Basically, the title question.

I'm rethinking my entire data backup routine, considering using Git to start tracking much/most (all?) of my assorted projects' histories. In most cases, it makes sense; but with my Calibre library, I'm not sure.

Has anyone tried this?

More particularly, if I do it ... what-all should be included in the .ignore file? Should I try to maintain a version history of the metadata.db file (an SQLite db file)? What about the ".calnotes" and ".caltrash" folders?

Thanks.

I've done some basic research, bought a guide book, read travel blogs. Still this will be a first time visit to a massive metropolis. If anyone is willing to share, I'm looking for advice.

What should I know re transportation? Does anyone have advice for reasonably priced delicious food? I've heard Oaxacan cuisine is good. I'll be traveling with a pescatarian. I know we're going to the Anthropology Museum and setting up a tour to the floating farms. That still leaves a couple of days. What are your don't miss experiences? What have you really enjoyed? Are there good websites for finding concert tickets? What about safety?

Hi tilderinos! We all love a good relationship drama thread, so I wanted to add my own. I'm posting from my main account because all this dirty laundry is already open and out between both my partner and all my friends and family. Thank you for any advice or support you can offer <3

The current problem

My partner and I are going through a very difficult point in our relationship, and I would really appreciate some outside perspectives.

The short version is: my partner of nearly four years recently told me that our relationship has always felt suffocating to her. She said she has tried to look for positives from the last few years and cannot find any. At the same time, she cried heavily while saying this, has booked herself into therapy, and says she does want a partner eventually. She just does not know whether that partner is me, or whether she can be in this relationship as it currently exists.

I love her deeply, but I also feel ignored, pushed away, and emotionally starved. I am trying to decide whether I should stay and give her space, leave, or take a formal break by moving out for a few months.

Background / how we got here

For context, I have had three serious long-term relationships before this one, and I think I have become much more emotionally mature through them, though I’m sure I still have plenty to learn. This is my partner’s first serious relationship. She has not dated much before, and in my opinion, she has also not had many deep, emotionally close friendships. She is also strongly suspected to be somewhere on the autistic spectrum, though she has never been officially diagnosed.

We met online and were extremely into each other. When we met in person, the chemistry was great, and afterwards we missed each other constantly. After almost a year, I started asking how we could make the relationship work long-term. She said it felt like a big jump, but we talked about it a lot and she eventually seemed fine with the idea.

Not long after, I moved in with her, which also meant moving country. To her credit, she was extremely helpful and considerate during that process.

Just before I moved in, she broke her leg badly and spent over a week in hospital. I helped as much as I could, but it was a very stressful start. I was moving country, taking on more chores, and trying to care for her at the same time. I did it because I love her, and I knew she would physically recover eventually.

What we did not expect was how much the recovery would affect her mentally. She became quite depressed, which is understandable, and it really took the wind out of the first year and a half of us living together. She had very little energy for me or the relationship, and intimacy was limited. I was not getting my needs met either, but we talked a lot and I felt like I understood what she was going through.

Around a year ago, things started to improve. Her mood was better more often, she seemed more present, and when we were intimate, she seemed to put in more effort. I was still the one initiating anything physical, which bothered me, but I hoped that would improve over time. Dates, time together, and our general friendship also seemed to be getting better. I felt like she was slowly trusting me more and letting me in.

Our living situation probably has not helped. I work from home all day, every day, in a room next to the living room. It is a very public space, and I think neither of us has really felt alone. Sometimes I would also play video games after work in that same area, which meant I was still in her space.

Her emotional difficulties

One of the hardest parts is that my partner has extreme difficulty understanding her own emotions. She talks openly about this. She often says she bottles everything up and does not really understand what she feels or why. She has also said she used to feel a lot more when she was younger, but at some point her difficult relationship with her parents caused her to start repressing things.

She often cannot answer direct questions about what she wants. Most of the time, her answer is “I don’t know.”

Sometimes, if we sit down and talk through it slowly, I can help her get to a clearer answer. But it takes a long time, and it is obviously hard work for her. I am also worried that this dynamic can become almost like therapy, where I am trying to guide her into understanding herself. I do not think that is healthy for either of us.

Another thing that scares me is that she seems unable to hold onto positive emotional experiences. We have had romantic dates and close moments where I know she felt something. I could see love, warmth, energy, and joy in her. But if I ask her about those moments a day, week, or month later, it is like the feeling is gone. She will just say, “It was fine.”

That makes the situation very confusing. When she lets her guard down, the relationship can feel genuinely loving and connected. That is part of why I am struggling to walk away. But she often makes an effort to avoid these moments.

I also have a strong suspicion that I might be the first supportive relationship with anyone she's had in her life before. Her family and her close friends (the same friends all the way from high school) do not offer any kind of emotional support or affection. They are the kind of people who don't say "well done!" but "...You could have done this better." There's been lots of instances during the relationship where she's reacted with confusion or surprise at what I would consider basic levels of kindness and support. 

The recent breaking point

This past winter, her mood dropped again. She became increasingly cold and shut me out. We went a long time with no physical contact, not even cuddling. She did not seem interested in anything I had to say, whether it was important or not, and she had very little to share with me either.

After a few weeks, I sat her down and asked what was going on.

That is when she told me the relationship was too much for her, and that it always had been. She said it felt suffocating and that she did not know how to “come up for air.” She said she had tried to find positive things in the relationship but could not find any, not even one, from the last three years.

At the same time, she was looking me in the eyes and crying extremely hard. We talked for hours, and I think she got a lot of catharsis from finally saying it.

After that conversation, she immediately booked herself into therapy because she said she needed someone to help her understand herself. I think that is a good step. But it also feels very much like an “I need help now” decision, rather than her having any clear long-term idea of what she wants.

She has admitted, through tears, that she thinks she would be lonely and unhappy alone. She does want a partner. She just does not know if that partner is me, or if she can be with me in the version of the relationship we have had so far. Honestly, I agree that the relationship as it has been is not sustainable.

What has changed since

Since that conversation, we have drifted apart. I am sad about it and I miss my girlfriend, but right now it feels like we are two separate people living in the same building.

The first practical thing I did was move my office outside the house, because I thought that would give us both more breathing room. I think that was a good step, but it has not fixed the deeper issue.

She has also become completely glued to her phone in a way I have never seen before. She still uses her usual apps, but she also downloaded a random stranger-chat app, similar to Omegle, where she talks to people about their lives. She seems fascinated by it, almost like it is a real-life sitcom.

I was obviously concerned by that. I challenged her on whether it was appropriate to be using an app like that while our relationship was in such a bad place, especially when those apps can easily become sexual. She said she deletes anyone who gets sexual and that she just wants to talk to people, but does not know how to do that any other way.

She offered me her phone, and from what I saw, the conversations were shallow and non-sexual. I do not think she is cheating on me. What it looks like to me is that she is seeking low-pressure connection with strangers while avoiding the pressure and emotional weight of our actual relationship.

She does not seem able to tell me what she wants from me or the relationship. When I ask whether she wants to stay together, move apart, take a break, reduce contact, stop physical affection completely, or work on things, the answer is usually “I don’t know.”

For my part, I want to support her, but she is not really accepting support from me. In fact, I think my care may sometimes make her feel more pressured, upset, or resentful. I have stopped being romantic and I am not initiating physical touch. I am trying to give her as much space as possible. But even small thoughtful gestures, like making her a cup of tea, can be met with coldness or irritation. I understand why she might feel overwhelmed, but it still hurts.

What I am considering

The practical side is not a major barrier. I have a good financial buffer, my job is secure and remote, and I could rent an apartment or potentially move in with someone we know. I have options, and moving out would be reasonably low-risk for me.

So I think my options are:

1. Stay, give her space, and support her when she asks for it.

   This might give therapy a chance to help. But it could also leave me waiting indefinitely for someone who may never be ready, or who may eventually decide I am not her person.

2. Leave.

   This would hurt both of us, and she would lose a major source of support. But it might also be the cleanest option if she genuinely cannot be in the relationship and I am only prolonging the pain.

3. Take a formal break by moving out for a few months.

   This feels like a possible middle ground. It would give her space to understand herself without the daily pressure of living with me, and it would give me some emotional distance too. The idea would be to check in after a set period and keep only light contact in the meantime.

What I need advice on

What would you do in my position?

More specifically:

• How much space is reasonable to give someone who says the relationship feels suffocating but cannot say whether they want to leave?
• At what point does being patient and supportive become abandoning my own needs?
• Is it appropriate to push her, even gently, when I feel like I know how to help?
• Is there a better option I am not seeing?

