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  • Showing only topics in ~life with the tag "advice". Back to normal view / Search all groups
    1. Tips for dealing with bedbugs?

      Hi all, I'm becoming almost certain that my apartment is dealing with a minor bedbug infestation. Do any of you have experience dealing with the things? Specifically, my unit shares a building...

      Hi all, I'm becoming almost certain that my apartment is dealing with a minor bedbug infestation. Do any of you have experience dealing with the things? Specifically, my unit shares a building with about 20 others, so has anybody dealt with infestations in a similar situation? I'm wondering if a heat treatment is even possible or realistic.

      13 votes
    2. Writing a best man speech for my brother’s wedding, any advice?

      I’m writing the best man speech for my brother’s upcoming wedding. I haven’t been to many weddings so to be honest I’m not super familiar with the format of this speeches, or things I should be...

      I’m writing the best man speech for my brother’s upcoming wedding. I haven’t been to many weddings so to be honest I’m not super familiar with the format of this speeches, or things I should be sure to mention (I.e. things like “be sure to thank xyz person”). I’m asking some family members but thought I should cast a wider net and ask here too. Any advice for writing this type of thing? Any memorable ones, good or bad, to emulate or avoid?

      18 votes
    3. How can I teach my dog to not be afraid of heights?

      So my girlfriend has this dog, a miniatura Schnauzer. He's 5 years old and in perfect health. For some reason, he fears even the slightest elevation. The dog is quite athletic but behaves as if he...

      So my girlfriend has this dog, a miniatura Schnauzer. He's 5 years old and in perfect health. For some reason, he fears even the slightest elevation. The dog is quite athletic but behaves as if he was much older. He does know how to get on things, like sofas that are not very high, but if we forget to "rescue" him he will literally never go down. Which is cute but also a bother. I wanna make him a bit braver and more independent. Any ideas?

      6 votes
    4. I'm moving between apartments soon. Do you have any advice or protips on the logistics of moving?

      I've moved plenty of times before, but I've been in my current place for 4 years, which is fairly long for me - most of my adult life I've moved every 1 or 2 years. As a result, I'm sure I've...

      I've moved plenty of times before, but I've been in my current place for 4 years, which is fairly long for me - most of my adult life I've moved every 1 or 2 years. As a result, I'm sure I've forgotten a lot of the "small but important things" about moving, and I've also gotten more settled into this apartment than any previous one I've lived in.

      Details, if they matter:

      • This is a relatively short move (within the same city, about a 15 minute drive)

      • I'm going to be doing all the packing myself, moving small and/or fragile stuff myself, then hiring a moving company for the big stuff (couch, bed, TV, etc) because I don't want to put any of my friends in the position of feeling obligated to come help me move during a pandemic.

      • I've hired movers before, but only for a cross-country move. This will be my first time having a moving company for just an in-town move

      I found a previous thread about moving, but it was about adjusting to life in a cross-country move. I'm more interested in the logistics of how to make the move itself go smoothly.

      22 votes
    5. I'm considering on becoming a first-time dog owner soon, looking for advice

      I find myself at a point in my life where I have the time, energy, and money to adopt a dog. Growing up I never had a dog - my parents only had cats. I don't totally know what I'm getting into so...

      I find myself at a point in my life where I have the time, energy, and money to adopt a dog. Growing up I never had a dog - my parents only had cats. I don't totally know what I'm getting into so I'm looking for some advice.

      I would like to have a moderately active dog, as I live a moderately active life. However, many donation sites list even just moderately active dogs as needing a yard. I live in a fairly spacious 1 bedroom apartment that's in a small complex (5 units) on the ground floor. Does this severely restrict the kind of dogs I should adopt? I know a hyper-active breed wouldn't be happy here. But should I consider myself limited to small, lower needs dogs?

      Edit:

      Probably important bit of information, I don't plan to get a puppy.

      22 votes
    6. Sending stuff around the world

      I want to try something new and send some sacks of coffee over the atlantic and maybe start a sidehustle. I'm in the process of checking tarifs and stuff, but I have no idea where to even start...

      I want to try something new and send some sacks of coffee over the atlantic and maybe start a sidehustle. I'm in the process of checking tarifs and stuff, but I have no idea where to even start looking for somebody who would do the actual transporting or what it might even cost.

      did anybody here do something like that?
      how did you do it?
      what did you send?
      why did you do it?
      what was your experience with it?
      would you do it again?

      8 votes
    7. Surviving the winter

      When I was a child I never seemed to mind the winter, but in the past two or three years it's become exponentially harder for me to live through the cold and dark. I'm dreading the next few...

      When I was a child I never seemed to mind the winter, but in the past two or three years it's become exponentially harder for me to live through the cold and dark. I'm dreading the next few months.

      The lockdowns in March and April were pretty agonizing because I had too many responsibilities but suddenly none of the support systems I had built up in my friend groups. I got through that because it was slowly getting warmer and I could just go on a walk if I needed space. But it's started snowing this week and I don't know how well I'm going to manage for the rest of the season, with it getting dark at 4 PM and seeing so few people. I get caught up in my own head in these destructive patterns of anxiety about past friendships and relationships and obligations that are very hard to escape from around this time of year. I have a lot of hobbies but I can't do most of them right now, so I kind of just end of staring at the wall or my phone for half the day, feeling bad that I screwed up a relationship or said something weird 6 months ago or whatever. On repeat for every day. I have some friends in the area who I like a lot, but I'm a little scared to leave my house from what I hear about the virus on the internet. I've been trying to do phone calls sometimes but they kinda just burn me out and make me feel worse.

