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6 votes
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LeMessurier Stands Tall - A Case Study in Professional Ethics
4 votes -
Has UML died without anyone noticing?
9 votes -
NASA is recruiting for yearlong simulated Mars mission
11 votes -
Could you avoid being hit by a laser if you were in a room of mirrors?
2 votes -
JPL's plan for the next Mars helicopter: After Ingenuity's success, they want to go much, much bigger
6 votes -
Lionel Messi not staying at FC Barcelona
12 votes -
How Tesla vehicles are tested
5 votes -
How tech loses out over at companies, countries and continents
8 votes -
Sony’s deal for anime platform Crunchyroll faces uncertainty from US DOJ
8 votes -
Apple keeps shutting down employee-run surveys on pay equity - and labor lawyers say it's illegal
24 votes -
The Malê Rebellion in Bahia: Brazil’s African Muslim uprising
3 votes -
Batman main writer steps away from DC to start indie comic line at Substack
5 votes -
Physicists face stagnation if they continue to treat the philosophy of science as a joke
10 votes -
The promise of open-source intelligence
4 votes -
Anti-vaccine protesters storm BBC HQ – years after it moved out
14 votes -
Xbox and Xbox Game Pass are coming to more screens
7 votes -
TV Tuesdays Free Talk
Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here. Please just try to provide fair warning of...
Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.
Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.
5 votes -
Fitness Weekly Discussion
What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...
What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?
8 votes -
What did you do this weekend?
As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at...
As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their weekend. Did you make any plans? Take a trip? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!
7 votes -
Substack just made a major new hire as it goes after comic-book writers and expands its fiction efforts
4 votes -
Xsolla fires 150 employees based on big data analysis of their activity
14 votes -
Adoption isn't happily ever after
This will probably make some people uncomfortable and even angry, but it needs to be said. Adoption isn't happily ever after. The media loves to portray it that way, especially for foster kids....
This will probably make some people uncomfortable and even angry, but it needs to be said.
Adoption isn't happily ever after.
The media loves to portray it that way, especially for foster kids. Everyone loves the fairly tale story about the poor abused kids that get rescued by the selfless hero foster parents who then adopt them and everything is all good after that. I mean, the kids now have loving parents and a stable home. That's all they need right?
People love a happy ending. But fairy tales aren’t real and life isn’t that simple. Adoption is messy, and I don't mean the legal process, I mean the actual adoption itself. Adoptive parents aren't selfless heroes, they are regular flawed people just like everyone else, they just happened to choose to adopt.
These kids have been through bad things that are beyond the imagination of most people who don't have experience with the kids themselves. I hear it all the time. People say "They just need a good loving home". Loving and stable homes are great, but they don't make those bad things go away. Even if the adoptive parents were perfect (which they definitely aren't) these kids will be dealing with their trauma for the rest of their lives.
And for these kids trauma isn't simple like so many people assume it is. It isn't just bad dreams and sadness. It's rage. It’s frequent meltdowns over the smallest things. Sometimes it’s hurting pets, or even other kids. Sometimes it's trying to burn the house down. Other times it’s stealing from kids at school. Sometimes it’s grade schoolers finding ways to look at porn. Sometimes it’s trying to molest other kids. This doesn’t describe all kids from foster care. It’s not meant to scare you. It’s meant to show you that there’s more than what you see on the outside.
For these kids meltdowns have a completely different meaning than for most other kids. A meltdown isn't crying and getting angry for 10 or 15 minutes. It can be hours. Hours of true screaming. Hours of punching doors and walls. Or punching us. Or hurting themselves. Total non-compliance. It's a total inability for them to calm down at all. Sometimes we have to physically restrain them for safety reasons. Usually, they have to physically exhaust themselves before they finally begin to come down.
And it's not their fault.
And we parents aren't perfect either. Sometimes we scream back at them. Sometimes we escalate the meltdown even more. Sometimes we restrain when it's not necessary. Sometimes we just layer on consequence after consequence, not because it's helping, but because we are mad and caught in a power struggle.
We take them to doctor appointments. We adjust meds. We get to counseling every week. We literally pull them out of public school because they can't function there. We are usually exhausted. We are often hopeless. We fear they will never have a normal childhood. We fear that they won't have a good life as adults.
We can never replace their birth parents. They will always miss them, no matter how bad the abuse was. They will mourn what could have been. They will mourn what should have been.
