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  • Showing only topics in ~health with the tag "ask". Back to normal view / Search all groups
    1. Need exercises/workouts I can do while injured

      So I've been dealing with a sprained ankle for the third summer in a row. This time, however, I have been told I cannot bear any weight on my foot. I need some help with exercises I can do. I...

      So I've been dealing with a sprained ankle for the third summer in a row. This time, however, I have been told I cannot bear any weight on my foot. I need some help with exercises I can do. I spent the second half of April and all of May doing nothing (but my PT exercises) and am tired of it. I went into the pool yesterday to "swim" but the kicking action of swimming was too painful, so I spent 45 minutes just floating in the pool until my friends and I were tired of being in the pool.

      For more context: I'm hypermobile and injure really easily, but am also overweight. I used to be a professional folk dancer, and still have a ton of muscle/strength from that, even though it's been 13 years since I last performed professionally.

      walking, swimming, dancing, and hula hooping have been my past workouts that I've loved doing, but for obvious reasons, I can't do any of them right now. So any advice is greatly appreciated!

      8 votes
    2. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      2 votes
    3. Generic preventitive healthcare advice wanted

      Thanks to an emergency that resulted in an unexpected surgery, I have reached my health insurance maximum out-of-pocket expense. For those with sane healthcare systems, it basically means that I...

      Thanks to an emergency that resulted in an unexpected surgery, I have reached my health insurance maximum out-of-pocket expense. For those with sane healthcare systems, it basically means that I will not be charged for any additional healthcare I receive for the rest of the year as long as it's covered (i.e. no cosmetics or "just for funsies"). I'm expecting a $6,000 bill in the mail, so I'm looking to take as much advantage of this as I possibly can, starting with some minor issues that I've been sitting on for a while.

      I'll have to ask my doctor for their referral for anything, but I was wondering if there were any preventative healthcare services I should specifically ask for? I'm already going to be making an appointment for a regular physical - something I'm ashamed to say that I don't regularly do. I'm going to ask the doctor this same question but I figured I'd come up with a checklist just to make sure I don't miss out on anything.

      17 votes
    4. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      2 votes
    5. Does anyone have experience or advice on cutting sugar consumption?

      In the last year I've made significant progress in my relationship with food. A massive part of it was simply cutting down calories and a little more exercise. And so far it's been pretty good....

      In the last year I've made significant progress in my relationship with food. A massive part of it was simply cutting down calories and a little more exercise. And so far it's been pretty good. I'm down around 13kg(30lb), I'm fitting in a lot of my older cloths and issues like back pain and sleep apnea are getting back in line.

      But for a while I've hit a plateau and it's feeling like a bit of a regression. Looks like the big blocker is my sugar consumption. I can stave off the craving for most of the day, but at 2.30pm on the dot I can't help but reach for chocolate, soda or an ice cream. And then I keep reaching for them till the end of the day. It's been getting worse lately and that slipping feeling really sucks.

      I've tried cold turkey, fruits, alternatives, gum and a few other strategies but they all never stick.

      I'm curious if anyone else has managed to make the cut and if there's any tips and tricks that helped keep you consistent. It's one thing to clear out the house, but the stuff seems to be at arms reach at all times. And there's always the weird blackout time between "I should not eat that" and "why the hell did I eat that".

      49 votes
    6. I wet the bed late into my teens and I have no idea why

      So I continued to wet the bed way past 7 and I have no idea why. different family members chalked it up to different reason: I am lazy I am a very deep sleeper I have a very anxious personality...

      So I continued to wet the bed way past 7 and I have no idea why.

      different family members chalked it up to different reason:

      1. I am lazy
      2. I am a very deep sleeper
      3. I have a very anxious personality
      4. bladder issues

      Amongst other things.

      One thing I can see being a cause was that I was not raised in a peaceful household. It was a very violent household. not in the sense of physical violence like broken arms and such, more as in lots of yelling and screaming and things like that. My family really didn't know how to communicate well.

      But I was not the only child raised in my household and I was the only one who wet the bed.

      Anyways, different thing were tried, things to supposedly "fix" my bladder. shaming, etc. Growing up, my family had to always wake me up at around 4 or 5 am and take me to the bathroom, otherwise there was a good chance I'd wet the bed.

      I personally was getting worried that it was a problem I'd have forever and it'd be an impediment to my social life (as in no sleepovers and etc (not that I had had friends at that age anyways)).

