Looking for books that target (1) teen person and (2) parents which go over with a fine tooth comb how to navigate basic social skills.

I'm looking for something with as explicit instructions as possible, such as "when someone gives you something, catch their attention, make eye contact, and speak in a loud enough voice to say thank you".

I need something with troubleshooting involved such as, what if they're not looking at me, what if the environment is loud, what if I have my mouth full, what if I've already said it and they didn't hear. I need the instructions to cover things like "what if I'm supposed to follow two conflicting rules".

Basically explaining human customs and manners to bodiless angels who do not learn from observation and whose minds are pure intellect wholly sufficient unto itself, and who need to expend energy and effort to interact with mortals on our plane and operate on our dimensions.

Basics like, how to pass through a doorway when someone is holding the door for you, how to move out of the way when someone is coming towards you on a narrow sidewalk, how to pull over a shopping cart so it doesn't block other shoppers, don't throw/toss things at people when they ask for you to pass an object. These statements have been repeatedly shared with them any number of times to no avail: they're not looking at the world in the same way at all. They're not situationally aware, they're not interested in the world.

I grew up in a world that just screams at people until they behave out of fear and forced compliance. I'm trying to find a different way. Thank you kindly for any recommendations or suggestions.

Thirteen is a difficult age for most. It's a time of transition from childhood into early adulthood.
I'm keen for book recommendations you think a 13-year-old should read. Specific topics I'm keen to be covered, either directly or through metaphor, are:

• Confidence
• Development
• Fitness / Nutrition / Physical Health
• Mental Health
• Finance
• Ethics

But really, anything you think one could tackle at that age and benefit from having read the content.

I've specified boy, because it is a boy who I wish to pass these recommendations on to, and I think that perhaps the advice would be different for a girl.

Australia’s proposed social media ban is deeply concerning and authoritarian. It's disturbing to see how much of the general public supports this measure.

Prominent organizations, including Amnesty International, the Australian Human Rights Commission, and Electronic Frontiers Australia, have voiced significant concerns about this legislation:

Amnesty International's Explanation of the Social Media Ban
Australian Human Rights Commission on the Proposed Social Media Ban for Under-16s
EFA's Critique of the Social Media Age Ban

Australia has a troubling history with internet legislation. Noteworthy examples include the Australian Internet Firewall under Stephen Conroy and Malcolm Turnbull's infamous statement, "The laws of mathematics are very commendable, but the only law that applies in Australia is the law of Australia," regarding encryption backdoors.

While I recognize the issues with social media, "don't feed the trolls," along with maintaining online anonymity and implementing parental controls ( no phones with unfettered internet access ), should work. This law indiscriminately punishes all Australians for the missteps of a few, potentially leading to increased identity theft through phone and email scams and causing older family who are not tech literate to lose connections with their families due to the complexities of government-issued tokens.

Adults will be the ones who are going to be most impacted by this legislation.

The scope of this law is extensive. The Online Safety website suggests that this is merely the beginning, with plans to cover the entire web, including games, adult content, and more. The consequences are profound: the erosion of true anonymity and increased risk to government whistle-blowers and journalistic sources.

Requiring individuals to provide their identity to a third party to access the internet, which many have used freely for decades, is alarming. It threatens to sanitize search results and revoke access to purchased games if users refuse additional identity verification measures. There are no grandfathered exceptions, highlighting the law's intent to de-anonymize the internet.

Although Australia lacks a constitutionally protected right to free speech, this law poses significant risks to whistleblowers and marginalized youth in remote communities. Instead of banning access and creating allure through prohibition, we should address the root causes of why younger people are drawn to such content.

Once entrenched in law, any opposition will be met with accusations of perversion or indifference to child safety, compounded by the spread of misinformation. We must critically assess and address these laws to protect our freedoms and privacy.

There wouldn't be speculation if they defined how they intend the law to work. Instead of a "don't worry about it we will work it out", give people something to say that's not so bad and I can live with it

something I have been thinking about lately.

like any kid being raised as the internet piracy was really taking off, I must have watched countless R-rated movies when I was still in high school.

I can see an argument being made that maybe immediately after watching the movie, it excited me too much and maybe I didn't know how to internalize a sex scene or a violent scene. as for the cursing, I didn't need movies to teach me bad words, society took care of that already.

but I have a hard time placing any issues I have now that are cause of watching movies that were not appropriate for me. I care about people, I place great significance on empathy and non-violence, I am a pacifist for goodness sake but I still enjoy a good shoot-em up movie. As for the sex scenes, honestly, the general misogyny and patriarchal nature of western society had a far greater influence on any incorrect assumptions I had made about the bedroom and porn. Imo porn is the only thing that really fucked me up, watched it too way too early and in a conservative-ish (at least with regards to sex) household so not like I could feel safe talking to an adult about it.

But I have a hard time placing any permanent harms that watching R-rated movies in my teens had on me. Then again, I was raised by pretty moral women who instilled a very active conscience in me.

which makes me think the rating system is mostly pointless and just done in response to activist conservative parents who get too worked up about that kind of thing?

Or maybe it does have a long-term effect just only with certain folks?

I’m really frustrated by recent experiences interfacing with the mental health system for myself and for my teenager. For them, it’s really atrocious. There may be effective options for the upper classes, but they aren’t accessible to me.

This is inspired by @X08’s recent [post] (https://tildes.net/~health.mental/1iia/unable_to_feel_progress_lack_of_happiness_and_not_finding_motivation_to_keep_investing) . Obviously I don’t know about their particulars, but I’ve certainly had the experience of being a part of a group where it appears others are progressing while I am not. Partly this is a problem of how we perceive, measure, and judge “success.” “Don’t compare my insides to others’ outsides,” as the saying goes. But it is possible to a more faithful and reflective comparison, and it does happen that others similar to me* make progress where I don’t, and it’s really frustrating. I’m often wondering, what’s wrong with me that I can’t change and grow?

