I started this in ~life even though my own response is a tech service, to enable more diverse conversation.

For example, this could be something people normally pay for but you'd rather DIY, or a subscription service you use but don't see the point in paying for.

I don't have kids, but I'm wondering about success stories parents have had with raising theirs in this sometimes scary world. Online, we hear about brainrot and inappropriate Youtube videos, and social media horror stories, and some of that could be massively overblown, I have no idea

So to flip that around, what are some good ways people have found comfortable having their kids spend their time?

Im trying to get into the habit of setting a daily/weekly routine of hobbies, chores, meal planning etc.

Right now, they happen when they need to happen but its not the most efficient or well coordinated. And i'd like to spend less time thinking about when to do things or what to do for routine activities.

What are some routines that work for you well?

I don't know why but I feel like I always want validation from others for anything I do, either online or IRL. especially if I'm trying to do something new or a little different. I have no idea how to stop doing that... I'd appreciate any advice

Caveat: I'm following up with my vet for most of this, but she's newer and is having to do a lot of consulting with other vets in the practice.

Info: I have three cats,

• adult female - Nova, 13ish?
• adult male, Pippin 3ish
• male kitten - Fig 5 months (he's very sneaky)

Ok so, my girl Nova has been diagnosed with diabetes. This has entirely upended our feeding schedule and she's not coping well with it. We'd previously used some automatic feeders that dropped food 6 times a day, because she would stress out about not having food and then overeat and would throw up in both scenarios. But now all three cats are on different food (all kibble), and at least Nova would prefer to eat any food but her own, or have seconds, but the others would too if left to it. So they're being fed in different rooms at the same time.

Nova is ravenous, aggressively trying to drag her bowl out of my hands, headbutting the tub of her food (she caught it loose once) across the floor, running to the other bowls in case there's CC. food left once they're separated. She just dove for one as I was trying to just let a cat out of the room instead of pick the bowl up. She's always under my feet in a way that she used to be good about avoiding. I've stepped on her several times, and hurt my ankle and wrist last night catching myself.

Any suggestions for the perpetually (thinks she's) starving cat? I just got her a glucometer and am figuring it out but haven't been taught how to adjust her insulin as of yet.

Part of the difficulty here, and another area I need solutions in, is that she'll (mostly) inadvertently scratch my partner's leg when she wants his attention usually to be fed. I think occasionally it's intentional but he uses a wheelchair and mostly can't feel the leg - a cut can be dangerous for him, but also sometimes the touch/pain sets his leg off in a spasm cycle that is incredibly painful. On a bad day he's feeling guilty for how angry he is at her and is afraid he'll hit her (he probably wouldn't, but he doesn't have the control to say intentionally tumble her like a mama cat to a kitten, and she would probably claw or bite if he tried plus she's been sick and he's already afraid of hurting all the cats with the chair.) he's done the spray bottle thing in the past, she likes water and we know it's not ideal, but it's usually something that happens when he's not looking or can't see or hear her til she gets him.

Finally I need a better storage method for the food. Something she can't headbutt open or into dropping food, but that I can leave out in an open space. Currently I have a bag in a bathroom vanity, a tub of the Rx food in a spare room, and a bag in a closet. They have torn the bags open in the past (working together as a team, I suspect) when they're not secured.
I've thought about the microchip feeders but the youngest isn't chipped yet and frankly they're really expensive.

Summary of Asks:

• Help with a diabetic cat who's perpetually starving
• Help with getting a cat to stop scratching a human's leg who can't see it coming (addressing the first might help)
• Help with ideas for cat food storage/dispensing that would be more accessible than 3 bags in 3 closets in 3 rooms, two of which my partner can't access.

Bit of a vent here too, just everything is expensive right now too so I'm trying the best I can. Pics added.

I recently joined a tech company purportedly with a mission I believed in. Before joining I had some hesitance about how their product achieved that mission, but I liked most the people I interviewed with and the offer was good. Turns out despite being profitable it’s a dumpster fire of a company led by a terrible person who is actively hostile towards my coworkers and our customers. So, I’ve been looking for a new role to get out ASAP.