I love her, and when things are good between us, the connection feels rare and real. But those moments are not happening enough, and I am struggling with how cold and uncertain things have become.

Hey all!

I'm currently cleaning out the basement and rearranging some things after my brother in law has moved out. He spent the better part of every afternoon down here working out and (I'm assuming) sweating (figuratively) gallons. I pulled the mats up to move em around and was hit with a deep earthy smell which made me IMMEDIATELY panic. There was only one super dark spot which was immediately washed off with warm soapy water and steel wool. There are other places that don't look too bad, but I am seeing markings on the floor elsewhere that match the pattern of the interlocking mat.

I'd like to keep working out down here, but I'd also like to not cause mold problems in my own house. Can anyone think of a way to essentially insulate the mat from the cement floor without creating a different problem where the plastic bottom ALSO creates an environment for the mold to grow? It's also possible that I'm WAY blowing this out of proportion...

I'll include pics on a follow up post

I'm a web developer and find the playwright MCP to be genuinely useful. My LLM is able to navigate my site, measure the size of elements, see console errors, network requests, etc. This is the only MCP I've ever installed and haven't yet had any cause to use others. But I'm interested in hearing what other professionals are using.

I work across the street from a high school football field and track. During practices and games, they play music at volumes that rattle the windows. Recently, I was in charge of running sound for an event on that same field, but I could barely get my music to play loud enough to be heard. For context, this is a sound system locked in a case so there's no possibility of adjusting levels. There's an RCA aux port with a haggard 3.5mm adapter cable and iPhone adapter. My devices are a chromebook and galaxy tablet. I eventually downloaded the sketchest sound booster app for the tablet which helped somewhat, but nowhere near as loud as what those kids get at their sports.

Does anyone have any idea what's going on here? Why don't my devices output enough? Is there a better remedy?

I’ve been taking a stack of meds for a couple years now and they work great for me. It’s Prozac, Wellbutrin, and Vyvanse.

But I’ve been feeling numb recently. I told my psych, and we’re going to trial letting go of the Prozac. What should I expect? I’d like to have food taste good again, but I also don’t want the depression to come back.

My psychiatrist says that I should reach out to her if I feel intense multiday sadness, but are there other signs I should be looking out for?

I guess I’m just trying hear more about other people’s experiences with quitting/tapering off antidepressants.

Art is an escape, an outlet for creativity. I tend to also view it becoming a burden as barriers to creation arise. Even moreso should the business and networking aspects of it be involved, however necessary an evil it may be.

I'm curious what the process is to enter your artwork into a local gallery or museum. Do you mingle during art gallery events? Perhaps you encountered a formal application, wait-list, maybe an interview?

For context, I wanted to submit a 15 minute surreal Dadaist recorded performance about modern technology and the current climate of refusing to engage in active listening.

Hi everyone,

On one hand, I'm very lucky: last year my partner and I purchased our first house! It feels great to hop off the renter hamster wheel.

On the other hand, we had to make some compromises when we bought the house: I wanted to limit our search to houses that already had central air (heating and cooling), because we both work from home and I really want our house to be comfortable year-round. Unfortunately, in Northern New England, that eliminates around 90% of houses. So we compromised and bought a place that has a furnace with ductwork, hoping to eventually add cooling using the same ductwork. Last year, I reached out to a couple of contractors to get a vague sense of how possible that might be. Consensus? Potentially expensive, but feasible.

My situation:

• our house is small, ~1100 square feet in the finished upstairs
• half of the upstairs has shit insulation, other half is decent after renovation
• we currently have a 100k BTU oil furnace that absolutely keeps up. In fact, as far as I can tell, it's massively oversized -- even on the coldest nights (around -20 or so most winters, including this one), it only kicks on ~50% of the time
• we used around 500 gallons of heating oil from September-May (the heating season)
• our furnace is awkwardly tucked between the outlet chimney and three walls, which makes accessing it a pain (and complicates installing a coil on top; I'm not sure if there's enough room).
• thanks to a nearby massive hydroelectric dam, our electric rates are about half the average New England electric price (and come from a pretty environmentally-friendly source!). So the more heating and cooling I can do with electric, the better IMO. I'd rather pay a bit extra to heat with clean electric than save on propane/oil if fossil prices come down (big if).

With the warm season upon us, I'm feeling the heat during my work-from-home days and trying to get cooling installed before the temperature really starts cooking. And, despite having a furnace with existing ductwork that covers every room in the house (90% of which is directly accessible through unfinished basement ceilings), every. goddamn. contractor. has. recommended. minisplits.

But I don't want minisplits. I know it's easier for them. I know it's cheaper. I know most contractors in the area have installed hundreds of minisplits but very few central systems (let alone a combined heating/cooling setup where you have to worry about balancing summer dehumidifying with extreme cold efficiency). I know I'll have to clean out and insulate my ducts. Minisplits would surely work OK, but I really don't want to install one in each of our three bedrooms, plus one (or more) in our open-layout kitchen/living/dining space, and then still deal with no direct cooling in the bathrooms. Aesthetically, my partner and I both find minisplits ugly, and our house is small enough that most minisplit designs would make the tiny bedrooms feel even more cramped.

Ideally, I'd rip out our existing furnace (and oil tank!), install a cold weather heat pump in its place, insulate the ducts, and call it a day. But every contractor also advises that I "keep the old furnace around" in case the heat pump breaks (seriously?) or in case the heat pump can't keep up on the coldest days (fair enough). And then we take a look at the existing furnace, conclude it would be hard to add cooling on top of it, and they tell me to think about minisplits again.

So I guess after all of this, I'd really appreciate some advice from tilderinos with more home improvement experience than myself. Should I think about this differently? How on earth do I find a contractor who knows what they're doing with central heat pumps who doesn't push me aggressively towards minisplits or keeping my dirty, noisy, expensive furnace around? Should I just roll over, give up on my central cooling dreams, and install some minisplits?

I recently started a new job and have realized I'm not entirely sure what the scope of work is. I applied to a role that I was very well suited for and had a very clear objective. I went through like 8 rounds of interviews for them to decide that the team I applied for was CET and I am PT, which likely wouldn't work. So they made me a position with a team on the US west coast, be it a very different one. The salary is still wild so I took it, particularly in this job market, but now I'm having a hard time sussing out what the extents of my position actually are.

Has anyone been in this position before or have advice on how to narrow the scope of your work if it's a bit amorphous? Cheers!

I want to donate my kidney (not to anyone in particular, which would make the process far more straightforward), but I need help navigating the bureaucracy. Here are things I have seen about living kidney donation online:

• You can select five people to get priority access to kidneys if they need it (e.g., parents, spouse, kids)
• They will fly you to where you need to go for screening
• They will cover lost wages during recovery

Now I don't know who "they" is, or how to go about getting answers to these questions. Since I'm not tethered to a particular recipient, I can choose wherever to sign up, and I want to make the optimal choice both for myself and the recipient.

If you are a donor, especially an anonymous donor who's navigated this stuff, please reach out.

(warning and TL;DR : long and kinda ranty - I do want advice but this also ended up being me venting about my frustrations with two separate medical professionals)

I've suspected most of my adult life that I have some form of ADHD; some mornings I face debilitating initiation paralysis that causes me to be up to 2 hours late for work; I forget conversations happened and my mind is in a constant jumble of starting 5 tasks and finishing neither; sometimes I hyperfocus and sometimes I lack any focus - seemingly at random - and other tiny tidbits that upon a cursory glance through medical material, scream ADHD to me.

I've learned to cope with most of it, and thankfully I have a pretty chill job that lets me be flexible with my schedule without issues, but when you look at everything in context, it's pretty clear that my quality of life could be so much better if I sought professional guidance and medical attention.

So I did just that; went to my clinic, scheduled an appointment with a psychologist, and I dragged myself there.

I did my best to be objective and factual about my behavior, I made notes of stuff I did and symptoms I experienced over the course of a week, and answered every question as openly as possible, and yet everything felt wrong.

The psychologist didn't see ADHD in me, and instead chose to pursue my childhood and familial history, narrowing down on signs of anxiety. That felt viscerally incorrect to me, as it didn't reflect how I perceive my behavior. The way I understand anxiety doesn't align with how I think and behave. I don't worry about things when I am stuck in bed - I am pleading with my body to let me move so I can do the things I enjoy. I don't dread going to work - I want to go to work, and my brain says no. That is not anxiety, no matter how you frame it; at best, any signs of anxiety I may have are a byproduct of my struggles with executive dysfunction.

