Warning at the outset: This is mostly an unstructured rant, so no claims are made as to coherency or clarity. I am as much trying to get things off my chest as I am asking for advice.

I met my fiancée (let's call her B—) almost two years ago, and we connected immediately. Our values align closely, we have a lot of common experiences (having kids young; growing up as a middle child in a middle class family; both having come to queerness late in life being chief among them), and we were both absolutely dedicated to being silly and carefree with each other. B— calls it the "yes and," and it's something we're quite good at generally. I moved into B—'s place about 8 months after meeting, and 4 months after that we were engaged. We're due to be married in May this year. In general, it's been pretty smooth sailing, but the past four months or so have been increasingly stressful, and are making me feel like the relationship is falling apart.

Both B— and I are in some way neurodivergent, though neither of us has a formal diagnosis. She has all the classic symptoms of ADHD, and I am very confident that I am autistic. Our needs often feel diametrically opposed, and it's putting a massive strain on the relationship. Our house is in constant disarray, and B— apportions this chaos to "just part of having kids" and "and inevitable cycle," while leaving out the fact that she does little and less to actually contribute to the smooth running of the place. The only time she will make a meal is if I'm not actually present to do so. And her capacity for cleaning up is to do approximately half a chore every few days. Meanwhile I am tasked with doing all of the cooking and meal-planning for everyone, all of the shopping to fill the cupboards, and all of the cleaning after every mealtime to ensure that there is a clean and tidy enough kitchen for the next one. B— is so consumed by stress and shame that she becomes immediately paralysed by the prospect of any task that is not for her own specific edification. I feel like I am waging a lone war against a building that is not fit for purpose, against combatants who will with absurd immediacy undo any progress I actually make.

And I think that stress and shame is one of the core problems. We both feel it, and we both handle it in unhealthy ways. My habit is to take on the lion's share of the responsibility with a view to keeping the peace, and while sublimating my own need for rest, recuperation, and solitude. B— on the other hand will meet anything that could be construed as criticism by completely shutting down and refusing to engage with any discussion. Case in point, last night in a conversation where we were trying to figure out how best to repair our relationship, I made the point that I feel unsupported in doing the housework on top of parenting and my job, and she said "fine," and immediately stalked off. Nothing was discussed. No strategies for how to find an equitable solution. Just an immediate termination of the conversation, after I had already let her talk about my own failings vis-a-vis prioritising togetherness, and accepted that I need to take steps to change my behaviour. We haven't spoken a word since, and likely won't until there is a blow-up argument about it at some stage this weekend (a familiar pattern). These conversations can and do go fine, so long as B— is able to externalise the fault: it's work, it's Christmas, it's the car, it's the wedding, it's the kids, etc. If I say anything that challenges this and suggests that her own actions are making me feel dismissed or unloved (and I am always very clear in my use of "when you do __, I feel __" language) then the conversation just stops dead.

We are both stressed up to the eyeballs, and both recognise that we're dropping the ball in terms of keeping our relationship healthy and maintained. We described it last night as "dropping the spinning plate that is our relationship." At this stage, it simply feels like we are diametrically opposed in how we want to pick the plate back up. The time we have to simply be a couple is very limited by our being parents. Invariably it's after 21:00 that the children are abed, and we can squeak out some time for ourselves. But lately this time after the kids are in bed is compressed dramatically by having to do chores that went ignored from before bedtime, or a lengthy discussion over the current thing that is at the forefront of our minds that we are stressing about. B— in particular really feels the need to get into a topic, and what feels like it should be a brief discussion over "what's the plan with the car" turns into a 90-minute epic with B—'s anxieties tumbling out one by one.

And I am struggling to meet those anxieties with patience and love, because the way these conversations are phrased is such that the only way that B— can not feel anxious is for her to have her own way. Which makes me feel less like a romantic partner and soon-to-be wife, and more a subordinate being asked to get on board with whatever the management team have decided. I want her to feel safe and like she can express what she's going through, but it is completely endless. One anxiety begets another, and before we know it it's 23:00 and we either have to get ready for bed ourselves, or else push through beyond midnight to gain any semblance of downtime. I love her so much, but at the moment it feels like so much of the relationship (as well as my own actions) is being driven forward by her anxieties and stresses about any given thing. I feel like I am buckling under the weight of all B—'s worries and stresses, and the accommodations that need to be made. She feels paralysed by all of the stressors we have in our lives, and so these stressors compound because she gets "stuck" and cannot do anything about them. Dishes pile up. The laundry basket overflows. Surfaces become cluttered. The children need feeding. At every turn there is another responsibility that it feels like B— is heaping onto me because she is so exhausted by constantly living in her anxiety and stress that she is rendered unable to do much beyond doomscroll on her phone. Meanwhile I am operating with the assumption that the only way out of the stress is to actually deal with the thing that's stressing me out: tidy up, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, plan the week's meals, have the conversation. But at each turn I am the one left to do the job. And I had better do it cheerfully and with a smile on my face, because B— experiences another shame spiral if she perceives someone to be cleaning around her in a bad mood.