      But I did start to notice that once I got into high school, it started happening less and less. Still did happen, but just wasn't as common. Then, I remember the last time it happened was when I was either in grade 10 or 11 but I am pretty sure grade 10.

      Then that was it.

      It just stopped on its own.

      Weird thing is, I changed nothing about myself.

      I'd still classify myself as lazy and a very deep sleeper and I still have an incredibly anxious personality.

      The only thing that changed is that when I am asleep, and as my bladder is filling up, something in my bladder (or my brain) instead of just releasing, would instead block the urine until I wake up in pain and go to the bathroom. The change really caught my attention when I woke up with a really full bladder like 2-3 years ago and I remembered how a little over 10 years ago (I am in my 30s), no way my body would've reacted to it by holding it in involuntarily until I woke up.

      I tried doing a bit of googling to figure out what parts of the body are involved in the process of holding in one's pee overnight to try and see what are the possible reasons for the change to occur so late in me to no avail.

      I am forever curious what happened in my body to make that change happen so late but not sure I will ever know.

      20 votes
    7. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      7 votes
    8. Those who journal, how do you do so authentically? (How to stop “self-editing” or “censoring” yourself and your thoughts?)

      I have tried and failed to journal many times in the past. I always find myself self-editing, avoiding writing certain thoughts or feelings and just overall not being as authentic or honest or...

      I have tried and failed to journal many times in the past. I always find myself self-editing, avoiding writing certain thoughts or feelings and just overall not being as authentic or honest or genuine as I should be to actually get some value out of journaling. I wish I could get over this “self-censoring” habit because I love reading and writing and really think journaling could be a great outlet for me.

      So, I ask, what tips do you have to help write? To help actually get your thoughts and feelings out on the page, without judging yourself or feeling self conscious or critical? What do you write? What do you find helps you write more honestly and genuinely?

      Could really use some help and guidance.

      24 votes
    9. Time blocking, do you do it?

      Hey everyone! Do you have any experience with time blocking? Do you use any apps to help or do you do it all manually in your calendar? I recently watched a video I found on Tildes by Answer in...

      Hey everyone!

      Do you have any experience with time blocking? Do you use any apps to help or do you do it all manually in your calendar? I recently watched a video I found on Tildes by Answer in Progress (https://youtu.be/vYaNiC4kchg?si=zh02N4bStqAhBBAe) about attention span. I have heard a lot about time blocking in the past, but always thought I never really needed it.

      However, recently I've been starting to realize maybe I'm not doing well mentally..days can slip by on YouTube, or a video game, and the things I wanted to get done get pushed back to the next day..and the next day, and so on..or things I was passionate about, things I want to succeed in that I am good at..just sort of slip away, and I stop doing them and lose my drive. So maybe I need to block time to get it done... I'm not sure. So I guess I can try Meditation and time blocking..

      Anyway, anyone have some suggestions if they do this? Have you found that it helped?

      15 votes
    10. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      5 votes
    11. Fitness recommendations to gradually increase mobility while recovering from chronic illness

      So I've had hypothyroidism since at least 2020, maybe longer. I've been gaining weight and losing both mobility and stamina since then. It got to the point where I couldn't put on my shoes without...

      So I've had hypothyroidism since at least 2020, maybe longer. I've been gaining weight and losing both mobility and stamina since then. It got to the point where I couldn't put on my shoes without an extra-long shoe iron and would get too winded to continue after depressingly short walks.

      I was diagnosed earlier this year and put on levothyroxine, and I already feel a lot better. Managing that medication is obviously something to work with my doctor on, but I haven't gotten much advice on how to address getting my body back to where it was prior to the illness really getting into gear. I wasn't crazy active back then either, but it's like night and day to compare me now to me in 2019.

      I attempted to start some low-level at-home strength training and to start taking more regular walks back before I was diagnosed, but I struggled with even extremely mild beginner-level stuff absolutely wiping me out and my endurance never increasing. Now that I'm being treated, I suspect I will be able to build up strength/stamina/etc. more easily, but emotionally I'm still pretty vulnerable to feeling like exercise is something insurmountably difficult, which obviously makes it hard to start a more regular routine.

      Losing weight is something I should do, but it's not my #1 priority here -- I mostly want to improve my mobility and stamina so that I can increase my activity level at all without feeling like shit. Most beginner-level exercise recommendations, be they strength or cardio, start at a level that is above what I can currently physically accomplish. So any recommendations for ways to get started more gradually so that I can make some amount of this exercise part of my routine would be really appreciated.