Some challenging factors: the market is tough right now and I don’t get as many interviews as I feel I should, SWE interviews remain extremely stupid, and occasionally my brain just shuts off during interviews despite practicing it a million times. So getting an offer isn’t a breeze.

The question I’m wrestling with is should I join another company whose product I’m very skeptical of? It has market traction and many of you may have heard of it, but it’s not very compelling and it’s in the blighted world of social media (which I largely don’t use). My fear is that a bad product may necessarily mean a bad company. The confusion for me is that every single person I’ve interviewed has been incredibly down to earth and genuinely fun to talk to. They all claim to respect work-life balance (it’s remote too) and it doesn’t seem like lip service; they pay very well too. The opportunity to learn skills I can’t learn in many jobs seems compelling.

The role itself is the title I want, but the focus I’m not wild about. It’s a bit more user growth focused than I’d typically want. The problem is my current job is wrecking my mental health and I’m desperate to get out.

I’m interviewing with two other companies with better missions I’d much prefer to work for but both are dragging their feet and lower pay; one pays pretty terrible. I’m rapidly approaching a point where I will likely have a single offer in hand with no guarantee that others will manifest.

Any thoughts or guidance on how to navigate this? I want to approach this as “a job is just a job” and clock in and clock out, but I’ve seen at my current role that is not possible as I carry the stress and despair into my free time. I desperately don’t want to join another toxic company, but I don’t want to use that as an excuse to stunt my career growth either.

I wanted to share this nice little story that happened just minutes ago. I'm putting this on a post because perhaps people would like to share their own stories for the vibes.

I went for a quick grocery run. On the way back, I realized that I did not have my wallet in my pocket anymore. It wasn't in my pocket and it wasn't in the grocery bag.

The walk to the store was quite short but I did not see it after backtracking. A guy spotted me looking for something on the floor and asked me what I was looking for. With some diligence, he verified that I was indeed looking for a wallet and he pointed me to a barbershop close by. There, two guys were looking for me by searching my name on Facebook using the ID in my wallet.

I thanked them (in the local language, neither my first nor second language) and went about my way because I didn't know what else to say. I felt like I could have done more. Like thanked them with more words or given them a small reward etc. I was overwhelmed by the unusual situation that I didn't have any time to think.

I got home and searched for a non-monetary token of appreciation but by the time I came back they were already gone. I didn't even think they were going for a haircut.

Anyway, that was a super nice experience even though I kinda feel bad for not having shown more appreciation. I was already at the point of transferring money out of my card but I was lucky enough to have found such kind souls.

Anyone have similar experiences recently or otherwise?

Inspired by https://tildes.net/~life/1q0v/what_is_a_business_org_thats_so_terrible_no_one_should_use_if_possible

If you're finding it hard to come up with something, remember that medium, small, and local businesses do exist ;)

Also, good deeds are not enough; their product must be awesome too!

If at all possible, let's keep this positive!

I went to a friend's print shop today. We've been friends for a while now, business associates even longer, and it's a small mom-and-pop print shop with two presses that I go to for all my small to mid-format printing needs. I'm a graphic designer, and sometimes I need a brochure, business cards or some smaller posters done. The business is well regarded, is cashflow-positive and has a strong local presence within my city.

However, said friend - the owner and sole employee - is getting tired of the work. They want to retire, in around two or three years, and that would mean closing down the shop. They're running it as the third owner now, and previous owners have been running it since 1970. So, I joked about maybe taking it over one day - and my friend was immediately interested. They said that that would take a load off their mind, and that it would be nice to have someone like me continue the legacy of this established store.

And, well, I gotta be honest with you, I really want to do it. The work is something I've done before (digital print, prepress, cut and finish printed products, printer maintenance and first and foremost graphic design), and my actual education was in graphic design. I'd be able to do both the craft of print production and offer more services like brand and web design to my prospective clients (which would be a value add to existing and new customers).

The thing is, I've never run a business. I'm not a business person, and I don't know the first thing about it. I know about how to deal with customers, how to budget my time and money, and how to work in an organised and precise manner, but I've never been a manager or a boss.

So, I guess, this is my question to the Tildesian hive mind: Is it doable? Is owning a business really that difficult if you know how to do the actual day-to-day operations well? Should I leave the safety of wage labour and try to make something of my own? Has any of you taken over a business or founded one, and if so, what are things I should know?

