My girlfriend and I have been in the market for new computer chairs at home, as we have been getting increasingly uncomfortable in our existing chairs. We are both shorter people (both under 5’5”) and the problem we’ve been coming across is in most chairs (even the ones I’ve found for “short” people) tend to have seat depths of 16+ inches. What ends up happening is the edge of the seat ends up pushing into our calves leading to bad posture because we can’t sit up fully to the back of the chair unless our lower back gets leaned forward a bit due to the size of the seat depth. This leads to bad posture and back pain.

So I’m curious fellow short people of Tildes, does anyone have any recommendations for a more comfortable and ergonomic chair for short people?

I am interested in hearing people's thoughts about where women have made great strides in progress of women rights/equality/equity vs where we've been stuck on progress.

I've been torn on how I've felt about when RBG said the Supreme Court would be equal once it had 9 women on it. Source because I do kind of understand the perspective of in history we've been "fine" with it being all male, so why cant the opposite be fine?

However at the same rate isn't that why we've been working hard on getting a seat at the table because we werent truly fine with it.

In some ways I've seen so much progress in my personal life and then I'll look at the statistics and see that only 10% of CEOs are women and 28% congress is women source

Yet we're about half if not slightly more than half the population. I feel like some progress has been rolled back as well, over the past couple years with the rise of extreme right wing ideology, and I feel like roe vs wade was a roll back in progress and we've stalled on increasing power. Then again nearly 50% women supported rolling it back, and I don't want to dimiss that perspective even though I adamantly disagree with it because for them it was progress.

I personally have been excited to see some local progress as the Wisconsin Bucks got their first female assistant coach. As well as glad to be part of one of the companies with a female CEO.

I'd really like to see a women president in the USA in my lifetime. That's I think the next big ceiling.

So what's some progress you've been glad to see?Anything local? and where do you worry we've stalled? What do you want to see as the next "glass ceiling broken"?

I've been having a particularly rough time finding a new job in the field I graduated in. I'm doing pretty much everything most job sites have told me but networking is kinda hard.

I don't currently work in my field so I don't know anyone that would be particularly useful. Everyone I know is already aware of my situation and some of them have even found leads for me but no luck yet.

I have gone to events related to organizations I'm interested in and spoken to people there but it feels super weird to just approach people and tell them I'm looking for a job.

Similarly Linkedin is super foreign to me. This post is literally the most I've ever interacted with a social media site. What do I do once I open that app? Am I supposed to just stalk people on there that might hire me someday? I tried joining a "group" but it's been pending for a week now.

I'm sad to admit it, but several members of my household have a crippling egg addiction and all our local suppliers are getting pretty stingy with prices. So we're breaking into the supply chain and getting the good stuff right at the source

But seriously, looking to get some chickens soon and it's been difficult finding spesific details. Most of the resources I see either paint chickens as exceptionally easy and self sufficient, or details extremely technical info for business farmers. Just based on the info I can put together, I'm building a small coop (2.5m^2) and fencing a run that can extend out to about 10m^2. Think it should be enough for 5 or 6 birds and I'll line the house out with plenty of straw and make a little nesting nook. I'll need to let them out in the morning, feed them grain and kitchen scraps, close them up at night and keep a temporary pen for broody hens.

Is that it? Do I have to get spesific breeds or types? Will it be better to raise them from young or just get fully grown? Temps range from -5C to 32C trough the year so do they need insulation or cooling? Are the eggs just safe to eat straight out the chicken? What are the best chicken pun names?

Most importantly, are they good to keep around kids? My toddler has a very... enthusiastic love for animals but I know birds will not put up with her the way the cats or dog do. And is there any hygiene or parasite risks I need to be aware of?

Would really appreciate any advice or anecdotes people have to share about these animals.

The idea of what it means to be a man has evolved significantly over the last century. We can build a fresh perspective on understanding masculinity beyond the stereotypical confines of strength, stoicism, and dominance. I appreciate Deimos trying out new groups and allowing topics to flourish. I could see this group having healthy discussions about the diverse experiences and expectations of men in today's society.

