Preface:

• Beware: long, scattered post incoming.
• I'm not having suicidal thoughts. No matter what happens, life is still worth living.

I'm spiraling right now. I'm so confused and lost that I need to just put this out there, somewhere, anywhere. Here goes:

I've been happily married for coming up on 8 years next week. Our relationship has always been strong, we've always considered each other best friends, and I've always felt that our love was built on a rock-solid foundation.

Lately, my wife has been acting very distant. Enough so that it started ringing some alarm bells in my head. I took a personal inventory of several of the "disconnected" events and sat down with her last week to ask if we were okay. Her response was indifference. After a bit of a pause, I asked her if she still loved me, to which she responded "I don't know." Of course a lot more was said, but the summary is that I was completely floored and she was emotionless and indifferent.

I asked one thing: that we would set up marriage counseling sessions. She agreed. Our initial individual sessions start next week.

Since then, I've spent every single moment trying to examine myself and my flaws, where I've damaged our relationship in the past, and what I can do in the future to be a better person for her.

On Monday, I actually had some massive discoveries about myself, and blindspots in my emotional maturity. I discovered one little thing, which led to two or three more. By the end of this very exciting and motivating self-reflection session, I was PUMPED UP! For once in years, I felt like I've discovered this whole new region of growth in my brain.

I also had a session with my therapist that same day, in which I shared the recent events and my bout of epiphanies. She mentioned that "sometimes it takes a major life event to get people out of a rut and start a growth journey." I left the session feeling really good, really motivated, like there is a whole new and great future ahead of me and us.

I also came to a realizations about how I've hurt her in the past. The long and the short of it is that I'm terrible about empathizing and listening to feelings, and my insecurities put me into a defensive mode rather than a supportive, listening, partner mode.

A week later, and I'm still buzzing, reflecting, discovering more emotional epiphanies, and REALLY looking forward to marriage counseling. However, I've also forced myself to keep all of this to myself and just start showing that I am growing by taking actions. It hasn't been the time to share any of this with her, especially because I've said a lot of words in the past about changing that never seemed to materialize. I knew that the right time would come.

And then, last night happened.

"I had a session with my therapist today. I've made the decision that we need to divorce."

Commence spiraling.

The first thing I said was: "Please, I'm begging you, go through the marriage counseling sessions with me."

She said "I will go to marriage counseling, but I'm only doing this for you."

I then decided to share with her all of the personal discoveries I've made and the growth journey I'm embarking on, how I've realized that I hurt her in the past when she needed me most, and how I'm committed to growing and working on myself and our relationship because I love her and I made that vow to her when we married. I told her that I realized finally what this heavy feeling in my heart is: it is the physical manifestation of love, and I know that because it hurts so much, and if it wouldn't hurt if there wasn't love.

She said she went through a similar process of pain and grieving last year (there's some really deep and heavy stuff that went down, in short, she discovered that her father was not her biological father; she started the journey of meeting her new family and my response at the time came from insecurity and jealousy). She said that she was done processing those emotions and that she has moved on and is focusing on herself and our 3 year old son.

She said that she loves me and cares about me, she even held me and hugged me. But that made it hurt even more. I feel like I am being led on.

I went for a walk to clear my head, and when I got home, she asked if I was okay, and I said "No. But I'm treating this as a challenge. Your love has always come easy and I've never had to fight for it. For the first time, I am going to actually fight to earn your love."

I didn't sleep last night. I decided to go into the office this morning to knock some stuff out early so I could take a personal day. On the way out the door, I asked her to promise something to me: I said "when we go to marriage counseling, please don't do it for me. Please do it for us. We've gone through so much together, we made vows to each other when we married that we would stick together through the good and the bad. Please, let's just give it one last ditch effort." She said "Okay."

This morning, some questions have started popping into my head, uninvited: "how will custody of our 3 year old work?" "Will I be removed from his life?" "Who's going to get the house?" -- and I'm really trying to remove those thoughts from my mind right now because I don't want to even entertain the possibility at this point. These are questions I never in a million years I thought I would be asking myself.

Now I'm at a coffee shop, typing this message. I have an emergency appointment with my therapist in a few hours, although I'm not sure what that will solve at this point.

I am questioning the very core, foundational things I thought I knew about myself. I am confused and lost and heartbroken.

I'm also not really sure why I'm sharing this message with you all. Perhaps because it is therapeutic to type all of this out, and perhaps I trust this community.

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like popes, bethesda and minimalism.digital. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was befuddled.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

I like crying to sappy bingeworthy tv dramas.

I've just finished Parenthood, and before that I binged a lot of hospital ones like The good doctor, New Amsterdam, etc.

The setting isn't really important, except I can't stand law enforcement settings.

