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3 votes
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Watching my female tenant's life come apart - a dilemma
Ive been in the home rental business for 35 years, enough time to see the same scenario before, but it leaves me just as vexed this time as it has before. The issue is a young couple, about 23...
Ive been in the home rental business for 35 years, enough time to see the same scenario before, but it leaves me just as vexed this time as it has before.
The issue is a young couple, about 23 years old, who have been together for a year. She is openly and admittedly 'madly in love' with her boyfriend, going so far as to announce on the initial walk through, that they want the suite because "its so quiet and peaceful and we are going to have a baby here" A bit too much information.
They were fine during the interview, and all their checks were passable - both former landlords I contacted gave them a thumbs up for paying their rent on time and keeping the place clean. Everything was fine except for his credit score which was very poor - but thats not unusual for someone that young who is still learning how to control their finances.
There is another young couple in the lower suite and they met and exchanged pleasantries and seemed to hit it off initially. But one week in, I got the first text from the basement tenants saying that there was yelling and screaming upstairs. I was startled because it seemed unusual compared to the public face they presented. I asked the tenants to inform me if it happened again. Maybe it was just one very bad day I hoped.
It did happen again. The next day at 5 am they were shouting so loudly that I could hear them over the basement tenants phone. I asked the tenants to call the police because it was domestic violence. They were about to call when everything went quiet again and they chose to wait.
There was a lull for a bit and then the third week I got an early morning text again. This time they were not only yelling at each other, they were screaming at another couple, friends supposedly, who were staying with them. There was loud banging and "it sounded like chairs being thrown around"
I told them to call the police, which they did this time but by the time the police arrived everything was calm again. Moments after they left though, everything erupted and the two guys ended up in a fight on the back lawn, Fists went flying and someone got punched although at this point its unclear who punched whom.
The police were called back and according to the account I got, the boyfriend was arrested. He says he wasn't and the police wont give me the report without his permission.
So yesterday I went to talk to them and inspect the house. I cant see any visible damage however it could easily be hidden by the goods piled against the wall, they're still unpacking as they've only been in for a month.
And then my dilemma begins. I KNOW this is a toxic relationship. Ive met this kind of guy before. Smooth talker, good looking, believes he can charm anyone any time. When I told him about the three reports of excessive noise and violence his first reaction was "it won't happen again" and his second was "I will call the other tenants and explain, Im sure we can work this out"
No buddy, no you cant. Because you're an abuser. And you'll do what all abusers do. You'll try to quiet the noise for a time, try to make your girlfriend use a forced whisper instead of an open cry, but it will only be a matter of a week or two and you're going to lose your temper again and we'll be right back where we are now, but probably even worse, because your character has been exposed.
And then I struggle with my place as a landlord but also as a caring human. I LIKE these people. They were charming and fun to get to know. I did extra work for them, getting new appliances in place because she's a specialty cook and loves to be in the kitchen. I made sure everything was 100% because I wanted them to be happy and have a nice place for them and if it happened, their new baby.
But now Im very concerned for her future. She doesnt seem to realize just how deep she is into this toxic mess of a relationship. His comment was 'we fight like most couples' and I abruptly cut him off: "NO! NOT like most couples! Most couples dont wake up the neighbors at 5 am with a screaming match and have a fist fight on the lawn where the cops get called" He looked slightly sheepish for a second and then went right back to his charm defense, saying he would work it out and they just needed 'another chance'.
The reason I think I may want to say more is because of Mercedes. She and her boyfriend rented from me about 10 years ago. It was the same scenario - charming, good looking but very angry boyfriend who lost his temper and went around the house damaging walls and smashing a porcelain sink. He was so rabid I actually brought a friend along to give them their eviction notice because I feared for my safety. That wasnt unjustified and his rage was palpable and extremely scary.
But when he was out of the room I asked Mercedes if she was ok. She said she was nervous, scared, but ok. I said 'I hope you're not going to go with him when he leaves' and she shook her head. The light bulb had come on. "No, the second he's out the door Im out of here. I hope I never see him again." Thank god she was finally seeing things clearly.
I came across her again a year ago online and just sent a friendly hello and if she remembered me and the house. She not only remembered me, she thanked me for helping her escape her hellish relationship. She said she was now in a very good and loving relationship and she couldn't believe how blind she was to even move in with Mr. Toxic in the first place. She said their eviction was a important turning point in her life.
And I see Mercedes in this new tenant. Im just not sure she realizes what she's got herself into. Or else she does and she's not sure how to get out because I cant imagine how violent his reaction would be if she tried to leave.
Which leaves me stuck. They are new to this area. They said they dont have many friends and family is a long way away, so there's no one close who is seeing what the basement tenants and I saw. And we're not sure what to do. The basement tenants are so scared of him they dont even want to be in the same house.
What do you say or not say to someone in this situation? Saying nothing seems irresponsible. Saying too much seems dangerous at least to her safety. So... what do you do? How do I figure out if she even wants help? And if I say something too soon, or too late, he may turn on her and get even more violent...