I envision topics on personal anecdotes, insights, and questions. I wanted to list out a few possibilities for future discussions that are top of mind.

1. The changing roles and responsibilities of men in personal and professional life.
2. The impact of societal norms and expectations on men's mental health.
3. Embracing vulnerability and emotional openness.
4. Men's role in promoting gender equality and mutual respect.
5. The significance of self-care and well-being in men's life.
6. How men can effectively communicate their emotions, needs, and concerns.
7. Relationships, expectations, and stereotypes

While not comprehensive, it's a start of areas we may consider. What are your thoughts on what this group could be?

EDIT - Grammar and Summary 7/9/2023 @3 pm mountain

Hello, everyone. It's encouraging to see such in-depth and thoughtful conversations on ~life.men. I wanted to take a moment to recap the significant themes I read up to this point. This is high level, so please correct me if I got it wrong.

Our discussions around Stoicism have been quite enlightening, and we've recognized its potential to encourage self-control and inner resilience. Nevertheless, we've also acknowledged its potential misuse, which might inadvertently promote unhealthy aspects of masculinity. This is a subject that requires more nuanced exploration.

We've unanimously expressed the need for a supportive environment for men of all identities. This includes cis, gay, trans, and men of all other identifications. Despite potential challenges such as toxicity and inactivity, many believe this forum can serve as a respectful and positive space to engage in discussions about contemporary masculinity.

Conversations have emphasized challenging traditional gender norms and fostering inclusivity. There's been a strong consensus against defining masculinity by outdated stereotypes. We've expressed a shared commitment to creating an environment welcoming everyone, regardless of gender identity. We also acknowledge the role of diverse geographical and cultural backgrounds in shaping our understanding of gender, which we deeply value.

The topic of men's role in promoting gender equality has been prominent. We agree on the importance of men as allies in this movement. Tackling the rigid roles defined by patriarchal norms is crucial, as is having open and transparent conversations on these issues. Progress in gender equality benefits everyone - it's not a zero-sum game.

We've also delved into gender norms, roles, and the usage of gendered language. It's been encouraging to see such scrutiny of societal expectations and a strong emphasis on promoting universally beneficial values and inclusivity. There's a shared understanding of the complexity of gendered language and how it can both define personal identity and represent broader affiliations.

We've explored varied experiences in male-specific spaces. From the importance of representing all demographics to discussing the challenges of modern fatherhood, we've covered extensive territory. There's a shared commitment to guard against potential toxicity and ensure balance in all our discussions.

We have expressed the importance of focused discussions on men's experiences. Challenging assumptions about masculinity and addressing men's issues from multiple perspectives can impact our society.

I'm new to Tildes and not sure where to go from here. Given all the valuable insights and themes we've gathered, how can we adopt draft guidelines for our community? I suspect we can see how this develops organically, but I appreciate approaching things intentionally. Thanks for all the comments and discussions. It has me thinking much more broadly!

Apologies for the vague title, but the topic itself is really open, and I was having trouble cutting down on its scope.

Here’s some background: Recently, I’ve been going through several transitions in life: moving and switching jobs somehow were not the most stressful among them. During this period I’ve been trying to keep all of the various tasks, events, reminders, alarms, etc. organized for myself. This process of organizing my time has been extremely overwhelming for me. I’ve been trying to take it one step at a time, only adding tasks as they come up. This still has lead to my problem of figuring out whether or not an event should be added to my calendar, or a task added to my todo list, or even an alarm added to my phone. If I add everything, then it becomes tough to see what is important, and if I don’t then I risk not remembering one of them.

My question is kind of two fold: what tools do you use to keep track of your day/tasks/events, and what philosophy do you have regarding adding or omitting items?

For me right now, I am using google calendar to keep track of major events and birthdays, and for everything else I use a physical notepad. In my calendar, I have birthdays and any event that has a time set in stone. This lets me see whether or not I am actually free when I’m invited to things or asked if I can help someone out.

For everything else, I use my notepad and attempt to keep track of anything that could be considered a task. At the end of each day I try to organize my list of tasks based on how immediately they need to be completed or how important they are to complete.

