I'm finally ready to sacrifice my self esteem and faith in humanity at the altar of dating apps. My question for those of you with more experience with them is this - do different apps attract noticeably different pools of users? What have you noticed comparing the populations on different apps? Which wound up working best for you, if any of them did?

Any that had particular features that bothered you? I've been using Hinge for like a day and already discovered they have a separate queue for your best matches that they demand a premium currency to message :/

Living in northern Virginia, it seems like half of newly-constructed homes are earmarked for "active adult" 55 and up communities.

Is there a financial incentive above and beyond normal residential construction that these are popping up more?

It seems like a newer trend that's picked up in the last 5 or 10 years.

Edit 1: Thank you all for the input and sharing your perspective. It's just been a question hanging in the back of my mind as I've been driving around in recent months.

and a good japanese futon mattress as well.

i'm moving from a house into an apartment and am scaling my life down significantly. this seems a pretty good option... but unfortunately i don't know a whole lot about either of these (yet) so i'm looking for some guidance.

thanks!

Hi all. I'm planning on proposing to my girlfriend this year. I'm looking for a place to buy a simple/dainty moissanite or lab-grown diamond ring, preferably from an ethical seller with a good return policy. Does anyone have any recommendations?

In the next few months, I'm going to be on the rental market again for the first time in a couple of years. The last time I rented, I lucked into a very nice condo that was being rented out by the owner, and it was fantastic. We developed a great rapport. I looked after the place and paid the rent on time. She was kind and responsive whenever I had a problem. It felt like we were both getting exactly what we needed out of the arrangement.

She wanted to raise the rent when my lease renewed, but it was a very reasonable ask to cover an increase in her HOA fees. It was significantly less any increase than I had been subjected to on any prior lease renewal, which I appreciated.

After experiencing this, I decided I was done with corporate landlords who use algorithms (i.e., price fixing) to make sure they're extracting as much cash as possible and churning through tenants as they progressively price out more and more people without any regard for them and with no connection to the communities they're hollowing out on the way to more profit.

I ended up leaving that condo for a reason unrelated to the rent increase, and I'm trying to find a similar setup again… but I'm not sure where to look honestly. Pretty sure I found that place on Craigslist which seems to have since devolved into a playground for scammy "landlords" whose dear old mothers have all come up sick in some far away corner of the country so they can't show me the furnished apartment they're renting for 20% below market rate, but if I'll kindly send the deposit, they'll gladly mail me the keys.

Does anyone have any hot tips for how to find rentals like this in major metropolitan areas in the US?

I am co-admin of a small Discord group (currently 5 members; we like to keep it up around 7-9) that is dedicated to enthusiastic, interactive accountability, support, task management, habit tracking, yada ... all that good stuff. Atomic Habits is one of our popular guiding stars.

And, yeah, we've lost a couple of members recently, and we're looking to invite a few new people to the group.

This is an active group. We expect people to contribute (at least) daily, both regarding their own efforts, and in helping/supporting others in their efforts. One of the things we try to emphasize is providing active support and feedback to others, rather than just posting our own goals and efforts ... this is one of the areas where we feel that "traditional" accountability buddies/groups fail.

Drop me a DM if you're interested, and we can discuss details.

Edit: Thanks for the replies. I think we have enough "new blood" for now. If you're still interested, just keep an eye out for another invite post in a few months, when membership starts to flag.

Hi Tildes! Long time lurker here who recently got an account. I love the long-form thoughtful discussion here and thought this might generate some interesting replies.

I and my partner left a high-control religious community (fundamentalist evangelicalism, think a Canadian version of the Shiny Happy People doc) eight years ago, and the experience was like a bomb going off in our life that we still find ourselves recovering from in many ways.

Growing up in that environment led to us having an extremely strong, and very possibly distorted, sense of what community is. People that treat you like family; bringing meals when you're sick, throwing you wedding showers, helping with home repairs, being shoulders to cry on... the works. Of course, as we later found out, this community could very easily be turned against you by certain powerful members of it, and it turned out there were many many strings attached that only became visible once we bumped up against them. When we left Christianity our entire community essentially disowned and ghosted us and we were left adrift.

It's now been eight years and we've managed to develop some friendships with folks that we hang out with once in a while, but nothing that even approaches the level of closeness and "family" that we felt in the church.

