Today's problem description: https://adventofcode.com/2024/day/17

Please post your solutions in your own top-level comment. Here's a template you can copy-paste into your comment to format it nicely, with the code collapsed by default inside an expandable section with syntax highlighting (you can replace python with any of the "short names" listed in this page of supported languages):

<details>
<summary>Part 1</summary>

```python
Your code here.
```

</details>

I started writing some lyrics and I like the idea of sharing them with whomever wants to use them. Personally, it's an extra motivator to know your writing might be useful for something.

So, I'm looking for a platform where I can dump my ramblings basically xD. I mostly don't want a "free" platform funded by advertisements. Everything else (e.g. built on FOSS, federated) is a plus. Let's not make the perfect the enemy of the good.

Thanks =)

Today's problem description: https://adventofcode.com/2024/day/18

Please post your solutions in your own top-level comment. Here's a template you can copy-paste into your comment to format it nicely, with the code collapsed by default inside an expandable section with syntax highlighting (you can replace python with any of the "short names" listed in this page of supported languages):

<details>
<summary>Part 1</summary>

```python
Your code here.
```

</details>

Today's problem description: https://adventofcode.com/2024/day/11

Please post your solutions in your own top-level comment. Here's a template you can copy-paste into your comment to format it nicely, with the code collapsed by default inside an expandable section with syntax highlighting (you can replace python with any of the "short names" listed in this page of supported languages):

<details>
<summary>Part 1</summary>

```python
Your code here.
```

</details>

Yesterday, while doing a regular load of laundry, the glass on the front of our washer completely shattered. My current theory is that it was a temperature thing. The washer is in our unheated basement, and I wash my clothes on hot (I know, but it helps with my allergies!), so I’m wondering if the repeated heating and cooling stressed the glass over time.

Anyway, the washer is about 7 years old, and almost certainly in need of replacement (small shards of glass got in the drum and internal mechanisms because it kept turning for a bit before we ran down to our basement and turned it off).

I have three main questions:

1. We’re potentially looking at an all-in-one washer + dryer machine, but have read mixed reviews. Anyone have hands on experience with these and can speak to them? We do have a working dryer currently, but it is late in its life.

2. To avoid the same problem we had with this one, we’re looking at top-loaders instead of front-loaders, but I’ve heard they have balancing issues. Anyone have experience with these?

3. Regardless of configuration, does anyone have specific model recommendations/avoids?

We just looked at long and short series -- now it's time to do the same for individual books!

What's a long book that's worth its long page count?

Like before, I'm leaving length entirely open to interpretation.

While I consider this resolved at time of posting, this is one of my weirder, more unexpected tech issues I've run into and I thought y'all might enjoy it.

I'd been having issues with my (Ubuntu) server where its services were unavailable, I couldn't SSH in, and USB devices plugged in after the issues started weren't connecting (mouse LED would light up, couldn't toggle keyboard locks or interface computer with the devices). These issues were becoming a near daily occurrence.

So after the most recent incident I decided to watch it boot. After grub, it would just hang at a black screen. So I opted for the recovery mode and after waiting some minutes for services to time out, I was given a terminal and used that to check my devices, sensors, etc and all were reading fine.

Frustrated, I started reviewing what else could have possibly changed with my setup, and I found that change in my hand. I use my server's front USBs as a low current charger and had recently got a new vape battery that was charging at that moment.

I unplugged the battery, rebooted, everything was fine. Plugged the battery in, everything locked up again immediately.

I had been using a spare cable, it had data wired. Swapping for the included power only cable, and no issues.

While I'm curious as to what exactly is happening and why, I'm satisfied enough concluding it is a cheap vape (I mean, I'm having to charge the sucker near daily after all) that is transmitting junk over data and the OS doesn't handle it appropriately. I'll pull logs or do another couple tests if other folks are curious as well though.

Oh, and the battery is a Bear Rootz Sol. Come to think of it, my other worst battery at holding a charge was also a Bear Rootz.

Well, I guess that's an internet meltdown avoided by the DLC not winning this year. But it's interesting a 3D platformer just beat a Soulslike action game and two big JRPGs. I think Astro Bot definitely deserves it, it's such a fun and charming game! Of course, this is all just a marketing thing and doesn't really matter.

As part of a weekly series, these topics are a place for users to casually discuss the things they did — or didn't do — during their week. Did you accomplish any goals? Suffer a failure? Do nothing at all? Tell us about it!

Update: https://tildes.net/~health.mental/1hnb/struggling_with_nihilism_and_the_inability_to_enjoy_things#comment-e8s1

Preface #1: I know the first response with something like this will be "go see a therapist" - I have been in therapy for over a decade now. There are a lot of things it has helped with (specifically trauma-focused), but nihilism is not something I've been able to get help with. The help has ranged from things like "focus on the micro over the macro" (which I think is probably the best advice, but also can be boiled down to "don't think" and I can't not think), to "find religion" (for me at least: religion doesn't breed hope, hope breeds religion), to "I don't know how to help, I can't relate to that" (...not all therapist are good).

Preface #2: I know the quick response to "life is meaningless" is "so make your own!" but I absolutely despise that logic. If everything is meaningless, than that means making your own meaning is meaningless. It's self-defeating in and of itself. That said, I don't really care about "meaning" anyway. I personally view things as "irrelevant", as if you dig deep enough you get to a point where everything is relevant to nothing. And the conclusion to draw from that is: "it's irrelevant that everything is irrelevant" - similar meaning, but checks out logically significantly better to me. But this has it's own problems that I will go in below.