My system has two pitfalls: occasionally I over extend myself, because an event (stored on my calendar) will coincide with a day where many of my tasks (stored in my notepad) are due. For example, I had a day where I worked in the office (9 hours plus commute), had another event (4 hours plus commute), 1 task that took me two hours, 3 different tasks (each one ending up taking over an hour), and several other tasks that I didn’t even get to before falling asleep.

What tools/systems/philosophies do you use? And semi-related, how does one keep from falling into the trap of spending more time planning than actually living?

I would be interested in tips, thoughts, and experiences folks have had with raising sons. I work in healthcare (in finance) and am acutely aware that most of my colleagues are women, as were most of my teachers, and class mates in college. With this in mind, it seems that the feminine side of raising sons is well represented. I've been reading and soul searching about good practices for the father of a son but would welcome all perspectives. Another interesting aspect is that I've found many parenting books to be focused on mothers rather than fathers. The few I've found that are focused tend to be religious/ Christian. Nothing wrong with that but would like to hear the collected wisdom here. To be clear I am hoping to get specific thoughts and actions rather than a broad topic with concepts and ideals.

I'm a soon-to-be new dad of a baby girl. I have loved and played soccer since 6 years old, and would love nothing more than to see my daughter take to the game. However, I would never force anything on her just because I happen to like it - if she ends up having no interest in soccer, so be it.

So my question to those of you who play/played, do you remember what got you hooked? I'll obviously be kicking the ball around with her at the park, and my city is fortunate enough to have a pro women's team, so I'll be taking her to games. Is there anything else I can do to put together my best "pitch deck" together for the sport?

Thanks in advance, and go KC Current! :)

I just changed rooms, and my new neighbor makes noise. It's not much of a problem for other people, but I wake up at the slightest sound or the slightest change in lighting. Because of this, I am not able to sleep properly. I have tried earbuds and earplugs, but they hurt my ears. Can you suggest how I can become a heavy sleeper? Or how to sleep in this environment?

This week marks my 8th year of working in IT, and I have been feeling more and more that I am ready to move onto something different. Both my undergraduate and masters degrees were in the arts (Japanese, and Linguistics respectively), and I just sort of fell into IT as a job because I was always good with computers and it seemed like it had a pretty great pay-to-effort ratio. Now that I am approaching the decade mark, I feel like it's not what I want to do any more. Even my current job (which I once described as my dream role) has lost its sheen, and the prospect of spending the rest of my working life having to study and learn new technologies, and keep up with the latest developments just fills me with dread. I don't want to be in my fifties and reading endless documentation to try and understand why MacJibbleGPT is now the preferred way to skilter a virtualised quallock. In short, I would like to relegate my computing to the level of "hobby."

The problem is, I really don't know what I would like to do instead. The last time I had an idea of a career that I wanted to follow was as a teenager when I wanted to be a doctor, but I didn't get the grades. Since then I've just sort of fallen from thing to thing, and been a bit directionless, just assuming that IT would be enough to carry me through my working life, and focus on my hobbies for fulfilment. Well my hobbies are now very fulfilling, but they just make the slog of the work day even harder.

So how do I go about figuring out what it is that I want to do? I have done a few quizzes online (via reputable organisations), I've contemplated the jobs of my friends and family, and I still just feel like nothing is inspiring me. There are a few problems that I need to try and work around with finding something new as well:

• At least for the next 6 years or so, I am geographically fairly restricted to being within a reasonable driving distance to my daughter's home
• Shit is expensive, so I need to minimise the hit to my salary
• I do not have the money to get a degree or similar vocational qualification
• I would like stable hours, and not to work weekends or evenings (this is more job-specific than it is career-specific)
• Hybrid working is preferable to full-time in the office or full-time WFH (ditto)

So I ask my fellow Tilderen, have you ever pivoted into a completely different career after several years of investing your time into another? How did it go? How did you go about figuring out what you wanted to do instead? What advice would you have for me, a nearly-31-year-old who still has most of her working life ahead of her?