But maybe that's not normal or a realistic expectation? The funny thing about being so immersed in a subculture like that your entire life is that when you're suddenly on the outside of it, you realize you don't really have any idea what normal is. I still feel like I don't a lot of the time.

So: What insight can you share? Has anyone had a similar experience? What do your social communities look like out here in the real world? How do you find them?

In light of our 4th 5th^ish? anniversary here, I believe it is time for another thread on those beloved furry/scaly/feathered friends we all know and are beholden to.

So fellow Tilderinos, share your pets! Photos! Stories! Antics! Attitudes! How they've changed your life! How you've changed theirs!

Inspired by this thread

I'm a young single adult with a fairly well paying remote job. I've been in my career for almost 4 years now and have saved up a decent chunk of money through investing and saving.

My game plan was to use the "market crash" that everyone was predicting in 2023 to try and make a stab at purchasing a home. When the interest rates spiked I thought it was a great sign for me because I thought for sure that housing prices would fall accordingly, jokes on me though because several months later homes in my area have barely gone down in price at all and even closer to town in nicer areas prices continue to climb.

Not only that but the only real thing the rate hikes have done for me personally is make what was looking like a modest mortgage payment suddenly become far less affordable, even with my very low personal spending.

Is anyone else in a similar situation? Are we doomed to rent forever? Should I move out to the boonies where it seems like that's the only place left with non-insane housing prices?

I look at Zillow and houses in my area that sold for 200k~ less than 5 years ago are now on the market for 400k-500k. It feels like anyone who didn't get in back then is just completely screwed

/rant

I haven't seen a post talking about or sharing pets on Tildes yet. My pets are a huge part of my life, and I'm sure others are the same way. Tell their stories, and post some pictures!

Lily was my wife and I's first pet. We got her at an adoption event, and she was a wonderful animal. Unfortunately, she did not like getting a lot less attention when we had kids. It got to the point where we gave her up to a new home because she was violent with our children. She needed lots of attention, and we couldn't do that for her, she found an only-cat home and is much happier.

Solo was our second pet, and the old man of the house, being now 10 years old with FIV. My MIL fed the neighborhood cats before they moved, and we noticed this guy in terrible condition. He had no chip, and it looks like no home for a while. My wife originally said we would keep him until he got better, then we would put him up for adoption. Instead, we decided to keep him. At night he comes upstairs and lays on me before bed, purring heavily. Best anti-anxiety medicine ever!

Aurora is our newest addition to our family. She's a total goofball and brings joy and silliness to our home. even though she's a Husky, she doesn't "talk" much, but all the other melodrama is still there. She always wants to hold my hand as a sign of affection, and wants all the love all the time, just like she gives. She helps me stick to my running regiment being my running buddy, and has done noticeable wonders for my mental health, something both my parents and siblings have told me.

I'm a few years out of college and just landed my first "career" job last fall as an operations manager at a non-tech company. I enjoy the work and am learning a lot, but the work/life balance leaves a bit to be desired with very limited PTO days. My girlfriend and I want to move to the Denver area about a year from now and I want to try to get a job in the tech industry doing operations or project management.

Have any of you been in my position before? What kind of jobs can someone with about 2 years of operations management experience find to get them on the project manager track at a tech company?

I'm new to tildes and thought I'd start a topic about frugality, as it's something constantly on my mind. (hopefully ~life is the right place, apologies in advance if not!) I try to look at spending a few ways; cost, environmental impact, and time. The time is important, because some frugal tips take up so much time that they end up not being very frugal in the long run. So here are some of the things I've done or started doing in the past few years to try and bring our monthly budget down without giving up much.

Started using Flipp, Ibotta and Flash Food.

These three apps aren't going to save you a ton but enough to make a difference without much effort. Flipp uses your location to gather all the circular ads for stores near you so you can compare prices on items more efficiently. Ibotta is a rebate app that is quick and easy, just claim anything you might buy and once you hit 20 bucks you can redeem for gift cards or cash. The key is to only buy things if it ends up being cheaper than the option you normally buy, or stuff you buy already. Flash Food is a new favorite and isn't everywhere but can be really beneficial for produce particularly. Participating stores list items that are overstock or near expiration for significant discounts. You buy right on the app, and head to the the flash food station in the store to pick them up. Mine is by the self checkouts, there's a big freezer with the logo stationed there. They have huge produce boxes often for only 5 bucks! The assortment of goods will vary by store and time of day so I check every so often if I know I'll be near or going grocery shopping anyways.