      I'm wondering if anyone else has a recurring problem with the winter like I do. I'm not sure if this is a normal thing and I'm just naive and haven't figured it out, or if most people are automatically as happy in the winter as they are in the summer. I've brought this up sometimes with people irl and they say "haha yeah I have seasonal depression too," but they mostly seem to just not like the cold (?), it's not the issue of banal-yet-existential dread and torturous self-probing that I can't avoid. I have a very sweet cat who will keep me company, and she's a good listener, but she doesn't talk a lot and she's hiding in another dimension half the time anyway. I journal and meditate every night, and that helps a little, but I really mostly rely on being able to go to pretty places to keep myself happy, and it's hard to do that when they're all closed or when it's too cold to be outside for a long time. If people have any thoughts or experiences I would love to read them.

      thank you xoxo

      19 votes
    8. How to let someone down?

      for those still committed to monogamous relationships: if you've been in a situation where you're talking with a few people that could be romantic interests, how do you let them know it's not...

      for those still committed to monogamous relationships: if you've been in a situation where you're talking with a few people that could be romantic interests, how do you let them know it's not gonna happen once you've found the (current) one ?

      9 votes
    9. Help me think about the next step in my life

      Hello, I am a late 20s person from Europe who works part-time at a low-skilled job and is nearing completion of a masters in Financial Mathematics (FM). I also have an undergraduate degree in...

      Hello, I am a late 20s person from Europe who works part-time at a low-skilled job and is nearing completion of a masters in Financial Mathematics (FM). I also have an undergraduate degree in Economics and a post-graduate degree in Finance.

      Previously I’ve worked full-time as an IT consultant, in R&D at an asset management company and in operational risk at an investment bank. I stopped working full-time in early 2018 due to mental health issues such as depression, anxiety disorder and possible Asperger’s. But even before then it was obvious my health was deteriorating and I actually got fired from my second job partially due to these problems. Since then I’ve been slowly working (or at least trying to) on my health, which has improved substantially but not as much as I would like. So in early 2018, with way too much time in my hands, I decided to get the part-time job to partially offset my expenses and also decided to go back to school to study FM.

      I went back to school for multiple reasons. I was tired of doing work that was not very technical or quantitative. While working on my health I realized that I don’t do well with work that is subjective, unstructured or involves little interaction (for example doing a lot of reading, specially when I have no clear goal). I did a little programming at previous jobs and more during the masters. So, I can say with some confidence that I enjoyed it. But going back to the FM masters: it is very technical, I was fascinated and curious about it plus it has an excellent track record with regards to employment prospects. I also considered “going back” and doing an undergraduate degree in computer science but decided that it was just too long (minimum 3 years).

      So with this “introduction” out of the way let’s get to the heart of this post. I don’t know what to do after I finish my masters. Of course I could just apply for jobs related with what I am studying. However, I think I really want to try working in the technical side of IT. I will admit I don’t know much about the different aspects and careers in IT but I find it interesting. Every time I was doing non-technical work I just wanted to understand and do the work of my technical colleagues. I think it both better suits my personality and aligns well with my long term goals of increased freedom and flexibility (IT generally pays well and you can do a lot of work remotely). I have this idea of maybe becoming a freelancer but I can understand that is not realistic in the short-term. So, working in IT inside a company is probably my best bet at this time. Regardless, another objective of mine is to be able to work less than 40h per week. I think it would be great for me, specially health-wise.

      I have to say I got more excited about my ideas when I saw this post here on Tildes: https://tildes.net/~comp/quj/would_any_tilderino_be_interested_in_tutoring_me_in_programming. I am willing to put in the work and it would be awesome to have some tutoring. Another point I took from that post is that IT is a very big field and I honestly don’t know specifically what I want to do inside that space. However, I do know I don’t like dealing with UI or graphical/design aspects.

      I guess I will finish by asking direct questions to help people structure their answers around (but if you want to talk about something else I wrote, be free to do so):

      • First of all, what technical areas within IT do you think would suit me? If it’s not much of a hassle, please provide a brief description of what people actually do in those areas.
      • Is it realistic to start working as a technical IT freelancer and learn as I go? Or are the odds very slim?
      • Alternatively, if I decide to take the "safer" and more probable route of nailing a technical IT job, what should I do to put myself in a better position to attain that goal?

      Thank you =)

      10 votes
    10. I’m moving across the country in a few days

      I’m moving from the Midwest to California on Tuesday to start graduate school (I’ve been in an post-baccalaureate research position for the last two years). I’ve been so busy packing and making...

      I’m moving from the Midwest to California on Tuesday to start graduate school (I’ve been in an post-baccalaureate research position for the last two years). I’ve been so busy packing and making sure I see friends that I think it hasn’t truly hit me yet. I’ve lived around Chicago my whole life, even during college, so I suppose I’m a bit nervous about the change of location and being so far from friends and family. I’m incredibly excited of course to begin this new phase, but nervous nonetheless.

      Have any of you all ever had big moves in the past? Any advice for settling in a new locale?

      14 votes
    11. How do I talk to my girlfriend about her past sexual assault?

      I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for almost a year now, and things seem rough right now because of an issue we're having. My girlfriend is upset with me because she thinks I...

      I've been in a relationship with my current girlfriend for almost a year now, and things seem rough right now because of an issue we're having.

      My girlfriend is upset with me because she thinks I don't care about her past trauma. She's told me, very roughly, what she's gone through, and I told her that whenever she's ready to talk about it, I absolutely will. But according to her, the last time she tried to initiate talking about it, I told her that I had no idea what to say. And this upset her and stonewalled the discussion.

      I don't doubt that happened. My problem is, is that if she were to try again, I might just very well do the same thing. I have zero idea on how to handle something of this severity. How do I ask her to talk about it? Is that something I should be asking? What does someone even say when given this information? I am not equipped whatsoever to deal with information of this magnitude and I'm at a loss. How do I let her know that I really do care about her, and am 100% willing to listen to what she has to say? I worry I'm too far in the doghouse to even make use of any of this advice, but any help is immensely appreciated

      Edit in case anyone was interested: We talked and we're okay :). She told me what she went through and I didn't handle it nearly as bad as I worried I was going to. Thanks everyone for your kind words and helpful advice.