They point that hurt and anger at their adoptive parents. They say they hate us. They say they will kill us.
We aren't a fairy tale family. We aren't some success story about the power of love.
We were the safest option in a bad situation.
We will always love them as our kids. We will always strive to be there for them, to support them, to give them what they need to have whatever healing is possible.
For them though this will never be as good as having birth parents that were safe and loving in the first place. This will never compare with what should have been.
34 votes -
What have you been eating, drinking, and cooking?
What food and drinks have you been enjoying (or not enjoying) recently? Have you cooked or created anything interesting? Tell us about it!
5 votes -
JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Stone Ocean has a new trailer and will arrive in December on Netflix
7 votes -
Marcus Ericsson pulls stunner to win a wild IndyCar Music City GP debut in Nashville – with airborne cars, massive traffic jams and controversial penalties
6 votes -
2020 IPCC Assessment Report on Climate Change
20 votes -
NASA has developed an interactive map so you can see exactly where the NASA Perseverance rover has been
8 votes -
Modern analysis of a 1,000-year-old grave in Finland challenges long-held beliefs about gender roles in ancient societies
11 votes -
Dating in Delhi when you're poor
15 votes -
How to make friends over the internet
5 votes -
Europe – The Final Countdown (1986)
9 votes -
Weekly coronavirus-related chat, questions, and minor updates - week of August 2
This thread is posted weekly, and is intended as a place for more-casual discussion of the coronavirus and questions/updates that may not warrant their own dedicated topics. Tell us about what the...
This thread is posted weekly, and is intended as a place for more-casual discussion of the coronavirus and questions/updates that may not warrant their own dedicated topics. Tell us about what the situation is like where you live!
12 votes -
Do you have any advice for me to overcome perfectionism as a writer?
I'm asking specifically about writing fiction. I need to write a lot in a short time. I'm a perfectionist -- a therapist once called me obsessive. Sometimes I spend hours on just a few paragraphs....
I'm asking specifically about writing fiction.
I need to write a lot in a short time. I'm a perfectionist -- a therapist once called me obsessive. Sometimes I spend hours on just a few paragraphs. I eventually make good paragraphs but that is not very productive. Deadlines fly by, I become anxious and stressed. I wish to write more, even if it's not as good. Better to have something to edit and correct than nothing at all.
I reckon that a book is not made of 100% perfect phrases. At some point you gotta lift the house, even it is not as pretty as you want. I want to experiment with writing more freely, finding ways to overcome my self-criticism and impostor syndrome. I see people writing 3000 words a day... maybe I don't need to write that much, but I envy them. I often don't write more than 500 words per day. This is just not working for me as a professional writer.
Maybe I could try something like stream of consciousness. But I don't know. Looking for advice. Not necessarily on literary techniques, but also on how to put myself in a position to avoid self-recrimination, let things flow a bit more. I'm looking for a better psychological outlook. Right now I edit my stuff so aggressively that I transform pages into tweets.
7 votes -
‘Tortured phrases’ give away fabricated research papers
16 votes -
USA women's volleyball team wins first gold medal in a 3-0 game
4 votes -
Why I love Bandcamp: Waived-fee Fridays, solid app, no DRM
19 votes -
Tips for political debate
4 votes -
Solving puzzles to create better COVID vaccines
2 votes -
Apple's plan to "think different" about encryption opens a backdoor to your private life
15 votes -
Hi, how are you? Mental health support and discussion thread (August 2021)
This is a monthly thread for those who need it. Vent, share your experiences, ask for advice, talk about how you are doing. Let's make this a compassionate space for all who may need one.
15 votes -
From the 1910s to the 1930s, John Alinder portrayed the local people of rural Sweden, the landscape around them and their way of life
12 votes -
The Moral Character of Cryptographic Work by Phillip Rogaway
5 votes -
Printer jam: Serious supply issues disrupt the book industry’s 2020 fall season
4 votes -
Trials begin on lozenge that rebuilds tooth enamel
18 votes -
When the Western world ran on guano
9 votes -
Kempt, couth, ruth: On the disappearing antonyms of “grumpy” words
7 votes -
It’s a good thing I don’t care what you think -- How reception shapes philosophy articles
3 votes -
Starbase factory tour with Elon Musk: Part II
8 votes -
Far Cry 5: Two years later
3 votes