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How are you different than you were ten years ago?
Physically, mentally, spiritually, your beliefs, your habits, your outlook, etc.
The changes you highlight can be positive, negative, neutral, or mixed. They can be bigtime things or small little details.
How have you changed, developed, and/or grown?
Also, apologies in advance for potentially causing some aging-related crises in people, but a reminder that 10 years ago was 2015.
I use significantly less heroin.
First of all, you stole my answer.
Second, hell yeah dude.
Hell yeah to you too.
How much time you got? I'm coming up on 8 years now without dope and 4 years without subs.
I'd like to say nine years and four months. There were a few isolated bumps along the way, but no full-time backslide. If I count those bumps, it's somewhere in the neighborhood of eight years, nine months.
I'll have the occasional drink or small dose of THC, but for the most part I'm down to a handful of nicotine lozenges as my last remaining vice.
Yeah, I have a glass of wine on Christmas and a bowl hit on the annual camping trip without a problem. I guess you and I are lucky because a lot of the ex-junkies I know can't drink, gamble, etc. without falling completely off the wagon. Compared to opiates, everything else just feels like a dirty high to me, so other drugs don't really have that type of hold on me (in fact, I just don't care about them at all).
Anyway, congrats! Life is so much better without heroin. I look back and I cannot fucking believe how much has changed. I genuinely don't think anyone I've met in the last 5-or-so years would actually believe I was a drug addict. I'm a real suburban dad and middle school teacher now. So much easier than the life i was living before.
Hope you're doing well.
P.S. Nicotine is the devil's little brother. I also cannot get off it. Harder to quit than heroin because the consequences aren't as immediate.
Congratulations on battling back your substance use!
First of all, congratulations on any and all progress you have made. Hard drugs are nuts, and crawling back from abusing them is incredibly hard.
However, if you don't mind my curiosity. What does "less" mean in that context. I am not a user, but I always believed that there is no such thing as 'a little' heroin. I did not think that was a realistic tight rope to walk?
Please disregard this comment if you do not wish to talk about it, or if my views are too short sighted. Just genuinely curious...
Haha, no it's a good question. I use zero heroin, which is way less than I used to use.
I never met anyone who just uses a little. It's kind of an all-or-nothing type of drug.
That's excellent, congratulations! For a second though, I thought you might be setting up a Mitch Hedberg joke (YT).
I have gained a robust personal understanding of the harms of privilege and patriarchy. That was kind of the final nail in the coffin for my former centerist self (the birth of which began at college, killing the rightwing me), which was in intensive care courtesy of the banking system collapse.
10 years ago it was more of a theoretical understanding. Then I became a dad of a girl and I got thrust right into it. Noticing things I had just brushed away or not been the target of before. "Dad's babysitting today, eh?" being one of the most straightforward. But the treatment from moms. The gross comments from toxic masculinity in my life went from passively ignorable to active problems (especially as they became dads too). The ignorant comments of "girls things" and "boy things."
The TLDR from that is the realization that there will always be patriarchy under capitalism. It requires a heirarchal division of haves and have-nots, which will never allow for an elegatarian system which prioritizes wellbeing over profits. There can never be a meritocracy unless the playing field is leveled. And there can never be real democracy so long as any person has disproportionatly more money/power than any other.
Compared to 10 years ago, and as a +1 to your comment, I lost touch with a very old friends who, for many years, was my best friend. The guy has 2 kids now, but even as he was just having the first one about 3 years ago, I realized he was falling more and more into the side of social media that encourages toxic masculinity. He stated dropping references to escaping the matrix. Not being on social media, I didn’t connect the dots until a bit later, but it was fishy because I knew this guy was not into movies or any type of fiction. So he has kids now, but from what I can tell he works 6 days a week from the office, gym also 6-7 days a week. His wife earns peanuts compared to his high earning career choice, and he has a nanny too. To me it feels he married and had kids just to cross off “the right thing to do as a successful male”. I gradually lost touch with him. The occasional text comes maybe twice a year. For a while I was the one always reaching out, but I stopped after he basically insulted both my parents and his own mother saying that public service jobs were just bullshit.
I'm now the primary caregiver of a sick family member. She was sick ten years ago but it's a progressive disease so she's much more sick now. I was in college then and now I'm jobless and carless just taking things day by day. It's not a bad life but it can be hard and it's not where I thought I'd be right now. But that's okay, it's better than her going to a home where she'd only have thirty dollars left a month to live on. Plus we get along well so that's good. I'm looking into getting paid to be her caregiver so hopefully that will happen soon.
I hope your paperwork comes through soon, and I hope your area caregiving grants/etc are retroactive for a number for years. It's not easy by any means, but it's wonderful you get along well together
It can be tough having to care for an adult, but I'm glad you're making it work.
Thank you. And it can be but it's not too bad. It's mostly just cooking, cleaning, doing the housework and doing anything she needs like opening jars or taking her to the doctor that sort of thing. It's a 24/7 gig which can be tiring but it's not so bad. Thankfully she doesn't need help in the bathroom or with bathing, I don't know if I'd be strong enough for that.