I don’t have a great answer, although my exceptionally shitty childhood certainly plays a great role.

What I really want to comment on, though, is how insensitive our current mental health system is to the impact disparate causes have on creating similar symptoms, and how that should inform treatment approaches. A gifted psychiatrist (of which there are shockingly few) once put it like this (paraphrasing): Before we look at treatment for depression, we have to make sure the patient isn’t just surrounded by assholes.

But it’s a real problem. CBT is touted by a lot of “weighty” authorities as a valid gold standard treatment for a wide range of MH symptoms, and is claimed to be effective regardless of causes. And it’s my opinion that there is a lot of reasonably scientifically rigorous research backing that claim up. But, it’s not all rainbows, and it’s not working for lots of people. For one, a lot of folks claiming to do CBT are really not. Actual CBT involves a lot of homework, and a lot of recipients don’t have home support and don’t do the homework. This is extra true for children and adolescents living in dysfunctional homes. But more than just patient effort, the research marking CBT as so favorable is mostly based on subjects who are only mild to moderately distressed.* The end result is everyone involved in the “evidence based” healthcare chain is signing sufferers up for CBT when that might not be the best approach. There are lots of other criticisms too. If a practitioner is not well-trained and dedicated, the practice can be very invalidating. It seeks to make the sufferer’s more cognitive process more ‘rational,’ but when that person’s experiences are really, objectively bad, it’s very rational to conclude the world is hostile and unsafe. The tool itself is prepared for this, but it takes a really effective therapist to pull off. Also, it’s not enough by itself, grieving and other healing is also required for success.

The same thing happens in 12 step groups. AA/NA is resoundingly helpful-for a certain set of alcoholics/addicts. Those who don’t make it are often exhorted to become more honest, more open-minded, or more willing.*** My observation, though, is that most of the ones that make it come from intact families with resources. This is not universally true, it’s important for me to point out that there are enough examples of success among folks with no such background to say that there is something valuable in that approach that transcends socio-economics. There are also plenty from well-resourced families who don’t make it, but many of those families are highly dysfunctional. Of this last group, folks from dysfunctional families, some of us find success in other groups. This is because AA/NA are designed for sociopaths, ACA**** is designed for the product of sociopathic parents (who are filled with shame).

I don’t know what the solution is. A lot of malaise, addiction, “maladaptive” behaviors are, I think, born in a dysfunctional society, and so long as that society remains dysfunctional, no individual focused therapy solution will create a permanent fix. I think right here and now, too, we are at one of humanity’s “high tides” of self-destruction, a result primarily of runaway capitalism (is there any other kind?). We also just came through a really nasty global trauma, everyone is feeling it some kinda way.

Thanks for attending my TEDz talk.

*Of course, when talking about something as complex as a human life, there may no way to determine how similar is enough to make valid comparisons

**Also, let’s not talk about the various biases and implementation problems with what those studies refer to as ‘validated’ assessments used for measuring level of distress

***I am, technically, an NA success story

****Adult Children Anonymous, aka Adult Children of Alcoholics and Dysfunctional Families, more info at adultchildren.org.

I have a teenage child. They're going to be doing "design and tech" at school, and they've shown an interest in light maker / builder projects.

I want to put together a small toolkit for them.

The difficulty I'm having is that when I look at precision screwdrivers I pick a Felco set for £80. For regular screwdrivers I pick either Felco, Wira, Wiha, or Sandvick Bahco. This is probably a bad idea - they're going to end up with a lot of very expensive kit that they will not appreciate yet.

The other thing I'm struggling with is knowing which bits of kit are essential and which are nice to have.

I'd be really grateful to hear your thoughts about this kit. I'm especially interested to hear discussion about balancing "good enough" with "avoid garbage" -- I do prefer to spend more on quality rather than buying cheap buying often.

Screwdrivers:

A handle and a set of bits to fit the handle - £10
A set of weird bits (security, hex, torx) to fit the handle £5
Screwdrivers - pz1, pz2, 4 flat head screw drivers in sensible sizes (still working this out) (probably stanley FatMax) - £30

Snips - they're getting my Bahco snips and my ancient lindstrom snips. I want to get them something they can destroy through misuse, so I'll buy something for around £15

Pliers - needlenose serrated pliers £10
Pliers - big pliers - they'll be getting my ancient RS pliers.

Wire strippers - I like the scissor type that have a range of holes. A nice pair is about £20.

Wrenches and spanners - I have three adjustable spanners in different sizes. I'm looking at micro-ratchets, so something like Kerr or felo (xs33) (but the felo is expensive!!) or Bahco 2058/S26 for £20

Soldering iron - I'm super tempted to just get Hakko's intro model for £100-£150. But I don't know whether I should go instead for some cheap thing like tenma. My own preference for me is strongly Weller - I used weller irons for decades and they were so solid and robust for what I was doing, but not a great choice for tinkering about. I'm struggling to understand the build quality of Tenma bought from a reputable company. I don't want my child fixing things in a mains powered box.

I need a tool box to put it all in.

I need some kind of cutting and filing tools - cheap set of files and a little handle.

I need some measuring equipment - I don't know whether to include a nice set of steel rules or a cheap digital calliper.

Alongside all this there will be a dremel multitool and some useful accessories for it.

And also safety equipment - dustmasks, eye protection (from a reputable supplier!!)