*If you don't have flash food, there's another called Too Good To Go, It's not in my area so I can't say how useful it is. However, it works similarly for stores but also includes restaurants.

Switched to a double edged safety razor

with a bit of practice, they are just as easy to use as a cartridge razor. The best part is after the initial cost they are CHEAP and you aren't throwing away plastic cartridges anymore.

Vacuum Sealer and Deep Freezer

I slept on a vacuum sealer for far too long, theses keep frozen goods better for so long without worry of freezer burn. Combine that with Flash Food, and you can really save without much effort.

Switched to a Menstrual Cup

I did this many years ago and never looked back. I will be upfront and say that it isn't going to be for everyone, we are all shaped different! However there are many more options for reusable products these days if a cup just doesn't work (discs, cloth pads, and period panties to name a few.) I have endometriosis and I'm a heavy bleeder so this has easily saved me thousands in disposable costs and worked better for me anyhow.

Gardening

This one is tough because it's easy to go over board with costs, but if you get creative with containers and boxes, buy loads of dirt instead of bags, and start from seed indoors and it can be a pretty cheap way to have fresh produce. Add in the vacuum sealer or canning and you can make it even more worth the time. To go with that, I collect rainwater. This is dependent on your local regs of course so find that out first!

Instead of going out to dinner with friends, host pot lucks instead.

This saves everyone money, you still get to see your buds and have a super nice meal. Throw in some board games and it's sure to be a good evening and only cost you the price of a dish.

Rotate your streaming services and other subscriptions

You can't watch them all at once, so why pay for them all the time? I'm sure they are all about to make it harder to share following in Netflix's footsteps so it's a good time to sit down and look at what you are paying for and what you are actually using. You'd be surprised how easy it is to shave off some costs.

Eliminate single use items where you can

I've already touched on this, but things like paper towels, paper plates, plastic storage bags etc add up if you are using them frequently. There are so many things that fill our landfills just for convenience and you are paying for the privilege! There are so many great reusable items these days, it's become more affordable for upfront costs. Coffee pods, makeup wipes, razors, swiffers, bottled water -- it's never ending and all cost more than their frugal alternatives. For instance, I drink tea and switched to a reusable diffuser and loose leaf as well as using an electric kettle instead of turning on the stove or microwave using much less energy and the used tea is good compost and breaks down faster than the bagged variety.

Use your dishwasher

It seems silly, and obviously not everyone has one, but a relatively newer dishwasher is going to use a lot less water than handwashing and it disinfects better.

Feeling like you need that decor item? Try moving decor around instead

You should be deep cleaning your home anyways, and if things feel stale and you are itching to spend try moving things around instead. You'll often find that you are just bored with the current layout of things. So while cleaning, switch it up!

Keep inventory of your freezer

Deep freezers are easy to lose things in, or forget are in there when you go shopping. I use a notes app shared with my husband with a list of stuff in the freezer so we don't buy things we already have and it's easier to figure out a meal at a glance at the list.

At least try to fix or mend things instead of buying new

It's certainly not feasible with some things anymore, and sometimes it ends up being more expensive but it never hurt to take a second look at something before rebuying. Mending clothing, buying a cheap part etc can save you some money and keep things out of the landfill.

I'm excited to read any ideas you guys have. My next venture is going to be meal prepping, so any tips for that would be extra awesome!

After several years, my current pair of shoes has finally fallen apart. I don't need to look cool, or any other bells and whistles. I am looking for a simple pair of men's shoes. I want something that preferably doesn't use sweat shops.

Any suggestions?

I saw some topics on note-taking programs and apps, so I felt a topic on note-taking strategies would be a nice complementary one. When I was still a student, I experimented with various note types (mind map, Cornell, bullet points,...) but ever since I started working, I've sort of stopped experimenting. Hence my question: how do you take meeting notes?

My parents are great. That being said, every time my 2.5 year-old comes home it is bananas. They are so over stimulated, who knows what they have eaten. Usually screaming and in just in a state of complete deregulation. I can’t tell if I just need to deal with it as part of grandparent time. We don’t correct my parents, we do offer suggestions and give them food and snacks etc but inevitably what is eaten is some sugary cereal and junk.

Do any of you deal with this? Do I need to chill out? I am writing this as my child falls asleep after screaming for 2 hrs. So I am a still a little frustrated.