2015 is when I went back to school for computer science and switched careers from nursing to software development.
But, even larger than that, I have a better relationship with drugs and alcohol. In 2015 I was still pre-gaming going out to the bar with friends so that they wouldn’t know how much I was really drinking. Now, I chase alcohol with water and food so that I don’t get drunk. I’m not all the way recovered, but the difference in my quality of life is staggering.
I cut down on drinking a large amount the past few years and my quality of sleep has drastically improved.
My quality of sleep, my ability to focus, my skin, my digestive health, my patience, so many things.
But like, thats still just the tip of the iceberg. The real core difference is the decision to make choices that benefit my body, instead of hurting myself.
I was, and still do sometimes, damage my body on purpose. For punishment? For escape? Don’t know. But I’m getting better, I’m making choices that are good for me more often these days.
overall, older and hopefully slightly wiser?
2014 was a rough year, I spent my milestone birthday at a hospice with my mom who couldn't even lift a spoon to feed herself. 2015 was a better year, I was able to visit Hong Kong with my young child, mom recovered from brain surgery enough to come with us and we saw a bit of Japan together. Hong Kong was still itself then, and I roamed the familiar streets thinking this would be just another one of many times I can show my child the city I love. As it turns out, we visited one more time very very early in 2019.
2015 was a big year in many ways: moved to (the utter outskirts of) my county's biggest city, became home owners, started homeschooling in earnest instead of just delaying preschool/kindergarten. Before the move I donated eggs to someone who went on to have a healthy child -- now I'm about the age when the recipient mother would have been. I have same aged friends who are having kids this year, but I also have a friend who became a grandparent lol.
Overall I feel more solidly middle aged :)
Some important relationships have also changed and as a result how we understand the world as well. When things go pear shaped, you really get to see who the people who say they love you or are friendly with you turn out to be. When we were the victims of threats, property damage and nuisance legal threats, that's when we found out the police doesn't even pretend to care. Apparently it's perfectly okay for a grown man to scream at our house for over a half hour and it's just a civil matter, and if they don't answer the door when police comes they just shrug and go home.
Oh the plus side, ten years ago i would never have expexted to be homesteading in a very gorgeous part of the world. I would be very surprised that we own geese and yet have not eaten most of them. I would be thrilled to know I have a thriving berry garden, and beyond my wildest dreams to live where we can forage berries, mushrooms and fish. Stardew Valley came out in 2016, and I could not have imagined I would go back to the software world, leave it, and farm. Quality of life has overall improved I dare say, even if mentally we are climbing out of a very deep ravine.
Living the Stardew Valley dream! Is your primary source of income coming from homesteading?
Oh heavens no. There's an old joke that goes like this. The lotto jackpot was won by an old farmer in a small rural community. The media rushed to interview the lucky winner of $20mil, and asked, what are you going to do with the windfall? The old farmer furrowed his brow, and asked, "oh my. $20 mil, you said?" "Yes sir! Congratulations!" The old farmer mentally calculated for a minute, scribbled something on the back of an old envelope, counted his fingers, and said, "well, then, I guess I can afford to farm for a few more years."
:D I'm also a big fan of Clarkson's Farm, a reality tv about Jeremy Clarkson's Diddly Squat Farm and its many money losing ventures.
I am in a fully remote, software adjacent job right now.
Which Stardew character is most like you? =P
Hmm, Orthogonal answer, my most disliked character is Haley: immature, rude, condescending, shallow, and only capable of being nice to a very inner circle. Now, do I dislike her the most because I'm very different, or is it because I can most recognize these undesirable qualities in myself? :3
Compared to ten years ago I am in a better place...
Physically...
Mentally...
Geographically...
Financially...
Maturity wise...
Ten years ago I was also at a small, semi-pleasant to work at, successful, and growing company that would, unbeknownst to me, soon be bought by private equity which then turned the place to shit and fired everyone, myself included, that did any actual work.
Today I received news that the small, best-job-I've-ever-had, amazing place to work, successful, and growing company that I currently work for is... [drumroll please] ...being bought by private equity and therefore going to turn into an absolute shithole and I need to look for another job immediately.
I feel your pain and I'm sorry for your loss... The place I was working at 10 years ago became completely impossible to bear when Elliott Management bought a stake and a board seat. Cue the layoffs, reorganizations, accounting and billing shenanigans, backstabbing and internecine battles for survival, Accenture consultants and H1B temp employees, and a massive stock buyback that created correspondingly massive corporate debt.
All of which failed to raise the share price and caused the sell-off of most of the company.
I wish you the best on your job search - it's a "jump before you're pushed" situation.
May I ask what employer this was (can DM if preferred). Elliott recently grabbed a chunk of my current workplace and I fear we'll end up in a similar place.
Round and round it goes. Less than 10 years ago I had gotten a job at a big tech company only to get laid off along with 100s of others in a major cut, about 6 months in.