      17 votes
    12. When it's time to put your dog down?

      She is a mixed breed (more pinscher) and is perhaps 16 or 17 years old. She simply doesn't eat anymore. She went to the vet when this started and they found nothing. Gave her some appetite...

      She is a mixed breed (more pinscher) and is perhaps 16 or 17 years old.

      She simply doesn't eat anymore. She went to the vet when this started and they found nothing. Gave her some appetite injection, she would eat for two days and stop. Went again and same thing.

      I changed vets and he did blood work and everything was fine. He examined her throat with his hands because he didn't want to anesthetize a senior dog for a scan. He discovered a throat and ear infection. Treated and she started eating again, but only for a few weeks. She never gained her weight back.

      Now she is only losing weight and not eating, it's been five days since she last eat something.

      She sleeps almost all the time and is so thin and her back is so curved that when she drops her head to drink water her rear legs go up and she falls. We had to put the food and water up so she doesn't have any accidents.

      She is so frail it's breaking my heart. I'm so afraid.

      Update in the comments below, but I'm going to put it here too

      Updating here: it happened today.

      She got a little better and we didn't had the courage to do it when I made this thread. She was eating better.

      But now she started having difficulties lying down and standing up. She would fall, couldn't lie down by herself. I had to help her.

      This night her bed was a little wet and I figured she might have pissed while lying down.

      Talked to the vet and she is gone forever.

      But I didn't had the courage to watch and be with her during the procedure. I am dying inside because of this. I loved her so much, she was with us for almost 18 years...

      I will never see her again.

      Thanks for everything Meg and sorry for letting you down.

      34 votes
    13. How do you get a promotion when you work in a remote office?

      Some years ago, I wrote a book about telecommuting, including a section about the reasons people don't want to be remote workers. High on the list was, "It's too hard to move up in the company"...

      Some years ago, I wrote a book about telecommuting, including a section about the reasons people don't want to be remote workers. High on the list was, "It's too hard to move up in the company" because if you're out of sight, you're out of mind.

      Well, now suddenly nearly everybody is a telecommuter, whether or not they like the idea. So that particular skill is particularly relevant. And I've been assigned an article on "How to 'manage up' when you work from home." I'd like your input.

      My article is meant to compile practical how-to tips for people working from home on “how to stay on your boss's radar.” What advice do you have to share?

      Ideally: Give me a bullet point (“Do XYZ”), why (“It accomplishes this”), and perhaps an anecdote sharing how it made a difference.

      Please don’t expend energy telling me why it’s important, or what the barriers are. Take that as a given. I’m looking for solid “Do this” suggestions.

      17 votes
    14. What if you don't know if you want a child?

      Sorry for the huge train of thought, but I prefer it raw like this. We are dating for 3.5 years and the subject came up a couple of times. We both didn't want, but it was not set in stone. We just...

      Sorry for the huge train of thought, but I prefer it raw like this.

      We are dating for 3.5 years and the subject came up a couple of times. We both didn't want, but it was not set in stone. We just didn't want at that time.

      Three days ago she said she want one in the future. I don't, but I'm not sure.

      I asked jokingly if this is where we have to let each other go.

      What now?

      I have three nieces and I know the hard work and problems my two brothers are dealing with (two are teenagers).

      I don't want that, but at the same time i look at my youngest niece and she is so amazing.

      I can't figure out if i want this or not.

      I don't think we should have kids because she is obese and dealing with food and anxiety issues, and I deal with anxiety and alcohol issues.

      I would teach them a good relationship with food. I'm active, eat clean, i'm slim, fit, lift weights, but have the problem with alcohol which i try to manage, but not at all. I drink too much at least once every one or two weeks.

      My SO eats junk food, soda, sugar, everything. She is obese now. She wasn't when we started dating. Overweight, but not obese.
      She is now at risk of diabetes. I hate it and i'm resenting this to the point I lost attraction.

      It got to the point were i feel ashamed when I see her family eating a lot, which is all they do. Her brother was ok, now he is obese. His girlfriend turned obese.

      I know people say you need to break up because we are incompatible, but it doesn't work like this. We are good together in every other aspect. We treat each other with respect, we have hobbies in common, we are a good couple on the surface.

      If I break up, what reason I could give? It's not a matter of just telling "we are incompatible" after almost 4 years.

      I have no health issues when i checked with the doctor last year.

      We both made promises of solving these issues, but it's not happening.

      If we have a child, who teaches him about food, what to eat or not? What should we buy? And about alcohol?

      Gym and fitness. I adore. She does not. What example should we give to our kid?

      Alcohol. I drink a lot. She drinks, but only enough.

      How does this work?

      This is eating me alive...

      Edit: we don't live together and have jobs at different cities. In this pandemic we are at our homes, which is the same city, but once this pass we will live apart until one of us can transfer to live together.

      18 votes
    15. How can I save more money on razors?

      EDIT: I probably should've said up-front that I live in the UK. I've started to really dig shaving over the years. It's gone from a chore to an enjoyable regimen. Watching or just listening to...

      EDIT: I probably should've said up-front that I live in the UK.

      I've started to really dig shaving over the years. It's gone from a chore to an enjoyable regimen. Watching or just listening to shaving ASMR videos provides considerable satisfaction, though it's really always nice to see a professional at work. I only shave every few days, once my stubble has become quite unsightly, and just give it a single pass in order to save on the cost of razor cartridges. At the moment I'm going through my remaining Cornerstone cartridges after canceling my subscription with them due to the cost, and I can get a few uses out of each before having to discard them. My shaving gel is just a cheapo brand, and the aftershave is an old Christmas gift.

