This is my first time getting laid off. Still processing it. My job was starting to feel like a slog so it honestly feels like a burden has been lifted. But a different, more unfamiliar (maybe even somewhat interesting) burden has replaced it - financials.

I know I can file for unemployment. I have to handle some other dumb stuff like 401k, HSA, health insurance. it's kinda more annoying than anything else.

I have some severance but not sure how long it'll take to find a job and I've heard it's hard out there.
I would also love to figure out how to be financially dependent while working for myself but don't know where to start for that.

Looking for any advice from the Tilderino fam.

When do you decide you can no longer ethically work somewhere?
What would be your line?
Would your ability to do harm reduction or meaningfully change the situation make a difference in your decision?

Have you acted on these stances before?

(inspired by a deleted post. I'll respect the user and just make this a generic topic.)

What was the hardest part about growing up into an independent adult for you? Was there some advice or mental Eureka! moment that gave you a big boost?

Affordability and employment are at a crisis level for our youth these days. Want to share some hardships you experienced, or big hurdle you had to navigate out of, as a way to encourage others that things will get better?

I'm in the midst of wedding planning and would like to hear your experiences, as I have only been to one wedding.

I'm curious about if you've picked up on any unique considerations that went into the structural/event design as well as the emotional takeaway from attending the event:

What made that wedding distinct from the others?
What aspects of the wedding did you find thoughtful and memorable?
How did that wedding make you feel as a guest?
How do you want to feel as a guest at a wedding?

Bureaucratic nonsense; a glaring inefficiency; “that’s just how we do things here”; etc.

Whatever it is, it’s absurd, but you’re also powerless to do anything about it and just have to live with it.

Tell us all about it.

Note: “workplace” can refer to career, school, home — wherever you do work in the face of absurdity

I've been having a bit of a midlife crisis (well, I'm 31 so technically not there yet but...) and was hoping maybe some kind folks on Tildes could give me some perspective. Apologies in advance for the long-winded post.

I currently work my "dream" job. I put that in quotes because I'm a freelance translator which, as you might expect, has not been the best place to be at for the last couple of years. Nonetheless, it was the job I wanted to do when I got into university 7 years ago so it's what I'd say is the only "calling" I've had.

Because I've only ever done this, I feel like I missed out on opportunities and soft skills that a person might typically develop early in their career at more typical jobs. I was fortunate to have an accommodating family who really let me try as hard as I could in the translation field until I could succeed, which unfortunately I haven't as much as I wanted to.

Because of all this, I've now been looking for non-specialized jobs anyone can do in order to at least have a more stable income. But I feel like just working at say a McDonald's or other less skilled jobs won't get me very far in life. Yes I can do translation on the side as a supplement and maybe one day I'll get lucky enough to score a well-paying client (I know it's possible but just haven't had the chance yet), but that's a lot of ifs for comfort. At the moment I can't even focus on paying my bills, let alone try to have a life outside my job or a partner or basically anything, and that's what also sorta torpedo'd the intense anxiety I've been having.

So I've been pondering seriously going back to university to get another degree, as some of my friends and acquaintances have done. The problem is I just don't know how to even go about finding something that can give me a better professional life and that I connect with in some capacity. I've been so sheltered and non-diversified for 7 years that now I have very little to connect with.

I thankfully live in a country where university is not a big financial investment, so that's not an issue. But as I've been warned by others (and agree myself), jumping into a degree when I only have nebulous ideas about my future in it is a good way to ensure I burn myself out and waste my time. I can't just pick a degree because "it'll pay well." It has to be something I can actually concentrate on and feel the drive to work toward. Otherwise I'll probably be back on this road again, just in a different way (low end skilled work is as poorly paid as unskilled work where I live).

I've been eyeing typical big engineering degrees like computer science and mechanical engineering. Looking at jobs they can provide makes them sound somewhat interesting (robots are cool, right?), but it still all feels very nebulous, like nothing fully clicks. It's like I can't find something that's more guaranteed to pay well and where I also feel "this is where I want to be."

I'm also constantly worried about "what if I choose wrong" and wondering if I won't be good enough or stand out and just set myself up for another bad career. The choice paralysis is very real. And reading testimonials online, no matter for what field, just makes things feel more bleak (I should probably stop that), though there is occasionally some positivity.