Ten years ago I was in a pretty bad marriage, but I didn't really know it. Around this time 10 years ago is when it started getting worse. I was just sort of going through the motions and living my life directionless and in a haze, so I didn't really notice. I sort of thought that just feeling "Meh" all the time was normal. I didn't ever feel particularly sad, nor did I ever feel particularly happy. I suppose I was just sort of waiting around doing whatever until I got old and eventually died.
A pretty bad divorce shocked me out of my system since then, and since then I've changed jobs a few times, did a ton of traveling and dating, and am now about to get married to a woman who cares a lot more about me than my ex wife ever did.
Still, I worry that one day I'll settle back into that comfortable haze, so I try to stay vigilant and keep things fresh. New challenges, new hobbies, and hopefully at some point soon, new location. I'd like to make sure I milk my life dry of every experience I can before I go and make sure I don't leave anything on the table.
Waiting around doing whatever until we die sums up life on this fast moving space rock. I think we are each responsible to find meaning whether it’s in new experiences or a comfortable routine. I’m glad you changed your life and sorry about the bad divorce. A family member is going through one now and I honestly feel like it is robbing them of years of their life. I hope to see them bounce back and say something like your comment in the near future.
Ten years ago I was still in a state of shock, newly diagnosed with some serious medical issues.
I now know myself a lot better and I am more comfortable with who I am, both strengths and weaknesses.
Learning about health conditions can be freeing in some ways, because it can explain a lot, even if it can be really worrying.
Ten years ago I was in the process of applying for grad school in my mid twenties. I was living in the American Midwest with lots of great friends that I still talk to. In 2016, I moved to the Southwest and started up my Ph.D. journey.
I overall would joke around a lot more and be a lot more silly at that point in my life. I'm not sure if that change was due to me moving away from friends, if grad school affected me in some way, and/or if it's simply an aspect of me getting older. I'm recapturing some of that energy, but it's certainly not the same.
I was also a lot more optimistic about humanity back then too, but the pandemic and the overall attitude of the political regression in the time period forced a big shift in my perspective. I still feel that there is a lot of good in people, but I'm less optimistic that some people can change.
On a more positive note though, my scientific knowledge and reasoning has substantially increased. I was a psychology student that had a fairly simplistic understanding of biology and I've learned so much about neuroscience, entomology, biology, and more in the past ten years. Grad school was tough and it was stressful as heck but I learned so much about the world that made it worth it. Plus - I'm doing my dream job now that I was wanting to do ten years ago!
I feel the same way except even less optimistic than you. It's nice to know that others share these feelings. It really hurts to have your faith in humanity ripped away from you and once its gone, I don't think that it comes back.
Thank you for sharing some positivity. Very happy for you.
I wasn't going to respond to this, but I thought about it and realized that ten years ago this week I was wrapping up my amateur sport career, competing at a World Championships where I would (statistically) finish first for my position.
Conversely, this year I competed for my local team at National Championships (where the level is not remotely comparable) and where I was (statistically) ... umimpactful lol
This is what working in a brewery that sells pizza and not training 30h/week can do for you!
10 years ago, I was a fully dedicated Work Cultist, addicted to my job to a degree that would meet most criteria for workaholism. 60 - 80 hour weeks, sleeping with my phone for after-hours on call, constantly obsessing over my to-do list and failures in the small hours of the night.
I was the Stakhanovite star pupil of a gratuitously abusive employer in an industry (healthcare) that culturally encourages abuse of self in the name of service to others. I started at that company in the depths of the economy after the 2008 financial crisis, and was deathly afraid of losing the work that seemed to give my life meaning.
Spouse and I were in marriage counseling because I had no boundaries, wasn't taking vacations (or working during them), was always working or completely crashed out to recover. I had no relationships outside of work, and was simmeringly irritable with any interruptions of work. I'd work while ill, answer work phone calls during sex (if I had the energy for intimacy at all), and was constantly anxious or depressed.
It took massive burnout, moral injury from seeing just how corrupt a for-profit healthcare company can be, a major personal health crisis, and a couple of years of therapy to wake up from that nightmare. It's sickening to think I'd still be in that job (and likely divorced) but for a Bitcoin windfall.
So here I am 10 years later, living in a much better community, with a much happier spouse, actually enjoying time with friends and family, and taking care of my health. I have hobbies and pets and politics and fun exercise and volunteer work again! Instead of hiding in a narrow box of professional competence to avoid all the nasty feelings.
I'm still paying some costs for the personal neglect - I've got artificial joints and other damage from leaving RA untreated too long. I'm still fighting the tendency towards investing too much of my sense of self-worth in my job. But I'm getting better every day.
Biggest difference is that I have kids now. It’s such a wild departure from my wife and I’s 2015 life. I don’t think we really appreciated or utilized the freedom our pre-kid life gave us. Which I only say with some regret, because I wouldn’t trade the life I have now for anything. I just wish we’d also made more use of that freedom. But then again, 10 years ago I made half as much money and we both worked, so that was a hindrance on our freedom.