      13 votes
    12. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      5 votes
    13. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      5 votes
    14. Anyone here suffering from low testosterone?

      UPDATE 2024/04/26: Couldn't find any spot with a Endocrinologist right away so I went to a urologist. Urologists these days, at least here in Brazil, are well versed in TRT and knows exactly what...

      UPDATE 2024/04/26: Couldn't find any spot with a Endocrinologist right away so I went to a urologist.

      Urologists these days, at least here in Brazil, are well versed in TRT and knows exactly what to look for.

      Turns out I have some issues that could be causing my low T. My left testicle is way smaller than my right which indicates that things are not working. I also have varicocele (enlarged veins in the scrotum), which in some cases can cause low testosterone and in a lot of cases can lower your sperm count and quality.

      So he ordered blood tests to check all my hormones as well as Triglycerides and other things, ultrasound of my balls and spermogram.

      It'll probably take a week or two to have all these done and I'll come back here with the results.

      I am also noticing some symptoms besides libido, like poor sleep (I am waking up a lot more in the night, like 4+ times) and really low muscle gain for someone who lifts for 10 years and can push some heavy weight. There are some things in me that it could be linked to this. I feel like I am just pushing through life these days, feeling a little beaten and just going through the motions. It could explain my exacerbated cynicism and lack of interest in everything.

      It could be that my body has been working against me for some time.


      Original thread:

      I am 37yo.

      One year ago I did a checkup and asked for my testosterone levels because I was feeling my libido was lower than normal.

      The results came back and my numbers were 377 ng/dL, free test was 9 ng/dL and SHBG 23,6 mmol/L.

      It was low, but within the normal range.

      Everything else was perfectly normal.

      Now almost a year later I am feeling that things are worse. I can go a week without feeling any desire. I still have morning wood, but it is not every day like it was. I have sex with my SO, but I can easily lose my erection.

      I scheduled an appointment with an endocrinologist from my health inssurance, but it has a spot only in July!

      So I went to a lab and did a blood test for testosterone and it is indeed worse.

      It is now 255 ng/dL, free test was 6,5 ng/dL and SHBG 19 mmol/L.

      I am physically active, lift weights 4 days per week, can squat relatively big numbers, am not overweight (on mornings I have a six pack) and drink alcohol only on weekends.

      Is this drop normal when you reach 40s or there is probably an issue here?

      I thought HRT was for when we were in our 50s.

      Anybody has gone through anything similar and can share your stories?

      18 votes
    15. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      3 votes
    16. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      5 votes
    17. What is it like to have both ADHD and autism?

      I've been doing a lot of work with my therapist and it has been suggested that I might have a mix of both Autism and ADHD. I have always related to Autism to a certain extent but I would never say...

      I've been doing a lot of work with my therapist and it has been suggested that I might have a mix of both Autism and ADHD.

      I have always related to Autism to a certain extent but I would never say it because I felt like I didn't really fit because some things I do don't make sense it that context. I was also obsessed with learning to be human since young and have a lot of systems to deal with it and apparently that means I've been masking for a very long time.

      But my therapist also brought up ADHD and that has explained a lot about some the things I'm still currently struggling with. But again, when I look it up, I don't feel like I fully fit. But also, I have developed a lot of systems over the years to deal with my issues and function like a normal human being. So a lot of the things I struggle with is hidden because I've "fixed" them.

      I'm still reluctant to say I have either of those two things because I feel like an imposter. So I've just settled on Neurodivergent and think that I can always learn the tools that help people with ADHD even if I don't have it. Because if the tools work for you, then why not?

      But my therapist has suggested getting diagnosed because it does change what kind of medication you might get. I'm currently on medication for anxiety and depression.

      So now I'm wondering how common it is to have a mix of both ADHD and Autism. For those who have both, what is it like for you? What is your daily life like? What are your struggles and how do you deal with them? When did you realise you might have a mix of both? How do you feel about yourself and your brain?

      I apologize if this isn't the right place to ask this. I don't post very often and am getting used to it.

      38 votes
    18. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      3 votes
    19. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      8 votes
    20. I can't cry for some reason

      The last time I cried was probably like 3 years ago. I have no idea why. I know that not being able to cry can be a result of depression, or some sort of trauma, or having to suppress your...

