Hey Tildians,

This is going to be a really long post that is an ongoing search and conversation I am having with myself. Its going to be about religion and culture. Sorry for the shitty title, I am really bad at coming up with titles, I tend to ramble a lot.

I'm currently going through a crisis both of faith and cultural identity. Not because I am questioning either, but because I have never had either. I'm a white man from america. Growing up as a kid, my parents gave me the option to look at religions and choose one if any that spoke to me. None did, so I didn't go for a long time. In high school I attended Methodist Church every weekend because I felt pressured by my Boy Scout troop to be Christian, the Methodist Church let us use their church for our meetings despite none of the troop being members of the church, and the priest there at the time was a really great guy that I liked a lot. I spent a lot of time talking about faith with him and eventually, he said to me "let's face it, you don't believe the things I am preaching. That is completely fine. You're welcome in the church, it'll always be home, I'm always here to talk about faith or life or anything, but you don't believe in Christianity and you owe it to yourself to try and find something you do believe." And he was right, I didn't. So I studied a few things here and there and none ever stuck. So I've just been agnostic. But I desperately want to believe in a religion and have a sense of community and just, something to tie my individual beliefs to the world and know other people feel the same way I do.

Similarly, I grew up pretty much "American". I know my heritage is from Ireland, Poland, UK, Croatia, Germany because I did reports on ancestry in school, but they've never been a part of my identity. We never talk about being from Poland other than explaining to people why my last name is spelled the way it is (WHICH IS STUPID BECAUSE IT'S NOT A WEIRD SPELLING OR PRONOUNCED DIFFERENT THAN IT LOOKS). It just isn't a thing. I've always envied my friends whose families are very proud and invested in their heritage. And that's not for a lack of trying, I've tried to get invested in them, but there aren't really communities around me for it, my family doesn't give a shit, and even if I did, I'm like 15% everything so it doesn't feel like I'm REALLY from that culture. I guess that's why some people are so extreme about being American. They're such a mix of so many different European countries that if a parent isn't invested in a specific culture, it's hard to identify with any single one, so they rally behind America. It is all they have.

I don't know. It's very weird crisis that came out of nowhere in the stupidest ways (rewatching avatar and then having a crisis of faith looking at a chacra candle in a used book store). I've realized that I am paralyzed by the lack of a foundation of my identity. Personality traits and political views and hobbies are all malleable and change over time and so what I define myself as now could be completely gone and irrelevant in 2 years time and something about that terrifies me. It makes me wish there was something I could tie myself to that doesn't change, like what country my family is from. And if not that, an felling like I undestand the world around me would be great, and something religion provides. Also, the community wouldn't be something I'd hate to have.

Tangentially to this, I'm having a weird relationship with faith in another way. I keep finding myself gravitating towards budhism. I don't know why, but it just is what I keep ending up looking at. I have 6 different bibles, a torrah, and a quran that I've read. None feel quite right. I keep ending up reading more about budism. But I feel SO WEIRD about it. It feels like I'm that white dude everyone hates that wont stop talking about budism. I don’t know. I know I shouldn’t let the outside world’s perceptions affect my religious views. But that doesn’t mean it is easy not to.

Guess to make this more of a convo I’ll ask some questions to generate discussion:

Religious folks: How has growing up with a religion effected your life? Do you think you’d be a drastically different person without it?

Atheists: How weird does this sound to you? Did you go through a similar crisis before landing on atheism

People who grew up with a strong cultural identity: How has that effected your life? Are you generally happy that you have that identity and community? Were there ever times you wished you weren’t a part of it?

...Sunday isn't that far from Thursday...

...I'm sorry!