The way I describe my mental state right now is "I want a job that will let me not have to worry about surviving 24/7, but I don't know what that might look like." It could be working at McDonald's or some menial office job and then doing translation on the side (AKA the only "calling" I've ever fully clicked with), it could be becoming an engineer, or maybe it's something else entirely I haven't found yet. I don't know.

I also know that sometimes all it takes is to try something out to see if you like it, so I'm not ruling the possibility that maybe I'll just click with a degree after I get into it, but until I have that opportunity I'd like ask fellow Tildeans: how would you go about finding a new calling in life in a situation like this?

I know there's no silver bullet answer and that nobody can decide my life for me, but I feel as though I'm missing the tools to make that decision for myself.

Life is especially stressful lately, and with that my usual sleep struggles are just getting worse. When I was younger, I struggled to fall asleep - and at times, I still do - and I was able to develop some strategies that helped me soothe my overactive mind (ADHD brain goes brrrrr). As I'm getting older, I'm having a different problem come up though.

Now the trouble isn't so much getting to sleep as it is staying asleep long enough to get the rest I need, or at least want. For example, this past week has been the first week of school for me as a teacher. It is absolutely exhausting. I crash out between 8/9pm every night. Then I find myself awake at 2/3am without fail and just toss and turn until either I eke out a half hour of sleep before my alarm at 5am or just give up and get up.

Of course those hours I spend lying awake in bed are the perfect time for my mind to turn to dark and terrible thoughts as well. The small hours of the morning are apparently perfect for this. That's a whole other thing I'm working on dealing with.

I know this isn't a unique problem, I know that there isn't a catch all solution, I'd just love to hear some different ideas on what to do about it.

I know each person is different and if there's one autistic person's experience that's one person's experience. I'm aiming to spread a wide net here and gather stories to see the diverse range. What I'm looking for is something beyond the "well, you just do it / you start with small steps" experience: assume one can't.

Second hand accounts welcome if you know someone who has difficulties they were able to overcome.

I was talking to someone who could visualize something with microscopic clarity in their mind and that's why they couldn't draw, because any approximation, no matter how close, is not 100%, and that produces enough internal suffering that the task can't be done.

That the sentence "if it's good enough it's good enough" is nearly offensive and also nonsensical: there is the perfect and then there is failure which causes suffering, nothing exists in the middle.

So I'm curious: as an individual, do you have difficulty with .....

• breaking down a complex task into smaller achievable tasks?

• competing very simple tasks that have been broken down for you that leads to that complex task, whether because it's trivial or because now you're being told or some other hurdle?

• mentally being okay with practice / rudimentary exercises because it's not the whole completed perfect thing?

How did you learn to do something that requires practice [from you] to become good at? Do you tend to over rely then on skills that came "for free" to you? If you can see yourself getting better with practice doing that free talent, and you have a hard time learning a new thing that you couldn't also instantly do, why does the experience of improvement from one area doesn't translate into feelings of possibility that it could apply to another?

Hi, my family is moving to Japan in November, from US Midwest to Noto/Kanazawa area, and I’m wondering if there are things recommended to specifically bring from the US or things to wait to buy in Japan due to quality or price differentials (or straight up availability).

I’m 6’3”, so I’m buying shoes/boots/sandals in US, as well as pants/shirts. My wife is similarly tall. Kids are tall for their age, but still will get clothes in jp.

We are moving solely by plane, so no shipping containers or other moving services— it has to fit in suitcases.

If anyone can speak to online shopping in rural Japan, let me know if that’s as ubiquitous as it is here (it’s something I personally almost never do here, but i assume I’ll have to do more in jp just for sizing when it comes to clothes, though I’m not a big wardrobe guy anyway).

Bonus question: family cargo ebikes in Japan? Is that common yet? I’ve got an Urban Arrow here and it’s probably by favorite object of mine, and would love to get something similar (or long tail passenger rack) in jp.

Thanks!

I have often wondered if I over prepare - if I have a tendency to carry too many things with me “just in case”. I aspire to minimalism, but I definitely fail to achieve it in practice. Indeed, it’s not rare for me to go on holiday and pack several items of clothes for situations which do not materialise, or simply to realise that I’ve been carrying some item in my backpack every day for several months while never using it.

Well, today I was very happy to have a random item in my backpack that had been sitting there unused for god-knows how long.