The other day I created a post here to evoke discussion around what kind of topics, and community norms we might consider. I offered up initial thoughts to spark conversation and there were a lot of people offerings deep insights. I spent the past few days learning from everyone and reading through comments. I tried to capture the high level take aways in a summary and added it as an edit to my original post. Here is a link to the full thread.

It was suggested I post that summary as a new topic for better visibility and so that's the intention of this new post. This is only the foundation of what we could consider as we evolve the discussions, and it helps surface the initial thoughts and perspectives we have collectively shared.

It's encouraging to see such in-depth and thoughtful conversations on ~life.men. I wanted to take a moment to recap the significant themes I read up to this point. This is high level, so please correct me if I got it wrong, and I may have missed something valuable that needs called out.

Our discussions around Stoicism have been quite enlightening, and we've recognized its potential to encourage self-control and inner resilience. Nevertheless, we've also acknowledged its potential misuse, which might inadvertently promote unhealthy aspects of masculinity. This is a subject that requires more nuanced exploration.

We've unanimously expressed the need for a supportive environment for men of all identities. This includes cis, gay, trans, and men of all other identifications. Despite potential challenges such as toxicity and inactivity, many believe this forum can serve as a respectful and positive space to engage in discussions about contemporary masculinity.

Conversations have emphasized challenging traditional gender norms and fostering inclusivity. There's been a strong consensus against defining masculinity by outdated stereotypes. We've expressed a shared commitment to creating an environment welcoming everyone, regardless of gender identity. We also acknowledge the role of diverse geographical and cultural backgrounds in shaping our understanding of gender, which we deeply value.

The topic of men's role in promoting gender equality has been prominent. We agree on the importance of men as allies in this movement. Tackling the rigid roles defined by patriarchal norms is crucial, as is having open and transparent conversations on these issues. Progress in gender equality benefits everyone - it's not a zero-sum game.

We've also delved into gender norms, roles, and the usage of gendered language. It's been helpful to see such scrutiny of societal expectations and a strong emphasis on promoting universally beneficial values and inclusivity. There's a shared understanding of the complexity of gendered language and how it can both define personal identity and represent broader affiliations.

We've explored varied experiences in male-specific spaces. From the importance of representing all demographics to discussing the challenges of modern fatherhood, we've covered extensive territory. There's a shared commitment to guard against potential toxicity and ensure balance in all our discussions.

We have expressed the importance of focused discussions on men's experiences. Challenging assumptions about masculinity and addressing men's issues from multiple perspectives can impact our society.

I'm new to Tildes and not sure where to go from here. Given all the valuable insights and themes we've gathered, how can we adopt draft guidelines for our community? I suspect we can see how this develops organically, but I appreciate approaching things intentionally. Thanks for all the comments and discussions. It has me thinking much more broadly and about things I hadn't considered.

EDIT
I received early feedback that "guidelines" may be the wrong ask here. The thought was to be intentional and surface a "purpose" for having a men group. Being new to Tildes, I'll defer to community as to what's the right way to move forward. Regardless, I appreciate the conversations and discourse that Tildes brings.

I’m going to be replacing my mattress soon, and there are a lot more options available now, including many that I can order online instead of having to go get from a furniture store. Every time I’ve tried ones out in the store it’s always been a crapshoot as to whether or not I actually like it once I get it home, as I can’t really get a good feel for it there. As such I’m more than willing to go with the convenience of an online brand, but would rather hear from some people besides sponsored YouTubers first.

What brand of mattress do you sleep on and like? Any brands you had bad experiences with and would avoid?

I'm in a fortunate position of being in a reasonably well compensated but very specialised role in the pharma industry, and after some recent layoffs have been casually surveying what other opportunities might be out there.

However, I'm really struggling to get a sense of my market value, as little to none of the salary info on e.g. Glassdoor or published surveys from recruitment bodies captures anything similar to my position.

My compensation is way off published ranges I can find, so I don't know if I have "golden handcuffs" or if the data I am looking to is garbage.

In effect, my position developed organically over a few years, and has bits of middle management as well as governance, project management and individual contributor work. I don't think there is even anyone within my organisation with a similar role, I have several responsibilities which normally you wouldn't concentrate under one individual if you were designing from the ground up.