PS: I'm 25 years old and am from Central Europe.

BMO Bank of Montreal. Im speechless over how incompetent they are. (Canada)

Nestle. Because they're evil.

Others?

Edit:

See also the positive inverse of this post: What is a business/org that is great and ethical in so many aspects that everyone should consider using?

I know if I posted that on Reddit, all the top answers would be something like "Money"or "It lets me survive" but I'm looking for something deeper than that.

I'm a teacher and school just started where I lived and I realize how much freedom the job gives me. I can considerably modify how my day will go as long as the students learn the curriculum. I love that freedom.

I also love the human nature of it. I get to know and see 100 kids develop every year, plus, I teach juniors and I've had a lot of my last year students stop by me to say hello and talk about their summer or their current teachers. It's fun having all these random positive conversations every day.

I get to learn a lot about people and about me. I love that growth.

What about you?

I have a 4 year old and I'm looking for some video suggestions (ideally a series) that showcases cultures around the world. I have lots of options handy for seeing all sorts of animals from any corner of the globe that are all very kid-friendly if not kid-oriented, but not a lot comes to mind when I want to introduce her to human life around the world. Particularly in urban places. Her exposure to these other cultures is usually just as porters helping some white guys walk around a jungle looking for animals. I can also find lots of travel series, which go to different places, but they are all oriented to adults-- either talking about how to travel to these places as a tourist, or have more adult jokes or are too focused on the presenter.

Are there any well made series about life in other places? I'd like her to see life in Tokyo, Cairo, Mexico City, favelas of Brazil, Amsterdam, Mumbai, etc.

Here I am, late-30s languishing on a grey Sunday afternoon. After finishing my first real week-long vacation in 4ish years without even side-hussling, a thought is growing: I don't really want to go back, what's next?

I've browsed topics discussing career changes/pivots when the OP has a desired endpoint, but I could use help brainstorming one step earlier: how to figure out what jobs/career move I might like, might be feasible/pragmatic for me, and even just exist?

Meandering background
if tl/dr, skip to questions below
My current job (ux/comms) is objectively decent for pay, coworkers, work/life balance. So, not in a rush to jump ship. [Edit: removed some details about myself]

Questions

• Any overall life advice or thoughts on that 'something new' itch? Maybe I shouldn't equate it with my career alone?
• Do you have general guidance/anecdotes on how to meaningfully explore job/career desires or options?
• Do you know of niche job opportunities/fields that might tie into skills in various combinations of ux, communication, biology, environmental sciences, possibly healthcare? Or, how to find them? Especially in the Canadian job market context?

Housekeeping: feel free to change group/tags if appropriate. This is also a lot more than I typically share online, I may remove some personal details later.

Recently there has been a discussion thread about how many people (myself included) are recently finding it difficult to find meaningful, lasting friendships. Let's change that. I don't know if we've ever had a thread like this, but if we did then it must have been a while ago (or my search juju failed me).

Normally, the "finding friends 101" involves finding a small community that revolves around one of your interests, then make friends within that community. Finding those kinds of small communities on the internet has become nigh-on impossible, at least for me. Discord is no substitute; most Discord servers revolving around a certain interest are massive in size, with text channels flying by faster than a popular streamer's Twitch chat.

So we're breaking the code. Instead of finding a specialized community for your interests, just type up a list of your interests, quirks, or whatever other things you'd like to lure new potential friends with as a response to this thread. Go into as much detail as you'd like. If anyone has mentioned an interest you share, send them a DM and start a conversation! (That goes for the lurkers too – if you are one, don't be shy; you play an essential part in making this thread work.)

Note: it may be helpful to add other details too, like your age (if you want friends in a similar age group) and what kind of friends you're looking for in your post. Some people may be looking for people to hang in voice chat and play games with; others may just look for people to discuss topics via Discord DM; and others still may not even necessarily be looking to take their new friendship outside of Tildes. All of these are completely valid.