      I'd like to be be able to save some more money when it comes to shaving. Anyone got any recommendations for a good brand I could switch to, or advice on keeping the handle clean and getting more uses out of the heads?

      14 votes
    16. I'm freaking out and need advice

      My mother died last month and I've been thinking of leaving my father's house ever since then. I initially thought I'd be okay with doing that, regardless of whether or not my father would object,...

      My mother died last month and I've been thinking of leaving my father's house ever since then. I initially thought I'd be okay with doing that, regardless of whether or not my father would object, but he talked with me last night saying he'd be okay if I left and now I'm FREAKING OUT.

      Background: I'm 23 and living in Houston, Texas. I have an older brother who lives in Dallas who offered to take me in, but it wouldn't be very permanent as he plans on leaving the country for a trip next year and will be gone for some time. I also have a friend from high school who offered me a room, but she lives in Seattle and was fired from her job. No one else who is close to me is able to offer me a place to stay.

      My concerns: I dropped out of college. I was planning on going back but then my mother died and that plan was put on hold, so I don't have any marketable skills (I've only ever worked in retail). I also don't have a job lined up anywhere else. I've never had to take on so many bills at one time and therefore I don't know much about budgeting.

      I'd like to leave, but where I am it's secure and comfy. Maybe it's finally time I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and start taking control of my own life, but I don't want to risk my safety and finances on a crazy idea.

      I welcome any and all advice, and thanks for reading.

      edit: changed a word

      27 votes
    17. Buying a car

      I've found myself in the market for a vehicle, and am looking for opinions. What I currently drive is very old, and I'm unlikely to get any meaningful trade-in value for it. Normally I would...

      I've found myself in the market for a vehicle, and am looking for opinions. What I currently drive is very old, and I'm unlikely to get any meaningful trade-in value for it. Normally I would simply look to repair what I consider to be a transportation appliance, but due to its age as well as the number and type of issues I've decided it's best to get rid of it. I've been interested in (and have been offered great deals on) the 2019 Nissan Rogue and 2019 Toyota RAV4 Hybrid. I drove options from Honda and Hyundai and was not thrilled. I'm uncomfortable with the fact that there is a network connection to the machine that controls my brakes, acceleration, steering, and safety system in each of these vehicles. Does anyone have any general advice, opinions, or other options I should consider?

      17 votes
    18. How do you achieve an efficient house move?

      I'm getting my own place -- i.e. an apartment that I own, and not rent -- and I find myself needing to prepare for another house move (this'll be the 4th of such events for me), only this time...

      I'm getting my own place -- i.e. an apartment that I own, and not rent -- and I find myself needing to prepare for another house move (this'll be the 4th of such events for me), only this time with a lot more stuff.
      I'm in a situation where I have to plan how I proceed carefully, since the elevator isn't working yet at the new place, and I have to carry everything up 7 flights of stairs.

      Every single time I've done a house move in the past it's been a disaster; didn't plan at all, just stuffed things into my car and left for the new place when it was full; rinse and repeat. I'm positive I did at least double the number of trips I actually needed.

      I want to think ahead on this one since the number of trips matter a lot.

      What are your tips for house moving? Any weird but efficient way of packing/labeling/sorting/whatever?

      Also interested in hearing the stories of your most horrible (or most enjoyable -- although I can't imagine this being the case) house moves.

      PS: don't want to hire a moving company, I like doing things like this on my own.

      13 votes
    19. Moving out tips

      I'm moving out: in the coming weeks I'll move to an apartment in Ankara, Turkey. This is the first time I'll have a home of my own, and the first time I live in an apartment as opposed to our...

      I'm moving out: in the coming weeks I'll move to an apartment in Ankara, Turkey. This is the first time I'll have a home of my own, and the first time I live in an apartment as opposed to our detached family home. I wonder if any of you have tips for a 25yo master's student moving out and changing city!

      31 votes
    20. What advice or wisdom would you give to someone 10 years younger than you?

      It can be specific or broad, and it can be aimed at a particular type of person based on your experiences (e.g. people in my city, people with fibromyalgia, etc.) or just people at large. Also,...

      It can be specific or broad, and it can be aimed at a particular type of person based on your experiences (e.g. people in my city, people with fibromyalgia, etc.) or just people at large.

      Also, given that age is a very identifying piece of information, feel free to give a range if you're not comfortable sharing your exact age (e.g. "I'm in my 40s" rather than "I'm 42").

      • What advice or wisdom would you give to someone 10 years younger than you?
      • What would you have wanted to know 10 years ago that someone older could have shared with you?
      • If you'd heard the kind of advice you're giving, would you have listened to it 10 years ago?
      29 votes
    21. Anybody use Strikethru?

      I used Bullet Journal for a year, then went back to Org mode with Orgzly on mobile. I find I'm more productive with pen and paper b/c when I see a rabbit hole I can't do nothing but jump into it...

      I used Bullet Journal for a year, then went back to Org mode with Orgzly on mobile. I find I'm more productive with pen and paper b/c when I see a rabbit hole I can't do nothing but jump into it and go right down, and trying to conform to ways app devs' workflows and hack them to behave the way I want cause friction which is for me greater than that of dealing with a meatspace physical notebook. Bullet Journal was nice, but I wonder if Strikethru could be even nicer. I never fully conform to these methods, but they are generally nice starting points to build a custom one, so I generally like starting out with them.

      My use case is, I have four types of tasks: projects, like "study statistics" or "transcribe scans" which can take weeks or months to complete, and sometimes have deadlines; todos which have no specific completion time (e.g. long time shopping lists, books to buy, stuff to check back on later, things to research); tasks that are scheduled for a certain date/time or a range thereof; and lastly tasks that recur on varying intervals, like posting the thread to ~books every other week or completing a particular task that pertains to a project, say reading pages from a book that is relevant to the "study statistics" project. Bullet Journal provided a means for all of this, but the amount of rescheduling and rewriting was inconvenient, and inconvenient is the evil enemy of making habits and getting things done for a fucked up procrastinator like me. When I look at Strikethru, I am not sure if it can handle this, if it's too simple for more complex stuff. So I wonder what you guys do with it. I'd be glad if you could share your workflows and/or advice me on how I could make use of this particular system, or anything else out there!