      The last time I cried was probably like 3 years ago. I have no idea why. I know that not being able to cry can be a result of depression, or some sort of trauma, or having to suppress your emotions for a long time - but I never experienced any of that. I just suddenly stopped being able to cry and it sucks because crying is a great emotional outlet and sometimes I really feel like I want to cry but just can't for some reason.

      Has anyone else dealt with the same thing?

      21 votes
    21. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      7 votes
    22. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      11 votes
    23. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      10 votes
    24. Anyone else who don't care much for their past?

      I'm 46 years of age. My childhood and youth and post-youth life wasn't traumatic or anything. I had an okay life. I guess I might even have had a good life. But for some reason, reminiscing about...

      I'm 46 years of age. My childhood and youth and post-youth life wasn't traumatic or anything. I had an okay life. I guess I might even have had a good life. But for some reason, reminiscing about it just doesn't feel pleasant. Some folks find talking about their past highly enjoyable. So why don't I like it? Is this normal?

      23 votes
    25. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      9 votes
    26. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      11 votes
    27. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      14 votes
    28. Fitness educational resources?

      As a result of my improving health, I am looking to finally start working on exercise. I have been through a class on exercise before but I was in very poor shape and wasn't really able to do much...

      As a result of my improving health, I am looking to finally start working on exercise. I have been through a class on exercise before but I was in very poor shape and wasn't really able to do much at the time so most of the practical stuff I had learned has escaped me, and now I only know enough to hurt me, it seems. I want to do some resistance exercises and even purchased a dumbell but I'm hesitant to do much with it because I'm worried about accidentally hurting myself.

      There are tons of resources on the web, but there is so much that it's actually a problem. I don't know how to evaluate their quality, and far too often do I see bad health advice on the internet so it's hard to trust any of them.

      With that being said, can anyone recommend me some trustworthy resources for physical fitness information? I'm looking for information on resistance training exercises particularly, but I'd like any information you'd like to share about fitness in general.

      15 votes
    29. Feeling lost with mental health treatment

      At 22 years old, after months long assessments, I have been diagnosed with severe ADHD, depression and moderate anxiety. Here is a quick timeline of my experience: May - August : I started CBT...

      At 22 years old, after months long assessments, I have been diagnosed with severe ADHD, depression and moderate anxiety. Here is a quick timeline of my experience:

      • May - August :
        • I started CBT therapy and Sertraline 50mg
        • Gradually I was upped to the a dose of 75mg.
        • In this whole period I did not experience any improvements or side effects, except a loss of appetite in the first few days.
      • September:
        • I started taking Methylphenidate 18mg and went back to just 50mg of Sertraline.
        • From the first day I had felt a sentiment of calmness and control. But it slowly faded away and I still felt I could not concentrate on things or act productive.
        • I also stopped going to therapy as I saw that CBT was not effective for me.
      • October - November:
        • This was a completely different month. I wasn't fully in control of my attention span but it was much better than I've ever been. What was more shocking was how internally I felt at peace and something that I'd describe now as euphoric (as I assume this was just a side effect of the medication). U
        • Until mid november I was actually going around telling people I think I might not be depressed anymore, as I had felt for the first time in a way that I haven't felt since early childhood. I was able to accomplish incredible feats related to discipline and I saw my academic results improving greatly. Unfortunately this sentiment slowly faded away and I was back to my old self by the end of November.
      • December - Now I was upped to 36mg of Methylphenidate and I noticed a much better control of my attention but unfortunately I have not felt that feeling of relief again. And as it seems the effectiveness of the dose diminished from the first few days to now.
        Since December I've had numerous breakdowns, feeling completely exhausted and burnt out. I suffered from classic problems of procrastination starting to work on difficult projects only a couple of days before the deadline and it was all crashing down. I submitted multiple disgustingly low quality pieces of work because I just did not work in time enough but the few days I did work I did incredible amounts of effort and I do feel like the pills helped me stay focused. After this deadline period though I was just met with my normal depression symptoms where I had a long streak of days that I could not even get out of bed or brush my teeth.

      I don't know what more to do. I always knew I was broken and needed help. And for all my life I thought that seeing a psychiatrist is a last resort in case "I can't fix myself" on my own. Now it's been almost a whole year and I am in a critical time period where I need to excel and put in the work but I find myself succumbing to my symptoms while jumping up and down with the doses of some pills that barely seem to have an effect.

