NOTE: I do not want comments bemoaning the current state of US politics on this post. Rest assured that I am well aware of all that. Focusing on that will not help me in my current situation and will only serve to depress me. Please respect my wishes on this.

So others here might remember that about a year ago I posted about how I was getting divorced. While nothing's happened on paper yet, my ex and I have lived separately since then. Between taking in-person German language classes and making new online friends, I've been doing a lot of work on myself in the interim, and my mental health has been mostly doing a lot better than it was while I was married, barring a few short-term dips.

Unfortunately, my unemployment ran out, and I'm no closer to getting a job in my field, and not for lack of trying. The German job market sucks absolute ass right now, and while my German language skills have improved a huge amount over the past year, they're not good enough to overcome the average German's preference for a native speaker, which in this job market is enough. Anyway, the long and short of it is that I'm broke and there's no clear solution here in Germany for that for me.

Luckily for me, I'm still quite young in the grand scheme of things, and I have parents who love me and are willing to support me in getting back home to the US, alongside letting me live with them in my childhood home until I get a job and can save up enough to get back on my feet and get my own place. The job market in the US is better for me than in Germany (especially given the lack of a language barrier) and I have opportunities for further education and career pivots that wouldn't be possible for me in Germany right now. This, plus the fact that I really want to be there while my sister's young kids grow up, means moving back to the States is probably my best next step, moving forward.

I'm excited to be near my family again and to reconnect with friends in the area, but obviously I'm also pretty anxious about the whole experience. I'd love advice from others who have moved internationally about little things that are easily forgotten or are left out of the usual lists of things to consider during the planning stages. When I first moved to Germany, I was a poor student who just had a few suitcases with me, but now I'm an adult with more stuff I own that I value to some extent. I've already begun the process of slimming down what I plan to bring with me to the essentials and checking which electronics can be safely operated in the US with/without a transformer. But I'm sure there's something I've missed that other people have experience with and I'd love any advice from people who have made similar moves themselves.

Also, any little positives about adult life in the US or bits of advice for once I move back are appreciated. I moved to Germany right after I finished my bachelor's, so I don't have much experience as a "real adult" in the US. So any tips to help smooth along the adjustment process or little bits of advice for someone learning to live as an adult in suburban Ohio would be welcome. And any positivity is extremely appreciated -- it might be a tough ask here on Tildes and I know it can be hard in the current times, but that's exactly why I need what I can get.

Hello all! My lease is up mid-March of this year. For personal mental health reasons I would like to secure a move-in date of around mid-February and perhaps even earlier than that, because I'd like to have things finalized before my ex starts her own moving out process. This is the first time I'll be apartment hunting on my own, and while I have definitely talked to many friends and mentors regarding my options, I figured I wouldn't mind getting thoughts from folks here.

I have a few hard requirements for personal reasons: I would ideally not be too far from groceries (I have a car), be able to go for walks/runs without having to drive to a specific place, not too far away from the main airport here as I have to fly for work very very occasionally or when visiting family, and central HVAC. I have, generally, two options to choose from:

1. The expensive option, 1500 base rent and estimated 300-400 for utilities/parking/etc. At this time I do not believe it possible or even worth looking for anything slightly cheaper than this - whether it's a studio or a 1bed, the cost is more or less the same in this area. And even if the location were less of a factor and I looked farther away from the main city / big hubs, at best we're looking at $100 cheaper and I don't think that is big enough savings given how inconvenient location is.

2. The budget option, estimated 700-800 with utilities included, 3 housemates. A friend is currently sharing a house that his family owns with two other housemates. I've never met said housemates but they are personal friends of his. All housemates are male, I am female. I would be getting a single master bedroom, attached bathroom. At this time I do not consider the... eyebrow-raising-ness? of being the sole woman to be a problematic factor.

Some of the factors I'm considering, that probably isn't comprehensive because I'm new to all this:

• Living with housemates. I haven't had to share a house with so many people since my first year of college, which was 14 years ago. My ex did keep me honest over the last year of living together, and from a brief call with the friend who would be renting out the room, his housemates do keep to themselves, don't really use the kitchen, plenty of fridge space, etc.

• Living alone. I actually haven't "lived alone" since the last semester before I dropped out of college. My roommate at the time was taking a leave of absence and I had the studio to myself for three months. I feel neutral about this.

• Laundry? House has in unit laundry. No apartment I've looked at has in-unit laundry unless I add at least $200 on top of the base price.