I don't know where I'm going with this. I don't know what to do. I don't know if this relationship is sustainable in the long-term without some serious outside help. I don't know if we can afford that help. I don't know if I can continue to operate in this cycle of stress-paralysis without losing some sense of who I am. I don't know if B— still loves me. I just want to go back to when this felt easy. Our bedroom is all but dead. We don't "yes and" any more. The honeymoon period ended a long time ago, and I'm afraid that what we're left with is just an unhealthily attached relationship where neither of us feels able to lean on the other or to communicate our needs in a safe way. I'm terrified that I'm going to lose her and my step-children. We feel completely stuck in this rut, and I don't know the way out. I feel like I can't come to B— with problems, because she won't engage with them if there is any onus on her to work on herself. I miss the woman I asked to marry me.

This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

This is the first Tildes Book Club Discussion for 2026 and the twentyfirst overall. We are discussing Fire on the Mountain by Bissen. At the end of February we will discuss The Truth by Terry Pratchett.

This is the first time that I as your coordinator have not finished the book myself. It was not my cup of tea and I might or might not add my impressions to the discussion.

I don't have a particular format in mind for this discussion, but I will post some prompts and questions as comments to get things started. You're not obligated to respond to them or vote on them though. So feel free to make your own top-level comment for whatever you wish to discuss, questions you have of others, or even just to post a review of the book you have written yourself.

For latecomers, don't worry if you didn't read the book in time for this Discussion topic. You can always join in once you finish it. Tildes Activity sort, and "Collapse old comments" feature should keep the topic going for as long as people are still replying.

And for anyone uninterested in this topic please use the Ignore Topic feature on this so it doesn't keep popping up in your Activity sort, since it's likely to keep doing that while I set this discussion up, and once people start joining in.

I'm currently running Kubuntu in VMware on a Windows 11 host. I was on Windows 10 but was getting lots of display/graphical issues after pulling my desktop out of storage and I didn't qualify for extended support updates and just felt like I needed to eliminate all driver and software issues by reinstalling OS clean. At that point I figured I might as well go to Win 11, so I used rufus and did a clean install without a Microsoft account.

I feel like I need Windows for gaming, even with Proton compatibility on Linux I still expect I'd have some issues with some games and my desktop is my primary gaming system so I just want something that works. But like many others I don't like the direction Microsoft has gone with Windows so I'd really like to adapt to using Linux otherwise. I considered dual booting but I did have an issue with my system where the motherboard had 30+ second long boot times. Like it had nothing to do with my SSD or OS install, the Asus AM4 TUF x570-Plus motherboard boot time was just excessively long and seems other people reported that as well and there was no UEFI/bios update that fixed it. So I really didn't want to dual boot and wait 30+ seconds switching between OSes, that's just not fluid enough for how I wanted to use them. I really want the Windows install to just be gaming only basically or anything I can't get working in Linux.

So that's how I arrived to running Kubuntu in VMware Workstation Pro. I tried Hyper-V first but had issues and bailed on it. Initially I had audio issues with it in VMware but I found a reddit post that linked to the fix, prior to that, ChatGPT was happy to lead me down rabbit holes to nowhere. I do have a few browser issues with video playback, tried in Vivaldi and Firefox, video and audio are in sync but video is choppy and can't keep up with fast motion. It's otherwise acceptable for basic video playback so it's not really a huge issue for me. I tried playing videos in VLC and did not experience any issues so it is capable of smooth video playback in some circumstances on this setup. I have my own Plex server installed on another system but the Plex Linux application just won't work for me, at best it would produce choppy video if I installed from snap but the flatpak install just won't play anything back properly.

The other thing I couldn't quite resolve but mostly resolved is that in my Win 11 host, I have resolution set at 2560x1440 but I can't get that option in my Kubuntu VM. I currently have it as 2048x1152 which is as close as I can get while keeping 16:9 ratio. It will offer resolution options above my host system but not 16:9. I then stretch this to fill screen and run it in exclusive mode so it's basically like my primary desktop interface, but it would be nice if the resolution was better as I can tell it's slightly stretched, text isn't as crisp as it should be.

