My best friend is getting married soon and it’s a black tie event. I’m in a privileged position, I want to spend a little extra to dress well (some friendly fashion competition between the men, and my own vanity).

What I know: I want a tuxedo that will fit & look nicer than a rental from Men’s Wearhouse. I really like a tailored suit I bought from Suit Supply, but I’d rather not buy a tuxedo I’ll likely only wear once.

What I don’t know: Anything about businesses other than Men’s Wearhouse that do tuxedo rentals.

Does anyone have suggestions for businesses they’ve personally rented tuxedos from?

Some of the tuxedos at Suit Supply sell for around $750 USD. How much do non-Men’s Wearhouse tuxedo rentals cost?

Does a tailored tuxedo look that much better than a rental to justify buying instead of renting?

What's the skill?

How did you pick it up?

Did you intend to learn it, or was it more of a product of circumstance?

How did you go about learning it?

The skills can be anything, and they don't have to be life skills! Maybe you just learned how to, say, rocket jump in Quake? Tell us about it!

I have two giant drawers right now that are complete rats’ nests. Cables of every kind and type, all mixed together. You can’t tell where one cable ends and another begins.

It is at the point where I recently needed a cable that I know that I have, but it was easier and less stressful to just order a new one than try to find it in the mess.

Ideally, I’d have cables that are neatly organized, not tangled together, easily identifiable, and space efficient, but I honestly have no idea how to make this happen.

Anyone have any tips?

tl;dr - Is it normal for 6 year olds to randomly start throwing massive tantrums. My son up to this point has been very mild mannered and not prone to getting upset. But the last few weeks have been insane.

My son (6) has been going through something that is just really challenging the heck out of me. It started a few weeks ago when we were getting ready to leave for trip to visit family a few states away. He complained that his stomach hurt and began sobbing and begging to take a bath. So we accommodated and let him take 3 baths in a single day because we figured he just wasn't feeling well. We scheduled a doctor's appointment and the doctor just suggested a bland diet for a day and see how it plays out. After that he didn't really seem to have any issues, so we went ahead with our trip.

The hours-long drive didn't seem to faze him at all and we arrived safe and sound, despite a heavy rainstorm on the way. Over the course of the trip, every time we tried to drive somewhere to meet up with family, he'd claim he was sick and if we pushed on it, he'd throw a tantrum. Which is very unlike him, to be clear. And anytime we weren't talking about a car ride, he was acting pretty normal. We thought maybe it was anxiety from the drive there? The rainstorm was very intense at times, and I can see how that could be incredibly scary for a kid.

We spent the rest of the trip hyping him up for the drive home. My wife and I both have anxiety disorders, so we tried to help him understand that we knew how he felt and offered some advice (in a 6yo friendly way, to the best of our abilities). We also maintained a relatively bland diet for him in case he actually was feeling sick. But anyway we were absolutely dreading the ride home.

Just getting him and his sister in the car proved to be the absolute worst day of my parenting life. He threw the tantrum of tantrums, which set his sister off and she kept trying to escape from the car. Meanwhile it was 90F+ outside and our car's AC doesn't really kick in until you start driving. I was hot, upset, angry, scared, frustrated and just not operating at peak parental power. There was a lot of yelling, a lot of trying to hold them into their seats so I could buckle them, and all of it obviously just made the situation worse. I really fucked it up and I'm still trying to work through it all.

Long story short, we ended up separating him and his sister, with him driving home with us and his sister driving home with my parents. Once his sister was out of the car, he calmed down and we were able to leave. The plan was to just drive off and get some gas, let them both calm down, then pick her back up.

I had to go on a work trip shortly after that trip, so I was away for most last week. In that time my wife didn't try to take the kids anywhere, for fear of having a repeat incident, but solo and outnumbered by the kids. When I got back I started trying to hype my son up for the car ride to his and his sister's 6th birthday party the next day. He tried to negotiate saying maybe we could just walk instead of drive. I explained, "no it's a short car ride, but we couldn't walk there".

When the time came to take him to the party, he threw a tantrum, but I redirected using my car's remote start fob (he really liked that) and I talked him down a bit. The ride to the party was fine, as was the return trip. Then yesterday we did a trip to Gamestop so he could pick out a birthday present for himself and again the trip both ways was fine (with zero tantrum!). Although he has yet to get in the car with his sister since we got back from our trip a few weeks back and he has specifically called out not wanting to be in the car with her.

BUT the last two nights he's started throwing the exact same type of tantrums at bedtime, claiming he can only sleep in our bed and he's sick and his legs hurt and all these other things. When told no, he screams bloody murder, starts kicking and hitting, and it's really difficult for me to handle that. The tantrums of course set his sister off and then we have two 6yo twins feeding off each other's sadness and anger like two colliding hurricanes.

Is this just normal 6 year old stuff? I know they're still learning to regulate emotions and so maybe that's it? His sister went through something like this a few months ago, but it was exclusively about bedtime. She'd throw massive tantrums at bedtime while he'd just quietly go to bed. So that kind of reinforces that this is just a growth spurt of some sort? But I'm getting concerned it's something else, but I don't know what?

