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21 votes
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Queer: A term from/of the Global South
11 votes -
AI-powered scams and what you can do about them
7 votes -
How do you feel about it/its pronouns?
Is it just another set of pronouns to you? Does it trigger you, or bother you in any way? Do you use it/its (or know someone who does), and if so how have people responded? I can see arguments for...
Is it just another set of pronouns to you? Does it trigger you, or bother you in any way? Do you use it/its (or know someone who does), and if so how have people responded?
I can see arguments for all sides of this, but haven't seen much discussion about it. So, what are your thoughts?
29 votes -
The food that makes you gay
27 votes -
'I was misidentified as shoplifter by facial recognition tech'
59 votes -
Detransition is gender liberation, too - Here's to never being satisfied and forever changing
34 votes -
Swedish parliament passed a law Wednesday lowering the age required for people to legally change their gender from 18 to 16
34 votes -
To make sure grandmas like his don't get conned, he scams the scammers
25 votes -
'I was born intersex and doctors tried to erase me. It's important to speak out' - an interview with Raven van Dorst of the Dutch rock-metal band Dool
40 votes -
German parliament votes to make it easier for transgender people to change their name and gender
39 votes -
Iowa hospital IT systems architect used a fake identity for thirty-five years
27 votes -
Colorism, code-switching, and shapeshifting: readings on biracial identity
7 votes -
Black LGBTQ+ youth need spaces that embrace them fully, researchers say
7 votes -
Join me on the path to Twilightenment
27 votes -
A professor claimed to be Native American. Did she know she wasn’t?
25 votes -
The body keeps the score, even when the memory has been completely erased
I'm not here to talk about the New York Times bestseller, so apologies to anyone who's come looking for an informed discussion on that. Apologies if I'm posting this in the incorrect place, please...
I'm not here to talk about the New York Times bestseller, so apologies to anyone who's come looking for an informed discussion on that. Apologies if I'm posting this in the incorrect place, please move or delete the post if it's inappropriate. I had something of a breakthrough in therapy recently and I don't have anyone to share this with (for reasons that may become obvious) so I'm turning to Tildes to vomit these thoughts out into the world somewhere.
Like a lot of us growing older, I've been spending a some time trying to better understand myself and come to peace with the person I am. One of the aspects people around me (and myself) find perplexing is how I'm able to be personable and friendly, even popular in some circles, but given the choice I will stay away from people as much as possible (except for a very select few I can count on one hand). I often joke that if it weren't for my wife and kids I'd probably be feral and live in the woods, bite anyone who tries to get too close. That lady that lived alone in a cave for over a year? Life goals. I thought I was just a mega introvert, but something my therapist and I discussed made me realise that that side of my personality may be (at least partly?) a manifestation of past trauma. So here is my villain origin story.
I've shared before on Tildes that I was very sick with cancer for a good chunk of my infancy. Whenever someone finds out I had cancer (it's left fairly visible marks, so the topic inevitably comes up) I always say it's ok, I don't remember it at all, so really it's my parents who lived through the trauma, not me, ha ha. I no longer believe that is entirely true. The body does keep the score after all. My therapist pointed out that I must have spent many moments alone dealing with the consequences, unable to fully share or understand what I was going through. Moments where I was physically manipulated whichever way, by people and instruments, dealing the nausea, the pain and the fatigue. I was too young to fully articulate my distress, ask for help (beyond crying) or seek solutions to the problems I faced. So for some moments at least I had only myself to rely on. Did the part of me that would normally seek out others die a little then?
My parents used to remark that as a child I never cried out, just tears streaming silently down my face. They speak of how I used to play contentedly alone for hours. How I rarely asked for help when I really needed it. Don't get me wrong, I'm able to form relationships with people, and I'm perfectly capable of functioning in society. I do seek out others for company, connection, validation, love, etc, and vice versa. But I can't shake the feeling that there's something broken in those connections. It feels like something is amiss, even if I've mostly come to terms with being this way. I'm left thinking - did the trauma (at least partly) make me who I am? Where does the trauma end and where do I begin? How many of us are potentially totally different people today because the body remembers when we have completely and utterly forgotten? And if that's the case, is that...ok?