69 votes -
US-made M270 and HIMARS hammer targets inside Russia, first cross-border strikes since Joe Biden green light
31 votes -
Parable of the sofa
29 votes -
Hikaru Nakamura closed the gap to Norway Chess 2024 leader Magnus Carlsen after winning an armageddon thriller on time in round seven
3 votes -
Digital note-taking system?
background: I've been reading nonfiction a bunch recently, and I take notes on most books that I read, either writing in the margins or in a notebook. I really like writing in margins but (a) if...
background: I've been reading nonfiction a bunch recently, and I take notes on most books that I read, either writing in the margins or in a notebook. I really like writing in margins but (a) if it's a pretty hardcover I feel bad about it, (b) it means I can't check out library books, and (c) I am reading too much nonfiction and running out of shelf space so I need to switch to a mix of library and digital lol.
I also want my notes to be somewhat multimedia - e.g. links to wikipedia, pasting in relevant images (e.g. maps) without relying on my awful art skills, etc. I do NOT want to type my notes, I want to handwrite.
I have used OneNote a lot on a touchscreen monitor for e.g. notes during Advent of Code, scratch paper for puzzles, etc. I like OneNote a lot and I would be happy to use this for the software, but I don't have my heart set on it if there's something else that works similarly. I do want a tabbed navigation like OneNote has so that e.g. I can have a page of abbreviations, a page with a timeline, a page with a list of important names, etc, for a history book
I have also used iPads as scratch paper before, but not for dedicated note taking. It seems fine-ish but I'm not sure how it would do with inserting pictures etc, and not sure what other software there is for note taking available. I would also like to be able to access my notes on my Windows PC, so not sure if iOS is the best option?
One other concern is I want whatever it is to be easy to hold while I also have a (possibly large) book in my lap.
Does anyone do notes like this? Do you have a setup you like?
20 votes -
With new, sharper optics, Arizona telescope captures rare images of Jupiter’s moon Io
14 votes -
Fast-food owners, squeezed customers test limit of value meal economy
32 votes -
Money laundering: Epoch Times CFO charged in alleged $67 million case
29 votes -
Pentagon contracts reveal US prep for multinational force in Haiti, down to toothbrushes and WiFi
22 votes -
We live in a system of capitalist oligarchy
35 votes -
How the 18th-century ‘probability revolution’ fueled the casino gambling craze
4 votes -
Retailers hate that you buy big things on your laptop
38 votes -
How we used esbuild to reduce our browser extension build times by 90%
12 votes -
Mexico elects first female president − but will that improve the lot of country’s women?
23 votes -
How did the world run so low on cholera vaccine? As outbreaks grow, stockpile runs dry.
12 votes -
A Colorado factory is making homes that are indistinguishable from traditionally built ones — and chipping away at the housing crisis
28 votes -
The leak of an internal Google database reveals thousands of potential privacy and security issues reported by employees
21 votes -
North Korea has launched hundreds of balloons carrying rubbish and excrement at South Korea
30 votes -
Games where the campaign serves as the tutorial?
Recently I just finished Hitman: World of Assassination's campaign, where the main campaign is basically a tutorial for the main "meat" of the game, i.e. contracts, Freelancer, and pushing down...
Recently I just finished Hitman: World of Assassination's campaign, where the main campaign is basically a tutorial for the main "meat" of the game, i.e. contracts, Freelancer, and pushing down your assassination time for the story missions.
I really like that style of game, on this site famously I'm always talking about Monster Hunter which functions similarly (main campaign into grinding out for materials and decos), and was wondering if anyone else had any similar games.
I think roguelikes fit this a bit too, but for the sake of this topic not devolving into "what's your favorite roguelike", hopefully there are different suggestions! (Backpack Hero does something like this lol)
25 votes -
Significant cyber incidents | Strategic technologies program
1 vote -
What games have you been playing, and what's your opinion on them?
What have you been playing lately? Discussion about video games and board games are both welcome. Please don't just make a list of titles, give some thoughts about the game(s) as well.
22 votes -
What have you been eating, drinking, and cooking?
What food and drinks have you been enjoying (or not enjoying) recently? Have you cooked or created anything interesting? Tell us about it!
6 votes -
Paramount and Skydance agree to terms of a merger deal
10 votes -
Weekly Gaza megathread - week of June 3
This thread is posted weekly - please try to post all relevant Israel-Hamas war content in here, such as news, updates, opinion articles, etc. Extremely significant events may warrant a separate...
This thread is posted weekly - please try to post all relevant Israel-Hamas war content in here, such as news, updates, opinion articles, etc. Extremely significant events may warrant a separate topic, but almost all should be posted in here.
Please try to avoid antagonistic arguments and bickering matches. Comment threads that devolve into unproductive arguments may be removed so that the overall topic is able to continue.
9 votes -
Weekly US politics news and updates thread - week of June 3
This thread is posted weekly - please try to post all relevant US political content in here, such as news, updates, opinion articles, etc. Extremely significant events may warrant a separate...
This thread is posted weekly - please try to post all relevant US political content in here, such as news, updates, opinion articles, etc. Extremely significant events may warrant a separate topic, but almost all should be posted in here.