      I didn't have many people around me from the start, and many of them would not understand my condition at all (nobody from my family does). But now it seems that even the few that were empathetic I have unfortunately tired out. I've heard my fair share of bad remarks that have gradually demoralised me (ADHD is not real. I'm just lazy. I just like to complain. etc) and due to the fact that I also have codependency problems this has greatly hurt me and made me feel like I am completely alone and nobody cares for my troubles or has my wellbeing in their best interest. Right now I just wish I'd know what to do. I wish there was some clear step by step goal oriented way to "happiness" or at least normality. I don't even know what more to tell my psychiatrist other than how I don't feel well, which is what I've been telling him since the start.

      If you've been through a similar journey, I'd love to hear your experience and any advice you wish you had received earlier.

      33 votes
    30. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      7 votes
    31. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      9 votes
    32. The body keeps the score, even when the memory has been completely erased

      I'm not here to talk about the New York Times bestseller, so apologies to anyone who's come looking for an informed discussion on that. Apologies if I'm posting this in the incorrect place, please...

      I'm not here to talk about the New York Times bestseller, so apologies to anyone who's come looking for an informed discussion on that. Apologies if I'm posting this in the incorrect place, please move or delete the post if it's inappropriate. I had something of a breakthrough in therapy recently and I don't have anyone to share this with (for reasons that may become obvious) so I'm turning to Tildes to vomit these thoughts out into the world somewhere.

      Like a lot of us growing older, I've been spending a some time trying to better understand myself and come to peace with the person I am. One of the aspects people around me (and myself) find perplexing is how I'm able to be personable and friendly, even popular in some circles, but given the choice I will stay away from people as much as possible (except for a very select few I can count on one hand). I often joke that if it weren't for my wife and kids I'd probably be feral and live in the woods, bite anyone who tries to get too close. That lady that lived alone in a cave for over a year? Life goals. I thought I was just a mega introvert, but something my therapist and I discussed made me realise that that side of my personality may be (at least partly?) a manifestation of past trauma. So here is my villain origin story.

      I've shared before on Tildes that I was very sick with cancer for a good chunk of my infancy. Whenever someone finds out I had cancer (it's left fairly visible marks, so the topic inevitably comes up) I always say it's ok, I don't remember it at all, so really it's my parents who lived through the trauma, not me, ha ha. I no longer believe that is entirely true. The body does keep the score after all. My therapist pointed out that I must have spent many moments alone dealing with the consequences, unable to fully share or understand what I was going through. Moments where I was physically manipulated whichever way, by people and instruments, dealing the nausea, the pain and the fatigue. I was too young to fully articulate my distress, ask for help (beyond crying) or seek solutions to the problems I faced. So for some moments at least I had only myself to rely on. Did the part of me that would normally seek out others die a little then?

      My parents used to remark that as a child I never cried out, just tears streaming silently down my face. They speak of how I used to play contentedly alone for hours. How I rarely asked for help when I really needed it. Don't get me wrong, I'm able to form relationships with people, and I'm perfectly capable of functioning in society. I do seek out others for company, connection, validation, love, etc, and vice versa. But I can't shake the feeling that there's something broken in those connections. It feels like something is amiss, even if I've mostly come to terms with being this way. I'm left thinking - did the trauma (at least partly) make me who I am? Where does the trauma end and where do I begin? How many of us are potentially totally different people today because the body remembers when we have completely and utterly forgotten? And if that's the case, is that...ok?

      48 votes
    33. Moral purism, personal responsibility, and dysfunctional standards

      This is a post about the topics mentioned in the title, and how they are related in my life. I suspect it might provide a point of consideration and discussion for other members, as I provide an...

      This is a post about the topics mentioned in the title, and how they are related in my life. I suspect it might provide a point of consideration and discussion for other members, as I provide an argument that could be applied to other people and situations.

      For good or bad, I put much value on morality, and see the world through a moralizing lens. This is not necessarily a case of reducing everything to "evil choices", it's more complicated than that, but it's been bothering me for a long while. It's partially because I often find myself judging myself too harshly, especially after failing to live up to my moral ideals.

      For example, I don't like overconsumption and the surrounding hyperconsumerist ideology, so I hadn't bought any sort of "geeky" merchandise for some years. It's because, even though I thoroughly enjoy fictional works, there's this hyperconsumerist ideology and culture surrounding geekdom. So I thought, and to some extent still think, that buying any kind of merchandise was being tricked by the system.

