That is it. Just a personal post, a personal story, or a useless rant. You decide. Everyone knows men are bad at friendship. I know I am bad at friendship. There seems to be an invisible wall around each man. I had the hurtful experience of learning that some friendships are transactional. They last as long as both parties have something to gain from each other.

Many years ago, certainly more than a decade, I met this young fellow at a production van for a film we were both working on. He was a low-level production assistant; I was a script supervisor. He was an aspiring writer and learned that I was a screenwriter. I offered to teach him what I knew about screenwriting for free. I was a student myself, so it didn’t make sense for me to charge for lessons. He came to my house a few times, and I told him everything I knew. Loglines, storylines, outlines, structure, format. The works. It was awesome.

For many years he sent me his originals (usually short stories), which I reviewed diligently, as others had done for me in the past. One day, after reading one of his stories, I told him something along the lines of "You have surpassed me and I have nothing left to teach you. I will still read your stuff if you want, but now you will read my stuff as well because I want your advice." And I meant it.

Years passed, and we no longer read each other’s originals. I don’t know why; it just happened. He still visited me regularly, especially for lunches and dinners with my family (as Brazilians, the dividing line between family and friendships is either thin or nonexistent).

COVID happened, taking a slice of everyone’s personal history. I moved out of the family home, got married, had a kid. In the meantime, he sent me a message asking for help. He was depressed, paranoid, scared to leave the house. I visited him the next day and gave all the advice I had accumulated from being a psychiatric patient for the last 20 years or so.

After that I occasionally sent him messages asking how he was. Sometimes he answered. When my son was born, I sent him a picture and asked him to come visit. He responded but never came. I kept inviting him, making it clear that it was important for him to be a part of my life in that new phase. I invited him to the first birthday of my son. He answered with an emoji. He didn’t come. The last message I sent him was two weeks ago. Seen. No response.

He has an online presence, and I can see that he takes part in multiple social events related to his career as a writer. Book launches, lectures, online talks, academic events. Surrounded by people, calmly smiling and perfectly content. There are videos for a lot of that stuff.

Although the last time we talked he was emphatic that he was much better and able to work, it is conceivable that he is unwell. But it is hard to reconcile that with the fact that he seems quite capable of socializing with everyone except me.

Everyone, it seems, who is instrumental to his career. Which I no longer am.

That fucking hurts.

Is this just something men do? Is he scared of catching fatherhood from me like it's the flu? Is this an expression of his ideas of masculinity?

I'll never know because he doesn't answer, and if he did, he would never talk about that because men don't talk about anything that matter.

When I won my first grant as a screenwriter 18 years ago, I hired him as an assistant and we traveled together to a remote location where I thought I would be able to concentrate on my writing. He was supposed to help me and he did, even if a lot of what he did was just talk to me all day. That probably helped more than anything he could do in regard to the actual writing. And now I am asking myself, was that wonderful friendship-building experience just a paycheck for him?

I am ending this. I am ending this even if he does not realize. That is incredibly demeaning and I feel tired. Whatever the reason for him drifting apart, it is not for me to resolve. If someday he finds a reason to reach out, even if it is transactional in nature, I will be there for him. For now, I must say, it's goodbye, old friend.

I’m starting a new 5e campaign with some friends, and I think I have some performance anxiety. I’m not the most creative person, and the last thing I want to do is kill the fun. The only other time I've played a ttrpg was years ago in high school.

I’m curious what you all have found detracts from a session as well as any advice that enhances the experience for everyone.

tl;dr After 2 grueling days of mucking about I finally have KDE + Wayland + Nvidia working on Debian 13 (Trixie).

I started with Ubuntu 24. It just works, right? To its credit, it does. I didn't need to do anything to have it work out of the box. Nvidia was magically installed (even with secure boot enabled).

Gnome woes

But then Gnome would rename and re-encode images I dragged/dropped to "Dropped Image.png" from Firefox. Wouldn't even do that in Chromium. Can't tell if it's a bug, or "what's the use-case" scenario, but this behavior is a deal-breaker.

Not Kubuntu

Why not Kubuntu then? It doesn't do the same magic that Ubuntu does when it comes to Nvidia.

OpenSUSE almost

Latest and greatest whilst being supposedly stable. It took a while to get used to YaST and "patterns", but it was easy to install Nvidia drivers (zypper inr). But, naturally, there was an issue. I was able to boot, but into a very tiny resolution (on Wayland). After some thinking, I came to the conclusion that I was booting into my "integrated" GPU (on the CPU). Don't know why. Eventually I ran into prime-select boot nvidia and it worked. But then Steam (flatpak) wouldn't launch a game (loaded for a sec, then stopped). I was tired.

Debian & Nvidia driver woes

I always liked Debian. I use 12 at work for development and as a container base image. Seeing that 13 (Trixie) is on the horizon, I decided to give it a go for personal use. Surely the packages it ships with have been written in the last decade.

