I’m a software engineer. I graduated in 2021 so I’ve only been one for around 4.5 years and definitely still feel fairly entry-level (at least, any time I look at jobs, the number of years of experience required for “senior” positions seems to have increased by one) and it feels like companies don’t particularly want anyone without a lot of experience anymore (and every time I do look at new jobs, the number of years required for “senior” positions seems to have increased by one). Meanwhile, I think it has its uses but I don’t actually enjoy using it. I want to solve problems and think and write code, not talk to an AI and become a full-time code-reviewer. My company is rebranding to have AI in the name shortly and, since early December, have been forcing us into 2+ hour long AI trainings once or twice a week. A lot of my coworkers seem like they’ve drank the Kool-Aid and are talking about new models and shit all the time and I just don’t get it.

I guess I’m kind of rambling but I just feel weird about all of it. I want to program but I don’t just want to use (or be forced to use) LLMs for everything, yet it seems like companies are just trying to get rid of actually human software engineers as fast as they can. I’ll even admit, Claude is way better than I expected, but I don’t actually enjoy sitting there typing “do this for me” and then having to just spend time reviewing code. I don’t know. I don’t think this is really even me asking for advice, just a rant, but yeah, just felt like I had to get something out there, I guess.

NOTE: I do not want comments bemoaning the current state of US politics on this post. Rest assured that I am well aware of all that. Focusing on that will not help me in my current situation and will only serve to depress me. Please respect my wishes on this.

So others here might remember that about a year ago I posted about how I was getting divorced. While nothing's happened on paper yet, my ex and I have lived separately since then. Between taking in-person German language classes and making new online friends, I've been doing a lot of work on myself in the interim, and my mental health has been mostly doing a lot better than it was while I was married, barring a few short-term dips.

Unfortunately, my unemployment ran out, and I'm no closer to getting a job in my field, and not for lack of trying. The German job market sucks absolute ass right now, and while my German language skills have improved a huge amount over the past year, they're not good enough to overcome the average German's preference for a native speaker, which in this job market is enough. Anyway, the long and short of it is that I'm broke and there's no clear solution here in Germany for that for me.

Luckily for me, I'm still quite young in the grand scheme of things, and I have parents who love me and are willing to support me in getting back home to the US, alongside letting me live with them in my childhood home until I get a job and can save up enough to get back on my feet and get my own place. The job market in the US is better for me than in Germany (especially given the lack of a language barrier) and I have opportunities for further education and career pivots that wouldn't be possible for me in Germany right now. This, plus the fact that I really want to be there while my sister's young kids grow up, means moving back to the States is probably my best next step, moving forward.

I'm excited to be near my family again and to reconnect with friends in the area, but obviously I'm also pretty anxious about the whole experience. I'd love advice from others who have moved internationally about little things that are easily forgotten or are left out of the usual lists of things to consider during the planning stages. When I first moved to Germany, I was a poor student who just had a few suitcases with me, but now I'm an adult with more stuff I own that I value to some extent. I've already begun the process of slimming down what I plan to bring with me to the essentials and checking which electronics can be safely operated in the US with/without a transformer. But I'm sure there's something I've missed that other people have experience with and I'd love any advice from people who have made similar moves themselves.

Also, any little positives about adult life in the US or bits of advice for once I move back are appreciated. I moved to Germany right after I finished my bachelor's, so I don't have much experience as a "real adult" in the US. So any tips to help smooth along the adjustment process or little bits of advice for someone learning to live as an adult in suburban Ohio would be welcome. And any positivity is extremely appreciated -- it might be a tough ask here on Tildes and I know it can be hard in the current times, but that's exactly why I need what I can get.

Preface: Sorry if this isn't the place, and if I'm cagey on some specifics. Also sorry for the length, this turned out a lot longer than I anticipated.

My partner and I have been together for nearly 8 years at this point. This was my first serious, long-term committed relationship; every other one I'd had was short-lived (<3 months) and I hadn't exactly had a lot of them. Maybe this is why I was blind to the cracks until things got unavoidable.

It started off strong and passionate of course, and things moved rather quickly. We (they, I'm not on the title) bought a house and we were expecting a child within a year. I should have kept things slower, thought with my head instead of blindly following my heart. I'd been very lonely for a very long time. I was happy those first few years, even if in hindsight the cracks were beginning to show. Even before baby came along, intimacy fell off a cliff. I had many talks about this with them, which led nowhere much really. The rest of the relationship still felt solid to me though. I pressed on.