      I bought a simple merchandise item -a mug- the other day, which prompted me to question why I bought it. It feels shameful to write even now, but it's because I thought I should treat myself to something. It was cute, after all. When I thought about this issue, I realized certain things.

      For starters, I put too much emphasis on personal responsibility when it comes to moral issues. One reason is I tend to blame myself. I often question myself first before questioning others or the wider picture. Another reason is that there are many, many moral tales that emphasize the role of personal responsibility. Too many stories have the hero look down on the villain and declare: "There's always a choice." And then the hero explicitly or implicitly says the villain just wasn't strong enough.

      I think this is to a great degree due to how personal responsibility is mythologized in the contemporary culture. Abrahamic religions often put much emphasis on choosing the morally good choice. After all, the whole afterlife dichotomy is built upon this idea. Furthermore, with the "Enlightenment", the idea that individuals are rational and free to choose has become very prominent. So, both pre-modern and modern beliefs about morality puts much emphasis on personal responsibility.

      This has different effects on different people, and I recognize that my experience is not necessarily generalizable, but I do think that it provides a kind of insight on some issues. At least for some people. Basically, I've come to realize that ethical issues have more of an emotional impact on me than most people. I also have a dysfunctional pattern of trying to live up to unreasonable standards. When these two and the emphasis on personal responsibility were combined, it created a very difficult pattern for me. It made me more vulnerable to moral purism.

      I've recently realized why this moral purist tendency is straining for me, and there's a very simple why: it's because it's a thought that belongs to a fictional, idealized world. It doesn't consider the complexities and realities of the world I live in, it demands that I should live in that fictional, ideal world. In other words, it fails me, because it doesn't recognize that I'm a human with real needs and wants.

      I don't mean this in the cliche "Oh, humans are imperfect," way, because that way of thinking still puts the moral purist way on a pedastal. It just tells you that you are weak and imperfect, and tells you to compromise. I think this is not a good way of looking at it, because it still reinforces the idealized thinking. It just tells you to make concessions, which is unacceptable to a perfectionist.

      Instead, I say that it's a shitty psychology. This way of thinking doesn't consider how a human mind works, what it needs to be healthy and happy, and the overall workings of the world. Healthy thinking comes from being able to cope with realities of the world—in a way, it's being in tune with the reality you live in, and that necessitates recognizing your own emotional needs and wants. Moral purism encourages you to neglect your own emotional needs in pursuit of some fictional, impossible person you want to be. It's a fantasy.

      In this context, it's healthy to come to terms with your own limits as a single person. The wider picture should be considered. For example, in my situation, buying merchandise now and then doesn't make me a bad person, nor does it make this act morally bad. I live under capitalism, and no matter what I do, as long as I continue to live in a society, I will always contribute to its workings (and healthy people don't go "off the grid"). From my point of view, it's bad that doing things I love contributes to an inequalizing system, but in no reasonable way should I be expected to give up what little or moderate joys I get by participating in this system. Of course, there should be a limit regarding consumption, but the bar is certainly not as high as I thought.

      This is my personal experience with moral purism. I think the culture of overemphasis on personal responsibility feeds into it. What are your thoughts about it? Have you had similar experiences? The don't have to be about consumerism, as moral purism is seen many, unrelated issues.

      Note: This goes without saying, but this post doesn't suggest that having a better world in mind and striving for it is bad. It just criticizes an unhealthy way of approaching the mentioned topics.

      16 votes
    34. Eye glasses, especially myopia - what's real what's myth?

      Kid's vision just keeps getting worse: it's -3.0 now in one eye. The rate at which I have to get the kid's vision tested and new glasses (plural because kid) is alarming. My husband and I both...

      Kid's vision just keeps getting worse: it's -3.0 now in one eye. The rate at which I have to get the kid's vision tested and new glasses (plural because kid) is alarming.

      My husband and I both have 20/20, as did both our parents before they got old people eye stuff....so I'm really new to the world of prescription glasses.

      What's real and what are just old wives tales? Go outside more, get sun, limit screen time, don't read in the dark, these are kind of obvious but are they scientifically backed? I take super terrible care of my eyes and eyeballs are nearly touching the screens all day and I still have 20/20.....

      Eye drops that fix your eyes? Omega 3 do anything or just in general a good nutrient for everyone?