I will say, I'm quite impressed with how far Linux has come from when I last tried it as a daily driver 10-15 years ago. I added flathub as part of the app discovery repository so I can get many applications through that. I've had a few that I couldn't, scrcpy was outdated there so I had to follow some command line copy/paste script to install that and Vivaldi wasn't available either. Vivaldi did have a .deb file which I guess works like an .exe in Windows, because I just had to click to install, so that's nice. I still think I had to run something to add Vivaldi to app repository so it would keep it updated if I understand how that worked anyhow.

The Kubuntu VM does seem to destabilize quite a bit over time, it's already locked up on me a couple times, but I think it could be a RAM issue, so I've dedicated 12GB of RAM to it right now (it was at 8GB before). If it continues to happen then I guess that reinforces I'm doing something wrong or need to go in a different direction.

I've noticed my boot times have improved, I don't know when this happened, but now the boot times are about 15-20 seconds (I check the BIOS boot time in Startup tab on Windows task manager, but I've timed it and it matches actual time). Still seems kinda long to me but maybe it's fast enough to dual boot now, not sure.

I guess before I commit to anything too heavily, I was curious if what I'm doing now is not very wise or if there's something better I should try. With my bios boot time where it is now, I'd possibly consider dual booting as then I could probably just set up games that work in Linux. At that point, I wonder if I could/should use SteamOS or stick with Kubuntu or something else? Is SteamOS capable of being used as a daily driver OS or is it better just to use for gaming machines?

Also my PC specs are
Asus AM4 TUF x570-Plus motherboard
AMD Ryzen 5 3600 6-Core Processor
32GB RAM
AMD RX-580 8GB

This topic is part of a series. It is meant to be a place for users to discuss creative projects they have been working on.

Projects can be personal, professional, physical, digital, or even just ideas.

If you have any creative projects that you have been working on or want to eventually work on, this is a place for discussing those.

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

Hey, I'm headed to San Diego in March after getting selected for a work conference. The last time I was in California was San Francisco more than a decade ago with my dad, so I'm excited to be visiting again.

The first few days will be the conference (which includes a recreational afternoon for networking, I picked the San Diego Zoo). I purposely scheduled my plane flight to be a few days after the conference ends to I can explore the city, but it'll be my first real solo trip; originally, my sister was going to tag along in my hotel room, but she had an injury and needed to drop out.

I fly in on March 18th, check out from the conference is the morning of Saturday the 21st, and I fly back home on the morning of the 24th. That gives me almost all of Saturday, and all of Sunday and Monday to explore the city.

Definitely, one of the things I want to check out is Balboa Park, though I would appreciate advice on specific museums, since I can't imagine it's possible to see even half of them in a day.

Another thing I've considered is a day trip to Tijuana to walk around. It's been a while since I had a good opportunity to practice my Spanish. Worst case scenario I can get a dental cleaning if I can't come up with any other ideas 😂.

Eating out alone isn't really something I've done before either. I think I want to do a nice sushi bar Omakase one night just to treat myself, if people have suggestions on where, and I'd love other suggestions for places to try where it wouldn't be too weird eating solo.

Does anyone have any suggestions for other things to do, places to see? Where I should stay after leaving the Marriott Marquis, since at >$500/night it's a little expensive for me? I won't be renting a car, so ideally, something either in walking distance or easily accessible via transit. I'll probably do a mix of ride shares and public transit for travel.

I'd love to hear ideas, along with what anyone else here has done in San Diego. Worst case scenario, I'm sure I'll figure it all out, but it's nice to poll the crowd sometimes.

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like alex pretti, anti ice and youtubers. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was bemused.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

I’ve been meaning to switch streaming platforms from Spotify for some time now, for many reasons. To me, it seems like good alternatives are challenging to find, so I figured I’d solicit some discussion here on Tildes to see how people like other platforms.

My Only Requirement:

• Mobile App for iOS with Offline Capability

I Strongly Prefer:

• Good Search Functionality
• Niche Artist Availability

Alternatives I’m Considering:

• Apple Music
• Bandcamp
• Tidal
• Deezer
• Qobuz

If anyone has used any of these applications, I’d love a review of the pros and cons. I’m leaning towards Bandcamp right now, but am concerned that I will fail to discover new artists because of the need to pay for albums.