I have been overly obsessing about getting a new backpack for the past week without any reasonable way to move forward. I came across this bag because I was searching for something that holds my lunch box and laptop in a tinier volume. Here is what I found from Decathlon UK which not only fits my needs but looks stylish as well! Now, although I can work around with other backpacks for my use case, I really want to get my hands on this one.

Although the same backpack is available in other countries like Ireland, Italy and other EU countries, I have been unable to obtain this on the US site. Writing to the customer care has not been helpful as they asked me to get it from a third-party forwarded from elsewhere.

While I have acquaintances in EU, I wouldn't consider them close enough to have it shipped to the US as a gift (de minimis rule is going away by 29th August, so there will be extra tariffs!). I looked into it getting from a forwarding service and eat the cost, but it is stupid expensive and overall I am looking at about 80-100€. As a student, that is not viable either.

I kinda grew too attached to the idea of using this for my everyday carry for college since I only carry a laptop, a notebook and a lunch box. And I love small backpacks. At this point, I am giving up on getting it :(

Do you have any suggestions on how to get this backpack to the States?

I have Tinnitus and I love the sound of crickets. Recordings are nice but they don't hit nearly as well. I have a hearing aid which is nice but real crickets are much better. They hit a whole bunch of frequencies that provide me with great relaxation.

Has anyone here raised crickets? I do not intend to eat them. Just hear some real crickets every night when I go to sleep. Perhaps on a small box near my bed.

I live in a house with some space I can use. I"m in Northeast Brazil (Salvador, Bahia).

Too crazy or actually possible?

You tell me!

Ive been losing friends over the years from moving away, settling down with my partner, and just being terrible at staying in touch. And i've realized i haven't been making any new ones either. So my social circle is shrinking. I meet people, but the social connections haven't really lasted.

I wonder how other folks are finding new friends that have been meaningful and lasted in adulthood.

The other day at the bus stop I overheard a mom saying how amazing it was that her husband not only cooked dinner - pasta - but also then put the kids to bed. The woman she was talking to nodded sagely in agreement: clearly this was laudable.

Is the bar for being a good father and husband so low? What the hell?

This isn't really new to me, I suppose. I've worked mainly with women my whole life and too often I hear that the bare minimum seems to be "they provide money" and occasionally throw down a meal and play with the kids. Sometimes, even that is expecting too much.

Can I get some perspective on this?

Since buying my house nearly two years ago, I have been working on various home improvement tasks. One of the first things I did when I moved in was to re-paint the walls in certain rooms because of ugly paint jobs from the past or visible damage that required me to fix cracks or other imperfections. The problem is that I don't really have an eye for color matching or designs so every room that I have painted, is just white. I want to make my home feel more cozy during the Michigan winters so I am thinking of getting some high-quality wallpaper to put up as opposed to painting. Especially because I did a complete remodel of my attic living space, replacing wood paneling with drywall, and I am soon approaching the beautification of the space.

So I am conflicted because it seems like there is many prevailing thoughts in the American design psyche:

1. Fuck wallpaper - this seems to be due to the difficulty of removing wallpapers from 60s to 80s, where the designs were also not very good and quality bad. I removed wallpaper when I moved into my home, and it really wasn't that bad. I did it all in a day, but I can relate to hating the patterns that former owners put up.

2. Accent wall only - put wallpaper just on a single wall in a room. Would still need to color match this to paint and kind of seems like the worst of both worlds. However, wallpaper can be expensive if you go the premium route so this could save money.

My wife is European, and while the attitudes towards wallpaper in various parts of the continent can vary, she is also very pro-wallpaper. She is thinking of doing whole room wallpapering.

So what are your thoughts, experiences, and opinions? If you have experience in America doing it, what vendors and advice do you have?

TL;DR: I’m interested in your thoughts about this the current problems in UK higher education, and how they can be fixed.

I recently read an opinion piece in the Guardian about the problems currently faced by UK universities and their students. These problems aren’t new, but they’re getting worse year by year, and Simon articulates them particularly well.

It seems to me that there are three main criticisms of our current university system: that it is too costly for students while failing to fund the universities adequately; that degrees do not provide enough value to students; and that there are too many students attending university, especially (so-called) “low value” degrees, but increasingly also “high value” areas such as STEM.