European Tilderinos are likely also looking forward to the imminent near-total solar eclipse. I‘ve been really looking forward to it, and my partner and I had made plans to rendezvous at a park in our city after to work view it. But as I go to leave work, I realise: (minor) disaster! I am an optically-impaired person (I need glasses), but since I did not put on my contact lenses this morning, I will have to wear my eclipse-goggles over my spectacles! What a fool I will appear to everyone else at the park!

…and then I remembered: I almost always make sure to have a spare pair of contact lenses in my most-used bags (I wear dailies, so it’s cheap to set a small handful of pairs aside for this purpose) such that if I have a contact lens emergency while I’m out, I can safely remove the problematic pair and replace them with a fresh pair. Of course I also usually carry around my glasses if I’m wearing my lenses, but this isn’t always practical, or it may be important for me to be able to resume wearing lenses (if I am to playing sports, for example).

Now you might wonder why this fact slipped my mind initially, that would be because I’ve been wearing contact lenses for well over a decade, and in the last five or so years I don’t think I’ve had a single incident. But I remain hopefully that a past version of myself may still have been practicing over-preparedness…

So, I go a-rummaging in my backpack and, lo and behold, I do indeed have a set of emergency contacts! Now I will be able to stare directly at the sun mildly more conveniently! Thanks, past me!

(Perhaps you can tell that this situation made my extremely happy, hence why I felt the need to share.)

Have a lovely solar eclipse day (to all who celebrate)!

https://ibb.co/8gNqgSKR

so, I want to create a sliding shelf system

ideally, in its stationary state (ie when its near the roof and not taking up any walking around space), its only 27 inches tall so that its not low enough to get in the way of me
and when I need it, I can I pull it down to access stuff on it. the lowest I can pull it without it getting in the way of anything is 63 inches from the roof. but I doubt I would ever need to pull it that low, just wanted to make it clear the range I have the potential for.

it can be a max of 20 inches wide without getting in the way of either cabinet door on either side.

the kitchen is too small for me to allow it to rest on the ground and since I live in a rental, I don't want to drill into the wall and am instead looking to anchor it to piece of wood that would be resting on top of the cabinets on either side.
the piece of wood (or multiple pieces of wood, I don't know what is best) can be 4 inches wide by 11 inches high and the space above the cabinets can provide for 10 inches of depth for the wood to rest on.

is what I am envisioning possible?

I assume I have to custom make this myself and cant order something like this from a store?

Hi all,

I know this is probably going to be a bit of an incoherent mess of a post but my wife and I have not had a very good day and I'd just like to share my feelings, and make a simple request for anyone who might be reading this. This is also a sad story, so if you are not in a great headspace, I'd suggest skipping this. I swear I'm not trying to be a burden.

My wife and I have been fostering dogs with a local rescue for years now. We absolutely love it and it truly is one of the only things that make us feel like we are able to make the world a little bit of a better place. It can be tough sometimes but we always say "There will always be another dog to help" and that has helped keep us going.

Three or four years back we had a lovely old man foster dog named Elvis. Absolute sweetheart. If you thought of a soft gentle dopey old man dog, it was Elvis. He loved his toys, but in a funny way. He would just carry them around with him ENDLESSLY. But not all of his toys, it was either his little marshmallow stuffy or his little cookie stuffy. And I mean he took these things everywhere. To bed, on the couch, walking around the house and even outside to hold while using the bathroom. He would even try it on walks if we let him. He was the perfect old man dog and we loved him dearly.

Well, eventually he had an application for an adoption and he was picked up by an older individual and that was the last we saw or heard of Elvis. Life just kind of moved on.

Until this week.

The universe sometimes works in cruel ways. Earlier this week, my wife, while scrolling through social media happens upon a post from another local animal shelter we follow. The post was about a stray dog whom has been picked up and the owner could not be contacted. My wife showed me and said it looked like Elvis. And initially, I didn't think so. Maybe? I mean like sure, but a shell of his former self. He was so thin. He looked like a skeleton. He was so unkept and neglected that it really only kind of looked like him. There was no way it was him. He was so old and frail looking. I wasn't so sure.