I'd be really interested if anyone has been in a similar position, or any recommendations to on how to benchmark yourself when it isn't obvious what you should be benchmarking against.

I had my 5th kid a few weeks ago and now have a vasectomy scheduled for early August. Any tips or suggestions for prep or recovery? They gave me some general advice regarding compression shorts, ice, rest...

Related question for those of you don't having kids or firmly decided against kids and didn't get a vasectomy: why not? I'm curious what methods you're using to prevent having kids.

I have an 8 year old blind silky terrier that seems to have all but lost his hearing after last night. I took him out last night and a neighbor unexpectedly set off fireworks. The display lasted for about five minutes and he didn't seem scared. I moved him away, but not completely away.

Since this morning he's been unresponsive to calls and sounds. He hasn't been wagging his tail much, has been bumping into the things in the apartment, and wasn't interested in his leash.

I've got a vet appointment for tomorrow morning. Is there anything I can do to help? Is this a common occurrence? He's my first dog and he just seems so lost

Update (copied from a comment):

His hearing has been improving tremendously. The carprofen the vet prescribed helped a lot, IMO. He's able to hear about 80% as well as he could before, though it takes him a little bit to understand. At least until he takes his medicine, then he can hear a bit better.

However, yesterday morning on his walk his front left paw started twitching and spasming uncontrollably. Poor guy was hopping around, could barely stand or even sit. He didn't seem hurt and there weren't any signs of injury (bee sting, bug bite, cuts, etc.). Took him to the emergency room immediately and they prescribed him some gabapentin. Fortunately the spasms went away and he's running and jumping around again

I started getting into makeup about six months ago and I've become a bit obsessed. I've been trying to nail a natural, glowy everyday look which I mostly have down.

I managed to work out what my undertone is - always thought I had cool undertones but it turns out I'm neutral tending towards warm. I think this was one of the trickiest things to get to grips with, especially as it's one of the first things you need to figure out if you want to find a good foundation match. I tried lots of the recommendations online and spent an inordinate amount of time staring at blue and green marker lines on my arms trying to work out which ones more closely resembled the colour of my veins (the fact that I couldn't tell should have been a clue I was neutral). In the end I took a photo of my face and put it into Photoshop and used the colour picker to see the CMYK balance of my skin tone.

My approach to my makeup base has been to follow Lisa Eldridge's technique for covering acne/ redness etc. It basically involves using a base layer of tinted moisturizer before applying concealer where needed (I generally use a primer beforehand as well). I'd like to try some colour correctors to better conceal redness and the circles under my eyes but e.l.f has completely sold out of the colours I need and I'm waiting for them to come back in stock.

I really like Jecca Blac's glow drops for adding some glow/ highlights to my face. It's the only product of theirs I've tried but I would recommend them as a brand if you're just getting started with makeup. They're vegan, cruelty free and gender free/ trans inclusive, and they offer free consultations if you buy a product with them so you can learn how to properly apply it.

Another product I use all the time is the Body Shop's freestyle multitasking crayon in the colour 'staple'. It's one of the first things I bought and I think it's great as a starter product because it has so many uses - it's lip-liner, blush and eyeshadow all in one. It's good for travel as well for the same reason.

The other thing I do most days is tightline my eyes. I tend to follow this technique which works well for me and gives my eyes a bit more definition without being over the top. My eyelashes are quite dark and long anyway so I tend not to use mascara on a daily basis.

If anyone has any tips on doing winged eyeliner I'd love to hear them! I think I probably just need more practice but I find it quite hard because I'm basically unable to wink so I have to do it with my eyes open.

Also any product recommendations for a setting spray/ powder (preferably vegan and cruelty free). I'm currently using e.l.f's Halo Glow setting powder but I find it quite mattifying and it tends go a bit cakey for me after a few hours.

Anyway, I would love to hear any and all of your thoughts on makeup. What products do you love? Are you looking for some recommendations? What's your goal with makeup and what does your routine look like? Anyone that you follow for inspiration or tips?