The main solutions being presented are replacing students loans with a “graduate tax”, shuttering low-quality institutions and degrees, and sending more students to apprenticeships or trade schools rather than universities.

My view on this, as someone who has recently graduated university, and will be returning next year to begin studying for a PhD, is conflicted. I can definitely see that these problems are real, but I’m not convinced by the solutions being offered.

Firstly, I don’t think most people discussing these issues and offering their solutions are addressing the most fundamental problem, which is that universities have forgotten how to, or simply stopped, actually teaching. Many degrees only teach you what you need to know to pass the exams and produce acceptable coursework, which is not the point of a university degree.

This is a very challenging issue, because obviously universities must assess their students. But the purpose of a degree, its value, lies not in the assessment, nor even in the certificate awarded upon its completion (despite what many people believe), but in how you can learn and grow to have a deeper and more rounded understanding of your degree area, and the world at large. A university degree should make you a more curious person and build your critical thinking, enabling you to think through and approach many problems intelligently. But instead universities are continuously lowering the bar necessary to pass, because failing students is too costly for them, and thus also lowering their teaching standards.

The problem, it seems to me, is that the purpose of university is to educate, yet many who graduate university do not display the level of education, understanding and intelligence we would expect them to have achieved after investing at least three years of their life and tens of thousands of pounds in their education. This is not a crisis of too many students, but of a lack of quality in teaching. It seems to me that this has been driven by the funding model, which incentivises universities to grow their cohort size in order to receive more funding. Of course, this makes it harder to teach them all, and thus promotes the lowering of assessment standards so that students of sub-par quality - whether it be their work ethic, prior education, or simply learning at university that lacks - can graduate successfully.

If this is our problem, then I don’t think any of the proposed solutions serve to ameliorate it. This problem is equally common to humanities as it is STEM subjects, so the issue is not in students studying in “low value” degree areas. Whilst an apprenticeship might provide better value to a student in terms of the skills they would acquire, it is addressing a different goal and need to a university education. And while a graduate tax might be fairer than our current loan system (which favour high earners who can pay the loan off faster), it would not solve the currently perverse financial incentives universities are subject to.

The solution to this is obvious, but a hard sell. It is necessary to remove the financial incentive for universities to grow their cohort sizes. It seems to me that we must either fix, or at least cap, the funding universities receive, such that it does not grow with larger student bodies. Perhaps it should instead be linked to some performance metric, or maybe the faculty size - the more lecturers and other teaching staff the university employs, the better its funding. Of course, a complete solution to this will require a lot of thought and nuance, but I think it’s clear that the basic issue is the funding model.

The value to be gained (as a society) from a well educated population is massive, but we are currently selling hopeful high school students up the river with underwhelming university degrees that don’t educate them properly. I believe it’s the wrong answer to say that these students should give up on their dreams of a university education. We need to fix the funding model so that universities are incentivised to provide as high quality teaching as possible, not to provide the lowest level acceptable to as many students as possible.

So after moving, my new bathroom has some issues. Most pressing of all: my shower has ants. It started with a couple, but it feels like it's gotten progressively worse.

I researched this issue and have been spraying my shower with a vinegar/water mixture to kill and hopefully repel them, followed by my mom wiping them up to throw away because the scent of ant corpses will attract more ants. But so far, it hasn't really done anything but kept me from using that shower for a week because of the smell of vinegar.

I sprayed the shower today, when it had possibly the most ants to date, and mom wiped them all up... And then a few hours later I checked and more ants showed up. Actually I just checked again and there are now like, at LEAST fifteen ants in there. At LEAST. So, the vinegar solution obviously isn't repelling them.

We're at the end of our patience. Tomorrow we'll be sitting down to do some heavy-duty research together. The potential next step, based on the site where I got the vinegar solution, is to pour baking soda and vinegar into the drain to try to dislodge all the gunk, because I've washed ants down there and that can attract more ants. So, that might be why they won't freaking stay away.

Relevant vent: why does every single site about killing ants include tons of photos of ants!? I'd closed the site I used and I tried to find it again to link here, but had to stop because the first two sites I checked were full of ant pictures. And I freaking hate bugs and can't stand even looking at photos of them. Or at least, not in this context. I don't want to see MORE ants congregating in strangers' showers, knowing they're in mine already make my skin crawl without having an image of what they might look like at this very moment!!