Spritually… I’m agnostic, so it feels weird to comment on this. But whatever. I was certainly searching for something…like the community of a church without the dogma or creed…and I just hadn’t stumbled upon it yet at that point. Whereas now I have my local Unitarian Universalist congregation, which has been really fulfilling in a pseudo-spiritual way. It’s just nice having like-minded, liberal-leaning folks in my life (outside the internet).
Mentally… In some ways I have a better grasp on my anxiety / depression, but I also have less of a grasp on my ADHD as I’m currently unmedicated for it. But overall, my mental health is better :)
Physically… I’m heavier than I was and I really need to figure it out before I get into my 40s and the health risks of that start compounding.
Outlook… depends on what. My career feels uncertain. Today’s my 3 year anniversary at this job and I don’t think a month has gone by where I didn’t have panicked evening of applying for jobs to get away from it. And it just hasn’t gotten me anywhere. But that’s roughly where I felt 10 years ago too? Which would be alarming if not for the fact that I’m a substantially better web developer than I was 10 years ago? But it’s also hard to gauge that sometimes when the tech moves as quickly as it does.
I'm definitely older and wiser. The Me of 10 years ago would be super impressed with what I've been able to achieve. I've basically achieved all the goals I had for myself at the time. Physically, I'm way heavier. Mentally, I do struggle more but I now properly understand my struggles. My habits are largely the same. I stay up late, wake up the latest I can for work (instead of school), and I still enjoy spending a lot of time in front of screens. However, the one thing that hasn't changed too much is the fact that I still hang out with a lot of the same friends I did back then.
In 2015 I was a smoker with no degree, no family, piles of debt, with an affinity for drugs. I didn't own anything except my car and my computer. I had dreams of doing better for myself, but no achievable path to actually doing something about it.
In those ten years, I got my associates and then bachelor's degrees with the help of my state and my employer. I quit smoking and using most drugs except weed. I lost all my friends but made many new ones. I own a home with my wife and we have three kids together. I recently got a job working in a public school, something I've been working towards for a while.
I feel like I've accomplished so much. I really did start from nothing (at 20 I was basically homeless) and I've built up a life for myself that I can be proud of.
Hey, just want to say that I'm proud of you. It's crazy how life can turn around. You see the slow changes when you're in it, but to see the big leap in 10 years put like that, it's an amazing change!
Have fun for the rest of your life :)!
You too, my friend. I hope something good happens to you today.
Ten years ago my life was worse in virtually every way. I was broke, depressed, underweight, and on the verge of homelessness. I had just ran away from my home to escape an abusive situation. Things have improved a lot since then but in a weird way, I had more hope back then. I guess when you're at the bottom, it feels like you can only go up and when you're at the top, it feels like you can only go down. Since I've seen the bottom, I know all to well how painful life can be. On the other hand, having experienced the "good" life, I find pleasure to be not nearly so pleasant as I expected.
My issue with hope is bigger than my individual situation though. I used to believe that most people were good. I thought that the world was destined to improve. I assumed that society would be more educated than ever and thus, we would grow and advance.
I don't believe any of this anymore.
I will say, despite all the shit things going on in the world, I have come to the opposite conclusion. There are numerous Trumpers which will vote for hate at the ballot box, but will also risk their lives to rush into a burning building to rescue a complete stranger. It is a paradox not easily reconciled by throwing people into buckets.
My conclusion is that people, on the whole, are good. The real problems stem from a combination of propaganda and perverse incentives put into place by the minority whom are not.
At the end of the day, even the best people, when faced with a trolley problem, will choose to save themselves and theirs over a stranger. It is not out of inherit evil, but as an act of self-preservation.
Remove the otherizing propaganda and the rest will, with time, sort itself out.
That said......the patience I have has run out, and we're very much at trolley problem time. Removing the propaganda in short order is not viable, and right now a figurative train is running us over.
Perhaps people are not bad, but easily persuaded into being bad then, eh?
I wouldn't say easily. Takes decades. Unfortunately, they start most of them young. With baptisms and television.
Otherwise deprogramming would be just as easy.
Persuaded to act against their (and everybody's ) self inter st when desperate and scared. That's my take, anyhow.
In case you need a mood lift, Rebecca Solnit's book A Paradise Built in Hell documents some ways people are predictably 'good' although it takes an emergency for that behavior to emerge.
I share your belief that the world is not destined to improve. C. S. Lewis, (quoting someone else whose name I don't remember) wrote that history proceeds like a drunk on a horse. The drunk person falls off on one side, swears they will never make that mistake again and proceeds to fall off on the other side. Then the cycle repeats.
I do however believe that the world and society can improve and that rights can be protected.
That someone else I believe is Martin Luther, that guy who really pissed off the Catholics and was a bit of an anti-semite (though back in the 1500's that's still pretty progressive lol).
Thanks. Martin Luther was a raging antisemite in his later years. He was a complex character with a huge impact on history and culture.
I feel like I aged a century in the past 10 years. Most of it in the last 2 years.