I followed their docs for Nvidia drivers. But I couldn't boot (no login screen) after installing. Apparently there's a bug with the driver and my GPU (3080) that Nvidia isn't going to fix. So I went and used Nvidia's installer instead to get the latest version. It worked without a hitch. The next kernel update will be interesting I imagine.

Final thoughts

Honestly, Linux feels like it's always a decade away for things to be stable enough to not require any tinkering for your average layman. I'm not the kind of person to muck with custom configs/etc.
I want things as vanilla as possible because I know it's a matter of when it breaks, not if.

Ubuntu feels the closest to the "it just works" experience IMO. I would've stuck with it if not for Gnome.

Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

I was having a conversation that made me go "damn the Romans for using up all the herbal birth control." Normally I'm not interested in doing time travel because I am too queer, loud, non-binary, woman coded, etc. to not get some sort of societal consequence in most of history. Also I like modern medicine and such. But, it got me thinking about how it'd be cool to be able to bring a large silphium plant back from before it went extinct.

Obviously I have no idea of the efficacy of silphium for medicinal purposes but it would be super cool to be able to grow it, sequence the DNA, and try to reintroduce it, even if only in gardens. And maybe it's actually even effective medically.

So what would you bring back?

Caveats:

• You must be able to carry the thing
• The thing will not age when traveling forward in time but you'll be able to demonstrate that you brought it from the past.
• It should be one "thing." If that "thing" is made up of multiple smaller things (not atoms ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ)... Well, if you're trying to loophole then you're on thin ice, but if a reasonable case could be made, then make it and let your fellow Tildese judge you.
• You can't bring anything back in time besides yourself, your clothes and your time machine remote control button.
• You cannot bring a person to the present. An animal that you personally can carry, and that will let you carry it, is up to you.
• ˗ˏˋ Bonus Style Points ˎˊ˗ (there are no points) for presenting your historical artifact in old timey Victorian gentleman inventor/traveler/archaeologist fashion, should the mood take you.

Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like psychology.social, adhd and words. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was documenting these.

But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

Hello to everyone who's reading this post :)

Now LLMs are increasingly so useful (of course after careful review of their generated answers), but I'm concerned about sharing my data, especially very personal questions and my thought process to these large tech giants who seem to be rather sketchy in terms of their privacy policy.

What are some ways I can keep my data private but still harness this amazing LLM technology? Also what are some legitimate and active forums for discussions on this topic? I have looked at reddit but haven't found it genuinely useful or trustworthy so far.

I am excited to hear your thoughts on this!

I am arguing here in regards to personally owned hw.

I personally think that the arguments in recent years were very heavily skewed in support of this and I would like to propose here counterarguments that I don't feel are considered enough are when I see this come up in various places. Or at least not said enough.

First and foremost what forcibly pushing updates actually means is the developer being given blank check to change the functionality of your device in any way they please. In case of various locked down hw such as smart things, game consoles, tvs, ereaders or others there is often not even a choice to use different sw because it is artificially blocked. Only real check against negative effects of this is legislation and potential of enough public outrage to impact future sales. From the state of various mainstream sw products it can be seen how well it works.

It creates a culture where pushing anti features is significantly easier and tech literacy is significantly harder to attain if only as a secondary effect of less transparent, more obtuse and more complicated systems, frequently with no actual need for more complexity which is not rooted in desire to increase monetization.

It also means it is harder as a user to guard against faulty updates.

Normalization of this behavior also means that any can do this with no pushback because it is the fabled default, the one where fundamental flaws are brushed aside while alternatives are rejected over cosmetic problems.
There could be argument meant for critical parts of critical sw such as os or browser, but if so it should be made individually and not be implicit. There is usually no meaningful individual control over feature updates, not just security ones. I also don't think forced updates for games on Steam for example can be argued to be something that benefits security.

I learned to play piano when I was pretty young and my parents wanted me to learn an instrument. Real acoustic piano, music theory, private tutor, recitals, the works. I stopped playing after high school and my lessons ended though, mainly since it felt like it was just another chore and I wasn't enjoying it or playing pieces of my own volition. It's been over a decade since then and most of my free time has been in video games instead. The piano's still there but it's been just another piece of furniture for the most part. I've never seriously considered dusting it off and trying it again, and I'm pretty sure I've forgotten everything I've learned at this point.

Recently though, I got the chance to play Taiko no Tatsujin in an arcade for the first time while in Japan and I enjoyed it a lot despite being a total amateur, and I wanted to go back and play more to get better. That's when a thought crossed my mind - if I could gamify piano playing too, wouldn't that be a good way to trick myself into learning and enjoying piano again?

So I did some digging into what gamified piano software was around now, and Piano Marvel seemed to be the one most suited for being both beginner friendly and also for sight reading. The software itself offers a fair bit of beginner content for free, with the more advanced stuff behind a subscription. You can also connect it to a digital piano to track key presses and score your performance, which is the important gamification part that sets it apart from me just pulling up some YouTube tutorials and trying to follow them.