      Edit: prior art:

      I've commented on both of these talking about how I use a modified Bullet Journal method.

      8 votes
    22. How to start being an adult? I feel like I am falling downhill without any branch to catch me.

      I hope this is the right place to post my question. About me: I am 23, currently studying computer science in a university and failing it hard. I have finished school with pretty good grades,...

      I hope this is the right place to post my question.
      About me: I am 23, currently studying computer science in a university and failing it hard. I have finished school with pretty good grades, found school easy and didn't really put any effort into learning. After getting my fancy sheet of paper with my grades I applied to compsci studies. Fast forward to now, I am in my last semester with only 30% of credits I need to graduate. It is really hard, I have zero friends to work with at unversity, I make plans and detailed lists of work I have to do but always fail to follow them. I feel like I cannot control myself, one week I will do my work, next week I will struggle to get out of bed and do anything, I can spend whole day laying in bed and doing nothing. My personal life did not progress upwards too, I do not feel any joy in reading, communicating with people or doing basically anything. Everything feels like one big boring game of get a degree, work, make kids and die. My parents are disappointed, since I am failing uni, got fat and basically became a complete opposite of who I was at school. If I dont have anything to do I will just sit at home and stare at my computer, I dont even play games or watch movies, just mindlesly browse reddit or some forum without posting or commenting.

      Maybe someone out here has faced a similar situation and give me a hint/tip to start with, I feel hopeless and useless. This situation seems like an endless void to me, maybe there is a way out that I cannot see?

      32 votes
    23. Combined BA + MA degrees

      Have any of you done these degrees? I'm switching disciplines for my MA, and I want to collect information on this alternative method should I fail that this summer. I'd have a more complete grasp...

      Have any of you done these degrees? I'm switching disciplines for my MA, and I want to collect information on this alternative method should I fail that this summer. I'd have a more complete grasp of the field and proceed to a PhD equipped with better knowledge. The price to pay being some time, but I'll probably already have to do my MA---if I manage---in three years b/c the school might want me to take an extra preparatory year going through some undergrad classes.

      So, any experiences, any comments, any links highly appreciated!

      P.S.: EU information appreciated, that's been significantly harder to get at.

      7 votes
    24. Ex-smokers, what did you do to help you stop?

      Edit: meant ex-smokers. Proof reading is not something I tend to do... Some people quit cold turkey, some use something to replace it (thinking sunflower seeds), some make goals like only have 6 a...

      Edit: meant ex-smokers. Proof reading is not something I tend to do...

      Some people quit cold turkey, some use something to replace it (thinking sunflower seeds), some make goals like only have 6 a day and work their way down.

      I personally have been using nicotine products since I was about 16. Cigarettes at first, but switched to vaping at about 18. Been using them for about 6 years now and finally decided it's time to stop. I've been lowering the amount of nicotine in my vape for about 3 months, this last one being 0 nicotine in my vape. Now it's time to break the muscle memory of just mindlessly grabbing it at home and always making sure I know where it is. This last month with no nicotine was a lot harder than I thought it was going to be because I always told myself it was mostly a habit of the action and not the substance... Boy was I fucking wrong.

      So what did you do, or are you doing, to help yourself quit? Need a little inspiration.

      13 votes
    25. I’m writing an article about “How to hand over the reins when you leave a job.” I’d like your advice about what I should include.

      My premise is that you genuinely want to help the company and the next person who moves into your old position. Maybe you got a promotion, or you found an even-better job. In any case, you want...

      My premise is that you genuinely want to help the company and the next person who moves into your old position. Maybe you got a promotion, or you found an even-better job. In any case, you want the old coworkers to succeed, and you want to make a smooth transition.

      So there’s a few pieces to this:

      • What do you do when you leave a job?

      • What have other people done, when they left/moved on, that gave you the knowledge and skills you needed to excel?

      • What did they NOT provide that you wish they had?

      It’d be easy for me to focus on “what did you do” but none of us know how successful that was. So tell me, rather, about your experience as the person picking up the reins. What did that teach you about the process?

      Anecdotes welcome! (And tell me how to refer to you in the article. Private is fine.)

      10 votes
    26. How would you bring together friends who still don't know each other?

      If you have friends who used to be in separate circles but are going to finally meet, how would you handle that property? Let's say, you all meet, you know each of them, but they know about each...

      If you have friends who used to be in separate circles but are going to finally meet, how would you handle that property?

      Let's say, you all meet, you know each of them, but they know about each other very vaguely. How to introduce everyone gently and keep conversations going in a non confusing way? What are the dos and don'ts there? Personal real experience of "joining" friends would be nice to read about too!

      13 votes
    27. What do I do now that I quit drinking?

      A little bit about me -- I'm in my mid-to-late-20s, male, single, recently graduated college, and I quit drinking about a year and a half ago. I never really considered myself an addict; there was...

      A little bit about me -- I'm in my mid-to-late-20s, male, single, recently graduated college, and I quit drinking about a year and a half ago. I never really considered myself an addict; there was never a point where I wanted to quit but I couldn't and it never interfered with work or school. I just woke up one day and told myself, "I don't want to do this anymore," so I just stopped.

      The problem, for me at least, is that I live in a relatively rural part of the world. There's not a lot to do here on Friday night other than go to the bars, which never really bothered me anyways because I work nights anyways and don't really like crowded scenes. Most of my free time is in front of my computer, I've recently started getting into distance running as a hobby, and I like playing board games when I can. All of this is fine except for the fact that I can't really seem to make friends in those mutual areas of interest without alcohol anymore.