At the end of the session she recommended I return for a few more sessions so we can build a proper profile of my background and identify what we need to work through. But before that, she mentioned I could also see a psychiatrist, and ask them to refer me to her so the sessions could be paid for by national healthcare (I'm Romanian, for context).

So I did that, booked an appointment with a psychiatrist that seemed alright, and I basically hit the same brick wall I did before. My issues aren't neurological, they're behavioural - and I just need some counseling and discipline. And my inability to make my body move in the mornings could be just a sleep hygiene issue.

You've all heard or read about women having debilitating period pain and just being told to drink water or eat healthier or maybe go for walks more often, right? This felt like that; I'm facing a clear disconnect between my brain and my body, I have my daily life disrupted by things that are 100% out of my control, but apparently I just need discipline and better sleep. I don't buy it, as much as I want to.

I got so frustrated during the session that I started involuntarily masking and going along with the motions just to have it over. Internally I was on the verge of tears but I put a pretty smile on and left the room upbeat. That is not normal. I need help.

But they just don't seem inclined to want to offer it. I am a firm believer of Occam's razor but the psychiatrist's conclusion didn't feel like the simplest one - it felt like a massive oversimplification.

I did get a recommendation to take the DIVA-5 test (because neither of them were qualified to do it) so now I'm searching for a psychologist that is certified (which are rare, and pricey, from what I can see).

But until then, I just feel disappointed, misunderstood, and honestly quite angry. I asked for help and was given what amounts to scraps. My lived experiences were invalidated in front of me, in the places that were supposed to validate them and guide me towards finding an understanding of my behaviors and my mental health, twice in a row.

Those of you who got diagnosed, how many tries did it take? Is this the norm, just hopping from clinician to clinician until you find one that clicks and feels right? Or did I get massively unlucky?

Also, has anyone else taken the DIVA-5? How did it go for you?

One thing that drivers me crazy is how cluttered my social feeds are these days due to all the photos and videos and link previews. It just takes up so much screen space these days.

Is there anyway to turn the photos/videos/previews into normal links like old school twitter? Maybe a chrome extension?

I somehow have money I need to spend, more than I ever had, and where else to put them than where I spend most of my awake time. So for the first time ever I've decided to splurge on a PC that isn't a low to medium budget one. For reference, I'm currently on a 10 year old 1070 GPU with a 1080p screen and the rest of my PC is either also 10 years old or at least 5 years old so it truly is time to upgrade.

It looks like it's 10-15% more expensive to self-build nowadays so what I'm about to pull the trigger on is a package/prebuilt deal. But I can still pick and choose (some) parts from this store. Here's the specs at the moment:

• GPU: ASUS Radeon RX 9070 XT Prime OC - 16GB GDDR6 RAM

This seems to be the most reasonable buy. The price is about 70% of Nvidia's equivalent in performance while the next stepup, a 5080, is more like 240% as expensive. I however got recommendations to get at least 5080 for good framerates in 4k gaming on high settings. I am currently on 144hz and have gotten used to about 100fps in most games, so ending up with like 50fps would suck.

• CPU: AMD Ryzen 7 9800X3D

Something I play a lot is WoW, and that is apparently a very CPU heavy game, so this one seems the best choice in terms of performance in that particular game even though I'm reading it's somewhat overkill for most other stuff.

• RAM: Corsair Vengeance DDR5-6000 - 32GB

I practically never multitask so getting only 16GB would have been fine I believe, and opened some room in my budget, however this is a limitation of the package deal and I cannot go lower than 32GB. Besides, this should be futureproof.

• Motherboard: ASUS TUF GAMING B650

• Storage: Kingston NV3 SSD - 1TB

• Case: DUTZO C740 Airflow Wood

• PSU: Corsair RMe Series RM850e (2025) - 850 Watt

Here's a link to the full specs and options to configure.

So.. is 4k a bad idea with this setup? Because I really want to.

I would probably settle for 1440p (widescreen even?) but I'm sure 4k would feel like such a much more massive upgrade. So if this build is not capable of 4k for newer modern highly demanding games, would downscaling in them look disappointing? If anyone has experience with that?

If I end up on 1440p, if anyone has experience with this part, what do movies and such look like? Would a 1080p download look strange and blurry being upscaled? And would a 2160p download look weird being downscaled?

I have also seen some posts about 4k being not worth it on account of just how tightly packed the pixels are - that unless it's a more than 30" screen, it's not even worth it? Any truth to that in you guys' experiences?

Sorry for the long post, but thanks for reading!

Hey everyone,

I’m looking to add some freedom to my mobile device setup and could use some advice from anyone who might be familiar with what I am trying to do.

I am currently using an iPhone, but I generally prefer using android devices. In the past I have regularly switched back and forth between the platforms but it’s a pain to do and (being based in the U.S.) the turning on and off of iMessage tends to confuse the people I communicate with (and confuse their phones on occasion when it fails to acknowledge my number is no longer registered with iMessage). I also just got a Pebble Time 2 and want to use it with android to get the full experience.

Normally I would just make the switch, but I’m hoping I can decouple my setup a bit and get the “best of both worlds.” Due to a recent BOGO deal at T-Mobile, I have an unused line in my family plan that is free. What I would like to do is keep my main phone number tied to the iPhone I have but have it act as a relay for iMessages, calls, and RCS/SMS/MMS messages to my android device that I would carry with me.

Not only would this make switching devices easier in the future, it would allow me to seamlessly go back and forth between iOS and android with almost no disruption whenever I want to.

Here is a simplified list of requirements/questions I need to solve for this setup:

1. How to make and receive calls from my primary phone number on the secondary line (I assume I can setup some kind of call forwarding but that would only cover the receiving of calls)

2. How to send and receive iMessages from my primary phone number on the secondary line

3. How to send and receive RCS/SMS/MMS messages from my primary phone number on the secondary line

Would love to hear this community’s thoughts and advice!

I'm in my mid 20s and have had a pretty lonely life. I had a very lonely childhood, a less lonely but still fairly lonely adolescence, and again a very lonely time in college (in that case, because of a mix of mental hangups, the pandemic, personal circumstance that was a major drain on my time, and not managing all those things as optimally as I could have). At this point in my life, I essentially only have one friend, who I met a couple years ago and has since moved across the country.

I have more time on my hands now, am probably more socially adept than I used to be, but I find myself having lost or losing the drive to make friends. I guess I've gone so long without friends that I've lost sense at an emotional level of what the point even is. It's also friggin hard to meet people in the adult world and it seems like you have to put twice the energy to meet people that you vibe with half as much as when you were younger. I want to want to make friends, but it feels like I'd be setting myself up for more pain and disappointment by putting myself in that headspace. It also doesn't help that I'm pretty socially picky (not in a judgmental way, but I'd prefer a small circle of people I'm really close with over a large group that I'm not) and that I have a strong need to feel like the friends I make aren't "arbitrary", that they are the ones I am "meant" to be around. Has anyone experienced something similar or have any advice?

I had this idea that is mostly a pun. I want to train a Love Language Model (LLM) on a large corpus of love letters and/or poems. Tricky bit is to find a large collection that is available. Any advice on sources of transcribed love letters?

Edit: so far I've scraped a few website and downloaded a dataset from kaggle. I think it's enough for a just for fun project :)

@RoyalHenOil's comment in another thread got me thinking, and I feel like it might be helpful for me to hear what other Tilderinos have to share about this. I've wondered for years if I might have ADHD. Any time I've looked into it, it never seems like I check enough boxes for that to be an accurate label. But I've also gotten the impression that many psychological things like ADHD might be better understood as a spectrum (or even a region?), so lately I keep coming back to the possibility that I just have some other/related flavor of executive dysfunction. Or maybe I just haven't figured out how to "adult" properly yet for other reasons. I don't know, but it feels like being able to name the way my brain works would help things somehow.

I tried for hours to write up an explanation of my experiences, but I couldn't come up with anything that felt accurate and was a reasonable length, so the five-second version is this: The thing I keep coming across and identifying with is the "hyperfocus mode" that some people report. I enjoy this but also feel like it must have something to do with my struggles in some areas. I can prioritize tasks effectively plenty of the time, but I also can't at other times. If I used an Eisenhower matrix, things in the "important but not urgent" category would mostly be gathering dust (except for ones I happened to focus on). I don't really have any control over the "hyperfocus mode" and its target changes unpredictably.

There's an exhausting amount of nuance I could add to the above. I'd really love to hear from anyone who's had experience with any sort of divergent executive function that doesn't seem to fit into any of the currently available boxes we use to understand these things.