Well, I have a lot of stuff going on.

In May, I graduated with my Bachelor's degree in Computer Science. That was good, and I was glad to do so. After that I took a short well deserved break. It feels so good not to have to go to class and listen to a lecture from a lecturer who doesn't want to be there.

Now that I have my degree, I need to find a job that uses that degree. (or any thing remotely related) That may sound simple enough, but it is tough.

I don't know what I want to do with my degree. That's hard for me to say, but it's true. Like I have always been looked at as someone who was "smart" and "had it together" or "had a straight path". Very much not. Anyway, I don't know what all that degree qualifies me for. I know it opens me up to the development field. I did a lot of programming through college and between, but it's not something I really enjoy. I am not particularly bad at it. It just not something I really want to be doing 100% of the time all the time. Then there is the IT field. I am not so sure where I really would like to go in IT though. Support is not really an ideal place for me. I am terrified of the idea of having to talk on a phone. I can do in person support better. Then there is infrastructure. I am kinda interested in infrastructure, but it is huge. I don't even know what to look for in that area. I am just a kid with a CS degree, I don't have this figured out.

I live in the middle of nowhere. or at least it feels like it (rural central Arkansas) You have to really look at the next city over for anything. Even then most things I see are out of the capital. There is nothing bad about any of this. I got my degree in the next city over, drove there every day. The capital is only 40 - 50 minutes away.

It feels like everyone wants to see experience. Either directly or indirectly. This is hard for me. I don't have any professional experience at all. I have some personal projects I have worked on. I do have those listed in my resume. I don't feel that helps that much. I spent my time getting that degree, not working.

Family is troublesome. In many many ways. They are always like "you need to get a job", "have you found anything yet", "are you filling out a job application". Like please leave me alone about this. I am doing what I am doing. You don't have to know every single thing about me. I am me, not you. Troublesome and frustrating. Another thing is they are stuck in the past. Two of them are going deaf. One of them is nuts, and does not know how to respect privacy at all. Its a lot. It leaves me with an annoying bootstrapping problem I have to solve. I still live with my parents, with my grandparents next house over. I have to get a place that is away from family. To do that I need to get a job. To really look hard, and even want to do so and not just do some and get frustrated, I need to get away from family. There are solutions. Just go elsewhere and look for stuff. Not easy when they always want to know where you are all the damn time. Always wanting you to keep them updated and know where you are. I have a few tricks, location services is very inaccurate when wifi is turned off. I also can just say "I am going somewhere", and when they ask more I just say "I am 23 blooming years old". Not the kind of trouble I want to go through all time. Family is frustrating. Even more so, when you are an introvert and just want to be alone for a while. When you get into actually doing something, they come to you to ask about something. "do you know where this [item] is?", "I need you to do this [task]". It's like they can sense when you are actually focus or are just vibing or actually happy. They go on and complain that you snap at them. When they were the ones that were interrupting a rare moment of focus, or appear out of nowhere. Annoying to say the least. Never the one to actually win. By default, "I am older and know more then you", "I gave birth to you". Saying I am in trouble when I do nothing wrong. Like when I got in trouble for going to my grandparents house early in the morning during the summer. Lost all trust that summer. Or when I shared some cinnamon rolls that I bought with my grandparents. Got into trouble for not bringing my parents any. It was just a kind gesture and I am made to feel like I don't care about anybody over it. Troublesome and difficult.

If you just read all that, thanks. I promise I am decently put together in real life. That is rawer then I would usually like to put out.

So far I still don't have a good title for this post so I guess I'll just add some more.
I have not found anything yet. I have not applied to many places yet. I did apply to a regional ISP and got an interview, but was rejected for lack of work history to show I can deal with phone support, and for potential lack of clarity. I applied to a local audio cable manufacturer, but was caught by ats or lack of checking. Actually applied to their website for that one. I have asked some of the local Facebook groups "who was hiring locally in CS / IT fields". I got a few responses from it. A pyramid scheme. Someone who would look at their employer. They didn't have anything open, but at least they have my information now. Someone who is likely looking more so for a general laborer then an IT person. I still kinda want to hear them out, but they still haven't said anything else to me. I have brushed up my LinkedIn. I have also signed up for more accounts then I would have liked. I have talked with a local employment agency, but I don't think they will find anything like what I am looking for.

Well, its a process, and I am just at the beginning. If you do have any advice for my job search I would be glad to read it.

TLDR: Dotz graduated and is looking for a job, then rants about family.

As some of you on here may know, I was made redundant from my Assistant Commercial Reporting Analyst job three months ago and have been struggling to find permanent work since. Many of my interactions with recruiters and hiring managers have been negative and have felt like they were wasting my time, but one particular (ongoing) experience has taken the cake.