I have way less energy, both mental and physical. This is bad when I have to perform exhausting tasks. It also made me more judicious about my efforts. Some things and some people are simply not worth it. That is a very strong positive in my view.
10 years ago, I had no kids, had just bought my first house, was deep into a weed addiction, had a single hobby and very few other skills.
I mean, I was 5-6 years into my career at that point, but I wasn't really doing much with my life. I was (still am) married, but I'd mostly wake-up, head to work (smoke weed), work (smoke weed), head home (smoke weed) and then chill at home, smoke weed and play video games. It certainly doesn't sound like the worst thing, but it was a pretty unfulfilled life.
These days, I have two young children (7 & 5), I don't smoke weed (7 years now), no longer have my career (I became a stay at home Dad, coincidentally, about 7 years ago) and have many more skills and hobbies. I've pushed myself further than I thought I'd ever be able to, unshackled from just sitting around, being content with being bored (smoking weed), I've developed pretty strong automotive repair skills, miniature painting skills and just general competence in fixing things around the house. Oh and I've also reconnected with some friends, since I'm no longer isolating myself just to sit and smoke weed all the time.
I'll be restarting my career here soon (assuming anyone will hire me), since I managed to keep my kids alive long enough that they're both going to be in school full time this fall. I can see the end-point on an engine rebuild I've been doing on a project car for 5 years now and I'll be competing in yet another miniature wargames tournament this year (where I will lose, but it'll be fun anyway).
Compared to 10 years ago pretty damn good. I have quit drinking, I broke my addiction to video games, I exercise regularly, am in far better shape, I eat mostly plant based, no dairy, cut down on most bad things for the most part (chips, sweets, soft drinks, sugary drinks in general). I’m now trying to ditch coffee in favor of green tea. I read more, got off all social media, careful with my screen time. I’m more loving and dedicated to my partner, I fixed a lot of the issues in the relationships with some close family members. I just turned 40 last month so I am pretty happy and hoping my 40s will be much better than my 20s and 30s.
How're you feeling in terms of caffeine withdrawal? Or, is it more missing the coffee flavour/ritual in general?
I'm a regular coffee drinker and have cut it out entirely a number of times over the years. I've found a steady tapering over 2-3 weeks (green tea is my final switch before fully stopping!) to be a sweet spot to minimize feeling like a complete zombie.
The first week was rough. Zombie mode. I’m in the 4th week now and I’m feeling perfectly fine. Green tea is enough of a boost in the morning without making me jittery. I do have a bit of a lull after lunch, which I always did, but I feel it more now without coffee. It passes and it’s better if the lunch food is healthy.
I do miss coffee for its taste and smell - the ritual. But it’s not heartbreaking. I can deal with it. I’ve done this before over the years and circled back to coffee. We’ll see if I make it permanent this time or not.
Did you stop for good?
Excellent that you made it through the worst. Caffeine has a half-life of something like 5-6 hours, so the afternoon slump is probably just it clearing from your system. Decaffeinated teas can still have trace levels and might be a nice afternoon option without screwing up sleep?
I never intended to stop for good, so no, haha. I usually cut caffeine before 'adventures' where needing to find coffee (or tea) all day would be a burden: outdoor jobs in isolated locations, longish hiking trips, that sort of thing. But I do love the taste and the ritual, so always have found myself veering back to daily coffee/tea.
As long as I avoid it in the evening, no issue sleeping. At most I would have one cup in the morning and one after lunch. If I have anything later into the day, it would be some sort of herbal tea. The ritual is nice, be it coffee or tea. Right now I a trying some new loose leaf green teas form a local shop that imports from Japan. It's very nice, but too expensive. I know another shop that strikes a better balance between price and quality, so I'll pay them a visit soon.
Hmm ten years ago..
Relationships
I was a month into my first marriage.
We were happy though the future was ambiguous. In retrospect my lack of maturity is clear. I had/have a lot of baggage I was unaware of. In the present day I've been engaged for 8 months and we've found the venue for our wedding next year. There is a lot that I feel like I'm getting a "second shot" at.
Everything was "business as usual" with my family.
I was about to learn through my ex's family how different a supportive family is compared to my own. I think Trump had perhaps announced his candidacy. While I had shift left on a lot of stuff I hadn't been "radicalized" and was able to ignore my parent's politics. In present day, I talk to my mom and text most of my siblings. But I'm generally uninterested in being closer to my parents. being around them is never a good experience.
Politics/Society
I was generally left when it came to taxes and social spending and supportive of equality for gender and self identity. But I didn't necessarily see or understand the adversity faced by others. I uess I wasn't "mad" about it. I had a generally positive view of religion though I wasn't "practicing" (my wife at the time liked to attend a local Evangelical church and a Unitarian community occasionally.) Now I am generally suspsiscious of anyone who is vocally religious.
Career
I would be starting graduate school this month. Such an exciting time and so many friendships would be forming soon. I was excited for my career in academia. The next 6 years would be foundational in who I am. I knew it would be hard, but I didn't know how fundamentally remade I would be. There were seasons of life I will forever wish I could have held in stasis and live in permanently. I felt utterly free, the few time commitments I had were things I loved to do.