Spoken language doesn't matter as long as I can find it with subtitles.

The important thing seems to be stories that are reasonably realistic where people live their lifes and care about each other.

What do you recommend?

Edit: below is a list of recommendations, mostly for me to have an easy spot to find them

• Bunheads
• Friday night lights
• March Comes In Like a Lion
• This is us
• Shitt's creek
• The crown
• Brothers and sisters
• Scrubs
• Midnight Diner
• The good place
• Virgin river
• Gilmore girls
• Dawson's creek

I would love to self-host a Tildes instance with my domain to create a community in my native language speakers. I saw, from old posts, that it is not an easy process at all. But I really love the concept and the style of Tildes. It is better than Reddit and other Fediverse platforms.
Is there anyone who managed to host Tildes instance?

I would be so glad to have some guidance.

The Issue

I'm streaming games from a desktop PC hardwired into my router (running Sunshine) to a laptop wirelessly (using Moonlight). It works beautifully.

Except, every five minutes, the stream chugs: my framerate drops precipitously, and Moonlight gives me a warning telling me I should lower my bitrate. This happens for only a few seconds, before it resolves and goes back to normal.

I timed the interval between the chugs several times and got approximately 5:07 between each slowdown. It is remarkably consistent.

Because it's so consistent, I assume there's some scheduled task or something running every five minutes that's causing it to chug. Dropping the bitrate makes the chugging less noticeable, but it still happens.

Ruling Things Out

I think it's safe to rule out the idea that it's my router or the host PC.

I have a smaller 13" laptop that I used to stream to, and I just recently bought a 17" to replace it. The five-minute issue only happens on the 17", even with identical stream settings (same resolution, FPS, and bitrate).

The computers are obviously different hardware, but they're also running two different linux distros.

The 13" Laptop is running MX Linux 23.5 (KDE). This is the one that works.

System:
  Kernel: 6.1.0-32-amd64 arch: x86_64 bits: 64 compiler: gcc v: 12.2.0
    Desktop: KDE Plasma v: 5.27.5 Distro: MX-23.5_KDE_x64 Libretto September 15
    2024 base: Debian GNU/Linux 12 (bookworm)
Machine:
  Type: Laptop System: Dell product: Latitude 7370 v: N/A
    serial: <superuser required>
  Mobo: Dell model: 0XFY7T v: A00 serial: <superuser required> UEFI: Dell
    v: 1.28.3 date: 02/07/2022
Battery:
  ID-1: BAT0 charge: 12.6 Wh (62.1%) condition: 20.3/34.0 Wh (59.6%)
    volts: 8.1 min: 7.6 model: SMP DELL WY7CG58 status: charging
CPU:
  Info: dual core model: Intel Core m5-6Y57 bits: 64 type: MT MCP
    arch: Skylake rev: 3 cache: L1: 128 KiB L2: 512 KiB L3: 4 MiB
  Speed (MHz): avg: 2496 high: 2758 min/max: 400/2800 cores: 1: 2400 2: 2758
    3: 2400 4: 2429 bogomips: 11999
  Flags: avx avx2 ht lm nx pae sse sse2 sse3 sse4_1 sse4_2 ssse3 vmx
Graphics:
  Device-1: Intel HD Graphics 515 vendor: Dell driver: i915 v: kernel
    arch: Gen-9 bus-ID: 00:02.0
  Device-2: Realtek Integrated_Webcam_HD type: USB driver: uvcvideo
    bus-ID: 1-9:5
  Display: x11 server: X.Org v: 1.21.1.7 with: Xwayland v: 22.1.9 driver: X:
    loaded: modesetting unloaded: fbdev,vesa dri: iris gpu: i915
    resolution: 1920x1080~60Hz
  API: OpenGL v: 4.6 Mesa 24.2.8-1mx23ahs renderer: Mesa Intel HD Graphics
    515 (SKL GT2) direct-render: Yes
Audio:
  Device-1: Intel Sunrise Point-LP HD Audio vendor: Dell driver: snd_hda_intel
    v: kernel bus-ID: 00:1f.3
  API: ALSA v: k6.1.0-32-amd64 status: kernel-api
  Server-1: PipeWire v: 1.0.0 status: active
Network:
  Device-1: Intel Wireless 8260 driver: iwlwifi v: kernel bus-ID: 6c:00.0
  IF: wlan0 state: up mac: <filter>
Bluetooth:
  Device-1: Intel Bluetooth wireless interface type: USB driver: btusb v: 0.8
    bus-ID: 1-2:2
  Report: hciconfig ID: hci0 rfk-id: 1 state: up address: <filter> bt-v: 2.1
    lmp-v: 4.2
RAID:
  Hardware-1: Intel 82801 Mobile SATA Controller [RAID mode] driver: ahci
    v: 3.0 bus-ID: 00:17.0
Drives:
  Local Storage: total: 238.47 GiB used: 31.99 GiB (13.4%)
  ID-1: /dev/sda vendor: Toshiba model: KSG60ZMV256G M.2 2280 256GB
    size: 238.47 GiB
Partition:
  ID-1: / size: 232.43 GiB used: 31.47 GiB (13.5%) fs: ext4 dev: /dev/dm-0
    mapped: luks-a8eaaa90-b4ba-4943-8c1d-ddace5892f40
  ID-2: /boot size: 973.4 MiB used: 524.1 MiB (53.8%) fs: ext4
    dev: /dev/sda2
  ID-3: /boot/efi size: 252 MiB used: 274 KiB (0.1%) fs: vfat dev: /dev/sda1
Swap:
  ID-1: swap-1 type: file size: 3 GiB used: 3.8 MiB (0.1%) file: /swap/swap
Sensors:
  System Temperatures: cpu: 80.0 C pch: 68.0 C mobo: 48.0 C
  Fan Speeds (RPM): N/A
Info:
  Processes: 251 Uptime: 33m Memory: 7.65 GiB used: 3.56 GiB (46.6%)
  Init: SysVinit runlevel: 5 Compilers: gcc: 12.2.0 Packages: 2789 Shell: Bash
  v: 5.2.15 inxi: 3.3.26