So, yeah. Researching this has been very difficult for me, but I need those damn things out of my shower so we don't need to share my mom's. So, I'm open to any advice and solutions you all have!

Some other relevant information:

• Here's a photo of my bathroom and the shower. Warning: you might be able to see ants if you zoom in on the close-up of the shower, because they were mostly congregated in that area. Otherwise I would have gotten a better photo of the interior. I saw a lot of advice to touch up caulking, but with the type of shower this is, I'm not sure how relevant caulking really is? The shower is very smooth, almost like the rim of a bathtub.
• There's a skylight above the shower, which was replaced before we moved in. At the very least, it doesn't leak with water when it rains. So help me, if that's somehow the source of the ants........
• Related to above: there's no window I can open, and the room is quite small and narrow. So, humidity builds up FAST and I don't really have an effective way to vent it out or anything.
• I've seen a couple in my sink. Key word: a couple. I think the most I've seen there at one time is two, while the shower can have upwards of... I don't even want to try to guess, honestly.
• I've seen one or two ants crawling up the wall outside the shower, very low down around the moulding. So their nest may be outside the shower?
• At this point the number has me half-convinced there's a nest somewhere in the bathroom. Or maybe there's an entrance on the top of the white shower walls/rim where it meets the drywall?? Except I've only ever seen one ant relatively high up one of those walls, they seem to stick near the floor... Either way, the number feels extreme to me given there shouldn't be any real points of entrance besides the door and skylight.
• Given that articles love attaching revolting photos at multiple points, I'll just ask here if there's any chance they're climbing out of my shower head or the drain. One little fact that prematurely ended my first attempt to research solutions: apparently ants sometime come out of bath faucets. So, yeah.
• At this point, killing ants is secondary to getting them OUT. We've dealt with ant infestations before, we know how to kill them. But that doesn't help when more of them will show up!! I don't want to deal with this problem forever, or even just seasonally!!l

Please help, and thanks for taking time to read this!

I don't have many friends who have dogs, so I thought I'd post here.

I like dog walks. It's a great daily activity for me that helps me decompress after work. A bit of "me time", outside, fresh air, mild exercise.

When I walk my dogs, I often listen to music using earbuds. Lately, I've been feeling like this is too distracting and transports me too much to my own imagination. I would then take out the earbuds and listen to the world around me. This is nice in the park where I hear birds, the wind, etc. Sometimes I will call a family member as the dog walk is long and I might not have time after or before. This also distracts me from "the now" so I try not to do it too often.

When I don't distract myself with these things, I do feel more at ease, more present, more mindful, and - most importantly - more connected with my dogs. I watch them closer, I interact with them more. It becomes less of a daily task, and more of an intentional meaningful activity. I'm thinking of just ditching the music altogether. I already do leave my phone at home most of the time (unless I plan to call a relative, as stated above).

Curious what other people do or think on this topic. What's your inner monologue during dog walks? Are they a chore to you, or do you love them?

I think things are going to get a lot worse until they get better (if they do). I’m not talking about US politics (I dont live there), I’m thinking more about climate change: food and water might not be as readily available anymore, never mind other things we take for granted like medicine, transportation, communications, a retirement pension.

It’s hard to articulate but I feel like our future is bleaker than the previous generation’s for the first time in modern history because of factors beyond our control (i.e. neither geopolitical nor economic). Not sure how to prepare for it so I’m wondering how other Tilderinas and Tilderinos deal with it, especially if you have or are planning on having children?

A break up
A loss
A blindside
A disappointment
Or anything else that broke your heart

Tell us the story, and how you are doing with it.

Also, for anyone reading people’s comments, remember that these are difficult stories for people to share. Please be empathetic and kind in your responses. Treat these as opportunities to commiserate and support, rather than as problems to solve.

Most of my time in any given day is spent sleeping (eight hours), working (nine hours, plus another one or two for commuting), chores (maintaining the home, personal hygiene, etc.), and spending time with my wife (and occasionally with friends and family).

This means that I don’t have a lot of “spare time”. I maybe get one or two hours a day, and a few more on Saturdays and Sundays.