• WFH and personal space. I do work remotely and for my entire WFH life, I have always had my personal PC setup, bed, and work setup in the same room. This has been difficult for me in the last two months while recovering from the breakup, and moving into a 1bed apartment would allow me to have a dedicated work setup away from bed since I personally value that higher than a nice living room space (no television, no problem). Or I could even fit that work setup into a small but still cozy living room space, who knows. However...

• MONEY. I've broken down all my fixed monthly costs, including any recurring annual subscriptions. I am estimating very, very high for absolutely everything, such as monthly grocery costs (400/mo, which is the highest that my ex and I split over the last 10 months. We're both very light eaters and "groceries" would include the occasional toiletries restock and such). Right now I am looking at taking home around $1300/mo living in my own apartment, vs. $2300/mo sharing the house.

  • Furnishing a new apartment, vs... not. Ex and I split all costs 50/50 for everything BUT furniture, and she paid for most items such as the sofa, coffee table, TV console, dining room table, ie. she will be taking those items with her. I do not want a large sofa but cozy seating in a living room space is, well, not cheap. The only furniture I'd bring with me is a decent Ikea shelf cabinet thing, my two standing desks, a single bookshelf, a twin bed. I would not be acquiring additional furniture if I move into the single bedroom.
  • Schooling costs. I don't know if I've gotten into this online degree program yet, won't know until probably April, and even if I do get in I am not sure if I will jump into it (though at this time I am leaning towards it just to have a guided path which I'm lacking right now with my career). This is an estimated 30k over the course of 2 years, or $625/mo. Not counting any potential textbooks.
  • Lasik/PRK? I have pretty poor eyesight. I have always been afraid of pulling the trigger on this, but I would like to in the next few years.
  • Current savings. I have a little over $20k in savings. I don't know anything about stocks, I have a 401k I never look at. My financial literacy boils down to "I use my credit card like a debit card" and my only current debt is a financed car, costs are factored into the numbers posted above.

• Mental health? Monthly therapy costs are factored into my numbers. So is a $150/mo cost of classes at a local muay thai gym (picked up recently for sake of both physical and mental health, joining a community, a regular activity to take me out of the apartment).

What considerations am I missing from the above? What would you go for? I mentioned I have not lived on my own for a very long time, and to be honest I don't have concrete long-term financial goals. Obviously property ownership is like... the American Dream and whatever... but frankly I am so very far from being able to realize such a goal that it just is not a factor when it comes to me saving money. I just don't want to look back at myself in 2027 and regret my finances. My family is in another part of the state and I can't rely on them for money or housing... well, I actually can, for housing, and save even more money, but I vastly prefer the climate where I am at now and my mental health will suffer far more living with family than with 3 housemates.

I really appreciate any thoughts! I know I have time, there is no rush, but I am also aware that distracting myself with this has been pretty helpful with, you know, not being too depressed about circumstances.

I live in the southeast, and I'm finally in a situation where nothing is really keeping me here, so in the next month or so I'm intending to begin selling everything I can't fit in my car, and move out west.

Unfortunately, I don't have a job lined up or anything like that, which obviously makes things more difficult. I figure something like offering to put a year of rent into an escrow account can probably cover that?

On top of that though, how are you supposed to get a feel for everything? Like, there are virtual tours and things like that, but it's not exactly the same.

I guess I'm just looking for general advice and tips at this stage. I feel like I don't even really know what I should be asking, but I'm definitely intent on ending up on the west coast.

Hello fellow Tildians,

I'm considering a move from Northern Virginia (NoVa) to Raleigh, NC, and would love some insight from those familiar with the area. I'm in my 20s and curious about the scene down there.

Although I haven’t spent much time in NoVa, one of the main reasons I’m looking at Raleigh is that NoVa feels like it has a more transient population. There's nothing inherently wrong with that (and I realize I’m contributing to it myself), but I’m hoping for something with more rooted connections.

How easy is it to make friends or date in Raleigh? I know it’s a broad question, but if anyone has lived in both places and can compare, that would be super helpful!

Additionally, are there any neighborhoods or locations I should avoid? I’m considering purchasing a home but want to stay within 15-20 minutes of Raleigh.

Any insights or advice would be greatly appreciated!

To be clear, I'm a native Texan. But I'm tired of the goings-on of the county that I've always lived in. I feel like I've already done everything there is to do. I want to meet people that feel genuinely 'new' to me and have as many novel experiences as I can in a short period of time.
I'm planning on moving during January since that's when my lease is up at my apartment. What things should I expect? What should I seek?