What's something you grew out of/moved on from/phased out?

How do you feel about it now? Fondness? Embarassment? A nostalgic ache?

Why did you end up moving on from it?

Was it a conscious decision, or was it something that happened over time?

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

Me and my girlfriend will be in Paris for 2 nights soon. Since this is such a short trip, we'll mostly be visiting the most popular "essential" tourist attractions - so we will generally be around the center of the city. However, most advice I found online seems to agree that you probably shouldn't just enter a random restaurant in the center of Paris, because it is very likely to be a tourist trap with very high prices and relatively low quality.

So, if any of you have suggestions on good places to eat for a reasonable price, I would really appreciate that!

Also, the end of our trip happens to fall on valentine's day, and we were thinking about having a nice early dinner (late lunch? around 15:00) before we leave, preferably in a pretty place. I'm fine with spending a bit more (~50€ per person) on that one. So if you know any places that fit, please suggest those as well.

Thanks!

Does anyone have any idea on how different online translation "services" actually rank now? I was thinking about this today (after I saw the TranslateGemma announcement) and realized that I had not really updated my view on translation apps/services in quite a while.

There is Google Translate, Apple Translate, Kagi Translate, DeepL, etc., but I have no idea how these would rank, especially if it comes to different use-cases.

This is the fifteenth of an ongoing series of book discussions here on Tildes. We are discussing A House with Good Bones by T Kingfisher. Our next book will be the Heaven and Earth Grocery Store by James McBride at the end of July.

I don't have a particular format in mind for this discussion, but I will post some prompts and questions as comments to get things started. You're not obligated to respond to them or vote on them though. So feel free to make your own top-level comment for whatever you wish to discuss, questions you have of others, or even just to post a review of the book you have written yourself.

For latecomers, don't worry if you didn't read the book in time for this Discussion topic. You can always join in once you finish it. Tildes Activity sort, and "Collapse old comments" feature should keep the topic going for as long as people are still replying.
And for anyone uninterested in this topic please use the Ignore Topic feature on this so it doesn't keep popping up in your Activity sort, since it's likely to keep doing that while I set this discussion up, and once people start joining in.

My wife and I are having a baby just 1.5 months from now (hooray!). And our insurance provider, Anthem Blue Cross, is cutting coverage to our local hospital network and maternity services in 10 days (boooo!). The entire process of finding out about this (via the news, not our insurance or the hospital) and getting continued coverage has been an absolute nightmare. We jumped the hoops, sent in all the required paperwork, and even got the billing department at the hospital involved. We're still only covered if we happen to be lucky enough that the doctor who is named on the continued coverage agreement happens to be on call at the time of delivery, otherwise it'll be out of pocket to the tune of $10,000 of dollars. At this point it feels like we're betting it all on red.

The response to the United Healthcare shooting illustrated just how frustrated people of the US are in their healthcare system and I'd like to do my part to continue to keep that topic front of mind in the American psyche. I've written up a little op-ed on our experience and I was wonder if any Tilderinos have managed to get one published before. Any insight would be very welcome.

What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

Have you watched any TV shows recently you want to discuss? Any shows you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

What have you been listening to this week? You don't need to do a 6000 word review if you don't want to, but please write something! If you've just picked up some music, please update on that as well, we'd love to see your hauls :)

Feel free to give recs or discuss anything about each others' listening habits.

You can make a chart if you use last.fm:

http://www.tapmusic.net/lastfm/

Remember that linking directly to your image will update with your future listening, make sure to reupload to somewhere like imgur if you'd like it to remain what you have at the time of posting.

After deciding to get back into the gym after a long hiatus, I was shopping around my area and trying to decide between Crunch or LA Fitness, each for about $40/mo, plus steep initiation fees and annual fees. Searching for a way to get a discounted rate, I stumbled across One Pass Select, offered by my health insurer, United Healthcare. While I was fully prepared to dunk on United, because of how often Dr. Glaucomflecken does, this particular member benefit turned out to be pretty great.

One Pass Select essentially functions as a gym aggregator, offering multiple memberships for one flat rate. So rather than paying Crunch or LA Fitness $40/mo and being subjected to their terms/conditions, I pay One Pass Select $36/mo and get access to:

• Crunch
• LA Fitness
• Anytime Fitness
• Workout Anytime

And a handful of other gyms I haven't signed up for, because they're not convenient to me. Four gym memberships for $36/mo is pretty cool. Plus if I ever want to cancel, I just cancel my One Pass Select membership from their website, instead of having to sacrifice a squirrel on the 8th day of the sabbath under a blood moon while chanting gregorian monk (the level of difficulty it felt like the last time I wanted to cancel a gym membership).