I work from home 5 days a week and have done for years with the same chair (it’s nothing fancy). After a couple of hectic days at work this week I’ve found my back hurting. I’ve never had this issue before as I usually take pretty regular breaks.

I’ve been toying with the idea of a sit stand desk so when I’m busy I can still take a break from sitting.

Does anyone else have experience and insight into the pros and cons?

Thanks

I just wanted to clarify what kind of space we want this to be. What kind of topics are acceptable/unacceptable to be put here and so on. Are men encouraged to post here too (I hope so because I am one), or do we want this to be a place primarily around giving a voice to women?

A friend and their partner got into a heated squabble about bread clips. My friend is a staunch defender of the clip; his partner prefers to tie the end of the bag into a knot. They recently bought a home together, and I would like to gift them a lifetime supply of bread clips. I'm unsure of the exact amount, but I'm thinking whatever amount is visually shocking would be good enough. Maybe 1000, maybe 10,000. I'm having trouble sourcing a suppler. Does anyone know of one? TIA

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bread_clip

I'm a fairly tall person and my partner and I both really love large blankets. However, I'm not a big fan of the thin/plush style often sold at stores like Walmart. Does anyone have large, thick/quality blanket recommendations?

I've looked at BigBlanketCo but their blankets seem to be somewhat overpriced and underwhelming.

Hello, I’ve been working in technology for nearly 10 years and I just can’t be arsed anymore.

The companies I’ve worked for have generally been B2B, providing technology solutions for other technology platforms, but there’s no “product” or “thing” at the end, just some more shitty software.

I try to provide the best service I can, but I end up burning out each week. Just utterly fed up and lacking any motivation to make improvements as I have too much other stuff to “deliver”.

My question is more around what drives any of you ?
Do you get up in the morning wanting to make a difference ?
Do you work in an area that directly does good in the world ?
How do you stay motivated and fulfilled in your careers?

What makes you want to get up each day ?

Initial SCOTUS rulings on affirmative action were before my time. I agree with the concept. Do you? Has it affected you positively? Negatively? Now that affirmative action has “ended” and we’ve totally “solved racism”, what is the path forward? There’s a lot of opinions out there but I want to know what real people think about the consequences in all our lives, U.S. or otherwise. Let’s talk.

As someone who deals with ADHD, I often have a lot of trouble keeping myself organized. I have so many different thoughts swirling around in my head, and things I want to do, but it's hard to plan my time correctly. I often get the feeling that I'm wasting my day.

I'm wondering if anyone else has this experience, and what you do to keep yourself organized.

Something that has been bothering me for a long time is that the majority of voters in the US are parents. It seems paid parental leave is something that most people can empathize with needing, and that would benefit most people’s lives. So I have such a hard time understanding why it isn’t proposed more often or prioritized as a voting issue. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I was shocked to hear that my own mother had to decide between going back to her job 3 weeks post partum or losing her job. I can’t believe that things have not really improved (in terms of protections for all parents, not just by industry/state/company)

I read an interesting NPR article about how the AARP solidified the aging population into a powerful voting block that has skewed lawmakers to addressing their needs. Because this organization has clear priorities and influences many voters, lawmakers have incentive to pass laws the AARP supports. This article suggested that if parents could join together and create a similar political group, it would be the biggest and most powerful voting block.

So I’m interested in what your opinions are. Do you see parental leave as important? If so, why don’t we have a national leave policy? How do we get there?

Hello,

I’m soon to become a father to my firstborn child and have the opportunity to take some paternity leave through work. While the length of time I can take is very generous (as far as I know), I’m truly unsure how much is usually the norm for fathers.

I work in a stable office job, while my wife is self employed and will be taking 3 months off. I am leaning towards taking the week after birth off and intermittently working from home afterwards as needed, as even with leave I would most likely not receive my full 100% pay, which we will definitely need. In addition to the financial impact, my daily work usually consists of stuff that my coworkers would be unable or struggle with staying on top of, and I do not want to put any extra burden on them, or have tasks not completed merely to back up until my return.

Any advice or comments would be much appreciated as I am struggling to figure this out!