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    1. Avoidant personality disorder vs (covert) narcissist accusations

      Hey all, Recently I've had a really dark period from (ab)using drugs to hide from the pain and feel good about myself. Friends noticed me becoming distant and needlessly shouting into the (social...

      Hey all,

      Recently I've had a really dark period from (ab)using drugs to hide from the pain and feel good about myself. Friends noticed me becoming distant and needlessly shouting into the (social media) void.
      One friend wrote me a long message about all these things and his conclusion was that he thought I might be a narcissist. I broke down entirely, the following days were a roller coaster ride of trying to deal with it with high and lows, talking to friends if they also noticed these things but ultimately I couldn't shake the feeling that I had to give in to my friend's accusation to mend our now wounded relationship. People pleasing is in my nature and putting others in front of my own needs is what I deal with and I cope with low self-esteem.

      My therapists all said that the accusations is not something they can see myself in but regardless of this I ended up having a suicide attempt. I saw myself as a bad person and that feeling became over-encumbering.

      I'm better now, and I feel closer to friends and family after some much needed talks and quitting drugs altogether.

      That said, what are your takes on the overlapping diagnoses. It made myself very paranoid and made me spiral at a low point.

      17 votes
    2. How the hell do I clean a wok?

      Tilderinos! I've been using a carbon steel wok for about two years. Whenever I have any recipe that involves throwing a sauce in - which is pretty much every stir fry I use it for - I suddenly...

      Tilderinos! I've been using a carbon steel wok for about two years. Whenever I have any recipe that involves throwing a sauce in - which is pretty much every stir fry I use it for - I suddenly have an awful time of trying to clean it afterwards. Last night after doing this it was still pretty crusty, and I'm still getting crud off as I wipe it.

      If you're not supposed to use soap to prevent ruining the patina, how do you clean it properly? I see all sorts of advice ranging from water to not using water...

      13 votes
    3. What programming/technical projects have you been working on?

      This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's...

      This is a recurring post to discuss programming or other technical projects that we've been working on. Tell us about one of your recent projects, either at work or personal projects. What's interesting about it? Are you having trouble with anything?

      11 votes
    4. Slugs - how are you coping?

      As the title says. If you're in the UK at the moment then you will invariably have a slug fest issue. The weather has been perfect for them to go crazy breeding. I'm posting this under home...

      As the title says. If you're in the UK at the moment then you will invariably have a slug fest issue. The weather has been perfect for them to go crazy breeding.

      I'm posting this under home improvement, I need to remove these pests to improve my home. They're starting to climb the house to get to the moist areas of damp located in the far roof section, and I'm in a decent sized semi-detached.

      We started with salt around the house regularly, that has helped. My veggie patch is under attack. I've tried the copper wire and tape - there are trails across it as they don't care. Yesterday, 8 beer traps arrived. I set them up, however I didn't have any beer and opted for cider and white wine. In case you are trying this, slugs don't seem to be affected by a splash of Pinot Grigio, so don't bother. However, the cider traps had double digits in both. Tonight, the same 8 traps are out with cider and after a walk around the garden, I can see they like it a lot. However, there are still hundreds of the bastard things out there.

      What are your proven methods to fend the mollusks off? Trap or pellet? Do you hunt them down and melt them in a bucket? Help!

      32 votes
    5. Personal blogging

      Hey there everyone, I've been on here since near the start, and spend too much time finding content to post on here, but I just love this place. One thing I've noticed over the years is a severe...

      Hey there everyone,

      I've been on here since near the start, and spend too much time finding content to post on here, but I just love this place. One thing I've noticed over the years is a severe lack of personal articles, blogs, or the similar and I think it's to do with the 'officialness' of a lot of the topics.

      Would it be beneficial to just have a ~blogs section, to post links and thoughts on our personal writings? Even if that includes things like ~tech or ~cooking or whatever? Just to have a central place for our articles.