But things don't last forever. I also don't do well with stagnation or sitting in the same place. I'm quite proud of what I have built and the family my partner and I have and plan to grow. But there are costs I can't accept forever. I hope that someday I will can step away from my current work and return to teaching.
Hobbies
Video Games
I played some games, I got really into Mechwarrrior Online. A game I that I'm rusty but still much better than average.... I should play some more again. It was quite fun feeling like an MVP in most matches (12v12).
Fitness
A lot of cycling and mountain biking... I liked mountian biking but it scares me a bit now. I still cycle but not multiple times a day as I did at the time. I had not yet seriously touched a barbell. It wouldn't be until my eventual divorce that my sister would introduce me to the holy trinity of squat, bench, and deadlift. I supposed if I tested them at the time I would have been around 80kg squat, 60kg bench, 80kg deadlift. I was adverse to the idea of "gym culture" though and the idea of lifting was never entertained at all. Nine years later I would set my all time PRs in state competition, 230kg squat, 162.5kg bench, and 230 kg deadlift. I am yet again out of shape now and starting to feel it, I am on the edge of having the motivation to get in shape again a year out from my wedding.
Tabletop Games
I only had a basic knowledge of MTG or board games. In the next year I would start learning about board games and develop friends who had regular board game nights. I would also be introduced to competitive MTG. I'd eventually fall out of the hobby for several years and just picked it back up against in the last couple months.
In all.. I'm very happy with who I am around and what we have. There are aspects that I'd like to return to in due time. I feel the hunger I had diminishing and acceptance of the peace that a slower life brings. I'm excited for a wonderful wedding in a year and potentially a child sometime after that. I'm anxious of the challenges that will bring and what freedom i have now I will lose.
This is a timely question as I was actually thinking about this recently after chatting with my wife on a date night.
10 years ago (as of right now) was slightly before I met my wife for the first time.
I worked at a grocery store for a summer job while taking some additional classes in college. Hated the job and would thankfully soon be quitting as a few guys in my fraternity referred me to the university help desk where they worked which would kick start my career in IT.
I had attended a fraternity leadership summit and it helped me realize that no one else seemed to be taking action to set our chapter on the right path and if the course didn't change we'd lose our chapter house. Led me to get muxh more involved and learn a lot of lessons on leadership that carried forward in my life.
I drank heavily and smoked a lot of weed, causes me to gain a lot of weight and then need to work very hard to lose all of that weight before my wedding.
I didn't attend church regularly and would probably have labelled myself at that time as someone who labelled themselves Christian on a poll or survey.
I think if I could see myself now from back then I'd be surprised but happy with how my life ended up.
I kept working in IT and now work remotely for a company I was a fan of back in college.
I'm not we involved in my fraternity do to burning out and wanting to get my life on track, plus it's hard to do as much from the other side of the planet. I still help with some things and have been talking to guys about organizing s
meomething that I think will help with our chapter's alumni. I think this is the one thing my self 10 years ago would be shocked about but understand.I stopped drinking heavily when I was working on losing weight and didn't pick it up again and am now a light weight and prefer to not drink more than 2 beers in an evening or if I were to drink more it would be throughout the day while hanging out with friends and drinking a lot of water. I also quick smoking weed when we talked about when we wanted to kids which was awhile. I didn't want my smoking habit to have any impact on them even if it was miniscule. They wouldn't have a choice and I wanted to do right by them. Moving to a country where it's pretty illegal also makes it easier to not smoke, but I don't think I would back in the states if we lived there. I need to be mentally available if my family needs me.
I started attending church with my then girlfriend at the time and that helped change me drastically in what I prioritize and my outlook on life. Had some of my friendships sour because of it, but I'm happier than I was back then and am glad to be a Christian.
A lot changed for me in 10 years and I'm curious what the next 10 years have in store, though I think the changes won't be as drastic in the next decade beyond the changes that come from my kids getting older and probably having more of them.
Note: I bumped submit on this early so I'll add in some edits later since I'm starting my day
I keep thinking about this because I was expecting to think of myself as more different 10 years ago than I feel I actually am. 10 years ago I was in my early 20s, but married to the same woman I am today and working on software for a living. Life has advanced, but on basically the same trajectory. That feels weird though because 10 years feels like a long time to have not changed course. 10 years ago I don't know that I would've said I wanted children, but after getting a house and a dog it still fits right in on that trend line.
I suppose I was probably more conservative back then, maybe even libertarian leaning. Although that phase only lasted a small handful of years after exiting the household I grew up in that often kept Fox on the living room TV so I may have been out of that too by 10 years ago. Now I complain about the sorry state of the our public infrastructure (transit, education, healthcare, etc.) from the perspective that we should be cutting out the rent seeking middlemen and just providing the services to everyone, which past me may have disagreed with.