In mid-April, I applied for an Assistant Client Accountant position through LinkedIn. The role was with a large property management and building consultancy firm (offices based in the UK & France), who have some pretty big-name clients. Fully office-based, advertised pay between £25k - £29k (already similar payscales to what credit control and purchase ledger roles near me are offering), and the position ideally asked for fully AAT qualified or ACCA part-qualified candidates (I have full AAT membership, am 3 exams into my ACCA, and have over 6 years experience in previous accounting and financial reporting roles.)

Nine weeks later, I am still going through this application process which has been nothing short of a shitshow:

• It has taken multiple weeks to schedule and conduct interviews for each stage, due to unanswered emails and heavily delayed responses from both the Finance and HR teams. I had emailed on nine separate occasions to schedule the the second and third stage interviews I was invited to, and only twice did I get replies. At first I was told it was due to staff sickness, but then the trend of replying in business weeks just kept going on, even after the third-stage (which I'll get to.)

• The first stage interview was a 15 - 30 minute phone interview going through my CV and salary expectations. Stages 2 and 3 involved a series of hour-long competency based interviews, one conducted via Teams and the other in-person with the Head of Finance. This is already a ridiculous number of hoops to jump through for an office-based role with this salary level.

• During the third-stage interview (3rd June) I was asked a lot of supervisory/leadership questions which I honestly didn't expect. It made me question whether I was being interviewed for the correct role, so I checked the job description of what I applied for. Only 4 of the 590 words contained within the job advert even alluded to me leading junior colleagues - so maybe it was easily missed?

• On the 5th June (two days after my third-stage interview), I received an email from HR thanking me for accepting the Client Accountant position and asking me to confirm RTW (right-to-work) details. The thing is... I never received an offer letter, and after immediately chasing this up I found out the email was sent to me by mistake. This HR rep apologized and said they'd chase feedback. I emailed twice to chase this feedback and promised it would be coming.

• Today when I emailed again to chase feedback, the HR advisor responded to raise concerns about the salary expectations I communicated in the first stage, insisted the role actually paid £26k at most and asked me to confirm a salary within their range. This is false (I know, I actually double-checked the job ad and even did a screen recording on my mobile of me going into the LinkedIn app and opening the job posting) and I get the impression that they're now trying to lowball me. I emailed again asking for clarification where I linked the job ads and I get the feeling they confused the salary bands with a Purchase Ledger role I applied for several months prior but was not considered for.

I will find out Monday (after nearly three weeks) if I was successful in my application, but even if they offer me the job at a reduced salary rather than outright reject me, I am already seeing a shitload of red flags.

At this point I've had enough. Normally I'd cut my ties and move on but with how desperate I've been for work and how much I feel like this company has taken me for a ride, I feel the need to take things further. Not sure whether I should (or even could) formally raise a complaint, drop some negative feedback on their Glassdoor page, or go public (with receipts) and openly name & shame the company on LinkedIn, Facebook or Instagram. The latter options feel like I'd be going nucelar and as cathartic as it would be, I'm worried it would be seen as unprofessional and hurt my future job prospects.

What would be the best way to proceed?

MLMs = "multi-level marketing" companies, which is essentially a euphemism for "pyramid scheme." These are flat out illegal in many countries, but are, notably, quite legal in the US.

They used to be huge in the 2010s, but I don't hear much about them anymore (granted, I haven't been on social media since 2016). I know several IRL people who got into them, and I even regrettably bought products from some of them before I really understood what they were or how they worked.

I recently read Hey, Hun by Emily Lynn Paulson who was toward the top of the pyramid at Rodan + Fields.

In the book she mentions that algorithmic changes from social media companies ended up downgrading a lot of MLM postings, which cut off oxygen to the cycles of recruitment that these companies rely on. For example, Rodan + Fields moved to an affiliate model in 2024.

I'm curious about what the MLM landscape looks like right now.

• Are MLMs still common?
• For those of you on social media, do you still get recruitment and sales messages?
• Have they changed their tactics or models?

People don't have to limit responses to just those questions -- consider this a general MLM discussion topic where anything related to them is fair game.

Hi all, hoping you might be able to help me. This seemed like the closest Tildes category to post in. Maybe a year ago, I noticed I had tracked something into my apartment on my shoes and it left gunk on the floor. I cleaned as best I could and most of it came off but one major spot stained. Everything I tried wouldn't take it off. Over the last year it darkened and is the darkest spot in the photo.

I was never able to clean it off or figure out exactly what I got stuck on my shoe to cause it. Until a couple days ago when it happened again. And eventually I put two and two together. There's some type of tree that drops some kind of nut or seed near the parking area and when I walk to my trunk after parking I accidentally stepped in one which smushed into my shoe and tracked into the apartment. I don't know what kind of tree or seed it is, but that's what stained it.

Now that it's happened again it's even worse and I cannot for the life of me clean this off. I have tried 409, rubbing alcohol, Goo Gone, bleach, hydrogen peroxide and nothing cleans this crap off more than it is in the photo. Even scrubbed it with a sponge scrub pad and nothing. It's a smooth surface so it's not like a chunk I can scrape off, it's just like stained the laminate floor.