A quick Google indicates that other insurers offer similar programs:

• UHC has One Pass Select
• Cigna/BCBS/Kaiser have Active&Fit Direct
• BCBS also has Fitness Your Way
• Aetna has GlobalFit

This was a great find for me, that I'd never even heard of before. Sharing it to hopefully benefit someone else, as well!

What projects would you think would interest my daughters the most? The oldest is 11 years, super creative and builds the most intricate stuff out of plain paper, tape and cardboard. I have learned programming from about her age, but feel like software would not catch her attention the same way hardware would. They already experiment with programming and microbits in school (what a truly lucky generation!!!).

I am looking for stuff that is not too complicated/expensive that it will just collect dust on a shelf because it took a lot of time to build. Specifically I would like to try something that could be dismantled and reused for other projects. Maybe a barcode scanner or something that has a connection with real life applications.

Previously Tildes have had a few discussions on good quality Youtube channels one, two, but I couldn’t find a recent discussion.
I would be interested in peoples recommendations!
Personally I would like to get recommendations for intermediate/harder science or engineering videos. Most are too basic, or very dry lecture based. I know a few good ones like:

• 3blue1brown
• Smarter every day
• Looking Glass Universe

But I would like to know other people’s favourites (including non science ones)!

I’m a software engineer. I graduated in 2021 so I’ve only been one for around 4.5 years and definitely still feel fairly entry-level (at least, any time I look at jobs, the number of years of experience required for “senior” positions seems to have increased by one) and it feels like companies don’t particularly want anyone without a lot of experience anymore (and every time I do look at new jobs, the number of years required for “senior” positions seems to have increased by one). Meanwhile, I think it has its uses but I don’t actually enjoy using it. I want to solve problems and think and write code, not talk to an AI and become a full-time code-reviewer. My company is rebranding to have AI in the name shortly and, since early December, have been forcing us into 2+ hour long AI trainings once or twice a week. A lot of my coworkers seem like they’ve drank the Kool-Aid and are talking about new models and shit all the time and I just don’t get it.

I guess I’m kind of rambling but I just feel weird about all of it. I want to program but I don’t just want to use (or be forced to use) LLMs for everything, yet it seems like companies are just trying to get rid of actually human software engineers as fast as they can. I’ll even admit, Claude is way better than I expected, but I don’t actually enjoy sitting there typing “do this for me” and then having to just spend time reviewing code. I don’t know. I don’t think this is really even me asking for advice, just a rant, but yeah, just felt like I had to get something out there, I guess.

I’m a highly creative person with strong execution skills on the makers side of things, design, fabrication, ideation, problem-solving. Where I consistently fall down is follow-through when working solo: logistics, setup, listings, shipping, scheduling, the last-mile admin that turns finished work into something that actually exists in the world.

I have a lot of very good monetizable ideas and skills, and I LOVE the creative part, but I just flounder at the rest.

I've joked in the past about needing a manager, someone who tells me what to make and how much of it, and I just make the deadlines and they ship, but more and more recently I've realized that might be exactly what I need.

Recently I've been doing some free design and branding work for a local indigenous restaurant and despite not getting paid for it, I LOVED doing it. And I've been getting asked about why I don't do it for other businesses too, as I have the experience and skills to, and it's like I would but the freelance aspect of having to find my own clients and stuff is just daunting.

And same thing with a couple ideas I've had that utilize 3D Printing and 3D design. I have a product idea that would fit a perfect niche that isn't currently being filled by any big players, as well as a monetization and resale license plan, but it's the execution.

When left to my own devices I kind of just fizzle out.

And I have a lot of designs and artwork that can absolutely translate to clothing and apparel, and I used to have a very active redbubble / society6 presence.

Like I know body-doubling is a really good ADHD hack that works, but I'm not sure how to body double something like this, but I would if I could.

So I guess I'm asking if anyone else has had to deal with this or if anyone has had to hire a creative partner/assistant/manager, and if so how'd that go and what is that like? Also where do I even go to find a person like that?

What have you been doing lately for your own fitness? Try out any new programs or exercises? Have any questions for others about your training? Want to vent about poor behavior in the gym? Started a new diet or have a new recipe you want to share? Anything else health and wellness related?