Here's a list of a lot of things that came out in this past week, mostly up through Friday. Of course, there's no way to be completely comprehensive with this and I avoided including things where information was too lacking, so feel free to mention anything that isn't on here that you think is worth mentioning. Beyond that, if you have any thoughts of any of these albums, it would be great to hear them :)

AJR - Neotheater (Electropop, Trap [EDM]) || Song.link - Spotify

Alan Parsons - The Secret (AOR) || Song.link - Spotify

Aldous Harding - Designer (Singer/Songwriter, Contemporary Folk) || Song.link - Spotify

Amon Tobin - Fear in a Handful of Dust (Electroacoustic, Progressive Electronic) || Song.link - Spotify

Aries - Juramento Mantarraya (Art Pop, Indie Pop, Psychedelic Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Awaken I Am - The Beauty In Tragedy (Post-Hardcore) || Song.link - Spotify

Bailen - Thrilled To Be Here (Indie Rock, Americana) || Song.link - Spotify

Bear's Den - So That You Might Hear Me (Indie Folk, Indie Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Billie Marten - Feeding Seahorses by Hand (Singer/Songwriter) || Song.link - Spotify

blackbear - ANONYMOUS (Alternative R&B) || Song.link - Spotify

Black Zone Magick Chant - Voyage Sacrifice (Ambient, Drone) || Song.link - Spotify

Catfish and the Bottlemen - The Balance (Indie Rock, Post-Punk Revival) || Song.link - Spotify

Chelou - Out Of Sight (Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Claude Fontaine - Claude Fontaine (Psychedelic Pop, Bossa nova, Pop Reggae) || Song.link - Spotify

Co Cash - F.A.C.T.S. (Trap Rap) || Song.link - Spotify

Craig Finn (of the Holy Steady) - I Need A New War (Singer/Songwriter) || Song.link - Spotify

The Cranberries - In the End (Pop Rock, Alternative Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

The Damned Things - High Crimes (Hard Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Danko Jones - A Rock Supreme (Hard Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Delsbo Beach Club - A burger in Åkersberga (Indie Pop, Indie Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

DJ Nate - Take Off Mode (Footwork) || Song.link - Spotify

Dub Trio - The Shape of Dub to Come (Math Rock, Dub) || Song.link - Spotify

Dylan Scott - Nothing to Do Town (Dylan Scott) || Song.link - Spotify

El Momo a.k.a Mario Maher - Sueños reales (Hip Hop) || Song.link - Spotify

Ezra Collective - You Can't Steal My Joy (Jazz Fusion) || Song.link - Spotify

Farruko - Gangalee (Reggaeton) || Song.link - Spotify

Foxygen - Seeing Other People (Glam Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

George Benson - Walking to New Orleans (Rock & Roll, Rhythm & Blues) || Song.link - Spotify

The Get Ahead - Deepest Light (Americana) || Song.link - Spotify

Guided by Voices - Warp and Woof (Indie Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Hannah Cohen - Welcome Home (Art Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Hardline - Life (Hard Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Hembree - House On Fire (Alternative Rock, Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Hillsong United - People (CCM) || Song.link for "LIVE/VISUAL" - for "LIVE" - Spotify

IamSu! - Its Always Pure Love (West Coast Hip Hop) || Song.link - Spotify

In the Valley Below - The Pink Chateau (Indie Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Jackie Mendoza - LuvHz (Indie Pop, Psychedelic Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Jacob Latimore - Connection2 (Pop Rap) || Song.link - Spotify

James TW - Chapters (Singer/Songwriter) || Song.link - Spotify

JJ Cale - Stay Around (Blues Rock, Country Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Josefin Öhrn + The Liberation - Sacred Dreams (Art Pop, Psychedelic Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Josh Ritter - Fever Breaks (Indie Folk, Folk Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Justin Garner - Imprint (Contemporary R&B) || Song.link - Spotify

Justin Moore - Late Nights and Longnecks (Contemporary Country) || Song.link - Spotify

Kelly Finnigan - The Tales People Tell (Soul) || Song.link - Spotify

Kevin Abstract - ARIZONA BABY (Alternative R&B, Pop Rap) || Song.link - Spotify

Kevin Morby - Oh My God (Singer/Songwriter, Folk Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Kiefer Sutherland - Reckless & Me (Country Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