Ten years ago, I was in my late 20s, but remember not really feeling like an adult yet. It still felt like something I was half playing at, and thinking long term seemed impossible. It wasn't until I crossed 30 that I really started thinking about how I wanted to steer my life.
Ten years ago was a time of transition. I was wrapping up my masters, and did what ended up being my last season of outdoor summer work that had a strong role in shaping me at that time. My partner and I gave up our lease in the city I had been studying in. While I regained my energy post-studies, we used family as a homebase before moving to a different city the following year.
Now, we're still together but in yet a different city near family, in part to help support them during aging years. We have a house, and a cat. I've been employed in a fairly stable (knock on wood) 'desk job' for the past 5 or so years, and my partner is making huge steps toward their dream career. 20s me wouldn't have imagined such stability! (And would have been adamant about being a dog person.)
In reality, I still don't feel stable deep down; I still feel like the rug could pull out from under me at any moment. I do feel more confident in myself and have some different priorities and shifted perspectives, but I think I broadly feel like the same me.
2015 was a tumultuous year, to put it mildly. Within it I went from scraping by without a degree or job with no prospects to speak of to landing a software dev trial contract to panic-induced sponge mode trying to learn the ropes to becoming the primary dev on a project to the startup running out of runway and scrambling to find some place that’d hire me with nothing but a few months of experience on a very green resume.
Looking back now, there are some very stark contrasts. At that point I was in my mid-20s and generally clueless about anything not related to computers. School ended up not working out (partially due to circumstances beyond my control), so I had a pile of debt and no clear path forward. My lowest point had come 2-3 years prior, but I was still in the midst of depression (even if I didn’t know it) and wasn’t taking great care of myself. My diet was poor (largely affordable junk, and not enough of it) and I had been so stressed at times that I lost a good chunk of hair (which never came back).
Thanks to the support and nudging of a few people along with the skills I’d serindipitously cultivated in my teens and early 20s, I managed to climb out of that pit and it’s mostly been an upwards trajectory since then, with a few bumps along the way. I now have a house, a good job at a stable company, no “bad” debt (just a mortgage), healthy emergency savings, a growing 401k, clear goals to work toward for motivation, dramatically better physical and emotional health, and much better life and social skills. I have much better confidence in my work and feel a lot more like I belong, instead of feeling like the pizza delivery guy who’d been mistakenly given The Key to the City. Things aren’t perfect — I still have yet to address my extremely lacking experience in romance, for example, and I’d like to figure out how to better fit time for hobbies into my days — but all considered I can’t complain.
Ten years ago I was smack in the middle of my 7-to-5 "office" consulting job phase. All my youthful education and training were supposed to lead to that sort of career, so in a way everything was going "well" (more than well in fact - I was recruited straight out of college and made a minor partner after a year), but it was also stressful and unsustainable. I developed tendinitis and had to get treatment. Various other issues (mostly psychological) ensued in the next few years.
Currently most things about my life are "better". I had to give up on certain aspirations and it hurt. I make less money too, but I'm glad I managed to break free of the notion that there was only one sustainable way for me to live my life. I keep busy, enjoy the little things, and also learned to accept that it's OK - and unavoidable - that I was born with a certain amount of privilege, that it was always part of the entire fabric of my life, and that I might as well rely on it from time to time. Makes up for all the bigotry I guess.
I had no job, was deeply depressed and didn't really see a viable future. I also hadn't really discovered and gotten into kink in a big way yet. Thankfully all those things not now.
Physically - not perfect, but better. lost 56-58 lbs and have kept it off. need to lose more but i'm at a decent maintenance point. less migraines and overall a better sense of well being.
Mentally - personally quite a bit better, though <gestures at world> it's being challenged a lot now and being between jobs, by choice, for longer than i expected, is it's own level of stress, but it's not an immediate emergency or anything, and still have plans to tackle it, just... yeah
Spiritually - about the same (non-religious). 20 years ago would be a different story, basically a 180, but 10 years ago roughly the same as today
Politics/beliefs/etc outside of religion - a bit more defined and leftist/much further left politically. 10 years ago was already on this trajectory having been five years out of conservative religion (on which nearly all of my political positions were based), but there's ever-widening gap between myself and the pro-capitalist American center/right faux-left (99% of Democrats). I will head this off with- no I'm not really interested in a long conversation about this. Very much anti-AI (esp generative forms), which will affect other points, almost consider myself a neo-luddite in some way or another (their way of thinking was right, they weren't anti-tech but anti-how it was being used, etc). Lots of my tech views are now much more informed through a leftist eye towards degrowth/decomputing/efficiency/etc. (but not an individualist anarcho-primitivism that eschews community, which I find dangerous)
Habits and/or interests - much deeper into coffee (was already deep into loose leaf tea). I've always been into making music and doing other creative stuff- but I'm exploring that far more actively again these days, including types of creative work I've avoided for a long time (drawing, etc) just for fun. Still a techie. Curbed some social media usage. Still play video games but WAY less than I used to, still working out exactly how that will look going forward. Gotten more handy with repairing things.