Recently I bought a mp3 player and I want to know the best place to buy mp3s (or similar). Biggest priority is things that are in Swedish and stories for kids . Maybe the things I want there counts as audio books, some of it, but not all I think? All input is good :).

Thought I'd share, especially while many of us are still waiting for Formula 1.

Schedule, starting grid, and other info.

Starts today at 1:40p EST (18:40 UTC). Literally just started as of this post.

In the US, I think it's on Peacock and NBC. Internationally (or with a VPN...) it can be viewed on YouTube.

I don't watch a lot of endurance racing, but I do try to watch the 24hr races like Spa and Le Mans. I've yet to stay up a whole 24hrs, and I doubt this year's Rolex 24 will be different for me, but it's a fun little challenge!

This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?

I’m reading Stephen Kings The Dark Tower series and I’m on Wizard and Glass, and I absolutely hate it. I’m half way through now and I’m wondering if I should skip the book and read the Wikipedia page because it’s just making me angry.

I like the rest of the series and really want to see where it ends up but this book is awful, it started out good with the riddle contest but the flashback with Susan I hate every single part of and it’s making me shout at the book angry. I’m halfway through now and I can tell there is a lot being set up for a big battle and a crazy ending, but I can’t stand whatever you want to call what’s happening with Susan, her aunt, and the mayor. Should I power through or call it?

EDIT: Just called it, got to Part 3: Chapter 3. Really needed a good editor, if they cut out the sexual stuff, it could’ve been a good book, but I’m getting to physically angry to keep reading this. It’s awful. I’m going to tell myself it has a Girl with the Dragon Tattoo ending where everyone gets tormented.

When I mean underrated I mean underrated. Few self-imposed rules on this: no movies that had big award nominations and no movies that have above a 60% on RT.

1. Amsterdam (2022)

Directed by David O. Russell, this movie never had a chance. Post-metoo O. Russell is persona non grata. However, this film continue his trajectory that he had with the Jennifer Lawrence trilogy (Silver Linings Playbook, American Hustle, and Joy). Which analyze American perseverance in the face of hopelessness.

The main characters here played by Christian Bale, Margot Robbie, and John David Washington are all a found family of outsiders who don’t fit anywhere else but with each other.

The film was savaged by film critics, earning a 31% on RottenTomatoes. In spite of film critics having their knives out for O. Russell, it is one of the most prescient films of the decade about the rise of fascism in the U.S. And contains perhaps the best performance of Margot Robbie’s career.

2. A Rainy Day in New York (2020)

Originally scheduled for release in 2018 by Amazon, as part of their now rescinded deal with Woody Allen, the film was shelved for close to two years before becoming widely available during the pandemic.

The last Hollywood film Allen ever made stars Timothee Chalamet, Selena Gomez, Elle Fanning, Jude Law, Liev Schreiber, and Diego Luna.

Once again, in a post-Metoo landscape, the film received a 47% on RottenTomatoes. One imagines that if this released prior to 2017 it would receive similar positive notices to Allen’s first Amazon film Cafe Society.

The film plays sweet and comforting, like much of Allen’s work. Chalamet makes an excellent Woody replacement (makes you wonder how many films they would have done together under different circumstances). And the chemistry between Chalamet and Gomez is wonderful, it is also probably the best performance Gomez will ever give.

3. The Greatest Beer Run Ever (2022)

On the topic of vengeful film critics, Peter Farrelly’s follow up to his Best Picture winner Green Book received a 43% on RottenTomatoes. Critics were not-so-subtlety punishing Farrelly for beating the critical darling Roma for the industry’s top prize.

It’s a beautifully shot Vietnam war drama with an incredibly layered and empathetic performance from Zac Efron. It blends comedy and drama much like its predecessor Jojo Rabbit. It’s never boring and gets criticized for “insensitivity” for whatever reason.

4. Cry Macho (2021)

Likely to be Clint Eastwood’s final lead performance, Cry Macho received a 57% on RottenTomatoes.

The film sees Eastwood do what he does best. Deconstruct masculinity through the lens of Americana, with the added element of the impending death that comes with old age.

The type of crowd-pleaser Eastwood specialized in and which was broadly better received thirty years ago.

5. The Strangers: Chapter Two (2025)

A bizarre follow up to the near shot for shot remake that was The Stranger: Chapter One. The film throws you off completely from any expectations you might have had for a horror sequel.