      I don't mind posting my own in ~tech, but I can imagine the hesitation for everyone else as those areas feel more in-tune with "news" than personal thoughts. We have ~creative, but that feels more for artistic endeavors and projects.

      Any ideas how we might be able to encourage more topics or links to personal (small-web) blogs (either your own, or someone else's) in the culture here? We seem to be becoming more and more a news aggregator, which is great because of the relevance and discussions (best on the web) but we have no real culture for small-web indie blogging.

      48 votes
    6. Offbeat Fridays – The thread where offbeat headlines become front page news

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like reddit, crowdstrike and bethesda. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was caught...

      Tildes is a very serious site, where we discuss very serious matters like reddit, crowdstrike and bethesda. Tags culled from the highest voted topics from the last seven days, if anyone was caught unawares.

      But one of my favourite tags happens to be offbeat! Taking its original inspiration from Sir Nils Olav III, this thread is looking for any far-fetched offbeat stories lurking in the newspapers. It may not deserve its own post, but it deserves a wider audience!

      10 votes
    7. Midweek Movie Free Talk

      Warning: this post may contain spoilers

      Have you watched any movies recently you want to discuss? Any films you want to recommend or are hyped about? Feel free to discuss anything here.

      Please just try to provide fair warning of spoilers if you can.

      6 votes
    8. Buying facemasks in the hope of avoiding becoming permanently disabled due to long COVID

      There is mounting evidence the long-term effects of continuously getting re-infected with COVID-19 is something you would very much want to to avoid. For this reason I wish to purchase a...

      There is mounting evidence the long-term effects of continuously getting re-infected with COVID-19 is something you would very much want to to avoid.

      For this reason I wish to purchase a well-fitting facemask with replaceable filters. I managed to find two but none of them have economically feasible delivery options to Europe (shipping, import duties):

      Is there a mass-produced alternative to these boutique COVID-specific face masks offering replaceable filters? I don't mind looking like a non-conforming weirdo or someone from a building site.

      If anybody would like to weigh in with their considerations I would appreciate it a lot. Personally I find it very weird that the mounting evidence from the mainstream scientific community for the prevalence and seriousoness "long COVID" is not reflected in official COVID-19 guidelines, even in the relatively well-functioning European (by todays standards) country I inhabit. I understand the economy is considered sacred and that it takes precedence over human life but still ... ?!?

      Your thoughts on masks and in the situation in general is much appreciated.

      Risk of developing long COVID-19 is accumulative, meaning the virus persists in your body like HIV/AIDS:
      https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC8883497/

      All internal organs are impacted by COVID-19:
      https://www.nejm.org/doi/full/10.1056/NEJMe2400189

      Immune system is permanently damaged:
      https://www.nature.com/articles/s41590-023-01601-2
      https://www.science.org/doi/10.1126/science.adg7942
      https://www.nature.com/articles/s41590-021-01113-x

      Write-up from American doctors association with less science-heavy language:
      https://www.ama-assn.org/delivering-care/public-health/what-doctors-wish-patients-knew-about-covid-19-reinfection

      22 votes
    9. Has sexual content invaded too much of the internet?

      Something I have been thinking about lately is how sexual content online seems to be proliferated and normalized much more than it used to be. I'll give a couple of examples. While I do not use...

      Something I have been thinking about lately is how sexual content online seems to be proliferated and normalized much more than it used to be. I'll give a couple of examples.

      While I do not use the big social media sites (Instagram, Facebook, TikTok) very often, I've seen questionable content while others are scrolling, as well as conversations both online and offline with others who do use them. Nearly all of these sites contain profiles of people who are primarily there to market an OnlyFans account or similar. And these profiles are pushed to various demographics, seemingly moreso to males.

