Sorry this is pretty rant-y, I tried I promise lol:

I've posted on here re: topics similar to & leading towards this one, but not in this group specifically, so apologies if this is not the right place but idk where else to put it lol: I need to talk to someone who started life less-well off, whatever that means where you come from, and worked themselves into a better situation, and then actually finally broke through whatever the fuck this is that I can't get past right now.

I am solidly working/lower middle class (low low, like I'm not gonna lose my house but I also could never move, no savings but only overdraft -occasionally-, etc.): education background, higher ed, public service, etc—I got too many degrees & got on some good meds & found out mid-30s I have a lot of marketable transferable high-level skills, setting me on a course to replace all the side gigs with one Good Job. Almost got a couple of -really- good offers (like, verbal, then waiting, then layoffs, then a very disappointing email, rinse and repeat) as it unfortunately just happened to be the worst year to look for a job since 2008 lol.

One of the things I'm good at is talking/listening to people, and one of the things I was lacking in was a good network (the other BA/education grads I knew also don't have very good jobs), so I started talking to anyone & everyone, mostly aspirational/mentor types, they have all done very well for themselves & I think it's self-selectinf but they're all pretty sales-y, which is fine. And as another skill I can usually "spot" people, pattern recognition or maybe autism idk, so I'm only talking to people who have had success but also that I don't anticipate will be telling me to pull myself up by my bootstraps, etc.

So here's the thing: every single one of them has said basically (and I think genuinely trying to be helpful): "Why do you need a better job?", "What do you really want here?", "I had what you're after and it didn't make me happy, it was what you already have that did that for me finally," and so if you are having thoughts like that, thank you for reading, please leave lol, because I just cannot—like of course it's easy for you to say "Oh, a corporate job is just travel & restaurants, that's no way to live" when you've already done it! I want in, dude. And honestly it feels like something a woman in the 80s or 90s would have been up against—like "Oh you're better off where you are," ok sure let's fucking swap then. Jesus.

Ok sorry /rant. So what I need is for someone who grew up pretty low income to tell me that there's even a hope, a shred of a possibility that I can do better for myself & my family, because all I can find is people telling me I should be happy with what I have, and the truth is I am not, I'm spinning my wheels and going insane, I am running at maybe 10% capacity and it's driving me nuts—i can literally hear it now "boy I wish I had that much free time”: yeah? What would you do with it? Expensive shit, I bet. See? I feel like I could have both things, but no one wants to let me in—is it just in-group mentality & self-preservstion? Am I somehow threatening their status quo by being a real life person who could maybe do what they did? Because the closest I've gotten so far is hearing how someone along the way cut them a break & that's how they got their start, except none of them seem to be able to see the irony in saying that to me before telling me to just enjoy it as it comes, take it easy, my god I am going to have an aneurysm. And we're talking a significant sample of probably 15-20 people—is it just boomers? Am I doomed?

The most recent take was: "Well you seem like a person who's comfortable and middle-class, so it'll happen, you're fine." And I'm not, like, giving them the hard sell or asking for a job, I'm just mostly listening. I don't get it, and I don't know what I'm supposed to do when I'm trying to find out how someone got to where they are & they end with "You don't need what I have." Is social mobility even a thing anymore in the US?

Edit: gosh I just want to say how much I love this weird lil site, I am feeling about a million times better than I did this time yesterday, to the point that when the person I spoke with (the one who sent me spiraling & considering just going to bed & not getting out of it lol) messaged me to ask if I'd like to talk some more, I didn't say anything but "I'd love to!" because I didn't have to. Because they don't have to get it, they just have to help me find a job—seems like quite a few of you get it & that's all I think I really need sometimes.

