Preface: Sorry if this isn't the place, and if I'm cagey on some specifics. Also sorry for the length, this turned out a lot longer than I anticipated.

My partner and I have been together for nearly 8 years at this point. This was my first serious, long-term committed relationship; every other one I'd had was short-lived (<3 months) and I hadn't exactly had a lot of them. Maybe this is why I was blind to the cracks until things got unavoidable.

It started off strong and passionate of course, and things moved rather quickly. We (they, I'm not on the title) bought a house and we were expecting a child within a year. I should have kept things slower, thought with my head instead of blindly following my heart. I'd been very lonely for a very long time. I was happy those first few years, even if in hindsight the cracks were beginning to show. Even before baby came along, intimacy fell off a cliff. I had many talks about this with them, which led nowhere much really. The rest of the relationship still felt solid to me though. I pressed on.

In the beginning, they had a better job than I did. I earned far less. Luckily an opportunity came up for me to finish my schooling and further my career, and I put a lot of work into achieving just that. Now things have changed with that, and I feel like we could be doing well together... If it weren't for the financial instability I feel they bring. I'd never been great with money, but my partner's father took me under his wing and taught me a lot of financial literacy. I became adept at putting together spreadsheets and managing our finances. Our first major crisis we overcame together through being very fiscally conservative and digging our way out. We also had several windfalls that helped us out. Then... another crisis, again because of overspending on their end. We pulled from our IRAs in order to stay afloat, with promises to do better. Then... another crisis. Again. Same reasons. We put together a loan against the home's equity. More promises.

We are again heading to a crisis. We are out of windfalls and options and frankly I'm exhausted.

Finally, parenting and housekeeping. I've always loved how my partner cares so much for their children (from a prior relationship) as well as ours. They have a way of making magical moments which I envy. This is contrasted by their complete inability to parent effectively. There's no consequences, no expectations, no boundaries, and it's infuriating. Initially it wasn't quite that bad, and I felt I had equal say in parenting. Over the years, that's eroded to my partner viewing me as authoritarian and domineering. The kids know they'll get their way with them so why would they ever come to me first?

Maybe it was the extra time during COVID but they also put more effort into housekeeping early on as well. Now I feel it mostly falls on my shoulders, and my will to clean and keep up is murdered by the fact that within hours it's a mess again. It isn't helped by the fact that my partner is a hoarder. I have to gut things from the house in secret. I haven't seen the corners of my walls in ages. I spent a week while they were away cleaning the home top to bottom last year. Within a day it looked like a bomb went off.

These are all things I've tried discussing with them, multiple times, over the years. I mostly get brushed off, or (what I feel now are) empty promises. Most infuriating to me is "I don't know what you want me to say." I want you to say what's in your heart, what you feel! Don't tell me something you think I want to hear, be honest.

I feel I know where this is going, I don't want to fall in the same trap I see many couples are in where it's clearly over and yet they keep moving along. We're not married, a clean break is reasonable, I know my partner can be mature about things because their relationship with their ex is amazingly calm and chill.

I'm terrified in a way of being alone again.

I don't really know where to turn for more perspective. I've already talked with my sister, and a close co-worker who is going through some of the same feelings I am. Those conversations have been very helpful. Recently, what really put things in stark contrast was the other day when my partner's father asked "So is everything ok between you two?" If he went out and asked, it means it's really obvious things are not ok.

I've been fantasizing a lot lately about what a split would be like. Making plans for where to go, and figuring out how to reconcile things like accounts, items, and debts. Worst of all I've been fantasizing about being with other people; the intimacy and passions has been gone between us for a long time. The last time my partner initiated anything between us was a year ago, and I don't even remember the time before that. Everything feels so wrong and unsatisfactory.

I told them yesterday we need a frank talk, and not through text this time - their preferred method of communication with me for a while now... But I have no idea when we even have time for that away from the kids.

Closing thought: I don't want to feel like I've pre-determined my outcome here. I feel I've done what I can though, to make my own feelings clear. Thank you for any thoughts.

Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

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Hello book club readers!

This month we are reading a classic, the Metamorphosis by Kafka. How is it going? Have you started?

I'm finishing up some other books but will start soon. I've never read this one and I'm looking forward to reading it.