In the beginning, they had a better job than I did. I earned far less. Luckily an opportunity came up for me to finish my schooling and further my career, and I put a lot of work into achieving just that. Now things have changed with that, and I feel like we could be doing well together... If it weren't for the financial instability I feel they bring. I'd never been great with money, but my partner's father took me under his wing and taught me a lot of financial literacy. I became adept at putting together spreadsheets and managing our finances. Our first major crisis we overcame together through being very fiscally conservative and digging our way out. We also had several windfalls that helped us out. Then... another crisis, again because of overspending on their end. We pulled from our IRAs in order to stay afloat, with promises to do better. Then... another crisis. Again. Same reasons. We put together a loan against the home's equity. More promises.

We are again heading to a crisis. We are out of windfalls and options and frankly I'm exhausted.

Finally, parenting and housekeeping. I've always loved how my partner cares so much for their children (from a prior relationship) as well as ours. They have a way of making magical moments which I envy. This is contrasted by their complete inability to parent effectively. There's no consequences, no expectations, no boundaries, and it's infuriating. Initially it wasn't quite that bad, and I felt I had equal say in parenting. Over the years, that's eroded to my partner viewing me as authoritarian and domineering. The kids know they'll get their way with them so why would they ever come to me first?

Maybe it was the extra time during COVID but they also put more effort into housekeeping early on as well. Now I feel it mostly falls on my shoulders, and my will to clean and keep up is murdered by the fact that within hours it's a mess again. It isn't helped by the fact that my partner is a hoarder. I have to gut things from the house in secret. I haven't seen the corners of my walls in ages. I spent a week while they were away cleaning the home top to bottom last year. Within a day it looked like a bomb went off.

These are all things I've tried discussing with them, multiple times, over the years. I mostly get brushed off, or (what I feel now are) empty promises. Most infuriating to me is "I don't know what you want me to say." I want you to say what's in your heart, what you feel! Don't tell me something you think I want to hear, be honest.

I feel I know where this is going, I don't want to fall in the same trap I see many couples are in where it's clearly over and yet they keep moving along. We're not married, a clean break is reasonable, I know my partner can be mature about things because their relationship with their ex is amazingly calm and chill.

I'm terrified in a way of being alone again.

I don't really know where to turn for more perspective. I've already talked with my sister, and a close co-worker who is going through some of the same feelings I am. Those conversations have been very helpful. Recently, what really put things in stark contrast was the other day when my partner's father asked "So is everything ok between you two?" If he went out and asked, it means it's really obvious things are not ok.

I've been fantasizing a lot lately about what a split would be like. Making plans for where to go, and figuring out how to reconcile things like accounts, items, and debts. Worst of all I've been fantasizing about being with other people; the intimacy and passions has been gone between us for a long time. The last time my partner initiated anything between us was a year ago, and I don't even remember the time before that. Everything feels so wrong and unsatisfactory.

I told them yesterday we need a frank talk, and not through text this time - their preferred method of communication with me for a while now... But I have no idea when we even have time for that away from the kids.

Closing thought: I don't want to feel like I've pre-determined my outcome here. I feel I've done what I can though, to make my own feelings clear. Thank you for any thoughts.

Imgur album of what I'm thinking, apartment-provided floor plans that aren't 100% accurate. Kitchen and bathroom dimensions are not accurate, I just put them there as a reference for walkways and such. The patio is on the north side of the living room and opens from the right side.

Okay! So since the last time I posted asking for advice about housing options (thank you all who read or contributed to it), a few factors have come up with the housemate option that made it a bit less appealing. Is it so unappealing that 1k extra in savings isn't worth it? Probably not... but I actually really liked this apartment unit even if it still lacks things like the in-unit laundry and have been approved for it.

I have to hire movers. There are two items that I physically cannot move on my own once they are plopped down by the movers: the Ikea Hemnes daybed (twin size bed that can expand to full size) and the larger standing desk with my gaming PC setup. I can probably shimmy the desk around if nothing is on it, but that daybed is... not moving. Because of this I'd really like to work on laying out my potential future apartment with those two items in mind.

Some personal preference notes:

• I would like the living room to feel at least a bit cozy even if I don't expect guests regularly at all. I will not be obtaining a couch/sofa because I'd need one that I can actually sit on, but that is pretty far out of my preferred budget at this time - like I'd rather get two Ikea Poangs instead of one cheap sofa that will hurt my back to sit on.
• Avoiding certain things within reason - no backs to windows while seated at a computer desk, prefer no back towards entryway. I realize my tentative layout plan absolutely has my back towards entryways but I'm struggling to find a layout that really ticks all boxes
• I can buy new furniture! Not immediately because I mentioned money being an anxiety-inducer of mine even if I'm doing comparatively well. But I'm not really sold on needing a big TV. If I want to watch a show while working on some arts and crafts, I do it on the iPad or 16in portable monitor.