Hi Tildeans,

Today I accepted an offer in New Jersey situated in New Brunswick. My partner and I will be moving out there likely late July/early August. We will be bringing two dogs, one cat, and one snake with us. For those that live around the area, is there anything I should know about finding places to rent (e.g. places to avoid)? We are willing to be a little bit away from New Brunswick, but I would like to have easy access to the rail line that goes through the city so I can commute in without the use of a car.

Also, what are some recommendations for places to check out when we get there? We have pretty broad tastes when it comes to art, food, outdoor activities, and all of that. Lastly, if there is anything else you think I should know about the broader East coast area please feel free to share!

Hi everyone!

I am moving to Colorado from Oregon late February and will be driving with my cat. I am shipping my belongings separately so it’s just us in the car.

We will be traveling through Idaho, Utah, and Colorado. I have never been through any of these states, particularly this time of year. My planned route is

Day 1 - Portland, OR -> Boise, ID
Day 2 - Boise, ID -> Salt Lake City, UT
Day 3 - Salt Lake City, UT -> Grand Junction, CO
Day 4 - Grand Junction, CO -> Denver, CO

Because of the time of year, I wanted to see if anyone had tips for traveling this route. I have checked average temperatures for the cities I’ll be stopping in for that time of year but I know that’s not the full story. I’m also going to get my car checked out before the long drive to make sure all is well. I have all season tires that are newer and chains already in the car.

I have a first aid kit, will bring a few blankets and some food/water for both me and the cat (Marge), a battery pack, and a few days of clothes for the traveling. That’s all I could think of.

Does anyone have suggestions or tips for this 1200+ mile trip? Also, my cat has only ever been in the car for about 3 hours at most. She’s sometimes anxious and sometimes chill. If anyone has suggestions for traveling with a cat in the car for up to 7 hours per day, that would also be appreciated!

I'm thinking first order of business is cleaning and then I'd like to paint, and then cleaning up the unkept yard. But I still haven't even moved yet and I know reality will be different.

Does anyone who's been in this situation before have some general advice?

For the first time in my life, I'll be living somewhere other than my hometown— going half the world away to London!

Having never moved further than like an hour away from where I grew up, I'd love to hear about experiences, tips, things to keep in mind when moving to a totally new place. Anything centred on London/the UK is of course very welcome, but I'm also really into hearing from people more generally :)

For context: I'm going from southern California to Salt Lake City, Utah, and I'm moving for work. I've never lived alone for an extended period of time before. I figure I've got a handle on it, but there's always something that I forget or don't know, so I'd like to ask you all for advice.

hi tildians,

i'll be moving to VA pretty soon. if there's anyone who's lived there, and could possibly share any tips, that would be nice! and I mean anything -- places to check out, info for people out of state, etc.

thanks!

In the discussion "Does the internet feel American centric to you?", various people mentioned living in different countries. In particular @Adys mentioned living in 5 different European countries and offered to give advice to those who are interested in moving to another country. I'd love to hear what the challenges are, and in particular how you get the courage to speak to native speakers in a language you don't speak very well.

For me, my spouse and I are considering (someday) buying property in Greece. Her family is of Greek descent, though she was born and grew up in the states. We're both learning Greek now and hope that in the future we can get back there and possibly even have a vacation home there one day. She has relatives who have homes there and in the states.

Inspired by (or if you prefer, ripping off) @spit-evil-olive-tips ' moving thread.

I'm a US expat with Hungarian citizenship, moving with two native Hungarian friends (plus a dog and 2 cats), to The Hague. We have an apartment there, all 3 animals are chipped and vaccinated (and we 3 are not...). My cousin will be driving us there in about a month.

We already have an appointment, a couple days after the move, to register our BRPs and BSNs at the local govt office. Sooner would be better, but it must be done in person, and right now, I don't relish the idea of a 2nd trip across the EU just to get registered a bit faster.

I'm primarily looking for tips on smoothly integrating into Dutch society ... utilities, banking, health care, whatever else I'm forgetting to worry about. But I'm open to any tips regarding any aspect of moving between countries in the EU, in the middle of a poorly-managed global pandemic.

Side-note for the entrepreneurs: In the US, you can rent a car, truck or trailer anywhere, drive it to anywhere else ... and leave it there. I appreciate the added complexities of an int'l version of that service, but if anyone can be the first to resolve those challenges in the EU ... $$$. Or rather, €€€.