How is it possible that in the year of our Lord 2026 my devices STILL use my physical location to determine everything?

As I'm writing this, I'm still reeling from the emotional rage I experienced during the past days. A little context: I got a fitness band (smart band? health watch? smart watch?) as a Christmas gift from a family member. It's a Huawei fitness band that was quite cheap, and I was going to connect it to my (Samsung) android phone. It's the end of February now, and what put me off from configuring it for this long was the fact that I was quite concerned with the privacy side of things; How can I know that my health data isn't indexed by some foreign corporation, sold, and subsequently used against me by my insurance company in 20 years? (further context: I live in Finland)

After doing some research I decided to at least try it out to see how the band works, and only then decide whether I want to keep using it or not. I connect it to my phone, begrudgingly set up yet another account for a service I will use only for a single purpose, sign over my soul and am finally able to establish a connection between the phone and the band. The band asks me to choose the language, and I choose English. I have all of my devices in English even though it's not my native language, mainly for two reasons:

1. the translations I've found to be quite clumsy/unintelligible at times, even (read: especially) on Windows
2. 99.9% of all tutorials, guides and manuals exist in English, therefore it's easier to troubleshoot/fix problems if I don't have to translate stuff all of the time

After choosing the language and finally getting the damn vampire to work, I notice it's displaying the weather in Fahrenheit. This is odd, because my phone as well as the health app on it are both configured to display units in Celsius, and no matter what I do, I can't get it to change. This shouldn't be a big problem because I don't care what weather/temperature it displays; I already get that information elsewhere.

Now, I'm definitely not an expert on electronic devices or computers in any capacity, but I do dual-boot Linux and Windows on my PC with my main usage being on Linux Mint, and I've also tinkered with some Raspberry Pi and for example Lua coding during the past years, just because learning is fun. Really, the only reason I use Windows at all anymore is because I never got my favorite game, Horizon: Zero Dawn, to work on my Linux distro. I've chosen English (and only English; there is no secondary language) both as the Windows language as well as for Steam, Firefox etc.

Nevertheless, every time I start up Windows, approximately a third of all notifications, error messages and buttons are in my country's most spoken language. Why? Because I'm located in my country. The same is true for my browser, about half of all software and so on. The system detects that I'm located in Finland (or perhaps that the OS was obtained here), and therefore it desperately tries to adjust to that fact, among other things by assuming what language I really speak. Some things in Windows just seem to adjust automatically depending on where it detects I am, and for many problems the only solution seems to be to change my time zone, the unacceptability of which should go without saying.

I understand Windows has been going downhill for quite a while, pushing content and services that the end user didn't ask for and doesn't want/need while removing functionality to bar the user from tinkering with their product too much. That being said, I can't for the life of me understand in what world this particular decision benefits anybody. Why not make separate settings for the time zone, the display language and the displayed units and then respect those settings? It's annoying for the user and it doesn't make anything on my device easier to do, and every time I want to configure Windows, my Android phone or for example my smart band, I feel like a child that gets babied by all the adults and never taken seriously. The child's name? Not Albert Einstein, at least as far as Microsoft is concerned, because of course I am a stupid and lazy average person who speaks the majority language in my country, who wants to do the same things everyone else does, and who understands the error message in English perfectly until the word "OK", which needs to be translated to my country's majority language for some reason.

Back to the smart band problem: After scrounging the internet for a while, I noticed quite a few Europeans have had the same issue with not being able to change the displayed units on their smart band. The solution?

Change the language to UK English.

Now, I understand that this problem had a relatively easy "solution", and in any other scenario I would have jumped to solve the problem and get on with using the device, but this was simply the straw that broke the camel's back. When configuring a device, the user cannot be required to play 5D-chess against the manufacturer's cultural ignorance in order to get basic things to work. In trying to make their product as foolproof as possible, they've made all the end users fools in the process. And this goes for computers, phones, smart bands, smart TVs, gaming consoles and even toasters that nowadays all require AI+remote control completely set up in order to function. Why not let the user first decide what they want, let the user ignore the settings they don't know about, and then have this state-of-the-art technology adjust to that?

I have no interest in wearing this kind of "smart" device on me because it makes me feel stupid.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?