      Reddit has a very questionable history with this type of content. But outside of that, any subreddit that allows submission of photos of people will often include these models trying to promote themselves, and they frequently make it to the top of the subreddit. (Some reddit users make fun of this in subreddits such as r/UNBGBBIIVCHIDCTIICBG, which stands for "Upvoted Not Because Girl, But Because It Is Very Cool; However, I Do Concede That I Initially Clicked Because Girl").

      Twitch is a livestreaming platform that primarily hosts streamers who are playing video games. Streaming other events or "just chatting" has grown in popularity, which I have no complaints about. But there has been a lot of controversy about sexual content on the platform. To address this to some degree, Twitch added a "Pools, Hot Tubs, and Beaches" category for people who are streaming in that specific context. But OnlyFans models do not stick to that category, and can easily be found in "Just Chatting." And I can personally say that regardless of how many times I select "Not Interested" on these streams, I continue to get suggestions for them.

      Even generic chat applications (such as WhatsApp and Discord) are plagued with bot accounts that are either representative of an actual model or part of a scam, but in both cases, try to lure users in with sexual content.

      I do want to say I have no issue with adult content when it is in the appropriate venue. Sites dedicated to pornography are completely fine for consenting adults. What I take issue with is how this content has expanded far beyond dedicated sites.

      Society has reached a point where we hand off internet-connected devices to children at a very young age. Chromebooks are used in schools very early in education, and smartphones are given to kids early in life. It already seems to be common knowledge that social media use results in self-image issues in youth. These issues will likely be accelerated by social media not only showing a false image of how people live their lives but also the lengths they go to appear sexually appealing.

      I'm not proposing some overreaching "save the children" censorship legislation is needed. But it's hard to imagine how this trend can be turned around. It produces a ton of clicks, which is all these user-posted content sites (and advertisers) care about. Is there anything that can be done, or is this just the new internet?

      46 votes
    10. What have you been watching / reading this week? (Anime/Manga)

      What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was...

      What have you been watching and reading this week? You don't need to give us a whole essay if you don't want to, but please write something! Feel free to talk about something you saw that was cool, something that was bad, ask for recommendations, or anything else you can think of.

      If you want to, feel free to find the thing you're talking about and link to its pages on Anilist, MAL, or any other database you use!

      8 votes
    11. Seven days in the North Island of New Zealand

      Hey folks, My wife and I saw a great flights deal on Delta and bought tickets for March 2025. We know that we have day 8 in Hobbiton just before we leave (which is a solid 50% of the reason she...

      Hey folks,

      My wife and I saw a great flights deal on Delta and bought tickets for March 2025. We know that we have day 8 in Hobbiton just before we leave (which is a solid 50% of the reason she wants to visit New Zealand), but we wondered what else we should plan on for the first 7 days! I bet we spend a couple days in Auckland on the way in, and a bit of the evening of the 8th day, so anything local is great too.

      We like a mix of (moderate) outdoorsy things, cultural/historic things, nice city things, etc. We definitely at least one day at the beach (preferably with a nice restaurant nearby) and are taking advice about where to do so. We will have a rental car beginning on Day 2 or 3, and would love to explore as much of the North Island as we can!

      Any "can't misses"? Any local/regional museums or zoos/aquaria that are exceptional? We are absolutely willing to drive even as far south as Wellington, but prefer more days of smaller driving, so we don't just have a full day of driving in the middle there.

      Much appreciated!

      14 votes
    12. Thinking of getting into emacs, any advice?

      Recently I’ve been growing dissatisfied with my current workflow (Obsidian and iA) and looking to try something new, and someone recommended emacs, as long as I was up for the challenge. I figure...

      Recently I’ve been growing dissatisfied with my current workflow (Obsidian and iA) and looking to try something new, and someone recommended emacs, as long as I was up for the challenge. I figure it can’t hurt to try, and if I don’t implement it, well, I’ll have learned something.

      I’m fairly comfortable with CLIs, but will likely use a GUI, and will be using on a Mac.

      Anyone have advice for a total novice?

      17 votes