Addendum: I reread RoyalHenOil's comment just now and I think responding to it directly might be easier than writing out my own explanation from scratch, so I'll include that response here for anyone who feels like reading it.

I need to overhaul my home network.

I have a house on a lot that is ~60 meters by ~15 meters. my house is on one side and my garage is on the other, I have a little "studio" building in the middle.

I had relayed the signal around with 4 google/nest wifi mesh things for a decade or so. but I always felt locked out without even a web interface, just the home app. and then two of them died at the same time last month.

I ran some cable last weekend. Now I have 3 roughly equidistant wired switches wired together :House-Studio-Garage.
My current plan is just 3 wireless APs at each. I have a wired only brume 2 that i can use as the router.

I want to be able to have one SSID and roam between them. how well can that work without a mesh type network? just 3 good APs? My phone would stick to one before the mesh network. but that was a long time ago. Im hoping modern protocols might be better?

We have teenage kids, lots of phones and laptops plus wireless home automation devices, shelly switches, wyze cams, smart bulbs, etc.

I'm looking for something open source and as configurable as possible. I'm going in a linuxy direction lately and looking to have more direct access and control of my hardware. That's why I thought to ask here.

Claude and co have recommended:

Zyxel NWA50AXPRO
Cudy AP3000
Omada EAP670

After I pick an AP I also need to pick a switch. I used the old 3 switches I already had on hand: TRENDnet TEG-S82g, Netgear GS105, Netgear FS108. All 3 are unmanaged and one is 10/100. so I want to replace at least the slow one. I'm thinking of getting a managed switch with POE for the switch that connects to the router. I want to try running POE cameras at some point. I want to be able to make a plex server, NAS, etc. Again, I want something flexible and I don't mind fiddling with it or paying a little more for decent hardware. I'm considering the Zyxel GS1900-8HP.

Both the Zyxels apear to be openWRT compatable. which is something I may want to try.

I generally don't keep up with this stuff. I've never went very deep into networking before. I wanted to check with some real people. Has anyone used any of these, or any other good wireless APs? Is there another strategy that would work better for my setup?

Thanks for reading!

Random question. What do the wonderful people of Tildes think about self promotion here? My wife is an indie author. As a proud and supportive husband, if I posted about her new book here is that fine or in poor taste? I searched but nothing came up, which made me assume I just wasn't searching correctly. But maybe no one has asked before?

So I would love to know/hear everyone's opinions.

I managed to put a scratch into the d-pad on my steam deck and the replacement process looks more involved than I care for (gotta go through everything in the back to get to it). It's fairly shallow, about 1mm x 5mm, but right on the down button so it can be pretty tactilely distracting.

So I was thinking I may be able to 'refinish' it in some manner to get back a smooth, consistent feeling, but wasn't sure what I'd be able to use to achieve it. Any tips? I'm not too big on how most silicone button caps feel, but maybe I'll try one if it can adhere on the top and not try to fully cover it? Most seem to be going for some aesthetic though, which is also tactilely distracting.

Worst case scenario, maybe I use it as an excuse to replace the ABXY buttons too, they feel a bit loose and their friction when they slide against the edge instead of straight down is also a bad tactile sensation, so replacement button recommendations are also appreciated :)

SOLVED! I tried the suggestion from @mat first, which involved using acetone if it was ABS, and it was. I used several q tips, a cotton pad, and nail polish remover. Steps:

1. Clean area
2. With q tip lightly dampened with nail polish remover, swipe away from the middle of the d-pad, along the scratch, towards the edge.
3. Dry off/wipe down with cotton pad
4. Repeat until smooth!

It feels smooth to the touch and it even looks a bit better!

What are some ways to grow your savings without investing it into the stock market/401k?

In short, I don't want my savings to fund giant corporations. It seems like most mutual funds can't exist without a portfolio of such corporations despite calling themselves green or ethical.

I've been storing funds in CDs or HYSEs but wondering if there are any other avenues.

I had been having pain in my "upper butt" when sitting for a few weeks, so I went to an orthopedic practice that has urgent care walk in hours. He diagnosed it as sacroiliac inflammation and gave me an anti-inflammatory (meloxicam) and a PT script. The PT did not have an opening until week after next, but the medicine has has really helped with the pain.

Them took xrays during my visit, and the side-looking one shows spondylolisthesis (one of my lumbar vertebrae has slipped forward). He pointed it out (casually) and didn't say much about it other than he thought it wasn't the cause of my pain. Maybe he thought I already knew about it?

I have been having lower back pain off and on for a long time. I went to my doctor one time, and he diagnosed it as a bulging disc. He had given me some meloxicam and strengthening exercises to do at home. Since then, I would have pain in my lower back intermittently as well as occasional numbness in my leg, but I had just assumed it was a disc and tried to keep strengthening my core.

I am overweight (280lb) and not very active (software engineer). I started a new job that is in office this year, so I'm a lot less sedentary than I was working from home. I have a fantastic yoga teacher, and I do that every week. My practice in between classes has been intermittent at best, but I am trying to make it more regular.

Right now, I'm waiting for the PT to start, and I have a followup appointment with the spine specialist at the ortho in a fee weeks.

My biggest problem is that whenever I think about the xray, and seeing that disc so misaligned, my anxiety really spikes to 11. I get the "heebie jeebies", the same creepy shivering feeling I get if a bug unexpectedly crawls on me. It's happening most days. I feel kind of betrayed by my body.

I have talked to my therapist about the anxiety, and we are working on it. But in the mean time it is very stressful and distracting.

If you made it this far, thank you for reading. I am not sure what I'm really asking for. There's plenty of information online about the treatments. I guess I am wondering if other people went through it, how did it affect your mobility, quality of life, etc? Are there things you wish you had known?

Honestly, I think I could just use a (virtual) hug.

Hey, tildes - cqns here.

I know tildes ain't never do me no wrong (apologies for the heavy colloquialism), but I've been working off and on with a worldbuilding project for the past decade and a half. Some four years ago, I finally hunkered down and created a world map completely from scratch. Due to my extraordinarily high standards, I couldn't help but slowly figure out that there was a lot of things wrong with it after I went through the effort of making it, so I ended up redoing it several times over with additions and subtractions, still feeling like there was something missing.

Turns out, my hunch was correct. Long story short, I found a website called World Orogen that procedurally generates a planet within a certain degree of "realism". Tweaking some settings, I came across a design that was good enough for working on outside of the website, in which I was beset on another issue that quickly spiraled out of control, and I found myself completely out of my depth - map projections, which is a rabbit hole all on its own, and I could only understand the bare minimum basics, such as lat/lon, but that's pretty much the extent of my knowledge. Seriously.

Undertaking this next phase of the project would eventually (and I do say "eventually" because I haven't even gotten around to it yet) lead me to making individual isolated continent maps like how one would find in an atlas. I have asked the Orange Alien Website for tips on r/mapmaking, and while I did get some nudges in the right direction, I'm still attempting to wrap my head around the programs they had suggested. QGIS and G.Projector being the areas of my focus. It's hard enough for me trying to fathom the extensive features of QGIS in general, and as for G.Projector, it comes with its own kind of clunkiness that I'm slowly getting used to. My ultimate question here is...how would I go about finding a map projection to ensure size and area accuracy (because both are apparently different) of all of my continents?

For reference, I have included the map in question so that if anyone wants to give it a go and offer up a solution.

Catbox Link

Preface: I know not what I talk about.

INSTANCE: A Unifi network with multiple VLANs, each with their own subnet. A Linux client that is assigned to a single VLAN, connected to the network via Wi-Fi, and running a full-tunnel Wireguard config which tunnels data to the provider's endpoints.

QUESTION: While running full-tunnel VPN configurations supplied by a commercial VPN provider, how might the client device talk with other devices on the same (local!) LAN as it is, including devices that are on a different (local!) VLAN, and thus a different subnet?

Let's say, for instance, that I have the following network architecture:

Name        Subnet          Gateway     Mask
Internal    10.0.0.0/24     10.0.0.1    255.255.255.0
Hosted      10.5.0.0/24     10.5.0.1    255.255.255.0
Private     10.5.1.0/24     10.5.1.1    255.255.255.0
Guests      10.5.2.0/24     10.5.2.1    255.255.255.0

I have a device that is connected to the network via Wi-Fi, and is contained within the "Private" VLAN. It can also talk to devices that are in the "Internal" VLAN (by necessity), and devices in the "Hosted" VLAN.