(unless you're hiring then pls lmk lol)

Lately I’ve been experimenting with different desktop monitor setups, primarily for productivity-focused work as a systems engineer (coding, writing docs, Slack, email, terminals, etc.). Over the past few years, I’ve rotated through:
• 3× 24” 1080p monitors
• 2× 24” 1080p monitors + laptop display
• 1× 32” 4K monitor + laptop display
• 1× 32” 4K monitor
• Laptop display only (on a stand)

Surprisingly, I’ve found that I feel the most focused and productive when I use only my laptop display and rely on Alt-Tab to switch between apps.

With larger monitors or multiple displays I start to feel scattered. It almost turns into sensory overload, and my focus drops off.

Has anyone else experienced this? Do you find that larger or multiple monitors decrease your productivity? What setup works best for you?

Hi friends,

Given the current state of AI and other technologies, do you consider higher education to still be worth pursuing? For those of you with children, will you be advising them to go to college?

I’m asking because I am enrolled in a masters program for statistics and have ~2 years left. I’m concerned that by the time I’m finished, the degree won’t be worth the paper it’s printed on. Like many of you, I work in software. Some days I think I should be learning an entirely different skill set in a non tech related field to diversify my value instead of doubling down on a potentially dying field.

I am not really interested in “you should pursue education for the sake of education”. While this is probably true, at the end of the day I need a way to make money to survive and education is the historical way of increasing one’s value in the job market. Furthermore, I can educate myself for far cheaper if education from a university is no longer considered valuable.

Anyone else in the same boat? Am I being dramatic? Would love to hear your thoughts.

I’m a software engineer. I graduated in 2021 so I’ve only been one for around 4.5 years and definitely still feel fairly entry-level (at least, any time I look at jobs, the number of years of experience required for “senior” positions seems to have increased by one) and it feels like companies don’t particularly want anyone without a lot of experience anymore (and every time I do look at new jobs, the number of years required for “senior” positions seems to have increased by one). Meanwhile, I think it has its uses but I don’t actually enjoy using it. I want to solve problems and think and write code, not talk to an AI and become a full-time code-reviewer. My company is rebranding to have AI in the name shortly and, since early December, have been forcing us into 2+ hour long AI trainings once or twice a week. A lot of my coworkers seem like they’ve drank the Kool-Aid and are talking about new models and shit all the time and I just don’t get it.

I guess I’m kind of rambling but I just feel weird about all of it. I want to program but I don’t just want to use (or be forced to use) LLMs for everything, yet it seems like companies are just trying to get rid of actually human software engineers as fast as they can. I’ll even admit, Claude is way better than I expected, but I don’t actually enjoy sitting there typing “do this for me” and then having to just spend time reviewing code. I don’t know. I don’t think this is really even me asking for advice, just a rant, but yeah, just felt like I had to get something out there, I guess.

I’m a highly creative person with strong execution skills on the makers side of things, design, fabrication, ideation, problem-solving. Where I consistently fall down is follow-through when working solo: logistics, setup, listings, shipping, scheduling, the last-mile admin that turns finished work into something that actually exists in the world.

I have a lot of very good monetizable ideas and skills, and I LOVE the creative part, but I just flounder at the rest.

I've joked in the past about needing a manager, someone who tells me what to make and how much of it, and I just make the deadlines and they ship, but more and more recently I've realized that might be exactly what I need.

Recently I've been doing some free design and branding work for a local indigenous restaurant and despite not getting paid for it, I LOVED doing it. And I've been getting asked about why I don't do it for other businesses too, as I have the experience and skills to, and it's like I would but the freelance aspect of having to find my own clients and stuff is just daunting.

And same thing with a couple ideas I've had that utilize 3D Printing and 3D design. I have a product idea that would fit a perfect niche that isn't currently being filled by any big players, as well as a monetization and resale license plan, but it's the execution.

When left to my own devices I kind of just fizzle out.

And I have a lot of designs and artwork that can absolutely translate to clothing and apparel, and I used to have a very active redbubble / society6 presence.

Like I know body-doubling is a really good ADHD hack that works, but I'm not sure how to body double something like this, but I would if I could.