I often feel anxious and depressed about this inescapable reality. I have a lot of projects and hobbies that I would like to fill my spare time with, but not enough for all of them.

Years ago, I began to try to reframe the circumstances of my life in my mind in order to prevent a complete mental collapse. I tell myself that this life is finite, that I will never be able to have all the experiences that I would like to, and that’s OK. I can live with that reality. And I should instead, focus my energy on dedicating myself to the projects and hobbies that I absolutely do not want to miss out on.

I still struggle to stick to just a few of those, because there are so many (especially creative) activities that I enjoy. I regularly go through cycles of taking on too many of these, then becoming overwhelmed because I don’t have enough time for each, then cutting out most of them to focus on the ones that I want to prioritize, and repeating the cycle.

Today, I have reached the part of that cycle where I will cut some of them out.

Whenever I do that, it really helps me to take inventory of what those activities are, so that I can stay focused, and delay taking on more or new ones until I am satisfied with where I got with my current ones.

So, here are the projects and hobbies that I want to spend my spare time on, starting today:

• Reading one hour every morning (been diligently doing that since January 1). Two books I am reading through the year. A third book I read as much as I have time left (have read more than ten this year already). I also occasionally read some blogs on Bear Blog.
• Writing on two blogs (one daily, one occasionally), as well as writing my book.
• Occasionally chatting on a forum, Tildes, and four Discord guilds.
• Taking one daily walk while listening to a podcast.
• Occasionally watching YouTube videos (I am—coincidentally—subscribed to exactly 50 channels, almost all of which have an upload schedule of one video every other week or slower).

What are your activities?

Side notes: The list above is a summary. My list is a lot more precise, to help me focus. Also, I’m currently unemployed, but before I quit my last job, I had actually been working almost without interruption for several years. My day-to-day routine back then was exactly as I described it in the beginning of this post.

Just wanted to share an update on the stuff I overshared in this thread nearly a month ago.

It's been an incredibly long, frustrating, but successful month. Within a few days of writing that post, we took my son to the doctor and I just explained everything going on. The doctor seemed as unsure as we were whether my son was experiencing illness or anxiety, so she decided to tackle both. He got some medication for the stomach issues and we got the ball rolling on getting him into therapy.

The following few weeks were very hit-and-miss. I tried to get him to drive with me on little errands here and there throughout the week to get him out of the house, comfortable in the car, and to try to work through the fear he was experiencing. At first it would take quite a lot of convincing and sometimes I got frustrated and acted like an idiot. Eventually we got to a point where the convincing took less time and resulted in less tears (and frustration). But we are at a point where he's getting better at calming himself down and going in the car even if he's a little scared.

We still haven't made much progress with getting him in the car with his sister though. We've done a few trips to the nearby park all together, but my wife had to sit between them to calm him down. Likewise, he's still hesitant to sleep in the same room as her (they share a room for now). And again, it has nothing to do with her, aside from her overreacting to him being upset and him being upset by that. It's a vicious cycle. Honestly this is the most difficult part right now because it's making doing anything really complicated. We literally cannot do family trips anywhere without taking two vehicles. More on this later.

One of my biggest concerns in the other thread was that he was scheduled for eye surgery toward the end of the month and pre/post op appointments and the surgery itself would require a lot of driving. I'm happy to report that he handled every single car trip relating to it like a champ. And the surgery itself was a success, and recovery is going really well. Also apparently thanks to COVID, parents are no longer allowed to go back to the operating room until their child falls asleep, which we didn't realize until a few seconds before they took him back. Which was really difficult for us as parents and for him as well. He keep mentioning it and I try to talk him through and explain that we didn't know and that we're sorry, but wouldn't have let him go if we didn't know the doctor and nurses would be taking good care of him.

And he had his first therapy appointment this morning. It was just an intake appointment so the therapist could get a feel for what's going on and to get to know my son a little bit. But I feel a lot better about things than I did a month ago. I know we still have a lot of struggle and work ahead of us (he starts 1st grade next month...Getting him and his sister there is going to be interesting).

I think the next few weeks are going to be spent working on getting him and his sister together in the car more. We're already working on the bedtime issue. The last two nights we had them together in the same room to read a bedtime story together and then afterwards she slept elsewhere. Just trying to baby step our way toward solving that problem.