The lowest rated of these films at 15% on RT, it’s an energetic chase film that doesn’t let down and somehow tries to also be The Revenant. Gonzo choices are made here that somehow work as pure entertainment. And it’s anchored by a genuinely good performance by Madeline Petsch. It will be a cult classic with horror fans in a few years.

Has anybody tried these? I just ordered a Silent Mammoth... which is essentially a coat hanger bent all fancy. It arrives in a few days.

Anyway, anybody have any experience with these sorts of things? I went with this one purely because its metal and I don't want to have some ten-use plastic to recycle if this whole thing leads to improvement.

I don't have sleep apnea but I do think my cute button nose could use a little opening. :)

What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

Despite vaccination, it seems I got the 'flu (not terrible so far).

I have my own non-prescription comforts and remedies for the sore throat, cough, upset stomach, fever, aches, and so on:

• Ginger, lemon, and honey tea
• Ricola cough drops, zinc lozenges
• PeptoBismol or TheraFlu (if I want to be knocked out)
• Scorching hot shower with eucalyptus or lavender oil
• Chicken broth with rice and thyme
• Electric heated mattress pad cranked up to high

There's little peer-reviewed evidence that any of these make a difference in the course of illness. There's marginal data on the effectiveness of ginger as an antinausea remedy, zinc as an immune booster in people who aren't deficient, and eucalyptus, lavender, and thyme oil components as antiseptics/antibiotics/topical anesthetics/cough suppressants. I'll be the first to concede that I practice all these remedies to give me the illusion of control of suffering, and comforting self-care.

I'm curious as to what home remedies others have tried, why, and how effective or comforting you think they've been.

Has a medical professional ever recommended a non-prescription remedy (not counting Tylenol/acetaminophen) or activity to you for a viral or bacterial infection, or told you to stop a home remedy? Did they give a reason why?

Is there a family, folklore, or alternative medicine tradition that you're following?

Does your home remedy make you feel like you're more comfortable and/or in greater control of your health?

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like bubbles.ai, transgender and world economic forum. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was befuddled.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

My special interest of late has been something called https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Orchestrated_objective_reduction the TL;DR is:

1. One of, if not the, most missing piece of quantum mechanics is answering the question "what is measurement"? You've probably heard of things like the double slit experiment which lead to weird things like quantum erasure where one can seemingly cause a photon to retroactively determine which path to take. Spooky stuff! However, these experiments all follow the basic idea of "when something is entangled, it follows probabilistic rules defined by the schrodinger equation, then a 'measurement' happens, and the entanglement 'collapses' and only a single, 'real' value is well defined"
2. Roger Penrose, a nobel prize winning physicist, has, since the 1980s been arguing that because entanglement implies that a particle exists in two places at once prior to measure that this places gravitational pressure on the fabric of spacetime in two places at once and that measurement is a gravitational event where spacetime "heals" itself by collapsing the wave form, and making it so the particle is finally only in one place.
   Penrose further expanded this, to enormous controversy, that consciousess itself is a measurement event. He wrote a book, "The Emperor's New Mind" then a follow-up "Shadows of the Mind", neither of which I've read, but have had summarized to further develop these arguments.
3. This was, for lack of a better term, a crackpot theory. There wasn't anything testable or falsifiable so it was brushed aside. Crucially, to the point it gets its own paragraph,
   The overwhelming opinion of the physics community, to this day, believes that quantum coherence is not possible in "wet, warm, noisy" environments like the brain.
   It is, to this day, believed that, the quantum world is a thing that happens only at extremely small scales, and that's why quantum computers all start with the assumption of cooling the material to near absolute zero with as few additional perturbations as possible.
4. However, there were 2 findings I find extremely motivating to combat this assertion. First, leaves. Leaves are quantum objects and photosynthesis is too efficient to be explained by classical mechanics alone: https://berkeleysciencereview.com/article/2021/11/30/plants-do-the-wave/ Second, birds. Birds that use the magnetosphere for orientation do so by becoming quantumly coherent with the ions in the magnetophere using a protein in their eyes so they literally see the earth's magnetic field using the blue cones of their eyes https://mitadmissions.org/blogs/entry/birds-are-real-and-so-is-quantum-physics/
5. Enter Stuart Hameroff. Hameroff was a working anesthesiology for some 20 odd years. He read The Emperor's New Mind and reached out to Penrose. He, of course, was very intimately aware of the deep biological processes that make the different between a conscious, aware, thinking human being, and a piece of meat that can be safely operated on. He believed that https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Microtubule structures in the neurons were responsible for consciousness.
   After further research, they both began to believe that these microtubule structures in human neurons were capable of what others believed were impossible.
   Quantum coherence in a wet, warm, noisy environment.
6. This was still crackpottery until quite literally (IMO) last year. A group of biological researchers showed experimentally that the exact networks of tryptophan microtubule structures in neurons do exhibit super radiance (the same kind of quantum coherence leaves show) https://pubs.acs.org/doi/10.1021/acs.jpcb.3c07936