Until I looked at a photo of him on my phone. We were convinced it was him. My wife immediately called our foster agency and they contacted the shelter. The microchip confirmed it. It was Elvis. The shelter nor the foster agency could get ahold of the adopter. And no one had any idea what had happened or how long he had been like this. It was so upsetting to hear. My wife and I both knew immediately we had to go and get our boy back, even if it meant we held onto him for the rest of his days. Didn't matter. It was devastating but we were glad to know he had been picked up and was safe at the shelter.

But it wasn't that simple. He had to be on stray hold for a few days to give his owner a chance to come and get him, and was on medical hold too. Initially they had thought he had been hit by a car because of his inability to stand and he was in really rough shape. My wife and I said that's fine, we can pick him up on Friday and we will make sure he gets the care he needs. We are fortunate that our foster agency has a lifetime promise to always take care of an animal should an owner surrender the dog or cat.

Not to stray from the story too much but my wife and I also have a cat. We've had since we were first together. He is our first real pet. We have had him for years now and he is our baby. Well, he's been battling cancer for the last year or so and these last few weeks have been tough. Long story short he had an emergency today and had to go to the vet.

Things did not go all that well. He had a lot of fluid in his chest and it made it so he was having a very difficult time breathing. He needed to have the fluid drained immediately and it was jaring to watch. While this is going on, someone from the shelter that was holding Elvis called. It turns out that he hadn't been hit by car. His heart was failing and he was likely to be put to sleep. Today. It was a complete shock on top of an already shitty day.

Once our cat was was stable and we were able to take him home, we wanted to go and be with Elvis for his final minutes. It only seemed fair. We didn't want him to be surrounded by strangers and scared.

But the shelter wouldn't let us.

They wouldn't let us see our boy one last time. I know he hasn't been our boy in years, and I know he was never really our boy, but I still remember him like it was yesterday! And I just wanted to apologize for what happened! I just wanted to hold him one more time but I couldn't.

Elvis, I'm sorry.

And I'm sorry for this lengthy and probably stupid post but my wife and I have been dealing with a rather emotional day and I wasn't sure how else to process it. We've talked and it's been hard,. We just held each other and cried. I've cried while writing this. Tomorrow is another day, and hopefully it will be better.

I have one simple ask for anyone who might consider adopting. Please, please, please, get the contact information of the fosters, if the agency allows it. Send them photos of the dogs, or cats. It's a hard thing to do and just getting those little reminders that's our foster dogs and cats are out there living a beautiful little life genuinely fills my wife and I with so much happiness it's impossible to describe. Anyone who has fostered would feel the same. Even if it's once a blue moon. Please. Do it. It's means more than I could ever really state.

I'm going to stay off the Internet for a bit to try and get in a better state of mind and spend sometime with my wife. If you made it this far and read this whole thing. Thank you. I appreciate you and I hope you have a good day.

Please give your pets a big squeeze and forehead kiss for me, and for Elvis.

Edit

Its been a few days offline and my and my wives mental health has improved considerably. We ended up going to Trader Joes, then to our friends kids birthday and catching the new Spiderman movie. Its been a nice reprieve.

Thank you all so much for the kind words. I found myself getting emotional again reading through all of the comments. I really cannot express how much I am grateful for the support. Hearing the stories from the other fosters in this thread who have shared their experiences has been so reassuring.

Some good news - we did hear that the shelter is going to going to send us copies of his paw prints. While I appreciate the thought and the sentiment, I really would have just preferred to see him one last time. Our cat is doing better, but we and his vet, do not think he will be with us much longer so we are enjoying every moment we can. Our current foster dog has an application and is set to get adopted sometime this week and we will be picking up another foster as well.

Found myself working a bit too hard lately, started to experience some stress from my pointless busywork white collar job. Remembered this time to wonder why am I stressed about something that doesn't matter?

Perfect timing, my boss decided today to let me know that he won't be approving any more vacation for the rest of the year because even though we have unlimited, apparently the limit is 20 days.

We've got a deadline coming up and honestly I'm just gonna take a break for the rest of the week. I need it, I deserve it, I've been busting my ass for no reason cause the end result is the same and no one uses our product, a year from now it probably won't even exist any more, and five years from now I'll have to go back to school and retrain to do some other job.

I was really doing fine until today. I make great money, I work from home, I actually get vacation, I know I can just take a sick day with no planning and that's fine, it's just so fucking stupid that they WANT me to take an unplanned day off or quiet quit for a few days when I need it instead of just allowing me to plan some fucking vacation.