Once I spin the VPN up, using a configuration gained from OVPN / PIA / NordVPN / whatever, the client can still communicate with devices on the same VLAN as it- for example, if the client is 10.5.1.132, it can still communicate with 10.5.1.42, but it cannot communicate with, say, 10.5.0.11. One would assume that is because the DHCP server has told it that it can access devices within a specific range through the correct gateway- and in-fact, this shows in the IP routing table:

Kernel IP routing table
Destination     Gateway         Genmask         Flags Metric Ref    Use Iface
default         unifi.localdoma 0.0.0.0         UG    1024   0        0 eth0
10.5.1.0        0.0.0.0         255.255.255.0   U     1024   0        0 eth0
unifi.localdoma 0.0.0.0         255.255.255.255 UH    1024   0        0 eth0

There are, as far as I can tell, a number of solutions for this problem. The first is to not use a full-tunnel VPN, and instead build a set of AllowedIPs which carve out the LAN ranges which you do not want tunneled. This, I think, is known as a split-tunnel VPN. If one wants to carve out all of the possible LAN IP ranges, as specified in RFC1918, it starts to become somewhat cumbersome:

AllowedIPs = 0.0.0.0/5, 8.0.0.0/7, 11.0.0.0/8, 12.0.0.0/6, 16.0.0.0/4, 32.0.0.0/3, 64.0.0.0/2, 128.0.0.0/3, 160.0.0.0/5, 168.0.0.0/6, 172.0.0.0/12, 172.32.0.0/11, 172.64.0.0/10, 172.128.0.0/9, 173.0.0.0/8, 174.0.0.0/7, 176.0.0.0/4, 192.0.0.0/9, 192.128.0.0/11, 192.160.0.0/13, 192.169.0.0/16, 192.170.0.0/15, 192.172.0.0/14, 192.176.0.0/12, 192.192.0.0/10, 193.0.0.0/8, 194.0.0.0/7, 196.0.0.0/6, 200.0.0.0/5, 208.0.0.0/4, 224.0.0.0/3

This might be the only solution that currently works on an Android device running the basic Wireguard APK, as found on Github.

An alternative solution is to carve out the LAN ranges you want to avoid routing through the tunnel using the PostUp/PostDown entries. For example:

PostUp = ip route add 10.5.0.0/16 via 10.5.1.1 [dev IFNAME?] [metric INT?]
PostDown = ip route del 10.5.0.0/16 via 10.5.1.1

This would work, on your local LAN, as long as you stay on the same VLAN and can connect to the correct gateway. Unfortunately, Android Wireguard cannot handle PostUp/PostDown entries, AFAICT. Small bother.

One final solution that I have heard mutterings about is known as "Classless Static Routes", or DHCP Option 121/249. This uses "CIDR" notation, and I'll be honest- here I am a little bit lost. I like the sound of this solution, as it means that I can configure the networking infrastructure itself to provide the required information for valid routing, and not have to faff about with the many, many Wireguard configurations on my devices.

Does anybody have any experience with this problem? Am I approaching this problem in an entirely stupid way? Is there a better way (insert infomercial here)?

My hypoglycemia issues are not related to diabetes fwiw. That said, I tend to get hypoglycemia a few times a day. If I catch it quick enough and treat, it's usually not a big deal, but if I get too low (maybe once I get into the 50s mg/dl), then after treating (usually about 15 minutes later), I get so. freaking. tired. Like, barely able to stand up exhausted. Currently dealing with this as we speak, and it's very frustrating. My endocrinologist told me it's normal to get tired like this while recovering. I'm curious if anyone else deals with this? If so, do you have any advice for dealing with the fatigue?

Tildes might be too small of a platform for this. If no one deals with hypoglycemia here, please feel free to remove it. I thought with the prevalence of diabetes, it would be likely there are folks who encounter this.

EDIT: In case anyone ever stumbles on this, turns out it was an insulinoma. I finally had surgery. Don't give up hope, answers can be out there, even if you feel like there's no where left to look.

Hello all, long time listener, first time poster. First time poster because this is a throwaway account as it will have more personal info included than I'd like linked to my main account. The point of this post is to request guidance/advice/ideas from the always incredible, intelligent, and helpful people of Tildes.

The high level points:

1. I am a female 40 year old, for lack of a better phrase, starving artist living in the US. I am single, live alone with my cat in an apartment, and have no debt.
2. I have not held a steady/normal job in over a decade (mental health being a primary reason), my personal income has come from a couple of very small business ventures where I make things by hand, some freelance graphic design, the generosity of friends, and pet sitting. The latter is dead in the water as all my pets were in another state and I just moved in the last 30 days to a place that is much smaller and simply will not have the customer base to do the same, nor am I all that interested in pursuing it here.
3. My primary method of financial support over the last decade was being the homemaker to my now-ex husband up until about two years ago when he informed me he no longer wished to be my husband. Since then my primary financial support was from my now-deceased father, who generously provided me with $2,500 per month to subsist on, with my previously mentioned ventures closing the finances gap as much as possible.
4. Over the decade of being in a single income household and for the last two years subsisting off a "guaranteed" income of $30,000 per year I managed to learn to be extremely frugal wherever possible so as to not spend above my means and keep a roof over my head. I eat once per day, my overall health isn't great but I am attempting to address that, and thus far my "retail therapy" budget to give me a little boost of dopamine has been $50 per month that is generally spent in thrift stores. I wouldn't call it living so much as I'd call it surviving and am often unsure why I bother.

The issue/question at hand:
My father has passed away and with him my primary/only means of support, with his passing I have inherited just over $500,000 in a Traditional IRA. So my primary question is how to minimize tax burden and maximize return on his investments to make them last as long as possible while I figure out the next stage of my life.

I am not opposed to getting a normal/steady job, but this is more difficult to obtain than one would imagine with a decade long gap in employment and an unwillingness to sacrifice the mental health gains I have made and gestures broadly everything else that is going on. There is also the bit of freedom that this amount of money provides that will perhaps allow me to double down on my small business ventures, investing in them/myself at a level that I was unable to do prior and therefore enabling them to become a primary source of support. So there is a thought of setting a budget, both monetary and time, to allow myself to try to grow my businesses first.

TLDR: Single, solo, poor, woman gets $500k pre-tax, how to make the most of it?

Some of you may remember me from another thread, where I hemmed and hawed and fretted my way through trying to navigate my struggling relationship. I thought I'd reached the final chapter, I moved out and established a place for my child and myself. I cut as many ties as I could with my now ex, but of course several threads still remain.

Yesterday (April Fools of course) I found out that they had been cheating on me since last May, at least. Potentially longer. Of course, I'm devastated. I knew they had found someone else already recently, but I thought it was in the last month or two. This new piece of the puzzle has solved so many unanswered questions I've had, while also creating many new ones.

I feel used, financially/emotionally abused, gaslit, and more. I'm still working on processing everything. I'm trying to remain calm for the sake of the kids (especially mine) but it's really, really hard. I know it isn't a reflection on me - I tried everything I could to fix things. It is hard however not feel that utter sense of betrayal in my gut and soul like a knife.

What resources, reading, supports, guides are there for this? I'm just trying to get through today and then I have a three day weekend to work on processing this all.

I sold off my last ICE car almost a decade ago, moved to the EU, and I've subsisted on public transportation ever since. Never thought I'd even consider buying another one.

However, the last year or so, I've been anticipating needing to buy a car, at least temporarily (the next 2-4 years or so), and I was just starting to semi-seriously window-shop EVs over here (in Germany), when the whole Iran thing started.

Now, I'm not sure, but I'm starting to think that it might be a good idea to buy a cheap used petrol or diesel car, use it, then re-sell it in a couple of years after I'm done with it (assuming it's still worth anything at that point).

I'm targeting a purchase somewhere around 3-6 months from now, and in the 3,000-6,000 Euro price range. I'd happily go higher for an EV, but not the literally 4x higher (15,000-20,000 Euros minimum) that I'd need to shell out for even a barely feasible new EV. I might or might not be eligible for a decent ~5k Euro govt subsidy on a new EV -- but my 15-20k estimate is assuming I get the 5k discount, which I might not qualify for anything at all.

My thinking is that decent used ICE vehicles are about to become very cheap and easy to find, while good used EVs are going to become vanishingly rare, and new ones are well beyond my target price range. And yeah, gas/diesel prices are nuts right now, and I know they're not coming down any time soon. Even if the war magically ends tomorrow, it'll be a gradual, months-long decline in prices to--let's face it--a couple years before we see pre-war prices again, if ever.