Preface #3: I know the quick response to the inability to enjoy things is "you don't enjoy things because you are depressed." What I'm positing is the inverse, "I no longer enjoy things, and it's causing me to be depressed." I'm very much not saying the former doesn't happen and I've gone through time periods like that. What I am saying is that the latter is also true, and I'm sure that other people who have dealt with depression for decades understands both "My depression is causing this to happen" and "This is causing my depression to flare" happen.

To give quick context for myself: I had become a nihilistic atheist by the time I graduated elementary school; I had a rather traumatic childhood and my official diagnosis is (C-)PTSD and all the offshoots that come from it like depression and anxiety (Bringing up as I recognize myself these are thoughts that, according to the DSM/ICD, would be from someone with mental disorders). This led to things like dropping out of high school and becoming a mute hikikomori. To make a long story short, in my late teens I got to a point of either suicide or completely revamping my life with the belief that enjoyment could be found via actually being social (friends and dating) and proper self-sufficiency/money. I chose the latter for one simple reason: there was nothing to lose, so just trust the process. It took over a decade of constant self improvement, but I became a sociable person part of different clubs and hosting my own parties/gatherings with a very active dating life. I also got my degree in comp sci and have done quite well for myself with that. And a lot on top of that just in terms of trying to make the most out of life.

Unfortunately, none of that actually helped. Having to mask to be able to be social/date is exhausting and frankly people suck, and wasting life working 9-5 one of the most depressing things to me. The reason I bring this up is because I did really fucking try, I tried the stuff that everyone says brings happiness - but it don't. And it's all just so irrelevant.

Over the last half decade or so, I just can't bring myself to care about anything. And I mean anything, even super simple things. I'll talk to people or listening to a song and think "why do I care what you have to say?". I'll watch a movie or read a book and can't keep focus because seriously who cares about these imaginary things some person thought up? People I know die and I'll just think "yeah that happens." And the absolute worst for me was when it came for knowledge. Because knowledge was the thing I always cared above all else. But what does "knowing things" matter if "things" don't matter to me?

Which brings me back to preface #2. Everything is irrelevant, but it's irrelevant that it's irrelevant. Except that society demands relevancy to justify ones own existence within it. It's not possible to live an irrelevant life and be part of society. I personally really only see two options: reject society or embrace absurdism.

Speaking strictly personally, I do not see rejecting society as a means of living an enjoyable life. Mostly because I know it will lead to me living out of my car again, spending my time embracing hedonism via drugs and alcohol to fuel escapism until the end comes. And if in the end I'm just going to fuel escapism, why not just escape to begin with?

Absurdism is mostly what I fed into while "turning my life around". But I do have issues with it. One is how much it feels like the "this is fine" fire meme; it recognizes the problem but then rejects that it's a problem. This is fine if "life" itself is not a problem and you are able to enjoy your time regardless (after all, the problem itself is irrelevant so yeah just reject it as a problem), but then that gets to my second and main issue: if you don't enjoy life, what defense against suicide does absurdism have? Yes there is the whole thing of "suicide just adds to the absurdity by claiming meaning is needed" but that's only if you are committing suicide because life has no meaning. I don't care that life is irrelevant, I care that life fucking sucks. Suicide then is not rejecting the lack of meaning, it's rejecting time spent unenjoyably.

I've been able to get through things being both meaningless and unenjoyable with the belief that things would become enjoyable. Now I'm nearly 40 years old, things have played out, and I do not buy into it anymore. Either life needs to be enjoyable, or there needs to be some relevancy to it. Which, I reject the later as even being knowable as a human. Which leaves the former.

Which then comes to the silly question, how do you just enjoy things?

I am able to recognize one of my issues with enjoying things: In order to raise my emotional floor, I have embraced being stoic. Things happen that are out of our control. Things are lost, hardships are had, people die. They are simply facts of life. The problem is that it also prevents enjoying things - enjoyable things are also out of your control, so do not embrace them for they will be gone. Which, moments in time then neither "good" or "bad", they simple are just moments in time. Every moment is simply some indefinite, irrelevant moment in time.

Which, kind of tied to that as well, but another issue I recognize: as I have understood my own trauma and how it's affected me, I've really understood just how much is deterministic in life. Which is especially sad in the case of trauma responses, and how much society basically double downs on the trauma (just easy eg of how "hysterical women" have been treated throughout history, but look at the overlap of BPD and traumatic childhoods).

But now these are not just moments in time, but determined yet irrelevant moments in time.

But that still doesn't preclude enjoying things. And I guess that's mostly what I'm for the search for in life, to figure out what things I actually enjoy/how to actually enjoy things I want to enjoy. Because enjoying life is certainly enough, but that requires life to be enjoyable.

And it's actually part of why I'm even posting this. With all the different ways I've changed my life and such, I've tried to look back at what was actually enjoyable. And long-form text communication is definitely the way I prefer to communicate (oh do I miss when 'social media' was forums). I also recognize the importance of being part of more smaller, tighter-knit communities compared to being a blob in a mass. So it's part looking for help, and part just trying to get back into posting on smaller communities.

But I also feel like I'm all over the place and I do apologize for that. I think to try to summarize to bring the points clearer...like I said before, life either needs to be enjoyable or there needs to be some kind of relevancy to it. So either how do you find relevancy/where am I wrong on that, or how do you find enjoyment (and I don't mean "try new hobbies until you find what you enjoy!" kind of stuff - I've already ran that gauntlet. I'm not asking where to find enjoyment, I'm asking how to feel enjoyment; how are you able to care about things might be a better war to phrase it)?