      I signed up for meetup, which seems like a great way to meet new people, and I'm sure it is, in bigger cities at least. But around here, both the closest board game meetup and run club are an hour and a half away. It seems like everyone around here just wants to meet up to drink, and maybe do some other stuff along the way. (Don't get me started on making my own events here -- crowded bars already give me anxiety so organizing my own meetup with people I've never met before would be a new, special type of hell)

      I think at least part of this is compounded with the fact that since I graduated, I've had a hard time making new friends. I work a very isolating job, and teetotaling only further compounds the issue that I haven't met very many new people. It's something I've thought a lot about while searching for a partner as well -- I can't/don't want to meet people at bars, and I don't really find much use out of dating apps.

      Sorry if this is unorganized or hard to read, it's just a lot of thoughts I've had over the past year.

      edit: another part of it too is that, since I quit without the assistance of AA or any support group, I don't have any like-minded people to do things with.

      29 votes
    28. Advice for a soon to be college graduate

      I am going to be graduating with a BA in Economics in May, and I am overwhelmed, like most people, with all the stuff that I am now responsible for. I was mostly wondering what advice you wish you...

      I am going to be graduating with a BA in Economics in May, and I am overwhelmed, like most people, with all the stuff that I am now responsible for. I was mostly wondering what advice you wish you heard when you were 22.

      10 votes
    29. Trying to figure out my personal craziness

      I hope this is the appropriate Tilde for this. If no one has any input it will still have helped me to type this out. TL;DR In over my head with marriage, foster care, family, and work. My wife...

      I hope this is the appropriate Tilde for this. If no one has any input it will still have helped me to type this out.

      TL;DR In over my head with marriage, foster care, family, and work.

      My wife and I became foster parents about 1.5 years ago with the intention to not adopt, but to care for children 3 and under while bio parents worked to regain custody or other permanent placements were arranged. Our first placement was two girls (7 mo and 2.5 yrs) despite wanting to do just one kid at a time (especially to start). We had them for 6 weeks and mom got them back. We had another placement (8 mo boy) for about another 6 weeks. There was a considerable lull and we were getting frustrated about not getting any new placements when the girls from our first placement were placed into custody again. So we were able to take them in again (now about 1.2 and 3.5 yrs). FF to now and we've had them for about 6 months.

      We never really intended to have more than one child and for quite this long and we're struggling. My wife has always had a little less ability to weather stressful situations like this and these last 2-3 weeks I'm carrying a lot of weight. In the meantime, bio mom has gotten pregnant and there's not another hearing regarding custody for another 9 months. We fully expect that she will not be able to take them back at that time (or really realistically ever). What should probably happen would be that the county could place the kids into permanent custody (basically getting them adopted). However, from what we've heard from other foster families, temporary custody could drag on for years.

      So, our main dilemma is this. We are not equipped (as a couple) to care for these kids for years. With the likely prospect of no change in custody in the near future, it feels like the best thing for these kids would be to get them into the care of someone looking to do this long-term, perhaps to eventually adopt. That being said, we absolutely love them and it feels like some kind of betrayal to force them to make yet another transition. On the other hand, with our limitations, it seems like that is inevitable anyway. Do we try to make that happen sooner?

      Some other data points:
      Our fostering license expires in October (about a month after the hearing is scheduled) and we don't intend to continue fostering (at least for a while, and definitely not with our current agency).
      We don't have many family members close by to give us a hand with the kids, making us feel isolated and making it hard to get breaks from the kids. Our agency has not been very helpful with lining up respite care, but we're trying to be more aggressive about that now.
      I've got things pretty well lined up to retire in about 5 years. My company is also just now kicking off a major project of a similar time frame and I'm in a good position to really make a mark before moving on. It will probably require some serious time commitments and effort to do it the way I want to.

      Thanks for listening.

      12 votes
    30. Home/remote workers, any advice or tips?

      I've recently accepted a new developer role for a small tech company where everyone works remotely. I've had experience of working from home as a freelancer in the past and slightly more recently...

      I've recently accepted a new developer role for a small tech company where everyone works remotely. I've had experience of working from home as a freelancer in the past and slightly more recently working for a distributed company, although there I was working in a small shared office with one other colleague.

      I wondered if anyone has any tips or advice on how best to remain productive as well as avoid distractions and try to keep a work/life balance?

      I do intend to eventually find a co-working space but immediately I plan to work from home for at least the first few months.

      Thanks!

      16 votes
    31. Stuck In A Ditch In The Middle Of A Desert In A Country I Don't Know The Name Of

      I'm sitting here, not being able to sleep and watching every single John Mayer music video ever made, finding myself a little stuck. I've got good friends, I've got a free environment to do...

      I'm sitting here, not being able to sleep and watching every single John Mayer music video ever made, finding myself a little stuck.

      I've got good friends, I've got a free environment to do whatever I want to do, and I've got enough stuff around me to keep me alive. Somehow, this isn't what I hoped for.

      Ever since I was a kid, I always dreamed of this moment. I'm on my own. I've got my axe, and I'm ready for battle, but, I can't swing this thing, man. I don't have enough motivation, something I've been struggling with since I was born. I'm a chronic procrastinator, even when it's about something I actually want to. I want to sit down, write music, and make people smile. I want to do all these things, but I can't find enough willpower to do it. Maybe it's just my current emotional state holding me back. I miss the connection I used to have with someone that put me at my absolute peak in life.

      It's so unbelievably unfair to me that someone that seemed to help me so much and bring me up can just walk out on me like that with no explanation. She made me a better person when she was around, and a worse person when she's not. I don't understand why I still think about it every single day. I guess this is more of a rant / self help post, but I do pose one question:

      How do I get rid of the constant thought of someone? She's connected to everything I do in life and I really gotta fucking stop. Is there something I'm missing when it comes to getting over someone? Do I chase her? I've tried before, but it ended worse the second time around.