Edit - this blew up, I don't mean to be all doomer. I'm just upset. There's beauty to life outside of my work situation.

Hey there, I’m an uncle to a soon to be 15 year old niece who recently got into sewing and has a starter sewing machine. (Hope it’s ok that I post here!)

I want to get her something for her birthday next weekend that has to do with sewing or similar since that’s what she’s expressed interest in. She’s never really had hobbies before but seems genuinely interested in modifying clothes and up-cycling (I think that’s the term) thrift finds.

Can someone help me with ideas on what I could get her? She is relatively new to things and she lives in Texas (US).

I’m ok spending up to $150. Could go higher as I’ll just split costs with her dad or grandparents if the gift is excellent.

Update: thank you all for the thoughtful suggestions! tildes always comes through with advices/tips/ideas for me! i ended up buying Gingher 8” Fabric Scissors, Kai seam snips (detail scissors?), Clover seam ripper, 3-pack of pink Singer tape measures, and a grumpy cat tote bag. i think i’m going to take her out to the thrift store to grab some clothes she can work on too. next year if shes still into it i think me and her dad will go in on a nice sewing machine someone mentioned in the comments. thanks again everyone!

So I know that house inspectors only look at surface things. In the UK it seems like structural stuff are checked by professionals before a house sale. In Canada what are they called?

In buying older houses, I would want to evaluate how much I will expect to spend on things like well, septic, roof. But I also want evaluation on if this is a money pit with foundation, structural, or water issues that can't be fixed.

Like @Captcha_Code, I've tried calling structural engineering firms that seemed confused or give $5000 just to take a look estimates. What are they called in Canada and if possible can you provide examples of a firm in any Canadian area so I know what to look for in Atlantic Canada? Searching for geotechnical professionals bring up major infrastructure type of firms.

I'm going to try to make a very long story short, but we had a large structural retaining wall replaced. The driveway sits on top of the retaining wall. It is about 7 feet tall at the highest end and tapers down over about 30 feet.

We selected a contractor who was at the higher end of the price range but not like the highest highest. It's not like we cheaped out. But we are SO not happy with the work. There are sagging "deadman" posts, there are a ton of shims forced into it to make it lean the correct direction, and it is visibly not dug out enough.

We have tried to work with the contractor but he keeps cheaping out and "jerry rigging" it further to fix the defects. At this point, we are thinking small claims court. We want an expert to come out and tell us if it is structurally sound and document the defects.

I thought maybe a general home inspector could just inspect a part of it, but we contacted three and they said they only do whole structure inspections, like the whole house. And even if the retaining wall was included they would not really look much further than making sure it's not rotten. I tried a structural engineer but the two I contacted almost seemed confused at what I was asking. One just told me they don't do things like that and the other one I'm pretty sure just wanted me to go away and said $10k.

What kind of speciality can tell me if this thing is going to collapse or not? I feel like this is important information if we sue the previous contractor. Any help would be appreciated.

Hello!

I need some advice about work. I'm 34 and I have a child. What direction do you think I should be looking in job-wise? Because of AI, I'm not sure whether it's worth staying in IT and on top of that, my department was recently shut down at my company, so I'm out of work.

My goal is to be able to rent a decent place, cover health/medical costs, food obviously and to take my child on holiday at least once yearly (I couldn't affort it before).

I'm based in Europe. Right now I'm actively learning to knit, just in case.

Could you suggest what kind of work you'd recommend so that I can be that "man of the house" for myself and support myself properly? If it matters: I'm celibate and I don't plan to enter into a relationship, but I need to get my child on their feet and I honestly have no idea which way to move.

My salary has always been low, I'm tired of it and I'm responsible for a child. So I'm ready for anything. Ready to learn anything, do anything!

Thank you!

Hello, I am using a throwaway account since I don't want this account publicly associated with the rest of my Internet persona. Some identifying info will be fudged for the sake of keeping as anonymous as possible.

Me and my partner of nine years have been constantly fighting about little things these days. The fights have started from shallow stuff. From my perspective, it usually starts out of silly things. One recurring thing is that sometimes, working from home, I want some hugs every now and then during the day. The problem is he's watching Netflix or whatever and doesn't want to be interrupted midmovie. He complains I asked for them too frequently, which is fair. But I think the cause is when he does accept my proposal to hug, I'm just the one hugging him and he's still watching the movie. Gives me a tap in the back of what objectively could be a hug but there is just no emotion.