King Gizzard & The Lizard Wizard - Fishing For Fishies (Boogie Rock, Psychedelic Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Lamb - The Secret Of Letting Go (Art Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Local Natives - Violet Street (Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Lord Dying - Mysterium Tremendum (Sludge Metal) || Song.link - Spotify

Maddie & Tae - One Heart To Another EP (Contemporary Country) || Song.link - Spotify

Marina - LOVE+FEAR (Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Marissa Nadler And Stephen Brodsky - Droneflower (Singer/Songwriter, Ethereal Wave) || Song.link - Spotify

Matt Martians - The Last Party (Alternative R&B) || Song.link - Spotify

The Mountain Goats - In League With Dragons (Indie Folk, Singer/Songwriter) || Song.link - Spotify

NBA Big B - 5th God (Trap Rap) || Song.link - Spotify

New Years Day - Unbreakable (Alternative Metal, Alternative Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Nick Murphy (AKA Chet Faker) - Run Fast Sleep Naked (Indietronica) || Song.link - Spotify

Nils Lofgren - Blue With Lou (Heartland Rock, Singer/Songwriter) || Song.link - Spotify

Olivia O'Brien - Was It Even Real? (Contemporary R&B) || Song.link - Spotify

OLSSON - Tropical Cologne (Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

OMB Peezy - Preacher To the Streets (West Coast Hip Hop) || Song.link - Spotify

Otoboke Beaver - Itekoma Hits! (Hardcore Punk) || Song.link - Spotify

P!nk - Hurts 2B Human (Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Party Favor - Layers (Trap [EDM]) || Song.link - Spotify

Peakes - Absent In Person EP (Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Peter Doherty & The Puta Madres (Indie Pop, Folk Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

The Pilgrim - Walking Into The Forest (Psychedelic Rock, Folk Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Pure Bathing Culture - Night Pass (Dream Pop, Chillwave) || Song.link - Spotify

Radical Face - Therapy EP (Indie Pop, Folk Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Rob Thomas - Chip Tooth Smile (Pop Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Rodrigo y Gabriela - Mettavolution (Acoustic Rock, Flamenco nuevo) || Song.link - Spotify

ScHoolboy Q - CrasH Talk (Pop Rap) || Song.link - Spotify

Sid Le Rock - Scenic Route (Electronic, House) || Song.link - Spotify

Sneakk - SAY LESS (Contemporary R&B) || Song.link - Spotify

SOAK - Grim Town (Singer/Songwriter) || Song.link - Spotify

Spotlights - Love & Decay (Post-Metal, Atmospheric Sludge Metal) || Song.link - Spotify

The Story Changes - To Hell With This Delicate Equation (Alternative Rock, Emo-Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Sublime With Rome - Blessings (Ska Punk) || YouTube for "Light On" - for "Wicked Heart" - Spotify

SUNN O))) - Life Metal (Drone Metal) || Song.link - Spotify

Teen Daze - Bioluminescence (Chillwave) || Song.link - Spotify

Tesla - Shock (Hard Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Tiny Fighter - Tell Me EP (Indie Rock, Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Trade Wind - Certain Freedoms (Alternative Rock) || Song.link - Spotify

Various Artists - For the Throne (Music Inspired by the HBO Series Game of Thrones) (Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Various Artists - UglyDolls (Original Motion Picture Soundtrack) (Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Walker Lukens - Adult (Pop Rock, Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

The Well - Death And Consolation (Stoner Rock, Doom Metal) || Song.link - Spotify

Winnetka Bowling League - Cloudy With A Chance Of Sun EP (Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

YFL Kelvin - Neva Lookin Back (Trap Rap) || Song.link - Spotify

Your Heart Breaks - Drone Butch Blues (Indie Folk, Indie Pop) || Song.link - Spotify

Spotify Master playlist, all albums (minus the two 'various artist' sets above)

Notes:
If you spot any mistakes please let us know.

Thank you to @Cleb, @cfabbro, and @Amarok for the help!

Hillsong United - People || has two versions? live and live/visual. linked both since they have different results.
Sublime With Rome - Blessings || album not due til May 31. linked 2 youtube singles, and spotify has 4 tracks.