Very roughly speaking, my use-case is going to be infrequent, intermittent, high-intensity usage. Like, the car may be parked for one month, then I'll add 3000-4000 km to it the next month, then parked again for a month or two, etc. So even before, I was anticipating some difficulties with charging the EV during the long-distance high-usage periods. Now, even with the fuel price hike, I'm thinking it's a better deal for me to go with a dino car.

Thoughts?

I've been thinking on this for a while, and was inspired to ask about it while reading through the blackpill thread. I don't intend to actually look for a relationship for a while; it's been six months since the breakup, and my ex and I didn't agree to no-contact until two days ago, so I still have a long healing process to get through. But I have a lot of... dread? around not having a life partner forever, with the key factor being not having a close friend like my ex was pre-relationship. If I could emotionally and financially handle all life matters on my own that would be beautiful, but even just thinking about getting to the place I want to be financially while still maintaining a certain lifestyle is anxiety-inducing on its own. So again, even as I do not actively prepare to download any app and put myself out there, I'd like to take some notes as someone who has never used an app and whose previous relationships were by chance (classmates while in school, ex was from MMO).

For starters: I'm a cis woman, early 30s, and identify as lesbian, demisexual, demiromantic. I don't know where I am on the scale of conventional attractiveness. I'm extremely short and skinny. I've never really gone through the initial "dating" process (I knew my exes before getting in a relationship with them so we kind of jumped into being exclusive/"official").

The demi- bits mean a lot to me. I feel it makes sense to just seek spaces for activities that I enjoy and go on from there, but I feel like it's a difficult numbers game because statistically most people will be straight, right? And I don't think I exude any non-straight energy either, if that's even a thing. So this brings me to why I feel I inevitably will need to use dating apps - I fear the environment, I have never applied makeup on myself and couldn't tell you the difference between mascara and eyeliner without Googling, and the blackpill thread is filled with commentary on how these apps really cultivate a landscape with a focus on appearance. But simply being not-straight makes me feel I have to use an app for the basic filter of gender preference.

I don't see myself going to a gay bar (prefer not to drink). I can see some queer-friendly dating-focused events in my area that sound okay but I fear my issues with social performance will keep me away (I can perform for one person but the few events I see right now are speed-dating or casual mixers). Also some of them are hosted at wineries/pubs and I get that alcohol is normal, but I really don't like the vibe of bars themselves (too loud).

I also don't know if there are... things to "know" when trying to date as a lesbian? Like when folks talk about being masc/femme, those things don't really mean anything to me - I have male-dominated hobbies and don't wear feminine clothing, but to say that any bit of me says "masculine" in any way just doesn't seem right. I also honest to god do not know what expectations are regarding trans women. I can't write them off as I've never dated or been romantically interested in a trans woman, but I do fear that the... equipment, for lack of better phrase... might matter to me, and I don't want to offend too late? Is it transphobic to say I'd prefer to date cis women?

Apologies as I realize that this is definitely becoming more of a ramble on "how date, I've never dated strangers" and less on advice for use of dating apps specifically. But at the end of the day, yes, I feel that I will need to use dating apps but fear the experiences that I read about from using them.

Title.

This is my machine:

• OS: Windows 10
• Video editing software: Adobe Premiere
• Display (ED320QR S): 1920x1080 @ 144 Hz in 28" [External]
• CPU: AMD Ryzen 5 2400G (8) @ 3.60 GHz
• GPU: NVIDIA GeForce RTX 2060 12GB [Discrete]
• Memory: 64 GiB (7%)
• 1TB NVME SSD (I can't get the info right now on Linux, but it's a very good SSD)

I am looking into getting back into video editing for my personal projects.

My program of choice was and is Adobe Premiere.

So, how much has changed since then, and what is the best way for me to get up to speed? Do my knowledge and assumptions from 2014 more or less translate to current versions of Adobe Premiere? Should I use some other program instead? Are there any courses, summaries, or cheat sheets you would recommend?

I should probably clarify that going back to editing is a source of distress for me, since it was something I was too emotionally invested in back then, leading to a significant burnout. So I would like to overcome some of that emotional fragility by mapping the terrain a little bit before going back to it.

Back in the day, I used to love the courses on lynda.com. Something along those lines might help alleviate some of that anxiety.

Thanks!

I haven't been on the market for a couple of years, but I might be soon-ish.
I used to browse websites such as remoteok, or look on LinkedIn but it seems that those are mostly full of ghost offers...
Does it all happen through personal network nowadays?

I mean the blue light filter that's built-in in most phones and computers. on Windows, it's called "Night Light" and on most android phones, it's called "Reading mode".

so my question is, do I need not that at all and if the glasses accomplish the same thing? or if they're completely different things. I don't even know if the Anti-Reflective coating provides any protection from blue light.

also I read that blue light can disrupt sleep but I don't really have any problems sleeping, even though I don't use the night light/reading mode

I'll be brief.

I have a collection of plastic water bottles including a large 12 liters container. I am in the process of replacing them with metal, but large metal containers can be expensive (I'm not in the US). How much risk do quality plastic water bottles really poses to my health?

Thanks!

Hey Tildes,

There's a product that is sold in US Costco, where the Kirkland brand is a fraction of the price of the Canadian Costco brand name version. Without knowing anything about tarrifs or customs clearing, do you guys know of a service that I can ship to in US, that will forward my package to a Canadian address? Or is that all kinds of illegal or was possible but not anymore? Brief search on Reddit turned up AI and astroturfed results sadly

This is the "animation" (video, image). It is the circle on the upper left.

The watch is a very cheap one, a Chinese concoction called "Skmei El Luminous Dual Time". It looks great for my taste, but the insanely flashy, continuous animation is unpleasant. I bought it online, and the animation didn't look as annoying in the videos as it is in real life.

Yes, I know most people wouldn't care about that, but I'm neurodiverse etc.

The official manual makes no mention of the "animation", and asking AI was useless. There is a real possibility that the animation is hardcoded, in which case I will probably keep the watch as jewelry for special occasions.

Perhaps someone has the same watch and can help me out?

Thanks!

I have found myself confused about glue stick on the heat bed. I always have some applied, either reusing some from a previous print or applying it fresh. I manage a small print shop and have seen many prints fail, even on nice textured PEI plates, because no glue was used. I’ve seen prints fail only where there was no glue under the part many times. Yet I frequently hear from people, face to face, that they never glue. I’ve seen these people’s prints fail because they don’t use glue.

There are even special plates you can buy (SuperTack plates) that stick extra well to PLA to absolve you of the need for glue. But I find these coating on these plates to be too fragile.

Overall it seems like there’s a large contingency of people risking their prints and purchasing accessories to save what is maybe 20 seconds per print (that’s including periodic cleaning as you can reuse the glue many times). How do Tildes people feel about this? I teach a 3D printing class and tell people to always glue as they have nothing to lose. But maybe I’m missing something.

(This post turned out longer than I planned. TLDR: I’m thinking about going to university at forty and I’m wondering if anyone has any experience with this and would like to share those?)

For those of you who would like to know more background:

I grew up in a dangerous household which is why I moved out from my mom’s house at seventeen and immediately started working. I worked as a freelancer and started some small businesses, mostly in advertising and technology.

About ten years ago (at 30yo) I felt both advertising and technology were not the places I wanted to work in. These were just the places that were accessible for me at the time in order to make a living and survive. But when the survival mode subsided, I found they didn’t fulfil me personally.

I had a daughter on the way and wanted to find a way to make more of a positive impact on the world. Because I had no idea how, I started interviewing people who I looked up to. People who are very aware of the issues that the world faces but are not paralysed by it. People who try to fix the biggest issues of our time.

Very unexpectedly, those interviews became a big hit. The response was so overwhelming, that it has now been my full time job for ten years. I’ve interviewed 150 beautiful people, published two books in the process and I’m working on the third.

In the past 6 months the financial stress of running this whole thing has lowered dramatically and we have found people who are helping us with the whole practical side of running this thing/interview series/podcast/art project/… (I don’t know what to call it). Which made me think about what’s next.

When I was seventeen, all my friends were at university. I loved having them over and talk about what they learned. At the time, I hoped my business would become so successful I would be able to afford private tutoring in everything that peaks my curiosity. That didn’t happen :).

The interviewing I do sometimes feel like private tutoring. I have learned an immense amount from these people. Albeit not really in a structured manner.

On of my favorite YouTubers had similar issues growing up as me, and recently posted a video where he announced he was going to college. It made me think about my own life. Maybe I don’t have to stay ‘a dropout’/“selfmade” (I disagree with that term but many people call me by it anyway).