Alright, getting annoyed is one thing and should be easy to fix. However, he does some variant of "escaping the conversation". Whether it's leaving the room suddenly or answering questions in what I think is bad faith. All of these, in his head, I know he has a rationalization. Leaving the room, according to him, is good for calming down. And he's read that somewhere. Can't refute that. But what I try to explain, and am probably not explaining well, is that he just can't leave me like that because it feels like he doesn't care about it. I find it very disrespectful, it makes me angry, and it just elevates what could have been a quick discussion to some big blown-up fight where no one is really sure anymore how it started or why it dials up to 11 very quickly.

I've recently started opening up to friends out of desperation. He "does not like" that our friends know about our business. Relationship troubles and all. I understand, and I tried to respect this wish for the nine years we've been together. But now I'm desperate, I did start talking about it with friends. They gave me a lot of insights that I didn't have before and they pinpointed that the biggest obstacle we have is proper communication.

In the beginning, I talk and let him talk. But his responses are one-liners like "yes" or "sure". Which is completely ambiguous if it is in agreement to what I just said or if it is just to signify that he's listening. This gave me the tendency to talk more. Because either the conversation finishes there, which according to him is already concluded because he agreed to what I wanted. The thing that is lacking is some sort of feeling of warmth or empathy. In principle, "yes" already does the "admin part" but "yes I understand what you mean and I will try to do better" takes care of the emotional side. This is something that I have tried explaining but unfortunately in vain. Maybe it's his blind side.

I don't think anything of what he's doing is malicious or intentionally done to make me angry. I think it's just how he is. I don't think he realizes it. And as someone who cares for him, I hope he does.

The status now is that we are "broken up". I'd like to mark that with an asterisk because our fights these past few weeks end up with someone saying they want to break up. It has since elevated to "we are breaking up". It's getting tiring. I know that this relationship is down in the gutter. However, I am still optimistic for that Disney ending where we all realize our problems and live happily ever after.

But yeah. I really don't know what I want in posting this. I think I just need to pass the time since we are both currently in the same apartment. It's big enough that we have our own rooms for these trying times. Advice and analyses and opinions are certainly welcome. Obviously, there's bias for me since I wrote it. So yeah. Open to anything. Thanks for reading in any case.

My 55lb German Shepherd / Husky mutt is an absolutely wonderful dog with one fatal flaw: he is deathly afraid of my irrigation system.

From inside the house, he can sense when the valves open and starts panicking before water even starts spraying. He starts running, pacing, hyperventilating, and generally won’t settle. I sit with him and pet him and try to calm him but he won’t relax until the cycle is done.

This is so much of a problem that I simply didn’t run irrigation last year or the year before.

I’ve tried desensitizing him by sitting outside with him and running one of the zones, sitting inside and running a zone, or walking him around the block while I run the sprinklers so that it’s not a surprise when they turn on. I’ve tried showering him with treats, letting him go hide wherever he wants, working on his tricks, and singing to him. Nothing seems to work.

He never chews up the system or shows aggression to it. He knows where the heads are and avoids them in the yard.

More broadly, he doesn’t like being in or around water. He’s good at taking baths. He will get up on the tub and stand there quietly, but he will be shaking and stressed. If we take him to the lake or pool, he will get in the water after a ton of encouragement (and then he proceeds to love the water).

Does anyone have advice for dealing with this kind of behavior?

Not the worst. Not outright criminal, maybe small time stuff. But I mean in terms of moral ethics, is a bad person who's hurt people in the past. And hurts people right now. There might be extenuating circumstances why they grew up like this, but nevertheless the person is a bad person who hurts people. They are a decent parent who I believe do really love me and my sibling, but not selflessly and they don't trust us siblings and is suspicious of us because they project that we must also be terrible people after their money.

I am certain that they grossly misrepresented their age when they met my other parent. I am certain that they had been unfaithful. There are many lies and I do not feel like us siblings or anyone have ever successfully been able to engage with them honestly. They have many facades. My other parent was an honest and good person who deserved much better than how they were treated.

Advice not unwanted, but I'm not really sure what I expect, just airing out a sentiment I do not feel okay to express to any of my friends, and I am trying not to wear out my partner from having to hear it over and over as well. Yes I have an appointment to talk to a therapist