Extending a warm Happy Father's Day to all fathers, grandfathers, adoptive fathers, step fathers, god fathers, spiritual fathers, father in law's, soon to be fathers, those who would have been fathers, our departed fathers, and others that I have missed.

May your day be beautiful and wonderful.

Celebrate!

Edit: Okay it's Monday now : ) How'd it go? For fathers with very young children did you guys get home made cards from the mom plus stickers contributed by your child(ren)? Where are you going to store these cards, or do they go straight in the recycling, you monster?

For context: I'm going from southern California to Salt Lake City, Utah, and I'm moving for work. I've never lived alone for an extended period of time before. I figure I've got a handle on it, but there's always something that I forget or don't know, so I'd like to ask you all for advice.

I'm relocating soon and trying to find the right spot for me. I don't want this to be an individual recommendation thread though. Instead, just tell me about your favorite urban neighborhoods — what you love about them, what isn't so great, and what makes them stand out from the rest.

I think many of us are students, or just like self-learning some topics for themselves, perhaps their work requires studying — I think it might be interesting to collect a few tips we have experience with on how to do it efficiently.

I would start with probably one of the best tools in this category that I think are still underutilized by many: spaced-repetition software. Perhaps more people might be familiar with the concept from language learning with word cards, but the base idea is that reinforcing some knowledge at increasing intervals will effectively make you remember it ’forever’. A final selling point on this topic: it only requires 10 minutes out of your entire life to remember a fact for basically forever with instant recall - that’s a very good use of one’s time in my opinion. For more information on it here is a great article.
(It’s talking about Anki, a notable spaced repetition program that is free and open-source (the ios client is paid though, as this is the only income source of the maintainer, but you could just use the web interface as well. Not affiliated))

I have a new niece and I'm making a list of songs which we can play for her naptime when we babysit. I have some Raffi songs and my childhood lullabies (Edelweiss from my mom and Moonshadow from my dad), as well as some calm songs from my Spotify playlist.

But it made me wonder, what songs did your parents sing when you were young? Children's songs? Disney? Pop? Metallica?

I'm also interested in whether you think it's best to keep a small list and rotate through, for comfort's sake, or if it's also okay to have a wider variety of songs as lullabies.

This is a general ask for those that successfully made pivots in their overall careers. What was your experience like? Why did you make it? Did you feel like when you made the pivot you were starting from the bottom? or did you gradually change roles within a single company to ease yourself into the transition?

I'm currently trying to make a change of career (hence the question). My goal is to pivot out of a market research role into a software engineer focused role. Worry constantly creeps in about feasibility. I make good money in the role I'm in so could I take a possible hit to my salary if I had to start in a junior role? I turn 29 this year, and part of me worries if I'm too far down the path to make such a big change. Now, I've tempered some of the fear as I know I could apply my knowledge of research to create tools I've seen the industry in need of. I've dabbled in common languages like HTML, CSS, Lua, JS, Python, and R during my time in research.

Now, I think I've compiled the 3 hardest questions regarding my specific apprehension of moving into software development:

1. Is there like a collectively agreed all-around language that everyone should start with?
2. Is there a formal way to learn a coding language?
3. Even with such little experience, could I still build a solid career in the field?

I don't expect anyone to answer those last three if they don't want to, but I'd love to hear about any and all experiences with career pivots.

My son just graduated high school last week. I was immensity proud and the week leading up to it was super busy getting the house ready for visitors, celebration, etc.

This week had been the opposite, while my kid is visiting his college for orientation I can't help but have this "lost" feeling. Not depression or empty nesting but more of "Now I got to figure out what I want to do when I grow up" mindset.

Did you make any life changes? New hobbies? Did you experience something similar?

While maybe only hitting zero four or five times in the last ten years, I've subscribed to the "inbox zero" / getting things done (GTD) philosophy and have used my email as a to-do list. The people that I lead know to send me emails if they or I are meant to perform work born from the conversation that we've shared. Its been great in not missing anything -- its been horrible from a prioritization standpoint. A third to half of my email are bodiless emails to myself where the subject line would look like a to-do list entry to most others.

I'm curious how you approach your day and keep yourself organized if you're getting and giving work. Do you have a master to-do list that you work off of? Are you living in email all day? How do you keep track of prioritization and ensure that nothing slips between the cracks.