      Myopia control lenses (Miyosmart) -- legit or marketing hype? They seem to be a bunch of money and the brochures / site reads a bit like marketing nonsense...... How does a piece of lens fix eyeballs?

      Did you get Lasik? Is it still the thing to do for correction, and has it gotten better? Could my kid reach a point where even Lasik can't help?

      When did you get glasses and did the uh, progression (?) slow down or get better with age?

      Edit: what about blue light lenses?

      24 votes
    35. Hurt my lower back by bending over, any tips for healing and comfort?

      Ah, being 30. I haven't been 30 for even a full month yet, but I'm already feeling it. I bent over to pet one of my smaller kittens, except I kept doing it for longer than usual. Normally I'd pick...

      Ah, being 30. I haven't been 30 for even a full month yet, but I'm already feeling it. I bent over to pet one of my smaller kittens, except I kept doing it for longer than usual. Normally I'd pick it up and pet it, but not this time.

      Now my lower back is aching and it hurts to move, especially trying to turn over in bed (I'm a side sleeper). It will eventually stop hurting until I need to change my posture or position again. It's better today than it was yesterday so it is healing. There have been no sharp pains, numbness in the legs or anything, etc. Just a strong ache. It's a bit difficult to walk, but it's manageable.

      As for whether it's a slipped disk, pulled muscle, etc, I truly don't know. This has happened before in similar situations, so I'm expecting it'll happen again, probably more often as I get older.

      Does anyone know some tips to speed up the healing process, and what I can do to improve my comfort while healing? I already know to take it easy, put ice on it, and take Advil, so I'm looking for other tips besides those.

      25 votes
    36. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      11 votes
    37. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      10 votes
    38. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      16 votes
    39. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      7 votes
    40. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      8 votes
    41. Food suggestions, dieting help

      I'm trying to change some nasty habits at the moment. My year's theme is self control, and beating addictions is a large part of it. The symptoms I've been trying to fight off since last year:...

      I'm trying to change some nasty habits at the moment. My year's theme is self control, and beating addictions is a large part of it.

      The symptoms I've been trying to fight off since last year: Snacking often, eating portions too large, eating past hunger/always finishing my plate even if I feel full, craving greasy fast food, craving sweets/sugar.

      Progress is mixed. I'm trying a lot of things; I've reintroduced a 20:4 IF routine (my body is naturally somewhere around 16:8 - I never have breakfast) but I've had a lot of trouble obeying it for more than a few days.

      I'm realizing, today, that one thing I have not really been looking at is the cravings. This HN thread is what clicked for me. I know that on a "healthier" diet, I crave very different things.

      I'm looking at options on what I can introduce (gradually) to start getting my gut used to different classes of foods. I don't intend to switch to being vegan/vegetarian, I'm just looking to stop craving fat, salt, and sugar.
      Or rather, not necessarily crave, but "if I see it I want it" kind of thing. I want to be able to look at a packet of crisps and think "blergh" by default, even if I'm hungry.


      What advice I am looking for: Suggestions on snack replacements, juices, various tasty meals etc; things I can actually go for from day 1. I am not looking to do any large swaps. I am also not looking for extra effort; right now, a 99 percent of my meals are either store-bought, microwaved, or restaurant/takeout. I don't cook because I don't enjoy it nor usually have the time.

      Example: I've decided to introduce ginger shots to my diet, see if it'll help. I'm also going to try having carrots on-hand more often as I really like those.

      Note 1: I am considering giving Hello Fresh a shot next month, since I've never actually tried it, but I'm lukewarm on what'll happen.

      Note 2: Allergic to bell pepper; dislike eggplant, celery, zucchini.

      12 votes
    42. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      5 votes
    43. Pen needle source

      For almost a decade, I've been buying BD pen needles off Amazon. This low-cost supply has unfortunately dried up and I'm almost out. I'm leery of the other random brands they carry, some of the...

      For almost a decade, I've been buying BD pen needles off Amazon. This low-cost supply has unfortunately dried up and I'm almost out. I'm leery of the other random brands they carry, some of the reviews don't sound very good. So, folks who use pen injectors, where do you get your needles? I'm not dead set on BD but would like something of similar quality.

      The last time I got some at a local pharmacy, they came with a $45 co-pay for 100 needles. I go through at least 3 per day, so 45 cents each seems a lot to ask on top of the ~$1k/month pens.

      10 votes
    44. Fitness Weekly Discussion

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started...

      What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

      9 votes