      Anyone have similar experiences? I'm sure there are some sad wrecks out there tonight. Come and share your story about the best person you've ever met that you'll never meet again.

      12 votes
    32. Global warming is going to lead to massive disruption and loss of life in our lifetimes. What can someone do to avoid the impending doom?

      I think it is a given that we are going to experience massive social disruption as the effects of global warming manifest. These will include the loss of edible sea life from ocean acidification,...

      I think it is a given that we are going to experience massive social disruption as the effects of global warming manifest. These will include the loss of edible sea life from ocean acidification, the loss of potable water from desertification, and famine as crops fail and pests that were previously kept in check by winter temperatures proliferate. Storms and wildfires will become more intense. These events will lead to social unrest and a migration crisis that makes what Europe is experiencing seem like a family member overstaying their holiday welcome.

      Not a rosey picture, certainly, but if anything the analysis is superficial and understated.

      That said, it's likely some areas will fare better than others. How can we identify these oases? Some characteristics I think could give an area a good chance:

      • Equatorial - regions near the equator will see less temperature rise. An increase of two degrees C near the equator translates to something like 12 degrees C near the poles. Equatorial regions should see less temperature change.

      • 'Eternal spring' climate - found in high altitudes near the equator, it's about 20 degrees C (70 degrees F) year-round with dry and wet seasons. However wet seasons will probably get worse too, so maybe this is not ideal.

      • Water independence - should have access to potable water that does not rely on public infrastructure. Wells, springs, streams, etc.

      • Food independence - should have access to game or growing conditions that will not negatively be effected by global warming. Should not rely on fish for most protein needs.

      • Social cohesion - strong social bonds are ideal, however an openness towards outsiders is also ideal. I would write off most of the US right off. Too many guns and we can't even agree people have a right to healthcare when things are relatively good. At the same time, I might not fare well in a country like Japan where nobody even litters, but they also don't trust foreigners.

      • Not New Zealand - apparently this is where the rich people are going. No thanks, unless guillotine expertise makes me eligible for a worker visa.

      What else would you look for? Does anywhere fit the bill? Maybe we can create a post-Apocalyptic community dedicated to high-quality content and discussion.

      7 votes
    33. How to deal with a friend gone cynical?

      I have a friend at the office, who is very dear to me. I don't have many friends, and I've known this person for over five years. But recently they've become increasingly cynical and sometimes...

      I have a friend at the office, who is very dear to me. I don't have many friends, and I've known this person for over five years. But recently they've become increasingly cynical and sometimes outright toxic. Saying things like "our job doesn't matter", "nobody cares", and "you should stop trying to improve things". The company we work for had incompetent managers for the last couple of years, who were ignoring issues and basically making it up as they go. The management was basically purged, and now there are a lot of new people. So I guess it is my friend's way to cope with the situation. But it feels unhealthy, because recently they started lashing out on people, including new people who have done nothing wrong yet.

      I am honestly kind of afraid to bring this issue up to them, because (a) I am afraid to lose them and (b) they will probably respond with something along the lines of "you don't know what I've been through", or "eff off", or plain old silence. I feel like they are hurting, but I don't know how to help.

      What should I do? Should I do anything at all?

      10 votes
    34. How do you prevent burnout?

      Heyo guys, Long story short, I'm a college student in his final semester right now. I've gone through many different phases of my college life between not being sure of my future, wanting to take...

      Heyo guys,

      Long story short, I'm a college student in his final semester right now. I've gone through many different phases of my college life between not being sure of my future, wanting to take advantage of my last point in life of youth, trying to grow up and learn to be a competent adult at home, trying to grow up and learn to be a competent adult in the workforce, and everything else in between. Right now, I'm coming off of a summer where I took 9 credits and managed to get As in all three classes while also feeling very accomplished that I felt I've taken many valuable skills and lessons away from those classes.

      At the moment, I am taking 18 credits for this Fall semester, sitting at six classes and I'm finally happy that I'm able to be taking a lot of productive and worthwhile classes in my major. I love all of my classes and professors so far and I'm very eager to learn and continue developing myself to be the person I want to be. However, my concern is the heavy burnout that I feel is imminent within a few weeks to a month, as I'm already beginning to feel it come on within the last two weeks.

      How do I deal with this or prevent it? How do you personally handle situations where you uphold a lot of responsibility to yourself and you want to keep in top form? Personal stories, experiences, advice, and all of the above are welcome.

      24 votes
    35. Are there situations where donating items in a box can be as helpful as cash?

      When it comes to disaster relief, I often hear the refrain that it is best to donate cash, and donating boxes of things often hurts more than it helps. Is this universally true, or are there...

      When it comes to disaster relief, I often hear the refrain that it is best to donate cash, and donating boxes of things often hurts more than it helps. Is this universally true, or are there situations where donation boxes are actually helpful?

      Search results on the subject ("disaster relief donation box vs cash"), all saying that boxes of stuff hurt more than help, due to the logistical costs of shipping, sorting, and storage:

      4 votes
    36. Has anyone done an on the job/industry PhD?

      Tildes, I'd like some opinions please! I work in a genetics lab as a research assistant and I've got the opportunity to pursue a PhD under the supervision of the lab director whilst maintaining my...

      Tildes, I'd like some opinions please! I work in a genetics lab as a research assistant and I've got the opportunity to pursue a PhD under the supervision of the lab director whilst maintaining my current position and salary, with work I'd probably be doing anyway contributing to my thesis.

      I feel like this is a pretty good opportunity: I'm not getting any younger and I have a young family, so going back to school to do this on a studentship is not an option, and my employer is willing to fund half the tuition fees and cover materials/ reagents etc. Word in the media is that there is a glut of PhDs at the moment, but I don't have my heart set on an academic career, so I won't be crushed if I end up in industry. I'm based in Europe, so would be looking at taking 3 years for the whole degree, which is coincidentally when my current contract is up.