Any suggestions on what else I can use to clean this gunk once and for all without damaging my apartments floor?

Thanks! Here's the photo: https://imgur.com/a/pQ5hw36

Hello everyone! I had a realization recently spurred by ongoing work stress that my partner is going through. I don't think I'm really good at providing comfort to people.

For one, I always feel very awkward when people other than close friends or romantic partners open up to me. I never quite know what to say. Something like "there there. I'm sorry you're going through that" feels really trite and rehearsed. However the other mode that I have is problem solving, which most people don't appreciate when they're going through something hard.

Secondly, I have this internal feeling about constantly providing comfort for the same thing over and over forming a sort of codependency. I went through this with a previous long term relationship. She hated her job, she would come home, cry, I'd do my "there there" thing, she'd cheer up just enough to force herself through another day, and the cycle would repeat ad nauseum. At a certain point it began to feel like I was enabling a sort of self-harm, and I was bearing much of the fallout from that self-harm. Her job would make her miserable, she'd make me miserable, eventually I'd bear enough of that misery for her to make herself miserable again. Would it have been better to just put my foot down, say I'm no longer going to comfort you for this job that is stealing all of your joy, and I will help you fix this problem, but I won't continue to soothe the pain it causes you? Maybe, but I don't know if I could bring myself to do that. Also, what happens if it's a problem without a solution? What if it's a problem that most people deal with, and you just need to sort of build emotional resilience to deal with?

I don't know the answers to these questions, and I'm not sure if anyone really does for sure, but I'm curious how other people feel about comforting people. What strategies have worked for you? Does it feel awkward? Is it something you've consciously worked on? Do you believe there's such a thing as too much comfort? Even for the people you love?

I understand that fast fashion brands aggressively cut costs to mass-produce as much trendy clothing as possible, so I'm not surprised when I see a low quality fast fashion item. However, what is surprising to me is that the clothes actually significantly vary in quality, even within the same brand. So in a fast fashion store you may find a garment made from the worst synthetic blend ever, with messy stitches that'll definitely tear apart after a single wash cycle. And then on the same shelf there'll be a fairly well-made item, from a sturdy natural fabric, with very precise seams and details. And oftentimes, those two garments will be sold at the same price point.

How does this happen? Do the fast fashion brands just randomly decide to spend more money on some of their clothes? Why don't they just make all of their clothes equally low-quality to cut costs, or make them all a bit better to increase satisfaction? How can a single company have such different quality standards for different products?

after being with my gf for a while, its become very clear to me that she really appreciate a massage. part of it is just its her love language and part of it is just that her back tends to have issues.

I'm at a place where I wouldn't necessarily be opposed to taking some massage classes to provide her a better experience but I don't really have the time for classes and I am in massive saving mode right now and classes don't seem cheap.

So the next best thing seems to be get some adequate massage tools that couples can use without much expertise but quite frankly, I don't really know what qualifies as a "good massage tool". I was wondering if anyone here has gone down that hole and would be willing to share their experience?

to give you more context on where the tool[s] would be used, she tends to like a massage on the left or right side of her back, not really much in the shoulder area and maybe a little above the bum but not much tbh.

oh and she likes it when I use my knuckles or elbows.

For me it's:

Pants below the natural waist. What can I say, I grew up during the Britney Spears' Time.

Long socks with shorts. Also, invisible socks, apparently I just hate crew or 1/4 crew socks.

ADDENDUM.
This popped up in my feed I see that no one has defended capri pants, yet...I like how at some point in society, a "cupped" clothed ass was considered so provocative.

So. I have what I'm sure is not a unique problem, but sure is an interesting one.

The people who built my house built the foundation wrong. Instead of digging a hole, then digging a deeper trench for a foundation, which insures the foundation is on compacted soil, they made a mold around the edge of the hole. Then put some sand on top.

As you can imagine, 60 years of settling has resulted in my foundation kind of sitting on tiny plateaus of compressed sand, and those plateaus are slowly eroding away. Especially in this one spot where there was water seeping in because they also did the grade wrong.

So anyhow, my understanding is that the best solution is to add a bunch of fill dirt into the 5ft "luxury crawlspace," compressor, and repeat until the dirt is at least level with the foundation footer. To the tune of approximately 60 cubic yards.

As you can imagine, this is an awful lot of dirt. And the only entrance to my crawlspace is a 10sqft hole at the back of the house, far from where dirt could be delivered.

How the hell am I supposed to do this? I feel like the most cost-effective way would be to have the exterior wall and floor of one bedroom ripped off so that the dirt can be pushed/poured directly in, and then an army of assistants spreads out the mess.

I'm sure I could ask a contractor (and will given scope of work), but I'm trying to get a rough feel for the work required so I know if I'm being completely ripped off.