ETA: Any advice posted to @spit-evil-olive-tips thread need not be repeated here.

So recently I've been kind of hating big parts of where I am in life, most of all where I live. I am still living with my family, and while they are all good people, our place isn't the biggest so there isn't too much privacy most of the day. So over the years I have basically started to quietly resent everyone in this house, which got exacerbated over the quarantine (and even much more when we were all stuck at home for 14 days when we got the corona and were in isolation).

I've been thinking that basically the only way to make sure I don't go fully insane is to finally move out. Also, I don't really want to admit it to myself, but I am not very independent, and I feel like I really need to change that. This year I will be finishing my Bachelor's degree, so that seems like the perfect time I would like to aim for. The problem is that after I am done with the degree I want to continue by doing a Masters in the same place. The obvious easy solution is to just rent some place with roommates I'd have to find, which is probably what I'll try to do.

But I have also been engaging in a lot of fantasizing - escapist thoughts involving doing my Masters in a different country. I was already thinking about this a bit before starting my Bachelor's degree, but I ultimately decided not to, which might have been a good call as I was definitely even more of a baby back then. But now, as I have another opportunity I have again been thinking about this a lot.

I am from the EU, so I could study in any other EU country for free. Mostly I've been thinking about Finland, or other Scandinavian countries (maybe kind of cliche?). It would definitely be really hard though, and I am not sure am I strong enough to do this. As I said I am kind of a not very independent wuss, so I am kind of scared if I could survive by myself in a different country with basically no one I could fall back on. Finding a place to live would also probably be quite hard and I would very likely need to find a part time job there, because even though I spent almost 2 years saving up money at a part time job, the countries I am looking at are more expensive than mine so my savings wouldn't most likely be enough. Hopefully there would be some student dormitories available that would be quite cheap? I don't really care too much about how prestigious my university is, but it could also be nice that I could choose a better rated one somewhere.

I hope I wouldn't lose my current best friends. I probably have some very overblown expectations about this though. I always dream how I would meet some new cool friends, maybe even find a relationship. I am quite an anxious person, especially socially anxious which I'd also hope I would have to overcome a bit. But I probably wouldn't magically become more extroverted, and less anxious. I might even just be unable to make any friends there, but I'd hope that I would be kind of forced to make some and get out of my shell so to speak. Suddenly having to do everything by myself, while having a job, in a foreign country might be too much though.

Also another random thing that I would like about this is I would kind of like to change my name at the same time and I am fantasizing that it would work out nicely. I don't dislike my name too much, but I feel like I would like a different one much more, and that it would kind of help me become myself more or something? I don't really want to change my name legally, I am more thinking that I would just start telling people that my name is <name I like more>, so it would kind of be more like a nickname. Yeah, writing that out I should probably try telling some friends to just start calling me by the name, even though I feel like they would just be like why and cringe a bit.

I know I am probably fantasizing about studying abroad too much, and that it wouldn't be that great, studying abroad most likely wouldn't help me find a relationship or anything, but I'd think it would definitely force me to become more independent. I feel like I am once again coming up on quite a big decision in my life and I am still not really sure how to proceed. Did anyone here study abroad, for the whole degree, or even as an exchange student - Erasmus or similar stuff? Any other thoughts would be appreciated too. Thank you for reading, I hope my writing isn't too much of a messy stream of thoughts.

Edit: Thanks to everyone for your responses, you are all so nice, uplifting and motivating <3. I will definitely be seriously researching much more about studying abroad, and while I can't guarantee I'll go forward with this plan, I'll try working towards it for now. I still have almost 2 months to decide, and if I decide to go ahead with it, it would still be at least a year away. But I promise to you guys, that I will at least move out of my parents house for my sanity, one way or another.

I’m moving from the Midwest to California on Tuesday to start graduate school (I’ve been in an post-baccalaureate research position for the last two years). I’ve been so busy packing and making sure I see friends that I think it hasn’t truly hit me yet. I’ve lived around Chicago my whole life, even during college, so I suppose I’m a bit nervous about the change of location and being so far from friends and family. I’m incredibly excited of course to begin this new phase, but nervous nonetheless.

Have any of you all ever had big moves in the past? Any advice for settling in a new locale?

I'm moving out: in the coming weeks I'll move to an apartment in Ankara, Turkey. This is the first time I'll have a home of my own, and the first time I live in an apartment as opposed to our detached family home. I wonder if any of you have tips for a 25yo master's student moving out and changing city!