To me, this is the most exciting piece of science I think I've seen in my life. The implication is that human (and other) consciousnesses are literally a byproduct of our ability to maintain and calculate quantum states in a wet, warm, noisy environment. It feels like a genuine push for us to finally move past the age of information, past the age of computation, and into the age of consciousness.

Another aspect of this is I really, deeply, believe that the substrate necessary for AGI is either necessarily biological, or, at the very least, can only be done efficiently in a biological substrate. Notably, a human brain takes 20 watts to exhibit generalized intelligence. No nuclear reactors running data centers, just a Twix bar. This last bit I honestly leave mostly as a point of discussion, because there's an enormous amount of interesting implications and avenues thereof.

What y'all Tildeans make of this? Anyone else been thinking about this kind of stuff?

Just curious if anyone other Tildes users out there are fans of the Dresden Files novels and might have read the latest, Twelve Months. It just released a few days ago and I just couldn't put it down.

I do want to keep my review spoiler free, but I think this is the best book in the series in awhile.

Wondering if anyone else had thoughts!

Inspired by @Fiachra's question in this post, I wanted to asked the broader tildes community: What are some of your favourite historic anecdotes or stories? The original question is more narrow, but I'm honestly curious to hear any fun or intriguing ones from any period of history.

Re-posting what I responded there:
OH man, time to share my favourite example of how one person being an asshole changed history: Shah Muhammad II of Khwarazm. The Khwarazmian Empire was roughly the Persian/Iranian Empire from 1077–1231. A massive, rich, culturally leading Empire at the centre of the Silk Road.

Genghis Khan, seeking to increase trade in preparation for his invasion of China, sent envoys to Khwarazm to ask to open trade. The Shah, in his supreme arrogance, decided these smelly Mongols insulted him by their very presence, and had them executed. Genghis, who very famously established the Imperial Mongol tradition of absolute protection for envoys, was furious. And yet, focused on his goal, he sent a SECOND group of envoys to demand an explanation and try to smooth things over. And the Shah executed them too. This pissed Genghis and his leadership off so much they paused the invasion of China, and launched a punitive expedition to conquer Persia/Khwarazm. I want to stress again that the records we have make it clear that the Mongols at this point had no interest in going further West. They were very focused on achieving victory over their arch-nemeses in China.

Within two years the entire Empire had fallen, the Shah was dead, and its fabulously rich cities torched and massacred. Following this, the Mongols realized they could continue to press on and ended up invading the rest of the Islamic world, famously including the destruction of Baghdad, the world's finest city of learning and culture at that point. The fall of Baghdad is widely considered to be the end of the Islamic Golden Age. Estimates of deaths in the Islamic World vary widely, but it is undeniable that many of the most populous and prosperous cities from the Mediterranean to the Caspian Sea were totally destroyed and depopulated. All because one jackass decided he couldn't be bothered to take some smelly Mongols seriously.

Also, I have no idea what to tag this, sorry lol.

Hello,

I want to pick your brains for recommendations for good, cheap e-book bundles. I buy a lot of my e-books the old fashioned way, one at a time, but Humble Bundle book bundles has scored me a ton of great reading for cheap, including the entire Wheel of Time series, the entirety of Discworld, lots of Comic and Manga bundles, and such, usually for $18 a bundle which is a crazy discount. I'm very happy with them and will continue to refresh their bundles regularly, but my desire to hoard books is great and I'd love to know if there's any similar sites out there regularly offering those kinds of sales.

My only strict requirement is said books have to be either DRM-Free or (the very trivially-cracked) Adobe DRM. I'm also looking specifically to purchase books, I know libraries etc are really cool (and also easy to crack) but I get a lot of enjoyment from owning the books I own (and don't feel good about cracking library copies, I don't judge anyone else for doing so but I'm privileged to have the ability to easily afford my books and figure I should do my part, even if my part is heavily discounted ha).

As an aside, for anyone who doesn't already know, humble bundle normally has at least half a dozen book bundles at any given time, and there's some crazy value on occasion (see above), would highly recommend if you're into ebooks!