Apologies if I've chosen the wrong topic for this one. My request is broad, so I'm not sure where it should go. Could have fit into an "education" topic, but that doesn't exist so… 🤷‍♂️

I stumbled onto the Manga Guide to Databases, and I'm having a lot of fun reading through it. It's reminded me of other media that is explicitly designed to teach a topic in a fun way. A few examples that stand out:

• The Little Schemer (book)- Teaches recursion in a really intuitive way through a narrative.
• Go! Go! Nippon! ~My First Trip to Japan~ (game)- Teaches you about Japan and Japanese culture through a visual novel.
• How Heavy Are the Dumbbells You Lift? (anime/manga)- Does more storytelling than teaching, but there's still a fair bit of teaching in here about how to get started working out

I really enjoy this kind of media, and I'd like to find more of it. What other media have you found that fits this description? Topic and medium doesn't matter as long as the delivery is effective. I don't even care if the media seems designed explicitly to teach the topic or if learning is just a pleasant side-effect of engaging with it.

Hello tilderinos! I'm currently on the hunt for a new job, and it's been a very long time since I've had to do any kind of real interviewing to compete for a position. I'm looking for some general tips and, if anyone is experienced in the field of education, tips specific to teacher interviews.

My strengths in interviews are that I'm generally a confident speaker, I know my field well, keep pace with recent developments, and have an enormous amount of experience to draw from.

My weaknesses are that I tend to ramble (adhd!), I lose track of multi part questions (adhd strikes again!), and I'm terrible at quickly recalling specific examples from my mountain of experience. I also feel that, especially when interviewing for positions a bit outside my experience (Eg a 2nd grade teaching position) I come across as naive at best and ignorant at worst.

I also generally have a hard time selling myself with words. I'm very much a man of action, and would love to demonstrate my skill firsthand, but that isn't terribly easy to do in an interview setting.

I hope this topic isn't too selfish of me and I appreciate any feedback I get! Thank you all.

I have grown fond of this community. But I can’t help but feel sad that I lack this connection in my flesh life.

So, how would I meet you out in the world ? When I wrack my brain I can only imagine I’d meet some of you at school, or in some cases, work ?

I don’t even know how to tell someone to meet me lol. I am pretty encouraging, so I guess if you just even make a tiny mention you want me to take interest, I will. I have met friends playing sports and in school and working. And online.

Tell us something you’re proud of.

Celebrate your successes! Pat yourself on the back!

Bragging about yourself is not only allowed but encouraged in this topic.

If you’re naturally humble and don’t know what to say: pretend like this is a job interview and you have to sell everyone here on your strengths and successes.

After my last post on procrastination, it got me wondering what are successful strategies that are used by other Tilders to keep their lives on track.

When I was in university and needed to get myself on track to graduate after a bad year of school, I adopted the Getting Things Done methodology which worked great for me then, but I didn't find myself applying it as consistently post graduation.

I've been reading Atomic Habits lately as I want to improve my own habits, but I'm also thinking about a more general "how I want to organize my life" and be more proactive on managing things.

Are you a user of to-do lists, calendar reminders, sticky notes, or something less conventual? I'm interested in hearing about it.

Hello All!

recently moved into an apartment and happy with it for the most part and grateful to have a place to call my own.

One issue has been the sound though. I am a remote software developer and work for a company that is 3 hours ahead of me. I personally prefer getting up at 3 am my time, enjoying my breakfast with a bit of TV and then signing into work at 4 am and getting off as 12 pm.

It's a life style thanks to covid and luckily landing jobs in a part of the country that is 4 timezones ahead of me but I enjoy being able to have the rest of the day for myself.

However, this move is the first time I am living in an apartment and that means sound can penetrate to neighbors. I had assumed that given the building was cement or concrete or whatever (I just know its not wood), that sound would not be an issue, but apparently given that my living room is right next to my neighbors' bedroom, I have had repeated noise complaints that I make noise during the building quiet hours (10 pm - 7 am)

Some were understandable, I was watching a movie at 3 am on a weekend and my TV is up against the wall that is shared with my neighbor. Bought some headphones and apparently that issue has gone away, but yesterday for example, I was on a call with a colleague at around 6 am and I can admittedly be loud. What I didn't anticipate was that I can be loud enough that it carries through the walls. This amongst other things (like me walking around in my own place which actually lead my property manager to push back on my behalf and tell them that's not a legit complaint they can have and makes no sense given I don't live above them) lead to a noise complaint.

Thankfully my building manager has been nice enough about it (I think cause she can tell I am not being malicious and I do want to be considerate of my neighbor, I just really underestimated how much sound travels in this building).

But this whole thing is making me a bit off about the situation cause if my neighbor could hear me on a call with my colleague, then they can also hear me when I am doing a counseling session from home if they happened to be in their bedroom at the same time and that makes me uncomfortable.

Which is making me research ways to prevent sound from my place going to my neighbors but I am by no means an expert in this field and wondered if anyone else has had experience with sound-proofing and can give tips.