So I guess I'm asking if anyone else has had to deal with this or if anyone has had to hire a creative partner/assistant/manager, and if so how'd that go and what is that like? Also where do I even go to find a person like that?

Imgur album of what I'm thinking, apartment-provided floor plans that aren't 100% accurate. Kitchen and bathroom dimensions are not accurate, I just put them there as a reference for walkways and such. The patio is on the north side of the living room and opens from the right side.

Okay! So since the last time I posted asking for advice about housing options (thank you all who read or contributed to it), a few factors have come up with the housemate option that made it a bit less appealing. Is it so unappealing that 1k extra in savings isn't worth it? Probably not... but I actually really liked this apartment unit even if it still lacks things like the in-unit laundry and have been approved for it.

I have to hire movers. There are two items that I physically cannot move on my own once they are plopped down by the movers: the Ikea Hemnes daybed (twin size bed that can expand to full size) and the larger standing desk with my gaming PC setup. I can probably shimmy the desk around if nothing is on it, but that daybed is... not moving. Because of this I'd really like to work on laying out my potential future apartment with those two items in mind.

Some personal preference notes:

• I would like the living room to feel at least a bit cozy even if I don't expect guests regularly at all. I will not be obtaining a couch/sofa because I'd need one that I can actually sit on, but that is pretty far out of my preferred budget at this time - like I'd rather get two Ikea Poangs instead of one cheap sofa that will hurt my back to sit on.
• Avoiding certain things within reason - no backs to windows while seated at a computer desk, prefer no back towards entryway. I realize my tentative layout plan absolutely has my back towards entryways but I'm struggling to find a layout that really ticks all boxes
• I can buy new furniture! Not immediately because I mentioned money being an anxiety-inducer of mine even if I'm doing comparatively well. But I'm not really sold on needing a big TV. If I want to watch a show while working on some arts and crafts, I do it on the iPad or 16in portable monitor.

I've considered:

• Two desks in living room, bedroom only for sleeping. I'm not against it, but with just a twin bed and maybe a bookshelf or two, I don't know what I'd even put in here... I've never had an entire bedroom dedicated to just sleeping, minus the several months prior to the breakup :')

• One desk in living room, another in bedroom. Probably gaming desk in the living room. I don't like my options for the bedroom because of the bathroom placement and closet doors along the west wall that make it difficult to place anything on that side. I don't enjoy the work desk having my back to the entrance, but those closet doors don't really allow me to put the desk anywhere that doesn't have my back to it in some way.

Any and all thoughts appreciated, whether it's on the two desks in living room vs. 1/1 split setup, or a layout of a specific room!

The recruitment agency I temp with are a major multinational player in the market, have a bit of a reputation for being sharks (based on feedback I've seen about them on Reddit and Trustpilot.) They're a publicly listed company who absolutely 100% should know better.

I caught a really nasty virus two weekends ago and had been practically bedridden for nearly a week. For the first two days of calling in sick, I logged into my work laptop and messaged my line manager via Teams. On Wednesday morning, I was advised that I should also keep my agency in the loop, so I instead sent her an email, ensuring to copy in the recruitment consultant who is my point-of-contact (I'll just call him Ben.)

At roughly 3:40 PM, Ben sends me a snarky WhatsApp message out of the blue. "you know we can see your details on job boards lol." I left him on read because 1. I'm in bed and 2. My job search is frankly none of his business.

He then called me and proceeded to all-but-accuse me of pulling sickies to attend interviews, going behind his back to apply for jobs. He asked me if I even considered how bad I was going to make him and the agency look if I quit my job, then proceeded to interrogate me about my contact I had with other recruiters and warned me to delist myself any job boards moving forwards. I complied, purely because I wanted to shut him up and didn't want to start a further argument, when in my head I just wanted to verbally chew him out.

I don't appreciate being intimidated and guilt-tripped about my job search, especially when I am genuinely unwell, and I am seriously thinking about lodging a formal complaint with the agency, but I'm also worried about facing retaliation for this.