I've considered:

• Two desks in living room, bedroom only for sleeping. I'm not against it, but with just a twin bed and maybe a bookshelf or two, I don't know what I'd even put in here... I've never had an entire bedroom dedicated to just sleeping, minus the several months prior to the breakup :')

• One desk in living room, another in bedroom. Probably gaming desk in the living room. I don't like my options for the bedroom because of the bathroom placement and closet doors along the west wall that make it difficult to place anything on that side. I don't enjoy the work desk having my back to the entrance, but those closet doors don't really allow me to put the desk anywhere that doesn't have my back to it in some way.

Any and all thoughts appreciated, whether it's on the two desks in living room vs. 1/1 split setup, or a layout of a specific room!

The recruitment agency I temp with are a major multinational player in the market, have a bit of a reputation for being sharks (based on feedback I've seen about them on Reddit and Trustpilot.) They're a publicly listed company who absolutely 100% should know better.

I caught a really nasty virus two weekends ago and had been practically bedridden for nearly a week. For the first two days of calling in sick, I logged into my work laptop and messaged my line manager via Teams. On Wednesday morning, I was advised that I should also keep my agency in the loop, so I instead sent her an email, ensuring to copy in the recruitment consultant who is my point-of-contact (I'll just call him Ben.)

At roughly 3:40 PM, Ben sends me a snarky WhatsApp message out of the blue. "you know we can see your details on job boards lol." I left him on read because 1. I'm in bed and 2. My job search is frankly none of his business.

He then called me and proceeded to all-but-accuse me of pulling sickies to attend interviews, going behind his back to apply for jobs. He asked me if I even considered how bad I was going to make him and the agency look if I quit my job, then proceeded to interrogate me about my contact I had with other recruiters and warned me to delist myself any job boards moving forwards. I complied, purely because I wanted to shut him up and didn't want to start a further argument, when in my head I just wanted to verbally chew him out.

I don't appreciate being intimidated and guilt-tripped about my job search, especially when I am genuinely unwell, and I am seriously thinking about lodging a formal complaint with the agency, but I'm also worried about facing retaliation for this.

AFAIK, I have not signed into a contract preventing me from applying for roles with other employers or agencies. I'm also on a temp zero-hours contract that is due to finish in less than three weeks where either party can terminate it without notice or liability. There is the possibility of the work assignment being extended, or me being offered a permanent role but I don't intend to stay beyond this. This was a decision I made to myself weeks before Ben's recent asshole behaviour. Other than that, I literally have nothing lined up.

Has anybody had experiences raising formal complaints with recruitment agencies? The agency does have a complaints procedure and a dedicated quality care team that investigates formal complaints.

I didn't see a thread about this at the start of the year and I was wondering about how you guys see your past year and this one coming.

I guess I'll start. This year, a lot has changed for me, I am so much different than how I was last year, and so is my life.

• I started ADHD meds in january of last year. Completely changed my life, I am now able to tackle the challenges of daily life as a grown adult.

• I started cooking A LOT more. I went from eating out almost every day, to cooking almost every day (or at least eat my planned meals).

• I went on the dating apps this summer and found a girlfriend :) after a 5 months relationship, it feels like I found the love of my life

• I started weight training this fall. Have been going at it 3-4 times a week for 4 months now, it's going great!

• I finally rekindled with my family (my brother and my sister), I now see them at least once every 2 weeks!

For 2026, I want to reduce my restaurants spending to only once a week, twice a month, or when necessary. I want to meal plan/cook many meals for the week, once a week.

I want to start some kind of cardio training (when my knees will be better...).

I also want to better plan my classes (I'm a teacher). I feel like I improvise too much and want to have a better plan moving forward.

How do you feel about your past year and this one?

Hello Tildes,

My partner and I are at the point where we need to get more care for my dad and I could use some advice from people who have been down this road. He's in his early nineties and still living in his home, and the family has been lucky in many respects. Dad still has good cognitive function, he has excellent health care through his military retirement (USA: Tricare for Life). My brother is living in the family home, so there's someone in the house overnight in case there's a fall or other serious issue.

Last year we got Dad set up with a medical alert service, so he's only one button press away from talking to a helper if he's in crisis. My partner and I are down visiting him about once a week to help with chores and hang out. Same with my other brother. We've been holding things together.

But Dad's having difficulty with normal life stuff (walking, bathing, eating) and he's transitioning into a bedbound state, losing weight and eating very little. He seems fairly comfortable, just extremely tired and increasingly frail.