48 votes -
In the Mexican city that once perfumed the world, a push to revive vanilla
11 votes -
Queen Margrethe II is the first Danish monarch to abdicate in 900 years – but it is just a sign of the times
17 votes -
The specter of nationalism – Identity politics has always influenced elections. In 2024, it will pose a serious threat to liberalism—and to democracy itself.
5 votes -
Meet the people working three jobs to afford Erewhon
11 votes -
Blood Music (1983)
7 votes -
Look at yourself objectively [the case of Dr. Ignaz Semmelweis]
5 votes -
Trans identity and the gender binary
Hi! I would like to take a moment to expand my understanding of an aspect of queer culture that I have some trouble with. I'd like to preface this by saying that, while I consider myself to be...
Hi! I would like to take a moment to expand my understanding of an aspect of queer culture that I have some trouble with. I'd like to preface this by saying that, while I consider myself to be queer in the broader sense, I also pass as a cishet male. That being said, I'm going to express myself honestly in the hopes that someone will be able to give me an honest to what might read as bigoted. Putting everything else in a detail box:
Questions on the 'validity' of trans identity
Basically - I understand gender to be social construct based on expected roles for biological males and females undertake in a traditional society. While there is some validity to the stereotypes on a biological level, I figure that most people should be able to understand that they exist in many places on the spectrum of masculine to feminine traits. People who are queer generally do not fit into these stereotypes and experience ostracization from those who cannot escape the mental paradigm of the gender binary.Is trans identity more than a product of societal gender roles? I don't understand where the root of the dysphoria could be other than not fitting into the stereotypes of your assigned gender. How could someone come to understand that their body feels "wrong" to them without learning that from something outside of their internal experience (i.e. perceiving gender roles and feeling like oneself is more aligned to the opposite pole than the one they're assigned to?) What is the benefit in choosing to identify as transgender (which reinforces gender roles through buying into them) versus choosing to eschew the gender binary entirely and identifying with / presenting as genderfluid or non-binary?
39 votes -
How to argue against identity politics without turning into a reactionary
68 votes -
How our female athletes feel forced to choose between a ‘strong’ or ‘feminine’ look
15 votes -
AP psychology effectively banned in Florida over lesson on sexual orientation, gender identity
64 votes -
The game of Set (and some variations)
14 votes -
Modern men: Navigating life, relationships, and self-identity
The idea of what it means to be a man has evolved significantly over the last century. We can build a fresh perspective on understanding masculinity beyond the stereotypical confines of strength,...
The idea of what it means to be a man has evolved significantly over the last century. We can build a fresh perspective on understanding masculinity beyond the stereotypical confines of strength, stoicism, and dominance. I appreciate Deimos trying out new groups and allowing topics to flourish. I could see this group having healthy discussions about the diverse experiences and expectations of men in today's society.
I envision topics on personal anecdotes, insights, and questions. I wanted to list out a few possibilities for future discussions that are top of mind.
- The changing roles and responsibilities of men in personal and professional life.
- The impact of societal norms and expectations on men's mental health.
- Embracing vulnerability and emotional openness.
- Men's role in promoting gender equality and mutual respect.
- The significance of self-care and well-being in men's life.
- How men can effectively communicate their emotions, needs, and concerns.
- Relationships, expectations, and stereotypes
While not comprehensive, it's a start of areas we may consider. What are your thoughts on what this group could be?
EDIT - Grammar and Summary 7/9/2023 @3 pm mountain
Hello, everyone. It's encouraging to see such in-depth and thoughtful conversations on ~life.men. I wanted to take a moment to recap the significant themes I read up to this point. This is high level, so please correct me if I got it wrong.
Our discussions around Stoicism have been quite enlightening, and we've recognized its potential to encourage self-control and inner resilience. Nevertheless, we've also acknowledged its potential misuse, which might inadvertently promote unhealthy aspects of masculinity. This is a subject that requires more nuanced exploration.
We've unanimously expressed the need for a supportive environment for men of all identities. This includes cis, gay, trans, and men of all other identifications. Despite potential challenges such as toxicity and inactivity, many believe this forum can serve as a respectful and positive space to engage in discussions about contemporary masculinity.
Conversations have emphasized challenging traditional gender norms and fostering inclusivity. There's been a strong consensus against defining masculinity by outdated stereotypes. We've expressed a shared commitment to creating an environment welcoming everyone, regardless of gender identity. We also acknowledge the role of diverse geographical and cultural backgrounds in shaping our understanding of gender, which we deeply value.