Outlook - holding onto silliness and a sliver of hope and anger to stave off the doom-spiraling as much as possible. As far as job market, probably never going back into tech again unless I can't help but do so. Refuse to get any new job that requires AI use as part of the work. Will forever live low-budget, and just look for a job I think I can enjoy enough to get by, even if it's something super simple, like bagging up coffees at a roaster or something. I think I'm just done with tech. I might be okay with desktop support/repair kinds of things again or just a completely different field/trade. Hopefully maybe even something union. If not, hopefully a decent/inclusive/etc local business.
Sexuality/etc - much more comfortable in my own skin now. Realized I'm not entirely straight as once thought (and was raised to believe that was the only thing that was "okay"). Have shaken off the sexual repression I grew up with and am okay exploring my body and what I like and so on.
I'm grateful for this prompt today, I'd not been writing on Tildes.net or any online forums for a long time. Answering what's changed for me in the past ten years is convenient for re-introducing myself to this community.
Ten years ago I had been re-entering the Real World after living in the semi-monastic Rochester Zen Center for three plus years. And now I'm back, at RZC, and I just requested reinstatement to long-term staff. I don't know how long I intend to stay this time, but I recognize this is will be a healthier, happier place for me for the time being.
Ten years ago I had learned that my life wouldn't be defined by my depression, and that I was so much more capable than I'd feared. But though I had found equanimity and a meditation practice, in eight years I would suffer a nervous breakdown, relapse into severe depression, and lose all of my savings for retirement. I've had the experience of becoming a mentor and knowledge resource at my IT job. But American work culture is not especially supportive of people struggling with their mental health, though you could be forgiven for believing otherwise.
After losing my job with iboss I needed time, though the NYS Labor department needs you to find another job. In my experience, those without experience of depression fail to understand how difficult it is to respond promptly in a timely fashion to bureaucracy. Overwhelming grief is overwhelming. New York State expects you to profess to actively searching for work, once a week, to receive unemployment benefits.
The system would suggest that you request disability benefits when you cannot receive unemployment benefits, but to qualify for Federal SSD income you mustn't earn any money thoughout the process of applying and responding and appealing, though the process can take months and is not guaranteed. After losing my tech support job with iboss I did attempt to qualify for disability benefits, assuming a favorable exception must exist for individuals diagnosed with depression, but I was ultimately assured by multiple disability lawyers that is not the case.
Earthenware my heart
So many lines of fracture
So Carry Lightly!
I composed this haiku since returning to Zen training, since living with my birth parents, since coming to realize that both my parents demonstrate narcissistic behavior and cannot love their son as their son needed love.
Though I'd been struggling for many years I hadn't made the connection between my debilitating depressive episodes and their behavior until I needed somewhere to live again. The philosophy of scientific inquiry teaches that the value of any new hypothesis comes from how well and how much experience it explains. With depression I could explain my sudden withdrawals from interaction with others, but depression has many known causes. With complex trauma originating from a narcissistic family life I can also explain the particular forms of social anxiety, of fearing people especially authority figures and compulsively needing approval.
Since returning to Zen training I've been able to go no-contact with my parents and to attend ACA meetings, in addition to the requirements of daily meditation and work practice. My daily life with Mary and Roy had become unmanageable, but three months later I've begun to realize my capacity for equanimity again. Though I'm not now earning as much money as I was ten years ago I am confident that through regular improvement that I will surely realize all the benefits of clarity and consistent effort.
You're investing for your future. Keep at it, it will pay off. You're doing good!
This took me a while, because I couldn't remember what I was doing 10 years ago. Life has been a blur.
I think 10 years ago, I was the main caregiver of a sick and dying parent. I was angry, confused, panicked and so many things.
But while experiencing all that, I was doing a lot of random work and trying to figure out what I liked and spent a lot of time networking and being in the scene and building a career.
The stress was so high. I often didn't see myself living beyond my parent's death. Like the only thing keeping me alive was obligation.
At least I think that was 10 years ago.
But since then I've experienced and learned a lot more about myself. I had a good life with a decent career. Went to therapy and also went to see a psychiatrist and got meds.
And then I got sick myself and that was hard. But I've learned a lot more about myself since then. Got multiple diagnoses and understand whats going with my body and brain.
I'm trying to rebuild life. But it's hard.
One day at a time :)
I think the biggest difference in now me vs 10-years-ago me is the level of terminal online-ness. 10 years ago I was on reddit a lot; I moderated some big subreddits, and I engaged with them a lot. I frequently wrote comments shooting from the hip; I would think as I typed and I type fast and think slow, so more often than not they were pretty worthless comments.
Now I tend to reflect for longer periods and more often than not when I start thinking about a comment I delete it and just don't leave it. For example, this very comment is one I started on a few times and just let go.
I am not going to say that social media has lost its grip on me, but I think it has at least somewhat loosened; I don't look for the notifications to see if someone has appreciated my witticisms, and I often don't even visit whichever social sites I'm using for days or weeks at a time.