To be clear, I'm not asking for medical advice. Where I'm stuck is: How do we initiate and navigate the process of getting him a home health aide? His medical team was entirely unhelpful when we asked about case management. They say "if he's struggling, bring him to the ER" but he absolutely does not want to go to the ER, and we're loathe to force him at his age unless he's in crisis. Also, the ER is full of people with the flu right now.

We've reached the "we can't put this off any longer" moment, I think. Any advice on getting the ball rolling would be appreciated. Do we just randomly call up home health agencies? How do we figure out what his insurance will and won't cover?

Thanks so much.

GP

I have a specific ask at the end, but any and all musings on this topic are invited.

Lately it's become apparent that the endless fire hose of content and subsequent extinction of boredom is one of the most insidious shifts of modern life. While social media and the internet have accelerated this, upon further reflection I realize this battle to hijack our time and attention is something basically all of us were born into (and an even steeper climb for those of us blessed with ADHD).

These reflections have been borne out of a desire to protect my toddler's curiosity and passion for life outside a black mirror for as long as I can reasonably manage.

The issue as I see it is not the existence of content beyond what one could ever consume (books have been that way for centuries). It's the evaporation of friction. One click and you're on an infinite loop, optimized and engineered to keep you there.

I used to think this was a symptom of the smartphone & tik-tok era. However, looking back at my own childhood TV habits, cable TV was the precursor: dozens of channels that never went dark and 24/7 news cycles that bred fear and never stopped churning.

The ask: How have you set up an environment for your kids (or yourself!) to delay the hedonic content treadmill as long as is reasonably possible?

The goal is to avoid a smartphone until we can't. I'm not anti-screen. There are loads of great educational TV and movies, I just want to introduce them slowly and with intention. But unfortunately now every TV front-end is ad-stuffed and every streaming app is basically a recommendation engine in disguise.

How do you share content with your kids without letting the algorithm worm its way inside their brain? How do you give them access to the collective wisdom of mankind in the internet without turning it into a slot machine?

Without going into details, my partner's parent is sick with an unknown prognosis (1-5 years; 1 year has passed). I admire how they've come to support their parent and have tried to both be supportive and keep myself busy so my partner could focus. Still, it's created a lot of distance for me. Where I see the future as exciting and exploratory for us, for my partner, they imagine their family in shambles and their favorite person gone. With the uncertain prognosis and the aftermath, it's hard to imagine that really changing for the foreseeable future.

I am looking for insight from people who have been in similar situations. Perhaps it's the sort of ridiculousness of how selfish this is or sounds, but I don't know if I've ever heard much about how this affects romantic relationships.

Hello all! My lease is up mid-March of this year. For personal mental health reasons I would like to secure a move-in date of around mid-February and perhaps even earlier than that, because I'd like to have things finalized before my ex starts her own moving out process. This is the first time I'll be apartment hunting on my own, and while I have definitely talked to many friends and mentors regarding my options, I figured I wouldn't mind getting thoughts from folks here.

I have a few hard requirements for personal reasons: I would ideally not be too far from groceries (I have a car), be able to go for walks/runs without having to drive to a specific place, not too far away from the main airport here as I have to fly for work very very occasionally or when visiting family, and central HVAC. I have, generally, two options to choose from:

1. The expensive option, 1500 base rent and estimated 300-400 for utilities/parking/etc. At this time I do not believe it possible or even worth looking for anything slightly cheaper than this - whether it's a studio or a 1bed, the cost is more or less the same in this area. And even if the location were less of a factor and I looked farther away from the main city / big hubs, at best we're looking at $100 cheaper and I don't think that is big enough savings given how inconvenient location is.

2. The budget option, estimated 700-800 with utilities included, 3 housemates. A friend is currently sharing a house that his family owns with two other housemates. I've never met said housemates but they are personal friends of his. All housemates are male, I am female. I would be getting a single master bedroom, attached bathroom. At this time I do not consider the... eyebrow-raising-ness? of being the sole woman to be a problematic factor.

Some of the factors I'm considering, that probably isn't comprehensive because I'm new to all this:

• Living with housemates. I haven't had to share a house with so many people since my first year of college, which was 14 years ago. My ex did keep me honest over the last year of living together, and from a brief call with the friend who would be renting out the room, his housemates do keep to themselves, don't really use the kitchen, plenty of fridge space, etc.

• Living alone. I actually haven't "lived alone" since the last semester before I dropped out of college. My roommate at the time was taking a leave of absence and I had the studio to myself for three months. I feel neutral about this.

• Laundry? House has in unit laundry. No apartment I've looked at has in-unit laundry unless I add at least $200 on top of the base price.