It's a rental unit so it obviously can't be something that requires renovation and I prefer a solution that doesn't involve nails but if that's best, I can always ask permission from my property manager. I also don't plan to live here longer than 4 years (I hope to buy a condo of my own as soon as Trump leaves office) so I don't want to drop too much money on this.

the two things I kept coming across were:

1. acoustic panels: not sure how invasive that is and if there's an adequate brand for people on a budget.
2. a dampening blanket: but not sure how effective that is.

the wall's dimensions are 196 inch wide and 8 feet tall. However, if their bedroom is the same size of mine, it is only 159 inch wide.

Another low cost solution is just to move my desk to the other side of my living room so it's facing the opposite wall. The distance between the two walls is 160 inches and I'd be facing the opposite direction but I get worried that they could still hear me on calls if I move the desk to the opposite wall. But I also am not expert on sound dispersion and penetration so I could be wrong :shrug:

I'm curious what your sense of nostalgia is like?

For me I think it's reasonable low. Like I look back at certain things, events and people of my past and I will think fondly of them. But I don't think about it often, and I almost never think "I miss that thing", more so that I enjoyed it at the time and I'm glad that it happened.

What about you? How do you view nostalgia? Does it bother you that things aren't the same as before? What things do you miss?

Alright, odd request time! We need ways for our itchy dog to scratch her itches.

We have no idea why she's so itchy besides maybe allergies. The vet suggested trying a new dog food last winter which seemed to work... But now that it's spring the itchiness is back full force, so looks like the cause is probably seasonal instead of a diet thing. (Related, at that same appointment the vet claimed she was the fifth dog they saw that day with an itch-related problem, so there may just be something environmental impacting local dogs.)

In any event, we won't be going back to the vet for a while so for now we just need solutions for her to scratch it! Right now, she uses these prickly bushes to scratch the itch. She just rubs her face and whole body against it like a cat. She also aggressively rubs her face against our carpeted stairs. However, we're moving in a couple weeks and there are no prickly bushes or carpeted stairs at our new house.

So, I'm open to any suggestions for something to use to scratch herself! Or any other solution to the itchiness really. With luck, she's just allergic to some plant in our yard and the move will clear it up (we do have a bunch of Russian sage invading it), but I'd like some ideas just in case.

If it helps, she's a sheltie. Which means a LOT of thick fur.

Today is the final day to file taxes in the US, and once again I find myself needing to finish up submitting everything instead of having this submitted early (next year will be different!).

I've also been needing to register my youngest son for his US citizenship, as he is born abroad. They recently released a secure way to e-file this, which means my previous "reasons" for putting it off are not relevant (they wanted me to email sensitive information to them, or deliver it in person/via courier)

It made me wonder if there is anything big or small that people wanted to share that they've been putting off? Hopefully talking about it helps you take some action on getting that thing done!

I guess I'll start because I don't have much, but I cherish them:

• I'm proud I got out of poverty "alone". I used to never get anything as a child as my family was very poor. I only had thrift store clothes until I was maybe 12 or 13. I left my father's home at 17 and today, I have a good career, a car (!), stable finances, and I can buy anything I want and save money! I did all that with pretty much zero support, nor help from my parents or friends (no money, no gifts, no car, no services...).

• I'm proud of achieving top 100 NA in WoW PvE multiple times, top 200 world on some bosses, as a guild. With my class as a DPS, I got multiple top 10 parses world on multiple bosses. I rode the high of seeing an orange parse on WoL many times.

• I'm proud to have "beaten" depression and to have a positive outlook in life. Everyone says I'm always happy and the truth is...I am, because I don't care about so many things you're not supposed to care about.

• I'm proud to have a healthy group of friends on my thirties. I still talk with many people and I always have people I can see or talk to. They do the same with me!

I've been thinking a lot lately about the prevalence of echo chambers in basically every corner of the internet, and how they manipulate our opinions of things in both obvious and incredibly subtle ways.

Having spent a lot of time on Reddit, it's really easy after a while to see all the different echo chambers that different folks live in. Obviously the big conservative subs just have a completely different news cycle compared to the liberal ones, but even the liberal ones all form obvious biases and fairly large blind spots. All sides have the problem of just reading the headline and coming to a conclusion, regardless of the content of the article or who the authors are; the number of times I've seen the Irish Star, well known in Ireland as being a complete fucking rag notable only for celebrity gossip and nude photos on page 3, being posted to big subreddits as if it's real news, is absurd.

And when you pay attention you can easily spot when the propaganda machines start to accelerate, especially during and after election season. I'll always remember before the 2020 US election primaries when all of Reddit was supportive of Bernie Sanders and Pete Buttigieg, while deriding Joe Biden and Elizabeth Warren as being centrist career politician dinosaurs, and the second that Biden was chosen as the Democratic nominee the entire site opinion shifted to "Biden is the best candidate and we all support him 100%". And then the moment the election finishes and all the botnets go back into hibernation, it's right back to "should have been Bernie". And that was just the first time I noticed it. Once you notice it happening in your own circles, it's impossible to miss afterward because it happens for every single political discussion. It was the exact same thing in the 2024 election too with Harris. I'm sure some of it is just people showing solidarity when it matters, but so much of it is clearly artificial too, and I don't like that.

