. I hope this brightens even one person's day!

Given some other very strong and interesting discussion on male loneliness recently (I'm intentionally not linking to avoid adding to drama or bringing that tension here), I thought I'd try and spark a discussion on what I see as a major problem that addresses male loneliness significantly without digging into the thorniness of gender norms and responsibilities: the death of third spaces.

There has been a decent amount of writing on the fact that third spaces - spaces that are not home or work where people can meet, hang out and build community - have been disappearing since at least the 90s (and really going extinct since Covid), and that we need to actively recreate them. But I have not yet seen any proposal that I think could be easily replicated and addresses the core needs that third spaces address. In fact, I haven't even seen any agreed-upon definition of what an ideal third space is, or what specific needs they should address!

So, let's talk about it. In no particular priority or order:

• What are some third spaces you enjoy or fondly remember?
• What are the key features of third spaces to you? Do they need to be free, or just low enough cost that people can join in relatively easily?
• What key needs should a good third space address?
• Who should run them? The government? Community groups? For-profit?
• Are there any groups or initiatives that have shown a good formula for re-creating third spaces across their communities?
• How do we ensure people are motivated to join third spaces? We aren't going to get really lonely, isolated people out just by opening up doors most of the time.

The other day at the bus stop I overheard a mom saying how amazing it was that her husband not only cooked dinner - pasta - but also then put the kids to bed. The woman she was talking to nodded sagely in agreement: clearly this was laudable.

Is the bar for being a good father and husband so low? What the hell?

This isn't really new to me, I suppose. I've worked mainly with women my whole life and too often I hear that the bare minimum seems to be "they provide money" and occasionally throw down a meal and play with the kids. Sometimes, even that is expecting too much.

Can I get some perspective on this?