• WFH and personal space. I do work remotely and for my entire WFH life, I have always had my personal PC setup, bed, and work setup in the same room. This has been difficult for me in the last two months while recovering from the breakup, and moving into a 1bed apartment would allow me to have a dedicated work setup away from bed since I personally value that higher than a nice living room space (no television, no problem). Or I could even fit that work setup into a small but still cozy living room space, who knows. However...

• MONEY. I've broken down all my fixed monthly costs, including any recurring annual subscriptions. I am estimating very, very high for absolutely everything, such as monthly grocery costs (400/mo, which is the highest that my ex and I split over the last 10 months. We're both very light eaters and "groceries" would include the occasional toiletries restock and such). Right now I am looking at taking home around $1300/mo living in my own apartment, vs. $2300/mo sharing the house.

  • Furnishing a new apartment, vs... not. Ex and I split all costs 50/50 for everything BUT furniture, and she paid for most items such as the sofa, coffee table, TV console, dining room table, ie. she will be taking those items with her. I do not want a large sofa but cozy seating in a living room space is, well, not cheap. The only furniture I'd bring with me is a decent Ikea shelf cabinet thing, my two standing desks, a single bookshelf, a twin bed. I would not be acquiring additional furniture if I move into the single bedroom.
  • Schooling costs. I don't know if I've gotten into this online degree program yet, won't know until probably April, and even if I do get in I am not sure if I will jump into it (though at this time I am leaning towards it just to have a guided path which I'm lacking right now with my career). This is an estimated 30k over the course of 2 years, or $625/mo. Not counting any potential textbooks.
  • Lasik/PRK? I have pretty poor eyesight. I have always been afraid of pulling the trigger on this, but I would like to in the next few years.
  • Current savings. I have a little over $20k in savings. I don't know anything about stocks, I have a 401k I never look at. My financial literacy boils down to "I use my credit card like a debit card" and my only current debt is a financed car, costs are factored into the numbers posted above.

• Mental health? Monthly therapy costs are factored into my numbers. So is a $150/mo cost of classes at a local muay thai gym (picked up recently for sake of both physical and mental health, joining a community, a regular activity to take me out of the apartment).

What considerations am I missing from the above? What would you go for? I mentioned I have not lived on my own for a very long time, and to be honest I don't have concrete long-term financial goals. Obviously property ownership is like... the American Dream and whatever... but frankly I am so very far from being able to realize such a goal that it just is not a factor when it comes to me saving money. I just don't want to look back at myself in 2027 and regret my finances. My family is in another part of the state and I can't rely on them for money or housing... well, I actually can, for housing, and save even more money, but I vastly prefer the climate where I am at now and my mental health will suffer far more living with family than with 3 housemates.

I really appreciate any thoughts! I know I have time, there is no rush, but I am also aware that distracting myself with this has been pretty helpful with, you know, not being too depressed about circumstances.

What are some things that you enjoy, are useful, or recommend. I'd ask that you include the price in your native currency to give a ballpark and save folks the trouble of following links that are out of their budget.

Hi Tilderinos!

First, apologies for the ramble. I'm based in the US. I got a letter from our state's child services department telling me that one of my relatives who is a minor has been removed from the custody of their parents. The letter asked me to complete a form to indicate the level of involvement I'm interested in having with said child's placement and/or support.

We don't know what the child's situation is. I'm the furthest-degree relative they search for - hopefully someone closer will step forward, but unfortunately, based on what I know of our part of the family, other relatives may not be in the best situation to take on a child. I'm hoping that this would be a temporary situation and that the ultimate goal is for the child to be reunited with their parent(s), but we have no information at all right now other than "child was removed and we're looking for support from relatives."

I'm going to call the contact info on the letter tomorrow, as we received it after business hours today. We've discussed our comfort levels with caring for a child and what type of situation we could say yes to and what we would have to say no to. We are very fortunate to be in a stable situation (in control of our own housing, dual incomes, qualified for leave programs, etc.). Our point of view currently is that this child is a child in need of support, and we are willing to provide what we can as long as it's not overtly detrimental to us or to them. I already filled out the form the best I could in a manner that corresponds with our comfort level, which is approximately that placement with us would be a possibility but not right this instant, and otherwise we're happy to correspond or communicate in whatever way benefits the child. (We suspect that the child is currently 1-3 hours from us, so frequent physical assistance on our part would be less doable unless the child were placed with us.)