My life is safe enough now to go to university. I can afford it, and I believe getting a formal education would very much challenge me, enrich my work and my writing and could maybe even be fun?

This is a long winded way of asking if anyone here has any experience in going to university at a later age. As I stated in the title, I am almost forty, and as much as this idea excites me, it also scares me and some relevant stories would maybe help in knowing what to expect.

Thanks for reading this far and sharing whatever wisdom you’re willing to share.

hey there tildes. i’m moving out of texas in august no matter what and am trying to decide between chicago and portland. i was wondering if anyone here has lived in either (or both) locations and could help me decide by sharing their experiences.

i’m currently in texas and by the time i move, i will have only been here 1 year but this was always supposed to be a temporary stop for a job (that is very much not working out due to the owner of the company — i’ve posted about it a few months ago and struggle with it in my mind to this day).

i’ve moved around a bit, both in the same cities and across several states, over the past 5 years. im tired of moving and starting over, so im really going to focus on making the next place work for at least 5 years. the world is too chaotic for me to pretend to see farther out than that.

i had been reading and watching a lot of videos about chicago over the past month or two and now wondering if i should give it a try? i just assumed i would move back to portland by default because i liked it well enough and now im not sure if i should fall back to something familiar or try again somewhere else.

just want to say that i know moving wont magically make my life great and i know i will have to put in a lot of work to make everything work regardless. greener grass and all that.

portland

i’ve lived in portland before (2 years) and visited many, many times in the 7 years before moving there. i liked it for the most part.

things i didn’t like (mostly my opinion/experience)

• PNW gray, dreary weather for many months. im prone to bouts of severe depression and it’s a lot of work to keep healthy during the dark months. was in for seattle for 7 years prior to living in portland so i was maxed out with the gray perhaps.
• cost of living is kind of high for the size of city and offerings
• it’s a very slow, sleepy city that feels more like a very big town than a small city. sometimes i liked this about the city (less traffic, crowds) and sometimes i didnt (less “things going on”, especially later at night)
• the sheer amount of unsheltered people and seemingly no solution or even progress. when i lived there, it was really, really bad (2021-2023) and i’ve read that it’s actually gotten worse since ive left. it’s heartbreaking.

things i did like

• green year round, even if it’s gray and winter. beautiful outdoors/hiking, swimming in the river
• proximity to seattle (i have friends there)
• much more agreeable politics for me (Leftists everywhere)
• great food options, fun bars, interesting shops
• very bike friendly (newly into biking, was not when i lived there)
• decent public transit
• relatively friendly people though i did struggle with making deeper connections
• very positive towards folks who are queer or generally nontraditional. that’s important to me
• seems like a lot of creative folk live here

chicago

i’ve never been to chicago. i’ll visit in june to check it out. i also don’t know anyone there. this isn’t a huge deal since i have done this kind of move (only visiting right before moving and not knowing anyone) i guess 3 times now.

reasons i think i will like it

• liberal city
• great public transit
• big, dense city
• diversity
• seemingly decent cost of living
• people say midwesterners are friendly (?)
• job opportunities just by the fact that it’s such a huge city

things that are/may be negative

• brutal winters. i am not used to real winters. seattle/portland had very mild winters and even denver’s were honestly not bad at all. i hear lots of talk about chicago winters.
• crime. no, i don’t think i will be regularly mugged or killed like the US media makes it sometimes seem, but compared to everywhere i’ve lived before, it’s has a higher violent crime rate.
• friends/community. i’m in my mid 30s and it’s harder to make friends the old i get and that’s sort of my number one goal each time i move to a new city. also never really had “community” and would really like to have that in my life.
• politics. i know that portland is generally much more left and chicago is more generic democrat. this isn’t the end of the world and i don’t expect everyone to be as far left as i am but i want to be able to live in the same reality as my community.

huge wall of text, i know, so thanks for those that read it. i’m not great at organizing my thoughts in these posts, but i’m just tryin’ to figure stuff out!

if anyone has anything they want to share based on my likes/dislikes and your experience, please do! i really enjoy reading what the folks here have to say about things.

For context, I live in the tropics and get a lot of sunlight for most of the year outside of monsoon season.

I was recently chatting with some coworkers and one of the mentioned baking cookies on their dashboard during the summer, and I remember my brother mentioning doing that when he lived in Arizona. That is something I could probably do here, but we always keep a sunshade up in our car so it isn't incredibly hot when we get inside.

This got me thinking about solar ovens since I remember seeing a video of someone using one to cook online awhile ago, and I was curious if anyone here has one or has any experience using one and if it was worth it or if they would have any recommendations.

I'll be brief. A friend of mine told me about an Android app called Slowly, which simulates sending letters to people around the world with a time delay representing their distance. I answered that I probably would rather send actual letters instead. I installed Slowly but it is a hellhole of gamification and aggressive monetization. So I went back to the idea of just sending letters to people that I write on paper. I am new to this and several websites exist to facilitate finding pen pals. One of them, Global Penfriends, also has an internal messaging system, which I felt kinda misses the point? Anyway, I think that might be a great inexpensive hobby but I have no idea where to begin with. Some websites have premium tiers too, but it is not clear if this is something I would need.

Any suggestions?

Hey all,

I'm a computer science major, and I'm about to graduate at the end of April. My general life situation is a bit messy, so unless I can find a job this month, I am going to have to look into some less-than-savory options for housing and feeding myself.

I've applied for ~280 entry-level software engineering positions thus far and have had a few calls back, but once the company realizes that my graduation date is a month out, I never hear from them again (I follow up anyway, just in case.) I also have been working an internship through school for about two years, and expected to get a return offer, but that recently fell through. I can continue to work there past graduation, but I'd still be an intern for the foreseeable future, and that will not be enough to cover rent.

I haven't given up, exactly -- I'm still networking rather aggressively, and, even though it makes me feel bad, I'm milking every connection I have to try to find something. I just don't feel like the chances are good that I land a software job in the timeframe that I've got left, so I want to start looking at what else I can do with just "a degree" as opposed to "a computer science degree." Obviously the job market is horrible for everyone right now, but wider nets catch more fish and all...

So, any suggestions?

So I kind of want to get out of the Gmail ecosystem, and have been eyeing Proton as a good replacement, but I can't help but to think that nearly all of Proton's selling points and marketing points are all smoke and mirrors.

And I don't know, maybe I'm looking at this entirely the wrong way, I am just really struggling to see the appeal of Proton.

First, I'll start with my "threat model".

In general I want to be more anonymous online and slip under the radar better.

I'm not planning on doing anything clandestine, but with the direction the US is going, I'd rather not be an easy target if I want to be active in activism spaces if you catch my drift.

And I'm also interested in staying off of databrokers radars, or obfuscate myself to prevent coherent tracking.

With that being said, it seems that even with a proton email if someone wanted to find my identity they could, data brokers or governments alike, even if I pay for my subscription with cash.

And not that I'm really worried about that, but to me that negates like the entirety of Proton's marketing gimmick.

And I'm failing to see what functional benefit Proton has when it comes to privacy outside of just being "aesthetically private".

Here are some of my concerns, please feel free to correct me if I'm completely offbase with any of the logic below, but this is just my initial thoughts, and I'd love to hear some feedback and/or be corrected or provided more context.

1. Why does the encryption of the message body matter if the envelope and address are is still exposed? If a government or data broker can get the sender/receiver info, timestamps, and my IP, they have a map of my life. Isn't the "private content" just a distraction from the real leak? Like other than not having my emails used to train AI or data being sold to data brokers, I can't find a functional improvement or benefit to my daily life to use Proton outside of thinking "Yeah, fuck The Man" every time I log in. Like I am more worried about governments and data brokers knowing who I'm sending/receiving things from than I am about the content of those messages being exposed since I'm not going to be monologuing evil plans over email, and I really don't care if the databroker tracking me knows that I bought a case of liquid death root beer 4 times in one month since they get that information from Amazon or whatever website anyways.

2. Everyone talks about "Swiss protection," but isn't that just a speed bump? If the U.S. government goes to Switzerland with an MLAT request, Proton has to comply. And even if I've payed with cash, they can still be compelled to log the IP logins and hand over the alias emails and primary mailbox used by that account and the metadata. So if I sign up for something using an alias, they can take that alias and file an MLAT request with Switzerland to get my main email, the metadata for my entire inbox(just not the body content) and the other aliases tied to that account, and then do a search for any services using those emails to find my identity. They could technically use an alias email I've made, send an information request to Switzerland/Proton, get back a list of aliases and email metadata, find that I used an alias to sign up to a pizza delivery service, then subpoena that pizza delivery service for my name, phone number, and address, at that point what's the point? Is the point just to make it harder for them? I'm not planning on doing anything that could get them to want to subpoena my emails ANYWAYS, but what's the point of making it harder for them outside of again, just thinking to myself "haha fuck you" every time I send an email?