This is an inherently political thread; please try to avoid antagonistic arguments and bickering matches. Comment threads that devolve into unproductive arguments may be removed so that the overall topic is able to continue.
6 votes -
Baldur's Gate 3 - Official modding support
35 votes -
Venom: The Last Dance | Official trailer
11 votes -
Divine Hiddenness argument against God’s existence
23 votes -
Toilet/plumbing upgrades
Not sure if this is a "home improvement" topic, but I didn't see anywhere else relevant this would fit so I am going to drop it here. I've lived in the same place for around 12 years now. Before I...
Not sure if this is a "home improvement" topic, but I didn't see anywhere else relevant this would fit so I am going to drop it here.
I've lived in the same place for around 12 years now. Before I moved in, the place was owned by one other person for around 10 years. The place is probably ~20 years old. I have two toilets in the house. About 5 years after I moved in, the flushing mechanisms on one of the toilets stopped working and I inspected it and it looked like the bobber/float switch was busted to the point where when it got to max height, the water flow wouldn't shut off.
I pulled up a couple articles on the internet and it seemed like the parts were pretty straight forward to replace. So I went to Lowes, got the replacement parts needed and a few hours later, toilet was fixed. No big deal. About a year later the other toilet started acting up in the same manner so I just did the same thing. Both toilets had the original parts in them. They were all metal parts. The replacement parts were a brand called "FluidMaster" and I didn't really think much of it at the time. The replacement parts were almost entirely plastic.
So fast forward to today, and I have replaced the innards of the toilets on a fairly routine basis. It seems like every 18 months or so, I am having to replace the innards of the toilets because the float switch starts to fail. I came home from a day vacation on Saturday evening to find that one of the toilets was running and for god knows how long. I open the lid and sure enough, bobber is at the top, but the float switch hadn't disabled the water flow so the toilet just keeps running. I turned off the water to it and made a note that I'll have to go back to Lowes and pick up more parts. This will be the fourth or fifth replacement I've had to do on it.
What's going on here? Why are these float switches in these kits breaking so frequently? Does anyone else have this problem? Am I just buying the wrong parts continuously? Is there a better set of parts that I can buy to correct this issue?
9 votes -
Why the pandemic probably started in a lab, in five key points
44 votes -
Magnus Carlsen has taken over as the leader of Norway Chess 2024 after World Champion Ding Liren blundered in round six
4 votes -
The US Supreme Court case that could impact the homeless coast-to-coast
25 votes -
The Secret Number - Igor Teper
7 votes -
How influencer cartels manipulate social media: fraudulent behaviour hidden in plain sight
19 votes -
What my dog taught me about mortality
10 votes -
Movie of the Week #32 - The Wicker Man
We begin June with Robin Hardy's The Wicker Man from 1973 which is now considered a horror cult classic. IMDb Letterboxd Wikipedia Since this is the month of horror movies, did you find it scary,...
We begin June with Robin Hardy's The Wicker Man from 1973 which is now considered a horror cult classic.
Since this is the month of horror movies, did you find it scary, unsettling, creepy, eerie, spooky or horrifying?
The rest of the schedule for June is:
- 10th: Ravenous (1999)
- 17th: X (2022)
- 24th: The Exorcist (1973)
6 votes -
The Cleverlys - Walk Like an Egyptian (The Bangles bluegrass/country cover, 2020)
8 votes -
How it feels to get an AI email from a friend
56 votes -
Mike Tyson in 2:00.00 (World Record)
19 votes -
Patents based on traditional knowledge are often ‘biopiracy’. A new international treaty will finally combat this.
18 votes -
The race for next generation bombers - Stealth, drones and the B-21, H-20 & PAK DA programs
15 votes -
Joe Biden Environmental Protection Agency issues $900 million to US schools for clean-energy buses
21 votes -
California legislature rejects governor’s proposed cuts to active transportation, intercity rail
21 votes -
After two years, and two prior failed attempts, I finally finished reading The Wheel of Time! It's been so long since I chose a book that I don't even know what to read next.
While an extraordinarily long read, I appreciated remark about the final message of the series the message of hope that the final book ended on. I just don't know what to read next. This was a lot...
While an extraordinarily long read, I appreciated
remark about the final message of the series
the message of hope that the final book ended on.
I just don't know what to read next.
This was a lot of high fantasy to take in!
I'm likely to resume my read of Band of Brothers, having seen the HBO series twice already. I'm aware of several deviations from the book; that's not relevant here.
But what next? Looking for thought and feeling provoking reads that evoke hope. Could be non-fiction or fiction.
Suggestions?
36 votes -
The financial reports that led to the investigations against Michael Cohen and then Donald Trump - leading to the conviction in New York
11 votes -
A fire killed 18,000 cows in Texas. It’s a horrifyingly normal disaster.
20 votes -
Male birth control gel (that is applied to the shoulders) is safe and effective, new trial findings show
72 votes -
The moral economy of the Shire
26 votes -
Nvidia’s project G-Assist - AI game assistant
8 votes