Is this something you've been through before? What experiences have you had with child placement? (I'm actually not even really sure what questions to ask beyond this, but if you have been down this road and are comfortable sharing, please do!) We've discussed adopting or fostering before, but only in hypotheticals, as it's something we weren't planning to look into for 5-10 years (we're in our early 30's and are not having bio kids). Something externally-initiated like this was never on our radar. Any guidance, tips for questions to ask, or experiences you would like to share would be welcome!

My wife and I are potentially adopting a cat.

The cat is an adult, not sure the exact age (but will see if that’s known when we get it).

The long story short is, a close friend had 3 cats (I think strays as kittens but not 100% sure, I think they were acquired at different times - they do not appear to be related to each other), but due to the current political state of the US ended up moving abroad on a visa for this past year, and is planning on staying away for longer. Initially, the cats were staying with another friend but that has recently fallen through (I think they did not expect the 3 cats to be as much to handle as they are, they keep getting onto counters, eating food that is left out/left unattended, and scratching furniture, and at this point they’re getting fed up with them), and we were asked if we could take any of them

We have met the cats quite a few times, and they do seem friendly towards us.

My wife seems very allergic to one of them, but only mildly allergic or significantly less allergic to the other two.

We currently live in an apartment that does allow pets, but this would be the first time either of us have owned a cat, so unfortunately I think we could only take one of them.

I’m thinking we could probably use some advice on things to consider and best practices.

Preliminary research has said to get 1 or 2 litter boxes, feed at regular times, running water bowls are preferred, and get lidded trash cans. We plan on keeping the cat on the same food and litter type, at least initially. I know there are other things, and we will take the cat for a check-up and establish a vet. Due to my wife’s allergies, we are planning on keeping the cat out of the bedroom and running an air purifier there, and hopefully visiting an allergist before we adopt the cat if time permits.

But I’m wondering what others’ experiences have been with a cat in an apartment and what advice you may have? (How to keep them off of counters? Keep them from getting bored while at work or while working from home?)

My oldest zygote is 5 years old. Up until now, I've been able to keep a good lid on what he's allowed to watch. We have Roku with a handful of streaming services, and he's comfortable navigating it himself to watch shows. I'm big on teaching agency and responsibility, and he's responded well to that: he watches shows we've okayed, asks about other shows he's interested in, and respects us if we tell him no. He's a smart kid and I'd like to keep him that way.

It's starting to get harder. Originally I could say on on grounds of age appropriateness, or I could point to things about a show that I outright didn't approve of for him. This is important to me because I want to teach him to think about these things and make good choices for himself in the future. So instead of telling him "No, you can't watch that", I want to tell him "No, you can't watch this because _________."

Now that he's getting older, he's asking more and more to watch things. And in some cases, I find myself saying "No. It's hard to explain why, but this isn't good." I hate saying that because I know that's not satisfying at his age, and it doesn't teach him anything about how to make good choices about what to watch.

YouTube is rife with examples. If my son is watching a branded show about Spiderman, I know what to expect. There are brand standards that I don't always agree with, but I know what the damage is, and the problems I have with those shows are problems I can talk through with him.

But when YouTube recommends videos that are low production quality videos of people in their living rooms playing with Spiderman figures, I don't want him watching it. Some of it feels Elsagate-adjacent (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elsagate) in that it seems harmless but you are just waiting for it to veer into weird or inappropriate territory. There's no trust between me and the content creator. Sometimes they're just harmlessly dumb. But in any case it's hard to explain why I don't want him to watch something that appears harmless to him.

Does anyone have similar experiences? Advice? Commiseration? Perspectives?

Not really sure where this fits in terms of topic.

My wife and I live in Minnesota, and we can get some gnarly snow and cold weather. This year she had repeatedly expressed desire for a high quality, durable boot for the winter.

I've seen various recommendations but honestly most of them feel astroturfed.

Does anyone here have a good suggestion on a boot that will last, be high quality, and keep her warm in the winters in deep snow?

I’ve been mulling over this for the past few weeks.

Even though I haven’t drastically changed lives over the course of my lifetime, I still feel like I’ve had eras:

• As a young adult in the UK and around the world, figuring things out
• As a student in Canada
• As an employee in another province
• And now as an independent consultant in Switzerland and France

Although I still live a comfortable western lifestyle, I do feel these different eras are akin to different lives. 18 year old me wouldn’t guess what 30 or 40 year old me became. Not only professionally but also emotionally and day to day.

To delineate my eras, I consider career/professional matters but also outlook on life, lessons learnt, relationships, country/city of résidence (or lack thereof).

Do you have a similar feeling? Why or why not? And what do you consider you life or lives to have been so far?

The other day at the bus stop I overheard a mom saying how amazing it was that her husband not only cooked dinner - pasta - but also then put the kids to bed. The woman she was talking to nodded sagely in agreement: clearly this was laudable.