The thing that worries me the most is all the propaganda and manipulation I don't see, the stuff that's subtle enough to fly under my radar and successfully manipulate me as a result. I'd be an idiot to pretend like I'm 100% capable of spotting it all.

Anyways, with all that stated, I wanted to see where the users of Tildes get their news from. It's really difficult to find unbiased news, that much is a given, so I'd rather not rely on any one source.

Personally I try to get my news from the Associated Press as much as I can. Don't think much needs to be said about AP that hasn't already been said, it's kinda just the gold standard for journalism.

The Guardian is a reputable news site in the UK (and fairly popular outside of the UK too from what I've seen online), though one that has a definite left-wing bias. All news is biased news of course, and there is an argument to be made that reality itself has a left-wing bias, so I think it's fine overall for my use case. But I do worry that I'm only making that call because I myself am somewhat left-wing, and having news that reinforces my existing opinions is comforting and rewarding. And I don't think that's at all how we should be choosing which news to read and believe.

Have been considering a subscription to the New York Times as well, more for the cooking, puzzles, and classical music discussion than the news itself honestly. But I've seen a fair amount of discourse around the NYT; how much of that is reactionary Redditors reacting I am not certain of however. Their Wikipedia list of controversies is pretty long whatever the case. Plus there's that whole Boycott USA, buy EU movement going on that I should probably consider as a European (sorry yanks I know you guys are cool but you know how it is). I don't know honestly, anyone more media-literate than I am is welcome to weigh in.

There are probably loads of smaller, independent, and less Anglosphere-centric options I should be considering also, but I'm no expert in this stuff. If anyone has suggestions I'd very much appreciate them.

Generally I try to not read too much news since so much of it amounts to "everything is fucked and your life is going to get worse and worse forever because of things outside of your control good luck", which is generally not good for, y'know, trying to be happy. But I also think it's the duty of a citizen in a democratic society to not just have opinions of things, but to have informed opinions. Who am I to vote for X politician because they're pro-Palestine if I have never done my own research on the Israel-Palestine conflict outside of things I've seen on Instagram, and have hardly even researched the politician in the first place? I think far too many people are comfortable forming opinions based on vibes and news they find comfortable that already conforms to their pre-existing opinions.

Anyways, that's my big wall of text for the day. If anyone has recommendations for places to find news and/or sites worthy of my subscription money, or just general tips on how to stay properly informed in the disinformation world, please post them below.

EDIT: Just stumbled upon this post by DefinitelyNotAFae a few hours ago asking a very similar question as what I'm asking here, so sorry if there's some repetition!

I want to give some context before I get to the meat and potatoes. I (M28) have IRL friends that I communicate and spend time with regularly. However, I do not engage in conversations with them daily. I'm not a texter, or a phone call person. If one of them has a question, or wants to share a meme, I'll respond, but I don't have digital conversations that stretch for hours. I prefer in person communication, and in person I don't shut the fuck up.

Additionally, I do not have any 'Online' friends. All of my friendships are with people I know in real life. I have talked with others on Discord, but again, I don't engage in casual chatter. I'll respond when prompted, but that's about it.

Now that that's out of the way, both of these things kind of got turned on their head in the beginning of November, when I met Alice (F28) through a Roleplaying Discord server. We had kind of eyed each other for a Roleplay session, and it went well. What I wasn't really prepared for, was her poking me in DMs afterwards just to chat. Not really my thing, buuuut, long story short we have now talked every day since then. We wish each other a good morning and good night. Sometimes we talk all day, sometimes we just get a few messages if we're busy. She's the first new friend I've made since high school, and that is a title I don't use lightly. The fact is, I just have zero interest in interacting freely with most people. Typically they end up annoying me in some way.

I'm not shy at all, not particularly introverted, I just really don't like talking to people.

And yet, somehow, I find myself trying to talk to Alice all day. I feel myself growing antsy when I go just a few hours without talking to her. Here's where the imbalance part comes from: Alice isn't like me. She has a group of people she talks with regularly, I'm just one of them. Whereas she is the only person I talk to daily. I completely acknowledge that this is 100% a me problem; I don't want this to come across as me being jealous of her friends. She struggles to balance time between her girlfriend, me, and her other friends, and most of the time I just feel kind of bad for her, like I'm a dog begging for table scraps, and she's trying to appease everybody.

On the other hand, I can also pretty confidently look at our older conversations, and note that we don't talk as much as we used to. Our conversations used to be long and while we still sometimes have longer chats, it's really only when I get her on a tangent involving a particular interest of hers. I don't want to dig too deep into why that is, it could be the 'met someone new' energy has worn off and I'm just not as much of a priority anymore, maybe I became annoying at some point and remain blissfully unaware of it, I dunno.

My question is, how do you handle wanting to spend more time with someone who just cannot spend that time with you?

TL;DR: Made a new friend online, and she doesn't have nearly as much time for me as I have for her.

Hello all, as the title implies, I will be attending my first ever large scale protest(USA based) in person.