17 *    * * *   root    cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.hourly
25 6    * * *   root    test -x /usr/sbin/anacron || { cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.daily; }
47 6    * * 7   root    test -x /usr/sbin/anacron || { cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.weekly; }
52 6    1 * *   root    test -x /usr/sbin/anacron || { cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.monthly; }

The 17" Laptop is running Linux Mint 22.1 (Cinnamon). This is the one that has the five minute chugs.

System:
  Kernel: 6.8.0-58-generic arch: x86_64 bits: 64 compiler: gcc v: 13.3.0
  Desktop: Cinnamon v: 6.4.8 Distro: Linux Mint 22.1 Xia
    base: Ubuntu 24.04 noble
Machine:
  Type: Laptop System: Dell product: Inspiron 7773 v: N/A
    serial: <superuser required>
  Mobo: Dell model: 0R58C3 v: A00 serial: <superuser required> UEFI: Dell
    v: 1.19.0 date: 12/15/2021
Battery:
  ID-1: BAT0 charge: 34.9 Wh (97.5%) condition: 35.8/56.0 Wh (63.9%)
    volts: 16.0 min: 15.2 model: Samsung SDI DELL W7NKD7B status: discharging
CPU:
  Info: quad core model: Intel Core i7-8550U bits: 64 type: MT MCP
    arch: Coffee Lake rev: A cache: L1: 256 KiB L2: 1024 KiB L3: 8 MiB
  Speed (MHz): avg: 658 high: 867 min/max: 400/4000 cores: 1: 400 2: 800
    3: 400 4: 400 5: 800 6: 800 7: 867 8: 800 bogomips: 31999
  Flags: avx avx2 ht lm nx pae sse sse2 sse3 sse4_1 sse4_2 ssse3 vmx
Graphics:
  Device-1: Intel UHD Graphics 620 vendor: Dell driver: i915 v: kernel
    arch: Gen-9.5 bus-ID: 00:02.0
  Device-2: NVIDIA GP108M [GeForce MX150] vendor: Dell driver: nvidia
    v: 550.120 arch: Maxwell bus-ID: 01:00.0
  Device-3: Realtek Integrated_Webcam_HD driver: uvcvideo type: USB
    bus-ID: 1-5:2
  Display: x11 server: X.Org v: 21.1.11 with: Xwayland v: 23.2.6 driver: X:
    loaded: modesetting,nvidia unloaded: fbdev,nouveau,vesa dri: iris gpu: i915
    resolution: 1920x1080~60Hz
  API: EGL v: 1.5 drivers: iris,nvidia,swrast platforms:
    active: gbm,x11,surfaceless,device inactive: wayland,device-2
  API: OpenGL v: 4.6.0 compat-v: 4.5 vendor: intel mesa
    v: 24.2.8-1ubuntu1~24.04.1 glx-v: 1.4 direct-render: yes renderer: Mesa
    Intel UHD Graphics 620 (KBL GT2)
Audio:
  Device-1: Intel Sunrise Point-LP HD Audio vendor: Dell driver: snd_hda_intel
    v: kernel bus-ID: 00:1f.3
  API: ALSA v: k6.8.0-58-generic status: kernel-api
  Server-1: PipeWire v: 1.0.5 status: active
Network:
  Device-1: Intel Wireless 3165 driver: iwlwifi v: kernel bus-ID: 02:00.0
  IF: wlp2s0 state: up mac: <filter>
Bluetooth:
  Device-1: Intel Bluetooth wireless interface driver: btusb v: 0.8 type: USB
    bus-ID: 1-7:3
  Report: hciconfig ID: hci0 rfk-id: 4 state: up address: <filter> bt-v: 4.2
    lmp-v: 8
Drives:
  Local Storage: total: 238.47 GiB used: 36.5 GiB (15.3%)
  ID-1: /dev/nvme0n1 vendor: Samsung model: MZVLB256HBHQ-000H1
    size: 238.47 GiB temp: 25.9 C
Partition:
  ID-1: / size: 229.63 GiB used: 36.21 GiB (15.8%) fs: ext4 dev: /dev/dm-1
    mapped: vgmint-root
  ID-2: /boot size: 1.61 GiB used: 291.7 MiB (17.7%) fs: ext4
    dev: /dev/nvme0n1p2
  ID-3: /boot/efi size: 511 MiB used: 6.1 MiB (1.2%) fs: vfat
    dev: /dev/nvme0n1p1
Swap:
  ID-1: swap-1 type: partition size: 1.91 GiB used: 0 KiB (0.0%)
    dev: /dev/dm-2 mapped: vgmint-swap_1
Sensors:
  System Temperatures: cpu: 30.0 C pch: 32.5 C mobo: N/A
  Fan Speeds (rpm): N/A
Info:
  Memory: total: 16 GiB available: 15.36 GiB used: 1.82 GiB (11.9%)
  Processes: 338 Uptime: 2h 38m Init: systemd target: graphical (5)
  Packages: 1996 Compilers: gcc: 13.3.0 Shell: Bash v: 5.2.21 inxi: 3.3.34