Is the bar for being a good father and husband so low? What the hell?

This isn't really new to me, I suppose. I've worked mainly with women my whole life and too often I hear that the bare minimum seems to be "they provide money" and occasionally throw down a meal and play with the kids. Sometimes, even that is expecting too much.

Can I get some perspective on this?

Have you had a fulfilling mentorship, whether as mentor or mentee? How does one gain a mentor? Are there professional associations that one pays a fee to join?

Advice on career development wanted. Especially advice for introverted, neurodivergent women in business.

I want to hear a variety of stories, of how you became good at "career", beyond becoming competent at "work", and how you learned to be good not only at what you do but how you go about doing what you do.

Thank you for your time.

It's that time of year again. The time where we randomly decide to delay our pets' dinner by an hour for no explicable reason.

My dog has been getting antsy and frantic for her 5 pm dinner starting at 4 pre-time change, so time change is going to be rough. Today I fed her at 4:30 EST/5:30 DT (Dog Time), but holding on that long was a challenge with how frantic she gets. We've joked about just leaving the house for an hour or so every day just to evade her. As the week goes on, I fear it may become less of a joke. (No advice needed for the record. We go through this every year, she'll adapt... Eventually.)

So how about the rest of you dealing with time change? How gracefully do your pets accept the sudden schedule change? Anyone else considering just becoming daily regulars at your nearest store?

I'm currently working on decluttering, and coming up with processes to stop clutter from building up in the future.

Even after getting rid of a bunch of junk, I'll be left with a ton of stuff that historically has just "floated around" my living space (cables, adapters, small tools, stationary, batteries, etc...).

I'd ideally want a bunch of appropriately sized containers that I can organize stuff into. I'd love for each box to be some tesselation of a standard volume, so that I can arrange and stack those containers neatly in a drawer or on a desk.

If you happen to work with 3D printing, this may sound a lot like Gridfinity, a modular open-source grid storage system. And I agree! Gridfinity's goals completely meet and shoot past what I'm looking for. But I currently have no interest in investing the money or time into buying a 3D printer and making prints. And there doesn't appear to be an obvious commercial version outside of "random" folks on Etsy.

I also considered getting a Drawer Grid like you'd see in a Maker Space. I might end up getting this if I can't find a better option, though I'd prefer a storage solution I can stuff in a drawer.

I was curious if:

• Anyone had any product recommendations that might fit the bill
• Anyone had any thoughts on the organizational endeavor itself, and if there are any ways I could be going about this better.

I started this in ~life even though my own response is a tech service, to enable more diverse conversation.

For example, this could be something people normally pay for but you'd rather DIY, or a subscription service you use but don't see the point in paying for.

I don't have kids, but I'm wondering about success stories parents have had with raising theirs in this sometimes scary world. Online, we hear about brainrot and inappropriate Youtube videos, and social media horror stories, and some of that could be massively overblown, I have no idea

So to flip that around, what are some good ways people have found comfortable having their kids spend their time?

Im trying to get into the habit of setting a daily/weekly routine of hobbies, chores, meal planning etc.

Right now, they happen when they need to happen but its not the most efficient or well coordinated. And i'd like to spend less time thinking about when to do things or what to do for routine activities.

What are some routines that work for you well?

I don't know why but I feel like I always want validation from others for anything I do, either online or IRL. especially if I'm trying to do something new or a little different. I have no idea how to stop doing that... I'd appreciate any advice

Caveat: I'm following up with my vet for most of this, but she's newer and is having to do a lot of consulting with other vets in the practice.

Info: I have three cats,

• adult female - Nova, 13ish?
• adult male, Pippin 3ish
• male kitten - Fig 5 months (he's very sneaky)

Ok so, my girl Nova has been diagnosed with diabetes. This has entirely upended our feeding schedule and she's not coping well with it. We'd previously used some automatic feeders that dropped food 6 times a day, because she would stress out about not having food and then overeat and would throw up in both scenarios. But now all three cats are on different food (all kibble), and at least Nova would prefer to eat any food but her own, or have seconds, but the others would too if left to it. So they're being fed in different rooms at the same time.

Nova is ravenous, aggressively trying to drag her bowl out of my hands, headbutting the tub of her food (she caught it loose once) across the floor, running to the other bowls in case there's CC. food left once they're separated. She just dove for one as I was trying to just let a cat out of the room instead of pick the bowl up. She's always under my feet in a way that she used to be good about avoiding. I've stepped on her several times, and hurt my ankle and wrist last night catching myself.