      Has anyone pursued a PhD under similar conditions? What was your experience like? Was getting your PhD worth it (especially in the life sciences/biotech)?

      Thanks!

      7 votes
    37. I need help with execution and impulse control

      The short version is throughout my life I've seemed to be unable to execute sustained action towards any kind of meaningful forward momentum. I know very well all the things I need to be doing,...

      The short version is throughout my life I've seemed to be unable to execute sustained action towards any kind of meaningful forward momentum. I know very well all the things I need to be doing, but in that precious moment called the present things always seem to slip. I can't gain traction. All reagent and no catalyst.

      It goes without saying that the irony isn't lost on me of asking for advice, more information, more data, when what's really needed is action, but I simply don't know what else to do.

      The details;

      I think by far my biggest character flaw so to speak is a lack of an ability to execute under normal circumstances. Obviously procrastination and other related behaviours plague most people to one degree or another but I think in my case it's at a point where it presents an arguably existential risk to any kind of real future.

      I'm in my late twenties working a relatively low paying job with moderate technical skill. Like many other children in the 1990s I was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated, though with little to no success. I stopped in my late teens but have recently begun to experiment anew consulting with my family doctor. I've since failed to renew my latest prescription but I think there's some small potential there. That said I think the buik of the change will still have to come from within.

      I'm reticent to frame my experience within the pathology of a medical condition and would prefer to describe my experience without the artifacts and assumptions I feel would otherwise flatten the anecdotes. For years now I've been meaning to study when I get home from work, go to the gym (hell, just get a subscription), eat healthier, etc. There's a burnt out light in my kitchen I've been wanting to change for the past 3 weeks and haven't gotten around to. Everything slips. If I remember I need to do something I'm walking to the grocery store, or on the bus to work, or at a friend's house. I've been meaning to return a friend's call for over a month. Again, everything slips.

      I feel like I'm at a point where I really need discipline and this scares me. I dropped out of college 10 years ago, live alone and work full time. I have no academic backing to speak of and feel this severely limits my future prospects as far as both lucrative, enjoyable and fruitful future employment goes. They say that when trying to plot future human behaviour the best predictor by far is past behaviour; so I'm at a point where personal success is probably unlikely, so I'd also be content being in a position where I can positively impact the lives of others. I feel all else aside this should even be a priority; I need not necessarily find success or happiness if I can be some part of the catalyst for a multitude of people to find it. Net positive for the cosmos and all that.

      I've got a relatively strong foundation of knowledge for doing IT work, having administered a handful of Linux desktops and servers for personal use for the past 5 years (with previous albeit inconsistent dabbling prior to that). I generally believe in open source software and try to use it wherever I can. Unless something Very Bad happens computers are going to be a huge part of the human experience moving forward and if we are to truly prosper for the coming millennia it's probably best if this part of humanity wasn't closed off in boxes held by duopolies with the power to rival governments.

      In regard to IT work I also want to stress that I'm not kidding myself either, there would still be a lot of work to do in terms of certifications, an exponential increase in experience, etc. Dunning–Kruger looms its head here I think. Also, though it's probably my best asset to convert into a career I'm not sure I like the culture that surrounds IT at least as far as I imagine it, and I don't have a particular fascination with things like networking or server administration which has me a bit worried. For what it's worth I'd say my true passion lies in the Sciences, namely Astronomy. Fusion seems to be the main attraction in the Universe so I like to pay attention. Words fail me a bit here but suffice to say the latter is the only subject which I feel truly fascinates me.

      The world isn't lack for the musings and moans of uncomfortable souls, and this turned out much more long-winded than I intended it to. I can't imagine anyone reading this to derive much value here so I'll cut it short.

      If you've made it this far and have any kind of feedback I'd appreciate hearing it.

      Cheers,

      17 votes
    38. How do you persistently work on an idea or project?

      I often try and work on projects and ideas, although I find it difficult to continue a project that takes longer than a day or two. I'm surely not the only person that experiences this. Does...

      I often try and work on projects and ideas, although I find it difficult to continue a project that takes longer than a day or two. I'm surely not the only person that experiences this. Does anyone know why this happens? How do you deal with and overcome this in your own life?

      17 votes
    39. Calling all people who have lived and/or worked in Yellowstone or other national parks

      Next month I’m dropping everything and moving from Kentucky to work in Yellowstone with my girlfriend. I have been to other parks but never stayed more than one night and never taken on multi-day...

      Next month I’m dropping everything and moving from Kentucky to work in Yellowstone with my girlfriend. I have been to other parks but never stayed more than one night and never taken on multi-day trails/hikes. To other users who have done something similar or stayed in national parks for extended periods of time, what advice do you have? Where are the “must see” parts of Yellowstone? What was the adjustment period like, and what are some safety precautions we should definitely take note of?

      5 votes
    40. How do you manage your tasks, keep focused

      I'm currently in a "how can I improve and refocus" and wanted to see what this group thinks since either seems we have some pretty thoughtful and techy people here. I have toyed around for years...

      I'm currently in a "how can I improve and refocus" and wanted to see what this group thinks since either seems we have some pretty thoughtful and techy people here.

      I have toyed around for years with different techniques. I got really into GTD and used several apps focused on that even writing my own JavaScript app to use with Google sheets.

      I've used spreadsheets, OneNote, Wunderlist, plain text files.

      What do you use to keep your tasks moving forward and how do you use these tools to manage your tasks and get work done? I found spreadsheets are nice because you can do a lot of scratch work but it's hard to "check them off' but many "check them off" tools don't give you a lot of scratch workspace. OneNote is cool but I can't stand the Microsoft environment and it doesn't seem to give a lot of indication how best to use the tool. Maybe I should do a training....

      10 votes