The topic of men's role in promoting gender equality has been prominent. We agree on the importance of men as allies in this movement. Tackling the rigid roles defined by patriarchal norms is crucial, as is having open and transparent conversations on these issues. Progress in gender equality benefits everyone - it's not a zero-sum game.
We've also delved into gender norms, roles, and the usage of gendered language. It's been encouraging to see such scrutiny of societal expectations and a strong emphasis on promoting universally beneficial values and inclusivity. There's a shared understanding of the complexity of gendered language and how it can both define personal identity and represent broader affiliations.
We've explored varied experiences in male-specific spaces. From the importance of representing all demographics to discussing the challenges of modern fatherhood, we've covered extensive territory. There's a shared commitment to guard against potential toxicity and ensure balance in all our discussions.
We have expressed the importance of focused discussions on men's experiences. Challenging assumptions about masculinity and addressing men's issues from multiple perspectives can impact our society.
I'm new to Tildes and not sure where to go from here. Given all the valuable insights and themes we've gathered, how can we adopt draft guidelines for our community? I suspect we can see how this develops organically, but I appreciate approaching things intentionally. Thanks for all the comments and discussions. It has me thinking much more broadly!
83 votes -
Money is the megaphone of identity
6 votes -
Eastern philosophy says there's no "self". Science agrees
23 votes -
Elliot Page: Embracing my trans identity saved me
30 votes -
Tildes and identity politics
As a new Tildes user, one of the biggest cultural differences I've noticed between Tildes and Reddit is the lack of identity-driven argumentative discussion. Instead, discussion is driven by...
As a new Tildes user, one of the biggest cultural differences I've noticed between Tildes and Reddit is the lack of identity-driven argumentative discussion. Instead, discussion is driven by interests, knowledge seeking, and personal expression.
Identity politics is an umbrella term
that encompasses identity groups both laudable and vitriolic. For example, it includes civil rights, gay rights, disability activism, fat acceptance, white supremacy, and nationalism. (wiki)It's my opinion that you can't have a rational, cooperative discussion until you set aside identity groups, and I like this aspect of the Tildes culture. I don't want to jinx it, but I believe the lack of identity politics is what people mean when they say they enjoy the high quality, non-divisive discourse here.
It's worth noting my subs of choice on Reddit were /r/samharris and /r/stupidpol. The former encouraged objective, rational discussion. The latter had lots of news that cut though the identity politics of the mainstream (though with a Marxist bent).
I would love to hear the thoughts of the older Tildes users before the most recent Reddit exodus (from where I come).
34 votes -
Greenlandic MP refused to speak Danish during a debate in the Danish parliament and instead spoke in her native Inuit language
6 votes -
In the oppression olympics, don’t go for the gold
13 votes -
Finland has passed a new, progressive rights law which makes it substantially easier for trans people to change their legal gender
9 votes -
UK government to block Scottish gender bill
8 votes -
Are Brazilians Latinos? What their identity struggle tells us about race in America
5 votes -
Battle for the nation's soul – Norway faces debate about gas and oil wealth
8 votes -
Designing APIs for humans: Object IDs
12 votes -
Far right's triumph in my country reveals a very Swedish brand of intolerance – political parties proved that our supposed liberalism is only skin deep
8 votes -
New recommendation to ban Muslim headscarves in Danish elementary schools has been met with a backlash in Denmark
5 votes -
People don't want to hear about it – how the pandemic shaped Sweden's politics and left many feeling hopeless and disenfranchised
5 votes -
New LGBTQ+ plan presented by the Danish government includes a proposal to expand access to legal gender change to all children regardless of age
4 votes -
Indigenous reindeer herders fear the drive towards a more sustainable economy is destroying their traditional way of life and identity in Sweden
11 votes -
Citizen future: Why we need a new story of self and society
4 votes -
I should be able to mute America
10 votes -
Meet the Polish LARPers who pretend to be American
15 votes -
United Nations committee finds Finland violated an international convention on racial discrimination when it comes to the political rights of Sámi
5 votes -
The incredible true story of Jody Harris, con artist extraordinaire. She posed as an air hostess, a psychologist, but most often as a cop. Then she fell in love with one.
4 votes