Any suggestions for the perpetually (thinks she's) starving cat? I just got her a glucometer and am figuring it out but haven't been taught how to adjust her insulin as of yet.

Part of the difficulty here, and another area I need solutions in, is that she'll (mostly) inadvertently scratch my partner's leg when she wants his attention usually to be fed. I think occasionally it's intentional but he uses a wheelchair and mostly can't feel the leg - a cut can be dangerous for him, but also sometimes the touch/pain sets his leg off in a spasm cycle that is incredibly painful. On a bad day he's feeling guilty for how angry he is at her and is afraid he'll hit her (he probably wouldn't, but he doesn't have the control to say intentionally tumble her like a mama cat to a kitten, and she would probably claw or bite if he tried plus she's been sick and he's already afraid of hurting all the cats with the chair.) he's done the spray bottle thing in the past, she likes water and we know it's not ideal, but it's usually something that happens when he's not looking or can't see or hear her til she gets him.

Finally I need a better storage method for the food. Something she can't headbutt open or into dropping food, but that I can leave out in an open space. Currently I have a bag in a bathroom vanity, a tub of the Rx food in a spare room, and a bag in a closet. They have torn the bags open in the past (working together as a team, I suspect) when they're not secured.
I've thought about the microchip feeders but the youngest isn't chipped yet and frankly they're really expensive.

Summary of Asks:

• Help with a diabetic cat who's perpetually starving
• Help with getting a cat to stop scratching a human's leg who can't see it coming (addressing the first might help)
• Help with ideas for cat food storage/dispensing that would be more accessible than 3 bags in 3 closets in 3 rooms, two of which my partner can't access.

Bit of a vent here too, just everything is expensive right now too so I'm trying the best I can. Pics added.

I recently joined a tech company purportedly with a mission I believed in. Before joining I had some hesitance about how their product achieved that mission, but I liked most the people I interviewed with and the offer was good. Turns out despite being profitable it’s a dumpster fire of a company led by a terrible person who is actively hostile towards my coworkers and our customers. So, I’ve been looking for a new role to get out ASAP.

Some challenging factors: the market is tough right now and I don’t get as many interviews as I feel I should, SWE interviews remain extremely stupid, and occasionally my brain just shuts off during interviews despite practicing it a million times. So getting an offer isn’t a breeze.

The question I’m wrestling with is should I join another company whose product I’m very skeptical of? It has market traction and many of you may have heard of it, but it’s not very compelling and it’s in the blighted world of social media (which I largely don’t use). My fear is that a bad product may necessarily mean a bad company. The confusion for me is that every single person I’ve interviewed has been incredibly down to earth and genuinely fun to talk to. They all claim to respect work-life balance (it’s remote too) and it doesn’t seem like lip service; they pay very well too. The opportunity to learn skills I can’t learn in many jobs seems compelling.

The role itself is the title I want, but the focus I’m not wild about. It’s a bit more user growth focused than I’d typically want. The problem is my current job is wrecking my mental health and I’m desperate to get out.

I’m interviewing with two other companies with better missions I’d much prefer to work for but both are dragging their feet and lower pay; one pays pretty terrible. I’m rapidly approaching a point where I will likely have a single offer in hand with no guarantee that others will manifest.

Any thoughts or guidance on how to navigate this? I want to approach this as “a job is just a job” and clock in and clock out, but I’ve seen at my current role that is not possible as I carry the stress and despair into my free time. I desperately don’t want to join another toxic company, but I don’t want to use that as an excuse to stunt my career growth either.

I wanted to share this nice little story that happened just minutes ago. I'm putting this on a post because perhaps people would like to share their own stories for the vibes.

I went for a quick grocery run. On the way back, I realized that I did not have my wallet in my pocket anymore. It wasn't in my pocket and it wasn't in the grocery bag.

The walk to the store was quite short but I did not see it after backtracking. A guy spotted me looking for something on the floor and asked me what I was looking for. With some diligence, he verified that I was indeed looking for a wallet and he pointed me to a barbershop close by. There, two guys were looking for me by searching my name on Facebook using the ID in my wallet.

I thanked them (in the local language, neither my first nor second language) and went about my way because I didn't know what else to say. I felt like I could have done more. Like thanked them with more words or given them a small reward etc. I was overwhelmed by the unusual situation that I didn't have any time to think.

I got home and searched for a non-monetary token of appreciation but by the time I came back they were already gone. I didn't even think they were going for a haircut.

Anyway, that was a super nice experience even though I kinda feel bad for not having shown more appreciation. I was already at the point of transferring money out of my card but I was lucky enough to have found such kind souls.

Anyone have similar experiences recently or otherwise?