For now.
Hi everyone. Hello to all the new faces who don't know my name - (or how out of character it is that there are capital letters in this post!) This isn't really for you - or for anyone in...
Hi everyone.
Hello to all the new faces who don't know my name - (or how out of character it is that there are capital letters in this post!) This isn't really for you - or for anyone in particular I guess; I just wanted to write something to those who have followed my work on here.
So, you.
Howdy.
It's been a minute.
I just wanted to give you all a quick update; let you know that I'm safe. I've had a few of you reach out to me since my last post. I hope I didn't scare anybody.
For those interested - things... aren't all that better now, hahaha. Sorry.
But the good news is, they're trending up in a really good way.
I've decided to stop drinking for awhile; I figured that isn't really helping my cause at this point. I'll pick that back up when there's something worth celebrating, when I'm in better company, and when I'm back in control of myself.
I've started getting a lot more interviews for work; shouldn't be long now until I have a position landed and I'm back to being a functioning adult.
And uh - I started therapy. Been about a month now. I like my therapist, they're very sweet, very weird in a fun/eclectic kind of way. (My kinda person.) And that's been going well.
In fact, that's part of this.
It's not just Tildes I abandoned.
I've let a lot of very important people to be fall to the wayside lately - total isolation. Tonight, I started calling them back, apologizing, letting them know what was going on. And that's gone well so far.
Now I'm here doing the same for you.
I don't know if I'll be back on Tildes all too frequently. There's a lot on here I might just need to let rest.
So I just wanted to say that I'm here. I love you. I'm sorry. And, bye.
For now.
eyes crackle openhalf past three
stomach on fire and
my body feels meek
i stumble out my chair
and here the creak in my knees
you're only in your twenties
and you're living ninety
.
my head feels funny
and i'm tired of the numbing
and there's too much week
at the end of my money
a little bumblebee lost
wishing for his honey
beat my head against the hive
until the world starts buzzing
and it falls.
.
and i
set
foot
down
on that unpaved road
step
forward like an orphan
on a search for a home
walk
forward hand to God
if he answers my call
honey (i'll) be
leaving for now
hope it won't be long
.
soul
full of gravel and
a heart made of gold
imma
face my music and
play my song
send
me down to hell
if it rights my wrongs
honeybee
i'm leaving for now
hope it won't be long.