3. Even if I use an alias, if the site I use the alias on gets tied to my online data/identity, then my privacy is broken, right? Like lets say I want to sign up for a new site called godotshaders.com, I use a proton alias to sign up. This site then collects that data, my IP, my cookie data, browser user agent string data, and that I'm logged into some account with my other non-proton email, etc, that gets tied to my browsing data they're collecting, and suddenly they've linked that alias email to my advertising profile and other browsing. Rinse & repeat. Now all the aliases are tied to me. I don't see how these emails help with online advertising tracking.

4. I have tons of accounts I use, my bitwarden login count sits at around 850 logins, but I probably only regularly use a small fraction of those. But if I end up changing my email on a lot of those accounts to the proton email, even a proton alias, all that does for data brokers is potentially tie every one of those new alias emails to me. And at that point there is no difference in my data broker information just that I have 850 different alias emails. But my data is still tied to those accounts. So AGAIN, what's the point of this? Do I need to sign up for everything from scratch in order to maybe have privacy?

I’ve gone a bit too deep on a rabbit hole after an offhand comment about protein intake and how much protein I should actually be consuming. It turns out that the 1.6g/kg of body weight is fairly arbitrary and body weight itself is not a particularly good point to use for an estimate if you are overweight. With that in mind I have been wondering about getting a DEXA body composition scan. It would be useful, I think, because it can also tell me about visceral fat which is an area I am particularly concerned about.

It turns out that it’s pretty cheap to get done; about $45 if you sign up for quarterly scans with a company called BodySpec. Their whole thing is making things cheaper by having repeat visits; a quantity discount, if you will.

Before I decide to do this (and while I wait to hear back about if I can get one done for free with my health plan), I just wanted to get people’s opinions on them. Have you had one or a series done? And more importantly, how has it empowered you to improve your health?

In all honesty I’m not sure the results will encourage me to make any particular change in my lifestyle or routine that I wouldn’t have been able to figure out without it.

Hey guys, I hope this is the right place to post.

So my adhd hyperfixation has recently shifted towards an idea for a game and I want to indulge my ADHD by learning all I can about game development to see if I can achieve this idea to the point that maybe I can put it in "Early Access" to fund even more resources on it.

But I'm not sure where to start. I'm looking into Godot because it's free and open source and has a lot of community resources, but also wanted to see if anyone had any ideas here.

I have some coding experience, a lot of technical experience and pick things up extremely quickly.

The basic idea is that it's a 2D Sidescrolling RPG, but with Match-3 "Candy Crush"-esque mechanics for battles and fighting.

Anyways, I'd love any advice or resources. Or if you'd like to help out or discuss the game idea more I'm up for that too.

I have a dentist appointment coming up. It's on April 1st, which in the US is sometimes known as April Fool's Day. Last year when I made the appointment, I was joking with them that I was going to have to play some kind of a prank since it's going to be April 1st. So I feel like I need to follow through on that, but I'm coming up short on ideas. I did some looking online, but most of the pranks are the dentist playing pranks on the patients, not the other way around. There is this one, but I'm not sure that I can pull that off. I thought I'd see if any of you Tilderitos have any ideas.

TLDR/Warning: this might be a tedious read. But I'm curious if I could have gone about rating my albums better.

I tend to simply either favourite an album or not. The idea of giving albums and tracks marks out of five stars seems tedious, difficult to match to how I feel and just doesn't match how my head works. But my collection has grown over the decades and I've been bed bound a lot lately, so I'm trying to organise/categorise based on my feelings towards the albums rather than genre. I'm also hoping to rejuvenate my old interest in music (playing in a band and recording for a living took the shine off of casual listening for me). I thought it would be an interesting experiment to try out, so I rated songs from over 50 albums.

I came up with a rigid and hopefully balanced definition for each rating:

• 1 star - Dislike. I hope I never hear this song again (but I'll keep it purely because it's part of the album)
• 2 stars - Neutral. It doesn't annoy me, but it's too generic to be interesting
• 3 stars - Sometimes this song hits the spot.
• 4 stars - This song usually hits the spot.
• 5 stars - This song always hits the spot.

Then I rate the album out of five stars based on the average of the song ratings. The result is that no albums got 5 stars, a seven got 4 stars, the vast majority of albums are rated at 3 or 2 stars. Even among the 3-star albums, some I like much more than others depending on whether they contain mostly consistent 3-star songs or half 4-star songs and half 2-star songs.

I wonder if the lack of 5-star albums is because of the definitions I gave each of the 1-5-star possibilities. For example, I don't know if any song "always hits the spot". Or maybe it's just that I'm not as into my music as I used to be.

Anyway, I thought maybe people interested in music and data might have thoughts on going about this differently. It's worth asking before I do the next 1,000 albums :) Maybe you'd define each of the 5 stars differently. Any takers?

Edit: thanks to everyone for reading all this and commenting their thoughts. I have a system I'm happy with now, but always happy to continue to chat with fellow (and reluctant) pedants about this.

as a grapheneOS user, I obviously care about my privacy, hence why the iPhone will not be my main driver, the grapheneOS device will continue to be.

but I might be getting a free iPhone soon and I have an idea of what I would use it for (Podcasts as Apple Podcast is the best cross-platform podcast app I have come across) but am not sure what else I would be comfortable using it for as I don't know what actions are safe without having Apple gather that much data or telemetry on me.

I know that I won't be using iCloud on it. I have no need for Apple's data storage. Nor do I see myself ever using the App Store, except for installing a VPN app. I might install Signal on it but not anytime soon (not least of which cause Signal does not yet support multiple smartphone usages for the same device). I definitely won't use iMessage as I don't believe in using a messaging service that is limited to a specific ecosystem.

I will note that I wont install a SIM on it. It will be using Wi-Fi for the foreseeable future.

Given these things, i am not sure if there is anything i should be on the look-out for in terms of privacy concerns with the usages I have outlined above

Edit:

Based on the answers to my post, I am getting the sense I didn't explain my current situation, which fair enough.

I have audio and video podcasts I consume, for my audio podcasts that I tend to listen to while commuting and exercising, AntennaPod proved a God send for this, to the extent that I wanted to support the app financially until I saw that they said their costs are already covered and it made me appreciate them even more for their honesty.

However, I have a free iPad I got by accident (not worth going into here) and I prefer to consume my video podcasts on a bigger screen than my google pixel. I don't trust Google with tablet development after a bad experience with another tablet I had from them so that was out. so I decided to just use the free iPad and was delighted to find their Podcasts app also supports videos.

However, I wanted 1 service that I can use on a phone and tablet. AntennaPod does not have any iPad apps. I saw this page and the 2 alternatives seemed to be Pocket Casts and Podverse. I tried Podverse but the iPad app would not even launch for me, it crashed every time so I said goodbye to that.

reading into pocket casts, it seems they do collect some data and they do have the option opt-out of that but that could very well change, which means I'd be in a situation where I could be paying for a product while also having my data collected and I disagree with that business model.

So, Apple Podcasts is probably collecting some data on me but I figured all it knows is what podcasts I listen to, which isn't terribly useful (I hope) considering I have subscribed to podcasts from a feed I generate myself.

And I happened to already have an old iPhone lying around at home so I decided to switch to using that for my audio Podcasts and use my iPad for video podcasts and its sometimes glitchy since I would call the Apple Podcasts synchronization experience (between devices) half-baked at most but I can make it work for my use case. So I am already using a separate iPhone just for podcasts and I might be in the position where I get a new iPhone which would replace the current iPhone but not sure what new threats to be aware of privacy-wise. I would be upgrading from an iPhone SE first gen to whatever new version I am getting.

so like most of the community, I wanted to do a dance when I saw https://tildes.net/~tech/1t09/motorola_and_grapheneos_foundation_partnership_announced. However I have a Google Pixel 6 and according to this page, that stops getting security updates this October.

now what I can't tell is is it a better idea to wait for the new moto+grapheneOS phone or bite the bullet and buy a supported pixel. I don't know if anyone know how long until a moto+grapheneOS phone actually hits the market. If it's next year, not a big deal to wait. If it's 2+ years, I get worried about missing out on security updates.

Not sure the best course of action, security wise.