I’m wondering if people have any advice of what to expect/do and how to stay safe ?

Thank you !

PS - was not sure where to post this.

What would your past self(intentionally vague) say about your current self(also intentionally vague)?

Look forward to hearing others' thoughts.

When is is okay to give up on making a situation work?

I legitimately ask, as I’ve pretty much given up on most “immediate” family in recent months. As an American federal civilian employee, I found the rhetoric of my immediate family crazy enough to warrant cutting them out of my life. I can’t get beyond their clear contempt for my livelihood. Despite conversations regarding how a certain admin’s policies are making my life worse, I have been told constantly not to complain because it could be worse. So I have “given up” and no longer interact with them. There have been further conversations prior to this, but I don’t think it’s necessarily important to the conversation.

I ask this legitimately, as I am feeling guilt over it, despite the fact that I no longer feel dread or anxiety about it. I haven’t visited immediate family in over 2 months now, despite living within walking distance.

At what point should one continue making attempts to repair to maintain relationships, even familial, and when is it okay to end them?

My son loves reading time before bed, but he’s only 3.5 so the books have mostly been picture books until now. Lately though he’s been getting more into stories with plots and an extended narrative, but entirely in the form of movies. There aren’t a lot of kid’s books to go around with the sorts of dramatic stories he likes, they’re more like “caterpillar eats food” and “train engine climbs a hill with grit and determination” type stuff. And whenever I’ve tried to have him just lay down and listen to me read a story without any pictures to stare at he has absolutely no interest. He really likes having pretty visuals to look at.

I know when I was a small child these sorts of board/picture books weren’t really a thing in India. The pre-sleep ritual was usually “storytime” instead, where my parents would tell us stories. I’m a little bit concerned that my kid has been so accustomed to always having visual cues presented to him that it’s stunting his imagination a bit, like failing to exercise his capacity to visualize ideas and concepts for himself without being anchored by some artist’s depiction.

So I’m curious to hear from other parents or caregivers/educators (@kfwyre?). Did you find there was a natural transition point between going from picture books to telling/reading stories? Was there any sort of work you had to do to enable it? Are there “exercises” I can work on to help my son exercise his imagination? I have been working with him to have him tell me stories about his day, which he does pretty well. But his stories are always quite grounded and he’s usually telling me what he’s actually done and seen. When my nephews and nieces were his age they tended to spin out a lot of random stories that pretty obviously did not happen, and I assume this is because they had more experience being told stories themselves rather than just factual reporting about the happenings around them.

I graduated in the spring and spent the last few months at home with family. I'm hoping to find an apartment/job in a major US city working as a legal assistant or paralegal.

I've never rented before, so I have questions, but due to circumstances related to the ones pushing me away from staying at home any longer, I don't have any parents or older siblings to ask for help, so I'm hoping to crowdsource wisdom here. I have specific questions, but also happy to hear any general advice for someone renting an apartment for the first time.

Some relevant context:

• Studio apartment is nonnegotiable. I don't know anyone I trust enough to be my roommate. If that weren't enough, I'm one of the only people still wearing a mask and trying not to get COVID, so it's gotta be a studio for me to be able to relax.
• I'm looking for a walkable neighborhood and good public transit in addition to affordability, so really looking at Chicago and Philly right now.
• I love to cook, but I know studios often have really lackluster kitchens. Hoping to find one with a usable amount of counterspace.

Those questions I had:

1. If you offer to pay a landlord the cost of the lease in full, is it typical for the landlord to waive the requirement that you provide proof of employment, or if you asked them to waive that, would they be likely to say yes? I would really like to take some time off, and coming home was intended to be that, but toxic family means I've just been stressed the whole time, so being able to get a place without needing a job right off the bat would be a fantastic setup to make sure this new start goes well. (If I save up part-time earnings for the next 2-3 months, I'll have enough to pay a lease on a $1200 studio in full, furnish it with the necessities, and feed myself.)

2. Recently I realized that when apartments are listed as unfurnished, that means no bed or mattress either. (I kind of see now why futons are a thing.) How do people usually address this issue? Do you buy a mattress and bed frame with the expectation that you'll take it with you whenever you move out to the next apartment?

3. Since I don't live in the city I'll be moving to, I most likely won't be able to see the apartment in person before committing. Any particular ideas on how I could handle this or what I should be wary of? I've heard of services where you can pay someone to show up to a tour and video call you so you can follow along (https://www.gandertour.com/). $50 doesn't seem too steep, but I don't know if that specific service is trustworthy, or if there's a cheaper or simpler way to deal with this.

Those are my questions, and like I said above, any advice not 100% related to these questions is welcome too!

My fiancee and I are considering adopting a dog, most likely in the age range of 6 months to 2 years. I've read before that pet insurance is only worth it if you get the dog as a puppy, but I'm wondering what real people think, particularly for a dog that's 2-3 years old. Does anyone else have a pet insurance policy? Who is it with? How's it working out for you? Would you do it again?