17 *	* * *	root	cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.hourly
25 6	* * *	root	test -x /usr/sbin/anacron || { cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.daily; }
47 6	* * 7	root	test -x /usr/sbin/anacron || { cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.weekly; }
52 6	1 * *	root	test -x /usr/sbin/anacron || { cd / && run-parts --report /etc/cron.monthly; }

Help Request

Anyone have any ideas for tracking down what might be causing this? I was going to just wipe the machine and replace Linux Mint with MX Linux to rule that out, but I figured I'd ask here before doing that, especially because it could be the hardware and not the distro that's causing the issue.

Add awesome game deals to this topic as they come up over the course of the week!

Alternately, ask about a given game deal if you want the community’s opinions: e.g. “What games from this bundle are most worth my attention?”

Rules:

• No grey market sales
• No affiliate links

If posting a sale, it is strongly encouraged that you share why you think the available game/games are worthwhile.

All previous Save Point topics

If you don’t want to see threads in this series, add save point to your personal tag filters.

To be honest I have some problems explaining what I mean, which might be why I can't find a solution or explanaition for it.

I use firefox on Linux and out of habit i highlight text while reading it. I always did that and it helps me to read a lot faster and to relax my eyes while reading. It's something i don't think i can get rid of, even if I tried, it's just so deeply burned in.
As well I use to scroll the text I'm reading to the top out of the same reasons or maybe it's just habit as well, but I realised I cannot get rid of it as well :-)

So no to my problem:
Usually this works flawless, i can highlight text and have the cursor where I'm reading in the topmost visible line. But for some strange reason this does not work in the "new" wikipedia layout. where if I highlight text in the upper third of the page it scrolls upwards quite fast which just fucks up everything and makes my day bad. (this behaviour is not present in the old design which e.g. the germand wikipedia still uses)

Is it me?
Is it my browser?
Is there a way to get rid of this, so I can keep my workflow while reading and learing on wikipedia? Is somebody else observing this behaviour?
Where can I even start to look for a solution? I don't even know what to look for.

It truly bothers me, as I'm close to every day on it, and it might be my favorite website.
I heard there is a way to switch to the old wikipedia layout, which might be a workaround. But I actually like the new Layout a lot, so if there is a way to avoid that it would be great :-)

This topic is part of a series. It is meant to be a place for users to discuss creative projects they have been working on.

Projects can be personal, professional, physical, digital, or even just ideas.

If you have any creative projects that you have been working on or want to eventually work on, this is a place for discussing those.

Find yourself watching tons of great videos on [insert chosen video sharing platform], but also find yourself reluctant to flood the Tildes front page with them? Then this thread is for you.

It could be one quirky video that you feel deserves some eyeballs on it, or perhaps you've got a curated list of videos that you'd love to talk us through...

Share some of the best video content you've watched this past week/fortnight with us!