AFAIK, I have not signed into a contract preventing me from applying for roles with other employers or agencies. I'm also on a temp zero-hours contract that is due to finish in less than three weeks where either party can terminate it without notice or liability. There is the possibility of the work assignment being extended, or me being offered a permanent role but I don't intend to stay beyond this. This was a decision I made to myself weeks before Ben's recent asshole behaviour. Other than that, I literally have nothing lined up.

Has anybody had experiences raising formal complaints with recruitment agencies? The agency does have a complaints procedure and a dedicated quality care team that investigates formal complaints.

@RoyalHenOil's comment in another thread got me thinking, and I feel like it might be helpful for me to hear what other Tilderinos have to share about this. I've wondered for years if I might have ADHD. Any time I've looked into it, it never seems like I check enough boxes for that to be an accurate label. But I've also gotten the impression that many psychological things like ADHD might be better understood as a spectrum (or even a region?), so lately I keep coming back to the possibility that I just have some other/related flavor of executive dysfunction. Or maybe I just haven't figured out how to "adult" properly yet for other reasons. I don't know, but it feels like being able to name the way my brain works would help things somehow.

I tried for hours to write up an explanation of my experiences, but I couldn't come up with anything that felt accurate and was a reasonable length, so the five-second version is this: The thing I keep coming across and identifying with is the "hyperfocus mode" that some people report. I enjoy this but also feel like it must have something to do with my struggles in some areas. I can prioritize tasks effectively plenty of the time, but I also can't at other times. If I used an Eisenhower matrix, things in the "important but not urgent" category would mostly be gathering dust (except for ones I happened to focus on). I don't really have any control over the "hyperfocus mode" and its target changes unpredictably.

There's an exhausting amount of nuance I could add to the above. I'd really love to hear from anyone who's had experience with any sort of divergent executive function that doesn't seem to fit into any of the currently available boxes we use to understand these things.

Addendum: I reread RoyalHenOil's comment just now and I think responding to it directly might be easier than writing out my own explanation from scratch, so I'll include that response here for anyone who feels like reading it.

I am really not sure if this topic belongs in ~tech or ~society or ~talk but I trust the moderators to re-assign accordingly.

So, this is the layout of the "development" team of my companies.

there are 4 "development" teams which reports to the development manager who also occasionally codes.
There is one team, that's the one I am on. 7 people, 6 males.
there is another team, 4 people, 3 males.
there is another team, 5 people, 4 males.
The last team, I don't really consider "development" team. its a team of 4 females. What they are best suited for is QA in the sense of manually testing the product to ensure the experience is sufficient for push to PROD, But because of budget restrictions, they are being forced to learn code and testing suites so they can be the people to develop our testing structure. They are great people and excellent Manual QAers but they really are not developers.

All our tech managers and team leads are men with the exception of the team lead for QA (obviously).

And just to be clear, the culture is friendly and respectful and no complaints. It's just the gender ratio is pathetic.

So our tech gender ratio is really 17 people and 3 women which is 17%.
If you want to consider the QA team a dev team to bump up the numbers, you get 21 with 7, that's still only 33%.

At a recent company meeting, they were talking about how diverse our workforce is and blah blah blah (I tune out most of that stuff as we are fully remote and I spend most of my time coding), but then they showed a slide that claimed our gender ratio for tech roles was like 50% or something.....

I message a colleague at work, being like "where on earth did they get that number??", he was like ":shrug: maybe they are counting the people who use the product we are making?"

To clarify that, the product we work on is rarely used by external customers. Instead we have employees who know how to use our product and correspond on our behalf with external customers. So all these employees are doing is using a webapp the real tech employees develop.

So long story short, my company pulled a number out of nowhere to claim we have gender equity in the tech roles and now I dont know how to trust any stats a company puts out about how equal the gender roles are in their "tech" departments.