So I did some digging into digital pianos to see what would work for me learning and budget wise. From what I could glean off of various subreddit and other forum posts, if the end goal is to learn piano and not keyboard, an 88-key with weighted keys is the only thing that comes close, which bumps the cost up to a minimum of about 400 USD for the cheapest decent one, a Yamaha P45. If I didn't have a piano that cost would be fine, but I do and it most definitely sounds better, I just can't connect it to software or plug headphones into it so I don't bother my family if I'm playing at night, and I kind of want both of those. I'm also slightly concerned that my parents might be a bit upset if I do get a keyboard since, again, there's a perfectly good acoustic piano right there that they definitely paid more than 400 bucks for, though I imagine they'd be happy to just see me take an interest in learning piano again.

The most important part of this is that I actually commit to it and play regularly, since it'll all be for nought if I lose interest or turn it into a chore again and stop playing after a few weeks or months. I don't know if a gamified piano software will actually do that for me or if I just don't actually like playing piano after all, but I would like some thoughts. Is there other good software for relearning piano in a fun way? Any keyboard recommendations, preferably not too expensive? Am I being a coward and should I just use my acoustic piano instead?

I usually generate ebooks in two ways. One is to export directly from Emacs Org-Mode with ox-epub. That doesn't give me a lot of control and export options are a bit of a crapshoot. Sometimes they work, sometimes they don't. The other is to export from Org-Mode to either odt or docx and use Libreoffice Writer to export to EPUB. I will then open the ebook on Calibre to fix the metadata, the table of contents., and generate a cover.

That works fine for my personal use, but in the near future I may need to generate an ebook that looks proper and professional. I don't even know what "proper and professional" really means for an ebook, but I assume there must be tools and practices that are universally recomended that I am not following.

Hence the question: are there "pro" tools for authoring ebooks? Are there any rules, standards, workflows, or guidelines I should be following? If those exist, where can I find tutorials and documentation on how to generate the best books?

EDIT: I use Windows and Linux.

Thanks!

I've been considering going back to school and taking some courses that are available to me. With the associates that I already have, I was weighing the options that I have available to me. Computer Science is a classic and could probably get me very far with the "need a piece of paper" folks, but it's more software development than I have a passion for, compared to my troubleshooting, find a problem, solve a problem desires. Cybersecurity is probably going to be more dependent on certs than anything I can learn in a class, especially if it's ever evolving and a degree can be outmoded very quickly. Computer Information Systems sort of has my attention because it seems like an IT based degree with elements of a business setup and not as laser focused on coding. With the courses that I currently have under my belt, it would be more for CIS than it would be for CS, but more CLEP and ACE options so it about evens out.

Does Computer Information Systems hold any water in any of your opinions to what Computer Science has to offer? Or is it somewhat arbitrary anyway?

One of the tags that I almost always remember to include in my posts here on Tildes is the author.authorname tags. I wonder which author is cited the most through the tagging system here on Tildes. I know that journalists in ~society show up a lot, but there are also quite a few repeat authors in ~games

Just a quick PSA, if anyone noticed massive amounts of shows disappeared from Netflix the past week or two. Apparently they're getting stricter with VPN detection, and blocking per region licensed shows if we're on VPN.

I sometimes feel like I am the only person who loses interest in a video game as soon as I have to spend any amount of time consulting an online guide or wiki to figure out how to progress.

Maybe it’s because I grew up playing games like Super Mario 64 and Ocarina of Time, along with their equivalents and sequels on the Gamecube, and later the Wii. I got either to 100% completion or close to on those, without getting any outside help.

The games themselves made it very clear what the objectives were and what collectibles and unlockables were available.

But at some point in recent years, it just became impossible to play a video game without having to consult a guide or a wiki to figure out not just how to progress in it, but sometimes even how to play it. 💀

And a good year ago or so, I began to subconsciously fight against this, because it annoyed me to no end. I began to just take breaks from a game if I couldn’t figure out how to progress, rather than go online and read some guide or wiki, because it was making me feel like I was wasting my time reading about the game, rather than just playing it, taking me out of the immersion in the process.

You know what? I’m making this a resolution. If I can’t figure out how to progress in a game on my own, then I just won’t. I’ll go play something else.

I have recently played some indie games where I needed zero assistance, and boy did it feel good to figure those games out on my own. Those are the best games (for me), games that “explain themselves”.

Anyone else feel similarly?

Tangentially related side note: I hate, hate, hate “Fandom” wikis. They’re probably a big part of the reason why I began to hate consulting online guides. They’re impossible to navigate, are riddled with ads, and link to unrelated content, everywhere on their pages. There is a good alternative to these for some Nintendo franchises, which are independent wikis, in case anyone is as frustrated by the Fandom slop as I am.