Lastly, I wanted to thank you all for your support and comments in the original thread. It was very helpful to be able to write everything out and get some validation, advice, etc.

I have no idea if anyone else is into this, casually or just past experiences, can remove if inappropriate.

Haven’t seen anyone else talk about it here in Tildes, so, anyone else have any experience with any sort of psychedelic adventures?

I try to trip once every couple years because I feel like its easy for me to forget about myself and what I want and how that fits into what the world wants from me. I use the ‘me’ time to just sort myself out, get my priorities straight, and keep going.

Anyone else?

How long after someone giving you their number is considered too long to contact them?

This person gave me their number weeks ago, and I was thinking of asking them out to coffee, but I’m not sure if that might be considered rude due to the time lapse. I don’t think it would be, but what do I know — I haven’t had anything to do with the dating scene in many, many years…

So, I’m not really looking for advice, but rather perspective. What do other people consider normal in these sorts of situations?

Heya! So I've got a new fridge, a GE GTS22KGNRWW 21.9ft³. Skipping over the fridge water line bursting and causing thousands of dollars of damage followed by the fridge crapping out, we're just trying to make sure the fridge is OK before the warranty expires and because we have a baby in the house.

The ambient air was still above 41°F a few hours after we got it, so I cranked it to full blast and put a glass of water in to have a better testing point. The ambient air has been fluctuating between like 39-44° F and the water glass measured between like 39.0°-41.0° F after about 24 hours with occasional use. I know I'm worrying because the last fridge just crapped out and spoiled a ton of food, and I know opening the door always causes it to drop (which I'm obviously doing to test it), but it seems kind of high to me for a brand new fridge if 41 is really the upper limit. Is this an acceptable range, or should we ask for someone to come out and look at it?

I have trouble setting a time to sleep and following through on it, and it's made my life needlessly worse. I find it especially difficult when I've had a really productive or busy day. I've tried setting a schedule on my phone that turns off certain apps past a certain time, but I keep manually turning it off. Any tips?

Inspired by a conversation with my mom about how our poor dog didn't get fed until 5:08 instead of 5:00, poor thing seemed convinced we forgot she needed food. Mom joked that Zoey would call the ASPCA to report animal abuse for starving her. And I realized it's really good animals can't call because the lines would be flooded with reports of their humans closing bedroom doors or daring to stop playing after 45 minutes outside on a snowy day.

So, what silly complaints would your pets make?

Sorry if this isn't the best place to ask. IT and cybersecurity-focused communities over on Reddit aren't exactly the most welcoming places for such questions, and reading the r/ITCareerQuestions wiki has made me seriously question if I'm being sold false promises of working in a sector that actually has a low demand for workers. Then again, that wiki page seems more geared towards the US job market.

Two weeks ago, I responded to an Instagram ad advertising cybersecurity courses, because the job market is horrible here in the UK right now, and after some setbacks with my ACCA studies, I am seriously considering just giving up on trying to get into chartered accountancy because that path is closing many more doors for me. A course advisor rang me asking about the reasons I showed interest in the ad, then we had a long discussion about any questions I had, what the sector is apparently like, etc.

Some of the claims seem too good to be true, i.e. that it's an industry where you can afford to be picky, jobs outnumber people by almost 3 to 1, most jobs are remote, the provider boasts a 90%+ employment rate, I don't need programming experience, the most complex thing I'd be doing is running command prompt/powershell commands and scripts.

The firm itself seems legitimate. They offer CompTIA, Microsoft, Cisco, AWS and EC-Council certifications, have good review scores on Trustpilot, are a registered training provider and limited company in the UK, and are supposedly an assured service provider with the National Cyber Security Centre (NCSC.) The courses they mentioned to me in their syllabus supposedly come to £4k and would take about six months.

1. Am I right to be wary about what this training provider are offering?
2. Do you require extensive programming knowledge or a computer science background to work in cybersecurity in any capacity? A friend with an IT background has told me that Python is useful in his field.
3. Is the reality of IT and cybersecurity jobs in the UK (or in the West) far different from what has been painted to me?